(Yes that was a rather heartrending episode of How I Met Your Mother last night. Sadly I had the ending spoiled for me before I had a chance to watch it (damn you Facebook) but it still hit pretty hard. I don’t want to spoil it here but I will say that the episode was amazingly constructed and makes perfect sense when you realize that over the course of the series the show has never been a typical “ha ha” sitcom. There has always been a running plot on how these characters are becoming adults and dealing with a lot of those issues in a very realistic way.)
In a case of good news and bad news My Beloved Lindsay is out of rehab but may have to go to jail on a parole violation. Which of those is good news and which is bad news is really left for the reader to decide. And the whole going to prison thing is so a non-Hollywood thing. Really, when was the last time you saw one of these starlets actually have to do any real time for their actions. I know that the California prison system is overcrowded but I think we could find a little space in a closet somewhere to place a Lohan or a Hilton. They are rather thin and should be easily stackable.
Keeping with the celebrity news Snooki from the Jersey Shore has written a novel so add her name to the list of people who have been able to get a novel published before me. Yeah, fifteen plus years spent slaving away at a manuscript, six years blogging in an effort to catch the eye of an agent, and an orange midget who can’t even properly spell her own name is somehow able to land a publishing deal. I would really like to know if she has even read her own book. We all know that she didn’t write it; I legitimately want to know if she took the time to sit down and read it.
Oh, and Taylor Swift broke up with a Gyllenhall and is now back on the market, which just happens to correspond with my blog post where I say awfully nice things about her. Not that is anything more than a coincidence or anything… Actually, it is totally a coincidence. I’m more than happy with where my life is right now. I’m more upset by the fact that I am aware of Taylor Swift’s dating life given that it has absolutely no bearing on my life whatsoever.
Last thing, corresponding with tonight’s debut of the new season of The Biggest Loser I am embarking on a weight loss program. Actually I’ve already started it but it is always nice to tie it in with the Biggest Loser because at least I know that I weigh less than they do. Anyway, if anyone wants to send me some diet or exercise advice I would be more than happy to receive it. I really do need to knock off these last few pounds so that I will no longer be considered overweight. I will be much happier knowing that I was at a healthy weight on my wedding day.
Showing posts with label My Beloved Lindsay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Beloved Lindsay. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Hunger Strike? Storm the Bastille?
Sorry for the lack of posts. I had been sitting novena outside of the LA County Courthouse the past few days and was so distraught over the imprisonment of My Beloved Lindsay (a term I should have trademarked a few years ago) that I just could not bring myself to write last night. Right now I am working feverishly to get Amnesty International to support my cause that Ms. Lohan is being held illegally as a prisoner of conscience and, barring that, gathering various supplies like rope, bolt cutters, and celebratory bottles of Stoli in order to pull off the greatest prison escape ever. It will be just like the Great Muppet Caper except that we will be trying to break someone out of jail and there will be no Muppets. Ok, maybe it won’t be like the Great Muppet Caper after all.
DJ asked on Facebook just where in God’s name did this Lindsay Lohan fascination come from. Based on my blog tags I’ve been calling her My Beloved Lindsay since at least June 2007 and I really think I did it before hand. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure that the phrase came out of a joke at trivia that I made for no one’s benefit but my own. See, Maygun would always have a trivia category called “News of the Starz”, which was celebrity gossip and always seemed to include one Lindsay Lohan reference. I decided that it would be fun if I started to refer to her as my beloved, pretend that I had an insane crush on her, and defend my belief that as long as I continually professed my devotion to her at some point I would be her best dating option left. I thought it was funny though it certainly seemed to get out of hand.
My real reason is a bit more detailed than that as I have followed her career for a long time. I remember The Parent Trap, though I never actually watched the movie, and thought that she was a child star with promise. Mean Girls, which I also never watched, also seemed to indicate that. The thing is after that movie she became the it girl in Hollywood with one amazing difference. Sure, there had been a lot of 18 year olds who were given a ton of press with little to back it up but they all seemed to come out of the same cookie cutter mold. Blonde, innocent looking, often having had a career in Disney films (Brittney and Miley are the same in this regard.) But Lindsay was a redhead with freckles and real curves. Her look was completely different than the rest of the starlets and she did have legitimate talent. You had some hopes for her. She wasn’t going to turn into Natalie Portman but you figured that she had better career prospects than Tara Reid.
Sadly we were wrong. Paris Hilton got a hold of her and suddenly Lindsay lost a ton of weight to the point that I started the “Buy Lindsay a Sandwich!” fan club. She dyed her hair blonde and ended up looking like every other actress in Hollywood. And worst of all, the partying and the booze and the drugs took away her talent. Once while flying back from Europe I saw that Just My Luck was the in flight movie and tried to watch it. I lasted all of five minutes before I decided that I would rather listen to the crying infant two rows behind me than to try to watch her act. Her career has been over for a good five years now and the only reason she makes the news is that we are all drawn to a car wreck. It is the worst part of our voyeuristic nature.
So she is going to jail. And writing F You to the judge on her fingernails. Maybe she’ll get clean and sober and have a career comeback. I’m not betting on it. I think we all know where this story is going to end. People have probably already written their pieces on how we could let someone destroy themselves in front of our very eyes and are just waiting for the news story so they can hit publish. We should probably hope for better. And figure out how the hell Paris Hilton seems to be immune to all of this.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for a few weeks now and this is the only version of it that I can find online. It is from one of my favorite performers Tift Merritt and just seems to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. No one has a voice quite like Tift’s.
DJ asked on Facebook just where in God’s name did this Lindsay Lohan fascination come from. Based on my blog tags I’ve been calling her My Beloved Lindsay since at least June 2007 and I really think I did it before hand. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure that the phrase came out of a joke at trivia that I made for no one’s benefit but my own. See, Maygun would always have a trivia category called “News of the Starz”, which was celebrity gossip and always seemed to include one Lindsay Lohan reference. I decided that it would be fun if I started to refer to her as my beloved, pretend that I had an insane crush on her, and defend my belief that as long as I continually professed my devotion to her at some point I would be her best dating option left. I thought it was funny though it certainly seemed to get out of hand.
My real reason is a bit more detailed than that as I have followed her career for a long time. I remember The Parent Trap, though I never actually watched the movie, and thought that she was a child star with promise. Mean Girls, which I also never watched, also seemed to indicate that. The thing is after that movie she became the it girl in Hollywood with one amazing difference. Sure, there had been a lot of 18 year olds who were given a ton of press with little to back it up but they all seemed to come out of the same cookie cutter mold. Blonde, innocent looking, often having had a career in Disney films (Brittney and Miley are the same in this regard.) But Lindsay was a redhead with freckles and real curves. Her look was completely different than the rest of the starlets and she did have legitimate talent. You had some hopes for her. She wasn’t going to turn into Natalie Portman but you figured that she had better career prospects than Tara Reid.
Sadly we were wrong. Paris Hilton got a hold of her and suddenly Lindsay lost a ton of weight to the point that I started the “Buy Lindsay a Sandwich!” fan club. She dyed her hair blonde and ended up looking like every other actress in Hollywood. And worst of all, the partying and the booze and the drugs took away her talent. Once while flying back from Europe I saw that Just My Luck was the in flight movie and tried to watch it. I lasted all of five minutes before I decided that I would rather listen to the crying infant two rows behind me than to try to watch her act. Her career has been over for a good five years now and the only reason she makes the news is that we are all drawn to a car wreck. It is the worst part of our voyeuristic nature.
So she is going to jail. And writing F You to the judge on her fingernails. Maybe she’ll get clean and sober and have a career comeback. I’m not betting on it. I think we all know where this story is going to end. People have probably already written their pieces on how we could let someone destroy themselves in front of our very eyes and are just waiting for the news story so they can hit publish. We should probably hope for better. And figure out how the hell Paris Hilton seems to be immune to all of this.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for a few weeks now and this is the only version of it that I can find online. It is from one of my favorite performers Tift Merritt and just seems to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. No one has a voice quite like Tift’s.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
The nation without a team
Lindsay Lohan Alert: This is a message from the Lindsay Lohan Emergency Broadcasting System. At an MTV Movie Awards party over the weekend Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet (which monitors if she has ingested any alcohol) went off and apparently not only does it send a message to the probation officer it also goes off with flashing lights just to make sure everyone notices. Thus she has once again violated her probation and must face a judge. As a result we are activating Lindsay Def Con Status 3. Safehouses have been prepped around the country to insure that our Beloved will not fall into the clutches of the police. For the sake of our nation, our Lindsay must remain free.
(That said, who the hell invited her to an MTV Movie Awards party? And who in their right mind when on probation for cocaine possession and a DUI would attend such a party while wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet? Hell, the thing would probably go off just by being in the room. And shouldn’t you have to actually be, you know, in movies to attend a movie awards show?)
On another front, I kind of touched on this in my World Cup preview but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how some countries are good at sports while others are just horrible. Now if you consider the fact that soccer is about as close to a universal sport as we have then the best nations at soccer should either be a) highly developed so that they can fund the best programs or b) the largest so that they have the best talent pool to choose from. However, while places like Chile and North Korea make the field China and India do not. In fact, they are nowhere near fielding a team that could make the cup. With a billion people each in their respective countries you’d think they could find a couple of dozen people who could kick a ball.
Even more amazing is the fact that India is just abysmal at sports. India won three medals in the 2008 Summer Olympics. For a point of reference, the Glorious Republic of Kazakhstan won 13. Mongolia won 4. Trinidad and Tobago won 2 which isn’t bad for a nation of 1.3 million. If India won at the same rate as Trinidad and Tobago they would have netted roughly 2,000 medals. This brings up the fascinating question of “Why can’t people from India play sports?”
You have a billion people in the nation. You’d think that a couple of them would at least be fast, or could lift weights or throw a javelin. Sheer numbers alone would seem to make that a likelihood. Yet for the life of me I cannot think of a single sports star from their country. Ok, I know that they have a top cricket team and they use their history as a former British colony for their love of that sport. But then why aren’t they successful in soccer or rugby? It is amazing to think that a nation that is going to be at the forefront of the 21st century has absolutely no interest or capacity at the modern sports culture.
If anyone has any thoughts on this I would like to hear them. When you are online with tech support feel free to ask them about what their favorite sport is. Let us solve this mystery of the ages.
(That said, who the hell invited her to an MTV Movie Awards party? And who in their right mind when on probation for cocaine possession and a DUI would attend such a party while wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet? Hell, the thing would probably go off just by being in the room. And shouldn’t you have to actually be, you know, in movies to attend a movie awards show?)
On another front, I kind of touched on this in my World Cup preview but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how some countries are good at sports while others are just horrible. Now if you consider the fact that soccer is about as close to a universal sport as we have then the best nations at soccer should either be a) highly developed so that they can fund the best programs or b) the largest so that they have the best talent pool to choose from. However, while places like Chile and North Korea make the field China and India do not. In fact, they are nowhere near fielding a team that could make the cup. With a billion people each in their respective countries you’d think they could find a couple of dozen people who could kick a ball.
Even more amazing is the fact that India is just abysmal at sports. India won three medals in the 2008 Summer Olympics. For a point of reference, the Glorious Republic of Kazakhstan won 13. Mongolia won 4. Trinidad and Tobago won 2 which isn’t bad for a nation of 1.3 million. If India won at the same rate as Trinidad and Tobago they would have netted roughly 2,000 medals. This brings up the fascinating question of “Why can’t people from India play sports?”
You have a billion people in the nation. You’d think that a couple of them would at least be fast, or could lift weights or throw a javelin. Sheer numbers alone would seem to make that a likelihood. Yet for the life of me I cannot think of a single sports star from their country. Ok, I know that they have a top cricket team and they use their history as a former British colony for their love of that sport. But then why aren’t they successful in soccer or rugby? It is amazing to think that a nation that is going to be at the forefront of the 21st century has absolutely no interest or capacity at the modern sports culture.
If anyone has any thoughts on this I would like to hear them. When you are online with tech support feel free to ask them about what their favorite sport is. Let us solve this mystery of the ages.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Maybe she could bedazzle the bracelet
It is really difficult to complain about losing weight after watching the finale of The Biggest Loser. When you see people lose more weight than you actually weigh the thought of losing ten pounds doesn’t seem to be that difficult. The top performers this season all lost roughly half of their body weight, which is just insane. The good news is most of them look to be at a healthy weight right now and the winner could actually still lose a little more due to the fact that he started off at over 500 pounds. That has been my complaint about past years as the winners have lost so much weight they went in the other direction and were no longer healthy. Still, more encouragement for me to get off my ass and work out.
The best news of the week so far is that they did not arrest Lindsay Lohan when she returned to the States. This is mainly due to her (or someone close to her) posting a 100,000 dollar bond. At the moment I can’t believe that she has that much money to her name or that anyone would post bail for her. Seems like just tossing money away at this point.
She made her usual court appearance where she tries to look serious and like an adult and appeared shocked I tell you shocked when the judge states that she is not impressed with the steps she is taking. As a result Lindsay has to undergo random drug testing and wear one of those ankle bracelets that record whether or not you are drinking. She tried to get out of wearing the bracelet by claiming that she is shooting a film in Texas and it would interfere in the filming due to the high number of scenes that show off her left ankle. This could be a valid excuse if she was actually filming scenes this month but she isn’t. So instead she just lied to a judge in the hopes of being able to drink without detection. Have to admire her determination at a minimum.
Anyway that is going to be all for the blog tonight. It’s getting rather late and I have to get in line at the movie theater for Sex and the City 2. I can’t wait to see what wild adventures Samantha gets into this time. Maybe they will even talk about shoes. Sigh. I wish I could complain about this some more but I can’t without admitting that I spent part of my evening reading recaps of pro wrestling shows from over ten years ago. To each their own I guess.
The best news of the week so far is that they did not arrest Lindsay Lohan when she returned to the States. This is mainly due to her (or someone close to her) posting a 100,000 dollar bond. At the moment I can’t believe that she has that much money to her name or that anyone would post bail for her. Seems like just tossing money away at this point.
She made her usual court appearance where she tries to look serious and like an adult and appeared shocked I tell you shocked when the judge states that she is not impressed with the steps she is taking. As a result Lindsay has to undergo random drug testing and wear one of those ankle bracelets that record whether or not you are drinking. She tried to get out of wearing the bracelet by claiming that she is shooting a film in Texas and it would interfere in the filming due to the high number of scenes that show off her left ankle. This could be a valid excuse if she was actually filming scenes this month but she isn’t. So instead she just lied to a judge in the hopes of being able to drink without detection. Have to admire her determination at a minimum.
Anyway that is going to be all for the blog tonight. It’s getting rather late and I have to get in line at the movie theater for Sex and the City 2. I can’t wait to see what wild adventures Samantha gets into this time. Maybe they will even talk about shoes. Sigh. I wish I could complain about this some more but I can’t without admitting that I spent part of my evening reading recaps of pro wrestling shows from over ten years ago. To each their own I guess.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Lindsay Lohan: Threat or Menace
Ok, I know I write about Lindsay Lohan a lot but the stories this week have just been too good to pass up. Here is some background to keep in mind when you read this. My Beloved Lindsay is currently on probation due to her DUI / cocaine possession / crazy woman conviction. As part of her probation she was supposed to attend weekly alcohol abuse meetings unless she was forced to leave town due to business in which case she would be able to travel with a judge’s permission. Given that no one will hire Lindsay for anything other than dancing around a pole this did not seem like much of a challenge. However, going into her court date on Thursday she had not attended enough meetings and as of Thursday would be in violation of her probation.
Now where was Lindsay in those last weeks prior to the court date? Running around town doubling up on meetings just to meet the deadline like a kid cramming for finals? Of course not that would be silly and / or rather logical. Instead she was at the Cannes Film Festival theoretically promoting a new film. Again, no one believes that such a film exists or that anyone would want to see her star in anything. And even if she did you would have to think that you would prefer not to have your star in jail when the film is released to an audience larger than the Blockbuster video next door that is about to shut down. So basically she just spent the week getting trashed at parties. But don’t worry, she’ll get home in time for her court date.
Except that she missed her first flight “due to the Iceland volcano.” This is almost a believable claim given that some flights were cancelled this week due to the ash in the air produced by our good friends in Iceland because they have nothing else to do. (If you lived in Iceland you would probably want to ruin everyone else’s fun too.) However, people looked into it and found out that there were plenty of flights leaving Paris for the States with seats available. Yes, she might have needed to take a train to Paris but it was certainly manageable. So it was time for the second excuse which is….
Someone stole her passport. Yes, the same woman who had thousands of dollars of jewelry stolen from her in Heathrow now had someone steal her passport. When I travel outside the country I am basically paranoid about my passport. If it is not on me it is locked in a safe somewhere and I have a photocopy of the information page on me. I never understand how someone loses a passport or has one stolen unless they have a purse or backpack stolen. But Lindsay, on the day she has to fly back to the States for a probation hearing that will most likely end in jail time just happens to lose her passport. What a coincidence.
We should just admit it right now. Lindsay is a criminal fugitive who has fled overseas in an attempt to find political amnesty in a foreign country. She’s like Roman Polanski except with more cocaine and less felony charges. We need to get Interpol on this (along with telling them to stop making such crappy records.) She is a menace who must be brought to justice.
Wednesday Night Music Club: David Ford covering the Counting Crows “Round Here” in his typical one man band fashion. Why this guy isn’t a huge star just amazes me. Saw him as an opening act for Gomez a few years back and was just blown away by his performance.
Now where was Lindsay in those last weeks prior to the court date? Running around town doubling up on meetings just to meet the deadline like a kid cramming for finals? Of course not that would be silly and / or rather logical. Instead she was at the Cannes Film Festival theoretically promoting a new film. Again, no one believes that such a film exists or that anyone would want to see her star in anything. And even if she did you would have to think that you would prefer not to have your star in jail when the film is released to an audience larger than the Blockbuster video next door that is about to shut down. So basically she just spent the week getting trashed at parties. But don’t worry, she’ll get home in time for her court date.
Except that she missed her first flight “due to the Iceland volcano.” This is almost a believable claim given that some flights were cancelled this week due to the ash in the air produced by our good friends in Iceland because they have nothing else to do. (If you lived in Iceland you would probably want to ruin everyone else’s fun too.) However, people looked into it and found out that there were plenty of flights leaving Paris for the States with seats available. Yes, she might have needed to take a train to Paris but it was certainly manageable. So it was time for the second excuse which is….
Someone stole her passport. Yes, the same woman who had thousands of dollars of jewelry stolen from her in Heathrow now had someone steal her passport. When I travel outside the country I am basically paranoid about my passport. If it is not on me it is locked in a safe somewhere and I have a photocopy of the information page on me. I never understand how someone loses a passport or has one stolen unless they have a purse or backpack stolen. But Lindsay, on the day she has to fly back to the States for a probation hearing that will most likely end in jail time just happens to lose her passport. What a coincidence.
We should just admit it right now. Lindsay is a criminal fugitive who has fled overseas in an attempt to find political amnesty in a foreign country. She’s like Roman Polanski except with more cocaine and less felony charges. We need to get Interpol on this (along with telling them to stop making such crappy records.) She is a menace who must be brought to justice.
Wednesday Night Music Club: David Ford covering the Counting Crows “Round Here” in his typical one man band fashion. Why this guy isn’t a huge star just amazes me. Saw him as an opening act for Gomez a few years back and was just blown away by his performance.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Get your Free Lindsay t-shirts now
Monday Weigh In: I came in at 208 this week which is down a pound from last week. I’ve got the needle moving in the right direction and that is the most important thing. I’m cleaning up my diet (except for the box of Chips Ahoy that somehow managed to sneak its way into my apartment) and am back to a workout routine that is almost but not quite routine. But progress is progress and per Wii Fit I now have a BMI of under 28. Now I just have to get it to 25 so I am no longer officially classified as chubby.
I’m not making this up but after last night’s post about vanity plates I found myself behind a car with a plate that read “FIBONCI” this morning. Now, that one is cool. I mean, it’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3, 5…
(This was one of the highlights of my day. I’m not sure if that is indicative of just how much of a nerd I am or how bad my day was. Probably a mixture of the two.)
In other news from this weekend they crowned Miss USA and….really does anyone care about this? Anyone at all? Ooh, look there are photos of Miss USA pole dancing and wearing, well, more clothes than she did in the Miss USA pageant. Are we supposed to be shocked by this? Does anyone even know what network this was broadcast on? Beauty pageants are a strange thing to begin with (and yes, they are supposed to be about talent and poise and how well you look in a swimsuit) and the Miss USA pageant has that Donald Trump layer of ooze to it but I just don’t seem to get the point. It’s 2010, does any of this even matter? And don’t get me started on Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC.
Really I’m just kind of played out with pop culture at the moment. My Beloved Lindsay is most likely headed to jail for not attending AA classes. Incredibly, all she had to do was show up. She could keep drinking but just had to attend class. There isn’t any movie coming out this summer that catches my interest other than seeing just how much The A-Team ruins my childhood memories. The TV season is winding down and summer looks to be another wasteland until the new season of Big Brother starts up. I guess I’m just going to have to spend time reading. What a concept.
I’m not making this up but after last night’s post about vanity plates I found myself behind a car with a plate that read “FIBONCI” this morning. Now, that one is cool. I mean, it’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3, 5…
(This was one of the highlights of my day. I’m not sure if that is indicative of just how much of a nerd I am or how bad my day was. Probably a mixture of the two.)
In other news from this weekend they crowned Miss USA and….really does anyone care about this? Anyone at all? Ooh, look there are photos of Miss USA pole dancing and wearing, well, more clothes than she did in the Miss USA pageant. Are we supposed to be shocked by this? Does anyone even know what network this was broadcast on? Beauty pageants are a strange thing to begin with (and yes, they are supposed to be about talent and poise and how well you look in a swimsuit) and the Miss USA pageant has that Donald Trump layer of ooze to it but I just don’t seem to get the point. It’s 2010, does any of this even matter? And don’t get me started on Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC.
Really I’m just kind of played out with pop culture at the moment. My Beloved Lindsay is most likely headed to jail for not attending AA classes. Incredibly, all she had to do was show up. She could keep drinking but just had to attend class. There isn’t any movie coming out this summer that catches my interest other than seeing just how much The A-Team ruins my childhood memories. The TV season is winding down and summer looks to be another wasteland until the new season of Big Brother starts up. I guess I’m just going to have to spend time reading. What a concept.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Hollywood has now officially run out of ideas
Your weekly pop culture wrap up….
1) It’s official everyone. Ricky Martin is gay. I know this comes as stunning news to us all. We were all certain that he just hadn’t found the right woman even with his mother suggesting that nice girl from the coffee shop. I mean, he could have at least taken her out for coffee, though I guess taking a girl who works at a coffee shop out for coffee is kind of redundant. Anyway, yes the former member of Menudo has finally come out of the closet a good decade after anyone cared about him or had any doubts about his sexuality. This may be the least shocking piece of celebrity gossip ever.
2) In slightly less surprising celebrity gossip, My Beloved Lindsay was spotted leaving a house late at night with, us, large puffs of a white powdery substance emanating from her shoes. She claims that it is talcum powder, which for a normal person would actually make sense. Sadly the thought that it might be another white powdery substance is much more likely though how in the world it would end up in her shoes is beyond me. Still this is clearly the easiest joke ever given to late night comics.
3) It also has hit the wires that the news organizations are already writing Lindsay’s obituary so that they will have it ready to go in case something happens to her. This isn’t that unusual; they had one set for Michael Jackson as well. Typically you set it up in advance for major public figures or for people you expect to pass away soon. Given that no one can recall the last thing Lindsay did we should take this as a sign that she needs serious help. It’s fascinating, macabre and more than a little depressing that someone can destroy themselves on a public stage and no one does anything to stop it. So Lindsay, if you read this post from your last remaining fan, go to rehab. Dr. Drew will do his best to help you out.
4) In the “For crying out loud, I should just move to Hollywood to pitch movie ideas” the eTrade babies are going to be made into a full length movie by Fox. Yes, the same people who brought you the Geico Caveman series, the Baby Bob show and the Alf 1-800-Collect ads are going to struggle to make a 90 minute movie out of talking babies who are focused on their portfolio and their golf games. I think even reading this made me feel a little dead inside.
5) I didn’t realize this until I read some comments on the eTrade baby online. Ever realize that the baby is a bit of a prick? He is constantly talking about his portfolio, completely rips on his golfing partner, goes to bachelor parties in Vegas while trash talking one of his friends and cheats on his girlfriend with that milkaholic Lindsay. Even as a baby he is the type of guy you want to hate. If you are going to make a movie about a talking baby at least make him likeable.
1) It’s official everyone. Ricky Martin is gay. I know this comes as stunning news to us all. We were all certain that he just hadn’t found the right woman even with his mother suggesting that nice girl from the coffee shop. I mean, he could have at least taken her out for coffee, though I guess taking a girl who works at a coffee shop out for coffee is kind of redundant. Anyway, yes the former member of Menudo has finally come out of the closet a good decade after anyone cared about him or had any doubts about his sexuality. This may be the least shocking piece of celebrity gossip ever.
2) In slightly less surprising celebrity gossip, My Beloved Lindsay was spotted leaving a house late at night with, us, large puffs of a white powdery substance emanating from her shoes. She claims that it is talcum powder, which for a normal person would actually make sense. Sadly the thought that it might be another white powdery substance is much more likely though how in the world it would end up in her shoes is beyond me. Still this is clearly the easiest joke ever given to late night comics.
3) It also has hit the wires that the news organizations are already writing Lindsay’s obituary so that they will have it ready to go in case something happens to her. This isn’t that unusual; they had one set for Michael Jackson as well. Typically you set it up in advance for major public figures or for people you expect to pass away soon. Given that no one can recall the last thing Lindsay did we should take this as a sign that she needs serious help. It’s fascinating, macabre and more than a little depressing that someone can destroy themselves on a public stage and no one does anything to stop it. So Lindsay, if you read this post from your last remaining fan, go to rehab. Dr. Drew will do his best to help you out.
4) In the “For crying out loud, I should just move to Hollywood to pitch movie ideas” the eTrade babies are going to be made into a full length movie by Fox. Yes, the same people who brought you the Geico Caveman series, the Baby Bob show and the Alf 1-800-Collect ads are going to struggle to make a 90 minute movie out of talking babies who are focused on their portfolio and their golf games. I think even reading this made me feel a little dead inside.
5) I didn’t realize this until I read some comments on the eTrade baby online. Ever realize that the baby is a bit of a prick? He is constantly talking about his portfolio, completely rips on his golfing partner, goes to bachelor parties in Vegas while trash talking one of his friends and cheats on his girlfriend with that milkaholic Lindsay. Even as a baby he is the type of guy you want to hate. If you are going to make a movie about a talking baby at least make him likeable.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Corey and Lindsay: Parallel Lives
For the commenter on last night’s post: I do agree with the fact that it is definitely possible to parse out a generation between Gen X and the Boomers. Generations are vague things and while I typically stick with the Strauss and Howe definitions (in which case I should be using 13th Gen as the official distinction) but I can see the point. In reality, as someone born in 1973 I consider myself to be the heart of Gen X as I was 18 when Nevermind was released. Cobain was 24 at the time while Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall were 23. I think that all puts us in the Gen X category. But you’re right, St. Elmo’s Fire is not a Gen X film while The Breakfast Club most certainly is even if they may star the same actors.
Interesting timing that I wrote about Gen X last night while this morning we lost one of the Coreys. Yes, Corey Haim passed away this morning and as someone elegantly put it, he now has a license to drive in heaven. Corey Haim was an interesting celebrity as he was one of the first people to be famous because he was famous more than anything else. True, he starred in Lucas and The Lost Boys but that really isn’t enough of a resume to warrant such attention years after his biggest bouts of fame. He is remembered more for being a party boy and dealing with drug addictions than anything else. It is a strange legacy.
Speaking of people with strange legacies that will be forever linked with substance abuse My Beloved Lindsay is back in the news with possibly the worst lawsuit ever. It is one of those things that you have to read to believe. She is suing eTrade over my new favorite commercial in which one of the talking babies asks about “that milkaholic Lindsay.” Apparently, in My Beloved Lindsay’s mind this constitutes defamation of character, infringement on her good name and is worth $100 million in damages. Let’s examine this one, shall we?
First of all, the ad utilizes talking babies. It is highly likely that at this point Lindsay believes that babies can talk and that they are reading from a script. In fact, some of her comments seem to imply this as she talks about how horrible it is to have one year olds act out these scenes. I don’t believe that one year olds act per se. More like they exist. They don’t trade stocks either but that is an argument for another day.
Her big argument is that her first name is synonymous with her in the same way as Madonna and Oprah. Two huge flaws in that argument as a) she isn’t as famous as either of those two and b) her name isn’t as unique. I’ve never met an Oprah in my life though I have met a Madonna (she went by Donna). I’ve met several Lindsays and even in the past few weeks the news has been filled with stories about Lindsay Vonn. It’s tough to claim that your good name is being sullied when it isn’t even a direct reference to your name and being called a milkaholic really isn’t that bad of a thing.
The worst part of all is this is the claim for $100 million dollars as this commercial has ruined her good name and has caused untold pain and suffering. Now as someone who still has a lawsuit pending against the creators of “Everybody Hates Chris” I understand her point but come on, her name isn’t worth that much. Lindsay Lohan has no career at this point. She’s not even worth Playboy paying money for a pictorial. No one would hire her as an actress, she looks horrible and randomly suing large corporations isn’t a strong sign of mental stability. I’m wondering who the hell her lawyer is because I wouldn’t want my name associated with this lawsuit.
At one point in time Lindsay was a talented actress with huge potential. People said the same thing about Corey Haim at one point. Sadly, I feel that both stories will end up in the same place.
Interesting timing that I wrote about Gen X last night while this morning we lost one of the Coreys. Yes, Corey Haim passed away this morning and as someone elegantly put it, he now has a license to drive in heaven. Corey Haim was an interesting celebrity as he was one of the first people to be famous because he was famous more than anything else. True, he starred in Lucas and The Lost Boys but that really isn’t enough of a resume to warrant such attention years after his biggest bouts of fame. He is remembered more for being a party boy and dealing with drug addictions than anything else. It is a strange legacy.
Speaking of people with strange legacies that will be forever linked with substance abuse My Beloved Lindsay is back in the news with possibly the worst lawsuit ever. It is one of those things that you have to read to believe. She is suing eTrade over my new favorite commercial in which one of the talking babies asks about “that milkaholic Lindsay.” Apparently, in My Beloved Lindsay’s mind this constitutes defamation of character, infringement on her good name and is worth $100 million in damages. Let’s examine this one, shall we?
First of all, the ad utilizes talking babies. It is highly likely that at this point Lindsay believes that babies can talk and that they are reading from a script. In fact, some of her comments seem to imply this as she talks about how horrible it is to have one year olds act out these scenes. I don’t believe that one year olds act per se. More like they exist. They don’t trade stocks either but that is an argument for another day.
Her big argument is that her first name is synonymous with her in the same way as Madonna and Oprah. Two huge flaws in that argument as a) she isn’t as famous as either of those two and b) her name isn’t as unique. I’ve never met an Oprah in my life though I have met a Madonna (she went by Donna). I’ve met several Lindsays and even in the past few weeks the news has been filled with stories about Lindsay Vonn. It’s tough to claim that your good name is being sullied when it isn’t even a direct reference to your name and being called a milkaholic really isn’t that bad of a thing.
The worst part of all is this is the claim for $100 million dollars as this commercial has ruined her good name and has caused untold pain and suffering. Now as someone who still has a lawsuit pending against the creators of “Everybody Hates Chris” I understand her point but come on, her name isn’t worth that much. Lindsay Lohan has no career at this point. She’s not even worth Playboy paying money for a pictorial. No one would hire her as an actress, she looks horrible and randomly suing large corporations isn’t a strong sign of mental stability. I’m wondering who the hell her lawyer is because I wouldn’t want my name associated with this lawsuit.
At one point in time Lindsay was a talented actress with huge potential. People said the same thing about Corey Haim at one point. Sadly, I feel that both stories will end up in the same place.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
We now care about Jersey?
I hate to say this but I kind of wish that we had a small boy floating away in a balloon right about now. At least that way I would have a ready made topic to write about. I mean, what am I supposed to write about? The runoff election in Afghanastan? The continuing debate on health care? The fact that one of the candidates for New Jersey governor is so fat that it may prevent him from getting elected?
Actually, I’ll at least touch on that last one. First off, while Christie is rather large he is not what we would describe as “Orca Fat” in the wonderful language of Kayser Soze. True, he could definitely spend some time on Wii Fit but I don’t see it as a reason why he cannot hold public office. What I do have an issue with is the fact that I have to watch commercials for New Jersey political races. I thought it was bad in KC where I had to deal with both Kansas and Missouri debates: mainly Kansas residents voting on how much corn to plant and Missouri residents trying to approve casinos and brothels for Branson. Now I have to watch commercials for Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware. And I’m not even sure if Delaware technically has a government. For all I know governor is chosen by a game of musical chairs.
(Ages and ages ago I wrote a story about an international musical chairs tournament. Given that the Rock, Paper, Scissors championship has been broadcast on ESPN I think I might need to advance this topic a little more.)
I’ll close up with a My Beloved Lindsay update. One of the gossip websites I read (and yes, there are several) did a before and after picture of Miss Lohan from just three years ago. She goes from looking kind of drunk but still attractive to looking like that forty eight year old woman at the end of the bar smoking unfiltered cigarettes and looking at you way too closely. I mean, the combination of hard partying and botox has taken someone who was naturally very pretty and turned her into something that can’t even be described as a shell of her former self. At least shells are clean and pure. She’s more like the empty hamburger wrapper of her former self. Personally, I like the story that people want her to go to rehab but she won’t because she wouldn’t be allowed to drink there. If you are going to go out you might as well do it in style.
Actually, I’ll at least touch on that last one. First off, while Christie is rather large he is not what we would describe as “Orca Fat” in the wonderful language of Kayser Soze. True, he could definitely spend some time on Wii Fit but I don’t see it as a reason why he cannot hold public office. What I do have an issue with is the fact that I have to watch commercials for New Jersey political races. I thought it was bad in KC where I had to deal with both Kansas and Missouri debates: mainly Kansas residents voting on how much corn to plant and Missouri residents trying to approve casinos and brothels for Branson. Now I have to watch commercials for Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware. And I’m not even sure if Delaware technically has a government. For all I know governor is chosen by a game of musical chairs.
(Ages and ages ago I wrote a story about an international musical chairs tournament. Given that the Rock, Paper, Scissors championship has been broadcast on ESPN I think I might need to advance this topic a little more.)
I’ll close up with a My Beloved Lindsay update. One of the gossip websites I read (and yes, there are several) did a before and after picture of Miss Lohan from just three years ago. She goes from looking kind of drunk but still attractive to looking like that forty eight year old woman at the end of the bar smoking unfiltered cigarettes and looking at you way too closely. I mean, the combination of hard partying and botox has taken someone who was naturally very pretty and turned her into something that can’t even be described as a shell of her former self. At least shells are clean and pure. She’s more like the empty hamburger wrapper of her former self. Personally, I like the story that people want her to go to rehab but she won’t because she wouldn’t be allowed to drink there. If you are going to go out you might as well do it in style.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Might as well retire my headphones
(For those of you who were wondering just what I meant when I wished everyone a happy Bloomsday here is the explanation. The novel Ulysses takes place on June 16th (a date chosen by Joyce because that is he when he first met his wife, Nora Barnacle) and it is tradition in Dublin and amongst all hyper-literate people to spend the day celebrating the greatest novel ever written. In Dublin people trace out the exact route the characters take throughout the day (I’ve walked parts of it when I’ve been there.) On my way to work I drive past this prep school and today I saw a man dressed like James Joyce. Made me happy or at least mildly content to be in Delaware.)
I am aghast at all of these spurious claims that My Beloved Lindsay stole jewelry from the set of a photo shoot. Think of all the other possibilities. What about the photographer or the makeup artists? What about the possibility of a team of elite, highly attractive, female cat burglars entering the building, stealing the jewelry via a string of intricate acrobatic maneuvers, and escaping unnoticed? It’s like people think Lindsay would just walk off the set with a bunch of diamonds just so she could pawn them for drug money. Come on, how likely is that?
Ok, I was just flipping around the web searching for music to listen to while I write and just found out that one of my favorite websites ever, fabchannel.com, went under three months ago. This is horrible news for me. Fabchannel was one of those sites that made sitting in an office in Kansas bearable. Their concept was incredibly simple. They would film concerts in Amsterdam with high quality video and audio and post the full concerts online. They had an advertisement or two in the mix when you called up the concert and several links to buy the CD on Amazon but that was about as intrusive as it got. Sadly, the constant fighting with the record labels have proven too much and they have been forced to shut down.
This to me is just a big sign as to how stupid the music industry is at the moment. This was a wonderful set of relatively cheap promotion just sitting out there and they end up just tossing it away. These are shows that the average consumer was never going to see so it is not as though that they were risking ticket sales. Obviously if the show sucked they would have the right to pull it to protect their band’s image. They would even have a complete, professional grade, concert to release on DVD if they so desired. I spent hours listening to The Frames, Josh Ritter, Damien Rice and Arcade Fire on this site. I became bigger fans of all of those acts as a result and have seen them all in concert. That is how you promote music in the new media landscape.
I wish that there would be a better venue for really high quality music to be presented to the public. I mean in the 120 Minutes sense of the term. One show, one location on the web where there is just a dedicated stream of new and interesting music. Thanks to the Long Tail it is so hard to find music that is good because there is just so much stuff out there. First person who figures out a way to that will become very wealthy indeed.
I am aghast at all of these spurious claims that My Beloved Lindsay stole jewelry from the set of a photo shoot. Think of all the other possibilities. What about the photographer or the makeup artists? What about the possibility of a team of elite, highly attractive, female cat burglars entering the building, stealing the jewelry via a string of intricate acrobatic maneuvers, and escaping unnoticed? It’s like people think Lindsay would just walk off the set with a bunch of diamonds just so she could pawn them for drug money. Come on, how likely is that?
Ok, I was just flipping around the web searching for music to listen to while I write and just found out that one of my favorite websites ever, fabchannel.com, went under three months ago. This is horrible news for me. Fabchannel was one of those sites that made sitting in an office in Kansas bearable. Their concept was incredibly simple. They would film concerts in Amsterdam with high quality video and audio and post the full concerts online. They had an advertisement or two in the mix when you called up the concert and several links to buy the CD on Amazon but that was about as intrusive as it got. Sadly, the constant fighting with the record labels have proven too much and they have been forced to shut down.
This to me is just a big sign as to how stupid the music industry is at the moment. This was a wonderful set of relatively cheap promotion just sitting out there and they end up just tossing it away. These are shows that the average consumer was never going to see so it is not as though that they were risking ticket sales. Obviously if the show sucked they would have the right to pull it to protect their band’s image. They would even have a complete, professional grade, concert to release on DVD if they so desired. I spent hours listening to The Frames, Josh Ritter, Damien Rice and Arcade Fire on this site. I became bigger fans of all of those acts as a result and have seen them all in concert. That is how you promote music in the new media landscape.
I wish that there would be a better venue for really high quality music to be presented to the public. I mean in the 120 Minutes sense of the term. One show, one location on the web where there is just a dedicated stream of new and interesting music. Thanks to the Long Tail it is so hard to find music that is good because there is just so much stuff out there. First person who figures out a way to that will become very wealthy indeed.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Such warrantless gossip...
I need to start off by addressing those unfounded rumors that My Beloved Lindsay is preggers. First off, this is complete nonsense as we all know that she is as pure as the driven snow and is saving herself for marriage. Therefore, if by some miracle she actually is with child than this must be considered a virgin birth and we must all act accordingly. I am stocking up on frankincense as we speak just in case.
You might think I am joking but I have read the prophecies. Nostradamus is quite clear on this one…
Though tempted by a sister the parent trap shall bare
Her body and soul amidst the white powder
The rule of Georgia shall mark the finding of who killed me
She should never have dyed her hair blonde
On a totally different note I caught the finale of Hell’s Kitchen tonight and was very glad to see that Danny won. He was clearly the best chef on the show and I am almost tempted to go to Atlantic City to try out his restaurant. I mean, I totally would if it didn’t mean that I would have to go to New Jersey in the process.
Of all the reality shows, Hell’s Kitchen is simultaneously the most fake and the most real. It is totally fake in that Gordon Ramsey’s persona is so over the top and the challenges are created in such a way that it just happens that the women’s team wins when the reward is a spa treatment or a photo shoot while the men’s team win when the reward is go cart racing. Also, every challenge comes down to the wire. There is never a blowout.
The other part that isn’t really fake but shows what is unnecessary is that the show could really be done in only a few episodes. The entire idea behind the show is these chefs are competing to be a head chef at a new restaurant with Ramsey picking the winner. The thing is after episode three he has already picked the two or three people who could possibly win and we then spend the next two months getting rid of everyone else. This isn’t really wrong (Anthony Bourdain would just line all 16 chefs up, say “make me an omelet”, pick a winner and then head to a bar) but it almost takes the drama out of it. We all knew it was going to be between Danny and Paula.
But even with all of that this is the only cooking show that actually gives a sense of what it is really like in a restaurant kitchen. For as much as I love Top Chef it really is a show about making one dish exceptionally well. Hell’s Kitchen is about getting stuck in the weeds as a line chef, dealing with irate customers and an insane head chef, and making it through the night without seriously injuring yourself. Despite all the over the top theatrics that take place on the show that is completely real. It makes for a good mix.
Didn’t post a song last night (was either going to use Timbuk 3 or Vitamin C but thought that was going to be too cheesy.) Instead I will post this song by Lisa Hannigan that I just simply adore. If you want to have a sense of just what my life has been like these past few months just listen to the lyrics.
You might think I am joking but I have read the prophecies. Nostradamus is quite clear on this one…
Though tempted by a sister the parent trap shall bare
Her body and soul amidst the white powder
The rule of Georgia shall mark the finding of who killed me
She should never have dyed her hair blonde
On a totally different note I caught the finale of Hell’s Kitchen tonight and was very glad to see that Danny won. He was clearly the best chef on the show and I am almost tempted to go to Atlantic City to try out his restaurant. I mean, I totally would if it didn’t mean that I would have to go to New Jersey in the process.
Of all the reality shows, Hell’s Kitchen is simultaneously the most fake and the most real. It is totally fake in that Gordon Ramsey’s persona is so over the top and the challenges are created in such a way that it just happens that the women’s team wins when the reward is a spa treatment or a photo shoot while the men’s team win when the reward is go cart racing. Also, every challenge comes down to the wire. There is never a blowout.
The other part that isn’t really fake but shows what is unnecessary is that the show could really be done in only a few episodes. The entire idea behind the show is these chefs are competing to be a head chef at a new restaurant with Ramsey picking the winner. The thing is after episode three he has already picked the two or three people who could possibly win and we then spend the next two months getting rid of everyone else. This isn’t really wrong (Anthony Bourdain would just line all 16 chefs up, say “make me an omelet”, pick a winner and then head to a bar) but it almost takes the drama out of it. We all knew it was going to be between Danny and Paula.
But even with all of that this is the only cooking show that actually gives a sense of what it is really like in a restaurant kitchen. For as much as I love Top Chef it really is a show about making one dish exceptionally well. Hell’s Kitchen is about getting stuck in the weeds as a line chef, dealing with irate customers and an insane head chef, and making it through the night without seriously injuring yourself. Despite all the over the top theatrics that take place on the show that is completely real. It makes for a good mix.
Didn’t post a song last night (was either going to use Timbuk 3 or Vitamin C but thought that was going to be too cheesy.) Instead I will post this song by Lisa Hannigan that I just simply adore. If you want to have a sense of just what my life has been like these past few months just listen to the lyrics.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I wonder how she answered the test....
(Note: I had originally posted the Embed code for the Lindsay video here. However, it made my blog page all wonky so I've had to pull it. Go to www.funnyordie.com for the full clip. Tell Starzan that I sent you and would like a featured spot on the site.)
I have to give a shout out and a big thank you to my good friends at Funny or Die for creating this piece of internet genius. Yes, it is just my luck that right after I get a girlfriend My Beloved Lindsay decides to starts placing personal ads. I mean, now I could meet her without even having to get dressed. Oh well, guess that is the price that I will have to pay in order to spend every day with a smile on my face.
(Though really Lindsay, I say this from the bottom of my cold, black heart, have a sandwich. Go to Subway and pick up a five dollar footlong. There is such a thing as too skinny and you went beyond it. Also, to the marketing team at Funny or Die. Where is my syndication deal? I was promised a syndication deal.)
Going back to last night’s post. Not sure if people have ever noticed this but pretty much the last thing I do is try to come up with a witty title for the post. It is why they always tend to be non sequitors. The title is often the last thing between me and a night’s sleep. So last night’s idea of a television show called “Sugar Daddy” was just a spur of the moment idea.
However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that is exactly what “The Cougar” would be like if held in reverse. Let’s say we take a 40 or 45 year old guy who is most likely graying and getting a little fatter in the mid section. Not that he would look bad or anything, he would actually look quite sophisticated in a suit, but he would certainly look like someone’s cool dad if he was at a college bar. Now let’s have twenty young women, none older than 23, compete for his affection. Including getting drunk in a hot tub, flirts over glasses of champagne and a few make out sessions. What do you think the reaction to this show would be? Even if it was called something more mundane like “The Silver Fox?”
For some reason I would expect there to be a pretty sizable outrage regarding even the idea of the show. Young women being taken advantage for the benefit of an older man, especially if the sugar daddy aspect is taken into account, just seems to be something that really goes against a lot of standards. I could see protests against such a show especially if you played up the baser instincts of it.
Which is interesting given that we don’t care at all about any of the other reality shows and what type of image that provides or what we feel it might do for the contestants. Does anyone show concern that the contestants on The Rock of Love Bus may not be exhibiting the basic feminist ideals? Or that appearing on Tila Tequila may be something that might cause a slight issue in future job interviews? I think we are all amazed at what people will give up for just a few moments of fame. Except that it is not even fame. It is a few minutes on a basic cable channel in exchange for your pride and self-worth. There are more than enough people who are willing to make that trade and it amazes me.
I have to give a shout out and a big thank you to my good friends at Funny or Die for creating this piece of internet genius. Yes, it is just my luck that right after I get a girlfriend My Beloved Lindsay decides to starts placing personal ads. I mean, now I could meet her without even having to get dressed. Oh well, guess that is the price that I will have to pay in order to spend every day with a smile on my face.
(Though really Lindsay, I say this from the bottom of my cold, black heart, have a sandwich. Go to Subway and pick up a five dollar footlong. There is such a thing as too skinny and you went beyond it. Also, to the marketing team at Funny or Die. Where is my syndication deal? I was promised a syndication deal.)
Going back to last night’s post. Not sure if people have ever noticed this but pretty much the last thing I do is try to come up with a witty title for the post. It is why they always tend to be non sequitors. The title is often the last thing between me and a night’s sleep. So last night’s idea of a television show called “Sugar Daddy” was just a spur of the moment idea.
However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that is exactly what “The Cougar” would be like if held in reverse. Let’s say we take a 40 or 45 year old guy who is most likely graying and getting a little fatter in the mid section. Not that he would look bad or anything, he would actually look quite sophisticated in a suit, but he would certainly look like someone’s cool dad if he was at a college bar. Now let’s have twenty young women, none older than 23, compete for his affection. Including getting drunk in a hot tub, flirts over glasses of champagne and a few make out sessions. What do you think the reaction to this show would be? Even if it was called something more mundane like “The Silver Fox?”
For some reason I would expect there to be a pretty sizable outrage regarding even the idea of the show. Young women being taken advantage for the benefit of an older man, especially if the sugar daddy aspect is taken into account, just seems to be something that really goes against a lot of standards. I could see protests against such a show especially if you played up the baser instincts of it.
Which is interesting given that we don’t care at all about any of the other reality shows and what type of image that provides or what we feel it might do for the contestants. Does anyone show concern that the contestants on The Rock of Love Bus may not be exhibiting the basic feminist ideals? Or that appearing on Tila Tequila may be something that might cause a slight issue in future job interviews? I think we are all amazed at what people will give up for just a few moments of fame. Except that it is not even fame. It is a few minutes on a basic cable channel in exchange for your pride and self-worth. There are more than enough people who are willing to make that trade and it amazes me.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Just another manic monday
I’m rather impressed that My Beloved Lindsay has started Twittering. Not that I want to hear anything that she has to say but rather the fact that she is able to compose thoughts of up to 140 characters. Though mainly the tweets have been about her latest break up. Latest break up? Woo hoo! I move up another space on the depth chart.
(Ok, it might be time to retire the whole Lindsay gag. It was fun for a while but now that my real life is a lot more interesting and wonderful than it has been this bit might be growing a little stale. Plus, have you seen a picture of her lately? I don’t think I want to date her. I’d rather buy her a sandwich.)
In other celebrity gossip news Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is dating Tila Tequila, the world famous author and celebrity for a reason that no one can comprehend. You know, one of the nice things about being a rock star is that you can have pretty much any woman that you could ever want. However, as your star fades your pickings become slightly slimmer. Want an idea of how over the grunge era is? The best Billy Corgan can do now is Tila Tequila.
It is also opening day of the baseball season today. Well, technically last night was opening night because we need multiple openings of the season but today was the start of the day games. For those wondering Opening Day not only marks the start of spring but it is also a) the last time anyone will discuss the Royals and b) the indication that in two weeks we can stop caring about the Cubs. Meanwhile Major League Baseball decided that my White Sox were too awesome to even take the field today so they cancelled the game in order to give the rest of the league a small glimmer of hope that they would even theoretically be able to compete this year. It is small sacrifices like this that we make for the betterment of the game.
Oh, and finally go to hell Carolina. I don’t have any real reason to say that other than force of habit but really, go to hell. And take Roy Williams with you.
(Ok, it might be time to retire the whole Lindsay gag. It was fun for a while but now that my real life is a lot more interesting and wonderful than it has been this bit might be growing a little stale. Plus, have you seen a picture of her lately? I don’t think I want to date her. I’d rather buy her a sandwich.)
In other celebrity gossip news Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is dating Tila Tequila, the world famous author and celebrity for a reason that no one can comprehend. You know, one of the nice things about being a rock star is that you can have pretty much any woman that you could ever want. However, as your star fades your pickings become slightly slimmer. Want an idea of how over the grunge era is? The best Billy Corgan can do now is Tila Tequila.
It is also opening day of the baseball season today. Well, technically last night was opening night because we need multiple openings of the season but today was the start of the day games. For those wondering Opening Day not only marks the start of spring but it is also a) the last time anyone will discuss the Royals and b) the indication that in two weeks we can stop caring about the Cubs. Meanwhile Major League Baseball decided that my White Sox were too awesome to even take the field today so they cancelled the game in order to give the rest of the league a small glimmer of hope that they would even theoretically be able to compete this year. It is small sacrifices like this that we make for the betterment of the game.
Oh, and finally go to hell Carolina. I don’t have any real reason to say that other than force of habit but really, go to hell. And take Roy Williams with you.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It will always be 1989
I have two comments on my picture of the Rock and Roll Express last night. The first is that between this picture and what I learned by reading Bret “The Hitman” Hart’s autobiography it is clear that pretty much every person I watched wrestle in the 80’s was on cocaine. Second is that while that picture shows two of the dorkiest guys you could ever imagine they were easily the most popular people in wrestling at the time. Women went nuts for them. If they wrestled today they would be laughed out of the building but back in the 80’s they were the biggest thing going.
(Yes, I read my yearly pro wrestling autobiography. Bret Hart detailed his career over more than 500 pages. Yes, someone could write that many words about a sport in which everything is pre-determined. However, if you ever want to know what really goes on backstage as well as read up on one of the most dysfunctional families ever it is a great book. At times tragic and other times funny, a very memorable read.)
In celebrity news this week, Michael Jackson claimed that he was too sick to travel to a court date. He declined to define the term “sick” though. Was he physically ill, suffering from a malady, or is just so batshit insane that he cannot physically climb into a metal box to be transported to the courthouse? I’m not sure if anyone in pop culture history has imploded in such a fascinating way as Michael Jackson. We give Brittney a lot of crap for shaving off her hair but that is nothing compared to Michael. Her hair grew back. He looks absolutely nothing like he did twenty years ago and is so meaningless from a pop culture perspective that he has become his own parody. Weird Al looks at him and goes “Why bother?”
On that same wavelength we do have the release of the new Guns N Roses album. Yes, Chinese Democracy is finally going to be upon us after a good decade of waiting. I still remember in college having a discussion as to whose career would you rather manage: Michael Jackson’s or Guns N Roses’. At the time they were both the biggest acts on the planet. In the end you would want neither of them. Pearl Jam would have been a decent alternative (they always made a good living touring, though not massively successful).
Now I was never really a metal guy but I am wondering who this new GNR album is for. Just from a marketing perspective it seems like an odd sell. Is it for people in their 30s and 40s who listened to the band in high school and college? Don’t you outgrow that music? I can’t see a teenager wanting it. “Yeah, let’s get that disc from that strange old man yelling into the microphone.” Remember, most people now know Bret Michaels from Rock of Love than from Poison. I’m certain people will buy it out of curiosity but I don’t think anyone really wants to listen to it. They might want to hear it; but not really listen to it.
I’ll end with one last pop culture tidbit and a joke that I am borrowing from another website. So PETA assaulted My Beloved Lindsay outside of a club over the weekend. Apparently, they are upset over her wearing fur. In defense of My Beloved, if God didn’t want us to wear fur he wouldn’t have made animals so warm and defenseless. Anyway, the protest involved throwing a white powder on Lindsay as she entered the club. Her reaction?
“Cool! They cover you with blow as you walk in! This club rocks!”
Sigh. One day she’ll realize that I am the only man for her. I’ve got to be moving up the depth chart.
(Yes, I read my yearly pro wrestling autobiography. Bret Hart detailed his career over more than 500 pages. Yes, someone could write that many words about a sport in which everything is pre-determined. However, if you ever want to know what really goes on backstage as well as read up on one of the most dysfunctional families ever it is a great book. At times tragic and other times funny, a very memorable read.)
In celebrity news this week, Michael Jackson claimed that he was too sick to travel to a court date. He declined to define the term “sick” though. Was he physically ill, suffering from a malady, or is just so batshit insane that he cannot physically climb into a metal box to be transported to the courthouse? I’m not sure if anyone in pop culture history has imploded in such a fascinating way as Michael Jackson. We give Brittney a lot of crap for shaving off her hair but that is nothing compared to Michael. Her hair grew back. He looks absolutely nothing like he did twenty years ago and is so meaningless from a pop culture perspective that he has become his own parody. Weird Al looks at him and goes “Why bother?”
On that same wavelength we do have the release of the new Guns N Roses album. Yes, Chinese Democracy is finally going to be upon us after a good decade of waiting. I still remember in college having a discussion as to whose career would you rather manage: Michael Jackson’s or Guns N Roses’. At the time they were both the biggest acts on the planet. In the end you would want neither of them. Pearl Jam would have been a decent alternative (they always made a good living touring, though not massively successful).
Now I was never really a metal guy but I am wondering who this new GNR album is for. Just from a marketing perspective it seems like an odd sell. Is it for people in their 30s and 40s who listened to the band in high school and college? Don’t you outgrow that music? I can’t see a teenager wanting it. “Yeah, let’s get that disc from that strange old man yelling into the microphone.” Remember, most people now know Bret Michaels from Rock of Love than from Poison. I’m certain people will buy it out of curiosity but I don’t think anyone really wants to listen to it. They might want to hear it; but not really listen to it.
I’ll end with one last pop culture tidbit and a joke that I am borrowing from another website. So PETA assaulted My Beloved Lindsay outside of a club over the weekend. Apparently, they are upset over her wearing fur. In defense of My Beloved, if God didn’t want us to wear fur he wouldn’t have made animals so warm and defenseless. Anyway, the protest involved throwing a white powder on Lindsay as she entered the club. Her reaction?
“Cool! They cover you with blow as you walk in! This club rocks!”
Sigh. One day she’ll realize that I am the only man for her. I’ve got to be moving up the depth chart.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
More competition than I need...
Wednesday Night Music Club: As a White Sox fan I really feel like posting Moby’s “South Side” right now. However, I cannot in good conscience post any video featuring Gwen Stefani to my blog. As a result I am going to stay with Moby and go for his cover of “That’s When I Reach for my Revolver”. This is from the late 90’s when Moby realized that Techno was dead and over so he made a punk rock album. Six months later U2 released Pop thinking that Techno was huge. Silly, silly Bono.
And no I didn’t go to the ballgame tonight. Though watching the Royals lose on a balk would have been a level of enjoyment that I wouldn’t believe possible without chemical enhancements. I’m not sure if anyone else enjoyed my last post but I’ve been wanting to do that for years. I certainly didn’t expect it to be that long but it was a 13 inning game. And surprisingly, no one ever asked me what the hell I was doing writing in a notebook for an entire game. You would think that a guy sitting in a row all by himself who is continuously writing in a notebook would at least raise a slight bit of interest.
So I should respond to the latest stories regarding My Beloved Lindsay. If the UK’s Sun is to be believed (and if you can’t trust a newspaper that features topless women on page 3 I don’t know who you can trust) then Lindsay is officially a couple with DJ Sam. Sam short for Samantha. Now obviously this is a bit disconcerting for me.
Not for the reasons that would be disconcerting for more residents of Kansas City than I am comfortable with. I have absolutely no qualms with how any two people choose to be happy. As long as you have two consenting adults I really don’t care how the pairing is put together. Happiness is tough enough to find as it is, if it is within the same gender then so be it. However, this puts a huge crimp in my plan to date My Beloved Lindsay.
See, my logic so far has been foolproof. I would continually profess my smitteness with My Beloved Lindsay while she a) spirals out of control and b) slowly dates every guy in existence. As a result the number of guys who are a) willing to date her and b) haven’t already dated her would become smaller and smaller. At some point, I would be the best option within that pool. I was probably only six weeks away from that moment where I would be her best option. But now if I have to compete with the wiser half of the population I’m pretty much screwed. Well, not literally of course but you get the point.
I think I’ll leave it at that for the night. I think I wrote enough last night to last me through the rest of the week. And I didn’t even reference my desire to beat up the Royals first base coach just to uphold my South Side pride. I’m sorry but that is just how we roll where I’m from. Coach first base, get your ass beat. It’s the rule.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Fame (or lack of it)
Ok, I’ve only watched a little bit of Tin Man on the Sci Fi Channel, which is this kind of weird reinterpretation of The Wizard of Oz turning it into steampunk or something like that. But I have to say that whenever I make up my new Perfect Mate list I really should include Zooey Deschannel on the list. Wow, there is something about her that just grabs my attention. She just exudes cool and how can you not like someone named Zooey?
(The series looks really cool so I’ll try to catch it on replays. I probably should have Tivoed it from the start. Given that the writers’ strike isn’t going to end any time soon I should stock up on good television while I can. It’s going to be all reality television all the time very soon.)
I should mention the best news from the weekend, which is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with her boyfriend. This would be that snowboard dude who called off his engagement to date Lindsay, which his fiancée found out about by reading the tabloids. Typically I can say that I’ve been through worse breakups but I think that one trumps mine (though I still claim that one girl broke up with me because I spent a week volunteering in New Orleans.) The buzz online is that this guy was being a jerk and couldn’t handle the paparazzi so that ended it pretty quickly. As a result I move up one more slot on the “Lindsay Lohan’s potential boyfriends” depth chart. I think I’m now officially on the practice squad. Just a few more months and I’ll be in the starting lineup.
Staying on the celebrity gossip front (because nothing else interesting happened today other than my parking garage reopened) I forgot to wish Brit a happy birthday this weekend. She was off celebrating with Paris who, if the picture in The Superficial is correct, seems to have injected her lips with about twenty pounds of bacon fat. I’m sorry but I’ve never gotten that insanely big lips look. It looks like you’re suffering from an intense allergic reaction and desperately need medical treatment. Anyway, you’ve got to hand it to Brit. Everyone thinks your life is a mess, you have no career to speak of, people are actively rooting for Kevin Federline to gain custody of your children and yet you still party on with Paris Hilton. If she was that dedicated to her craft she’d…what was her craft anyway? Is media whore an actual profession nowadays?
(By the way, if you check out The Superficial you can also find a picture of Tara Reid that looks like, well, let me explain. Ever hang out in a dive bar and notice that one older woman who always seems to be at the end of the bar chainsmoking cigarettes? The one who decided to hit a tanning bed twenty years ago and never stopped? The one you dread talking to because she tends to burn you with her cigarettes and still expects you to buy her a drink? Yeah, that’s Tara Reid. I should cut her break as she just got off a flight to Australia but wow, that’s a bad picture.
Oh, and props to Jennifer Love Hewitt for attacking people for attacking her for looking less than perfect in a picture. I know that might seem hypocritical of me but Jennifer does have a career that goes beyond her looks. People like Tara and Paris are now known for nothing other than being famous and no one can remember why they are famous in the first place.)
Last note: Keane’s “Is It Any Wonder?” is making a strong push to make the CD. More like I listened to the song a dozen times today and can’t believe that there aren’t any guitars in it. A very cool band who might make the Wednesday Night Music Club at a minimum.
(The series looks really cool so I’ll try to catch it on replays. I probably should have Tivoed it from the start. Given that the writers’ strike isn’t going to end any time soon I should stock up on good television while I can. It’s going to be all reality television all the time very soon.)
I should mention the best news from the weekend, which is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with her boyfriend. This would be that snowboard dude who called off his engagement to date Lindsay, which his fiancée found out about by reading the tabloids. Typically I can say that I’ve been through worse breakups but I think that one trumps mine (though I still claim that one girl broke up with me because I spent a week volunteering in New Orleans.) The buzz online is that this guy was being a jerk and couldn’t handle the paparazzi so that ended it pretty quickly. As a result I move up one more slot on the “Lindsay Lohan’s potential boyfriends” depth chart. I think I’m now officially on the practice squad. Just a few more months and I’ll be in the starting lineup.
Staying on the celebrity gossip front (because nothing else interesting happened today other than my parking garage reopened) I forgot to wish Brit a happy birthday this weekend. She was off celebrating with Paris who, if the picture in The Superficial is correct, seems to have injected her lips with about twenty pounds of bacon fat. I’m sorry but I’ve never gotten that insanely big lips look. It looks like you’re suffering from an intense allergic reaction and desperately need medical treatment. Anyway, you’ve got to hand it to Brit. Everyone thinks your life is a mess, you have no career to speak of, people are actively rooting for Kevin Federline to gain custody of your children and yet you still party on with Paris Hilton. If she was that dedicated to her craft she’d…what was her craft anyway? Is media whore an actual profession nowadays?
(By the way, if you check out The Superficial you can also find a picture of Tara Reid that looks like, well, let me explain. Ever hang out in a dive bar and notice that one older woman who always seems to be at the end of the bar chainsmoking cigarettes? The one who decided to hit a tanning bed twenty years ago and never stopped? The one you dread talking to because she tends to burn you with her cigarettes and still expects you to buy her a drink? Yeah, that’s Tara Reid. I should cut her break as she just got off a flight to Australia but wow, that’s a bad picture.
Oh, and props to Jennifer Love Hewitt for attacking people for attacking her for looking less than perfect in a picture. I know that might seem hypocritical of me but Jennifer does have a career that goes beyond her looks. People like Tara and Paris are now known for nothing other than being famous and no one can remember why they are famous in the first place.)
Last note: Keane’s “Is It Any Wonder?” is making a strong push to make the CD. More like I listened to the song a dozen times today and can’t believe that there aren’t any guitars in it. A very cool band who might make the Wednesday Night Music Club at a minimum.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Life is now officially a sitcom...
Wednesday Night Music Club: This is probably the best known act that I have ever featured on a Wednesday. I mean, Aimee Mann performed on the Oscars and that is watched by a billion people. Of course that last stat is entirely untrue as the Oscars aren’t even the most popular show in the States and never rank amongst the top shows of all time. I think the only one that does is when John Wayne received an honorary Oscar. And think about it, would anything (other than the World Cup final) actually gain the attention of 1/6th of the world’s population. Given that we can discount most of China and India from watching the Oscars we now need a quarter of the rest of the world to watch and that just isn’t going to happen. But I digress…
The interesting thing is that I really was never that big of an Aimee Mann fan until I saw her in concert. I’m not entirely sure why I went to see her, other than I knew that she was playing in Lawrence and I had more than enough free time on my hands. But am I glad that I went. She is just an incredible performer and songwriter and just seems to be one of the coolest people that you could ever see. I think I’ve ended up picking up every disc that she has released and I listen to them constantly. Here’s Pavlov’s Bell, a rather neat song.
This news story was all around the net today and it bothered me for some reason. This week marks the twentieth anniversary of Baby Jessica falling down the well. Ok, I understand that part and I remember it being a big story because child in danger with a happy ending will always make headlines. I can even see a twenty years later story as we find Baby Jessica now a 21 year old mom in a West Texas town. No problem there, either. It’s the million dollar trust fund that she will receive at 25 that bothers me.
According to the stories, there were over a million dollars in donations given to Baby Jessica 20 years ago so they set up a trust fund for her that she can’t access until she turns 25. Does this strike anyone else as odd? I mean, I fully understand people donating money to help defray costs for the medical bills and the rescue efforts. I can even see sending gifts or sympathy or encouragement for going through a tough ordeal. But becoming a millionaire for falling down a well as a baby and surviving the event effectively unscathed? Doesn’t that just seem wrong for some reason? Or am I really just that cynical of a bastard that I can’t see that this is just a karmic payment for pain and suffering?
Switching gears, I’ll just provide the highlights in celebrity gossip for the week. My beloved Lindsay is out of rehab and there are already rumors floating around of her hanging out at bars and drinking. That’s my girl! Also, she has hooked up with a new boyfriend who is sadly not me though I have to be sixth on the depth chart by now. The cool story is that this guy was engaged and he broke up with his fiancé by simply never telling her about it. He just stopped returning her calls and she started seeing the paparazzi shots in the paper. That might be the cruelest thing that I have ever heard. And remember, my beloved would still rather date him over me. But, it’s only a matter of time.
Oh, and Paris Hilton going to Rwanda is part of a reality show. Because when I think of wacky reality show hijinks I think of Rwanda. Sigh. And people wonder why when I go to Europe I claim to be from Saskatchewan.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Now excuse me, I have to go watch Mean Girls
I love the fact that people write that they “tolerate my obsessions”. I assume that they could care less about my compulsions. And it’s not that I am obsessed with my beloved Lindsay, this is simply a level of devotion quite similar to what Dante had for Beatrice. It’s all meant to inspire a work of great literature as opposed to, say, a restraining order. And anyway, given that I’m the Comptroller for the Lindsay Lohan Liberation Front it’s kind of my job. Trust me, it’s not the easiest group to keep the books clean. I’m still trying to figure out how to properly depreciate three crates of peppermint schnapps.
Of course, the reason for the comment that started the previous rant was my statements on Garth Brooks fans. Remember that I am nothing if not a music snob. I started to dislike Dave Matthews when he became popular and wouldn’t go see Coldplay just because I didn’t want to be surrounded by 20,000 people who knew nothing about music. I’m not sure why I correlate popularity with suckiness but I do. Now, as to Garth I did find out a few things that does put the story a bit more into his favor. First, the only shows that he is doing in 2007 are in KC. That explains the nine night stand but raises the question “Why not tour and why KC?” Apparently being centrally located comes in handy occasionally. Also, they aren’t using the stadium for anything else so might as well fill it with Garth.
And yeah, I can see the point that he puts on a nice show and the tickets are reasonable. It’s just music that I don’t get. I still have a hard time admitting that I listen to country music. It’s why I always use the alt-country label even though that is completely meaningless. I’ve seen Alison Krauss and Lyle Lovett this year and that is country music but I call it something else. I just have an issue with people wearing cowboy hats without irony I guess. It will be a good show but it’s just not my style.
Actually, my biggest issue is that I hang out at a bar a few blocks from the arena and I dread what the parking situation is going to be like. I’ll get a sense of it this weekend when they have the first show (Elton John) going up against a Wilco show down the street. It’s definitely going to be a clash as I’ll be amongst the Gen X hipsters at Wilco while the…while the…who the hell goes to see Elton John anyway? That’s just a show you attend to say that you saw him in concert right? I saw Fats Domino for that reason but at least I knew that was going to be a good performance. Again, I fear the mainstream. If you can sell out a basketball arena you are probably not for me.
Changing Gears Part 1: While watching the weather this weekend I noticed that there is a city named Tightwad, Missouri. First off, I am so going to retire to Tightwad. Second, any guesses as to what their high school mascot is?
Changing Gears Part 2: Sadly I didn’t win the Nobel Prize for Physics this year. Apparently my power plant consisting entirely of drinking birds is too avant garde for the establishment. Dr. Holonyak got screwed over again and he does deserve it one of these years. For those who wonder why I’m still so proud of my electrical engineering background (and the University of Illinois in particular) here is what was done by people in my program historically. John Bardeen (who passed away just before I entered Illinois) won two Nobel Prizes in Physics, one for inventing the transistor and the other for inventing the superconductor. Jack Kilby (who was still a professor emeritus when I was there but I never met) won a Nobel Prize for inventing the integrated circuit, Holonyak invented the LED. While I was there they built Mosaic, the first web browser, in the same building I was taking classes in. So pretty much the greatest inventions of the second half of the twentieth century were made by Illini.
Oh, and we also built HAL. Watch the movie, he’s born in Urbana. That’s how awesome the Illini engineering program is. We were building killer computers 40 years ago.
Of course, the reason for the comment that started the previous rant was my statements on Garth Brooks fans. Remember that I am nothing if not a music snob. I started to dislike Dave Matthews when he became popular and wouldn’t go see Coldplay just because I didn’t want to be surrounded by 20,000 people who knew nothing about music. I’m not sure why I correlate popularity with suckiness but I do. Now, as to Garth I did find out a few things that does put the story a bit more into his favor. First, the only shows that he is doing in 2007 are in KC. That explains the nine night stand but raises the question “Why not tour and why KC?” Apparently being centrally located comes in handy occasionally. Also, they aren’t using the stadium for anything else so might as well fill it with Garth.
And yeah, I can see the point that he puts on a nice show and the tickets are reasonable. It’s just music that I don’t get. I still have a hard time admitting that I listen to country music. It’s why I always use the alt-country label even though that is completely meaningless. I’ve seen Alison Krauss and Lyle Lovett this year and that is country music but I call it something else. I just have an issue with people wearing cowboy hats without irony I guess. It will be a good show but it’s just not my style.
Actually, my biggest issue is that I hang out at a bar a few blocks from the arena and I dread what the parking situation is going to be like. I’ll get a sense of it this weekend when they have the first show (Elton John) going up against a Wilco show down the street. It’s definitely going to be a clash as I’ll be amongst the Gen X hipsters at Wilco while the…while the…who the hell goes to see Elton John anyway? That’s just a show you attend to say that you saw him in concert right? I saw Fats Domino for that reason but at least I knew that was going to be a good performance. Again, I fear the mainstream. If you can sell out a basketball arena you are probably not for me.
Changing Gears Part 1: While watching the weather this weekend I noticed that there is a city named Tightwad, Missouri. First off, I am so going to retire to Tightwad. Second, any guesses as to what their high school mascot is?
Changing Gears Part 2: Sadly I didn’t win the Nobel Prize for Physics this year. Apparently my power plant consisting entirely of drinking birds is too avant garde for the establishment. Dr. Holonyak got screwed over again and he does deserve it one of these years. For those who wonder why I’m still so proud of my electrical engineering background (and the University of Illinois in particular) here is what was done by people in my program historically. John Bardeen (who passed away just before I entered Illinois) won two Nobel Prizes in Physics, one for inventing the transistor and the other for inventing the superconductor. Jack Kilby (who was still a professor emeritus when I was there but I never met) won a Nobel Prize for inventing the integrated circuit, Holonyak invented the LED. While I was there they built Mosaic, the first web browser, in the same building I was taking classes in. So pretty much the greatest inventions of the second half of the twentieth century were made by Illini.
Oh, and we also built HAL. Watch the movie, he’s born in Urbana. That’s how awesome the Illini engineering program is. We were building killer computers 40 years ago.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Free at last
A few people reading this know where I work. Others could probably figure it out without much difficulty. Most would question whether what I do should technically qualify as work but that is either here nor there at the present moment. I just want everyone to know that I am indeed applying for the CEO job. As well as the COO job. Hell, might as well go for the CFO spot as well, I’m actually qualified for that one. I’ve never before quite found myself in a company devoid of senior leadership. At least not officially devoid, I don’t know if I’ve ever worked for a company that I would trust my executives as coaches of a little league team.
Moving on to much more important news, my beloved has been released from rehab! Yes, my darling Lindsay Lohan has been freed from Le Cirque where she spent most of her time learning to…learning to…I don’t know, swing from a trapeze while symbolizing man’s inhumanity to man or something like that. I only went to Cirque du Soliel once and the tickets were free. Thankfully, my friends in the Lindsay underground (we may not be many in number but we are strong in spirit) have whisked her away from Utah and into a state where the Absolut flows freely and plentifully. Hey, how else are you going to celebrate getting out of rehab? By reading a book? By reflecting on how you threw your career down the toilet by hanging out with Paris and Britney?
It will be interesting to see how Lindsay’s next act progresses. For the moment, let’s assume that she has cleaned up her act. That’s a huge assumption but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Now, while she still has some court cases pending she’ll at worst get a few days in jail and a long probation. The rehab stint will help her case at least. She wouldn’t be able to get any insurance company to back her on a major film so the big studios are out. But let’s say she waits six months and then goes to New York to shoot a few indie films. No money but you know there are a few directors who would kill to put her in a film. One of those turns into a hit at Sundance and she is back in business. Hell, if Robert Downey Jr. can get his career turned around Lindsay sure can.
It’s interesting in that despite everything that she did, Lindsay in no way screwed up her career as much as Brittney. Partly that is because Brit had so much of her career built up on this clean cut image and when that was removed she lost a lot of her appeal. There’s also the whole fact that she is a mother of two acting horribly and that makes it much tougher to forgive her actions. A 20 year old Lindsay is reckless but hasn’t hurt anyone directly. Brit has some innocent bystanders. In the end though, Lindsay does have some acting talent while Brit never really had any talent in the first place. And to comeback you need to have something to comeback with.
How I Met Your Mother was much better tonight. Anything that brings back Winnie Cooper is a good thing. The fact that Winnie Cooper is now this math genius just makes her more attractive in my eyes. Yes, I find the ability to write calculus formulas immensely attractive. That explains a lot when you think about it. On that subject, I really dug The Big bang Theory tonight. Again, this show seems to be written specifically for me and thus I have no idea how it lasted three episodes. World of Warcraft jokes, dating by proposing your hypothesis and “given alcohol and poor judgment you might have a chance” just made for a great show. I’m just amazed that a show whose humor often requires a high end knowledge of theoretical physics actually got on the air.
Moving on to much more important news, my beloved has been released from rehab! Yes, my darling Lindsay Lohan has been freed from Le Cirque where she spent most of her time learning to…learning to…I don’t know, swing from a trapeze while symbolizing man’s inhumanity to man or something like that. I only went to Cirque du Soliel once and the tickets were free. Thankfully, my friends in the Lindsay underground (we may not be many in number but we are strong in spirit) have whisked her away from Utah and into a state where the Absolut flows freely and plentifully. Hey, how else are you going to celebrate getting out of rehab? By reading a book? By reflecting on how you threw your career down the toilet by hanging out with Paris and Britney?
It will be interesting to see how Lindsay’s next act progresses. For the moment, let’s assume that she has cleaned up her act. That’s a huge assumption but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Now, while she still has some court cases pending she’ll at worst get a few days in jail and a long probation. The rehab stint will help her case at least. She wouldn’t be able to get any insurance company to back her on a major film so the big studios are out. But let’s say she waits six months and then goes to New York to shoot a few indie films. No money but you know there are a few directors who would kill to put her in a film. One of those turns into a hit at Sundance and she is back in business. Hell, if Robert Downey Jr. can get his career turned around Lindsay sure can.
It’s interesting in that despite everything that she did, Lindsay in no way screwed up her career as much as Brittney. Partly that is because Brit had so much of her career built up on this clean cut image and when that was removed she lost a lot of her appeal. There’s also the whole fact that she is a mother of two acting horribly and that makes it much tougher to forgive her actions. A 20 year old Lindsay is reckless but hasn’t hurt anyone directly. Brit has some innocent bystanders. In the end though, Lindsay does have some acting talent while Brit never really had any talent in the first place. And to comeback you need to have something to comeback with.
How I Met Your Mother was much better tonight. Anything that brings back Winnie Cooper is a good thing. The fact that Winnie Cooper is now this math genius just makes her more attractive in my eyes. Yes, I find the ability to write calculus formulas immensely attractive. That explains a lot when you think about it. On that subject, I really dug The Big bang Theory tonight. Again, this show seems to be written specifically for me and thus I have no idea how it lasted three episodes. World of Warcraft jokes, dating by proposing your hypothesis and “given alcohol and poor judgment you might have a chance” just made for a great show. I’m just amazed that a show whose humor often requires a high end knowledge of theoretical physics actually got on the air.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Here we go again...
Sigh.If I told her once I told her a thousand times. Move to Kansas City. I’ve got a spare bedroom in my place where she could crash. There isn’t a single paparazzi within 500 miles of this town and I don’t even think that the Kansas City Star has reporters. You can walk to the bars here, no need to drive. We could just hang out, play trivia and just relax for a little bit. But did she take my advice? No, of course not.
Instead my beloved Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving less than a week after surrendering herself to the police on a separate drunk driving charge. Actually, it was less of her being pulled over for drunk driving and more her chasing down the mother of her former assistant causing the woman to fear for her life and call the cops. While it might not be true, the best rumor I heard is that the mom pulled into a police station, Lindsay followed her and the cops just arrested her in the parking lot. That would be awesome. Oh, and she did all this while having coke on her, just in case the blowing a .12 after leaving rehab a week earlier wasn’t good enough.
In the news world, this is what is called a story. It trumps the NBA ref betting on games and Michael Vick slamming a dog to the ground until it died due to it not showing fighting spirit. It’s been a strange week, made even stranger by the fact that the Weekly World News will cease publication next month. Apparently they took one look at reality and went, “Why even bother?”
I’m kind of thinking that this is going to be the end of the drama surrounding our (ok my) beloved Lindsay. This isn’t one of those things that you plead out of, you’re going to have to either serve time or as Steve Earle once put it, “go to state sponsored rehab.” After that if she has any brains about her or one intelligent person whispering in her ear she would disappear for a while. Get out of LA, find someplace in Montana where she could just sit around, watch tv, and let time pass. In a year you make a triumphant comeback where you discuss how you battled your demons and are now ready to get back to work, first with a couple of low budget indie films and then maybe something bigger. If that fails, there is always the Playboy shoot, tastefully done of course. But the only, and I mean only, way to get back on track is to have no one hear from you for about a year. Heck, I think it took Rob Lowe five years to get back to where he could show his face on television again. That’s the time frame that we are talking about here.
It has been the year of the downfall of the celebutante. While no one cried for Paris Hilton, someone who is famous for having been born to people who were rich if not famous, and Brittney Spears downfall was more comical than tragic (and oh man, read defamer.com for the latest meltdown story about her) I’m still bummed about Lindsay. Because compared to the other two she actually had talent and a unique look. She was a redhead with real curves who could also act. Maybe not in the Natalie Portman sense but at least in the Kirsten Dunst sense. There were possibilities there. Or maybe that is just me. Given that I probably now rank in the top ten of guys willing to date Lindsay Lohan I am probably not the most impartial of judges.
But you know who I blame most of all for this? Herbie the Love Bug. If he would have just driven himself none of this would ever have been an issue.
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