Here we go again...

Sigh.

If I told her once I told her a thousand times. Move to Kansas City. I’ve got a spare bedroom in my place where she could crash. There isn’t a single paparazzi within 500 miles of this town and I don’t even think that the Kansas City Star has reporters. You can walk to the bars here, no need to drive. We could just hang out, play trivia and just relax for a little bit. But did she take my advice? No, of course not.

Instead my beloved Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving less than a week after surrendering herself to the police on a separate drunk driving charge. Actually, it was less of her being pulled over for drunk driving and more her chasing down the mother of her former assistant causing the woman to fear for her life and call the cops. While it might not be true, the best rumor I heard is that the mom pulled into a police station, Lindsay followed her and the cops just arrested her in the parking lot. That would be awesome. Oh, and she did all this while having coke on her, just in case the blowing a .12 after leaving rehab a week earlier wasn’t good enough.

In the news world, this is what is called a story. It trumps the NBA ref betting on games and Michael Vick slamming a dog to the ground until it died due to it not showing fighting spirit. It’s been a strange week, made even stranger by the fact that the Weekly World News will cease publication next month. Apparently they took one look at reality and went, “Why even bother?”

I’m kind of thinking that this is going to be the end of the drama surrounding our (ok my) beloved Lindsay. This isn’t one of those things that you plead out of, you’re going to have to either serve time or as Steve Earle once put it, “go to state sponsored rehab.” After that if she has any brains about her or one intelligent person whispering in her ear she would disappear for a while. Get out of LA, find someplace in Montana where she could just sit around, watch tv, and let time pass. In a year you make a triumphant comeback where you discuss how you battled your demons and are now ready to get back to work, first with a couple of low budget indie films and then maybe something bigger. If that fails, there is always the Playboy shoot, tastefully done of course. But the only, and I mean only, way to get back on track is to have no one hear from you for about a year. Heck, I think it took Rob Lowe five years to get back to where he could show his face on television again. That’s the time frame that we are talking about here.

It has been the year of the downfall of the celebutante. While no one cried for Paris Hilton, someone who is famous for having been born to people who were rich if not famous, and Brittney Spears downfall was more comical than tragic (and oh man, read defamer.com for the latest meltdown story about her) I’m still bummed about Lindsay. Because compared to the other two she actually had talent and a unique look. She was a redhead with real curves who could also act. Maybe not in the Natalie Portman sense but at least in the Kirsten Dunst sense. There were possibilities there. Or maybe that is just me. Given that I probably now rank in the top ten of guys willing to date Lindsay Lohan I am probably not the most impartial of judges.

But you know who I blame most of all for this? Herbie the Love Bug. If he would have just driven himself none of this would ever have been an issue.