About last night...

I have a few thoughts on the election from last night that I didn’t bother sharing because everyone on the planet was sharing their thoughts on the election and to be honest no one cared. I doubt that anyone will care now but at least my voice will have a little less competition. Also, I like to say that I completely avoided watching any election coverage because it is quite possibly the most boring coverage in the world. It is just a bunch of numbers on a screen and that is incredibly uninteresting and this is coming from a guy who looks at spreadsheets all day.

I think the big story of the election is not the Republican victory but which Republican candidates lost. Particularly the triumvirate of Christine O’Donnell, Sharon Angle and to a lesser extent Linda McMahon. I’m not targeting them because they are women though there is an interesting argument that they are anti-feminist candidates to be made. My main point is that they ran as outsider, rather radical candidates in elections that they could easily have won but all lost, often at great expense. Their losses will probably be the biggest strike against a Sarah Palin presidency run.

There is only so much one can do as an outsider candidate running on a platform that contains outrageous statements. You can tap into a vein of popular sentiment against the incumbent but unless you have some bona fide credentials behind you the tactic tends to not work. Sharon Angle is a clear example of this. Despite the fact that everyone, including members of his family, hates Harry Reid she still couldn’t beat him because voters could not rally behind her image and her message. We want change, we want new voices, but there is a point where we get really nervous. I did not want to vote for Chris Coons in Delaware but Christine O’Donnell gave me no reason to vote for her other than she was mildly attractive.

Sarah Palin is going to fall right into this trap. She can’t run as the experienced candidate when she quit the governorship to star in a reality TV show with Kate Gosselin and whatever number of kids were available for filming that day. Candidates running as free speaking outsiders without credentials don’t win on the level necessary to be president. The fact that the Republicans didn’t take the senate shows that the party is going to need a candidate more towards the middle and more traditional in order to win the presidency in 2012.

(Yes, I know that Rand Paul winning in Kentucky despite saying quite amazing things such as that he wouldn’t vote for the Civil Rights Act kind of shoots a hole in my theory. However, it is Kentucky where it is a state law that the senators be technically insane. It is in the same section of the constitution that states that all elected officials must down a fifth of Jim Beam every morning.)

Basically what I am saying is that we are going to be returning to politics as usual. Washington will be gridlock, which is usually the best we can hope for. The best government is one that doesn’t actually accomplish anything and that keeps the politicians off the streets where they could do real damage. We’ll see both parties merge towards the middle, the rhetoric will die down some and we can all get a little bit of peace and quiet. Hopefully.

Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m in a Soul Coughing mood at the moment plus this video features cartoon angst. All you really need to ask for.

The 2012 presidential campaign starts.....now!

A whole bunch of random notes for the evening…

1) A huge shout to How I Met Your Mother for having Barney wear a Cobra Kai costume for Halloween. As a proud owner of a Cobra Kai t-shirt I am glad to see that Barney is a member of the “Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy” fraternity. Also this episode showed precisely why Barney gets the girls while Ted doesn’t. Barney is suavely dressed in Cobra Kai kit, an understated costume that shows off his guns and can be quickly removed in a romantic situation. Ted, on the other hand, is wearing a full hot dog costume that is way too obvious, has inconveniently located zippers and would lead to the use of lines like “boy, I would certainly relish you.” That is why I am totally Team Barney.

2) While driving home from work I saw a handwritten sign on a church that read “God Sez Vote for O’Donnell.” My first thought was, “I would really expect God to be a better speller.” Well, sad to say Delaware’s favorite witch lost tonight in a result that we all saw coming months ago. I will say that she did get more negative press than she deserved. She did not have the qualifications to be senator but the fact that Gawker printed a story about a “one night stand” from a few years back was unnecessary. First off, they didn’t have sex so I don’t feel it qualifies as a one night stand. Second, you need sex for it to actually be a sex scandal. Finally, the story was about how a thirtysomething single woman hooked up with a guy at a Halloween party. That is not a scandal. Hell, it’s made me like her more as a result.

3) Other sign I have seen around town is “Jesus returns May 21, 2011.” As it says in the Bible “We do not know the day nor the hour…ok, we know the day but not the hour. Though it will most probably be in the afternoon.” Apparently there is a guy who has done the math and has pinpointed this as the exact date of the second coming and a complete screw you to those who are following the Mayan calendar. Still, every time I see a sign like that I can’t help but think “Jesus is coming! Quick, everyone hide the porn!”

4) It is sad that the reason I am happy the Linda McMahon has lost her bid for the senate is not that it means that the Democrats will hold on to the Senate but rather that it means that the WWE will improve over the next few months. Every few years the McMahons decide to waste money on efforts to expand their business (the World Bodybuilding Federation, the XFL, the movie studio, politics) and fail miserably while taking money and energy away from the wrestling product. The wrestling suffers and this year has been no exception as it has now become PG entertainment. Well, with a loss we can finally get back to the sex and violence that makes pro wrestling great.

5) One of the candidates in Delaware was running as part of the Blue Enigma party. That has to be the coolest political party name ever. That is what politics needs more of: a sense of mystery and danger.

Gary Gnu We Need You!

News stories that I have seen this week that make me question the very idea of news….

Story # 1: Critics complain about the actions of Sanjay Gupta and others in Haiti: This one drives me insane. The argument is this: Sanjay Gupta is hired by CNN to act as a reporter but by his actions to work in a hospital after Belgian doctors left due to security concerns he loses his credibility as a reporter by losing his objectivity. While he might lose some of that credibility what he gains by being an outstanding human being so outweighs it that this entire argument is ludicrous. This is not a reporter openly campaigning for a candidate on the air, which is happening much too regularly on both sides. This is someone reporting from a humanitarian crisis who when faced with a situation in which they can provide immediate aid vacates their reporting duties and performs heroic action. Anderson Cooper moving an injured child away from an angry mob is in a similar vein. The fact that anyone can criticize these sorts of actions by claiming that it is some sort of media bias really sickens me.

Story # 2: Cruise ships continue to dock in Haiti: This is one of those cases in which a good intention has gone terribly wrong. One of the major cruise lines (I forget which one and don’t want to blame one needlessly) regularly visits a Haitian port city that was relatively unaffected by the earthquake. They have decided to continue to stop there where they drop off needed supplies as well as have the passengers disembark and spend money, supporting the local economy. All of that is very well and good except for the fact that you therefore have tourists lounging around in hammocks enjoying drinks with colorful umbrellas while a hundred miles away over 100,000 people have died and the rest are homeless and would kill for a bottle of water. If you want to help support the local economy make a large donation to that city but don’t create a tourist trap in the middle of a catastrophe.

Story # 3: Massachusetts senatorial candidate calls Curt Schilling a Yankees fan: Sigh. For a moment there I was able to say that I was proud to be a supporter of the Democratic party. I mean, typically it is something that you say under your breath when in polite company but a year ago it was the cool thing to be. Now the party seems to be a spinning mess of disaster focused on a health care plan that does nothing other than increase the debt while making the health care system even less efficient than it already is. Even in the simplest of races the Democrats screw up. How could you lose the Kennedy’s seat? I can’t even blame the people who voted based on the Schilling comment. I wouldn’t vote for someone who had no idea who one of the most famous athletes in my state was. If you can’t read the sports pages how the hell are you going to be able to read a bill.

Story # 4: Tiger Woods is in a sex rehab clinic in Mississippi: I completely understand the sex rehab thing. After seeing the women he hooked up with and who he left in the process the guy seriously needs help. It’s the whole Mississippi thing that confuses me. I really don’t want to know what sex rehab entails in that state or what you would need to do to merit it. I assume farm animals are involved in both respects.

3rd Best Album of the Decade: Sufjan Stevens “Illinois” (2005): As I’ve mentioned a few times in this countdown one of the things that I have loved about this decade is that I have found a number of artists who have done things so differently that it changes the way I view music. Sufjan Stevens is one of those people. An album that consists solely of songs about the state of Illinois. Every instrument in the world being used. A song about John Wayne Gacy that makes your heart stop. It took me about three hours to listen to this album the first time because I kept hitting replay after every song because I just had to hear it again. Seriously, I have never in my life heard an album quite like this.

Replace the fat cats with actual cats

Sometimes I just look at our government and shake my head in befuddlement. Actually, that is pretty much all I ever do with regards to politics. Maybe it is one of my weak points in that I never really take a hugely active role in the system. Sure I vote and everything but you never see me on the front lines arguing for policy, organizing protests or trying to get my voice heard much at all. On some level I guess I have always viewed myself as an observer away from the fray. It really isn’t the best way to handle the situation so I should probably change it.

Right now my biggest beef is with the entire health care debacle and that is really the only thing that you can call it. Every plan is ill conceived and too expensive and massive to be implemented and simultaneously we seem to be releasing standards that vary from nonsensical to unethical. I would never have expected anyone to ever suggest that preventative cancer screening is unnecessary. The best argument (outside of it would save money) is that it will reduce unnecessary anxiety due to false positives. Sure, that might be true but I think that is a small price to pay for what happens when real positives are missed. A month after everyone was focused on breast cancer awareness we now have government saying essentially that it isn’t a big deal. It would be comical if it wasn’t so serious.

Now I don’t think that health care reform will pass and I certainly hope that it doesn’t in its present form for two reasons. The first is that every proposal that I have seen does put us on the path to socialized medicine and once we start on that path we will not be able to stop. I’ve been in an emergency room in England and trust me I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through that experience. My bigger issue though is even simpler. We simply don’t have the money for a major overhaul right now.

If you viewed the US as a company right now you probably wouldn’t buy stock in it. There is way too much debt, we are constantly running a deficit and our production has shifted from tangible products to things like knowledge and information and “service.” It is a very dangerous change as while people will always need steel they may not always require knowledge and while only certain people can produce knowledge pretty much anyone can work at a mill. I really think it is one of the reasons behind the high unemployment. The blue collar jobs that were the backbone are now gone and those workers have nowhere to go.

This is what is bothering me about the current administration, which I must admit I did vote for and therefore really have no room to bitch for the next few years. In my mind, the immediate focus of the Obama camp should have been secure the economy, get the nation back on growth and fix the foreign policy situation. I can give them credit that the economy is secure in that the Dow isn’t at 4500 like I had feared but I’m still not sure what they did to cause it other than make sure the banks survived. But even with the Dow at 10,000 and a technical end to the recession I can’t see the economy as being in good shape. We have double digit unemployment and an incredibly weak dollar and no indication that either of those things are going to change in the near future. Add in the housing crisis that is continuing to snowball and we have a huge amount of immediate worries that are being pushed aside for a health care fight that really no one wants.

So what would I do if I was in DC? I’d cut bait on health care because it simply will not fly. Yes, it is a political hit but so is six more months of work for a bill that will not pass. I’d make a decision on Afghanistan (and please let it not be one where we half ass it to the point where we send just enough troops to accomplish nothing other than losing a lot of good soldiers) and make our intentions known. And I’d put all my focus and political capital on the economy and the long term finances of the country. Because right now if we don’t fix that part of the equation we are headed down a seriously bad slope.

Am I correct in my view? Don’t know. I just know that in the past year I can’t point to a single accomplishment that I can pin to the Dems and that makes me feel pretty sad given that I voted for them. I was not one who came into this thinking that the world would be transformed into a land of unicorns and rainbows but I thought that we would at least have some forward progress. Right now we are just spinning in a circle with the hope that once we stop that we will be pointing in the right direction.

What really matters

Even though the Bears were on television tonight I still couldn’t bring myself to sit down and watch them. I think that I have reached the point in my life where I no longer need to watch preseason football. Gamble on it, possibly, but not watch it. There is just something about spending an evening watching a game that doesn’t matter that seems like a complete waste of time. True, this is from someone who watches pro wrestling on a regular basis but I hope people understand my point.

By the way, you can pick up Michael Vick Eagles jerseys at the Philadelphia airport. You know, just in case you need to pick up a last minute gift for the illegal dog ring operator in your family. Ok, as a free market person I don’t have a problem with selling the jerseys or even with Vick being in the NFL (he served out his sentence and will serve out his suspension) but I don’t think you have to have his jersey be the most prominent one on display. It just seems a little disconcerting.

I want to mention one thing that struck me as I watched the Kennedy funeral yesterday. I wasn’t able to watch all of it but I saw a good portion and it was something that I found touching and moving. Being an Irish Catholic kid I grew up with the myth of the Kennedys and having stood in front of the grave at Arlington myself I really find it to be a very thought provoking space. Yes, this is definitely a mythologizing of very flawed individuals but I view them to be what one can accomplish when you focus on the better angels of our nature. It is a world view in which we strive to be better than what we are.

That is why it really bothered me when the funeral was being politicized. I would watch the talking heads discuss whether or not Obama should have tied his speech more to health care reform. It wasn’t a political stump speech; it was a eulogy. Politics in that sense should not have been raised at all. The health care bill should not be stamped with his name on it just because Teddy would have wanted it that way. He would want a good bill that he could discuss with Hatch and McCain and have them all agree that it is the best for the country even if they did not vote the same way. Sometimes I wish we could bury a man in peace and not have every aspect be analyzed for deeper political meaning. Personal and spiritual meaning yes, political no.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jeff Buckley “Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk”
2) Neko Case “Canadian Amp”
3) Freakwater “Feels Like the Third Time”
4) Loreena McKennitt “Live from Paris and Toronto”
5) Gillian Welch “Soul Journey”

At least I still have my health

I was requested to write about Obama’s policy stance tonight and since my primetime schedule was once again put into disarray by a news conference I thought that it would be best to discuss my views on the subject. I’m not sure how my views fall amidst the political spectrum but here it goes. Time for all of the health care aficionados out there to get their fill of news.

I will start with the points that I feel everyone agrees on. Health care is too expensive, too many people are uninsured to the point that they create an overall tax on the system, and the fear of losing coverage or being denied for a preexisting condition is overwhelming. All of those are issues that need to be addressed. However, I’m not sure the Obama plan is the right way to go about it.

First off, while he backed off the August deadline for a bill I am still upset with the timeline to begin with. Right now I see the overall health of the economy as the major focus and reforming health care is a priority but not the top priority. If this passed next year it wouldn’t be a big deal given the lead time it will take for any changes to go into effect. Given the size of the deficits that we are currently facing (and the fact that we may need another stimulus bill in the near future) this seems to be a diversion we do not need. Though I will give Obama credit for his point that the only way to get anything done in Washington is to force a deadline.

My main issue is the focus on universal coverage. The point of this version of health care reform is to get everyone insured, via the government if need be, at a rather tremendous expense to the overall system. I’m against that view because once you start down that path of universal coverage you quickly slide down the slope to socialized medicine. Sure, I’m insured via my company but if the government would also insure me what would stop my company (or any company for that matter) to stop my insurance and force me to the government plan. Pretty soon, everyone is insured by the government and we have socialized medicine.

And please do not tell me about the wonders of socialized medicine. I have been in an emergency room in England in so much pain that I blacked out at one point. I have never been through such a hellish experience as I went through that night. Every single step of the process from the waiting room onward made me wonder if the whole thing was just a massive bureaucratic joke. And what was I given for a severely separated shoulder and significant muscle tears throughout my arm? A handful of ibuprofen and a sling suitable for a Revolutionary War reenactor. Add in the year long waits for surgery in Canada for something that would get done in a week in the US and there is no way I want to go to that model.

In a way I really view universal coverage to be un-American. What we truly want is universal access to insurance. No one likes the idea of being forced to do something in this country, which is one of the reasons why we can’t even have standardized identification cards. But we do want a level of fairness for everyone. So what I would like to see is a level of catastrophic care insurance provided by private insurers but government backed that everyone will have the right to purchase. If you choose not that is your own decision and it may work out or it may bankrupt you. But you would be guaranteed an option.

So what would I want to see? Let’s have the universal access to catastrophic care as well as better regulation on what defines a preexisting condition. Make it easier to transfer coverage from employer to employer knowing that one day we will have to scrap the whole employer model anyway and go to a market based approach. Go after the inefficiencies in the current system that were going to pay for the overall changes and just take that cost out of the system to begin with. Reform the malpractice laws to help reduce the costs as well. And take the time to get it right. All government plans go over cost and we are already at an unstable deficit level as it is. We can’t add more deficits into the system so whatever we do can’t add additional cost into the system.

I’d just like to wait until we had the Dow over 9,000 before we tried to undertake such a massive project. I’d be even happier if the Dow was over 10K at which point I would feel safe in saying that the economy was back in the right direction. But right now our main focus should be on the economy and double digit unemployment. Until that comes back under control we have some much more serious issues on the table.

Wednesday Night Music Club: Also, under my medical plan The Polyphonic Spree will be located in every hospital.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast

8:00 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from the political wing of Battling the Current headquarters for another in the weekly editions of the Barack Obama press conference. For the record, in 100 days we have had three press conferences and one address to congress. That is a little bit of overkill don’t you think? Also, when the president enters the room I would think that instead of Hail to the Chief we should have a funk band playing the president in and out. We need to bring the presidency in to the 21st century.

8:03 P.M.: Yes, your president just reminded you to cover your mouth when you cough. We are also reminded to look both ways before you cross the street, put on a sweater and to remember to wear clean underwear.

8:08 P.M.: It would be nice if someone could explain to me exactly why this hundred day milestone is considered so important. It really is just a random number that is chosen because it happens to be a nice, round number. Sure, it is nice to have a milestone but it really is rather meaningless.

8:10 P.M.: I do love the fact that we are essentially asking whether we should start looting in response to the flu. Hopefully at some point we will be given the official notice to begin panicking. And despite the fact that my company has decided to officially allow us to wear surgical masks in the office (I’m not making that up. I got an email on it this afternoon.) I still don’t think this is the right time. And again, he is telling us to wash our hands.

8:16 P.M.: I still think that we could solve all of Detroit’s problems by adding giant tail fins to all new cars. Wouldn’t you buy a new car if it came with awesome tail fins? And can we add in a pair of fuzzy dice with every new purchase? Either that or one of those Playboy bunny air fresheners.

8:20 P.M.: The torture debate is one of those strange ones in terms of logic. Now I am against torture as I am a firm believer in that the US needs to be based on justice and not vengeance. I also am not entirely sold that torture is very effective in providing information without causing damage on many fronts. But here is the issue. We say torture is wrong. We state that waterboarding is torture. We admit that we waterboarded. But we do not prosecute the people who did so because it was legal at the time. So in essence, torture is illegal unless we say it isn’t. I still haven’t wrapped my head around that one.

8:24 P.M.: When did everyone decide to change the pronunciation of Pakistan. It used to be Pack-istan and now it is Pa-kiss-stan. It’s like the president is trying to sound British or something. I’m more concerned in this matter than in our foreign policy strategy in the region.

8:30 P.M.: For those people who are not from Pennsylvania (or from Delaware after having realized that there is no local news network in the entire state of Delaware) here is the main reason why Arlen Spector switched parties. Arlen is up for reelection in 2010 and in the polls against his likely republican primary opponent he is losing by something like 15 points. It is easier for him to be reelected by changing his party to Democrat without changing the way he would vote on any single issue.

8:34 P.M.: Woo hoo! A Notre Dame shout out! Oh, it is about the commencement speech. As several people have asked me about this as a Notre Dame alum and as a catholic here is my stance on it. I have no issue with Obama speaking and I also have no issue with any of the protests that will occur. I do consider it an honor that the president is speaking at my school as it has been in the past when it has occurred. But I also believe in the power of free speech and the ability to speak your mind. So when Bush spoke there were protests and when Obama speaks there will be protests. It would have been nice if during his answer he would have mentioned Notre Dame at all instead of just providing his campaign spiel.

8:43 P.M.: Swine Flu Fun Fact # 47: Much like Turkey Bacon is the healthy but less tasty version of regular bacon the Turkey Flu will give you many of the same symptoms as the swine flu at a slightly higher cost but in the end you will still feel like something is missing.

8:48 P.M.: Dear God is this boring. After a full day in the office listening to an hour of policy talk is just horrendous. I hate to say this but even I can understand how American Idol would be viewed as more exciting than this. Sure, I’ll take this over another episode of According to Jim but then again I would lose a limb as opposed to have to watch that show again.

8:56 P.M.: Ok, I’m going to call it a night. Remember to drink your orange juice! And for the love of God, floss!

Wednesday Night Music Club: Ok, I must give Comcast credit for listening to my online rants and at least offering to help. That is a level of customer service I was not anticipating. In honor of that I would like to go back to the good old days when we would complain about having 57 channels and nothing on. Now it is more like two hundred but the feelings are still the same.

Bruce Springsteen MTV Music

My Brush With History

I know a lot of people who have made big plans for the inauguration. They’ve bought plane tickets, booked hotel rooms and rescheduled their lives just to be one of the millions people in Washington. I, on the other hand, just waited for Obama and Biden to come to me. And they did because I’m just that freaking awesome.

A little backstory here. Obama and Biden decided to recreate Lincoln’s train ride into Washington (except without the secrecy and rumors of being disguised in women’s clothing) and start in Philadelphia. From there Obama would go to Wilmington where Biden would join them, getting on the train at the same station that he always goes to Washington from. That station just happens to be directly across the street from my apartment. Literally. I am looking at where they spoke as I write this.

This did mean that certain measures were going to be in effect. For one thing, they blocked off all the roads surrounding my apartment. I think I theoretically could have left my apartment Friday night but given what was closed I am really uncertain that I would have been able to get back in without having to drive to Baltimore and turn around. Also, when I woke up on Saturday morning I was greeted by armed Coast Guard craft traveling the river below me, military helicopters overhead, and men in black on rooftops probably wondering why I was standing so close to the window. It was awesome and disconcerting at the same time.



So this is what it looked like when they first let the crowd in. Everyone rushed for the best position while I stayed in my nice warm and cozy apartment drinking my morning coffee. Now some people did actually watch everything from my apartment building which I thought was kind of silly. I mean, the next president is a five minute walk away. You’d think that you would make the trek. But even I decided that it was better to stay warm for as long as possible until I had to venture into the cold.



Once I thought that the crowd was large enough I bundled up and made my way to the park. To do so I had to stand in line to go through security during which I was able to examine all of the street vendors. Because if there is one thing that screams “America” it is poorly constructed commemorative t-shirts. Also, there were an amazing amount of buttons for sale. I mean like a dozen people selling buttons (including one really cute girl from Arizona who I probably should have bought one from just for the conversation). This raises the question of when was the last time you actually saw someone wear a button. It seems like a product that has no meaning.



After making my way through security I scanned the area and picked my spot. Once I saw where the tv cameras were and where the stage was I found a spot where I could see the podium. There was a tree in my way but I was just tall enough to see the stage. Not that there was anything to see at the moment. That was going to take another hour. We did have some advance entertainment. The national anthem was sung by a small child named Nichodemus, a name that would prove quite ironic as this tale progresses. Then we had the typical array of politicians and speakers before the big guns arrived.



Biden took the stage first (look to the right of the stop sign). He was introduced by the Amtrak conductor who would take him to Washington on a daily basis as a senator. It was actually a really nice speech by the conductor talking about how Joe was always for the common man. Joe took the stage and joked about the times that he called the station to let them know that he was only two lights away and to hold the train for him. That isn’t exactly a common man sort of thing to do but I’ll let it slide. Then it was time for the reason we were all here.



(Look to the right of the lamppost. Apologies for the quality here but I was shooting blind. I lifted my camera as high as I could and shot in the general direction of the stage.)

Obama took the stage and I actually had a view of him. I was probably between 30 and 50 yards from the stage so I was close enough to have a good look. We started by singing happy birthday to his wife and then we, well, I would like to say that we listened to his speech. To be honest I can’t really remember anything he said. I do recall trying like mad to take a picture (like everyone else in the crowd), being jostled by eight thousand people trying to get a better look, and, well, I’ll let the picture explain.



Yeah, a portion of the crowd was yelling at the little girl in the pink jacket to get out of the damn tree so we could see. I wouldn’t say that it was my proudest moment as a citizen but if you stood out in the cold you would want to see everyone that you could. Actually, this is probably the best picture that I got out of the bunch as if you look left of the stop sign you could see everyone waving.

Now this wasn’t a momentous speech or even a very crowded one. Nothing spectacular happened and outside of the people who were there no one will remember it. But I’ll have to admit that I got a little choked up as I walked in and looked around. It is quite an amazing sight to be surrounded by thousands of people who just want to cheer for a man who gives us hope that the future may be better than the present. That for once we have elected a candidate based on the promise of their potential. I was lucky beyond belief to be able to have such an experience in my front yard.

After it all ended and I started to make my way back home they played the following song over the loud speakers. I smiled my biggest smile of the night. It just showed that Obama was bringing Chicago to the White House. Who else would use Wilco as part of his official theme music.



(I know I promised a dating story this weekend. Don’t worry. It’s coming tomorrow and trust me, you will not want to miss this one.)

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cowboy Junkies “Onesoulnow”
2) The Iguanas “Live at Wolf Trap”
3) The Pogues “The Ultimate Collection”
4) U2 “Zooropa”
5) Beth Orton “The Other Side of Daybreak”

This Land is Our Land!

As many of you know, I have been watching the political scene in my former home very closely over the past several weeks. The corruption and arrogance evident amongst our elected officials is too much to behold. Never have I seen such a mistreatment of the public trust. As a result I feel that it is my duty to lead the charge to make a change in the way our great land is governed. I ask all citizens to join with me on this cause.

We must impeach Mayor McCheese!



For too long we have been complacent in our acceptance of his governing practices. We elected him on his promise of bringing law and order to our streets. We cheered when he announced that Officer Big Mac would lead the crime reduction task force. But are we any safer now than we were when he was elected? Captain Crook and his band of pirates still menace our fishing fleet and constantly raid our ships loaded with imports from the Tartars. Even more concerning is the continual threat to our society known only by the name “The Hamburglar”. This criminal makes even the strongest citizen scared to venture onto the city streets for fear of being robbed by a masked lunatic. Have Mayor McCheese and his flunky Officer Big Mac captured this repeat criminal? Of course not as all of our tax dollars that were meant to go towards the hiring of additional police forces have been diverted in order to “make meal time a more joyous occurrence.”

Let us not forget his domestic policy. We all remember Mayor McCheese’s disastrous press conference during The Great McRib Panic of 2005.



Never before has an elected leader been so negligent in such a trying time. We all knew that the food supply was too dependent on the McPorcine and that any natural disaster in the agricultural region would have horrible consequences. It is why every spring they would have the annual Faux Gras celebration as the entire area had a conscious understanding that their entire lifestyle could be wiped out in an instant. But did McCheese see the warning signs? No, he watched idly as days passed while rioters and looters roamed the streets looking for one last packet of sauce. Why wasn’t Birdie the Early Bird placed in charge of the early warning system as all of the experts recommended? It was a case of criminal neglect of the highest source.

Then there is the threat from foreign sources. The Burger King has been amassing forces for years, always threatening to invade our peaceful land. An insurgent terrorist element has been planting Jack in the Boxes across our fair city. And I shiver when I hear the garbled messages of the one they call Wendy. Has Mayor McCheese done anything that makes you sleep soundly at night? Are we more secure knowing that the Fry Guys are on patrol? I think not.

Now I know that many will claim that this is driven more from a disagreement with Mayor McCheese’s lifestyle. While many people have issue with the Mayor and his life partner Grimace I do not fall in that group. I feel proud that I live in a land where someone can be elected leader regardless if their spouse is male, female or an amorphous purple blob. I also do not discount the Mayor’s accomplishments. Thanks to his appointing of Uncle O’Grimacy as ambassador we now have secured a year round shipment of Shamrock Shakes. He instituted the space program providing us with our national hero CosMc. But these successes have been few and far between and our government is now a greasy slab of disease due solely to his leadership.

So let us rise up and retake our government! There is only one person who can save us from catastrophe!



Help us Ronette. You are our only hope.

So I was reading the paper the other day...

Due to all of my childhood recollections there are a great number of serious news stories that I have neglected to comment upon in the past week or so. I’ll try to catch up…

The Gov. Blagoevich Scandal: As I have been telling everyone for the past week: bribery is not a crime in Illinois so I don’t see what the big deal is. Who doesn’t get paid for a senate seat? And if the Children’s Hospital wants some additional funding I see nothing wrong with them ponying up some additional cash for the old campaign fund. (That is the most insane part of the entire story. He blackmailed a freaking Children’s Hospital.) Even better is the picture of the Governor outside of his Chicago home next to a sign promoting “Rat Catching” services.

I really didn’t think he would last the week but it now looks as if we are in for a long haul of impeachment hearings, court cases and nothing happening in the state until we can finally get him out of office. I really want to understand his mindset. Even if he is not convicted his political career is over. So instead of stepping aside he decides to fight to the end and take the entire state down with him. Maybe common sense will hit him at some point like a flying shoe. Speaking of which…

The shoe throwing incident: Others have written about this and I will have to agree. I have no love loss for this president. I started the blog after he was reelected and I will be glad to see him out of office. The state that the country is in right now is his legacy. But even with that, I am disgusted by the way that this was immediately treated as a joke. A “look at the wacky hijinks Bush has gotten himself into this time” type of thing like a sketch on a bad comedy show. He is the leader of my country, the most powerful nation on the planet. We are a country that does not bow our flag to any world leader. We stand with pride and honor at all times. But now our president has been reduced to ducking shoes like some honcho of a banana republic (either the nation or the clothing store). I’m ashamed and disgusted by the act.

Simply Red releases a Greatest Hits CD: I saw this a little while back. I know of only one Simply Red song. I can’t actually name it but I know that they had one song. Now they apparently have twenty tracks for a Best of disc. This astounds me. I couldn’t believe that anyone would want one tack, much less twenty. Or even remember who they are. That is marketing for you.

Whopper Perfume: For those of you who are like me and are desperately seeking to find that perfect gift for that special someone in your life I direct you to go to your nearest Burger King and pick up a bottle of Eau d’Whopper. I am not making this up. Some of the people at Burger King came up the idea of a scent of “flame broiled goodness” called Flame and they are actually selling it. So if you like your women smelling like grease and looking like they are available on the dollar menu here is your best opportunity.

This just tops the Penn State fragrance that was all released this month. Because even Mystery can’t compete with Joe Pa.

Space Shuttles for Sale: Ok, I am going to call upon my financing team to work with me on this one. I know the markets are tight but this might be the best thing ever in terms of impressing women. I originally thought that buying Bjorn Borg’s Wimbledon trophies would be the smartest move I could make (bring a woman back to your place, have her see the trophies and when she asks go, “Oh, I won Wimbledon a few years back.”) but this would top it. Some guys buy a sports car for their mid-life crisis. I buy a freaking space shuttle.

Of course, once I purchase it a few improvements will need to be made. Racing stripes for one. A kick ass stereo system and some hydraulic jacks will also be added. To pay for it I’ll get MTV to film it as a series called “Pimp My Space Shuttle”. Xzibit probally could use the work.

Publishing note: I’ll post another Kansas City dating story over the weekend as a treat for those of you who do check the site. I think I’ll tell the story of my introduction to the Kansas City scene. It is definitely worth checking out.

A more perfect union

[Stands on slightly smaller soapbox this time]

“Support your country at all times and your government when it deserves it.” Mark Twain

Through a series of events that I still do not quite comprehend I have found myself living in Delaware, the first state. While it is nice to know that I am in a place that can process paperwork quickly it is nicer to know that I am a short drive from Philadelphia. After all of the events of the past week I felt that it was time for me to go and pay my respects to the place where our country was founded and reflect on how far we have come.

When you think about it we are still an incredibly young nation. We only declared independence a little over 230 years ago. Held against the history of countries such as Greece or England or China we pale in comparison. We are a nation founded by people who left for an unknown land, who built a government based on a dream they weren’t sure was obtainable and then melded it over the centuries as people from around the world immigrated with the hope that this would be the place that they dreamed of. When the words “a more perfect union” were written here that is what they were striving for. Our government may not be flawless but that is what we hope to achieve.

It has been a tough time for those of us who believe in those words. Who go through every day drawing upon “the better angels of our nature.” The government of my country was operating in a way that went against everything that I held dear. I did not believe that I would see the day when we went to war on false pretenses and those that raised their voices in protests were shouted down as being unpatriotic. I could not imagine a government sponsoring torture and imprisonment without charges. I have always felt that the United States should stand for justice and not vengeance. But on the world stage that is precisely what we seemed to represent.

But what struck me most was the sense of darkness and fear that permeated the country. One of the pictures above is from an art exhibit outside the National Constitution Center. In it, they had for each president an eye chart based on the frequency various words appeared in the State of the Union address. What I took was a picture of President Bush’s and it proves my point. Terror, Iraq, Al Qaeda, Homeland, Regimes, Murder these were the words that were most used in addressing the nation. We became a nation of fear. Fear of attack, fear of war, fear of the unknown. We became a nation that stayed home at night, locked behind three deadbolts, nervous at the slightest sound. That wears on a society. While we must be on guard and we must protect ourselves and our interests we cannot become a nation that is scared of its own shadow.

That is the reason why I believe Obama won so convincingly. We no longer wanted to be governed by fear. That is why there was such blowback when Palin brought up William Ayers. We did not want a political campaign filled with personal attacks and fear mongering. We want to have hope for the future. To think that the next four years may be a return to what we have always hoped for the country to be. Obama is an outsider, though a politician nonetheless. It is why he defeated Clinton in the primaries as we did not want to have the presidency rest in the hands of the same two families for over twenty years. We wanted someone with a fresh insight and conviction and, as corny as it sounds, someone to believe in.

And maybe the first positive statement that we can make about his presidency is not that he has become the first African American to be elected president but that throughout the campaign his race did not appear to be a factor. It seemed to be an afterthought as though his candidacy transcended race. His presidency does not mean that racism no longer exists, as it certainly does and will remain our nation’s original sin, but it means that the words “all men are created equal” now take on a truer meaning. That alone speaks volumes.

On Wednesday morning we did not awake to a world of rainbows and unicorns. We awoke to a dreary world with a faltering economy and an overtaxed military. As I sighed with relief on election night that I could now support my country and my government it dawned on me that the election was the easy part. Now is where all the hard work begins. It will not be easy but I have faith in the country again. All because of the following image.

The most amazing sight from election night was that of people dancing in the streets in celebration. I’m still amazed that we can change governments through an election. That everyone, educated and uneducated, gets a single vote to decide who is the best for the future and then that person is placed in charge. No tanks, no presidents for life, just a simple count of hands. But as cynical and blasé as we might become to the process it is still amazing. And instead of just accepting the news, instead of the riots that people feared, all that occurred Tuesday night was celebration. It is a victory of reclaiming our own nation. Now we can only hope that we truly form that more perfect union.

[Packs up soapbox]

Best of 120 Minutes: Going back to very, very early R.E.M. for this one. I still list Murmur as one of my Desert Island Discs mainly because I have yet to figure out what any of the songs actually mean. At least I would have something to study while living on coconuts and the occasional fish.

R.E.M. MTV Music

The five random CDs for the week (and ending the random CD project, to be elaborated on further later this week):
1) Cat Power “The Covers Record”
2) Death Cab for Cutie “Narrow Stairs”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Summerland”
4) Josh Rouse “Best of the Rykodisc Years”
5) Old Crow Medicine Show “EUTAW”

The team from my general geographic region is better than yours

So I had to drive around Pennsylvania today and I would like to say one thing about this part of the country. Apparently in the several hundred years that people have lived here no one has ever thought of straight roads, signposts or streetlights. Seriously, every road is a two lane, curving deathtrap in which it is just assumed that you know that you are supposed to turn on the dirt road to get where you are going. Yes it is pretty and all but for crying out loud just cut down some of the damn trees and let me get to where I need to go. It isn’t that difficult.

It is sad but if you ask me what I miss most about Kansas City my response would be straight roads and convenient parking. I do this my friends and my trivia games a lot but oh what I would give for parking lots filled with nice, empty spaces. Spaces that you don’t have to pay for, either.

(And of course, congrats to the Phillies. I’d be celebrating but it is not like I have any emotional investment in the team. I just got here and since I do live in another state I haven’t even heard any cries of jubilation. So apologies for no in depth analysis of the game or anything even though it would be nice if every game only lasted three innings.)

I did watch the Obama infomercial which aired over most of your favorite stations. It is a daring move, replacing normal programming with a campaign ad, but it did result in a show that was more entertaining than The New Adventures of Old Christine. Admittedly so is a test pattern but still, I have to say they did a good job with it. You always have to be worried about tone in one of those ads. It can’t be too pompous or appear to be a victory speech. It had to be straightforward and it was.

To me the most interesting thing is what wasn’t said. There wasn’t a single reference to McCain or even the opposition in general. While they attacked the policies of the past eight years it was not framed in a truly negative manner. Much of the talk was about hope and about bringing the country together. This is in stark contrast to the McCain ads that ran immediately afterwards that had stark black and white images and tried to imply that Obama is pure evil.

While negative ads have their place and they do work I think McCain has really made a mistake in going so negative. It is not a question that Obama does not have flaws that need pointing out. He certainly does. The problem is more of a misreading of the current state of the American culture. We as a people are tired. We’ve had seven years of wars including five of which are in a place we realized we never needed to invade in the first place. Over the past few months the economy has fallen apart and we are all significantly poorer than before. And more than anything our government has gotten mean and opaque. Lots of hidden agendas and secrets that when released go against what most people stand for. We don’t want attacks and negativity. We want solutions and hope for a better tomorrow. That is why Obama’s message has resonated so strongly in the past two years. Right now the country needs an emotional leader as much as a practical one and that is what he is best at. Why the Republicans have stayed so negative I’ll never understand.

Wednesday Night Music Club: I hate to say this but thank you MTV. Some of you may know but MTV just launched www.mtvmusic.com, which is essentially just all of their videos in a YouTube format. More importantly from my standpoint they are a lot more open to embedding videos. Hence, I can finally post a Jeff Buckley video to my blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for years. Pretty much the entire purpose of this blog is to keep Jeff’s memory alive.

Jeff Buckley MTV Music

A time for change

[Steps on soapbox]

[Realizes that he has never actually seen a soapbox before and now decides to stand on a large mound of Irish Spring 4-packs]

More than anything this blog was started four years ago in response to a bumper sticker I saw in the parking lot of my office. I was working in Kansas at the time for reasons that have never been quite clear. While stumbling my way through the garage in order to spend another soul draining eight hours in a cubicle I saw on a truck the following statement: “Ten out of ten terrorists agree: Vote Democratic.”

To say that this bothered me does not do it justice. If it wasn’t for the fact that I hold the first amendment above all else I probably would have taken out his rear window with a five iron. There is a reason why the founding fathers made the freedom of expression the preeminent right of all citizens. We have the God given right to speak our mind no matter how idiotic those statements may be. And that statement, offhandedly contending that anyone with opposing views is a terrorist, just struck me to my core. My main thought wasn’t that I was upset for finding myself in a red state or that my company was filled with people who I could not on any level agree with. No, reading that bumper sticker made me ashamed to be a human being.

At the time I had hoped that the country would come around to my point of view. To see that intolerance and bigotry and close-mindedness was not the solution. Instead Bush defeated Kerry and immediately after the election I launched this site and named it Battling the Current because one of my main points was that I was battling the current nature of our society. I looked out at what was around me and couldn’t believe that we had all allowed ourselves to live in such a dare I say hostile fashion. My goal has been to document a world gone wrong.

Without a doubt the last four years and more accurately the last eight have been that of a nation on the wrong track. While I could understand a war for oil I could not believe that we would ever fight a war on false pretenses with no concept of what the results might be. I never imagined that my government would condone torture and ignore the tenets of justice that our country was founded out. And I don’t believe that I will ever forgive an administration that allowed the people of New Orleans to suffer helplessly while they stood by and watched. Those were not actions that represented the country I believed in, the country my relatives came to in order to start anew, the country my relatives fought to protect.

This is the main reason why I am supporting Obama for president. I have been watching his career for several years (the benefit of being from Illinois) and what has struck me the most about him is the fact that he has made me proud to be an American. He represents what this country could be. When I watched him make his speech at the Old State Capitol declaring his intent to run for president it was the first time I had ever truly been moved by a political speech. Listening to him talk you are struck by this sense of hope and this feeling that we can have our country back.

Obama is not perfect, of course. He is a politician to be sure. There are flaws with some policies and others would never be practical. But that is true of all politicians. What I want right now is someone who will bring a sense of peace and sensibility to the country. Someone who we can look up to with a sense of pride. I truly feel that Obama is that man.

The election is in nine days. All I ask of anyone is that they vote. I don’t care who you vote for. If you vote for McCain (whose life story does deserve admiration) so be it. If you vote for Nader, well, have a wheatgrass smoothie on me. But this is as important of an election as I have ever seen. A down economy, a country at war abroad and with itself, all of which must be addressed if we are to become the shining city on the hill that we long to be. Vote for the candidate who can bring us closer to that dream.

[Steps off the teetering remains of a malformed hill of lower quality cleansing bars]

Best of 120 Minutes: Given my essay I felt that the only person who can follow it is one of my idols, Joe Strummer. Speak truth to power at all times.



The five random CDs for the week
1) The New Pornographers “Challengers”
2) Various Artists “The Return of the Grievous Angel”
3) Sufjan Stevens “The Avalanche”
4) Jack Johnson “On and On”
5) Jon Dee Graham “Swept Away”

Joe the Plumber: Threat or Menace?

More than a few notes to end the week and I’ve just been in a list kind of mood.

1) In shocking news, I read today that Joe the Plumber is not a licensed plumber. So in fact he has been operating as some sort of black market criminal; unclogging toilets and installing drains in full violation of existing codes. This might put a crimp on his business plans but he still could rely on the slogan “Joe the Plumber: Because the fate of the nation rests in his greasy hands.”

2) Can I just say how upset I still am on the whole Joe the Plumber thing? Really this is the symbol of just how horribly the democratic system in America has fallen. We have gone from the Jeffersonian ideal of candidates discussing wide ranging issues impacting the future of the nation to two people sniping at each other as to how their policies will effect one person who, because his name is incorrectly filled out on his voter registration card, might not actually be eligible to vote. But this might have been part of McCain’s plan of winning the election one voter at a time.

3) Switching gears, Leanne won Project Runway!!!! Finally, my favorite contestant won a season of the show. True, Christian was the best designer last year but I just liked Chris Marsh better. Leanne was not only super cute in a Pacific Northwest granola type of way but she also put together a great collection. True, all of the pieces had the same waves and structural patterns in them but they were all different and cohesive. Even better, while you knew that there was an insane amount of work behind them they all seemed so natural and you could imagine a real person wearing the outfits. As opposed to Kenley’s massive shoulderpad designs.

4) There was only one thing that could have made the ending of the show better. After they announced Leanne the winner I would have loved it if she immediately turned around to Kenley and yelled “Scoreboard bitch!” That would have been an ending.

5) In retrospect, there is only one other note that I would like to make to the debate live blog. During the abortion portion of the debate I would have immediately pledged my vote to either candidate if he would have pledged “Abortions for some, small American flags for others.” Ah, I remember Emperor Kang. Now there was a leader you could trust.

6) Here is the strange thing about living in Wilmington, Delaware. When you write out a check to pay your credit card bill you suddenly realize that you are literally mailing it down the street. I feel like I should just stop by and pay them in cash or something. Well, that is not the only strange thing about living in Wilmington. Waking up every morning, realizing that you are in Delaware and struggling with exactly why you are there is also a bit of a disconcerting experience.

7) Best idea for a Halloween costume I have heard yet: a flip cup game. Just wear a table around your neck, place some plastic cups on the table, and challenge all comers to a game. I’ll probably just grab my backpack and put on my matching red and white striped shirt and hat and go as Waldo again.

8) I’d like to wish a happy Sweetest Day to my….to my….ok, applications for the position of Sweetie are available upon request. Please form an orderly queue. Seriously, I’m very close to creating a match.com profile just because I think it would be funny.

Let's Play the Feud!

9:05 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from Battling the Current election headquarters for the third and final debate between John McCain and Barrack Obama. Joining me tonight is Republican spokesman Stuffed Dilbert Doll, Democrat spokesman Snake Eyes Action Figure and Green Party spokesman Ralph Nader.

9:06 P.M.: I’m not kidding, for twenty bucks and a veggie burger I got Ralph Nader to come over to my apartment and watch the debate and try to persuade me to waste my vote. He even brought beer. Not good beer, mind you, and I really don’t need to be told that my hops have not been genetically altered, but beer nonetheless.

9:08 P.M.: As always here is the drill. I will watch the debate and write down my witty remarks as they come to me. Barring that I will just start making fun of people in the crowd. And yes, I’m doing this on a slight tape delay as my workout went a little long but given that I completed a Level 9 hill climb on the treadmill I really don’t care.

9:10 P.M.: The goals for the two candidates tonight. Obama: Don’t screw up. McCain: Fix the economy and make George Bush likable in ninety minutes. Hofstra gets to host the debate. This is the biggest event at Hofstra since…since…that awesome kegger in 1993?

9:14 P.M.: The rules are simple. One fall to a finish. This is thunderdome. Two men enter. One man leaves.

9:16 P.M.: I’d really like to know what McCain is writing down on his yellow legal pad. Schieffer has barely started talking and he is scribbling away. Also, I need to say something about Nancy Reagan and since she was mentioned here is my chance. It is sad that she fractured her pelvis in a fall but did you hear that it took her four days to go to the hospital for it? That is toughness.

9:17 P.M.: Shoot, I just lost a bet. Obama is wearing a red tie. Democrats always wear a blue tie. I thought it was a law or something. McCain is in blue. Apparently we are in bizaro world tonight.

9:21 P.M.: Well I was just lectured on a plumber’s business plan. Apparently the entire U.S. economy is based around a guy named Joe. He’s received more airtime tonight than most senatorial candidates. And to be honest I don’t care about a guy named Joe. Though it is nice that Obama said he is willing to pay more taxes.

9:28 P.M.: Someone should tell Obama that education helping the young drive us into the 21st century when we are already in 2008. Technically this is the 21st century. And McCain just lost Iowa by saying that he opposes ethanol tarrifs. Also, if McCain knows how to cut spending why has he kept it a secret?

9:30 P.M.: For those wondering, that planetarium projector in Chicago is for the Adler Planetarium, one of the premier museums in the city and therefore the country. So it is not like we spent three million on some junior college somewhere. It’s part of the museum campus for crying out loud.

9:35 P.M.: The fact that Fox News is used as a reference for a laugh line is a sad statement on the state of the press. It’s correct but sad nonetheless.

9:38 P.M.: Interesting to note that McCain hasn’t denied any of the negative remarks that were stated in his campaign ads. That said neither did Obama and any time one uses the phrase “100% of your ads have been negative” you know they are wrong. Obama is missing on some points here.

9:42 P.M.: Again with Joe the Plumber! Snake Eyes: What is your opinion on this new front?

9:43 P.M.:

9:44 P.M.: Maybe hiring Snake Eyes as a spokesman wasn’t the wisest move.

9:46 P.M.: So in nine minutes of discussing negative campaigns all we did was have both candidates launch negative attacks on each other. We might as well have had Texas Death Match rules instituted.

9:52 P.M.: Ooh, a running mate question. This is going to be good. Hopefully we get some good Palin jokes out of this. Or at least a few more references to the hellhole that is Scranton.

9:54 P.M.: Uh, no, we don’t know Sarah Palin. You need to do interviews for people to know who you are. I still can’t figure out how being an outsider qualifies you to be vice-president. That implies that any random person taken off the street could be made veep with no issues.

9:58 P.M.: Personally I would like to have questions on climate control. Given the work that Cobra has done in that regard (after the successful completion of the Serpentor project) I believe that is an important topic to explore.

10:02 P.M.: Even though the economy is absolutely crap it is nice to have both candidates talking about energy policy when you work in the energy industry. True, I have to wait until after the election to figure out what direction we are going in but at least either way business should be good.

10:09 P.M.: Just once I would like to see a candidate when asked about health care to answer “I will make placebos free for all! Every single American will receive placebos to ease their pain!” That will solve half our problems right there.

10:10 P.M.: Ah, McCain just took the “Kids today are just too fat” tact. Because the problem with the health care system is laziness. And please, for the love of God, can we stop talking about Joe the Plumber? I’m about to go to Ohio to find this guy and kick his ass.

10:15 P.M.: Question (funk dat): In what world does someone who makes more than $250K a year not rich? If you were able to buy your own company wouldn’t that imply that you are rather well off. I’m pretty confident that Joe is an arrogant prick.

10:27 P.M.: Yeah, I’ll just quiet on the whole abortion issue. Some things simply can’t be discussed without causing major arguments even when you don’t mean to.

10:29 P.M.: You know, if you made it a decent paying gig I might think about becoming a math teacher. It wouldn’t be that challenging a life and I’d get to go home at three in the afternoon. Wait, put away the video games? I’m not sure if I can support a candidate who is anti Grand Theft Auto.

10:42 P.M.: And that is it. I would call it another tie, maybe a little leaning to McCain. Oh, and after seeing a picture of Joe the Plumber I take back my threat to beat him up. He seems like a pretty tough guy. I still think this election is Obama’s and the democrats to lose. Not that that is out of the field of possibilities. We are talking about the democrats here. Anyway, time to catch up with my tape of Project Runway.

Wednesday Night Music Club: Technically this should be part of Best of 120 Minutes but there just isn’t enough Blake Babies music in this world. I need this at the end of the day.

I'm Tom Brokaw and you can all go to hell...

For those who are curious about the economy or more accurately my effect on a company here are some rather frightening statistics. Since I started working on September 2nd my company’s stock price has fallen by 32.5%. On the other hand, since I left Sprint its stock price has fallen by 32.7%. I haven’t decided if this indicates that the economy is in dire straits or if I am simply the kiss of death for companies in that even when I leave just the trace of my presence results in utter turmoil. I’ll keep everyone abreast of any further career moves so that they can alter their portfolios as necessary.

(Huh huh Beavis, abreast)

While I did not liveblog the debate (I will for the final one) I did watch the entire event and have more than a few comments to make on the whole show. Here they are, numbered for your reading pleasure.

1) Wow, I never thought that Tom Brokaw could be such a whiny bitch. “But we have time limits! And agreed upon rules!” Brokaw actually goofed up the flow of the debate by those little interjections. Neither candidate seemed to be upset about the other talking longer than required but the only time things got testy was when Brokaw decided to cut people off.

2) I only caught one guy in the crowd falling asleep during the debate. It would have been hysterical to see the camera pan during one of the speeches only to catch someone just dead out of it in the audience.

3) I’m not a big fan of the town hall style debates. First off, I’m not quite sure if the average American should be allowed to vote much less ask questions of the candidates. Then we have all of this walking around and faux sincerity where the fact that someone can remember the name of the person who was just introduced is considered to be a significant advantage. I’d much rather have an experienced journalist asking tough questions and forceful follow-ups.

4) Hey, remember eight years ago when the debates focused on lock boxes and whether or not we were all going to be rich or super-rich? Sigh. I miss those days. Think about this fact. We have gone through three debates and we have not had a single question on abortion. In fact, it is not even a campaign issue. I didn’t think I would ever see a presidential campaign where that issue never appears.

5) Back to the debate format. McCain, especially at the beginning, did an excellent job of connecting with the live audience. I can see how he thrives in that town hall format as he is better in that one on one interaction than one would ever expect. But he really suffers from the nature of television and his history of injuries. Because of his war wounds he moves rather jerkily and every step seems to emphasize his age. It hurts him even though it has nothing to do with his ability. Obama, on the other hand, fulfilled his main goal of looking presidential. The way he composed himself sitting down, walking the stage, referencing McCain, it was all done in a manner that showed poise and confidence. When people talk about wondering if someone is ready to lead they really aren’t referring to s set of experiences and well-earned skills. They more want to see someone who they will be comfortable listening to in a presidential address. Obama showed that last night.

6) Similar to that, I want to point out that Obama’s political ads might go down as some of the best in history. As I am within spitting distance of Pennsylvania I see a lot of ads (the three electoral votes that I control as the sole voter in Delaware are of less importance) and I am extremely impressed by his economic ones. They consist of Obama at a desk, mirroring the scene in the Oval Office, discussing his economic plan in detail and contrasting it to McCain’s. At the end he gives the “I approve this message” tag and then states exactly why he approves of it. The power of these ads are immense and I have not seen much commentary on them. First, he once again is positioning himself in a way that makes voters comfortable in accepting him as a political leader. He also states facts (or at least what are purported to be facts) and those details take slight precedence over hyperbole. But what it is more than anything is personal. This isn’t just an ad made by some Madison avenue team with a soundbite tossed in at the end. By the sole fact that he is on screen, giving this minute speech, not providing the same canned, required by law ending, you gain this strong personal connection to the candidate. I really feel that those might be the most important ads of the election.

7) Two fun TV moments. At one point while Obama was speaking you could see McCain walk behind him to talk to Brokaw and you had a momentary hope that he would punch him out. Then you had Brokaw whining at the end that the candidates were blocking his teleprompter.

8) Here is the final, telling moment of the debate and the election. Now I felt that the debate was a tie. McCain was better at the start, Obama better at the end, and no one made any real moves. Most of the polls showed it going to Obama by a wider margin than I would have thought. But the most important moment took place after the debate ended.

Apparently they handed out cameras to the audience members to take pictures of the candidates and the event after it was over. So while the candidates were shaking hands and relaxing you could see the audience taking pictures. Every camera was focused on Obama. People were standing up in order to get their picture taken with him. This is in a room of theoretically undecided voters and you could just sense that all eyes were on Obama. That is the biggest sign that the election is his to lose.

Now I’ll reiterate that I am a Chicago democrat and in no way can be considered unbiased. I’ll also state that I have immense respect for John McCain and have said in the past that he is the one republican who I felt that I could support. But this election seems to be turning into one for the democrats to lose rather than the republicans to win and that is a much different ballgame.

Wednesday Night Music Club: As I’ve mentioned recently, I’ve started working out again. What that means is that I find myself spending 45 minutes a night on a treadmill wondering exactly why I am doing this. The only thing that makes the time worthwhile is I get to listen to New Pornographers songs the entire time. Pretty much makes any endeavor worthwhile.

Yes, I have a question...

Given that Tuesday’s debate is going to be a Town Hall format in which the audience members will be allowed to pose questions to the candidates I feel that it is my civic duty to provide the people of Nashville with a base set of questions to have at the ready tomorrow evening. Please feel free to use any of these (though please reference Battling the Current and kcgatsby in the process)

· Given the current economic crisis at what point do you believe that we should begin to resort to cannibalism and if so, which senator do you feel should be the first to go in the pot?
· Based on what we have learned from the robots sent back in time to kill John Connor do you still support funding Skynet?
· For the greater good, would you use your power as president to force MTV to start playing music videos again?
· If hypothetically you were named Emperor as a result of the ongoing conflict with the Trade Federation would you use this as an opportunity to enact Order 66?
· Follow up question: When can we expect Wookie Life Day to be named a federal holiday?
· With all of our focus on terrorism centered around Al Qaeda aren’t we missing the more obvious home-grown terror threat posed by Cobra especially given their recent recruitment of Dr. Mindbender?
· How in God’s name does Vanderbilt have a better football team than Tennessee? I mean, what the hell?
· What would you do for a Klondike bar?
· Senator McCain, did you know who Governor Palin was when you chose her as your running mate or were you simply picking names out of a hat at that point?
· Do you believe that we could solve all of our existing foreign policy issues simply by naming Chuck Norris Secretary of Defense?
· Based on the current state of the country, would you agree with issuing a proclamation stating that everyone gets one week off in order to get their shit together?
· In an all out battle to the death who would in a conflict between the Smurfs and the Snorks?
· What was your favorite cartoon as a child? (I think I would actually want to know this.)
· If as president you were allowed to bring back one television show which one would it be?
· If I promised to vote for you only if the national anthem was changed to “Baby Got Back” would you do it?
· Given the high price of gasoline, will you finally remove the roadblocks keeping Mattel from releasing the hoverboards promised to us in Back to the Future Part Two?
· Do either of you truly believe that this debate is worth pre-empting The Biggest Loser?
· Can I get extra credit for watching the debate as well?

What makes a candidate (part two)

It is amazing what thoughts come to you at three in the morning. I awoke from a very strange dream and posed the following hypothetical question to myself. Let’s say that someone invented a machine that would record your dreams so that you could watch them over again on the internet. No more struggling over just what you saw; every instance would be recorded in a convenient digital format. However, not only would your dreams be recorded but they would be stored in what could only be described as DreamTube. The entire world could also see exactly what you saw as you slept. If this was the case would you sign up for the machine?

I think for the most part the answer would be no. Now it is true that I would give pretty much anything to reexamine my dreams (partly due to the fact that I get inspired by them and partly for the insight into my subconscious) but I don’t think I would want to open that up to outsiders. This is coming from someone who posts almost every detail about his life to a website every night. Plus, would you want to share every dream you have in which you are naked in a classroom? Would anyone have the courage to say “Here is what my dreams are like world. What do you think?” It’s an interesting thought experiment to say the least.

Anyway, I want to spend a little more time delving into the nature of political candidates. (Yes, I read the comment on last night’s post. It says something about America that I can no longer tell if that was an entirely sincere comment or if it was written in a post-ironic sense.) What I want to discuss are some of the things that a presidential candidate can not be.

The first rule is that they cannot be fat. Yes, Bill Clinton was overweight but I’m talking fat in the William Howard Taft sense of the term. The “could possibly get stuck in his own bathtub” criteria is one that voters could not overlook. It is strange given the obesity levels in the country but could you imagine a 300 pound presidential nominee. Just wouldn’t happen. Try to name a politician who meets that criteria and you would have to struggle. Given that politics is now a visual medium you have to present an image that works in that medium.

Another interesting area is the candidate’s religion. Now as opposed to even the recent past I don’t believe the actual religion of the candidate himself plays a great role. There was minimal issues about John Kerry being catholic (with most of it surrounding his pro-choice stance) and a little more about Joe Lieberman being Jewish but neither of those were major factors. Really, the only religious stance that I feel would be unelectable would be avowed atheists. It is interesting that in a country founded on religious freedom that this would be a major hangup. I just do not see the American population getting behind such a candidate, even though they would have no problem supporting a candidate who only pays lip service to religion. It isn’t a question of morals or ethics as those are not tied to religion. It is just that since so much of the country’s nature is tied to references to god that to actively not believe would prove to be a major hurdle.

I’ll end with a few of the other basic rules of presidential campaigns. It is always a benefit to be tall as historically the taller candidate wins the election. Height just plays better in terms of gaining respect and it shows when you watch the debates. Pay attention to things like posture and camera angles and how Obama’s height advantage creates a positive image of him for no reason other than the fact that he is tall. Also, have a short and recognizable name. Recent elections have gone to the candidate with the simpler last name. No one is sure why but it is actually true. Finally, always release your bad news on a Friday afternoon. No one watches the news on Friday night so you can get away with things.

What makes a candidate (part one)

I think I should state for the public record how incredibly grateful I am that I received a job offer when I did. Given that I sit on a trade floor and could literally watch the markets move on a second by second basis this afternoon the fact that I was sitting at a desk and not on my couch was a very comforting thought. True, the couch would be more comfortable but I have a feeling that I would be there a long time given where this market is headed.

Incredibly though, I actually received an email today asking if I had time for a job interview. What amazes me most is not that someone is hiring in this climate but that I was emailed given that I haven’t been actively searching for a job since I received this offer two and a half months ago. I understood the rejection email I received today but the very serious interview one was a bit of a pleasant shock. At least I am still a bit of a desired quantity.

Completely random note of the night: I have roughly a 35 minute commute to work. It dawned on me today that to my knowledge I do not pass a single stand alone McDonald’s on the entire trip. There might be one in the Wal-Mart I drive by but that would be it. That astounds me. During my 30 minute commute in KC I would pass at least three on the way. I can’t decide if this is a sign of a higher level of culture, a void of one of the true symbols of Americana or a massive business opportunity. I honestly can’t believe that there is any place in America where you could drive on major roads for half an hour and not pass a McDonald’s.

Switching gears to politics I need to write a bit about Sarah Palin in a way that I think the media has completely ignored. Now I’m not going to get into whether or not she is qualified to be vice president. She is so woefully unqualified that I am frightened at the very thought of her being on a ballot. I’m also not going to address the fact that she got schooled in an interview by Katie Couric, someone who spent decades talking mainly to Willard Scott. I’m not even going to try to explain how she could have come in second in the Miss Alaska competition given that there are like five women in the entire state. No, what I think her Achilles heel as a candidate really is is her accent.

As much as we all like to talk about how the US is a meritocracy the fact is that everyone has built in stereotypes and accent is one of the biggest. To use a British example, it’s how we consider someone like Christopher Hitchens with his Oxford accent to be a genius while the guys from Oasis with their Manchester drawl to be uneducated wankers. We connect accents with education. In the US, our political leaders typically have northeast accents, which imply Ivy League educations, or the plain, Midwestern accents of most television broadcasters.

No one questioned George H.W. Bush’s intelligence given his Connecticut accent while George W. Bush’s southern drawl helps to peg him as a moron (along with well, his policy decisions and a whole host of other factors). Bill Clinton had a bit of a southern drawl but only brought it out when he wanted to give an impression of “Aw shucks” and put the country at ease and get a laugh. When he needed to be serious it disappeared. Reagan with his Midwestern pipes and theatrical training was able to gain respect just based on his voice alone. Even both presidential candidates have solid voices. Obama has a combination Hawaiian / Ivy League tone that provides substance as well as an unusual quality while McCain has a well polished military demeanor.

Sarah Palin, on the other hand, sounds like one of the characters from Fargo or someone who stepped out of Strange Brew. She has that Canadian twang with a high pitch and a lot of “hey theres” and “you knows” as part of her vocal tics. To anyone outside of Upper Wisconsin and Minnesota the sound of her voice not only does not provide confidence but it is also rather annoying. It’s too high pitched and unsubstantial. This isn’t a shot at her because she is a woman. Hillary with her Chicago roots sounds like a politician. Palin sounds like someone’s mom and you aren’t looking for that in an executive.

Veepstakes

So I kind of feel like going off on a little political rant right now. If you disagree with my political views that is perfectly fine. Everyone is welcome to their own opinion. Except for the people who vote for Ralph Nader. I feel that we should drop all of them off on the nearest melting iceberg and be done with them. But this is just what is on my mind right now.

The McCain running mate selection has had me stunned for several days now. Now this is not for the reason that many of you would expect. Yes, even though I have been quoted as saying that this country has gone downhill ever since women were given the right to vote doesn't mean that I have a problem with a female candidate. I've voted for them and when they are the best candidate I support them fully. The problem is Sarah Palin is not the best candidate. To be honest, she may be the worst candidate I have ever seen on paper.

Let's start with her background pre-politics. Some may say that is not relevant but we put a lot of weight on McCain's military career so we should also focus on Palin's career as a...beauty contest contestant? We have a VP candidate who was almost Miss Alaska? Add to that the fact that she also worked as a sports broadcaster on the evening news where one of her major tasks was to discuss dog sledding and you begin to wonder just how those skills play into being a vice president.

But, as people have been saying, she has more executive experience than either Obama or Biden (or McCain based on this definition). That is true only in the sense that she has held an executive position in title while the others have been senators and led committees. And what executive experience she has had. The mayor of a town of less than 10,000 people. Two years as governor of one of the smallest states in terms of population. If they consider this executive experience I would have much rather seen Carly Fiorina be named the candidate. Running HP is a lot more challenging than running Alaska.

Then there is her great quote from a few months ago in which she states that she is not entirely sure what the vice president does. First off, anyone who took an eighth grade constitution class should know what the vice president does. You preside over the senate and are prepared to take over the presidency. You work as an advisor and go to funerals when required. If you state that in a television interview, knowing that such a statement will make you look foolish, you really can't be considered prepared for the job.

Now I'll be honest in that I am a lifelong democrat and a supporter of Obama throughout the election cycle. He is the first politician that has made me excited about the political process and the fact that we can have a better system than we have now. But I do admire John McCain for what he has done for the country. I disagree with his policies, some of which I outright hate, but the man has my utmost respect. But this decision would eliminate all doubts from my mind as to whether I could vote for him. It is just a completely wrong decision. It is clear pandering to female voters on the logic that they will vote solely based upon a candidate's genitals. This decision is so poor you wonder if it was made intentionally.