So I was reading the paper the other day...

Due to all of my childhood recollections there are a great number of serious news stories that I have neglected to comment upon in the past week or so. I’ll try to catch up…

The Gov. Blagoevich Scandal: As I have been telling everyone for the past week: bribery is not a crime in Illinois so I don’t see what the big deal is. Who doesn’t get paid for a senate seat? And if the Children’s Hospital wants some additional funding I see nothing wrong with them ponying up some additional cash for the old campaign fund. (That is the most insane part of the entire story. He blackmailed a freaking Children’s Hospital.) Even better is the picture of the Governor outside of his Chicago home next to a sign promoting “Rat Catching” services.

I really didn’t think he would last the week but it now looks as if we are in for a long haul of impeachment hearings, court cases and nothing happening in the state until we can finally get him out of office. I really want to understand his mindset. Even if he is not convicted his political career is over. So instead of stepping aside he decides to fight to the end and take the entire state down with him. Maybe common sense will hit him at some point like a flying shoe. Speaking of which…

The shoe throwing incident: Others have written about this and I will have to agree. I have no love loss for this president. I started the blog after he was reelected and I will be glad to see him out of office. The state that the country is in right now is his legacy. But even with that, I am disgusted by the way that this was immediately treated as a joke. A “look at the wacky hijinks Bush has gotten himself into this time” type of thing like a sketch on a bad comedy show. He is the leader of my country, the most powerful nation on the planet. We are a country that does not bow our flag to any world leader. We stand with pride and honor at all times. But now our president has been reduced to ducking shoes like some honcho of a banana republic (either the nation or the clothing store). I’m ashamed and disgusted by the act.

Simply Red releases a Greatest Hits CD: I saw this a little while back. I know of only one Simply Red song. I can’t actually name it but I know that they had one song. Now they apparently have twenty tracks for a Best of disc. This astounds me. I couldn’t believe that anyone would want one tack, much less twenty. Or even remember who they are. That is marketing for you.

Whopper Perfume: For those of you who are like me and are desperately seeking to find that perfect gift for that special someone in your life I direct you to go to your nearest Burger King and pick up a bottle of Eau d’Whopper. I am not making this up. Some of the people at Burger King came up the idea of a scent of “flame broiled goodness” called Flame and they are actually selling it. So if you like your women smelling like grease and looking like they are available on the dollar menu here is your best opportunity.

This just tops the Penn State fragrance that was all released this month. Because even Mystery can’t compete with Joe Pa.

Space Shuttles for Sale: Ok, I am going to call upon my financing team to work with me on this one. I know the markets are tight but this might be the best thing ever in terms of impressing women. I originally thought that buying Bjorn Borg’s Wimbledon trophies would be the smartest move I could make (bring a woman back to your place, have her see the trophies and when she asks go, “Oh, I won Wimbledon a few years back.”) but this would top it. Some guys buy a sports car for their mid-life crisis. I buy a freaking space shuttle.

Of course, once I purchase it a few improvements will need to be made. Racing stripes for one. A kick ass stereo system and some hydraulic jacks will also be added. To pay for it I’ll get MTV to film it as a series called “Pimp My Space Shuttle”. Xzibit probally could use the work.

Publishing note: I’ll post another Kansas City dating story over the weekend as a treat for those of you who do check the site. I think I’ll tell the story of my introduction to the Kansas City scene. It is definitely worth checking out.