Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hunger Strike? Storm the Bastille?

Sorry for the lack of posts. I had been sitting novena outside of the LA County Courthouse the past few days and was so distraught over the imprisonment of My Beloved Lindsay (a term I should have trademarked a few years ago) that I just could not bring myself to write last night. Right now I am working feverishly to get Amnesty International to support my cause that Ms. Lohan is being held illegally as a prisoner of conscience and, barring that, gathering various supplies like rope, bolt cutters, and celebratory bottles of Stoli in order to pull off the greatest prison escape ever. It will be just like the Great Muppet Caper except that we will be trying to break someone out of jail and there will be no Muppets. Ok, maybe it won’t be like the Great Muppet Caper after all.

DJ asked on Facebook just where in God’s name did this Lindsay Lohan fascination come from. Based on my blog tags I’ve been calling her My Beloved Lindsay since at least June 2007 and I really think I did it before hand. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure that the phrase came out of a joke at trivia that I made for no one’s benefit but my own. See, Maygun would always have a trivia category called “News of the Starz”, which was celebrity gossip and always seemed to include one Lindsay Lohan reference. I decided that it would be fun if I started to refer to her as my beloved, pretend that I had an insane crush on her, and defend my belief that as long as I continually professed my devotion to her at some point I would be her best dating option left. I thought it was funny though it certainly seemed to get out of hand.

My real reason is a bit more detailed than that as I have followed her career for a long time. I remember The Parent Trap, though I never actually watched the movie, and thought that she was a child star with promise. Mean Girls, which I also never watched, also seemed to indicate that. The thing is after that movie she became the it girl in Hollywood with one amazing difference. Sure, there had been a lot of 18 year olds who were given a ton of press with little to back it up but they all seemed to come out of the same cookie cutter mold. Blonde, innocent looking, often having had a career in Disney films (Brittney and Miley are the same in this regard.) But Lindsay was a redhead with freckles and real curves. Her look was completely different than the rest of the starlets and she did have legitimate talent. You had some hopes for her. She wasn’t going to turn into Natalie Portman but you figured that she had better career prospects than Tara Reid.

Sadly we were wrong. Paris Hilton got a hold of her and suddenly Lindsay lost a ton of weight to the point that I started the “Buy Lindsay a Sandwich!” fan club. She dyed her hair blonde and ended up looking like every other actress in Hollywood. And worst of all, the partying and the booze and the drugs took away her talent. Once while flying back from Europe I saw that Just My Luck was the in flight movie and tried to watch it. I lasted all of five minutes before I decided that I would rather listen to the crying infant two rows behind me than to try to watch her act. Her career has been over for a good five years now and the only reason she makes the news is that we are all drawn to a car wreck. It is the worst part of our voyeuristic nature.

So she is going to jail. And writing F You to the judge on her fingernails. Maybe she’ll get clean and sober and have a career comeback. I’m not betting on it. I think we all know where this story is going to end. People have probably already written their pieces on how we could let someone destroy themselves in front of our very eyes and are just waiting for the news story so they can hit publish. We should probably hope for better. And figure out how the hell Paris Hilton seems to be immune to all of this.

Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for a few weeks now and this is the only version of it that I can find online. It is from one of my favorite performers Tift Merritt and just seems to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. No one has a voice quite like Tift’s.

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