Continuing the bowl preview with the weekday games…
Monday, December 18th
Famous Toastery Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Old Dominion
(Jerry Richardson Stadium (Charlotte, North Carolina), 2:30 PM, ESPN): Wait
a minute, this game was this afternoon? Who the hell schedules a bowl game for
a Monday afternoon a week before Christmas? I understand the not wanting to
compete with Monday Night Football, especially with it being the same network,
but who would be watching except people who are burning up their unused
vacation time at the end of the year? So, people like me I guess.
(It’s interesting to note that there are certain people who
will complain how entire European countries will take the entire month of
August off as a point of weakness. They however do not comment on how nothing gets
done in American businesses the last two weeks of the year as everyone has to
use their vacation that they didn’t take yet still are probably still somewhat
working these days. Work is weird.)
Anyway, Famous Toastery needs to be more specific. Is it
something like French Toast, which is clearly famous, or meant to be a brand? Does
a PopTart count as a toastery if a toaster is not used in the process? We are
getting dangerously close to is a hot dog a sandwich levels here. Western
Kentucky has Grimace’s sunburned cousin as a mascot while Old Dominion put on a
surprisingly good concert when Kim and I saw them earlier this year.
Tuesday, December 19th
Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl:
UTSA vs. Marshall (Toyota Stadium (Frisco, Texas), 9 PM, ESPN): I refuse to
believe that there is such a place as Frisco, Texas. Prior to the Frisco Bowl I
had never heard of Frisco, Texas. If Wikipedia is to be trusted, and if it isn’t
then most high school students will be receiving failing grades on their
research papers, Frisco is a Dallas suburb and the stadium is the Major League
Soccer home of FC Dallas. So, it is a bowl game played in a soccer stadium that
seats less than the University of North Texas stadium in nearby Denton. Just
strange all around.
UT-San Antonio is best known as
being the only school other than my high school to have the nickname Road
Runners. Marshall is of course the Thundering Herd so this is easily the most
unique mascot contest of the entire bowl season. Scooter’s Coffee is the coffee
personally developed by Dr. Bunson Honeydew and his loyal colleague Beaker. Scooter
is simply a better salesperson and hence gets the branding rights.
To be honest, a viewing of A
Muppet Christmas Carol would be a good pre-game option.
Thursday, December 21st
RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl: South Florida vs. Syracuse
(FAU Stadium (Boca Raton, Florida), 8 PM, ESPN): This is a sponsorship that
I can get behind. Some people look at climate change and focus on trying to
stop it. Others look at climate change and deny that is even happening. The
third group looks at climate change and says “how can I make money off of this?”
Obviously the best solution to more and stronger hurricanes hitting Florida is
to set up a website that will better process your homeowners claim. How that interacts
with the three dozen people that will just randomly show up at your house after
a hurricane promising to process a claim on your roof after showing you a
brochure printed that morning I cannot explain.
Of course, this is the game that was famously referred to in
The Great Gatsby with Daisy’s unforgettable line: “Don’t you always wait for
Syracuse to play in the RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl on the shortest day of
the year and miss it? I always wait for Syracuse to play in the RoofClaim.com
Boca Raton Bowl on the shortest day of the year and miss it.”
Friday, December 22nd
Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. UCF
(Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, Florida), 6:30 PM, ESPN): We are finally
getting to the point where there are real schools playing in these games. Not
that I can tell you the records of either team; just that you recognize that
Georgia Tech and Central Florida do regularly play football at a level where
they make bowl games. But we at least have actual teams playing in a real
football stadium at a time when you can watch part of the game before heading
out to a bar in an attempt to drown your sorrows before having to confront the holidays
head on.
Tampa has this whole pirate / Gasparilla thing that is
supposedly a massive event but in my years in Southwest Florida not only did we
never go, we never heard of anyone going nor did we even have people talk about
going. It wasn’t even like it was some mythical event. It was that thing they
do in Tampa for some reason. Essentially in Fort Myers if you couldn’t get
there via golf cart there was no reason to go. That included a few golf holes
if the cart path was too far from the fairway.
Not much else to say about these games. Next up, the seven
Saturday games. Seven. That makes it eighteen bowl games before Christmas when
the players should at least theoretically be preparing for final exams. Theoretically,
of course.
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