Hollywood has now officially run out of ideas

Your weekly pop culture wrap up….

1) It’s official everyone. Ricky Martin is gay. I know this comes as stunning news to us all. We were all certain that he just hadn’t found the right woman even with his mother suggesting that nice girl from the coffee shop. I mean, he could have at least taken her out for coffee, though I guess taking a girl who works at a coffee shop out for coffee is kind of redundant. Anyway, yes the former member of Menudo has finally come out of the closet a good decade after anyone cared about him or had any doubts about his sexuality. This may be the least shocking piece of celebrity gossip ever.

2) In slightly less surprising celebrity gossip, My Beloved Lindsay was spotted leaving a house late at night with, us, large puffs of a white powdery substance emanating from her shoes. She claims that it is talcum powder, which for a normal person would actually make sense. Sadly the thought that it might be another white powdery substance is much more likely though how in the world it would end up in her shoes is beyond me. Still this is clearly the easiest joke ever given to late night comics.

3) It also has hit the wires that the news organizations are already writing Lindsay’s obituary so that they will have it ready to go in case something happens to her. This isn’t that unusual; they had one set for Michael Jackson as well. Typically you set it up in advance for major public figures or for people you expect to pass away soon. Given that no one can recall the last thing Lindsay did we should take this as a sign that she needs serious help. It’s fascinating, macabre and more than a little depressing that someone can destroy themselves on a public stage and no one does anything to stop it. So Lindsay, if you read this post from your last remaining fan, go to rehab. Dr. Drew will do his best to help you out.

4) In the “For crying out loud, I should just move to Hollywood to pitch movie ideas” the eTrade babies are going to be made into a full length movie by Fox. Yes, the same people who brought you the Geico Caveman series, the Baby Bob show and the Alf 1-800-Collect ads are going to struggle to make a 90 minute movie out of talking babies who are focused on their portfolio and their golf games. I think even reading this made me feel a little dead inside.

5) I didn’t realize this until I read some comments on the eTrade baby online. Ever realize that the baby is a bit of a prick? He is constantly talking about his portfolio, completely rips on his golfing partner, goes to bachelor parties in Vegas while trash talking one of his friends and cheats on his girlfriend with that milkaholic Lindsay. Even as a baby he is the type of guy you want to hate. If you are going to make a movie about a talking baby at least make him likeable.