This Land is Our Land!

As many of you know, I have been watching the political scene in my former home very closely over the past several weeks. The corruption and arrogance evident amongst our elected officials is too much to behold. Never have I seen such a mistreatment of the public trust. As a result I feel that it is my duty to lead the charge to make a change in the way our great land is governed. I ask all citizens to join with me on this cause.

We must impeach Mayor McCheese!



For too long we have been complacent in our acceptance of his governing practices. We elected him on his promise of bringing law and order to our streets. We cheered when he announced that Officer Big Mac would lead the crime reduction task force. But are we any safer now than we were when he was elected? Captain Crook and his band of pirates still menace our fishing fleet and constantly raid our ships loaded with imports from the Tartars. Even more concerning is the continual threat to our society known only by the name “The Hamburglar”. This criminal makes even the strongest citizen scared to venture onto the city streets for fear of being robbed by a masked lunatic. Have Mayor McCheese and his flunky Officer Big Mac captured this repeat criminal? Of course not as all of our tax dollars that were meant to go towards the hiring of additional police forces have been diverted in order to “make meal time a more joyous occurrence.”

Let us not forget his domestic policy. We all remember Mayor McCheese’s disastrous press conference during The Great McRib Panic of 2005.



Never before has an elected leader been so negligent in such a trying time. We all knew that the food supply was too dependent on the McPorcine and that any natural disaster in the agricultural region would have horrible consequences. It is why every spring they would have the annual Faux Gras celebration as the entire area had a conscious understanding that their entire lifestyle could be wiped out in an instant. But did McCheese see the warning signs? No, he watched idly as days passed while rioters and looters roamed the streets looking for one last packet of sauce. Why wasn’t Birdie the Early Bird placed in charge of the early warning system as all of the experts recommended? It was a case of criminal neglect of the highest source.

Then there is the threat from foreign sources. The Burger King has been amassing forces for years, always threatening to invade our peaceful land. An insurgent terrorist element has been planting Jack in the Boxes across our fair city. And I shiver when I hear the garbled messages of the one they call Wendy. Has Mayor McCheese done anything that makes you sleep soundly at night? Are we more secure knowing that the Fry Guys are on patrol? I think not.

Now I know that many will claim that this is driven more from a disagreement with Mayor McCheese’s lifestyle. While many people have issue with the Mayor and his life partner Grimace I do not fall in that group. I feel proud that I live in a land where someone can be elected leader regardless if their spouse is male, female or an amorphous purple blob. I also do not discount the Mayor’s accomplishments. Thanks to his appointing of Uncle O’Grimacy as ambassador we now have secured a year round shipment of Shamrock Shakes. He instituted the space program providing us with our national hero CosMc. But these successes have been few and far between and our government is now a greasy slab of disease due solely to his leadership.

So let us rise up and retake our government! There is only one person who can save us from catastrophe!



Help us Ronette. You are our only hope.