Baby, it's cold outside...(well, 68 degrees this morning but its cold for here...)

I will admit that I feel very guilty that I avoided being in Chicago today. As some people know I am lucky enough to be allowed to work remotely part of the time which means that I alternate being in Florida and Chicago on a regular basis. I was originally supposed to fly in today but given all of the cancellations and delays, along with the fact that people were being told not to drive which would make leaving the airport pretty challenging, I decided it was best to stay in Fort Myers for a few more days. I know, I lead an incredibly difficult life…

(Admittedly while the work arrangement is great the fact that Kim and I often seem to be apart more than we are together does not make for the easiest time for a marriage. We’ve made it work but it does make it a lot more challenging when you can’t take out the trash because you are in another time zone.)

They’ve mentioned that this is the coldest that it has been in twenty years and I can actually tell you where I was during that cold snap twenty years ago. I was down in Champaign at the University of Illinois and it is one of my favorite stories about the campus, what it is like being an engineer and just how backwards things were at the time. First off, the Illinois campus is massive. I lived in the most convenient dorm that I could to minimize my walk to classes and I was still probably five or six blocks from the EE building. However, the smart students learned every possible path through buildings to get from one place to the other to avoid being outside for too long. This was very helpful for us engineers as we felt that any exposure to the sun would result in instant death.

On this day (where I think the windchill was 50 below) I believe I walked through the Psychology building, past the Espresso Royale coffee shop with its permanently fogged windows but surprisingly warm exhaust vent, through the Administration building and the Union to make it to Everitt Lab. If I am right I would never have gone more than a block and a half without walking into another building and I don’t think I would have been able to make it if I had to walk any farther.

I went through my day of EE classes (and if I remember right this was during the first week of classes so everything was just getting started) and I would say that the room was about 90% full. This was EE at Illinois, junior year to be exact, and for the most part the room was full of bitter, downtrodden guys for whom having to brave the cold was the least of their problems in life. As those of us who sat in the back of the room once said “I study all the time, never go out, don’t have a girlfriend and every once in a while we are reminded that there are thirteen year olds smarter than us.” It was literally a room filled with people who never even gave a second thought to not going to class that day.

When I made it back to my dorm that afternoon and talked to some of my friends they were all amazed that not only did I make it to class but that there was class at all. Apparently it was announced in the student newspaper that morning that due to the temperatures that classes were cancelled and anyone who missed class would be given an excused absence. However, since no one on the campus outside of the people who actually wrote the Daily Illini read the Daily Illini, I was completely oblivious to this fact. So yes, twenty years ago on a day when your skin would freeze in less than a minute I went to class because no one bothered to tell me that class was cancelled.

And people wonder why we put the EE building across the street from a bar…

Small scale immortality foiled

One of the wonderful things about the current state of the internet is the knowledge that, no matter how much you wish it wasn’t true, anything that has happened to you in the past is recorded for the rest of eternity. Once you accept this fact you can remove yourself from the embarrassment of the situation and realize that for the rest of your life you will never escape your past. Or, thanks Rug for posting this picture to Facebook a year ago and thus keeping this memory alive forever.


So, when I was at Illinois I lived in Newman Hall, which is kind of like living in a dorm at Notre Dame except without the football tradition or networking. Lots of rules, some followed some less so, but a pretty controlled environment for college. In fact, the main reason people lived in Newman was that it was the closest dorm to the campus. Think about the type of person who chooses where they live in college based on the fact that it makes it easier to go to class. Let’s just say it wasn’t the party dorm.

(Side note: While I did drink in college I in no way had the common experience. In a weird way, now that I am aware of the Straight Edge movement I wonder if I would have been drawn to it. It at least would have been a scene where not drinking was part of the reason behind it, along with arrogance, random violence and punk rock. To be honest, I have no idea if there even was a Straight Edge scene on campus.)

Anyway, Newman Hall had the benefit of being one of the older halls on campus and as a result it actually had history. Hugh Hefner lived there, a fact that I always felt was worthy of a memorial plaque or at least some free subscriptions. The main lounge had trophies dating back seemingly forever. One even had Dick Butkus’ name on it which is about as close to legendary as you could get. There was where I hatched a plan for immortality.

I knew that if I could get my name on a trophy in the case then I would be remembered on campus forever. Or at least have my name hidden somewhere. So, with a bunch of my friends I proposed a 3 on 3 basketball tournament with the winning team being added to one of the trophies. Given that I didn’t have the skill to actually add to the team as a player my main role was to a) pay the entry fee and b) show up wearing all my annoying Duke basketball gear in an attempt to enrage the opponents against someone who they technically aren’t playing against. Yes, I owned a Christian Laettner replica Duke jersey. Even I thought I should get punched in the face over it.

In the end we won the tournament and repeated the next year and yes, we had our names engraved on the trophy. When I was on campus I decided to make my way back to the dorm to see if my plan had worked. Got in, walked into the lounge, was stunned to see a couple of students there (again, gorgeous Saturday in April so let’s all stay in and study) and looked for the trophy. It was gone. They were all gone. They had decided to empty the cases and put a bunch of pictures in them.

What the hell?

That is the problem with getting older. Even your well designed plans to be remembered twenty years later can be taken away while you weren’t looking. All you have left are photos of you forty pounds lighter and with much less gray hair floating around the internet. At some point you come to the realization that the world will move on, with or without you.

Back to the old Alma Mater

Nothing makes you feel older than returning to your old college campus. I found this out a few weeks ago when I returned to the University of Illinois for the first time in well over a decade. Well, that is not entirely true. I was there for a few hours a year and a half ago with Kim but it was during finals week in December. No one should ever have to experience Champaign in December as everything is simply a different tinge of gray with students walking around stressed and wishing they were anywhere else. Ok, so that is a general description of Champaign at any time of the year but it is even worse in December.


But this time, through a bunch of circumstances that I might get into at some point, I had a few hours by myself on campus on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in April. Which let me do everything that I wanted to do on campus including realize why I should not be on a campus any more.

Kim usually doesn’t believe my college stories. Mainly because when I returned to campus and had a choice to visit anywhere I wanted my first choice, without any hesitation, was Everitt Lab: the home of Electrical Engineering. Most people would choose the bookstore or their dorm or a bar but no, I literally ran to room 245 where I spent some of the most challenging years of my life. I was thrilled to see that they still had actual blackboards and desks without computer hookups just like I did back in the day when it was just you, a calculator, a notebook, half a dozen pencils and a hope that maybe today would be the day a meteor would slam into the building. I went and checked out which of my professors were still teaching, stopped by the old office that I weaseled my way into my senior year and even stopped by my old lab.

Now I have to start by explaining what my old lab consisted of. The Power Lab is located in the basement of Everitt Lab and consists of motors, engines, a lot of complicated monitors and big red buttons labeled “Emergency”, which if you press turns off the electricity to the entire room. We were next to the fabrication lab, where students would be bathed in yellow light while wearing clean suits and building integrated circuits. We looked at them like they were aliens and they wondered why occasionally they would hear explosions from our lab. For the record, only once did part of a circuit I constructed end up embedded in the ceiling tiles.

Obviously labs should be locked on a Saturday but I walked down anyway and was stunned to find the door open. I walked in and saw probably a dozen students working away at the lab stations. It was possibly the geekiest thing I had ever seen. It was a beautiful day out, a Saturday in April of Mom’s Day weekend and here were these students laboring over their projects. My reaction was not to tell them, “Go outside! There is more to life than circuit designs.” No, I was holding myself back from offering to help. That was me twenty years ago. No question about it.

I could accept that I was older than the students in the lab. They were kids, of course, but at least they were still working in the same lab and probably doing the same projects that I worked on. And it was still the same building with the same professors. It was when I walked the campus that it really hit me. Not only were there new buildings but things like a Chick-Fil-A in the student union, the disappearance of nearly all the bars that I used to go to and the loss of all of the record stores that existed in Campustown. I spent hours every week in those stores and they were all gone. That hurt.

But here was when it really hit me. I went back to my old dorm. I walked in behind a student and her parents, looking like I was maybe some uncle who had latched on at the last second. I wasn’t going in to see a dorm room or anything. I needed to find a trophy in the student lounge. A very particular trophy that twenty years ago was my plan for immortality on campus. A trophy whose story will have to wait for tomorrow.

Wednesday Night Music Club: Thought that I would feature one of the Champaign bands from that same time as they look now. Yeah, Poster Children has aged roughly as well as I have. Still, they were a band that deserved much more airplay than they received.

2011 Bowl Preview: Part Two

Let’s take on the next set of bowl games as we make our way through the New Year’s Eve.

December 28th
Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman: Toledo vs. Air Force (4:30 PM, ESPN): Somehow I can never imagine Northrop Grumman as a bowl sponsor. I am not even sure what a Northrop Grumman commercial would look like. Maybe it is just “We’d like to tell you just how awesome we are as a company but that is classified information. So instead let’s just look at puppies frolicking in the grass for 30 seconds. Northrop Grumman: Any company that loves puppies couldn’t possibly be evil.” Look, it is the Military Bowl so you have to cheer for Air Force though Toledo gets points for being the Rockets.

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl: California vs. Texas (8 PM, ESPN): A less than quality matchup in the Holiday Bowl, which usually features two teams that eschew defense and encourage brining Jim Brown out of retirement for one last game. Though there is the possibility of Colt McCoy could return because, well, it’s not like he has much else to do right now and could use to get away from Cleveland for a week. Texas is having a poor year and Cal is one of those schools that are annoying in every aspect. Athletically, academically, hell, even their mascot is annoying. Their main rival is Stanford for crying out loud. I have to cheer for Texas simply so that I won’t have to feel the need to immediately take a shower after the game.

December 29th
Champs Sports Bowl: Florida State vs. Notre Dame (5:30 PM, ESPN): Here is the highlight for Notre Dame this year: we went an entire regular season without anyone dying. That is how bad I still feel about last season. Hell, I lost hope for this season five minutes into our first game when our opening drive results in a fumble that is returned 95 yards for a touchdown, followed by the game suspended by a massive thunderstorm and concluded with a loss to South Florida. At worst, we should be 10-2 with losses to USC and Stanford, resulting in maybe a BCS bowl or at least a nice game in January. Instead it is a bowl game between two teams that totally underachieved sponsored by that really crappy shoe store at the mall. I know that I could talk about the legendary rivalry between the two teams but that would imply that both teams are worthy of a rivalry. On the plus side, we do get one more game of Brian Kelly screaming at 19 year olds and that is always a good thing.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Washington vs. Baylor (9 PM, ESPN): For the record, San Antonio is an incredibly underrated city. The Riverwalk is a blast and it is a really fun place to spend a few days. The Alamodome is an odd stadium though; it seems to have been designed for every sport other than football. Anyway, this is your Heisman Trophy winner game featuring the only Heisman Trophy winner that no one actually watched over the course of a season. Traditionally this results in the winner playing so horribly that we wish we could retroactively announce the results. Washington is a state in the Pacific Northwest. Sorry, I don’t have anything witty to say besides that. Well, that and I assume that the halftime show is just a bunch of people singing “Valero”.

December 30th
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: BYU vs. Tulsa (Noon, ESPN): This game is being played at Gerald J. Ford Stadium so expect a lot of stumbles, fumbles, interceptions and references to ending a national nightmare. Surprisingly though this game is in Dallas given that Gerald Ford a) represented Michigan, b) played for the University of Michigan and c) Michigan plays in Lyndon B. Johnson Memorial Stadium. Also, this game suffers from only having Air Force make the bowls from the service academies. You can’t have a Military Bowl and an Armed Forces Bowl and only allow one military school to play. They should just let Air Force play in both games. Also, if someone could explain to me why a school in Oklahoma is nicknamed the “Golden Hurricane” when a) they don’t have a coastline and b) that nickname seems to be just asking for a double entendre.

New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Rutgers vs. Iowa State (3:20 PM, ESPN): No, I have no idea why the game is scheduled to start at 3:20. Maybe they want to be careful not to have any overlap with the exciting conclusion of the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. This is the game played in Yankee Stadium for those who like their football played the old fashioned way: in a baseball stadium that wasn’t in any way designed for football featuring a crowd made up of guido and guidettes complaining about how they can’t show off their tans under all of their layers. Has Snooki officially become the mascot of Rutgers yet? The fact that Rutgers is the state college of New Jersey but in no way associates itself with the state in its own name tells you an awful lot about the state. I almost went to grad school at Iowa State because I realized that the only places one should study for master’s degrees in electrical engineering is in cities where when you look out your window all you see is corn. That is the only thing that can make looking at circuit diagrams sound like an exciting alternative,

(Bonus Jersey Shore rant: So Kim and I watch Jersey Shore because there is no greater comedy on the air right now. The best way to watch the show is to realize the each of the people on the show is trying to get airtime to further their own careers while simultaneously trying to cash in what little fame they have. Thus you have Vinnie acting nice because he is trying to make his way into an acting career and J-Woww acts like a mom half the time because she is this close to a guest host gig on the View (or at least becoming an Access Hollywood correspondent). On the other hand, Situation is just trying to get as much airtime as possible to up his appearance fees because the second the show goes off the air he is going to drop off the face of the earth. Ron and Sammie are forced to realize that as long as the show is on the air they are going to have to alternately act like a couple or fight because otherwise they have nothing to do. And Snookie and Deena have reached the point where random strangers are about to stage an intervention for them. Seriously MTV, at some point watching people get blackout drunk in the afternoon stops being funny. Pauly D is cool, though.)

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Wake Forest (6:40 PM, ESPN): For crying out loud ESPN, you have multiple networks. Use them so that we have start times that make at least some sense. Besides, I’d recommend starting this game earlier due to the high probability that the stadium will file for foreclosure at some point in the second quarter. Ah, real estate lending humor, nothing better in the world. Anyway, Mississippi State is coached by the guy who I have heard mentioned the most often as the new Penn State coach so that might give you a reason to watch the game as well. Wake Forest is the alma mater of the legendary Brian Picolo so if you watch Brian’s Song you technically get credit for watching this game as well. It will also encourage you to dust more often as I always get something caught in my eye at the end of the film.

Insight Bowl: Iowa vs. Oklahoma (10 PM, ESPN): I always love bowl games named after general concepts. We’ve lost the Humanitarian Bowl but we still have the Insight Bowl. A Revelation Bowl would also be pretty cool though a Polite Dismissal of a Poorly Developed Theorem Bowl would probably have a hard time getting sponsorship. As an Illini I cannot in good conscience cheer for Iowa in everything including the production of corn. It really is the most hated rival for those of us who went to the school in the early 90’s and had to deal with four years of crappy basketball teams because of Bruce Pearl’s secret recording sessions. I still hate that bastard. I can’t recall the last time that Oklahoma was forced to play a bowl game in December. I don’t know if anyone has informed them that even though the game is in Arizona that it is not the Fiesta Bowl. Maybe we should all just act as if it is the Fiesta Bowl to make them feel better.

December 31st
Meineke Car Care of Texas Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Northwestern (Noon, ESPN): I understand the independence movement is strong in Texas but I don’t think that they have to go so far as declare their own sovereign version of Meineke Car Care. If the union of Meineke Car Care dealerships cannot be preserved then we are all doomed. Texas A&M is headed off to the SEC and is actually a worse fit for the conference than Missouri. Hell, they are a worse fit than Vanderbilt. At least Vanderbilt has the southern genteel style and the belief that wearing a sport coat to a football game makes it much easier to sneak in alcohol. Texas A&M games seem to always resemble one large ROTC meeting and I can’t see that meshing with schools where people hold up rolls of toilet paper and boxes of Tide at regular intervals. This is also another one of those games where the bowl decided to take a Big Ten school not named Penn State because they didn’t want to be associated with the controversy, which is just stunning if you know how bowl games work. All bowl games care about is getting people to travel to the game and how the city of Houston could think that they will get more Northwestern alums to travel to a game then Penn State is insane. And that is not even getting into the difference in ratings. Plus, given that Illinois beat Northwestern this year for the trophy formerly referred to as the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk they should be in this game anyway.

Hyundai Sun Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Utah (2 PM, CBS): Finally a bowl game that is not on the ESPN family of networks. Utah joined the PAC 12 this year and I don’t think that anyone noticed. To be honest, Urban Meyer may have still been secretly coaching there for all I know. Georgia Tech runs the triple option offense which is always fun if you like running, pitches, a quick game and believe that Knute Rockne was completely wrong when he decided to implement the forward pass. If I remember correctly the Sun Bowl is one of the oldest bowl games in existence, which probably is nice to know if you ever find yourself in El Paso and need to start a conversation with something other than, “Hello, can you please help me find a way to get out of El Paso?”

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Vanderbilt (3:30 PM, ABC): Crap, I’ve already used my Vanderbilt jokes. I mean, who could anticipate Vanderbilt making a bowl game (and not Tennessee, which says something about how far that program has fallen.) Cincinnati is a) a city that I have never been able to properly spell my entire life and b) really proud of its chili in much the same way that Kansas City is of its barbecue except that Cincinnati chili is unlike any kind of chili known to man. (By the way, I’ve always preferred Memphis barbecue, which is probably why I never really fit in well in KC.) At least this game is no longer the St. Jude’s Hospital Liberty Bowl where the halftime show would often feature sick children. I am not kidding. The only thing that could compare to it would be the Rescue Shelter Bowl featuring Sarah McLachlan as the halftime entertainment. I swear to you if I ever win the lottery I am going to donate a portion to the ASPCA on the sole condition that they never use a Sarah McLachlan song in a commercial again.

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Illinois vs. UCLA (3:30 PM, ESPN): I know I said this last year but I have to say it again. Hey Kraft! You want to fight hunger? How about you, I don’t know, donate food? Or instead of celebrating record profit margins on Macaroni and Cheese why not lower the price by a nickel? Though I will support a Kraft Fight Hunger Games where the food options in the cornucopia are solely Kraft products. I am so psyched to see that movie as any book that as you read it makes you wonder just how many people you could kill if forced to fight to the death is precisely what I feel we need to use to inspire the next generation. How else are they supposed to prosper if we do not raise them to anticipate an apocalyptic hellscape where you may be called upon to murder the person you just met three days ago as a means of entertaining others?

Anyway, Illinois football… Sigh. At one point this year we were 6 – 0 and I could legitimately make a case for us to play in the Big 10 championship game or at least be 9 – 3 and playing in a nice bowl game in January. Instead we lose six straight in more and more humiliating fashion and end up firing Ron Zook who gets added to the list of coaches who couldn’t figure out how to make the Illini even a consistent squad despite having the best talent that we have had in ages. I’m not even sure where they will go for a coach now. I would like for once in my life to have the Illini be consistently decent. I’m not even talking good, just decent. UCLA actually is in a bowl game despite having a losing record which makes this possibly the most depressing matchup ever. Well, at least it is a rematch of that legendary 1984 Rose Bowl where, yeah, Illinois got slaughtered but at least the Chief got to dance at halftime. Oh wait, we don’t even have the Chief anymore. Yeah, I’m still bitter.

Chick-fil-A Bowl: Virginia vs. Auburn: (7:30 PM, ESPN): I still think they should call this the Peach Bowl just because Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl is such a confusing combination that it makes one wonder if affordable chicken sandwiches and produce could make a pleasurable combination. I’ll have to admit that pretty much anything would go well with Chick-fil-A. The only benefit of having had to spend numerous hours at the Philadelphia airport is the fact that the Concourse B/C food court has a Chick-fil-A. Though those bastards closed on the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend because for some reason God doesn’t want me to have waffle fries on a Sunday. It’s enough to question your faith.

This is the game that you have on as you face that dilemma of whether or not you actually want to go out on New Year’s Eve. Now that I am married this is a slightly easier decision as I actually have someone to be with at midnight but back in the KC days this was always the point of no return. There you are, watching an over-achieving ACC team taking on an under-achieving SEC team while cows take over the screen every five minutes and you have to decide whether to go out, face a bunch of idiot drunks to only be alone at midnight or stay at home, conclude that Cam Newton and Bo Jackson are the only two people who could make you care about Auburn football and spend the rest of the evening drinking whiskey straight from the bottle in a darkened apartment while listening to Morrissey cds. Not that I have any experience in that matter. Though I recommend Viva Hate if you are in the mood to do so.

Next time, all of the January games. Title games, Arkansas State and the best metal band in history. Stay tuned.

2010 Bowl Preview: Part Two

Time for Part Two of the Bowl Preview where we make our way from December 26th through December 30th, otherwise known as “that time you go into the office to work knowing that you won’t actually complete any work because all of the higher ups are on vacation and everyone is catching up on their web browsing.”

December 26th
Little Caesars Bowl: Florida International vs. Toledo (ESPN): I’m not sure if Little Caesars offers a bowl product. After seeing the pictures of the Domino’s Pasta Bowls, which I believed caused me to gain ten pounds just by seeing them on a computer screen, I believe that the only thing that could ruin the concept of pizza is forming it into a bowl shape. This game is in Detroit and thus adds to the misery of the city. Seriously, this is the best that they could get for a bowl game. FIU (with the exception of the legendary Ned) is a school that might not actually exist and they are going up against Toledo, which is like the 20th best school in the state of Ohio. Given that all you need to do to get into Ohio State is a) be born in Ohio and b) have a measurable pulse at the age of eighteen it makes you wonder just who decides to go to Toledo (or Ohio State for that matter.) Watch the game only if they promise you free pizza.

December 27th
AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: Air Force vs. Georgia Tech (ESPN2): For the second straight year I have no idea what AdvoCare is or what V100 is meant to represent. Might be an insurance company, might be a brand of insulation, or might be a secret government plot. All we know is that it took them 100 tries to get it right. And let us also hold a moment of silence for the legacy of the Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl, which will also rank as the best bowl game name ever. I yearn to one day own a house so that I can go into a store and buy a Poulan Weed Eater. Anyway, there is a good chance that there will not be a single pass attempt in this entire game. Both teams run the option, which is either fun to watch or the most boring thing imaginable depending on your point of view. Cheer for Air Force because it is the Independence Bowl and they help to keep us free from bees.

December 28th
Champs Sports Bowl: West Virginia vs. North Carolina State (ESPN): Wow, Champs Sports is still in business? I didn’t know if they survived the latest round of dead malls. This is a matchup of two schools that….ok, I have to admit that I have nothing to say about either school’s football program. I’ll just say that I did drink with several of the basketball coaches from West Virginia one night in KC and that the first college basketball game I ever saw featured Jim Valvano’s North Carolina State team. Just watch Valvano’s ESPY speech and consider it a good night.

Insight Bowl: Missouri vs. Iowa (ESPN): This still refers to Insight.com as opposed to just the theoretical concept of insight though more bowl games do need to be about philosophical concepts. As I write this the game has been taken off the board in Vegas because it looks like most of Iowa is going to be suspended due to one of their players running a “drug house”. They should be cut some slack given that it is Iowa City. No one should have to live in Iowa sober. As a former KC resident (and a firm believer that it should be pronounced Missuorah) I’ll cheer for my former state school mainly due to the fact that Columbia is in the middle of nowhere yet still draws some pretty good bands. Hey, at least the team is better than Kansas this year.

December 29th
Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman: East Carolina vs. Maryland (ESPN): Apparently it can no longer be called war profiteering if you use the money to sponsor sporting events. Seriously, is there a more ominous title for a football game? We all use the “football as war” metaphor but it sounds as though the halftime show will be a tribute to defense contract bidding strategies featuring the original hundred dollar hammer. Maryland is playing in Maryland which guarantees one thing: they will find the most incredible way to blow the game in the last minute. No team tears your heart out quite like Maryland. Plus, East Carolina is the Pirates and that is kind of like a military.

Texas Bowl: Illinois vs. Baylor (ESPN): Woo hoo! My Illini actually made it to a bowl game! Not a real game of course and one that seems to lead to a whole host of chili references but we are a fan base that is overjoyed by the prospect of a .500 season. We don’t ask for much out of Illinois football. Mainly just don’t embarrass us and give us something to watch until basketball practice starts. Of course it is horribly unfair to be playing the Texas Bowl in Texas against a team from Texas but that is just par for the course for the Illini. We’ve had to play games with one end zone, in a blizzard and in Fresno this year. A little adversity isn’t going to stop us. I’ll be wearing my orange for this one.

Oh and I’m not even going to bother getting into the new Big Ten logo and the “Leaders” and “Legends” divisions. I know the divisions weren’t done geographically but couldn’t we have come up with anything better? Like the “It’s all Nebraska’s fault” and “Minnesota still has a football team?”

Valero Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona (ESPN): I used to make fun of this game a lot but after going to San Antonio with Kim I have to say that it is a rather cool place to visit. You wouldn’t immediately think of it as a vacation spot but it is quite nice and one of these days we will probably visit it again. The Alamodome is a strange and ill-designed stadium, though. It seems to be designed for the sole purpose of getting 20,000 people stuck in the same hallway five minutes before the game starts. Oklahoma State is going to win this game by like 40 so that should be exciting. Oh, and though we all know it is an oil company you can’t hear the name Valero without thinking about some guy singing in an Italian restaurant with his bow tie undone.


December 30th
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: Army vs. SMU (ESPN): This game is being played in Dallas at Gerald Ford Stadium. I mention this because I have no idea where that stadium is or to what school it belongs. I’ve studied these things and I have no clue. Besides, Gerald Ford went to Michigan, played football for Michigan, and represented Michigan in Congress. I have no idea why someone would name a stadium for him in Dallas.

Army is in this game, which is fitting since they a) are part of the armed forces and b) use helicopters. SMU is best known for paying its players to the point that they had to cancel the entire football program for a while. This is no different than basically every other school; they were just dumb enough to get caught. I can’t see how one can cheer against Army in a game like this especially if they break out the camouflage uniforms. I mean, how will SMU even be able to see them?

New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Kansas State vs. Syracuse (ESPN): This game is being played in Yankee Stadium, which is going to prove to be quite a challenge for Kansas State fans as they will have to travel to New York and they ain’t never been on a plane before. (Yeah, I know, K State jokes. Easy target. How about this one: the school is trying desperately to convince the fans that even though the team is staying in Manhattan it is not a home game.) While it is cool to watch football in a baseball stadium there really is no reason to be sitting outside in New York at the end of freaking December. I mean, these are two schools that tend to play in real games. Sure it is New York and all but what New Yorker is going to decide that today is the day that they will check out the new Yankee Stadium? Just bizarre. Anyway, a guy from K State cost me a date seven years ago so I have to root for Syracuse. Yes, I know that I am engaged to the woman of my dreams and have had every aspect of my life go the right way for me to reach this point but I’m still bitter.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: North Carolina vs. Tennessee (ESPN): It must be hard watching a football game sponsored by the same company that is about to foreclose on your house. Given the foreclosure rate in this country I am truly expecting a Farm Aid type charity concert where instead of trying to save the family farm we try to save the family house. I’m serious here, as I was told today not everything in life is ironic. Tennessee is playing in Nashville so it should be fairly obvious who the winner is going to be. North Carolina will just be happy that they can focus on basketball and / or women’s soccer depending on if Roy Williams decides to pay attention this year or not.

Bridgeport Education Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington (ESPN): Ok, I have no idea if this is sponsored by a company called “Bridgeport Education” or if the makers of Bridgeport tires are promoting an “Education Holiday”. Given that I believe we now rank last in math and science the last thing we need is an education holiday though I have to admit they are some pretty damn good tires. The Holiday Bowl is historically the highest scoring bowl game and is required by law to feature at least five trick plays including one that recreates the scene from Lucas. This will be Nebraska’s last time representing the Big 12 before they join the Big 10 as its 12th member, thus making everything very confusing.

We do rank first in corn related hazing incidents

When you have been online for as long as I have you end up with a large number of email addresses. Some are the official ones that you give to people when they meet and others are for some of the activities that you undertake online that you would rather not be directly linked to your name. Those are the accounts you check occasionally to see what interesting emails come your way.

That was the case yesterday when I checked my email to find that I had received an email from the speed dating people. You all remember my speed dating adventure at the beginning of the year (if not, check the January archive.) Well, seems like they were having another session last week and they were short of men and they wondered if I would be willingly to attend for free. To which I would pleasantly like to reply, “Screw you! I have a girlfriend now! I never want to have to experience that torture again!”

To be honest, I am trying to figure out how you would volunteer to go again. While the first time I paid for the privilege to be rejected by a dozen women in this case I would go through the entire rejection process out of the goodness of my own heart because otherwise there would be empty tables. It’s like “I’m such a nice guy I am going to appear here just so you have another guy to say “Nope, not my type” to.” Because really, that is the entire point of speed dating. I’d much rather stay with the best girlfriend on the planet, thank you very much.

In other news I would like to congratulate Penn State on being named the number one party school in the nation. Yes, they beat out Florida this year followed by Mississippi, Georgia and Ohio (not The Ohio State, just Ohio.) I feel at least a slight sense of pride in that the Big Ten was finally able to defeat the SEC in something. Especially given that we start with a huge disadvantage in terms of bikini weather. However, I have to hang my head a little in terms of the poor showing by my Illini. This is what happens when the pride and joy of your school is the engineering campus.

In fact, let us look at the two greatest developments in the history of the University of Illinois (not counting the Morrow Plots, the oldest experimental cornfield in existence.) They are 1) Hugh Hefner (who lived in my dorm) and 2) Mosaic/Netscape (developed by guys in my physics class.) Thus Illinois provided the world with not only Playboy and the subsequent proliferation of paper based pornography but we also created the platform for internet pornography. This is what happens when one whole portion of the campus is only ten percent female. You really do not want to know about the developments taking place in the hologram labs. Other than they are truly, truly, truly outrageous.

My random online journey

Here is something random that I just did that I found rather interesting. I ended up searching the University of Illinois’ Electrical Engineering website. Ok, some may wonder just how I would get to that site. I’ll walk through it step by step.

Step 1: Go to Wikipedia in the hope of either a) learning something or b) stumble upon a blog topic.

Step 2: Discover that tomorrow is the 16th anniversary of the release of Mosaic, the first commercially popular web browser that was created on the University of Illinois campus. Now that I think about it, the world wide web was essentially launched in a building I was walking past every single day as it was happening. Occasionally I would even enter the building but have no idea of the significance.

Step 3: After reading the article on Mosaic click to the article on the University and the campus. Discover that a) the legend of the ghost haunting the English building is worthy of Wikipedia, b) the fact that you can stand on a certain spot in front of Foellinger auditorium and have your voice echo back to you three seconds later isn’t and c) apparently they are now saying that the Foreign Language Building was not constructed in the shape of an upside down pyramid for the reason that, in case of a nuclear explosion, the building would collapse outwards and therefore not destroy the mainframe computers in the basement. The poor liberal arts majors standing outside the Foreign Language Building would be left to reflect for those last few moments as to their folly in choosing a liberal arts major. Meanwhile, those like me in Everitt Lab would rest assured that we were in a fallout shelter as we noticed the sign every time we walked to class. Because I don’t know about you, but if I had to choose a place to hole up after nuclear annihilation I would choose an electrical engineering building. But no, the Foreign Language Building was built that way because someone thought it looked cool. Takes all the fun out of it.

Step 4: Discover that the Engineering Campus has its own section on Wikipedia apart from the rest of the campus. React with pride in knowing that even in the land of Wiki those of us who resided North of Green take it upon ourselves to separate our land from the rest of the riff raff on the Illinois campus. I am upset however that no reference is made to the monolith between Everitt Lab and Engineering Hall that housed the time capsule that was placed in honor of the film 2001 due to HAL being born at the University of Illinois. That was probably my favorite random thing on the campus and I never found out what was in the time capsule.

Step 5: Go to the Electrical and Computer Engineering homepage to look at the list of professors and discover that basically everyone who taught me to do my current job is still on staff. A few are retired now but pretty much everyone responsible for the little bit of electrical engineering that I know are all still teaching. I find that rather incredible given that it will be fourteen years next month since I’ve graduated. Shows just how little turnover there is on campus.

I’m really proud of my time as an Illini (even if we are now apparently getting rid of the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk as well. The hell?) I certainly cannot fault my education as an engineer as it is really the foundation for all of my success. Nothing teaches you to think like being taught engineering at Illinois. The discipline and mental toughness required is amazing. I don’t know if I could survive it if you put me through it today. I wasn’t thinking about this when I flipped to Wikipedia this evening but I will be contemplating it as I call it a night.

A smattering of random thoughts

Yes, my Illini lost to Penn State last night by a score of 38 to 33. In basketball. I can accept Illinois losing to Penn State by that score in football but in basketball? First of all, since when does Penn State even play basketball? Does Joe Pa teach the players the two handed set shot? But my god, how can you not score more than 33 points when you are playing at home? Unless the entire team was drunk I would consider this the worst loss in Illinois history (except for every single time we lost to Northwestern in any sport.)

One odd travel story from this week: When given a list of places to switch planes do not choose Orlando the day after a three day weekend. That is unless you want to spend the entire flight surrounded by a gaggle of small children, many of whom either have their faces painted or are wearing a princess costume, who will spend the entire flight talking at as loud a volume as they possibly can. There is not a volume level on my Zune that is loud enough to cover up the noise of such an amped up crew. It is not that I dislike children, it is just that I prefer dealing with them only when they are somehow related to me and we are not locked into a confined space.

Oh and on my way down to New Orleans I got to spend a few hours in the Nashville airport, which is quite an experience. It is very much a y’all type of place. The best part of the airport was the country music stars who recorded announcements. So you have the guy from Big and Rich (who may be either big or rich, I can never tell) informing you that you are no longer allowed to smoke inside the terminal building.

The best was the guy from Diamond Rio who informed me that all animals, except for service animals, must be locked up inside the terminal. That doesn’t sound funny on the surface but given a lack of sleep and a southern accent “service animals” sounds surprisingly like “circus animals”. I swear the first time I heard it I thought he said circus animals. I suddenly had visions of tigers wandering down the concourse followed by a guy wearing a sequined jacket. And to be honest, that wouldn’t have been the weirdest site I saw all weekend.

That is about it for tonight. I am just dead tired and I am so looking forward to this weekend just so I can catch up on sleep and relax. When I got back from the airport I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had spent more than a few days in my apartment. These past few weeks have just left me physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Things are good, though, don’t worry about that. I just need to turn my brain off for a little while. Sunday night will be the Oscar Live Blog. Dresses! Slumdogs! Vague questions about the merits of cinematography! See you then.

So I was reading the paper the other day...

Due to all of my childhood recollections there are a great number of serious news stories that I have neglected to comment upon in the past week or so. I’ll try to catch up…

The Gov. Blagoevich Scandal: As I have been telling everyone for the past week: bribery is not a crime in Illinois so I don’t see what the big deal is. Who doesn’t get paid for a senate seat? And if the Children’s Hospital wants some additional funding I see nothing wrong with them ponying up some additional cash for the old campaign fund. (That is the most insane part of the entire story. He blackmailed a freaking Children’s Hospital.) Even better is the picture of the Governor outside of his Chicago home next to a sign promoting “Rat Catching” services.

I really didn’t think he would last the week but it now looks as if we are in for a long haul of impeachment hearings, court cases and nothing happening in the state until we can finally get him out of office. I really want to understand his mindset. Even if he is not convicted his political career is over. So instead of stepping aside he decides to fight to the end and take the entire state down with him. Maybe common sense will hit him at some point like a flying shoe. Speaking of which…

The shoe throwing incident: Others have written about this and I will have to agree. I have no love loss for this president. I started the blog after he was reelected and I will be glad to see him out of office. The state that the country is in right now is his legacy. But even with that, I am disgusted by the way that this was immediately treated as a joke. A “look at the wacky hijinks Bush has gotten himself into this time” type of thing like a sketch on a bad comedy show. He is the leader of my country, the most powerful nation on the planet. We are a country that does not bow our flag to any world leader. We stand with pride and honor at all times. But now our president has been reduced to ducking shoes like some honcho of a banana republic (either the nation or the clothing store). I’m ashamed and disgusted by the act.

Simply Red releases a Greatest Hits CD: I saw this a little while back. I know of only one Simply Red song. I can’t actually name it but I know that they had one song. Now they apparently have twenty tracks for a Best of disc. This astounds me. I couldn’t believe that anyone would want one tack, much less twenty. Or even remember who they are. That is marketing for you.

Whopper Perfume: For those of you who are like me and are desperately seeking to find that perfect gift for that special someone in your life I direct you to go to your nearest Burger King and pick up a bottle of Eau d’Whopper. I am not making this up. Some of the people at Burger King came up the idea of a scent of “flame broiled goodness” called Flame and they are actually selling it. So if you like your women smelling like grease and looking like they are available on the dollar menu here is your best opportunity.

This just tops the Penn State fragrance that was all released this month. Because even Mystery can’t compete with Joe Pa.

Space Shuttles for Sale: Ok, I am going to call upon my financing team to work with me on this one. I know the markets are tight but this might be the best thing ever in terms of impressing women. I originally thought that buying Bjorn Borg’s Wimbledon trophies would be the smartest move I could make (bring a woman back to your place, have her see the trophies and when she asks go, “Oh, I won Wimbledon a few years back.”) but this would top it. Some guys buy a sports car for their mid-life crisis. I buy a freaking space shuttle.

Of course, once I purchase it a few improvements will need to be made. Racing stripes for one. A kick ass stereo system and some hydraulic jacks will also be added. To pay for it I’ll get MTV to film it as a series called “Pimp My Space Shuttle”. Xzibit probally could use the work.

Publishing note: I’ll post another Kansas City dating story over the weekend as a treat for those of you who do check the site. I think I’ll tell the story of my introduction to the Kansas City scene. It is definitely worth checking out.

Too many notes...

Note to Eva: Typically I am slightly cautious of going to MySpace pages that people send me. That’s due to the fact that the majority of my friend requests seem to come from scantily clad women who are really intent on my checking out their webcams. It’s rather amazing how many of those requests one can receive made even more amazing by the fact that the same profile picture is used on half of them. But I’ll have to say that Erin Ivey has a rather interesting sound (and I dig the fact that I get recommendations on unsigned Austin artists). Plus, anyone who says that they want to connect with fans of The Sundays, Josh Rouse and Kathleen Edwards deserves a listen just due to her taste in music alone.

Note to Readers of Last Night’s Post: I can’t seem to figure out if DRKJEDI would refer to Dark Jedi or Dork Jedi. I didn’t think about that until after I made the post. In retrospect, I think I’ll just go for the personalized UZDFRCE license plate. And yes, that will be all of the Star Wars talk for the week. Don’t worry, I’ll still publicize my Wookie Life Day celebration plans.

Note to No One in Particular: I just realized that I may have figured out a way to die that would be more embarrassing than being trampled to death at a Weird Al concert. I was nearly run over today by a security guard on a Segway. Yep, I really don’t want people to look back at my life and go “EC, man what a great guy. Too bad he got run over by a Segway.”

Anyway, in my continuing efforts to pat myself on the back in order to boost my self-esteem I’d like to point out that Cobra Kai, the fightingest fantasy football team in the land, just built a two game lead with two games to play in the regular season. (It was also the third week where I had the high score in the league.) Since I effectively own the tiebreaker I’m highly confident in a playoff berth for the team. Not bad for a team that lost three running backs to season ending injuries. My quarterback hydra of Favre, Hasselbeck and Anderson have proven unstoppable and my tenth round pick up of Wes Welker may be the best draft pick ever. Of course I now just jinxed myself so expect me to score negative points this week.

I’ll have to admit that that is a better finish than Notre Dame where even in my Playstation 2 version of the season I am looking at a berth in the Brut Sun Bowl. Yes, that’s how bad of a team it was, I am proud to have made it to the Brut Sun Bowl. I mean, it is by Faberge and all. Sometime next week once all the bowl games are announced I’ll do my breakdown. Until then, I might as well admit that I am rooting for Oklahoma on Saturday. This isn’t due to my hating everything that has to do with the part of the country. Ok, that’s part of it but I have a legitimate reason here.

See, if Oklahoma beats Missouri then Ohio State is assured of being in the national title game and not the Rose Bowl. Now, the Rose Bowl would really like to keep a Big Ten-Pac 10 matchup if at all possible. There is only one other Big 10 team that is eligible for a BCS bowl. That team is, of course, my Fighting Illini. Do they deserve to be in a BCS game? Of course not. But it has been over twenty years since we played in the Rose Bowl and we were screwed out of the game the last time we won the Big Ten. I want to see them play in Pasadena. Sorry Tigers fans but this is going to happen.

Sports Night everynight...

Wednesday Night Music Club: I know that when I think of Thanksgiving, I think of covers of old Dolly Parton songs. Ok, maybe not quite that but it is really tough to make a segue into this one. I'm not even sure why this came to mind other than I think I was talking about Mindy Smith to someone a few weeks ago and I figured that she was someone I should promote in this space. If anything, she has a new Christmas album out that is supposed to be really good so if you like this song and want to get in the holiday spirit, there's the first item on your shopping list. After, of course, stopping by Kohl's at four in the morning.

Seriously, Kohl's is having a 4 AM sale on Friday. To anyone who is shopping for me, I am nowhere near important enough to shop for at four in the morning. Unless you are actually coming back from a bar there is no legitimate reason to be awake at four in the morning.

Ok, in lieu of actual topics tonight I'm going to respond to some of the comments on the last few posts...

On the play of Jimmy Claussen, I have seen a few comparisons of Claussen's numbers to Quinn's and yes, numerically speaking they look the same. But, and it really pains me to imply that this could ever be the case, numbers aren't the whole story. While Brady Quinn was not a good quarterback as a freshman at least I was confident that he was, in fact, a quarterback. There was promise there and while he was getting his ass kicked you at least saw a glimmer of hope.

I don't see that with Claussen even though I was one of his biggest backers coming into the season. The guy has a great arm (better than his brothers) and was raised to be a quarterback. The thing is he just doesn't seem to be smart back there. While at the game Saturday there were plays where I knew precisely who he was throwing to because as soon as the ball was snapped that is all he looked at and was oblivious to other receivers or defensive lineman. When the guy who never played football in his life can read your eyes something is horribly wrong.

And the other thing that really bothers me is that while he is officially a true freshman the dude is 20 years old. His birthday is a few weeks after mine. Do you know what I was doing when I was 20? I was a junior in electrical engineering at Illinois, not taking intro to everything classes at Notre Dame. That just really bothers me. Physically you are pretty much what you are going to be at 20 and sure, he can get smarter at football but it's a lot different than if he was an 18 year old freshman. Maybe it's just me but that really bugs me in terms of his development.

I did decide not to live blog the Duke-Illinois game last night mainly because I didn't feel like subjecting everyone to a post consisting of "Brian Randle just fouled someone", "For crying out loud, can we hit a freaking jumper" and "It's nice to know that I have more athletic ability than Jordan's kid." I'll start on the Illinois side. The team looked better than I had imagined but even that wasn't very good. They are fifteen deep except that there really isn't any difference between the best guy and the fifteenth guy. That's not a good thing. They showed promise and played good defense most of the night but there isn't a superstar on that team. I'm hoping that they find a flow and sneak into the tournament but that might not happen. Heck, it's never a good sign when the coach's dog needs knee surgery.

As for Duke they definitely look like a better team than last year. That's not saying much as last year's squad was not the worst Duke team I ever saw but definitely the most painful to watch. They just played ugly basketball with none of the style that made me follow the team in the first place. It was hacking defense and slow, ponderous offense. This year's squad shows more promise and athleticism with additions of some freshmen who appear to be both talented and already hated. Cheering for Duke is kind of like cheering for Microsoft in that regard. Greg Paulus still plays point guard like he is running a wishbone offense and he really makes me miss the days of Bobby Hurley running the offense while simultaneously smoking a cigarette.

Speaking of wishbones, have a happy Thanksgiving everyone.

What a weekend...

See, do I lie? When I promise something legendary I freaking deliver. For the first time in this history of the school, Illinois went on the road and beat the number one team in the nation. On Senior Day no less. We couldn’t pull this off when we had Red Grange and Dick Butkus (well, not at the same time). It’s great to be able to talk about Illini Football without having the main focus being “are you getting rid of the guy dancing at halftime or not?”

It’s tough to explain what this win means if you haven’t followed the team through the years. This win gives Illinois as many wins this season as they have had in the past four years combined. We’re still not a top team but we have returned to being a respectable team. I now just hope that we can remain a consistent Top 25 team. There really is no reason why that can’t be the case. Still, running all over an Ohio State defense anchored by the son of Road Warrior Animal was quite a sight to see. I tried to start a riot in KC but no one could figure out why I was wearing orange since hunting season ended last week.

Anyway, on to the really big news…

Battling the Current is three years old! Yes, it was on November 10, 2004 that I made my first post where I promised to try to recreate the experience of sitting next to me at the bar on a Wednesday night. I’m pretty sure that I have succeeded on that front as I have been able to continue to rant and rave and philosophize in this space for three years. My goal has always been for this space to be 25% pop culture analysis, 25% music reviews, 25% philosophy and 25% making fun of Kansas and while I haven’t kept the percentages I still hit all of those categories on a regular basis. (I’m not sure what percentage is now related to My Beloved Lindsay).

Here are some stats over the past three years. I have written a total of 772 posts and I’m north of 500,000 words. That’s the equivalent of about seven or eight novels. I can’t believe that I’ve written that much. For three years I’ve sat down for five nights a week and have written just whatever happened to be on my mind and that turns into half a million words. My word document for this year is nearly three hundred pages long. When I think about writing a novel at least I know that I can sit down at a computer and write that much material.

I’ve also had more than 400 comments posted over the years and I thank everyone who has ever added their thoughts to the blog. It really is one of the reasons that I write this, to see what responses I can get from those who check this out on a regular basis. Even bigger thanks to those who have posted without ever having met me. I still can’t believe that I’ve had comments from other countries. As always, never be afraid to click on the comment link. If you can prove to me that you are not a robot intent on either a) taking over the world or b) placing Viagra ads on my page your opinion is always welcome.

So what are my goals for the next year? I’d like to keep up with the multimedia component and maybe grow it out a bit more. Music videos are awesome but at some point I should try to provide my own content there. I’d like to increase the readership a little more, which is something I have been saying that I would try for years but haven’t really attempted. And while my quality of writing has improved over the past few months (I feel that the Pick Up Artist reviews were some of the best things that I’ve written in ages) I also want to up the level of my writing. This might mean a little more philosophy and a lot more humor. Probably the same bad grammar though as I still do not have an editor. (For those who wonder, I almost never proofread what I write. I just want to get my thoughts out there no matter what the grammar police might say.) And I’ll be keeping this place ad free since, seriously, do you even want to think what contextual ads Google might try to put in this space?

As this is cause for celebration I am happy to announce that I am putting together Battling the Current Volume 3. For those new to the Battling the Current series, this is a compilation CD featuring all of the music that I love and you may have never heard of. I’ll be posting the track listing and cover art later this week but it should be great. Just drop me an email and I’ll make sure you get a copy (and feel free to request copies of volumes 1 and 2 as well). More on all of this later.

Again, thanks to everyone who has read this. I really do look forward to sitting down and writing every night. It doesn’t feel like work or an obligation and I think it is a great way for me to step outside of my stressful life and just be with my thoughts for a moment. Someone asked me how long I was going to keep this up and I answered four years or whenever I ran out of material. Right now I see myself going a lot longer than four years. Quo Vadimus.

Best of 120 Minutes: If I ever start podcasting, this will be the theme song. If Hard Harry could use Everybody Knows I can use 21st Century Digital Boy



The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Handsome Family “Through the Trees”
2) Cowboy Junkies “At the End of Paths Taken”
3) Damien Rice “9”
4) Monte Warden “A Stranger To Me Now”
5) Saw Doctors “Songs from Sun Street”

One win from a bowl game...

Best of 120 Minutes: Figured that since I featured videos from Veruca Salt and Liz Phair over the past two weeks I might as well complete the Wicker Park triumvirate and play Urge Overkill. There was a brief moment in the early 90’s when Chicago was considered to be a hip music town. It really just consisted of these three bands and the Smashing Pumpkins (sometimes people would stretch and include Hum and Poster Children but in all honesty, I’m the only person on the planet who still remembers those bands.) It’s strange as to how few good rock bands came from Chicago. Until the early 90’s the best group was Styx as Cheap Trick is technically from Rockford. Anyway, at one point in my life I recommended Urge Overkill (and Sister Havana in particular) as proof of my awesome taste in music. Yeah, that didn’t really work out for me.

I find it incredibly funny that the first game that Notre Dame wins is the one that I don’t watch. If I watch every down they play horribly. If I avoid the game completely they pull off a big road upset. In the words of that wonderful poet Alanis Morisette, “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think.” Well, at least I now don’t have to worry about a winless season. It’s still going to be a brutal season but that and a loss by USC makes life more bearable.

Plus, I did get to watch my Illini pull off one of their biggest wins ever. Ok, so it was a completely overranked Wisconsin team and I think that a few people had us as the favorites but damnit, we officially beat the number five team in the nation and that’s all I’m going to focus on. Do you know how long it has been since we beat a top five team? Hell, do you know how long it has been since we’ve won three conference games in a season? As always, I’m impressed by the current generation of Illini fans, who always wear orange and are loud and rambunctious. This is counter to when I was a student where we made up the most cynical fanbase ever. We booed our own team on homecoming. Admittedly, anyone who gives up a 17 point lead to Northwestern on homecoming deserves to be booed.

I’m just happy that my school is actually respectable in football again. Illinois is a school that never gets the respect it deserves. It’s one of the top schools in the country but no one ever realizes it. I was in a EE program that is equivalent to that at MIT, Stanford and Berkley but it’s tough to get anyone to admit it. Though I was happy to see that Dr. Holonyak got mentioned in the publicity commercial for the school at halftime. I met him a couple of times and the guy only invented the LED. Not a minor accomplishment.

Ok, there is one big music story that I need to touch on. As I mentioned last week, when I saw Arcade Fire with a three quarters filled Starlight I had my faith in humanity restored. Then I remembered that Garth Brooks was playing the Sprint Center in KC and I lost it again. Well, the tickets went on sale on Saturday and not only did that show sell out but they added eight additional shows. I’m not making this up. There is so much demand for Garth Brooks tickets in KC that he can sell out a basketball arena for nine consecutive nights. I’m not sure if this is a good sign for Kansas City or humanity in general.

Seriously, do you have any desire to see Garth Brooks? Even in a post-ironic “let’s make fun of the crowd” sense of the term? We’re talking about someone who hasn’t been relevant for a decade. Given that there are roughly 18,000 seats this means that nearly 150,000 people in this region want to see him play. That’s frightening. There is no other way to put it. I was one of like forty people seeing Mark Olson play. I doubt that Polyphonic Spree will sell out a small venue. But enough people for a sizable city want to see Garth. Just bizarre.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Belly “Star”
2) Cowboy Junkies “The Trinity Sessions”
3) Bob Dylan “The Essential Bob Dylan”
4) Jack Ingram “Jack Ingram”
5) The Gourds “Shinebox”

Losing a memory

Before I get started I feel that we need to set a small but very significant point of clarification. Natalie Portman shaving her head in order to portray Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta was an artistic and surprisingly attractive move. Brittney Spears shaving her head for, uh, do we have a reason for this? Is it safe to make a completely unfounded guess that she was suffering from an extremely severe lice infestation? No matter, regardless of the reason Brit now looks like the most psycho ex-girlfriend you have ever known. I mean, she’s probably three days away from slashing K-Fed’s tires.

There are so many unbelievable aspects to this story. First of all, I’d much rather be K-Fed’s agent right now than Brittney’s. With K-Fed I could continue the wrestling gig and with some acting classes probably turn him into a comedy act where he just becomes a caricature of himself. Right now, Brit can’t even get that Playboy cover I’ve always predicted. Second, place this in the proper perspective given that Brit is a mother of two. That just makes her seem crazier. Finally, in all my years of pop culture analysis I thought that I had seen it all. Now I feel like I haven’t even started.

Anyway, someone asked for my thoughts on my alma mater retiring Chief Illiniwek. For those of you who didn’t catch the story, Illinois has decided to retire the….I’m not sure what the proper term for this is. People called the Chief a mascot but I always felt that was wrong. A mascot hangs out with the cheerleaders and does funny skits and ends up high fiving players on the sidelines and the Chief didn’t do any of that. Some people called him a symbol, which to be honest is way too generous a term. Let’s just refer to the Chief as what he is, a white guy from the suburbs of Chicago who wore a headdress and danced at halftime.

People have been wanting to get rid of the Chief since I was a student and thanks to pressure from the NCAA it is finally coming to fruition. I’ll be honest, even as an alum I am not horribly upset by this. I would be up in arms if we were forced to give up the name “Fighting Illini” since that refers to World War I soldiers but the Chief always struck me as a very odd ritual. He really was just some dude from the suburbs, performing a dance that was created as a part of a Boy Scout project, in an authentic Sioux outfit though the Sioux tribe had nothing to do with the state of Illinois. It seemed out of place in the early 90’s and is even worse now.

What bothers me more is that this really wasn’t Illinois’ decision. They were basically blackmailed by the NCAA when they were told that they wouldn’t be able to host postseason events as long as the Chief existed. I’d be fine if this meant that all imagery at all schools was removed but Florida State is fine thanks to the Seminole nation approving their mascot. Who, and let me be absolutely clear here, rides bare-chested onto the football field astride a stallion and proceeds to throw a flaming spear into the turf as a declaration of war. Somehow, that is considered to be perfectly acceptable.

So in the end, I can’t say that I’m upset about this. I mean, this is U of I that we are talking about. We never got up in arms about anything other than the lines at Kams. If my son decided that he wanted to be an electrical engineer and attend Illinois like his dad I don’t think that the lack of the Chief would hamper his college experience. Especially given a major in electrical engineering, which would prove much more of a hindrance to his social life than any halftime entertainment. Sure, it’s another thing that I can list off in my “back in my day” speech but at the end of the day I’d rather see Bruce Weber recruit like Ron Zook and Ron Zook coach like Bruce Weber. If I had that, I’d be happy.

The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Guided by Voices “Human Amusements at Hourly Rates”
2) Robbie Fulks “Let’s Kill Saturday Night”
3) Aimee Mann “Whatever”
4) My Morning Jacket “Z”
5) My Morning Jacket “Okonokos”