The farther removed from Kansas City I find myself (both in terms of time and pure geographic distance) the easier it becomes for me to fill everyone in on all the stories that I would not tell on the grounds that they could come back to haunt me. Especially my tales of what is was like being single in that town. This story from my first few months in town pretty much encompasses what it was like for me during my five years there as well showcasing what I loved and absolutely hated about the city. It also was, until my last year in town, the highlight of my dating adventures in KC. Which, when you read the story, will indicate something rather amazing. Names have been kept the same because I am really too lazy to change them at the moment.
Now first off I need to explain two important things. The first is that Kansas City is notoriously bad for single people. Usually when they rank the 40 largest cities in the US KC falls somewhere around 38th in the rankings. A lot of people in town say that this is wrong and it is a great place to be single. That is because they are a) from the town, b) went to either Missouri, Kansas or Kansas State, and c) got married at 24. Because that is what the entire single scene in Kansas City consists of: people under 24 who went to one of three colleges and know each other from high school. My moving to town as a 30 year old alumnus of Notre Dame and Illinois who didn’t know a soul in the entire bistate area put me at a distinct disadvantage.
The other point is one about where I was at in my life when I moved to KC. I had just left Notre Dame after what was probably from a social perspective the most amazing few months of my life. I went to school as an incredibly shy person with little self esteem and came out as someone who was just having a blast with life and was at least going out with, if not technically dating, women. That was a huge accomplishment given where I started. But even with that I was miles from who I am now in terms of confidence in myself. (Sometimes I wish that people I met before could meet the person I am now. So many things could go differently.)
Anyway, so the first few months in town were spent going to various bars, talking to people and realizing that for the most part I was too old for the crowd. It is fun to talk to a 23 year old but as a 30 year old you begin to wonder if this is the right path to take. That and I was never really getting anywhere and I was missing all of the people I knew in South Bend. I hadn’t made a single friend who wasn’t a bartender and everyone I knew was drifting away and in one memorable instance did so by threatening to never speak to me again. So I was kind of adrift in a town I wasn’t quite sure I liked.
But I had at least found one place that I liked and that was Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, which was a small music club in town that was conveniently located a) two miles from my apartment and b) directly across the street from an adult book store. Very seldom do you find the perfect storm of alcohol, music and porn on one street corner but here it was. I quickly became a regular at shows and friends with the owner and staff. This fall night I was there to see Pieta Brown, a singer-songwriter that I had seen a few times before and quite liked.
(Side Pieta Brown story: At another concert I was introduced to Pieta by her step-mom Iris Dement, another singer I am a huge fan of. The fact that she introduced me in a tone of voice that said “this is a guy you should date” is still one of the highlights of my life.)
I was sitting at the bar before the show having a beer and watching a Johnny Cash tribute show on television. Next to me was this guy with two women, maybe a few years younger than me, also watching the show and we started talking about it and Pieta and life in general. Nothing specific, just general pre-concert bar banter. As the show is about to start we all walk over to the stage together. As we stand there mesmerized by the performance, Kristen, a cute blonde who I had talked to the most, turned to me and said a line that I have never forgotten
“If I wasn’t sweating right now I’d have chills.”
After the show we all returned to the bar for another round of drinks. Kristen and I continue talking and don’t even really notice that the other two had left. We spent time talking about all of the obscure music we loved: Neko Case, Kelly Willis, Kathleen Edwards, The Be Good Tanyas. All of those acts that I continually mention but no one has ever heard of because they’ve sold 2,000 CDs in their career. Well, we both were one of the 2,000 that had them and you could feel that connection. She told me of her career goal of being a museum curator while I mention my goal of writing my way out of a finance job. All of the while I am stunned at how amazingly well we are hitting it off. Everything was effortless, we had a ton in common and we both seemed to be two good souls who would get along well together. I swore to myself “Get her number, see her again, this is the first person you’ve met in this town that is worth dating.” Just as I was getting up the courage to ask for her number we had the following exchange:
Kristen: “Did you happen to see the score of the Kansas State game this afternoon?”
EC: “Yeah, K State won pretty handily.”
Kristen: “Good, my boyfriend will be happy. He was at the game.”
My heart fell out of my chest, slid down the left leg of my jeans, and bounced four times before coming to rest leaning against the Golden Tee machine. Finally I had met someone and hit it off and it ends before it starts. Even Kristen seemed rather disappointed in that she had to tell me this because she knew it was going to end the conversation. It was as if she had to sigh before she said it and I had to bite my tongue in order to not yell, “Want to date me instead? I know I’ve never met your boyfriend but given that he went to K State I’d put money on the fact that I am better than he is. Unless for some reason you are really, really fascinated by corn.” Instead I just politely continued the conversation while silently cursing my life. We said goodbye without exchanging numbers but saying that we will see each other around. Given our musical tastes it was certain that we would.
Which we did five days later when I ran into her and her boyfriend Bill, who was a really nice guy, at a bar. Just randomly ran into her and she introduced me as “the guy I was telling you about from Saturday night.” This then led to us meeting each other roughly every four months for the next several years. Whether it was in Kansas City or Lawrence, at a Ditty Bops show or a Robert Earl Keen concert, we would continually run into each other. There are two stories in particular of our random meetings that I have to share.
The first took place at a Lucinda Williams show at the Voodoo Lounge at Harrah’s Casino. I hate casino shows because almost no one is there for the music and the dregs of humanity you see in the buffet line really does not put you in the mood for a concert. They also seem to have no sense of timing as while I got to the show at ticket time the opening act had apparently started a half hour earlier. As a result there were no seats on the floor so I snuck up to the balcony and sat in the very last row. Fifteen minutes later, out of a crowd of maybe 800 people, Kristen and Bill randomly show up and sit next to me and we all act as though this is perfectly normal. I’ve called people to meet me at shows and have had a harder time finding them. We didn’t even have each other’s numbers and for some reason we always found ourselves next to each other.
The other took place at a time when I completely did not expect it. Being a single guy who works I spend much of my weekends running all the errands I ignore during the week. That means trips to Walgreens to get all of the things you need to keep an apartment clean. So on this day I was running around with dishwasher detergent, Kleenex and a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner in my hand when I turn a corner and run straight into Kristen and Bill. It is incredibly difficult to have a meaningful conversation while holding toilet bowl cleaner in your hands. Especially when the one thing you want to say is, “Will you please break up with him so I can go out with you? Seriously, it’s been three years since I’ve met you and you are still the coolest person I’ve found in this town. Look, I’m willing to scrub my toilet for you. Hell, I’ll scrub yours if it would help.”
But no such luck. Every time I saw them it was Kristen and Bill. Don’t know what happened to them (I’m not sure if I ran into them when I knew I was leaving town.) I hope they are married and living a perfectly happy life. It wasn’t until I was set to leave town that I met someone who topped her. But that is a story for another day.
Kansas City is a tough town for an outsider. Everyone knows each other and seems to have no need for additional people in their lives. People couple early and being by yourself leaves you ostracized. By being a smaller city I could enjoy a music scene that allowed me to see everyone I wanted without having to drive more than a few miles though it would mean that I would see the same faces around town day after day after day. And that is what the Kristen story is all about. We never dated, I never got her number, hell, I never even knew her last name. But she was a constant in my life and a sign that there were women in KC who were worth dating. You just had to find them during the five minutes that they didn’t have a boyfriend.
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