Thursday, April 28, 2005

More fanboy rantings...

Another one of those nights where things just seem to be completely out of sorts. This is what happens when they postpone Survivor just because the president is speaking. From a ratings perspective that has to be a horrible decision. Don’t have any comments on the press conference itself because after watching it for five minutes I was looking up the number for the Australian embassy to continue with my efforts to be granted political asylum. You know it’s bad when you are watching a presidential news conference and wishing for the good old days of Warren G. Harding.

Anyway, on to a much more important subject. Ok, so Ewan McGregor shouldn’t be playing Obi-Wan right now. If it was Liam Neeson then the timeline would be a lot more sensible (or they show Ewan going into trainspotting mode, which would probably cause the appropriate early aging). But I still need someone to explain for me how in twenty odd years Yoda goes from kick ass fighting machine to a decrepit muppet. And why does my Star Wars DVD have Greedo shooting first? I’m damn sure that wasn’t how it was the first hundred times I watched the film.

Oh, and in the big pop culture news of the day, Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes. Gotta be happy for Tom, as he is at least dating someone his own height. Ten bucks says he gets into a parking lot throwdown with Dawson over her. For the record, Tom Cruise has been married to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman and dated Penelope Cruz. And with a resume like that one has to start thinking that maybe there is something to Scientology after all.

Ok, I’m really short on ideas and since I just glanced at my reading list for the year I’ve decided to share something from Richard Roeper’s “Hollywood Urban Legends.” Use the following tidbit to impress your friends.

Everyone thinks that Gilligan’s Island is a stupid old sitcom. I mean, why did they bring so many changes of clothes for a three hour tour? Why couldn’t the professor make a damn boat (I mean, other than he saw that being on an island with Ginger and Mary Ann was a pretty sweet deal)? How far out to sea do you end up on a three hour tour? But in reality, Gilligan’s Island is an allegory on the human condition.

See, each character represents one of the seven deadly sins. Ginger is lust. Mr. Howell is greed. Mrs. Howell is sloth. The professor is pride. Mary Ann is envy (because all she wants is to be Ginger). And the Skipper is gluttony and anger. So what does that leave Gilligan as? He’s the devil. And the island is hell. It’s why they can never leave and why Gilligan always seems to find a way to keep them on the island.

After a couple of beers you can find the symbolism in anything if you think about it for long enough. Have a good weekend everybody.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Question time...

Questions no one is asking but should…

If God is love and love is blind and Ray Charles is blind does that mean that Ray Charles is God?

How could the Millennium Falcon make the Kessel Run in eight parsecs when a parsec is a unit of distance?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it is all about?

Is the best way to find who should lead your company in the future by running a game show?

Ok, so in Star Wars Luke is like, 19. And Obi-Wan has aged immensely, like forty years older than Ewan McGregor’s current age. And Chewbacca is going to be in Episode 3. Are there now like seven different timelines going on in the Star Wars universe? And don’t even get me started on Boba Fett…

Is there anything cooler than hearing “New episode of Family Guy on Sunday”?

When a band like Poison goes out on tour, do they think that they are impressing anybody? Or are they just happy to have the gig?

(This question was actually posed to me in college): “Whose career path would you rather have: Guns N’ Roses or Michael Jackson?”

Dude, what’s up with that fifth dentist?

(To paraphrase the Handsome Family): If your life lasted only one day, at what point would you be drunk?

Whatever happened to Melissa Joan Hart? Did she fall into the same black hole as Rachel Leigh Cook and Jennifer Love Hewitt? Had we just met our quota on three name actresses?

How can we fight a war for oil and I still end up paying twenty five bucks to fill up my car?

How do we know that the earth isn’t shaped like a Frisbee?

Will asking questions ever get boring?

(Not very likely. Real post tomorrow)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Nothing on my mind

Ok, admittedly yesterday’s post was not one of my better efforts. At some point, trying to be creative five days a week is going to start wearing down on me. Sadly, I don’t know if today’s is going to be any better. Some comments on the world.

1) The Simpsons are celebrating their 350th episode this week. Want to feel old? The kid who just got his driver’s license today wasn’t even born when the first episode was televised. And wasn’t even thought of while the Tracey Ullman show was on the air. Excuse me, I’m going to have to go out and have my midlife crisis now.

2) Sign that you might not be living in that bustling urban center: woke up this morning to news of a cattle truck overturning on the expressway. I don’t even know where to start with that one.

3) I did watch the NFL Draft in high definition over the weekend. Because you have not lived until you have seen Mel Kiper analyze the selection of an offensive tackle from Arizona until you have seen it in crystal clear quality picture with surround sound. There is always that weird vibe with the NFL draft. At times it is cool and exciting, at other times you just realize that you have spent fifteen minutes of your life listening to people discuss the merits of a left tackle who you have never heard of.

4) This is a weird time to be a sports fan in Kansas City. Football season is a long way away. Basketball season is over. I believe the Royals have decided to forfeit all their games in an effort to save money. It’s bad when your best sports option is Nascar. Sure, I’m actually in Nascar fantasy leagues but that just isn’t enough to keep your interest up.

5) Yes, I’m probably the only person on the planet who is both a) in a Nascar fantasy league and b) readily admits to owning Sarah McLachlan CDs. Sometimes I don’t even get myself. I like to think of it as being well rounded. Or confused. One of the two.

6) Nothing else to say as it is just another boring Tuesday night. I’ll increase the creativity tomorrow. Or post something from The Onion. Stay tuned.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Assassination vacation

(Sometimes my best lines come when there is no one around to appreciate them. Like this one at 6:30 in the morning while watching the news.

Announcer: “The organization ‘Spay and neuter Kansas City’”
EC: “Who I couldn’t agree with more”

Yeah, I’m just a little bitter right about now…)

Anyway, made it through another rainy Monday. I’d just like to shoot the whole day down, ya know? Not much really on my mind right now so I’ll do a book review of something that is definitely an interesting read, and you might be the only person on your block to read it, “Assassination Vacation” by Sarah Vowell.

Sarah Vowell is a) one of the voices of The Incredibles, b) a correspondent for NPR, c) in possession of a bizarre, dry wit and a master’s degree in art history, d) pretty stunning in her book jacket photo, and e) rapidly rising in my perfect mate list as a result of all of this. Plus, she wrote a book about visiting the locations surrounding the Lincoln, Garfield and McKinley assassinations. And I swear, the topic is much more interesting than you would expect.

For me, it did allow me to see the Lincoln sites through a new set of eyes. See, like every other schoolkid in the state of Illinois, I was required by law to make several trips to Springfield to see every place where Lincoln could have theoretically walked. Here’s his house, the old capitol building, the law office, where he got on the train, where he was buried the first time, where he was buried the second time, etc. And Sarah did a good job in talking about those places and make them come alive again.

But what she really does a good job of is talking about people like John Wilkes Booth and the Booth family. Some people know the story that Booth was an actor but they don’t really understand that the Booth family was the premier acting family in the nation. John’s brother Edward was the top Shakespearean actor in the country and has a statue in his honor in New York City. And Sarah does an excellent job of retelling his story and how it links to that of Robert Todd Lincoln, who is the one constant in all three stories (as he was present at all three, making him the guy you did not want to invite to your inauguration).

And the story of the Garfield assassination is unforgettable, which is amazing given that it is probably the most forgotten presidency in history. A guy becomes president who really doesn’t want to be president and gets killed by a lunatic who was asking to be made ambassador to France even though he had no credentials whatsoever. Well, actually, the doctors killed him, Guiteau just shot him. Still, it is a fun look at a forgotten corner of American history.

It’s a good read and Sarah ties it all to the present day as every once in a while you will get an eerie parallel to the world around us. Part history, part travelogue, part editorial. It’s not what you’d normally buy at a Barnes and Noble but it is worth checking out.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Unscrambling the letters...

I’m in a really interesting mood right now. I think some people would call it melancholy but that isn’t right. Reflective is probably more fitting, doesn’t have that overriding sense of depression that goes on with a melancholic disposition. I’ll explain…

See, I’ve spent the entire weekend cleaning my apartment. Depending on your point of view, this is either spring cleaning or getting my apartment to the point where it is finally fit for human habitation. At least for a moment, each room in my apartment was clean, though my bedroom, which was clean Saturday morning, now has an unmade bed and clothes on the floor. I’ll have to address that issue at some point or another.

But one of the things that I do when I clean is that I go through my files and in doing so I uncover my past. Because I am one of those people who keeps everything (hence the continually messy apartment). Other people would just do a purge every once in a while but I always feel that what I saved as something important at one point in my life is now part of my history, part of my story. The cartoons that I clipped from the paper show what struck me as funny, a picture that caught my fancy, and the quotes that I used to tack to my inspiration board all remind me of who I was in the past. And then there are the more personal artifacts of one’s life.

Like a picture of some friends from college, all of whom I lost track of years ago, and myself. It’s kind of stunning seeing myself twelve years and fifty pounds ago, I’m not sure if I recognize the person in the photograph as me. There’s that old stat about all of your cells regenerate every seven years and you become a completely different person and maybe there is some truth to it. I looked at the picture and could tell you immediately the time and place, who I was with and what they did after college, and while it really doesn’t feel like twelve years ago it does feel like it was a lifetime.

But that isn’t what really put me in a reflective mood for the night. What has had me sitting around thinking are the letters I came across, which all make me wonder what might have been. Came across one from Heather, who my not dating her in college is now officially one of my three regrets in life, talking about going to see Marcia Ball and Sonny Landredth in concert and talking about going to see Wayne Toups sometime in the future. And holding that letter and seeing mentions of bands that I would see years later, completely unaware of the coincidence until that moment, just makes you want to know where people who were in your life have ended up.

And of course I came across letters from Meg, who I’ve written about here before, which I always end up rereading whenever I organize my life and really hope that one day I will have one more conversation with her. I think that is what we all want when we uncover these moments from our past, I’m not hoping right now to right some past wrong or that a girl I liked in high school might somehow hold the solution to all of my problems. It’s that I’ve met all of these cool people throughout my life and then have lost track of them and it just seems unfair (or stupid on my part). Looking back, there were a lot of laughs left unheard and stories left unshared in my life.

There’s one other thing that struck me as I went through all of these old letters and postcards, it was that I’m probably one of the last people to have a collection of letters and that means something. A letter from someone in your past means so much more than an email or an instant message. Even if you’ve saved your email (and yes, as many of you probably fear, I do save a lot of my emails) all it is at the end of the day is a lot of digital code being projected on a screen. It might be personal and important but it is also cold and mechanical. But holding a piece of paper and seeing the crossouts and the handwriting and knowing that at one point in time someone was sitting down and writing just for you, well, that just makes you realize how incredible life can be at times. The digital revolution might be wonderful and it does allow me to sit up at night and share my thoughts with anyone willing to stop by and listen but I miss the simple letter. Because no matter how old I get, no matter where my life takes me, I know that stored somewhere will be a letter written to me in 1990 and I know that no email I come across could ever hold the same emotional impact as those few pieces of paper.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jack Ingram “Acoustic Motel”
2) U2 “Achtung Baby”
3) Rufus Wainwright “Want Two”
4) Keb’ Mo’ “Slow Down”
5) The Handsome Family “Live at Schuba’s Tavern”

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Closing out another week...

Just a couple of random thoughts to run out the week…

1) Why does American Idol get covered like a sporting event? I’m serious, the results were shown on cnn.com today. It’s just a talent show, I don’t remember Star Search getting this much publicity and it had Sinbad for crying out loud. The one interesting moment of the year so far has been when the contestants were asked to choose a song from the year that they were born and one contestant chose Pat Benetar’s “Love is a Battlefield.” Which, given that I remember watching the video when that song first came out, made me feel really old. But what amazes me is that if you had an entire year’s worth of songs to choose them would anyone in their right mind pick “Love is a Battlefield.” Pat Benetar wouldn’t choose that song.

2) It’ll be fascinating to see who is more interested in the day to day status of Nomar’s groin: Cubs fans or Mia Hamm.

3) One of my favorite bands (based solely on their name) is playing in town this week: And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. Any band with that name has got to be good. Other great band names that I’ve stumbled across in my life our Morning Forty Federation, The Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash, Kato the Houseboy, and the classic Eve’s Plum.

4) Coolest video game coming out this month is Lego Star Wars. It’s Star Wars if Star Wars was made out of Lego figures. I’m not making this up, I’m pretty sure this is at Best Buy right now. I mean, it’s like when I bought the Lego Obi-Wan figure and had it fight the Lego Darth Maul figure but now it’s on my TV. I mean, when I was a kid and bought the Lego figures, it’s not like I’m collecting the entire set or anything…

5) Still, what I would give to have an unopened Millennium Falcon. I’m still upset that I never had one of those as a kid. Had a Death Star though even though it makes no sense that a Space Station would have a trash compactor when all it would need to do is eject the waste out into space. And it definitely would need a creature living inside, which would be crushed if they used a standard trash compactor design. Not that I’ve, you know, written articles on the logic of the movie or anything….

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I want my MTV classic

Here’s one of the things that I miss about school. You know what I would be doing two years ago right now? I’d be hanging out at the Backer having a few drinks because I didn’t have class on Thursday (or Friday for that matter). Plus, I was certain that at least a dozen other people would be there because of the same reason. We didn’t even have to call anyone and say, “Hey, meet me there” people just showed up. And since everyone else had class the next day, we basically had an entire bar to ourselves. Man how I miss those days.

(Of course, we didn’t have the blog back then. See, look at all the things that I do to try to make up for lost enjoyment.)

Things are pretty light in my schedule right now. Don’t have any concerts for a couple of weeks, just nothing in town that is really catching my fancy. Sadly I did miss my opportunity to see Styx at the Ameristar casino last weekend. As a Chicagoan, it probably was my duty to see Styx and uphold the honor of the third greatest Chicago area band (behind Smashing Pumpkins and Cheap Trick and just edging out Veruca Salt). (Oh, thanks to VH1 Classic I got to see the video for Seether again the other day. Awesome one with the band just playing on a sidewalk in Wicker Park. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what do I have to do to get a cable channel that shows only late 80’s-early 90’s videos?) Anyway, I still believe that Styx is a good band, but that might be because I’ve heard the songs so many times growing up. That said, I also believe that The Monkees belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for being one of the first bands to popularize country rock in the style of the Byrds and Gram Parsons. (Buy me a few drinks and I’ll explain that one to you in great detail).

We’re in a fun sport lull as well (especially without any hockey). Baseball is just getting started with my White Sox in first place, the Cubs reeling now that they had to carry Nomar off the field this evening, and the Royals mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Basketball playoffs are starting but the first round takes a month to complete and I barely ever watch the NBA to begin with. Kentucky Derby isn’t for a few weeks, Indy is still a month away, and while the draft is a nice event, it’s still a long time until football season. Guess I’m just going to have to find something useful to do with my time.

Like watch the Little 500 on HDTV. I did that over the weekend, watch the annual bike race at Indiana. You know, the one from Breaking Away. Yes, ND has Rudy while IU has guys riding bikes around a cinder track. Fun to watch in high-def and even better listening to announcers who were intently following all of the fraternity teams to the point where you think there is money riding on the event. But hey, as long as the Cutters still put together a good squad that is good enough for me.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Forgotten 80's television shows: Volume 3

(Another in the ongoing saga of recounting the television shows of our youth…)

It’s sad that when people think about Must See TV they think about Friends. Actually, the fact that people even think about Friends in the first place is a rather sad statement on our current existence but that’s a rant for another day. No, what I want to talk about is when Thursday nights didn’t mean Friends, or Seinfeld, or even the Seinfeld Chronicles. I’m going back to NBC’s Thursday night lineup in the 80’s where for two straight hours you would watch The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers, and Night Court. Especially Night Court.

Sure, Cheers gets all the glory as the long lasting classic sitcom. And The Cosby Show had societal impact. And Family Ties gave us Michael J. Fox, Justine Bateman, Tina Yothers and that guy who played Skippy. Ok, maybe we should discount Family Ties here. But Night Court, now there was a show with style.

Because has there ever been another sitcom set in a courtroom? I’m serious, think about all of the legal dramas out there today. How many laughs do you get out of them? I mean, the closest thing that I can think of is Ally Mcbeal and that was much more of a drama with laughs than a sitcom. But here was a setting that worked, mainly because you had characters that would work in any setting.

You’ve got Judge Harry Stone, played by Harry Anderson, as the kind hearted prankster but at the end of the day a fair and intelligent judge. With a strange fascination for Mel Torme, which probably sold about a million copies of Mel’s albums when you think about it. You’ve got Richard Moll as Bull, the tall, Homer Simpson dumb, bailiff. Who could carry entire shows by himself, which is incredible given that he was written as a one note character. Seriously, could you imagine playing that role for eight years and still keeping it interesting? That’s a hell of a performance.

Of course, the real heart of the show was Dan Fielding, which could only be played by the dude who narrated The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The incredibly intelligent, lecherous lawyer, who it is pretty amazing that here he is stuck prosecuting in Night Court when you would think that with his credentials he could have gotten one of those cushy Law and Order gigs. But of course that would screw up his social life along with his chance to hook up with the defense attorney, most famously played by Markie Post.

Probably the thing that has solidified the show in my memory is the fact that unlike a lot of sitcoms, this one did seem to exist in a real time and place. The characters aged (and in some instances died). Storylines would appear and reappear. Side characters like Phil the homeless guy would make their regular appearances and become almost regular members of the cast. Heck, even Yakov Smirnoff had a once a year gig on the show. It was really a precursor to the Simpsons in that regard, a sitcom with a set cast with no real focal point and a lot of ancillary characters that you could count on showing up and stealing the show from time to time.

I’ll place this high on my list of shows I want on DVD. There’s nothing high brow about it, just a good comedy that I feel has aged well. I’d be really surprised if you could name a comedy on television right now that surpasses it. Well, except for Arrested Development and that’s going to be canceled soon. Thanks Fox.

(Next time in the 80’s memory bin: we do the much anticipated dive into Japanese animation. Voltron, Battle of the Planets, Speed Racer and G-Force. After being a kid who had to search high and low to find anime it amazes me to see entire sections of it at Best Buy.)

Monday, April 18, 2005

Covering the Van

As always, when I have a lot on my mind but no single thread to tie it all together (or when I’m too lazy to think of one), it’s time to break out the numbered lists once more. One of these days I’ll start using bullet points and the entire world will be thrown upside down.

1) To the person who commented yesterday with their MP3 playlist, there is a weird case of synchronicity going on here. Wayne Toups version of “Tupelo Honey” was my sister’s wedding song. Which makes it incredible that anyone else would randomly bring up that song and write about it. Unless of course the comment was made by my sister and/or my brother-in-law in which case all I can say is the gift is in the mail, I promise. So what if it is ten plus years late.

2) I’m still trying to understand how Lindsey Lohan is rumored to be going out with Christian Slater. How in the world did they meet? Was Heathers her favorite film when she was what, five? I will say that this does make Christian the early leader for the Comeback Playa of the Year award. Seriously, when was the last time that you heard anyone mention him. Quick, name the last film you saw him in. Yep, either Robin Hood or Very Bad Things (for those of us who spend too much time watching Comedy Central).

3) Though no one other than me will care, I did finally finish reading On The Road last week. Yes, it took me almost four months to finish a book that I was told that I could read in a weekend. Until the last one hundred pages I just could not get into the thing. It is amazing to think that fifty years ago you could just hitchhike around the country without worrying about a thing. Today you barely ever see a hitchhiker and you certainly would never pick one up and drive across rural America with one. Just a sign that the times have changed. I’m still not a big Kerouac fan but I’ll always remember his line in The Dharma Bums “You can’t fall off a mountain, you fool.” Think about it.

4) Ok, I’ve mentioned the band Superargo here before. I’ve seen them once and given that they were an opening act and I’ve probably seen a hundred bands since I moved out here the fact that I can remember huge portions of their set is pretty astounding. It was creative and out there and I’m not sure if I could call it music but it was definitely performance art (and I mean that in a good way). So, when I read the following article in the Pitch you could understand my disbelief. http://www.pitch.com/issues/2005-04-14/music/wayward.html I know that meaningless violence will always exist but this is just unbelievable. What makes it worse is that this happened about a mile from my office in what I’ve always been told is one of the richest counties in the country. One day we’ll all realize that the world would be a lot better if we were all nice to one another for a change.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

As if life couldn't get more bizarre...

Had one of those incredibly bizarre, potentially life changing moments over the weekend. Finished my workout late Saturday afternoon (yes, I’m finally trying to get healthy) and get back to my apartment tired and sweaty and turn on the TV only to see something that has made me question my very existence.

It was a commercial for Yakov Smirnoff’s variety show in Branson, Missouri. Honestly, when I turned on the television I had no idea what channel I had left it on and I really hoped that I had left it on Comedy Central and that this was some awful Mad TV sketch. Because what I saw before me was an animated Yakov (as in they took a picture of him and had him moving in front of pictures as opposed to a full of life Yakov) vaguely rapping the virtues of seeing his show in Branson. He wasn’t informing me of the show or encouraging me to make my way to see him. It was more like “It is you patriotic duty to see my unoffensive family friendly show to indicate just how wonderful a country this is compared to the place where I came from, which is now a democracy anyway so the entire heart of my act is pretty much meaningless.” It was just thirty seconds of Yakov pleading with you to see his show and to visit his website, www.yakov.com. And all I could think was, “Please let this be on Comedy Central.”

And then the news came on…

And it dawned on me, I’m living in Yakov Smirnoff’s target market. It’s tough to explain and I know that I rip on this town and this area a lot but this might just put me over the edge. I mean, I went to business school, I took (well, showed up for) a marketing class, and I know that someone spent time and money making this commercial and thinking exactly where and when would be the most effective time and place to show it. Countless hours were spent combing over demographic details to answer the question, “Just who in their right mind would be dumb enough to want to travel to Branson to see Yakov Smirnoff?”

Well, the answer is apparently the people who watch the evening news in Kansas City.

Look, I know that this isn’t going to be LA or New York. And it’s not going to be Chicago, as much as this town likes to think of itself at times like a smaller Chicago. But can I at least avoid the commercials about Branson? Please Kansas City, just think of the pain that it causes your residents. You want to be a hip, growing city? Do everything you can to avoid publicizing that you are within driving distance of Branson.

Ok, some other business to take care of. The profile is finally updated (yes, it is missing a picture but for that I need to do one other step so just give me time) and I’ll make changes to it as I find some new favorites to list. I’ve also finally figured out how to post pictures to the blog (as you can see below) so watch out for the multimedia extravaganza that will be coming in this place soon. Or, just pictures of Julie Delpy. That’s probably more likely.

And on the picture below of Maggie, one of the first people to say to me, “You’re a good writer, you should start a blog”, I’ve got a favor to ask of all of you. Maggie is starting off her music career in Austin and is doing a remarkable job of it (go to www.maggiewalters.com to check out her debut disc). She’s even made XM radio’s unsigned channel. Which is where I need your help. Go to http://www.xmradio.com/programming/channel_guide.jsp?ch=52 and you can click on her link under the most requested/most played bands (or even request that they play one of her songs (I’d recommend Fingerprints)). That’s all you need to do. If you’ve ever wanted to help out an artist just starting off her career (or just feel guilty about all the music that you’ve stolen online) here’s your chance.

The five random CD’s for the week
1) Liz Phair “Whip-Smart”
2) Sinead Lohan “No Mermaid”
3) Bruce Robison “Country Sunshine”
4) Jeff Buckley “Mystery White Boy”
5) Laura Cantrell “The Hello Recordings”

Testing out the photo posting capabilities of the blog. Here is longtime friend of the blog (and an up and coming artist in the Austin music scene) Maggie Walters talking with Lyle Lovett after her showcase at South By Southwest last month. How awesome is that?  Posted by Hello

Friday, April 15, 2005

Quick story...

(Sorry, it is really late and I'm just going to repost something I wrote in my travel journal from a few years ago. In all honesty, I may have already posted this to the blog. To make up for it, I'll finally complete my profile and figure out how to post pictures to the blog over the weekend just to make life more interesting.)

Pub life: One last general observation before I call it a night. I’ve gone through all of this without ever describing the wonders that are an Irish pub. Disregarding the Guinness, there are a lot of really cool things about hitting a pub for lunch. First of all, you can always get a meal. I personally go for the fish and chips which despite the number of times I’ve ordered it always amazes me in its size and the fact that fish has bones. I am just from a fish stick type of place.

True story, when wandering around London I finally made my way to Westminster. It was lunch and I was dying so my first thought was where the hell is a pub. It is a much nicer thought than where is the nearest McDonald’s.

Also, the pubs did have the game on, either Gaelic football or the Packers-Panthers game. On the whole, I love the fact that all the pubs seem to have music which is better than I could imagine. Except for the pub in Dublin, with the best food I had, which was playing Neil Diamond songs non stop. No kidding, song after song of Neil Diamond’s greatest hits. We left before he got to Coming to America which would have driven me bonkers.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Way too proud of a car...

I think we have a winner in the category of “Dumbest Personalized License Plate Ever.” After months of watching the roads out here in this forsaken backwater burg this morning I came across one that quite possibly is the most bizarre and inane thing I’ve ever seen. Driving to work I found myself behind a car whose license plate read “MY SAAB”. Yes, this guy is so proud of the fact that he drives a Saab that he felt the need to pay extra just so he can reinforce the fact that yes, he drives a Saab. Which would be cool except for the fact that it’s a Saab for Christ’s sake! There’s nothing special or unique about it. Owning one doesn’t make you any more important or interesting. If you had a Deloreon, then I might let the self-advertising pass. But a Saab? At least have a sense of humor and put that license plate on a Honda or something and make a post modern statement. What is with these people?

(Oh, and I have another addition to the “Who is your target market exactly?” file. Please tell me who is buying the complete seasons of “Murder She Wrote” on DVD? Are there that many Angela Landsbury fanboys out there who are dying to get their hands on every episode in pristine digital condition along with surround sound? Does anyone who watched the show actually understand how to operate a DVD player? Maybe I should have focused on marketing in business school. Apparently a sense of reality is not required.)

Changing subjects, long-time blog commenter Super Dave forwarded me an article earlier this week on theories on why very intelligent men have absolutely no success with women. It’s an interesting read (I’ll post a link if anyone wants it) and even though in the end the guy just starts reiterating the Tao like it is a grand discovery he makes a couple of interesting points. But here are two things that really stuck out.

1) He mentioned how smart guys are always looking for one more technique, one more book to read that will tell them all the secrets on how to be successful. And he makes fun of it since to an intelligent guy knowledge is always the solution so the only way to figure things out is by studying harder. This point is good and would be excellent if it wasn’t for the fact that the author started pimping his free newsletter chock full of dating tips a couple of paragraphs later.

2) He made a really good point that smart guys (and let’s be honest what he really means is math geeks/science dweebs/cool engineers) look for logical conversations while women would prefer emotions. It’s the rock band hypothesis. Take any rock band and figure out who gets the most groupies. The order is always lead singer, guitarist, drummer, bass player. The lead singer is putting his heart and soul out there and gets all the chicks. The bass player is standing in the back, counting, keeping time, making sure the songs go in an orderly fashion and when the set is done he’s by himself in the back of the tour bus. What’s my takeaway from this? Until I figure out a way to model a woman’s behavior through the use of If-Then statements (and trust me, one day I will get that to work) I should probably stop being so rational and just let things happen. It will make life more interesting at least. Sometimes predictability is not a good thing.

Last thing before I forget. Congratulations to the Bulls for making the NBA playoffs. It’s been a damn long time as the three year rebuilding process took about eight but we’ve finally made it.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Losing a diva...

A couple of thoughts, none of which would qualify as a posting in their own right. At the end of the day, I am a firm believer in quantity over quality…

1) Brittney Spears is officially pregnant! Yes, I’m halfway to winning my bet that she would be barefoot and pregnant before the end of the year. I can see nothing but positives in having one less pop diva cluttering up the airwaves.

2) Did catch a brief glimpse of the royal wedding over the weekend. Was it me or did Camilla run into a tree before the ceremony? What was that in her hair? Branches? Look, royalty is all about glamour and mystique. It’s what England has to make up for the fact that they don’t have Disney World. At least make an attempt to play the part.

3) Thanks to whoever posted the comment with the Hitchhikers Guide movie review. It’s what I feared that they would decide that this is a science fiction movie and spend a ton on special effects. Completely forgetting that the entire phenomenon started off as a radio series so in reality it is all about the writing and the comedy. Based on the spoilers they’ve taken out one of my favorite lines of all time (and one that I’ve stolen on so many occasions and claimed it as my own I probably owe the Adams estate money.) “It’s at times like this that I wish I would have listened to what my mother always told me.” “Why, what did she say?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen!”

4) While lying on my couch Friday night I found myself watching What Not To Wear on TLC. This is not a show I typically watch. Doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be beneficial to me if I watched it, I just wanted it stated for the record that this isn’t part of my normal viewing habits. What was memorable is the girl that they were making over was this 23 year old art student who had this complete thrift store, bright colors, individualistic vibe going. Seriously, the type of girl that I see and immediately go, “I want to date her.” Sure, she buys her clothes at a dollar a pound but she’s different and unique and just has to be cool. So what do they do? They get her to dress like everyone else on the planet. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a case of “Now just be like everyone else and you’ll be successful and hence, happy.” Do we really need to encourage conformity?

5) Of course, this is coming from a guy who wears dark slacks and a blue polo shirt, allowing him to match with a full third of the staff of the company. Talk about having a company dress code, they might as well just start issuing official shirts and save us all the hassle.

6) One final note. The amazing thing about having digital cable and way too many channels is that you stumble across the most bizarre programming imaginable. Case in point: Good Clean Porn on Trio. Yes, take a classic porn movie like Debbie Does Dallas, cut out all the pornography, and show what is left. Takes up a good thirty minutes of your broadcast day, including commercials, introduction and conclusion. It is strangely fascinating to watch it and contemplate things like acting and production values. And the script, you really get to focus on the quality screenwriting. I really want to meet the guy who got this show idea greenlighted.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Foolish thoughts...

While driving around town over the weekend doing errands I heard a great story on NPR. (Yes, I listen to NPR now. I’m too cheap for satellite radio and all other radio sucks.) (Oh, and what errands did I run? Well, those of you who have seen my apartment and wondered just why my dining room table only has three chairs will be happy to know that I have finally gotten an office chair for my home office. Which means I no longer have to use one of my dining room chairs. It only took me a year and a half to accomplish this.)

Anyway, the NPR story. I’m not sure if this is inspired genius or the meanest pranks ever but it is something that needs to be shared. There are a group of people in New York who do what can only be described as live action improvisation. It’s kind of like a flash mob but flash mobs are pretty random occurrences, just organize a bunch of people to meet in one spot and do something silly for a minute and then take off. This is much more in depth and inspired.

Here’s the first bit they talked about. If you’ve ever gone through your local paper you’ll always see some no name band playing a small bar on a weeknight. Just a couple of guys playing for beer money. Well, what they did was organize thirty or forty people to go to a random show, learn the lyrics to the band’s songs, and just go nuts while watching them play. Just act in the crowd like this is the greatest, most amazing set you’ve ever seen. And then, once the band leaves the stage, everyone takes off and goes home so the band packs up their gear to an empty bar. There’s something incredible about hearing from the band as they talked about how incredible it felt to be in front of a screaming audience and then wondering where did everybody go. But once they found out it was a prank it seemed a bit cruel.

The second one seemed even more inspired. Again, they organized thirty people with the idea that on a Friday night they were going to choose a random guy and act like he was an old friend and they were celebrating his birthday. They came up with a full backstory: guy’s name was Ted, worked for Oppenheimer, favorite band was Dave Matthews, and everyone was to come up with their past history with Ted. So, they go to a bar and just pick a guy at random who is drinking with a buddy and one by one they start going up to him and saying “Hey Ted, happy birthday man.” Start buying him drinks, giving him gift cards, they bring out a cake at one point. It sounds like the most amazing thing imaginable.

Except from the guy’s perspective. He recounted how here he was just relaxing at a bar and everyone started calling him by a different name and it really started to weird him out. Because no matter what he tried he couldn’t convince these people that he was not Ted. He started worrying that some guy was going to come through the door and be pissed that here he was with his birthday presents. At some point he just starts going along with it and saying that he is Ted, just because it is the only way that he could handle the situation. In the days that followed he would look at the gift cards and wonder just what happened. And then every once in a while someone would come up to him and go, “Hey Ted, how’s it going?” Which has to be the most disconcerting thing in the world.

Like I said, I don’t know if this is inspired humor or cruel mind games. There is something cool about throwing a birthday party for some random person and giving them gifts. I mean, it does sound like it would be cool to be on the receiving end. But then again, to have everyone say that you are someone else and talking to you about experiences that you have never had must make you question your sanity. Still not sure what the end answer is but I have to say at least the people who put these things together try to make life interesting.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Two completely different topics

A bar story and something that has been on my mind for the past week…

Talked to a guy at the bar last night who is doing what has to be one of the most interesting ideas that I have heard of in a long time. The guy lives in Santa Monica, owns a bar, and has just come back from Iraq (where he did two tours of duty along with one in Afghanistan). So what is he doing now that he is back in the states? Every other weekend he is traveling to a city in the U.S. that he has never been to but has always wanted to visit. Started off with Las Vegas and then went to Kansas City. He’s planning on going to Boston, Chicago and pretty much everywhere else that Southwest can take you. That just sounds like the coolest thing ever, just travel to different cities by yourself for a weekend just to see what happens.

(Admittedly, I wouldn’t choose KC as the second city on the list. It really makes you wonder what you’ll be doing for your eleventh city. My guess would be Omaha.)

The second is a local news story that has made the national rounds the last week. During last week’s elections (why there have been four elections in the past year is beyond me but oh well) the residents of Kansas voted 70% - 30% to become the 18th state to ban gay marriage in their constitution. They also became the first state to ban civil unions. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve got the feeling that this isn’t the sort of thing that you want to be first on.

(This isn’t going to be a rip on Kansas. Missouri passed theirs in November by the same margin. This is going to be an equal opportunity complaint.)

I can understand people being against gay marriage. If you take marriage as a religious ceremony then there are definitely different views on the matter and you can respect those. A church is a private organization that operates under its own codes and guidelines. Heck, if a casino can legally bar someone from gambling for no apparent cause I don’t see any legal concern if a church doesn’t want to marry someone.

Civil unions are different though. That’s basically saying that when the founding fathers wrote the constitution they truly believed that a certain portion of the population shouldn’t be allowed medical and insurance benefits for their partners and that they should have a hell of a time doing estate planning. That doesn’t seem right. I’ve worked for several companies that provided benefits to life partners. I’ve been especially happy when my old company extended benefits to include your live-in girlfriend, which I thought was the best thing to ever happen to commitment phobes like myself.

I still don’t see what the big hangup is for people on this issue and I am clearly in the minority. I mean, two elections with two to one margins is a sign. Are people that uptight about decisions that at the end of the day truly do not effect them? Does it matter to anyone who gets extended medical coverage and who gets to be married? I get really upset with people who talk about maintaining the family structure and how gay marriage will hasten the decline of our culture. Not accepting people for who they are hastens the decline of culture. Closing your mind hastens the decline. Writing the laws to ensure that your point of view will always be considered correct hastens the decline. Letting people live the lives they want to live with no harm to anyone else brings us closer to the world we all want to live in.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cowboy Junkies “Rarities, B-Sides and Slow, Sad Waltzes”
2) Alejandro Escovedo “More Miles Than Money: Live 1994-1996”
3) De La Soul “Three Feet High and Rising”
4) Gillian Welch “Revival”
5) Dave Matthews Band “Before These Crowded Streets”

Thursday, April 07, 2005

C is for Cookie

Had a couple topics come across my radar screen that I need to address…

First, saw the news story that hit the wire that in certain school districts teachers are being discouraged from using red ink. Apparently, red ink carries so many negative connotations that teachers are being recommended to use softer, happier colors like blue or magenta. And of course the all-powerful Bic corporation is developing new colors as we speak to meet this growing need.

Ok, is it me or does this just sound weird and possibly wrong? I mean, I don’t want to go back to the days where you got the two by four to the back of the head for messing up your multiplication tables but is the solution to the education crisis the color of pen that is being used? We need to encourage students and show them learning can be fun but do we have to hold their hands the entire time? Sometimes you make mistakes. I’ve gotten papers back where it looked like the teacher’s pen exploded on my page and I survived (thanks Mrs. Tierney, who taught me to never write a report on Slaughterhouse Five again since it is impossible to keep verb tenses straight). I’m all for reducing stress but let’s not make our way to Lake Wobegone where all the students are above average.

In other disturbing news, the Cookie Monster is going to be eating healthier on Sesame Street. This actually made CNN, which might be disturbing, and I read it at work, which is probably even more frightening. But it appears that the Cookie Monster is going to be eating fewer cookies and there will be more talk about health and nutrition and that cookies are a Sometimes food and not an Always food. I’m really bummed about this. I mean, he’s the Cookie Monster. Eating cookies is his joie de vivre. Heck, it’s his entire reason for existence. Talk about someone who finally found a job that he loves and has it taken away from him. I don’t know what we will end up teaching kids, that they should eat healthier and not grow up to be obese or that life is cruel and unfair and you never get to just sit around and enjoy simple pleasures like eating cookies without knowing in the back of your mind that this could possibly kill you.

And in other disturbing food news, have you seen these new Burger King commercials? I’m not even talking about the Hootie one, which has enough bizarre sexual imagery embedded in it to fill someone’s masters thesis. I’m talking about the waking up with the king commercials, where you wake up by being confronted by some guy in a really freaky King outfit handing you a croissanwich. It’s like your typical fast food commercial crossed with some bizarre East German art film where you continually expect to find that the entire movie has just been this lengthy allegory on hell. If you woke up and found a guy on your lawn in a King costume I doubt that you would be accepting food from him. You’d be calling the cops if you didn’t decide to take the law into your own hands first.

Oh well, at least the weekend is nearly here. Enjoy the weekend everyone, I’m sure I’ll have a few more stories and rants to share next week.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Eleven years...

Saw this as a headline on AOL yesterday. (Yes, I still use AOL. When you’ve had the same email address for ten plus years it is really difficult to change). This week is the eleventh anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death. And I do remember where I was eleven years ago this week. Within a few days of Cobain’s passing I took the GRE, attended my godfather’s wedding, and purchased Sarah McLachlan’s “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy”. I have no idea why I can remember all of those things, I just do.

The real point is there is still a debate as to the impact of Cobain and Nirvana and what would the world have been like if he had lived (or in a better scenario, not married Courtney Love). There are certain undeniable points. Smells Like Teen Spirit was the first huge grunge hit. It took over the MTV airways and, other than Metallica’s Enter Sandman, at one point seemed to be the only video MTV showed in 1991. Following up with Come As You Are was incredible and to me, that song put the nail in the coffin of hair metal.

But it is true to say that it wasn’t just Nirvana. Pearl Jam breaks a few months later and goes on to more mainstream success. Remember, Eddie Vedder is the one who makes the cover of Time magazine, not Kurt. Add in all of the other Seattle bands and it was not just Nirvana. In Utero didn’t have the same punch as Nevermind and at the time of Kurt’s death you already had the feeling that the band was spinning out of control and was not long for this world.

The real reason was that they became too successful and Kurt had no idea how to deal with it. I mean, here was a guy who grew up on the punk rock ethos and was very happy to play in small clubs and make good music. Suddenly he is selling millions of discs and his face is all over magazines and he is being named the voice of a generation and the guy just could not handle it. I’m not sure that many people could. There are a few souls who seek attention so much that they revel in that type of spotlight but you knew Cobain wasn’t one of them. I still remember him joking that he wanted to make the follow up to Nevermind a polka record, something that would not sell so he could just go back to being a guy in a band again.

Even if it would have lasted I don’t know where it would have gone. I could never see Nirvana doing the big stadium shows like Pearl Jam ended up doing. I mean, it would have been three guys on stage dwarfed by huge Jumbotrons with no light show, no theater, just three guys playing music. We did miss out on a lot of great songs though and I still feel that along with the tragic loss of Jeff Buckley, the musical heart of Gen X left us before it ever really got started.

So what happened eleven years ago? Did Gen X lose its spokesman? Or did we just realize that our moment in the national conscious was reaching its end? The person that the media had claimed as our spokesman had left us and it was time to declare the end of grunge, the end of the alternative, the return of the mainstream. It was time to start bringing in the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys and everyone else who could sing off key and gyrate vaguely in time to the music. It was time to move on to Generation Y.

It still doesn’t seem like it was eleven years ago. That much time could not have passed. I mean, wouldn’t we have more to show for it?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Random thoughts...

Lots of unconnected thoughts tonight…

1) I still don’t think that there is any better ending to a sporting event than the playing of One Shining Moment at the end of the NCAA title game. Highlights of three weeks of basketball to this uplifting song as you watch guys giving it there all and ending with one team celebrating the title. I’m still upset that they recorded a new version a few years back. I really liked that late 80’s version. Trust me, it is a thrill to have heard that song when Duke won its titles. And I really did want to hear it with Illinois raising the trophy at the end.

2) A comment on one of the commercials. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie is either going to be really good or really, really bad. I know that they are working from a script that Douglas Adams had been working on before he died, which is a good sign. It’s just such a tough story to try to fit in a two hour movie. Looks spectacular though and I’ll be there for the first showing. Have to pay tribute to one of my favorite writers.

3) Saw Steve Earle on Sunday night. Great show and made me realize that I’m not the only person with my political views after all. It is still strange seeing Steve walking on stage carrying a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. Really glad that he is still clean but man, it just looks out of place. Plus, he is now graying and balding but is still the most intense person in the world. There are moments when you just expect him to kill three people in the front row because they dared to talk during his set. A really good show to catch and Allison Moorer opened, which is a huge bonus.

4) I did catch the new cast for The Surreal Life. Jose Canseco, Omarossa from The Apprentice and Balki from Perfect Strangers are the top names. Man, you’ve got to feel for Balki. It’s just the sign that you can get no work in this town. Not sure if there is anything that will match the Flavor Flav-Brigitte Nielsen pairing or the Peter Brady-Winner of America’s Next Top Model but we can always hope.

5) Oh, and for those of you who don’t watch The Surreal Life, you are missing some incredible television. I mean, Peter Brady (ok, the dude who played Peter Brady) has somehow gotten this twentysomething model falling head over heels for him. And he of course is trying to play it down, which might be the best acting job of his career. Because, lets face it, when you know that you are going to have to live your entire life as Peter Brady you better go for every opportunity that presents itself. He knows that this is the only chance he’ll ever get to date a model. Hell, he knows that there is no logical reason why a model would ever date him. This is just must see tv.

6) And in closing, Go to Hell, Carolina. Go to Hell.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Title game

I’m not sure what I can say right now. All I know is that I am damn proud of this Illinois team. This was a team that never said die. Came back from fifteen down again and had their shot to win it all but the shots just didn’t fall. They fought through everything and just would never give up. When Augustine gets hit with a bunch of touch fouls, Jack Ingram steps up and keeps them in the game. Illinois just didn’t have an answer for May and could not hit the shots at the end.

It’s really tough to explain what this team has meant to me. I mean, everyone who knows me has seen all of my Duke t-shirts and knows how much I follow and support the Blue Devils. And I still do, it’s just that this was finally my school playing for it all. I never expect Illinois to be a number one team. I’m happy for winning the Big Ten. I’ve always followed and cheered but I’ve never really anticipated a chance to make the Final Four and to go into the title game really thinking that we can win.

That’s why following this team has meant so much to me this past year. Just knowing that this was a group of guys who went into the season expected to be a good team but definitely not expected to tie the record for most wins in the season. A bunch of guys who played unselfish basketball and won. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about what it means to watch your team win on a cold, gray night in winter. That’s what this team did for me, a touchstone of excellence in a tough winter.

At the end, all I can say is that I am proud of the team. We played hard until the very last second. Came back when other teams would have given up. Showed that we belonged on the big stage. Did it with pride and confidence and style. At the end of the day, I will remember that as much as a championship.

The fun thing is now I have to find something else to do with my time now that basketball season is over. Hey, the White Sox won today. See, there’s always a bright side.

Muppets abound

(Last night at the bar I was asked the best question I’ve heard since “Who would be in your dream Real World cast.” This girl at the bar asked me “Who is your favorite muppet?” After a lot of thought I have to go with Ralph the Dog. Just barely beating out Animal. At the end of the day, I don’t think that you can go wrong with the piano playing dog.)

Well, my Illini have made it through another game and not we get to play for the championship. The first championship that I can ever remember Illinois playing for, I mean, even if we extend the conversation to minor sports I can’t recall a national championship. Or even a contending for a national title. This is really uncharted territory. It was a great win over Louisville with Luther Head and Roger Powell coming up big. That’s probably the neatest thing about this Illinois team, Deron Williams, the only sure fire lottery pick on the team, couldn’t shoot last night but gets nine assists and the other guys step up and fill in for him. It’s a neat team where there is no one superstar.

And we get to play North Carolina, one of my three least favorite schools in the country (along with Northwestern and Florida State). Carolina has former Kansas coach Roy Williams at the helm, which means I have a lot more on the line here because I still might have to deal with Kansas fans after the game. Carolina has talent but Illinois is a team. It’s going to be a really challenging game and should be a good one. Either way, I’m probably not going to sleep Monday night.

Other than basketball this has really been a quiet weekend. Cleaned my apartment, did laundry, bought groceries, all of those bi-weekly/monthly/quarterly chores. Even though the weather was awesome this weekend I just kind of crashed in my apartment. It doesn’t help that it’s daylight savings time and they decided to steal an hour of sleep away from me. It just doesn’t seem fair, why steal my sleep during the NCAA tournament? Why not do it in February where I really wouldn’t care if I needed to call it a night an hour earlier? Oh well, it’s just another sign that it’s springtime again and baseball is starting up. And since Sports Illustrated named the Royals the worst team in baseball, it is looking to be yet another glorious season of baseball in KC.

On the bright side, someone has listened to me and decided to get an Arena Football team for next year. Not a bad idea given we live in a football mad town and have a perfectly acceptable arena for it. I’ll put good money that the team name will be something like “Tornadoes” or “Oz” or something of that ilk.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Connells “Still Life”
2) Jenny Orenstein “Astroturf”
3) R.E.M. “Up”
4) U2 “Rock Hottest Ticket” (U2 live in Chicago in ’87)
5) Kelly Willis “Well Traveled Love”