Gifts for people you secretly loathe

I know that I am far behind the pop culture bandwagon on this one but I have to give the Snuggie the Clapper Plus Memorial Award for most unnecessary enhancement to an existing product. As we all remember, last year saw the introduction of the Clapper Plus: the Clapper with a Remote. So just in case clapping your hands is too tiring for you there is now a handy remote option. The Snuggie may even top that as it is, for all intensive reasons, a blanket with sleeves sewn in.

Now let us examine your typical blanket. It is a rather functional piece of equipment. If Douglas Adams has taught us anything it is that a towel is the most important item in one's possession and a blanket is simply a larger, warmer towel. And since the dawn of mankind, when we realized that God made several animals out of very warm fur just so we could mercilessly slaughter them to stay warm at night, the blanket has been an entirely effective design. And, on those occasions when one's arms were cold you would simply place them under the blanket. True, that kept your hands out of sight but since you still knew that you had hands it really did not raise any alarms.

So with that in mind the Snuggie is designed for those people who believe that if they cannot in fact see their hands that they truly believe that their hands no longer exist. This is the first time in my life that the Ravenous Bugblater Beast of Traal has been used as the basis of product design. It is quite possibly the dumbest idea that I have ever seen. One of the reasons that they give on the commercial for this product is that it makes reading easier. I have two issues with this: 1) I have never had a problem operating a blanket and a book at the same time in my life and I have the dexterity of an intoxicated sloth and 2) I have a strong indication that the people who purchase this product do not read.

I can understand the attraction of certain products advertised on television. I own and use a George Foreman Grill as do all other single men. Even that Set It and Forget It rotisserie oven looks enticing at times, if by chance I would ever need to cook a medium sized turkey in an unappetizing manner I would probably by one. But I don't understand the Snuggie. And dont' get me started on the commemorative coin collections that have absolutely no connection to anything and therefor by definition have no value. Those things are just embarassing.

So for those of you who still need to get a Christmas gift please don't get a Snuggie. Do what I do and go to Walgreens instead. You can always find a Chia Pet, or my favorite the Chia Tree, at this time of year