4:53 P.M.: In what has to be a bad sign. Charlie Daniels took the stage and played the song “Devil Went Down to Georgia”, changing the line “I told you once you son of a bitch” to “I told you one you son of a gun.” I’m not sure what is worse, the fact that Charlie Daniels was just watched by about a billion people or the fact that we can no longer say the word bitch on national television. Odds of accidental nudity tonight: low
4:57 P.M.: I’m amazed; the Black Eyed Peas actually have more than one song. Or maybe the NBA just has the rights to “Let’s Get It Started”. Nice to see that they changed the crowd from cowboy hats to urban between sets.
4:58 P.M.: One of my favorite bands growing up, Earth Wind and Fire, just took the stage. That makes up for a bad pregame show just by itself.
5:02 P.M.: Might as well explain what I am doing here. Since I am watching the Super Bowl from home I thought that I might as well try to keep a running journal of my thoughts as I watch the game. I have no idea how this is going to work but it should be interesting. Right now, I’m settling down with some pizza and Rolling Rock, which I’m going to try to clean out of my fridge since I bought it last month. To explain the type of guy I am, I still have cans of Miller Genuine Draft Light in my fridge that was given to me at a Memorial Day picnic. I’m pretty sure that I am just waiting for Memorial Day to pass them off on someone else. Or hope they evaporate in the fridge. Or become collector’s items.
5:09 P.M.: I have no idea if there will be a commercial for this film but I have to talk about it. There’s a Vin Diesel comedy coming out this spring where Vin babysits five kids and a pet duck. I’m not kidding. I only need to know two things 1) Who pitched this idea and 2) Can they score me some pot.
5:10 P.M.: Is it me or does it look like Troy Aikman has a permanent concussion? Always looks like he’s about to collapse to the ground.
5:14 P.M.: Thought as I am watching the entertainment portion. Ashlee Simpson is coming to KC in a few months and the front row tickets to her show are available at my local ticket broker for $200+ a ticket. I want to meet the person that buys that ticket. I really hope that it is a parent who really owes their daughter something big. I really don’t want to imagine any other option.
5:19 P.M.: I’ll give the Patriots props for starting “We introduce ourselves as a team.” That is a super cool tradition and breaks up the ten minute “Wait as we introduce the Right Guard” part of the pregame show.
5:33 P.M.: Verizon Wireless has hit upon one of the golden rules of comedy “Monkeys = Funny”
5:36 P.M.: My favorite moment of the entire Super Bowl. A billion people watching world wide, all watching with intent interest, having to be explained “This side is heads and this side is tails.” Ok, the kid tossing the coin is having the highlight of his life.
5:37 P.M.: Stupid kid doesn’t know how to toss a coin. It was tails. I’m down fifty bucks and we haven’t even kicked off yet.
5:42 P.M.: Not a good sign, Eagles have already turned the ball over. Though the call should definitely be overturned.
5:44 P.M.: Bud Light gets the first commercial. Bud Light is not going to get me to jump out of a plane. Wouldn’t even get me out of my chair.
5:45 P.M.: Keanu Reaves as John Constantine (or the Hellblazer as those of us in the comics world know him) is just a travesty. A wooden actor playing an unbelievably cool role. How does he get work?
5:56 P.M.: See, I told you that I didn’t make up the Vin Diesel movie. The only movie that will give you a contact high.
6:02 P.M.: I want to get the world’s opinion right now. Who was the more familiar face in the Diet Pepsi commercial: Cindy Crawford or Carson from Queer Eye? Whatever happened to Cindy’s acting career? One movie with Richard Gere pretty much killed it. Oh, and while the commercial was neat, a website that allows you to reserve website names cheaply is a really stupid business plan. It’s not like the good ones aren’t already taken and for personal websites you can do what I do and have a free one from Blogger.
6:10 P.M.: You know, back in my Fantasy League draft, people thought I was nuts drafting Terrell Owens early in the second round. Three catches and a thirty yard catch with a broken leg shows that I know what I’m doing. Other than picking Matt Hasselback, from now on I never draft someone from Boston College.
6:17 P.M.: So, we’ve had commercials that show the real purpose of camera phones and what happens when you use a wireless headset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, always use a camera phone. It’s fun, it’s productive and in the long run it buys me beer.
6:23 P.M.: Fumble recovery by former Illini Eugene Wilson. If the Eagles keep on turning it over this is going to be a very ugly game.
6:27 P.M.: Tom Brady just got sacked. Notice how no one mentions how he used to date Tara Reid. That just doesn’t sound nearly as impressive as it did three years ago. Now it’s like half of the U.S. has dated Tara Reid. She is about one step away from the inevitable Playboy shoot or a lifetime of Cinemax movies right about now.
6:34 P.M.: I just find it cool the L.J. Smith has a tattoo of L on one arm and J on the other. Don’t see that every day.
6:35 P.M.: Touchdown L.J. Smith! Ok, I’m going to get a tattoo of E on one arm and C on the other just to honor my man L. J. It will go great with that barbed wire one I’m getting on my bicep. Just about ten years behind the times.
6:36 P.M.: Hey, M. C. Hammer got work. Good for him. Wonder how many times that commercial has to be shown before the IRS will leave him alone. It still has to be a better gig than appearing on The Surreal Life. (Oh and if you want to watch freaky reality shows, turn to VH1. You’ve got The Surreal Life with Mini-Me, Peter Brady, one of the Go Gos, and the pro wrestler formerly known as Chyna. Very, very disturbing. Add to that Celebrity Fit Club, where you get to watch fat celebrities sweat. Including the least successful Baldwin brother, in his most important role ever. It will make you feel skinny just by watching it.)
6:41 P.M.: Degree wins with best commercial so far with “Mama’s Boy.” With the mother who spews six different guilt trips. That’s awesome.
6:53 P.M.: More monkeys! Now in cubicles! Just like my real life. There just isn’t anything funnier than a monkey…
7:02 P.M.: Touchdown David Givens. The Domer gets on the board. I’ve got to say, Tom Brady just knows how to take a team down the field. He still isn’t a classic quarterback but he gets it done. (Oh, and most insane stat that I just heard. John Stallworth catching a touchdown pass in eight straight playoff games. That is just incredible.)
7:14 P.M.: Halftime. Time to switch over to the Girls Gone Wild Halftime Games. (Not really, but it is available for $15 bucks on my cable system. Excuse me, I’ve somehow locked up my cable system changing channels really quickly and have to fix it.)
7:38 P.M.: Sorry, no smarmy comments on the Paul McCartney halftime show. Was on the phone with my parents. Look, pop culture criticism has to stop every once in a while…
7:51 P.M.: Touchdown Mike Vrabel. Who now has two more touchdowns than Walter Payton does in the Super Bowl. Yes, I’m still a bitter Bears fan about that one. I’ll never be able to forgive Mike Ditka for having the Fridge score instead of Walter on that last one. Unless you watched the Bears your entire life, I’m not sure if you will ever understand.
8:01 P.M.: Monkeys in suits and hardhats. I sense we have a theme for the night….
8:02 P.M.: You know, since this is on Fox I feel that I have a question that must be raised. Whatever happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt? Seriously, did she vanish from the planet or something? I mean, she was the next big thing there for awhile and now I don’t think she could get an off-Broadway show right now. And Lacey Chabert I believe fell into a black hole. She hasn’t done anything since Not Another Teen Movie.
8:06 P.M.: The annual Cialis commercial. “See our ad in Golf Magazine”, now that is target marketing for you. And let’s face it, Cialis has the best possible damaging side effects ever.
8:13 P.M.: Touchdown Brian Westbrook. Damn that was a good throw. McNabb just rifled it through two guys for the score. That was the best pass of the night so far.
8:20 P.M.: Note to the Fox announcers: the championship games were two weeks ago, not last week you moron. It’s no surprise you never won a real ring Collinsworth.
8:27 P.M.: Corey Dillon redeems himself with a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Got to hand it to a guy who had to deal with playing in Cincinatti and setting a ton of records for a team that lost every game and who was never going to be noticed. Philadelphia’s defense seems to be having some serious problems in stopping anything that New England throws at it.
8:44 P.M.: Field goal by the Pats. Eagles need a lot of help if they want to come back in this game. (Oh, and does Nicole Ritchie officially win the award for “Most fame for the least amount of work.” Seriously, it’s not like Lionel Ritchie was that famous to begin with. It’s like the ultimate in being in the right place at the right time.)
8:48 P.M: Interception by Bruschi. Bad throw by McNabb. That might be it.
9:00 P.M.: Hey Philly, it’s called a no huddle offense. Use it every once in a while.
9:05 P.M.: Touchdown by Greg Lewis. Philly is back with a chance with less than two minutes to go. It’s going to be a fun ending…
9:17 P.M.: Interception. Ball game.
A good game. The lack of the entries near the end is a sign that I was actually watching the game as opposed to writing. The commercials weren’t as good as in recent years but a fun night. Now will Charlie Weis please report to Notre Dame immediately. And while I congratulate the good people of Boston, including a number of my good friends, seriously, enough is enough. How many championships does one town need? It’s going to be twenty years since my last NFL title. Can’t you share every once in a while?
The five random CDs for the week.
1) Old Crow Medicine Show “Old Crow Medicine Show”
2) R.E.M. “Monster”
3) The Connells “Still Life” (Damn you Canadian girlfriend!)
4) Coldplay “Live 2003”
5) Lucinda Williams “World Without Tears”
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