The nation without a team

Lindsay Lohan Alert: This is a message from the Lindsay Lohan Emergency Broadcasting System. At an MTV Movie Awards party over the weekend Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet (which monitors if she has ingested any alcohol) went off and apparently not only does it send a message to the probation officer it also goes off with flashing lights just to make sure everyone notices. Thus she has once again violated her probation and must face a judge. As a result we are activating Lindsay Def Con Status 3. Safehouses have been prepped around the country to insure that our Beloved will not fall into the clutches of the police. For the sake of our nation, our Lindsay must remain free.

(That said, who the hell invited her to an MTV Movie Awards party? And who in their right mind when on probation for cocaine possession and a DUI would attend such a party while wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet? Hell, the thing would probably go off just by being in the room. And shouldn’t you have to actually be, you know, in movies to attend a movie awards show?)

On another front, I kind of touched on this in my World Cup preview but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how some countries are good at sports while others are just horrible. Now if you consider the fact that soccer is about as close to a universal sport as we have then the best nations at soccer should either be a) highly developed so that they can fund the best programs or b) the largest so that they have the best talent pool to choose from. However, while places like Chile and North Korea make the field China and India do not. In fact, they are nowhere near fielding a team that could make the cup. With a billion people each in their respective countries you’d think they could find a couple of dozen people who could kick a ball.

Even more amazing is the fact that India is just abysmal at sports. India won three medals in the 2008 Summer Olympics. For a point of reference, the Glorious Republic of Kazakhstan won 13. Mongolia won 4. Trinidad and Tobago won 2 which isn’t bad for a nation of 1.3 million. If India won at the same rate as Trinidad and Tobago they would have netted roughly 2,000 medals. This brings up the fascinating question of “Why can’t people from India play sports?”

You have a billion people in the nation. You’d think that a couple of them would at least be fast, or could lift weights or throw a javelin. Sheer numbers alone would seem to make that a likelihood. Yet for the life of me I cannot think of a single sports star from their country. Ok, I know that they have a top cricket team and they use their history as a former British colony for their love of that sport. But then why aren’t they successful in soccer or rugby? It is amazing to think that a nation that is going to be at the forefront of the 21st century has absolutely no interest or capacity at the modern sports culture.

If anyone has any thoughts on this I would like to hear them. When you are online with tech support feel free to ask them about what their favorite sport is. Let us solve this mystery of the ages.