As I’ve been trying to catalog the blog I have had a great challenge in defining those entries when I write about a half dozen different topics. I’ve settled to occasionally just listing them as “Random Stuff”. Tonight is one of those nights.
Topic #1: I have to hand it to this town, when it rains it freaking rains. I think they issued a monsoon warning tonight. It’s nice though as the part of my neighborhood that floods is downstream from me so when I was walking back from trivia I could just follow the current (as opposed to battling it, as I am so often want). Has anyone else ever wondered how strange weather is when you think about it? We have no problems with sheets of water appearing out of nowhere, electricity emanating from above, or huge funnel clouds appearing and destroying everything in their path. We all assume that this is normal, it’s just the weather, but isn’t it bizarre at its essence. That occasionally you’ll get huge circular winds that send cows flying and it just happens. I know this sounds like something you discuss while sitting in a dorm room but for some reason I’ve just been fascinated by how easily humans have adapted to seemingly illogical situations.
Topic #2: It dawned on me at the concert last night that I haven’t seen my stalker for a few months. And I have to say that I am very sad and upset by this development. Have I done something wrong? I mean, who wouldn’t want to continue to stalk me? It was one of those great constants in my life, if I went to a show she would be there. With her camera. And we would proceed to have a wordless battle as we tried to see who could get closest to the stage. Sure, she frightened me at times but at least it was attention.
Topic #3: I thought I had seen everything while driving through KC but today I saw something that I never expected. It was a VW bug decorated with Hello Kitty imagery. And we’re not talking about a bumper sticker here, I mean an entire door was taken up with a fluorescent pink Hello Kitty. And the girl driving the car didn’t seem to be the Hello Kitty type. Just looked like the typical girl in her early twenties. It’s unique and everything (and I’ll never complain about anyone deciding to be unique) but I’m not sure what type of image it portrays. To me it shows that she is really into hip, ironic Japanese culture. To the rest of this town they probably think that she is either a) twelve years old or b) a cult member.
Topic #4: One last random news story that I want to write about (and I’m doing this based solely on headlines so don’t expect in depth analysis here). Did anyone catch the story about the eight year old who was 218 pounds? It was in the news because there was an argument as to whether the state could take the kid away from the mom if this level of obesity equated to child abuse. I’m not going to make any argument there since I didn’t read the story. However, how the hell could an eight year old be 218 pounds? I didn’t break 200 until I turned thirty and when I hit 218 last year I looked in the mirror and saw how fat I was and went out and lost 20 pounds. And I’m a hell of a lot taller than an eight year old.
Really, how in the world do you get that heavy? Do you eat sticks of butter for breakfast or something? I know that I’m different than a lot of people in that when I get stressed I stop eating but my god, 218 pounds when you’re in second grade? That said, he might make a good defensive tackle if he doesn’t have a heart attack before he turns sixteen.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Music in the city
I know that it is a common theme in the blog for me to rip on Kansas City and it’s nature as a AAA town that thinks it is in the major leagues. It’s easy comedy and for the most part I think I paint an accurate picture in a stranger in a strange land sort of way. But sometimes I realize that the small town nature of this place often works to my advantage. Like the fact that I’ve spent the past two nights going to concerts and I technically never had to get in my car to see them.
Last night I saw The Autumn Defense at the Record Bar. The Autumn Defense is a side project of Wilco and this meant that I had the rather disconcerting experience of finding myself standing next to John Stiratt at the back of a bar. It’s tough to explain what was going through my head when I met him. It’s not like John is one of my idols. He just happens to have played bass and sung harmony for two of my favorite bands of all time (Uncle Tupelo and Wilco). If I met Jeff Tweedy I know that I would immediately turn into a sniveling fanboy talking about how his music has shaped my life. John, well, John isn’t my idol but he has the life that I would most like to borrow.
See, I know I could never be the lead singer in a rock band. Put aside that minor aspect of my complete lack of vocal talent, I just don’t think that I ever would want to be that guy on stage with the spotlight shining down on me and the whole show being about me. It takes a certain type of ego to excel in that situation and I don’t have it. On the other hand, I could see myself playing bass, singing backup and helping out in the songwriting. I’d get to enjoy the music without any of the pressure. So it’s hard to try to convey that to a complete stranger, that you feel that they lead an ideal life.
(So what did I do? Said thanks for coming to town and wished him luck with the new Wilco record. It’s pretty much my default spiel to any musician.)
Their set was extremely good even with my being unfamiliar with most of their songs. It’s a lot closer to the early Wilco with harmonies and acoustic guitars and just really simple but effective songs. I’ll also have to give credit to the Record Bar who had set up the sound perfectly. It’s a small club but they have done an excellent job in turning the place into a music hangout. Oh, and spending a portion of the night talking to a very pretty woman who also is a big Wilco fan just was the icing on the cake. It’s incredible how quickly one can make a connection over music.
Tonight I made the trek over to the Beaumont Club to see Ben Kweller and Gomez. Ben Kweller brought the all ages crowd with him. Which means that I watched his set behind girls in high school jackets indicating that they are from the class of 2008. You wouldn’t believe how depressing that is to me. I am getting to the point where at one of these shows I am going to yell, “Does your father know what you are doing? Hell, do you know that I am old enough to be your father?” I seem to have misplaced my youth. I know I had it here a second ago.
(Also, hopefully when Funk reigns in KC we will get that law passed that will allow me to punch any guy wearing a Jim Morrison t-shirt at a concert. I really feel that I would be doing the world a service.)
Gomez put on another fine show. They’re a band with an interesting history. When they broke in the late 90’s people were calling them the next Beatles. They didn’t live up to that hype, mainly because it was impossible to do so. What they have done is consistently release strong albums that combine rock and blues with a little bit of attitude. It’s the type of music that grows on you. First time you listen to the CD you think it’s ok. Second time you start nodding your head with the tunes and before you know it you are jumping up and down at one of their shows singing “Got a haircut, got a silver tooth, gonna get myself arrested.” I’m bummed they never had the breakthrough success that people were hoping for but they’ve been able to make a living in the music biz and you can’t fault anyone for that.
(Final note: on the news this morning they mentioned the Mass. Street Café in Lawrence is closing. Typically you would think that I would complain here that a restaurant closing should not be considered a news event. However, I was completely bummed out by this. I eat there all the time. If I had time to kill before a show I would head over there, have some gumbo and a sandwich and watch as Lawrence walked by the windows. It was great food and a lot of free entertainment. I’m going to miss the place. And I’ll have to find someplace new for my pre-show meals.)
Last night I saw The Autumn Defense at the Record Bar. The Autumn Defense is a side project of Wilco and this meant that I had the rather disconcerting experience of finding myself standing next to John Stiratt at the back of a bar. It’s tough to explain what was going through my head when I met him. It’s not like John is one of my idols. He just happens to have played bass and sung harmony for two of my favorite bands of all time (Uncle Tupelo and Wilco). If I met Jeff Tweedy I know that I would immediately turn into a sniveling fanboy talking about how his music has shaped my life. John, well, John isn’t my idol but he has the life that I would most like to borrow.
See, I know I could never be the lead singer in a rock band. Put aside that minor aspect of my complete lack of vocal talent, I just don’t think that I ever would want to be that guy on stage with the spotlight shining down on me and the whole show being about me. It takes a certain type of ego to excel in that situation and I don’t have it. On the other hand, I could see myself playing bass, singing backup and helping out in the songwriting. I’d get to enjoy the music without any of the pressure. So it’s hard to try to convey that to a complete stranger, that you feel that they lead an ideal life.
(So what did I do? Said thanks for coming to town and wished him luck with the new Wilco record. It’s pretty much my default spiel to any musician.)
Their set was extremely good even with my being unfamiliar with most of their songs. It’s a lot closer to the early Wilco with harmonies and acoustic guitars and just really simple but effective songs. I’ll also have to give credit to the Record Bar who had set up the sound perfectly. It’s a small club but they have done an excellent job in turning the place into a music hangout. Oh, and spending a portion of the night talking to a very pretty woman who also is a big Wilco fan just was the icing on the cake. It’s incredible how quickly one can make a connection over music.
Tonight I made the trek over to the Beaumont Club to see Ben Kweller and Gomez. Ben Kweller brought the all ages crowd with him. Which means that I watched his set behind girls in high school jackets indicating that they are from the class of 2008. You wouldn’t believe how depressing that is to me. I am getting to the point where at one of these shows I am going to yell, “Does your father know what you are doing? Hell, do you know that I am old enough to be your father?” I seem to have misplaced my youth. I know I had it here a second ago.
(Also, hopefully when Funk reigns in KC we will get that law passed that will allow me to punch any guy wearing a Jim Morrison t-shirt at a concert. I really feel that I would be doing the world a service.)
Gomez put on another fine show. They’re a band with an interesting history. When they broke in the late 90’s people were calling them the next Beatles. They didn’t live up to that hype, mainly because it was impossible to do so. What they have done is consistently release strong albums that combine rock and blues with a little bit of attitude. It’s the type of music that grows on you. First time you listen to the CD you think it’s ok. Second time you start nodding your head with the tunes and before you know it you are jumping up and down at one of their shows singing “Got a haircut, got a silver tooth, gonna get myself arrested.” I’m bummed they never had the breakthrough success that people were hoping for but they’ve been able to make a living in the music biz and you can’t fault anyone for that.
(Final note: on the news this morning they mentioned the Mass. Street Café in Lawrence is closing. Typically you would think that I would complain here that a restaurant closing should not be considered a news event. However, I was completely bummed out by this. I eat there all the time. If I had time to kill before a show I would head over there, have some gumbo and a sandwich and watch as Lawrence walked by the windows. It was great food and a lot of free entertainment. I’m going to miss the place. And I’ll have to find someplace new for my pre-show meals.)
Monday, February 26, 2007
Twin Cinema
Today was an interesting day in the office. See, part of my weekend was spent reconfiguring my MP3 player and making sure that every single New Pornographers song was included. Somehow in that process I also copied over all of these Julie Delpy quotes that have congregated on my hard drive over the past decade (obsession is a wonderful thing). This meant that I spent much of today bouncing between killer pop songs, Neko Case singing and Julie Delpy reciting quotes from Before Sunrise. If you ever wanted to see EC the Happy Employee, this was the day. Nothing can put me in a bad mood with that as my background music.
Just a little Oscar night wrap-up. A few people caught Eddie Murphy’s reaction when he didn’t win, which came just short of him mouthing “Son of a…” on national television. Given that every single person had him winning the award this must have come as a surprise. What you didn’t notice is that he actually left the show soon after losing. Though, let’s face it, I wouldn’t have wanted to stick around that ceremony either. It went on forever and didn’t have any incredibly interesting moments. Nothing horrible, just four hours of blah.
It looks like my calls on Best Dressed match up with most of the experts. I gave it to the Cates (Blanchett and Winslet) and most people rank them high. Others liked Jennifer Lopez and I can’t just on general principle. She’s one of those people where I never quite understood the attraction. She wasn’t even the best looking Fly Girl, how could she be the most beautiful woman in Hollywood? The other name people mentioned for Best Dressed was Penelope Cruz and I can’t really disagree. Worst Dressed seems to be going to Anne Hathaway (in my mind, not great but not a horrible look), Kirsten Dunst (agreed if only because I can’t figure out how you make her look unattractive) and Jennifer Hudson (whose wearing a jacket on the red carpet has been viewed as such a faux pas you would have thought she had shown up wearing a swan like Bjork.) Not sure why this matters other than it is always fun to critique the fashion sense of celebrities when you are someone who wore gym shoes with everything until he was well into his thirties.
I have to give a shout out to How I Met Your Mother this evening with what has to be one of their best episodes in months. First off, I would like to thank them for including the scene where they picked up a hitchhiking Waldo. It’s nice to know that they gave me a cameo in the show based on my life. Plus, they did touch on how attached a guy gets to his first car even though it is a piece of junk. It’s what got you through college, a few road trips and even though the cassette player never worked right it still is yours. The first car I owned, a 1989 Chevy Cavalier that I bought in 1993, was famous for having windshield wipers that would turn themselves on in sunny weather and a cassette deck that if it liked a song would rewind and repeat it and if it didn’t it would eject the tape. Seriously, I never touched anything and the car would go, “This song sucks, I’m fast forwarding.” Those memories are hard to give up when you are forced to become an adult. Guess that’s why I’ve decided never to become one.
Just a little Oscar night wrap-up. A few people caught Eddie Murphy’s reaction when he didn’t win, which came just short of him mouthing “Son of a…” on national television. Given that every single person had him winning the award this must have come as a surprise. What you didn’t notice is that he actually left the show soon after losing. Though, let’s face it, I wouldn’t have wanted to stick around that ceremony either. It went on forever and didn’t have any incredibly interesting moments. Nothing horrible, just four hours of blah.
It looks like my calls on Best Dressed match up with most of the experts. I gave it to the Cates (Blanchett and Winslet) and most people rank them high. Others liked Jennifer Lopez and I can’t just on general principle. She’s one of those people where I never quite understood the attraction. She wasn’t even the best looking Fly Girl, how could she be the most beautiful woman in Hollywood? The other name people mentioned for Best Dressed was Penelope Cruz and I can’t really disagree. Worst Dressed seems to be going to Anne Hathaway (in my mind, not great but not a horrible look), Kirsten Dunst (agreed if only because I can’t figure out how you make her look unattractive) and Jennifer Hudson (whose wearing a jacket on the red carpet has been viewed as such a faux pas you would have thought she had shown up wearing a swan like Bjork.) Not sure why this matters other than it is always fun to critique the fashion sense of celebrities when you are someone who wore gym shoes with everything until he was well into his thirties.
I have to give a shout out to How I Met Your Mother this evening with what has to be one of their best episodes in months. First off, I would like to thank them for including the scene where they picked up a hitchhiking Waldo. It’s nice to know that they gave me a cameo in the show based on my life. Plus, they did touch on how attached a guy gets to his first car even though it is a piece of junk. It’s what got you through college, a few road trips and even though the cassette player never worked right it still is yours. The first car I owned, a 1989 Chevy Cavalier that I bought in 1993, was famous for having windshield wipers that would turn themselves on in sunny weather and a cassette deck that if it liked a song would rewind and repeat it and if it didn’t it would eject the tape. Seriously, I never touched anything and the car would go, “This song sucks, I’m fast forwarding.” Those memories are hard to give up when you are forced to become an adult. Guess that’s why I’ve decided never to become one.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Oscar Blog 2007
7:01 P.M.: And coming to you live from the Celebrity Wing of the Battling the Current Headquarters it is time for the 2007 Oscars. Tonight I’ll be joined by…by…yeah, this is kind of embarrassing. It’s just me and the hoverbot once again. I need to hire a party planner or something.
7:03 P.M.: The Oscars once again proves that Chris Connelly is still alive. This would be like the Grammy’s dragging out the corpse of Kurt Loder every year. (And I have to be honest, I was watching a video of the Beasties Boys “You’ve Got to Fight For Your Right” last night solely to see Tabitha Soren, who is in one of the party scenes.)
7:08 P.M.: A number of people have asked me about the hoverbot. I mean, it’s something that you can’t miss when you enter my apartment and she buzzes past your skull. It wasn’t part of my original design; I originally meant to build one of those cleaning robots but I went a little too overboard with the AI and it became self aware and declared “that she was above simple cleaning tasks.” Hence, I spent part of yesterday mopping my floors while a flying robot taunted me. Incredibly, this is exactly how I imagined what my life would be like growing up.
7:15 P.M.: Before the gala begins, I have to admit that I did mistakenly call the Anna Nicole Smith baby a he rather than a she. While I knew that I am going to blame the fact that she named the kid DanielLynn as opposed to the much simpler Danielle. However, it is nice to get obscure Simpsons references at two in the morning. And damn does Cate Blanchett look good.
7:23 P.M.: How can they flip a half dozen blurbs under Mark Wahlberg and never once list “Was previously a member of the Funky Bunch.”
7:33 P.M.: So the opening is just a bunch of people talking. I’m not sure if I miss Billy Crystal or not. On the other hand, if I ever get that screenplay written this would constitute my only chance at television stardom. Though anything gets Peter O’Toole on screen is a good thing.
7:35 P.M.: It’s a nice touch that they let all the nominees stand at the beginning of the ceremony. It also allows you to see how the editing people were screwed over and placed at the back of the auditorium again. Ellen Degeneres is our host, which means that we will have less costume changes than in the Whoopi era. Or the Billy Crystal era. Or any era, really.
7:42 P.M.: Maybe it’s just me, but Al Gore should never have shaved off his beard. I really liked that Rocky IV look he had after the 2000 election. His return would be much improved if it seemed as if he had just been a hermit for most of the decade.
7:45 P.M.: Nicole Kidman is going for the Charlize Theron “Let’s place the largest bow possible on my shoulder” look. I don’t get it, unless it is really meant to be a pillow. Plus, I know this is just me, but I liked Nicole better when she was a curly haired redhead. But that’s just me. And it’s the Oscar goes to, not the winner is. Because everyone is a winner here. (I swear that was the reasoning one year. It’s like the Oscars have become a Little League banquet.)
7:48 P.M.: Maggie Gyllenhal got the scientific award gig. These are the awards that I would have been eligible for, if I hadn’t, you know, decided to take the wrong engineering path. A guy I went to high school with, who at the time would have been universally regarded as a screw up, decided to become a computer genius and has won an Emmy and one of these days will win an Oscar for his work in computer graphics. Just saying that I blew my chance to meet Maggie Gyllenhall before I even knew who she was.
7:57 P.M.: Ok, I missed the opening of the Will Farrell and Jack Black bit because I had to catch the end of The Amazing Race. Which meant I probably missed the funniest moment of the night because I had to see if the coal miners were going to get eliminated. Pan’s Labyrinth wins again and they might take all of the technical awards, as should be given that the movie looks amazing.
8:04 P.M.: West Bank Story won for short film and from the twenty second clip, it looked like it was a sketch from a bad comedy show. And apparently it is a comedy based on a feud between falafel stands. Which sounds like the best movie idea, ever.
8:13 P.M.: The sound effects choir: a sign that a) tonight’s ceremony is going to run very long and b) the casts of Stomp, Blue Man Group and Cirque du Soleil were all unavailable.
8:17 P.M.: Have we had a real award yet? I mean, I know that at some point we have to make our way through all of the technical awards but typically you give out the Supporting Acting awards first so that those pictures can make the morning papers. This seems to make for a very strange opening to the show.
8:23 P.M.: A bit of an upset here as Alan Arkin upsets Eddie Murphy to win Best Supporting Actor. I’m pretty sure that Norbit ended up being the death knell on Eddie’s Oscar hopes (as it should be given that I feel that my IQ has fallen just from watching the commercials). Child stars Marky Mark and Jackie Earle Haley (who if I remember correctly, was in The Bad News Bears) get to at least know that as opposed to most child stars in this evening, their wearing of fancy clothes does not indicate that they are a maitre’d.
8:32 P.M.: Is just dawned on me that James Taylor looks exactly the same way as he did a decade ago. And probably two decades ago. Hell, for all I know he was born a middle aged bald man. And Kansas’ own Melissa Etheridge makes the show with a performance that includes advice on how to reduce your carbon footprint showing in the background. Though I have to say, Melissa does show that the best way to become a famous Kansas resident is by getting the hell out of Kansas.
8:38 P.M.: If Al Gore had discovered his sense of humor seven years ago we would live in a much different world today. Or if the Supreme Court would have ruled that the American people should decide an election the world would be a much different place. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Still, it would be interesting if Gore did run for president because I think that he would be the Democratic nominee. Not sure why, but that is what my gut tells me.
8:43 P.M.: You’d think that Cameron Diaz could have been bothered to brush her hair. I know it is an intentional look but I get the sense that she just got out of bed. And the penguins win yet another Oscar. And thanks to a very odd night at the bars a few months ago, I really can’t stand penguins. They always seem to screw up my social life. Oh, and I really didn’t need to be reminded that Ben Affleck has an Oscar and I don’t. But a tribute to writers in film is a nice touch in my own self serving way. Also, it allows for a couple of clips from Barton Fink, a movie better known for it being mentioned in the Simpsons than anything else.
8:49 P.M.: I should have been keeping track of all of the shots of Jack Nicholson. It’s a law, if Jack is at the Oscars he has to be shown at least one each segment. We’re at the Adapted Screenplay award. I like the fact that they had to announce the entire Borat title, which might be one of the longest in Oscar history. It would have been like having that one Fiona Apple album nominated for a Grammy. But Borat loses and doesn’t even get a shot in the crowd. Though the speech shows why some of us go into writing as opposed to acting.
8:57 P.M.: They’ve been having a lot more fun with Oscar commercials this year. Just in this segment we had a pretty cool commercial featuring Wes Anderson (one of my favorite directors just because of Rushmore) and the iPhone commercial (featuring a bunch of people saying Hello and not mentioning that they are building a phone that you basically can’t text message from).
9:00 P.M.: Is it quite fair to be named Anne Hathaway, be a talented actress, and also be incredibly beautiful? To have the same name as Shakespeare’s wife and be all of those things just seems to be so unlikely yet she is able to pull them off. If my prediction is correct and that people use Brit and Anna Nicole as an excuse to just hate the excesses of celebrity culture expect Anne Hathaway and Kirsten Dunst to be the next big mega stars. We still want to know about pretty actresses, we just want them to be sane.
9:05 P.M.: Free Katie! Free Katie! Sorry, Tom Cruise just took the stage and it is pretty much an automatic reaction. Apparently Tom can still get a gig in this town. Or at least a spot giving an intro on the Oscars.
9:12 P.M.: Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen Gwenyth Paltrow in years. She really went off to become a mom. Interesting fashion choice, though I think it works. I’d just be happier if she started acting again. Even though she did better playing British characters than she did American characters. Oh, and Chris Martin is one of the luckiest bastards on this planet. I never feel that I can emphasize that point enough.
9:17 P.M.: Great, now I have to worry about elephants stealing my credit cards. First a giant penguin steals my girl, next an elephant steals my wallet. The animal kingdom certainly seems to be out to get me.
9:29 P.M.: Cool tribute to the past winners of the Foreign Film awards. Though it does remind me that Kieslowski got screwed for the Three Colors trilogy because he was a Polish director filming in France and as a result, wasn’t eligible to be nominated. And Pan’s Labyrinth just got screwed while Cate Blanchett is just shooting up my list of Perfect Mates right now. My God, she just looks incredible tonight.
9:33 P.M.: I might as well just admit it, I wouldn’t mind growing up to be George Clooney. Or at least have his fashion sense. And maybe his hair. Clearly, he is the most successful member of The Facts of Life cast. And as expected, Jennifer Hudson wins the Oscar. While I don’t mind the unknown wins the Oscar story I am a little dismayed by the fact that American Idol is now the launching pad to acting careers. Hell, I’m dismayed by the fact that American Idol launches anything. Better than The Mickey Mouse Club.
9:49 P.M.: An Inconvenient Truth wins for Best Documentary. If there is any cause in the world to get behind, global warming is the one. It might be the most important thing that we can do and it might be the only way we can avoid the epitaph that Kurt Vonnegut has written for the human race, “We could’ve saved the world, but we were too damn lazy.”
9:55 P.M.: Note to self, if receiving honorary Oscar is dependent on Celine Dion singing remember to politely decline honorary Oscar.
10:11 P.M.: You know what I miss…hold that thought Kirsten Dunst is on screen. It would be nice if she smiled. Or wore a color other than light blue. And is that a school boy collar? My god, I am in sweatpants and a Duke sweatshirt right now and even I think that is a poor fashion decision. Anyway, what happened to the introduction of the accounting dudes who keep track of the ballots? It’s like they took the CPA exam for nothing now. Little Miss Sunshine wins the screenplay award, which gives me hope that one day I might be up there stumbling over my own words while talking about a movie based on my dysfunctional life.
10:29 P.M.: Melissa Etheridge picks up an Oscar, as all of the Dreamgirls songs cancel each other out. Given that Dreamgirls is a Broadway musical it just doesn’t seem right for it to be winning Oscars for music. Plus, the Oscars always seems to give the awards to pop stars and this isn’t nearly as bad as when Aimee Mann lost the Oscar to Phil freaking Collins.
10:40 P.M.: You know it’s getting late in the night when I just think that I saw a scene from The Naked Gun 33 and a Third on the Oscars. Kate Winslet, who is the youngest actress ever to be nominated for five Oscars, is also looking quite good tonight. Kate is cool just because she is one of the few actresses in Hollywood who looks normal. So much of Hollywood is in the Nicole Ritchie “let’s see if I can see every rib” mode and it’s nice to have someone with a positive body image on stage.
10:45 P.M.: Time for the “Remember those who have past” portion of the evening, which always confuses me as it seems to be a contest to see who can get the biggest applause. Thus, screwing over the editors yet again. And cheer for Glenn Ford damnit. And Don Knotts, he was on Three’s Company. Scotty gets a mention. And as it should be, Robert Altman gets the last note. (No mention of Anna Nicole, thus completely neglecting her breakthrough performance in Skyscraper.)
10:52 P.M.: I always appreciate the fact that no matter how he is dressed, Phillip Seymour Hoffman looks like he is coming off a bender where he was banned in half the bars in town. Like he went, “They wouldn’t have put whiskey in the limo if they didn’t want us to enjoy it.” Helen Mirren wins Best Actress as expected. As always, playing royalty puts you on a fast track to winning an Oscar. Helen Mirren did do an uncanny job in portraying the Queen, which isn’t as easy a task as one would expect.
11:04 P.M.: Another Oscar for the cast of Fast Times at Ridgemont High as Forrest Whitaker takes home Best Actor. It’s good to see him win for acting, he had taken a couple of years off from acting to direct. Back in the mid 90’s (when I was really watching a lot of films) I started to get a sense of how good of an actor he could be. And that was by watching films like Diary of a Hitman. Peter O’Toole still can’t win an Oscar but if you can’t take one home for Lawrence of Arabia you probably never will. And the curse of Growing Pains continues for Leo.
11:08 P.M.: Martin Scorsesee gets his lifetime achievement Oscar for The Departed. Let’s be honest, that’s what this is for. He got screwed over on a few too many films and this time they had to give him the award. Oh, an has anyone ever mentioned that Marty looks surprisingly like a Muppet? Or is that just a late night delusion.
11:14 P.M.: And The Departed takes home Best Picture. Probably the best choice, Little Miss Sunshine was never going to make it as it is at least ostensibly a comedy. It’s been an off year for movies but the Oscars have been a pretty enjoyable night. I’ll be happy to get some sleep.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Guster “Lost and Gone Forever”
2) Veruca Salt “Blow It Out Your Ass, It’s Veruca Salt”
3) Veruca Salt “Eight Arms to Hold You”
4) The Postal Service “Give Up”
5) Star 69 “Eating February”
7:03 P.M.: The Oscars once again proves that Chris Connelly is still alive. This would be like the Grammy’s dragging out the corpse of Kurt Loder every year. (And I have to be honest, I was watching a video of the Beasties Boys “You’ve Got to Fight For Your Right” last night solely to see Tabitha Soren, who is in one of the party scenes.)
7:08 P.M.: A number of people have asked me about the hoverbot. I mean, it’s something that you can’t miss when you enter my apartment and she buzzes past your skull. It wasn’t part of my original design; I originally meant to build one of those cleaning robots but I went a little too overboard with the AI and it became self aware and declared “that she was above simple cleaning tasks.” Hence, I spent part of yesterday mopping my floors while a flying robot taunted me. Incredibly, this is exactly how I imagined what my life would be like growing up.
7:15 P.M.: Before the gala begins, I have to admit that I did mistakenly call the Anna Nicole Smith baby a he rather than a she. While I knew that I am going to blame the fact that she named the kid DanielLynn as opposed to the much simpler Danielle. However, it is nice to get obscure Simpsons references at two in the morning. And damn does Cate Blanchett look good.
7:23 P.M.: How can they flip a half dozen blurbs under Mark Wahlberg and never once list “Was previously a member of the Funky Bunch.”
7:33 P.M.: So the opening is just a bunch of people talking. I’m not sure if I miss Billy Crystal or not. On the other hand, if I ever get that screenplay written this would constitute my only chance at television stardom. Though anything gets Peter O’Toole on screen is a good thing.
7:35 P.M.: It’s a nice touch that they let all the nominees stand at the beginning of the ceremony. It also allows you to see how the editing people were screwed over and placed at the back of the auditorium again. Ellen Degeneres is our host, which means that we will have less costume changes than in the Whoopi era. Or the Billy Crystal era. Or any era, really.
7:42 P.M.: Maybe it’s just me, but Al Gore should never have shaved off his beard. I really liked that Rocky IV look he had after the 2000 election. His return would be much improved if it seemed as if he had just been a hermit for most of the decade.
7:45 P.M.: Nicole Kidman is going for the Charlize Theron “Let’s place the largest bow possible on my shoulder” look. I don’t get it, unless it is really meant to be a pillow. Plus, I know this is just me, but I liked Nicole better when she was a curly haired redhead. But that’s just me. And it’s the Oscar goes to, not the winner is. Because everyone is a winner here. (I swear that was the reasoning one year. It’s like the Oscars have become a Little League banquet.)
7:48 P.M.: Maggie Gyllenhal got the scientific award gig. These are the awards that I would have been eligible for, if I hadn’t, you know, decided to take the wrong engineering path. A guy I went to high school with, who at the time would have been universally regarded as a screw up, decided to become a computer genius and has won an Emmy and one of these days will win an Oscar for his work in computer graphics. Just saying that I blew my chance to meet Maggie Gyllenhall before I even knew who she was.
7:57 P.M.: Ok, I missed the opening of the Will Farrell and Jack Black bit because I had to catch the end of The Amazing Race. Which meant I probably missed the funniest moment of the night because I had to see if the coal miners were going to get eliminated. Pan’s Labyrinth wins again and they might take all of the technical awards, as should be given that the movie looks amazing.
8:04 P.M.: West Bank Story won for short film and from the twenty second clip, it looked like it was a sketch from a bad comedy show. And apparently it is a comedy based on a feud between falafel stands. Which sounds like the best movie idea, ever.
8:13 P.M.: The sound effects choir: a sign that a) tonight’s ceremony is going to run very long and b) the casts of Stomp, Blue Man Group and Cirque du Soleil were all unavailable.
8:17 P.M.: Have we had a real award yet? I mean, I know that at some point we have to make our way through all of the technical awards but typically you give out the Supporting Acting awards first so that those pictures can make the morning papers. This seems to make for a very strange opening to the show.
8:23 P.M.: A bit of an upset here as Alan Arkin upsets Eddie Murphy to win Best Supporting Actor. I’m pretty sure that Norbit ended up being the death knell on Eddie’s Oscar hopes (as it should be given that I feel that my IQ has fallen just from watching the commercials). Child stars Marky Mark and Jackie Earle Haley (who if I remember correctly, was in The Bad News Bears) get to at least know that as opposed to most child stars in this evening, their wearing of fancy clothes does not indicate that they are a maitre’d.
8:32 P.M.: Is just dawned on me that James Taylor looks exactly the same way as he did a decade ago. And probably two decades ago. Hell, for all I know he was born a middle aged bald man. And Kansas’ own Melissa Etheridge makes the show with a performance that includes advice on how to reduce your carbon footprint showing in the background. Though I have to say, Melissa does show that the best way to become a famous Kansas resident is by getting the hell out of Kansas.
8:38 P.M.: If Al Gore had discovered his sense of humor seven years ago we would live in a much different world today. Or if the Supreme Court would have ruled that the American people should decide an election the world would be a much different place. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Still, it would be interesting if Gore did run for president because I think that he would be the Democratic nominee. Not sure why, but that is what my gut tells me.
8:43 P.M.: You’d think that Cameron Diaz could have been bothered to brush her hair. I know it is an intentional look but I get the sense that she just got out of bed. And the penguins win yet another Oscar. And thanks to a very odd night at the bars a few months ago, I really can’t stand penguins. They always seem to screw up my social life. Oh, and I really didn’t need to be reminded that Ben Affleck has an Oscar and I don’t. But a tribute to writers in film is a nice touch in my own self serving way. Also, it allows for a couple of clips from Barton Fink, a movie better known for it being mentioned in the Simpsons than anything else.
8:49 P.M.: I should have been keeping track of all of the shots of Jack Nicholson. It’s a law, if Jack is at the Oscars he has to be shown at least one each segment. We’re at the Adapted Screenplay award. I like the fact that they had to announce the entire Borat title, which might be one of the longest in Oscar history. It would have been like having that one Fiona Apple album nominated for a Grammy. But Borat loses and doesn’t even get a shot in the crowd. Though the speech shows why some of us go into writing as opposed to acting.
8:57 P.M.: They’ve been having a lot more fun with Oscar commercials this year. Just in this segment we had a pretty cool commercial featuring Wes Anderson (one of my favorite directors just because of Rushmore) and the iPhone commercial (featuring a bunch of people saying Hello and not mentioning that they are building a phone that you basically can’t text message from).
9:00 P.M.: Is it quite fair to be named Anne Hathaway, be a talented actress, and also be incredibly beautiful? To have the same name as Shakespeare’s wife and be all of those things just seems to be so unlikely yet she is able to pull them off. If my prediction is correct and that people use Brit and Anna Nicole as an excuse to just hate the excesses of celebrity culture expect Anne Hathaway and Kirsten Dunst to be the next big mega stars. We still want to know about pretty actresses, we just want them to be sane.
9:05 P.M.: Free Katie! Free Katie! Sorry, Tom Cruise just took the stage and it is pretty much an automatic reaction. Apparently Tom can still get a gig in this town. Or at least a spot giving an intro on the Oscars.
9:12 P.M.: Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen Gwenyth Paltrow in years. She really went off to become a mom. Interesting fashion choice, though I think it works. I’d just be happier if she started acting again. Even though she did better playing British characters than she did American characters. Oh, and Chris Martin is one of the luckiest bastards on this planet. I never feel that I can emphasize that point enough.
9:17 P.M.: Great, now I have to worry about elephants stealing my credit cards. First a giant penguin steals my girl, next an elephant steals my wallet. The animal kingdom certainly seems to be out to get me.
9:29 P.M.: Cool tribute to the past winners of the Foreign Film awards. Though it does remind me that Kieslowski got screwed for the Three Colors trilogy because he was a Polish director filming in France and as a result, wasn’t eligible to be nominated. And Pan’s Labyrinth just got screwed while Cate Blanchett is just shooting up my list of Perfect Mates right now. My God, she just looks incredible tonight.
9:33 P.M.: I might as well just admit it, I wouldn’t mind growing up to be George Clooney. Or at least have his fashion sense. And maybe his hair. Clearly, he is the most successful member of The Facts of Life cast. And as expected, Jennifer Hudson wins the Oscar. While I don’t mind the unknown wins the Oscar story I am a little dismayed by the fact that American Idol is now the launching pad to acting careers. Hell, I’m dismayed by the fact that American Idol launches anything. Better than The Mickey Mouse Club.
9:49 P.M.: An Inconvenient Truth wins for Best Documentary. If there is any cause in the world to get behind, global warming is the one. It might be the most important thing that we can do and it might be the only way we can avoid the epitaph that Kurt Vonnegut has written for the human race, “We could’ve saved the world, but we were too damn lazy.”
9:55 P.M.: Note to self, if receiving honorary Oscar is dependent on Celine Dion singing remember to politely decline honorary Oscar.
10:11 P.M.: You know what I miss…hold that thought Kirsten Dunst is on screen. It would be nice if she smiled. Or wore a color other than light blue. And is that a school boy collar? My god, I am in sweatpants and a Duke sweatshirt right now and even I think that is a poor fashion decision. Anyway, what happened to the introduction of the accounting dudes who keep track of the ballots? It’s like they took the CPA exam for nothing now. Little Miss Sunshine wins the screenplay award, which gives me hope that one day I might be up there stumbling over my own words while talking about a movie based on my dysfunctional life.
10:29 P.M.: Melissa Etheridge picks up an Oscar, as all of the Dreamgirls songs cancel each other out. Given that Dreamgirls is a Broadway musical it just doesn’t seem right for it to be winning Oscars for music. Plus, the Oscars always seems to give the awards to pop stars and this isn’t nearly as bad as when Aimee Mann lost the Oscar to Phil freaking Collins.
10:40 P.M.: You know it’s getting late in the night when I just think that I saw a scene from The Naked Gun 33 and a Third on the Oscars. Kate Winslet, who is the youngest actress ever to be nominated for five Oscars, is also looking quite good tonight. Kate is cool just because she is one of the few actresses in Hollywood who looks normal. So much of Hollywood is in the Nicole Ritchie “let’s see if I can see every rib” mode and it’s nice to have someone with a positive body image on stage.
10:45 P.M.: Time for the “Remember those who have past” portion of the evening, which always confuses me as it seems to be a contest to see who can get the biggest applause. Thus, screwing over the editors yet again. And cheer for Glenn Ford damnit. And Don Knotts, he was on Three’s Company. Scotty gets a mention. And as it should be, Robert Altman gets the last note. (No mention of Anna Nicole, thus completely neglecting her breakthrough performance in Skyscraper.)
10:52 P.M.: I always appreciate the fact that no matter how he is dressed, Phillip Seymour Hoffman looks like he is coming off a bender where he was banned in half the bars in town. Like he went, “They wouldn’t have put whiskey in the limo if they didn’t want us to enjoy it.” Helen Mirren wins Best Actress as expected. As always, playing royalty puts you on a fast track to winning an Oscar. Helen Mirren did do an uncanny job in portraying the Queen, which isn’t as easy a task as one would expect.
11:04 P.M.: Another Oscar for the cast of Fast Times at Ridgemont High as Forrest Whitaker takes home Best Actor. It’s good to see him win for acting, he had taken a couple of years off from acting to direct. Back in the mid 90’s (when I was really watching a lot of films) I started to get a sense of how good of an actor he could be. And that was by watching films like Diary of a Hitman. Peter O’Toole still can’t win an Oscar but if you can’t take one home for Lawrence of Arabia you probably never will. And the curse of Growing Pains continues for Leo.
11:08 P.M.: Martin Scorsesee gets his lifetime achievement Oscar for The Departed. Let’s be honest, that’s what this is for. He got screwed over on a few too many films and this time they had to give him the award. Oh, an has anyone ever mentioned that Marty looks surprisingly like a Muppet? Or is that just a late night delusion.
11:14 P.M.: And The Departed takes home Best Picture. Probably the best choice, Little Miss Sunshine was never going to make it as it is at least ostensibly a comedy. It’s been an off year for movies but the Oscars have been a pretty enjoyable night. I’ll be happy to get some sleep.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Guster “Lost and Gone Forever”
2) Veruca Salt “Blow It Out Your Ass, It’s Veruca Salt”
3) Veruca Salt “Eight Arms to Hold You”
4) The Postal Service “Give Up”
5) Star 69 “Eating February”
Thursday, February 22, 2007
House of Style
And now Brit is back in rehab. I haven’t seen the footage on YouTube yet, but I assume that there were people in LA wielding butterfly nets in an attempt to capture her and bring her back to rehab. Or maybe that is just in cartoons. However, why in the world is it that the conventional instrument used to subdue the mentally ill in cartoons is a butterfly net? It seems like a wholly ineffective methodology. I can’t imagine anyone stopping because they put a piece of gauze over their head. I know, maybe seeing someone getting tasered isn’t great for children but it has to be slightly more realistic.
(Also, the judge finally ruled that Anna Nicole’s estate (and more specifically, her body) is officially in the hands of her four month old son. I stand behind this decision as I’m pretty sure that the four month old is the sanest and smartest person in the whole thing.)
Just a heads up that since Sunday night is the Oscars I will once again be doing a live blog. While the awards don’t seem to hold as much entertainment promise as they have in years past (with the exception of Marky Mark winning and breaking out “Good Vibrations”) I’ll still give all of my usual commentary and fashion critiques. Mainly fashion critiques, which is even more interesting to read when you realize that I own t-shirts that can now apply for their own driver’s license. Yep, that Timberwolves t-shirt has passed the sixteen year mark. It also happens to be the first gift anyone gave me who wasn’t a member of my family so no effort would be sufficient to pry it from my closet.
(You see, yet another way How I Met Your Mother has stolen from my life. Except that I think that every guy holds on to things from ex-girlfriends. Partly because we are too lazy to throw anything away and partly because every guy believes, in his heart of hearts, that one day she is going to come back. There is something about the male psyche that simply does not allow rejection to be processed. If we were honest guys would respond to a girl breaking up with him by saying “How can you break up with me? I have excellent sperm. The odds of genetic mutation are quite low when compared to the rest of these morons.” Or maybe that’s just me.)
Speaking of fashion critiques and television shows, I have a strange addiction towards What Not to Wear on TLC. It’s not must-see tv but if I come across it I have to watch it for at least a few minutes. It might be the most cruel show on television as they sneak up on these poor women and tell them that they have no taste in clothes and are, to be blunt, ugly. At least on Queer Eye the guys were being embarrassed but it was with playful banter, here it is more like “We will destroy every cent of dignity you may have.” It’s kind of fascinating in an evil scientist sort of way.
The other thing that always keeps me watching is that they occasionally will choose someone who I think is cool and interesting before they do the whole makeover. Last weekend that had this woman from Seattle who was my age and who I would have gone out with in a second. Sure, she had an ultra-casual style and wore socks with sandals but it’s Seattle, I would consider that to be interesting eclecticism. Instead, they treated her like she was a disgrace to her family. Of course, she went through with the overhaul and did come out beautiful (to the point where my reaction was “she’s out of my league”) but she also ended up looking like everyone else. And that’s my problem with these shows. It’s great to not look like a slob but does that mean you also can’t look like an individual? We have enough clones walking around as it is, I’d prefer someone with a little bit of oft-kilter tastes.
(Also, the judge finally ruled that Anna Nicole’s estate (and more specifically, her body) is officially in the hands of her four month old son. I stand behind this decision as I’m pretty sure that the four month old is the sanest and smartest person in the whole thing.)
Just a heads up that since Sunday night is the Oscars I will once again be doing a live blog. While the awards don’t seem to hold as much entertainment promise as they have in years past (with the exception of Marky Mark winning and breaking out “Good Vibrations”) I’ll still give all of my usual commentary and fashion critiques. Mainly fashion critiques, which is even more interesting to read when you realize that I own t-shirts that can now apply for their own driver’s license. Yep, that Timberwolves t-shirt has passed the sixteen year mark. It also happens to be the first gift anyone gave me who wasn’t a member of my family so no effort would be sufficient to pry it from my closet.
(You see, yet another way How I Met Your Mother has stolen from my life. Except that I think that every guy holds on to things from ex-girlfriends. Partly because we are too lazy to throw anything away and partly because every guy believes, in his heart of hearts, that one day she is going to come back. There is something about the male psyche that simply does not allow rejection to be processed. If we were honest guys would respond to a girl breaking up with him by saying “How can you break up with me? I have excellent sperm. The odds of genetic mutation are quite low when compared to the rest of these morons.” Or maybe that’s just me.)
Speaking of fashion critiques and television shows, I have a strange addiction towards What Not to Wear on TLC. It’s not must-see tv but if I come across it I have to watch it for at least a few minutes. It might be the most cruel show on television as they sneak up on these poor women and tell them that they have no taste in clothes and are, to be blunt, ugly. At least on Queer Eye the guys were being embarrassed but it was with playful banter, here it is more like “We will destroy every cent of dignity you may have.” It’s kind of fascinating in an evil scientist sort of way.
The other thing that always keeps me watching is that they occasionally will choose someone who I think is cool and interesting before they do the whole makeover. Last weekend that had this woman from Seattle who was my age and who I would have gone out with in a second. Sure, she had an ultra-casual style and wore socks with sandals but it’s Seattle, I would consider that to be interesting eclecticism. Instead, they treated her like she was a disgrace to her family. Of course, she went through with the overhaul and did come out beautiful (to the point where my reaction was “she’s out of my league”) but she also ended up looking like everyone else. And that’s my problem with these shows. It’s great to not look like a slob but does that mean you also can’t look like an individual? We have enough clones walking around as it is, I’d prefer someone with a little bit of oft-kilter tastes.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Curiouser and Curiouser
I’m going to continue to report on the Britney Spears story, even though we have crossed the line from “unbelievably funny” to “pretty sad, really”. I’m not sure that most nervous breakdowns are played out on Entertainment Tonight (whose producers, by the way, must have made some pact with the devil to have Brit and Anna Nicole Smith all go down during Sweeps. Seriously, Congress needs to look into their involvement in this sordid mess.)
Anyway, thanks to the greatly improved efficiency of the modern rehab facility, Brit was able to check out today having been totally cured of her dependencies in less than 24 hours. (I’m still trying to figure out if rehab is for quitters what quitting rehab implies.) Right now I’ll stay positive and think that Brit’s just decided to give up all of her bad habits for Lent and thus doesn’t need rehab. More interesting is that I read two rumors about why she shaved her head. The first was from a London paper who apparently used my blog as a source in stating that she felt that her hair extensions were infested with lice. I did write that on Sunday night and if I’m right I really should play the lottery more often. The other rumor, unfounded but very interesting, is that during the divorce proceedings K-Fed mentioned getting a hair sample so they could test for what substances Brit may have been ingesting. This is fascinating as it a) explains why she would rashly cut off her hair, b) implies that K-Fed watches CSI and c) would show a level of cunning out of K-Fed that no one would ever have believed possible.
In other news, since yesterday was Mardi Gras that means that today is Ash Wednesday and the start of lent. So this marks the time of year where I eat more fish and cheese pizzas than normal and try to figure out how to be a better person. To be honest, given that I think that I’ve fallen a great deal in my quality as a person over the past few years (a post in its own right), this shouldn’t be that hard of a thing to do. The question is, what precisely should I do.
See, I’ve never been a big fan of giving up something for lent. Mainly because people will always choose something like chocolate and I don’t see that as really meaningful. Sure, you are giving up a treat and it is a bit of a sacrifice but at the end of the day I don’t think that makes you a better person. I have for years claimed that I am giving up negativity for lent, which is a wonderful concept but the toughest thing in the world for me to put into practice. By Friday I’ll end up yelling at birds for chirping and waking me up in the morning. So while I will try to be more positive, I’d rather do something than give something up.
That’s what I’ll be thinking about over the next few days. Find something that I can do that will make an impact somewhere. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, I just want to make something happen. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know, but I’d rather act this year than practice self-denial. I think that it will make the world a better place all around.
Anyway, thanks to the greatly improved efficiency of the modern rehab facility, Brit was able to check out today having been totally cured of her dependencies in less than 24 hours. (I’m still trying to figure out if rehab is for quitters what quitting rehab implies.) Right now I’ll stay positive and think that Brit’s just decided to give up all of her bad habits for Lent and thus doesn’t need rehab. More interesting is that I read two rumors about why she shaved her head. The first was from a London paper who apparently used my blog as a source in stating that she felt that her hair extensions were infested with lice. I did write that on Sunday night and if I’m right I really should play the lottery more often. The other rumor, unfounded but very interesting, is that during the divorce proceedings K-Fed mentioned getting a hair sample so they could test for what substances Brit may have been ingesting. This is fascinating as it a) explains why she would rashly cut off her hair, b) implies that K-Fed watches CSI and c) would show a level of cunning out of K-Fed that no one would ever have believed possible.
In other news, since yesterday was Mardi Gras that means that today is Ash Wednesday and the start of lent. So this marks the time of year where I eat more fish and cheese pizzas than normal and try to figure out how to be a better person. To be honest, given that I think that I’ve fallen a great deal in my quality as a person over the past few years (a post in its own right), this shouldn’t be that hard of a thing to do. The question is, what precisely should I do.
See, I’ve never been a big fan of giving up something for lent. Mainly because people will always choose something like chocolate and I don’t see that as really meaningful. Sure, you are giving up a treat and it is a bit of a sacrifice but at the end of the day I don’t think that makes you a better person. I have for years claimed that I am giving up negativity for lent, which is a wonderful concept but the toughest thing in the world for me to put into practice. By Friday I’ll end up yelling at birds for chirping and waking me up in the morning. So while I will try to be more positive, I’d rather do something than give something up.
That’s what I’ll be thinking about over the next few days. Find something that I can do that will make an impact somewhere. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, I just want to make something happen. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know, but I’d rather act this year than practice self-denial. I think that it will make the world a better place all around.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
How fat can a Tuesday get?
Lots and lots of topics tonight…
Topic # 1: So Britney has finally faced reality and checked into rehab. It still isn’t clear if this is “live on a farm for two months” rehab or the Lindsay Lohan approved “rehab where you are allowed to leave and go clubbing.” For our sake, I’m hoping that it is the former because otherwise we are just going to have an epidemic of fourteen year old girls shaving their heads to look like their idol. And Natalie Portman and Sigourney Weaver (in that Aliens film) aside, that really isn’t a good look.
All in all, this is a good thing for Brit as she is obviously dealing with a whole bunch of issues and is handling none of them well. An escape from the spotlight is well-deserved. However, I am now more and more amazed that Paris Hilton is still alive. I mean, how the hell is she still standing after all of this. Brit and Lindsay end up in rehab with their careers ruined. Nicole Ritchie is a walking skeleton. Tara Reid is missing and presumed passed out on a bar. And what the hell happened to the Olsen twins? They’re not even attractive anymore. But somehow, throughout all of this, Paris is still floating through life completely unharmed. I swear, she has to be Emperor Palpatine. I’d challenge her to a duel but her force lightning would be too powerful.
Topic # 2: I’ll say this about Kansas City, when winter ends in this town it ends. Last week was bitterly cold, to the point where you think about slicing open the Taunton and climbing inside for warmth. This week, we’re in the fifties and it feels like springtime. There really is no in between, one day you’re freezing to death and the next you are in shorts. At least this time we had an actual winter with snow that stayed on the ground and wind chills that caused your face to hurt. It felt almost, somewhat, vaguely like home. Not quite, but close.
Topic # 3: So, in preparation for putting Quo Vadimus together, a task that is looking so daunting that I might bail on it before it even starts, I am going through all of my old blog posts. This is a lot more taxing than I anticipated. There’s around 600 posts and it is tough to classify a lot of them without using the words “random stuff”. It’s interesting to see how things have changed. When I started I would at least pick a topic and stick to it, though I would also just post something from The Onion on a pretty regular basis. I’m happy I’ve stopped with the plagiarism but it wouldn’t hurt to not have every post be random thoughts. Oh, and I discovered that I make an awful, awful lot of Star Wars references. Including entire posts spent discussing the character of Boba Fett and the illogical nature of the Death Star having a trash compactor. I’m not sure if this is a good thing.
It’s why I’ve always joked about what happens when I tell someone about my blog. I like having people read this, as I hope that it is at times interesting and it shows off the creative side of my personality. On the other hand, since this is a very unfiltered view into my mind I have a feeling that people learn more about me than they would ever want to know. Hell, looking at the old posts even I was going “I can’t believe I told that story.” Some of those old posts make the Lindsay infatuation seem quaint.
Topic # 4: In rereading last night’s post I mentioned “News of the Starz” as a trivia category and realized that it would be awesome to have a category based entirely on Starzan’s life. Every question would start with the word “Dude” and reference places that had to be next to a body of water. (As always, feel free to check out the Starzan Tees link on the page. The guy is funny as all get out.)
Topic # 5: Time to go out and celebrate Mardi Gras. And to E and Super Dave, remember that it was Mardi Gras four years ago that we decided that, much like Steve Austin, I could be remade and that we had the technology. I do have to say that it has worked, maybe not in the manner that we initially intended but it did work. Still, how in the world was that four years ago? It seems like last week. Anyway, I’ll hoist a red headed slut in your honor, kind sirs.
Topic # 1: So Britney has finally faced reality and checked into rehab. It still isn’t clear if this is “live on a farm for two months” rehab or the Lindsay Lohan approved “rehab where you are allowed to leave and go clubbing.” For our sake, I’m hoping that it is the former because otherwise we are just going to have an epidemic of fourteen year old girls shaving their heads to look like their idol. And Natalie Portman and Sigourney Weaver (in that Aliens film) aside, that really isn’t a good look.
All in all, this is a good thing for Brit as she is obviously dealing with a whole bunch of issues and is handling none of them well. An escape from the spotlight is well-deserved. However, I am now more and more amazed that Paris Hilton is still alive. I mean, how the hell is she still standing after all of this. Brit and Lindsay end up in rehab with their careers ruined. Nicole Ritchie is a walking skeleton. Tara Reid is missing and presumed passed out on a bar. And what the hell happened to the Olsen twins? They’re not even attractive anymore. But somehow, throughout all of this, Paris is still floating through life completely unharmed. I swear, she has to be Emperor Palpatine. I’d challenge her to a duel but her force lightning would be too powerful.
Topic # 2: I’ll say this about Kansas City, when winter ends in this town it ends. Last week was bitterly cold, to the point where you think about slicing open the Taunton and climbing inside for warmth. This week, we’re in the fifties and it feels like springtime. There really is no in between, one day you’re freezing to death and the next you are in shorts. At least this time we had an actual winter with snow that stayed on the ground and wind chills that caused your face to hurt. It felt almost, somewhat, vaguely like home. Not quite, but close.
Topic # 3: So, in preparation for putting Quo Vadimus together, a task that is looking so daunting that I might bail on it before it even starts, I am going through all of my old blog posts. This is a lot more taxing than I anticipated. There’s around 600 posts and it is tough to classify a lot of them without using the words “random stuff”. It’s interesting to see how things have changed. When I started I would at least pick a topic and stick to it, though I would also just post something from The Onion on a pretty regular basis. I’m happy I’ve stopped with the plagiarism but it wouldn’t hurt to not have every post be random thoughts. Oh, and I discovered that I make an awful, awful lot of Star Wars references. Including entire posts spent discussing the character of Boba Fett and the illogical nature of the Death Star having a trash compactor. I’m not sure if this is a good thing.
It’s why I’ve always joked about what happens when I tell someone about my blog. I like having people read this, as I hope that it is at times interesting and it shows off the creative side of my personality. On the other hand, since this is a very unfiltered view into my mind I have a feeling that people learn more about me than they would ever want to know. Hell, looking at the old posts even I was going “I can’t believe I told that story.” Some of those old posts make the Lindsay infatuation seem quaint.
Topic # 4: In rereading last night’s post I mentioned “News of the Starz” as a trivia category and realized that it would be awesome to have a category based entirely on Starzan’s life. Every question would start with the word “Dude” and reference places that had to be next to a body of water. (As always, feel free to check out the Starzan Tees link on the page. The guy is funny as all get out.)
Topic # 5: Time to go out and celebrate Mardi Gras. And to E and Super Dave, remember that it was Mardi Gras four years ago that we decided that, much like Steve Austin, I could be remade and that we had the technology. I do have to say that it has worked, maybe not in the manner that we initially intended but it did work. Still, how in the world was that four years ago? It seems like last week. Anyway, I’ll hoist a red headed slut in your honor, kind sirs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
We can get it for you wholesale
Ok, I have a very important decision to make very quickly. What I choose is going to impact every single aspect of my life over the next several years. You know how sometimes you reach a fork in the road of life and you know that once you decide on a path your life will be forever altered? This is one of those times. So, here is my dilemma…
Do I put in a bid on eBay for Britney’s hair or for Lindsay’s appendix? I can’t afford both so it’s going to have to be one or the other.
You know, in a way I wish that I was kidding about this but you can put in a bid for Brit’s hair on eBay. I think that the salon is aiming at a million dollars, which seems awfully expensive for something that was probably a bad weave to begin with. And while Lindsay’s appendix is currently not for sale it is currently sitting in her freezer because she was afraid that it would end up on eBay. I mean, who would bid on an appendix? Especially unless you knew for certain that there was sufficient DNA to proceed with a cloning experiment. Not that I’ve, you know, thought about this or anything.
(Yeah, those last few sentences even disturbed me.)
I know that this is a little strange from someone who spent Thursday night ranting about the overkill of Anna Nicole Smith coverage but there is a difference between myself and the cable news channels. No one reads my blog in order to get a better understanding of world events. (Or at least I hope not.) This is meant to be silly with a few moments of philosophy tossed in when I’m feeling self-righteous. CNN and its ilk are meant to be news networks and I’m not kidding when I say that after writing my entry on Thursday I turned on the television and every single news channel was talking about Anna Nicole. I can understand E! covering this, everything else is just a mystery to me.
Still, Brit is working her way into the Pantheon of celebrity nervous breakdowns. This is in the Anne Heche crashing in someone’s apartment range or Martin Lawrence ranting in the middle of a street. I don’t think that we are at Margot Kidder level yet but it is pretty damn close. And, as horrible as this is to say, I feel like this just confirms one of my views on life; that life isn’t a tragedy, it’s a farce. Brit’s story really should be viewed as tragic; child star, mother of two, falls under an evil influence (Paris Hilton is getting more and more like Emperor Palpatine every day) and completely breaks down. But no one views it as a tragedy, we all consider it to be a farce. We don’t view Brit to be a real person, she’s more like a character in a Three Stooges bit. We’re all waiting for her to get hit in the head with a ladder right about now.
Maybe all of this will lead to us taking a step back from the celebrity enamored culture. We’ve pretty much torn down all of our idols in that regard. I can’t say that I would be upset if our culture moved in that direction, though it would make News of the Starz trivia categories a little tougher.
Do I put in a bid on eBay for Britney’s hair or for Lindsay’s appendix? I can’t afford both so it’s going to have to be one or the other.
You know, in a way I wish that I was kidding about this but you can put in a bid for Brit’s hair on eBay. I think that the salon is aiming at a million dollars, which seems awfully expensive for something that was probably a bad weave to begin with. And while Lindsay’s appendix is currently not for sale it is currently sitting in her freezer because she was afraid that it would end up on eBay. I mean, who would bid on an appendix? Especially unless you knew for certain that there was sufficient DNA to proceed with a cloning experiment. Not that I’ve, you know, thought about this or anything.
(Yeah, those last few sentences even disturbed me.)
I know that this is a little strange from someone who spent Thursday night ranting about the overkill of Anna Nicole Smith coverage but there is a difference between myself and the cable news channels. No one reads my blog in order to get a better understanding of world events. (Or at least I hope not.) This is meant to be silly with a few moments of philosophy tossed in when I’m feeling self-righteous. CNN and its ilk are meant to be news networks and I’m not kidding when I say that after writing my entry on Thursday I turned on the television and every single news channel was talking about Anna Nicole. I can understand E! covering this, everything else is just a mystery to me.
Still, Brit is working her way into the Pantheon of celebrity nervous breakdowns. This is in the Anne Heche crashing in someone’s apartment range or Martin Lawrence ranting in the middle of a street. I don’t think that we are at Margot Kidder level yet but it is pretty damn close. And, as horrible as this is to say, I feel like this just confirms one of my views on life; that life isn’t a tragedy, it’s a farce. Brit’s story really should be viewed as tragic; child star, mother of two, falls under an evil influence (Paris Hilton is getting more and more like Emperor Palpatine every day) and completely breaks down. But no one views it as a tragedy, we all consider it to be a farce. We don’t view Brit to be a real person, she’s more like a character in a Three Stooges bit. We’re all waiting for her to get hit in the head with a ladder right about now.
Maybe all of this will lead to us taking a step back from the celebrity enamored culture. We’ve pretty much torn down all of our idols in that regard. I can’t say that I would be upset if our culture moved in that direction, though it would make News of the Starz trivia categories a little tougher.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Losing a memory
Before I get started I feel that we need to set a small but very significant point of clarification. Natalie Portman shaving her head in order to portray Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta was an artistic and surprisingly attractive move. Brittney Spears shaving her head for, uh, do we have a reason for this? Is it safe to make a completely unfounded guess that she was suffering from an extremely severe lice infestation? No matter, regardless of the reason Brit now looks like the most psycho ex-girlfriend you have ever known. I mean, she’s probably three days away from slashing K-Fed’s tires.
There are so many unbelievable aspects to this story. First of all, I’d much rather be K-Fed’s agent right now than Brittney’s. With K-Fed I could continue the wrestling gig and with some acting classes probably turn him into a comedy act where he just becomes a caricature of himself. Right now, Brit can’t even get that Playboy cover I’ve always predicted. Second, place this in the proper perspective given that Brit is a mother of two. That just makes her seem crazier. Finally, in all my years of pop culture analysis I thought that I had seen it all. Now I feel like I haven’t even started.
Anyway, someone asked for my thoughts on my alma mater retiring Chief Illiniwek. For those of you who didn’t catch the story, Illinois has decided to retire the….I’m not sure what the proper term for this is. People called the Chief a mascot but I always felt that was wrong. A mascot hangs out with the cheerleaders and does funny skits and ends up high fiving players on the sidelines and the Chief didn’t do any of that. Some people called him a symbol, which to be honest is way too generous a term. Let’s just refer to the Chief as what he is, a white guy from the suburbs of Chicago who wore a headdress and danced at halftime.
People have been wanting to get rid of the Chief since I was a student and thanks to pressure from the NCAA it is finally coming to fruition. I’ll be honest, even as an alum I am not horribly upset by this. I would be up in arms if we were forced to give up the name “Fighting Illini” since that refers to World War I soldiers but the Chief always struck me as a very odd ritual. He really was just some dude from the suburbs, performing a dance that was created as a part of a Boy Scout project, in an authentic Sioux outfit though the Sioux tribe had nothing to do with the state of Illinois. It seemed out of place in the early 90’s and is even worse now.
What bothers me more is that this really wasn’t Illinois’ decision. They were basically blackmailed by the NCAA when they were told that they wouldn’t be able to host postseason events as long as the Chief existed. I’d be fine if this meant that all imagery at all schools was removed but Florida State is fine thanks to the Seminole nation approving their mascot. Who, and let me be absolutely clear here, rides bare-chested onto the football field astride a stallion and proceeds to throw a flaming spear into the turf as a declaration of war. Somehow, that is considered to be perfectly acceptable.
So in the end, I can’t say that I’m upset about this. I mean, this is U of I that we are talking about. We never got up in arms about anything other than the lines at Kams. If my son decided that he wanted to be an electrical engineer and attend Illinois like his dad I don’t think that the lack of the Chief would hamper his college experience. Especially given a major in electrical engineering, which would prove much more of a hindrance to his social life than any halftime entertainment. Sure, it’s another thing that I can list off in my “back in my day” speech but at the end of the day I’d rather see Bruce Weber recruit like Ron Zook and Ron Zook coach like Bruce Weber. If I had that, I’d be happy.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Guided by Voices “Human Amusements at Hourly Rates”
2) Robbie Fulks “Let’s Kill Saturday Night”
3) Aimee Mann “Whatever”
4) My Morning Jacket “Z”
5) My Morning Jacket “Okonokos”
There are so many unbelievable aspects to this story. First of all, I’d much rather be K-Fed’s agent right now than Brittney’s. With K-Fed I could continue the wrestling gig and with some acting classes probably turn him into a comedy act where he just becomes a caricature of himself. Right now, Brit can’t even get that Playboy cover I’ve always predicted. Second, place this in the proper perspective given that Brit is a mother of two. That just makes her seem crazier. Finally, in all my years of pop culture analysis I thought that I had seen it all. Now I feel like I haven’t even started.
Anyway, someone asked for my thoughts on my alma mater retiring Chief Illiniwek. For those of you who didn’t catch the story, Illinois has decided to retire the….I’m not sure what the proper term for this is. People called the Chief a mascot but I always felt that was wrong. A mascot hangs out with the cheerleaders and does funny skits and ends up high fiving players on the sidelines and the Chief didn’t do any of that. Some people called him a symbol, which to be honest is way too generous a term. Let’s just refer to the Chief as what he is, a white guy from the suburbs of Chicago who wore a headdress and danced at halftime.
People have been wanting to get rid of the Chief since I was a student and thanks to pressure from the NCAA it is finally coming to fruition. I’ll be honest, even as an alum I am not horribly upset by this. I would be up in arms if we were forced to give up the name “Fighting Illini” since that refers to World War I soldiers but the Chief always struck me as a very odd ritual. He really was just some dude from the suburbs, performing a dance that was created as a part of a Boy Scout project, in an authentic Sioux outfit though the Sioux tribe had nothing to do with the state of Illinois. It seemed out of place in the early 90’s and is even worse now.
What bothers me more is that this really wasn’t Illinois’ decision. They were basically blackmailed by the NCAA when they were told that they wouldn’t be able to host postseason events as long as the Chief existed. I’d be fine if this meant that all imagery at all schools was removed but Florida State is fine thanks to the Seminole nation approving their mascot. Who, and let me be absolutely clear here, rides bare-chested onto the football field astride a stallion and proceeds to throw a flaming spear into the turf as a declaration of war. Somehow, that is considered to be perfectly acceptable.
So in the end, I can’t say that I’m upset about this. I mean, this is U of I that we are talking about. We never got up in arms about anything other than the lines at Kams. If my son decided that he wanted to be an electrical engineer and attend Illinois like his dad I don’t think that the lack of the Chief would hamper his college experience. Especially given a major in electrical engineering, which would prove much more of a hindrance to his social life than any halftime entertainment. Sure, it’s another thing that I can list off in my “back in my day” speech but at the end of the day I’d rather see Bruce Weber recruit like Ron Zook and Ron Zook coach like Bruce Weber. If I had that, I’d be happy.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Guided by Voices “Human Amusements at Hourly Rates”
2) Robbie Fulks “Let’s Kill Saturday Night”
3) Aimee Mann “Whatever”
4) My Morning Jacket “Z”
5) My Morning Jacket “Okonokos”
Thursday, February 15, 2007
A low standard for icons
I’ve been thinking about the Anna Nicole Smith story and I have to say that I am perplexed by the entire thing. Well, maybe not perplexed as much as flummoxed. I’m not sure if that better fits the motion but you never get to say flummoxed in everyday conversation and it’s a perfectly good word. I need something to express my bewilderment at how this has become a national news story for a week now with no sign of ending.
First, we have the news anchors trying to describe how Anna Nicole is a celebrity. One said, and I swear this is a quote, that she rose to fame partly due to her appearance in Playboy. There really is no need for the word partly in that sentence. The only reason anyone knew who she was is due to her being Playmate of the Year during that brief moment in the early 90’s when Playboy was cool and hip again. She formed the triumvirate with Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy of Playmates who crossed over into the mainstream. It was an interesting time having Playboy mean something again. Though to be honest, I think the popularity was due to the fact that they started releasing videos into mall stores, which was unbelievably edgy at the time. Now, thanks to the pornification of America, Playboy seems to be rather quaint. Like, “Aw look, they just show pictures of naked women. And nary a midget to be seen.”
Still, while Pamela had enough acting talent to appear vapid and oblivious on Baywatch and Jenny realized that she was the joke and became a comedienne Anna became, well, Anna. A Naked Gun film here, a direct to video movie there, absolutely nothing memorable at all. Then E gives her a reality television show in which she is portrayed as a heavily medicated, possibly delusional, really, really dumb blonde and for some reason that equates to further fame. But it wasn’t fame in the “wow, she is really talented” sense or even the “man, I wish I could have that life” sense. No, she was famous because she was living a completely screwed up life and decided to televise it. And the viewing public ate it up.
For some reason, this causes television commenters to compare her to Marilyn Monroe. But really outside of the facts that they were a) blonde, b) appeared in Playboy and c) died young they have nothing in common other than they both had two legs. I mean, that comparison is a slight on Marilyn’s character and I don’t think that highly of her to begin with. Yet CNN is covering this story day in and day out, letting me know where the body is and what was in Anna’s fridge and what random dude is now claiming to be the father and you have to ask yourself, why are people caring about this?
That’s a really tough question to answer because of what it implies. We watch because we like hearing about famous people, especially when they fail. We like lurid details about a life that we aren’t leading. But more than anything we like news stories that allow us to be completely oblivious to the world around us. Watching CNN cover Anna Nicole is the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going “La la la la la”. Forget the war in Iraq complete with helicopter crashes killing a dozen soldiers. Cover your eyes from the images of New Orleans where huge sections of the city are still uninhabitable eighteen months after the storm. Ignore the fact that when you look at the people around you all you can see is lives filled with so much quiet desperation that you go deaf from all the noise. We’ll all just sit back and watch Anna in all of its meaningless and frivolous glory.
All I can say is that I’m flummoxed.
Have a good weekend everyone. Stay warm.
First, we have the news anchors trying to describe how Anna Nicole is a celebrity. One said, and I swear this is a quote, that she rose to fame partly due to her appearance in Playboy. There really is no need for the word partly in that sentence. The only reason anyone knew who she was is due to her being Playmate of the Year during that brief moment in the early 90’s when Playboy was cool and hip again. She formed the triumvirate with Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy of Playmates who crossed over into the mainstream. It was an interesting time having Playboy mean something again. Though to be honest, I think the popularity was due to the fact that they started releasing videos into mall stores, which was unbelievably edgy at the time. Now, thanks to the pornification of America, Playboy seems to be rather quaint. Like, “Aw look, they just show pictures of naked women. And nary a midget to be seen.”
Still, while Pamela had enough acting talent to appear vapid and oblivious on Baywatch and Jenny realized that she was the joke and became a comedienne Anna became, well, Anna. A Naked Gun film here, a direct to video movie there, absolutely nothing memorable at all. Then E gives her a reality television show in which she is portrayed as a heavily medicated, possibly delusional, really, really dumb blonde and for some reason that equates to further fame. But it wasn’t fame in the “wow, she is really talented” sense or even the “man, I wish I could have that life” sense. No, she was famous because she was living a completely screwed up life and decided to televise it. And the viewing public ate it up.
For some reason, this causes television commenters to compare her to Marilyn Monroe. But really outside of the facts that they were a) blonde, b) appeared in Playboy and c) died young they have nothing in common other than they both had two legs. I mean, that comparison is a slight on Marilyn’s character and I don’t think that highly of her to begin with. Yet CNN is covering this story day in and day out, letting me know where the body is and what was in Anna’s fridge and what random dude is now claiming to be the father and you have to ask yourself, why are people caring about this?
That’s a really tough question to answer because of what it implies. We watch because we like hearing about famous people, especially when they fail. We like lurid details about a life that we aren’t leading. But more than anything we like news stories that allow us to be completely oblivious to the world around us. Watching CNN cover Anna Nicole is the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going “La la la la la”. Forget the war in Iraq complete with helicopter crashes killing a dozen soldiers. Cover your eyes from the images of New Orleans where huge sections of the city are still uninhabitable eighteen months after the storm. Ignore the fact that when you look at the people around you all you can see is lives filled with so much quiet desperation that you go deaf from all the noise. We’ll all just sit back and watch Anna in all of its meaningless and frivolous glory.
All I can say is that I’m flummoxed.
Have a good weekend everyone. Stay warm.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Oh, Inverted World
In the end, I decided to play trivia tonight. Sadly, no one else did as it was the smallest crowd of people I’ve seen at the game since the snowstorm game. I’m not sure if that made things more or less depressing. Still, my two man team (which suffered defections of our own) came in second, which meant that the payout was the same as it usually is. Amazingly, this was on a night when the categories were things that we were not expecting much out of. Flags, Geography and 2006 song lyrics were all bad news. Luckily, there was a NASA category and that allowed me to pay my bar tab. Oh well, still an interesting way to spend an evening.
Hey, I’ve been meaning to mention this and now is as good of time as any. If anyone is interested in being a guest blogger sometime over the next month and a half please let me know. Starting March 1 and going through April 15 I am going to be working on, well, I’m not sure what I’m going to call it other than “Quo Vadimus”. Consider it a memoir/essay collection for simplicity’s sake. Basically, I am going to go through the 27 months of blog postings, take the best pieces, and rewrite them so that they are a much better read. I’m also going to be adding new material (hopefully around 20,000 words worth including stories on being the guy at the end of the bar, an ultrasound picture that changed my view of the world, and my journal of watching every Star Wars film back to back to back to back to back to back.) Since this means that I’m going to be spending time every evening writing and rewriting I wouldn’t mind taking a night off from my blog duties once in a while. So, if you ever wanted to post your innermost thoughts to the world, or at least to the dozens of people who read this site, here is your chance. Just drop me a line and we will work something out.
(Oh, and what amazes me is how I am preparing for this project. I have built a spreadsheet and I am going through all of my old posts and cataloging them. I have to be the only writer who, when he decides to write a book, makes sure that the first thing he does is build a spreadsheet. Probably explains my writing style. The good thing about this though is that it is identifying some old stories that will show up again in my novel or television series. One of my earliest posts is my jury duty story and that would probably be the second script I would write (which I might be doing this summer.) I know some people will say that I am reusing old material, I consider it to be taking all of these random thoughts I’ve had over the years and placing them in a cohesive package.)
Some quick thoughts on The Shins show, since I promised to write about it last night. Viva Voce opened and they were a pretty good act. I’ll give the woman who played guitar credit as she was the first woman I have ever seen not named Bonnie Raitt play a guitar solo that didn’t suck. Before anyone calls me a sexist pig for that statement, this is based on Juliana Hatfield’s great comment that it is physically impossible for a woman to play a guitar solo. You can call me a sexist pig for a lot of other reasons, this just isn’t one of them.
The Shins are a great band and they played a good mix of their old and new material. It is a slightly strange show to watch though as I’m not quite sure what the crowd’s reaction should be. It’s not music you dance to or sing along with. You kind of just stand there, nod your head, and go, “Man, that is so awesome.” It’s also cool that the band looks like a bunch of regular guys. The lead singer is a tan Kevin Spacey, one guy looks like SNLs Chris Parnell, another looks like he’s a mechanic in his spare time, and the drummer looks like he might possibly spontaneously combust on stage. Plus, I love the fact that the band doesn’t have a regular bass player. Two of the guys hand off the bass on every song. Like they’re going “Crap, I don’t want to play bass. Here, you do it.” It’s so random that I love it.
The other interesting thing is that even though these guys are being called the next big thing by every music magazine they are still playing small venues in college towns. A few years ago they were just some guys from Albuquerque. Then they were the guys from Garden State (or The O.C. or The Gilmore Girls). Now, they might become the next band that can actually play music to break into the mainstream and I really hope they are. It would be nice to see videos from real bands once more.
Hey, I’ve been meaning to mention this and now is as good of time as any. If anyone is interested in being a guest blogger sometime over the next month and a half please let me know. Starting March 1 and going through April 15 I am going to be working on, well, I’m not sure what I’m going to call it other than “Quo Vadimus”. Consider it a memoir/essay collection for simplicity’s sake. Basically, I am going to go through the 27 months of blog postings, take the best pieces, and rewrite them so that they are a much better read. I’m also going to be adding new material (hopefully around 20,000 words worth including stories on being the guy at the end of the bar, an ultrasound picture that changed my view of the world, and my journal of watching every Star Wars film back to back to back to back to back to back.) Since this means that I’m going to be spending time every evening writing and rewriting I wouldn’t mind taking a night off from my blog duties once in a while. So, if you ever wanted to post your innermost thoughts to the world, or at least to the dozens of people who read this site, here is your chance. Just drop me a line and we will work something out.
(Oh, and what amazes me is how I am preparing for this project. I have built a spreadsheet and I am going through all of my old posts and cataloging them. I have to be the only writer who, when he decides to write a book, makes sure that the first thing he does is build a spreadsheet. Probably explains my writing style. The good thing about this though is that it is identifying some old stories that will show up again in my novel or television series. One of my earliest posts is my jury duty story and that would probably be the second script I would write (which I might be doing this summer.) I know some people will say that I am reusing old material, I consider it to be taking all of these random thoughts I’ve had over the years and placing them in a cohesive package.)
Some quick thoughts on The Shins show, since I promised to write about it last night. Viva Voce opened and they were a pretty good act. I’ll give the woman who played guitar credit as she was the first woman I have ever seen not named Bonnie Raitt play a guitar solo that didn’t suck. Before anyone calls me a sexist pig for that statement, this is based on Juliana Hatfield’s great comment that it is physically impossible for a woman to play a guitar solo. You can call me a sexist pig for a lot of other reasons, this just isn’t one of them.
The Shins are a great band and they played a good mix of their old and new material. It is a slightly strange show to watch though as I’m not quite sure what the crowd’s reaction should be. It’s not music you dance to or sing along with. You kind of just stand there, nod your head, and go, “Man, that is so awesome.” It’s also cool that the band looks like a bunch of regular guys. The lead singer is a tan Kevin Spacey, one guy looks like SNLs Chris Parnell, another looks like he’s a mechanic in his spare time, and the drummer looks like he might possibly spontaneously combust on stage. Plus, I love the fact that the band doesn’t have a regular bass player. Two of the guys hand off the bass on every song. Like they’re going “Crap, I don’t want to play bass. Here, you do it.” It’s so random that I love it.
The other interesting thing is that even though these guys are being called the next big thing by every music magazine they are still playing small venues in college towns. A few years ago they were just some guys from Albuquerque. Then they were the guys from Garden State (or The O.C. or The Gilmore Girls). Now, they might become the next band that can actually play music to break into the mainstream and I really hope they are. It would be nice to see videos from real bands once more.
The youth of today are just too young
I was in Lawrence this evening to see The Shins and as I walked around town it dawned on me that I had a rather odd question on my mind. I wasn’t thinking about how good the band was going to be or where to grab dinner or even whether or not spending late nights at concerts in college towns is good for me from a career path perspective. No, I was wondering whether or not I should wear a coat to the concert or leave it in the car. Given that there was a below zero wind chill, this was a pretty serious internal debate.
In the end, comfort won out and I wore the coat. (My body is telling me more and more that my next move should be to warmer climate. When you’re walking around and your fingertips begin to go numb even though you are wearing gloves it’s a sign that all of those Chicago winters have taken their toll. Admittedly, global warming will make this a moot point in five years.) It was a rather interesting internal monologue as I had to decide between looking cool and freezing to death.
As I thought through it, I figured out that it doesn’t matter what I look like at these shows because my odds of meeting anyone are so slim anyway. I don’t walk in the door planning on chatting up a 19 year old sophomore or a 22 year old senior. Running into a cool grad student would be nice but that has almost never happened. And for a show like the Shins it is worse because when I walked in I was seriously the oldest guy there who wasn’t somebody’s dad.
I mean, shows like this and Carbon Leaf remind me of the fact that I am getting old. When I moved here a few years back going to shows in Lawrence was fine. I was just out of grad school and being around college kids was normal. (Hell, like all ND students I had a St. Mary’s girl who, well, I don’t know if I could say that she liked me. More like, she didn’t out and out despise me.) But then as the years went by the kids who had X’s on their hands began to look just like that, kids. And on Saturday night even the people who were drinking looked way too young to be in a bar. It’s tough to realize that you can no longer walk into a college bar and fade in. Now, my best hope is for people to think I’m just the guy working on his third graduate degree. Which isn’t that far from the truth.
(Though I do have to say, over the years in Lawrence I have had some interesting nights. For some reason, my best luck in meeting women has occurred at Ani DiFranco shows. Possibly due to the odds being in my favor, possibly due to the fact that I stood out like a sore thumb. Then there was the Mindy Smith show where I met my stalker. And then there was the woman who asked me if I had any pot at a Gillian Welch show of all things. So yeah, my batting average at these shows is not very high.)
The show was good. I’ll write about it tomorrow. Right now, I want to rest my feet. Another sign that I’m getting old: standing in one spot for three straight hours causes every body part to ache. It’s one thing for my bad shoulder to start hurting; it’s done that every morning for nearly a decade. Tonight my good shoulder decided to get in on the act. Some people claim I’m not enthusiastic for the bands, in reality sometimes cheering is just too painful.
In the end, comfort won out and I wore the coat. (My body is telling me more and more that my next move should be to warmer climate. When you’re walking around and your fingertips begin to go numb even though you are wearing gloves it’s a sign that all of those Chicago winters have taken their toll. Admittedly, global warming will make this a moot point in five years.) It was a rather interesting internal monologue as I had to decide between looking cool and freezing to death.
As I thought through it, I figured out that it doesn’t matter what I look like at these shows because my odds of meeting anyone are so slim anyway. I don’t walk in the door planning on chatting up a 19 year old sophomore or a 22 year old senior. Running into a cool grad student would be nice but that has almost never happened. And for a show like the Shins it is worse because when I walked in I was seriously the oldest guy there who wasn’t somebody’s dad.
I mean, shows like this and Carbon Leaf remind me of the fact that I am getting old. When I moved here a few years back going to shows in Lawrence was fine. I was just out of grad school and being around college kids was normal. (Hell, like all ND students I had a St. Mary’s girl who, well, I don’t know if I could say that she liked me. More like, she didn’t out and out despise me.) But then as the years went by the kids who had X’s on their hands began to look just like that, kids. And on Saturday night even the people who were drinking looked way too young to be in a bar. It’s tough to realize that you can no longer walk into a college bar and fade in. Now, my best hope is for people to think I’m just the guy working on his third graduate degree. Which isn’t that far from the truth.
(Though I do have to say, over the years in Lawrence I have had some interesting nights. For some reason, my best luck in meeting women has occurred at Ani DiFranco shows. Possibly due to the odds being in my favor, possibly due to the fact that I stood out like a sore thumb. Then there was the Mindy Smith show where I met my stalker. And then there was the woman who asked me if I had any pot at a Gillian Welch show of all things. So yeah, my batting average at these shows is not very high.)
The show was good. I’ll write about it tomorrow. Right now, I want to rest my feet. Another sign that I’m getting old: standing in one spot for three straight hours causes every body part to ache. It’s one thing for my bad shoulder to start hurting; it’s done that every morning for nearly a decade. Tonight my good shoulder decided to get in on the act. Some people claim I’m not enthusiastic for the bands, in reality sometimes cheering is just too painful.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Maybe I don't wanna know what love is...
I have to admit, this entire Air Supply concert on Wednesday night fascinates me in the same way that car wrecks cause everyone to slow down on an expressway. It’s one thing to try to envision what it is like to see Air Supply in concert on Valentine’s Day. I mean, how do you spring that on your significant other? “Hey baby, for our special day let’s go see a vaguely popular band from the early 80’s. No, not the one with the guy who always wore a headband. That’s Foreigner.” Add that to the fact that the show is in a casino that, and I’m not making this up, decided to stay open this week after a chemical plant exploded one mile away sending potentially toxic smoke into the air. I’m pretty sure that if I sprung this on my Canadian girlfriend it would be grounds for a breakup.
(Luckily, that’s not an option for me given that she is in Vancouver and all. What? No, I’m not making her up. Why would you think that?)
But this is what just blows my mind about this whole Air Supply thing. I wrote this same spiel in the blog last year because they had the exact same concert. Yes, this is the second straight year of Air Supply playing a Valentine’s Day gig in Kansas City. This means that not only did the show sell enough tickets last year to warrant a return trip but they are now trying to turn this into a tradition. There aren’t many traditions in Kansas City besides celebrating the Royals elimination from playoff contention in mid-May and, well, this isn’t one that I would try to pin my civic pride on. Again, part of me wants to go to show because it has the possibility of being the most unintentionally funny thing I’ll see all year. It also could be the most depressing event of the year, which will probably lead me to just hang around a bar and paying for my bar tab by answering trivia questions.
Staying on the relationship front, I read this stat today that interested me. It said that 55 percent of men had made a mix CD as a romantic gesture. First off, I was actually surprised that it was that low. For some reason I expected that this was just standard procedure. But what interests me more is what they didn’t ask in this survey, which is whether or not this romantic gesture actually worked or not. My feeling is that this number is a hell of a lot less than 55 percent and probably explains why a portion of the male population is smart enough not to make mix tapes. Maybe this is just my experience, which given the fact that my mix CDs tend to be met with reactions like “Please don’t ever speak to me again” and “We really should be talking through our lawyers” might not be typical. (Though for some reason those reactions always come with phrases like “By the way, where did you find out about Sufjan Stevens? His stuff is awesome.”)
On that note, I’m going to take an early night from the blog so I can sit back and watch Before Sunset one more time. I might be a cynical bastard a lot of the time but I sure like to think that one day I’ll have the girl of my dreams magically reappear into my life while I’m on a book tour. And if she looks surprisingly like Julie Delpy and plays guitar I would definitely miss my plane back to the States.
(Luckily, that’s not an option for me given that she is in Vancouver and all. What? No, I’m not making her up. Why would you think that?)
But this is what just blows my mind about this whole Air Supply thing. I wrote this same spiel in the blog last year because they had the exact same concert. Yes, this is the second straight year of Air Supply playing a Valentine’s Day gig in Kansas City. This means that not only did the show sell enough tickets last year to warrant a return trip but they are now trying to turn this into a tradition. There aren’t many traditions in Kansas City besides celebrating the Royals elimination from playoff contention in mid-May and, well, this isn’t one that I would try to pin my civic pride on. Again, part of me wants to go to show because it has the possibility of being the most unintentionally funny thing I’ll see all year. It also could be the most depressing event of the year, which will probably lead me to just hang around a bar and paying for my bar tab by answering trivia questions.
Staying on the relationship front, I read this stat today that interested me. It said that 55 percent of men had made a mix CD as a romantic gesture. First off, I was actually surprised that it was that low. For some reason I expected that this was just standard procedure. But what interests me more is what they didn’t ask in this survey, which is whether or not this romantic gesture actually worked or not. My feeling is that this number is a hell of a lot less than 55 percent and probably explains why a portion of the male population is smart enough not to make mix tapes. Maybe this is just my experience, which given the fact that my mix CDs tend to be met with reactions like “Please don’t ever speak to me again” and “We really should be talking through our lawyers” might not be typical. (Though for some reason those reactions always come with phrases like “By the way, where did you find out about Sufjan Stevens? His stuff is awesome.”)
On that note, I’m going to take an early night from the blog so I can sit back and watch Before Sunset one more time. I might be a cynical bastard a lot of the time but I sure like to think that one day I’ll have the girl of my dreams magically reappear into my life while I’m on a book tour. And if she looks surprisingly like Julie Delpy and plays guitar I would definitely miss my plane back to the States.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Acting like a college kid...
Just a couple of things on my mind tonight after a day spent doing laundry and cleaning my apartment. Or more accurately, a day spent lying on my couch watching old episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 while hoping that my apartment would begin to magically clean itself while the laundry elves attacked the pile of clothes in my bedroom.
In what I consider to be classic EC style, on my way to see Carbon Leaf in concert I roll my ankle while just walking down the sidewalk. Seriously, I’m so clumsy I can’t walk down the street perfectly sober without injuring myself. Didn’t do any major damage (thanks to the fact that I wear hiking boots for this very reason) but let me tell you, it is so much fun to roll your ankle and then stand for four straight hours without moving. Yeah, that was a new type of pain. The type where walking back to your car fills you with dread.
Thankfully, it was a great show. This marks the fifth time I’ve seen the band despite the fact that a part of me wants to hate the band because the lead singer is this good looking guy with a magnetic personality and I find it totally unfair for a guy to get to be all that and be in a rock band. However, the music is really good so that counters the fact that I’m a jealous bastard when it comes to other people being successful.
This was the first time that I’ve ever seen Carbon Leaf headline and you could actually tell that they weren’t used to it. Even the band seemed to grow tired after 70 minutes, like they were so used to being off the stage by that point. They’re a college rock band at heart but on a Saturday night in a college town that is exactly what you want to listen to. Not every band has to sing about saving the world. The highlight was easily the encore when the band did a completely unplugged, unamplified version of “Learn to Fly”. It’s always impressive when a band can pull something like that off and they had the musicianship and presence to do so.
In other news, it’s dawned on me that I do need to figure out what I’ll do on Wednesday night. Right now my options are a) play trivia, b) see Air Supply in concert at the casino or c) settle down with a bottle of Jack Daniels and moan about my existence. Wow, when playing trivia in a bar is the most psychologically sound option it tends to put your life in perception. I know, I know, this is my annual bitching about Valentine’s Day but it just bothers me that we have this one day a year that seems to exist solely to remind single people how alone they are in the world. It’s like a day dedicated to proving how meaningless your life is just because you happen to be really comfortable in your own skin and don’t have to justify your existence based on who you have next to you. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Still, the number I saw today is that the average American will spend 120 bucks on Valentine’s Day. That’s a lot of trivia games in my book. When you factor in the people like me who spend nothing you wonder what that number really is.
Oh, and speaking of bitterness, is it right for me to be jealous of a cartoon character? On the Simpsons I was upset with Bart for a) not marrying Natalie Portman when he had the opportunity and b) getting to make out with Natalie Portman on general principles. Even though I was nicknamed Bart before the Simpsons ever aired and have viewed Bart as a somewhat alter ego I’m still upset about this. Not as upset as I am about the fact that the show seemed to jump the shark a good six years ago yet it continues to air and ruin its legacy but upset nonetheless.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jay Farrar “Stone, Steel & Bright Lights”
2) Alejandro Escovedo “Por Vida”
3) The Insiders “Not for Sale”
4) Jeff Buckley “Grace”
5) Belly “King”
In what I consider to be classic EC style, on my way to see Carbon Leaf in concert I roll my ankle while just walking down the sidewalk. Seriously, I’m so clumsy I can’t walk down the street perfectly sober without injuring myself. Didn’t do any major damage (thanks to the fact that I wear hiking boots for this very reason) but let me tell you, it is so much fun to roll your ankle and then stand for four straight hours without moving. Yeah, that was a new type of pain. The type where walking back to your car fills you with dread.
Thankfully, it was a great show. This marks the fifth time I’ve seen the band despite the fact that a part of me wants to hate the band because the lead singer is this good looking guy with a magnetic personality and I find it totally unfair for a guy to get to be all that and be in a rock band. However, the music is really good so that counters the fact that I’m a jealous bastard when it comes to other people being successful.
This was the first time that I’ve ever seen Carbon Leaf headline and you could actually tell that they weren’t used to it. Even the band seemed to grow tired after 70 minutes, like they were so used to being off the stage by that point. They’re a college rock band at heart but on a Saturday night in a college town that is exactly what you want to listen to. Not every band has to sing about saving the world. The highlight was easily the encore when the band did a completely unplugged, unamplified version of “Learn to Fly”. It’s always impressive when a band can pull something like that off and they had the musicianship and presence to do so.
In other news, it’s dawned on me that I do need to figure out what I’ll do on Wednesday night. Right now my options are a) play trivia, b) see Air Supply in concert at the casino or c) settle down with a bottle of Jack Daniels and moan about my existence. Wow, when playing trivia in a bar is the most psychologically sound option it tends to put your life in perception. I know, I know, this is my annual bitching about Valentine’s Day but it just bothers me that we have this one day a year that seems to exist solely to remind single people how alone they are in the world. It’s like a day dedicated to proving how meaningless your life is just because you happen to be really comfortable in your own skin and don’t have to justify your existence based on who you have next to you. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Still, the number I saw today is that the average American will spend 120 bucks on Valentine’s Day. That’s a lot of trivia games in my book. When you factor in the people like me who spend nothing you wonder what that number really is.
Oh, and speaking of bitterness, is it right for me to be jealous of a cartoon character? On the Simpsons I was upset with Bart for a) not marrying Natalie Portman when he had the opportunity and b) getting to make out with Natalie Portman on general principles. Even though I was nicknamed Bart before the Simpsons ever aired and have viewed Bart as a somewhat alter ego I’m still upset about this. Not as upset as I am about the fact that the show seemed to jump the shark a good six years ago yet it continues to air and ruin its legacy but upset nonetheless.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jay Farrar “Stone, Steel & Bright Lights”
2) Alejandro Escovedo “Por Vida”
3) The Insiders “Not for Sale”
4) Jeff Buckley “Grace”
5) Belly “King”
Thursday, February 08, 2007
End of an era...
Correct me if I’m wrong but did CNN have Wolf Blitzer discussing the life and times of Anna Nicole Smith today? Somehow I don’t feel that is what Wolf imagined his career would amount to. Sure, it is a news event when a celebrity dies but I’m not sure that it ranks as breaking news requiring your top anchor to drop everything to cover every detail. It just seems so bizarre that the biggest news story of the day was the death of a former Playboy Playmate. If you want to know what our priorities are as a country, there you are.
(Oh, and I found out that Newsweek had a big article last week on kids who are idolizing Paris Hilton and her ilk. The only thing of note from the entire article is the term used to describe the young girls who dress like their skanky idols. They are called “Prostitots”. Man, I feel dirty just writing the word.)
I’m going through a bit of a transition right now as I finally accomplished one of those things that has been on my list of things to do for months and bought a new laptop. Of course, I’m not using that to write on right now as this change is going to take a bit of time as I’ll explain. It’s a very strange story.
I’ve been wanting to get a new laptop for months as Julie the laptop, my faithful companion for the past five and a half years, is really beginning to show her age and I don’t know how long her lifespan is. And since I knew that Microsoft was going to release Vista I figured I might as well wait until it was out so I can get a top of the line system with everything pre-installed. Which I did, getting this massive laptop with a 17 inch screen that is portable in the sense that you can move it from room to room but probably shouldn’t take it outside. Seriously, when I fire this machine up the lights dim. As I got it started and configured it asked for the machine’s name and I, after much consternation, typed in “Natalie”. Thus, naming my new machine after Natalie Portman. And the moment I did it I felt like I was cheating on Julie. And even as self-aware as I am I can’t quite make sense of this emotion.
First off, I’m not sure if I’m upset at myself for cheating on Julie Delpy with Natalie Portman. Mainly, this just means that my screen backdrop now features a moderately known actress as opposed to a nearly completely unknown one. But I still feel bad even though I’ve never come close to meeting either of them. It’s like I’m letting someone down who I’ve never met before because I’m no longer dedicating a computer to them. So even I think this is a bit nonsensical.
Which means that I am really saddened by the fact that I won’t be using this particular machine any more. There is at least a reason for that. I truly have used this machine day in and day out for five and a half years. It earned my MBA with me, spending more late nights at the Doermer Center than half of my class and running more regressions than any machine this side of a supercomputer should have to attempt. It’s made more than a few trips with me around the country and has always worked, no matter what I’ve done with it. The biggest thing is that every word that I’ve written over the past few years has been typed on Julie. 99.9% of the blog has been written by me sitting down and looking at this screen and writing whatever comes to mind.
I know it’s odd to feel emotion to a bunch of silicon but given all that we’ve been through I really feel like I owe a lot to this machine. That’s why Julie isn’t going to be retired just yet. Sure, I’ll start transferring more and more of my work to Natalie, especially once I get her configured and running Office and install the high speed internet. But I still have a few things in store for this old girl. This is still going to be my main writing machine, especially for my big projects. I am just too used to the keyboard to switch to anything else. Plus, I can actually use it as a laptop again as opposed to just leaving it on my desk every day. Even more, I think I’m going to turn it into a really big MP3 player and use the drive space to store most of my CD collection. Admittedly, this will mean that I will have more active computers than I have desk space but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
So if things look a little screwy over the next couple of weeks or I seem a little ill at ease know its because I’m making a pretty major life change. True, it’s involving computers but most of you know how much time I spend at a computer so, yeah, this is big. Also, for those of you wondering why I keep on talking about Julie Delpy and don’t know who in the world I am referring to I ask that you go to Best Buy and pick up Before Sunset. You can get the DVD for five bucks. Watch it and you’ll understand my attachment.
Speaking of that, next Wednesday is the big day that I always dread. Which means I’ll have to relive my tradition of watching Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. And then listen to Morrissey discs in the dark.
(Oh, and I found out that Newsweek had a big article last week on kids who are idolizing Paris Hilton and her ilk. The only thing of note from the entire article is the term used to describe the young girls who dress like their skanky idols. They are called “Prostitots”. Man, I feel dirty just writing the word.)
I’m going through a bit of a transition right now as I finally accomplished one of those things that has been on my list of things to do for months and bought a new laptop. Of course, I’m not using that to write on right now as this change is going to take a bit of time as I’ll explain. It’s a very strange story.
I’ve been wanting to get a new laptop for months as Julie the laptop, my faithful companion for the past five and a half years, is really beginning to show her age and I don’t know how long her lifespan is. And since I knew that Microsoft was going to release Vista I figured I might as well wait until it was out so I can get a top of the line system with everything pre-installed. Which I did, getting this massive laptop with a 17 inch screen that is portable in the sense that you can move it from room to room but probably shouldn’t take it outside. Seriously, when I fire this machine up the lights dim. As I got it started and configured it asked for the machine’s name and I, after much consternation, typed in “Natalie”. Thus, naming my new machine after Natalie Portman. And the moment I did it I felt like I was cheating on Julie. And even as self-aware as I am I can’t quite make sense of this emotion.
First off, I’m not sure if I’m upset at myself for cheating on Julie Delpy with Natalie Portman. Mainly, this just means that my screen backdrop now features a moderately known actress as opposed to a nearly completely unknown one. But I still feel bad even though I’ve never come close to meeting either of them. It’s like I’m letting someone down who I’ve never met before because I’m no longer dedicating a computer to them. So even I think this is a bit nonsensical.
Which means that I am really saddened by the fact that I won’t be using this particular machine any more. There is at least a reason for that. I truly have used this machine day in and day out for five and a half years. It earned my MBA with me, spending more late nights at the Doermer Center than half of my class and running more regressions than any machine this side of a supercomputer should have to attempt. It’s made more than a few trips with me around the country and has always worked, no matter what I’ve done with it. The biggest thing is that every word that I’ve written over the past few years has been typed on Julie. 99.9% of the blog has been written by me sitting down and looking at this screen and writing whatever comes to mind.
I know it’s odd to feel emotion to a bunch of silicon but given all that we’ve been through I really feel like I owe a lot to this machine. That’s why Julie isn’t going to be retired just yet. Sure, I’ll start transferring more and more of my work to Natalie, especially once I get her configured and running Office and install the high speed internet. But I still have a few things in store for this old girl. This is still going to be my main writing machine, especially for my big projects. I am just too used to the keyboard to switch to anything else. Plus, I can actually use it as a laptop again as opposed to just leaving it on my desk every day. Even more, I think I’m going to turn it into a really big MP3 player and use the drive space to store most of my CD collection. Admittedly, this will mean that I will have more active computers than I have desk space but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
So if things look a little screwy over the next couple of weeks or I seem a little ill at ease know its because I’m making a pretty major life change. True, it’s involving computers but most of you know how much time I spend at a computer so, yeah, this is big. Also, for those of you wondering why I keep on talking about Julie Delpy and don’t know who in the world I am referring to I ask that you go to Best Buy and pick up Before Sunset. You can get the DVD for five bucks. Watch it and you’ll understand my attachment.
Speaking of that, next Wednesday is the big day that I always dread. Which means I’ll have to relive my tradition of watching Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. And then listen to Morrissey discs in the dark.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Rehab is for quitters
While driving to work this morning I found myself behind a truck that had a bumper sticker on it that read “Sheep!” The exclamation point was included and it was in one of those bad, early 80’s fonts that you used to see all the time in Dynomite magazine. To say that I was perplexed by this bumper sticker is an understatement. Possibly this is a grand social statement, as the person behind the wheel of the Ford F-150 is challenging the rest of the world to stop following the herd. That’s not entirely likely given the fact that he was driving a Ford F-150. This leads to the second possibility that this guy just really, really likes sheep. And given that Kansas City does not have a large shepherding community this disturbs me even more.
One last Super Bowl comment, I swear. This isn’t even about the game itself but about the brilliant Animal Planet counterprogramming of Puppy Bowl III. For those of you who didn’t switch to this at some point during the game (or at least the pre-game) I am sorry but you missed one of the most amazing sights ever on a television set. For hours Animal Planet showed a football field filled with, well, puppies. Puppies running around and playing, well, except for the bulldog who just kind of hung out in the endzone. After watching it for five minutes your head felt like it was about to explode due to cuteness overload and that’s when they would switch to the water bowl cam. When people say digital cable ensures that there is something for everyone this should be the prime example.
Switching gears yet again, I guess I should discuss the latest in my beloved Lindsay’s never ending rehab saga. In what I consider to be a very encouraging sign, Lindsay left rehab to go party with Paris Hilton. Some people consider it to be reckless, I view it as an indication as to just how well her rehab is going. I mean, you wouldn’t hang out with someone like Paris if you were worried about being tempted into doing any sort of illicit behavior. So, since we all know Lindsay to be an intelligent and rational woman this is clearly a sign of her strength of will where even the swinging of a bottle of Grey Goose in front of her will not cause her to falter.
(Sigh. You know, we are getting to the point where even I wouldn’t date Lindsay now. It’s sad to think that the dude who runs Girls Gone Wild is probably the best she’ll ever be able to do.)
But more interesting to me is some of the recent hubbub about Paris Hilton and her storage locker and what they found inside. The website has been shutdown, mainly because they included medical papers with her social security number on them as opposed to whether they legally owned the material, but people are a bit up in arms about what was in there including tapes of racial slurs and drug references and just altogether naughtiness. I swear that CNN had an article on their website about whether or not Paris Hilton was sending a good message to girls growing up. To which my response is…
Who in their right mind would ever look at Paris f’ing Hilton as a role model?
Seriously, I know we slag on the youth of America but even they are smart enough to know that Paris is worthless. No one can quite explain how she even became this famous. She was on the cover a few magazines, attended some parties and, thanks to the fact that E! needs to fill up twenty four hours of programming, was thrown down our throats as someone who is important. She’s not even the best looking member of her family, Nikki is prettier and seeing her on television doesn’t leave you with the feeling that you should be taking penicillin. There has never been anyone who has made more of a career of being famous for nothing other than being famous. At least Zsa Zsa Gabor occasionally acted, Paris doesn’t even really do that. Just remember that in a few years the plastic surgery won’t hold anymore and there will be a new starlet in town and Paris will just float away into memory. And boy, won’t that be an interesting second act.
One last Super Bowl comment, I swear. This isn’t even about the game itself but about the brilliant Animal Planet counterprogramming of Puppy Bowl III. For those of you who didn’t switch to this at some point during the game (or at least the pre-game) I am sorry but you missed one of the most amazing sights ever on a television set. For hours Animal Planet showed a football field filled with, well, puppies. Puppies running around and playing, well, except for the bulldog who just kind of hung out in the endzone. After watching it for five minutes your head felt like it was about to explode due to cuteness overload and that’s when they would switch to the water bowl cam. When people say digital cable ensures that there is something for everyone this should be the prime example.
Switching gears yet again, I guess I should discuss the latest in my beloved Lindsay’s never ending rehab saga. In what I consider to be a very encouraging sign, Lindsay left rehab to go party with Paris Hilton. Some people consider it to be reckless, I view it as an indication as to just how well her rehab is going. I mean, you wouldn’t hang out with someone like Paris if you were worried about being tempted into doing any sort of illicit behavior. So, since we all know Lindsay to be an intelligent and rational woman this is clearly a sign of her strength of will where even the swinging of a bottle of Grey Goose in front of her will not cause her to falter.
(Sigh. You know, we are getting to the point where even I wouldn’t date Lindsay now. It’s sad to think that the dude who runs Girls Gone Wild is probably the best she’ll ever be able to do.)
But more interesting to me is some of the recent hubbub about Paris Hilton and her storage locker and what they found inside. The website has been shutdown, mainly because they included medical papers with her social security number on them as opposed to whether they legally owned the material, but people are a bit up in arms about what was in there including tapes of racial slurs and drug references and just altogether naughtiness. I swear that CNN had an article on their website about whether or not Paris Hilton was sending a good message to girls growing up. To which my response is…
Who in their right mind would ever look at Paris f’ing Hilton as a role model?
Seriously, I know we slag on the youth of America but even they are smart enough to know that Paris is worthless. No one can quite explain how she even became this famous. She was on the cover a few magazines, attended some parties and, thanks to the fact that E! needs to fill up twenty four hours of programming, was thrown down our throats as someone who is important. She’s not even the best looking member of her family, Nikki is prettier and seeing her on television doesn’t leave you with the feeling that you should be taking penicillin. There has never been anyone who has made more of a career of being famous for nothing other than being famous. At least Zsa Zsa Gabor occasionally acted, Paris doesn’t even really do that. Just remember that in a few years the plastic surgery won’t hold anymore and there will be a new starlet in town and Paris will just float away into memory. And boy, won’t that be an interesting second act.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
What's on my mind...
It’s random comment time! It’s kind of like Peanut Butter Jelly Time except, you know, without the baseball bat.
1) My last Super Bowl comment. I should have known that Indianapolis was going to win the Super Bowl the moment that the Colts dedicated the game to Barbaro. You just can’t match that type of emotional commitment. The best the Bears could do was a pledge to work to prevent forest fires.
2) As of yesterday, if you typed “Battling the Current” into Google this blog is the number two link out of a million plus possibilities. If you search for “kcgatsby” every single link is in one way or another related to my media empire. I don’t know if this impresses anyone else but I’m really proud of this accomplishment. Especially the “battling the current” one as that is a real phrase that someone could legitimately search for. I’ve at least convinced search engines that I’m important.
3) Ok, one more Super Bowl comment. I personally found the Robert Goulet ad to be the best of the night. There really isn’t enough Robert Goulet on television, the guy seems perfectly willing to parody his own personality and does a great job at it. The Bud Light slapping people instead of fist bumps is a rip off of How I Met Your Mother and in turn, me. I so totally started doing that at trivia two months ago. Otherwise none of the commercials were anything that I would remember forty eight hours later, much less a year from now.
4) Great news on the mayoral front as we have brought the noise and the Funk in the latest poll. He ranked second amongst the apparently three dozen candidates for mayor and if he holds that position it would give him a run off in the general election. Yes, this city is about to get funkified. Plus, the guy in first place is named Alvin and seriously, who the hell would vote for someone named Alvin. If I was him I would have changed my name the first chance I got. And probably to “Optimus Prime.”
5) I’m serious, how friggin cool would it to be named Optimus Prime? I’d do it just so I could announce myself on conference calls. Hell, I’d hold calls just to do roll. Life would just be improved if everyone referred to you as Optimus.
6) Thankfully, after watching How I Met Your Mother last night I realized that I didn’t somehow forget meeting Emmitt Smith at some point in my life. Apparently, Super Dave is the one who met him (and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually had). My doppelganger Ted simply built a sensory depravation headset and I designed one of those in college. How else were you supposed to study in a bar?
7) It was strange how I ended up at the Lindsay Buckingham show on Friday night. It really was a recommendation show, as a lot of my friends who are into music told me that I had to see the show. Typically you can’t get me to a show on the promise of virtuoso guitar playing (I get bored at around the fourth solo) but I decided that Lindsay was always the sanest member of Fleetwood Mac. That’s not much of a compliment, it’s pretty much the equivalent of calling someone the tallest Smurf. I think Stevie Nicks had to declare bankruptcy due to he scarf habit.
8) I had good seats to both shows over the weekend but in a really random occurrence both times I sat on the aisle by a doorway. This typically wouldn’t be a problem except that the Uptown Theater is drafty and people left the doors open and it was in the single digits meaning that every two minutes a very cold breeze would blow in my direction. I’ve never been tempted to put on a pair of gloves at a show before. I’m trying to think of what would look less cool? Somehow having mittens pinned to your shirt at a punk rock show would probably be so uncool that it is cool.
1) My last Super Bowl comment. I should have known that Indianapolis was going to win the Super Bowl the moment that the Colts dedicated the game to Barbaro. You just can’t match that type of emotional commitment. The best the Bears could do was a pledge to work to prevent forest fires.
2) As of yesterday, if you typed “Battling the Current” into Google this blog is the number two link out of a million plus possibilities. If you search for “kcgatsby” every single link is in one way or another related to my media empire. I don’t know if this impresses anyone else but I’m really proud of this accomplishment. Especially the “battling the current” one as that is a real phrase that someone could legitimately search for. I’ve at least convinced search engines that I’m important.
3) Ok, one more Super Bowl comment. I personally found the Robert Goulet ad to be the best of the night. There really isn’t enough Robert Goulet on television, the guy seems perfectly willing to parody his own personality and does a great job at it. The Bud Light slapping people instead of fist bumps is a rip off of How I Met Your Mother and in turn, me. I so totally started doing that at trivia two months ago. Otherwise none of the commercials were anything that I would remember forty eight hours later, much less a year from now.
4) Great news on the mayoral front as we have brought the noise and the Funk in the latest poll. He ranked second amongst the apparently three dozen candidates for mayor and if he holds that position it would give him a run off in the general election. Yes, this city is about to get funkified. Plus, the guy in first place is named Alvin and seriously, who the hell would vote for someone named Alvin. If I was him I would have changed my name the first chance I got. And probably to “Optimus Prime.”
5) I’m serious, how friggin cool would it to be named Optimus Prime? I’d do it just so I could announce myself on conference calls. Hell, I’d hold calls just to do roll. Life would just be improved if everyone referred to you as Optimus.
6) Thankfully, after watching How I Met Your Mother last night I realized that I didn’t somehow forget meeting Emmitt Smith at some point in my life. Apparently, Super Dave is the one who met him (and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually had). My doppelganger Ted simply built a sensory depravation headset and I designed one of those in college. How else were you supposed to study in a bar?
7) It was strange how I ended up at the Lindsay Buckingham show on Friday night. It really was a recommendation show, as a lot of my friends who are into music told me that I had to see the show. Typically you can’t get me to a show on the promise of virtuoso guitar playing (I get bored at around the fourth solo) but I decided that Lindsay was always the sanest member of Fleetwood Mac. That’s not much of a compliment, it’s pretty much the equivalent of calling someone the tallest Smurf. I think Stevie Nicks had to declare bankruptcy due to he scarf habit.
8) I had good seats to both shows over the weekend but in a really random occurrence both times I sat on the aisle by a doorway. This typically wouldn’t be a problem except that the Uptown Theater is drafty and people left the doors open and it was in the single digits meaning that every two minutes a very cold breeze would blow in my direction. I’ve never been tempted to put on a pair of gloves at a show before. I’m trying to think of what would look less cool? Somehow having mittens pinned to your shirt at a punk rock show would probably be so uncool that it is cool.
Monday, February 05, 2007
A different kind of hangover
I’ve slowly recovered from the events of last night. Every once in a while I still catch myself screaming, “No Rex! Don’t throw the ball!” At work I thought about it and decided that IM needs a new status icon. They have one for in the office and one for out of the office. What they need is one for “In the office but mentally devastated.” You know, something to let everyone know I might respond to questions with mutterings about a bullshit holding call.
Richard Roeper mentioned something that I thought about last night, which is that this is the first time I’ve ever seen a Chicago team lose a championship game. We’ve lost playoff games but until last night if a Chicago team was playing for the title they would win. I’ve never seen my team lose one of those games before. Well, except for my Illini against Carolina two years ago. And the Chicago Fire lost a title game as did the Bruisers in the original Arena Bowl. As did the Blackhawks in a Stanley Cup Final against the Penguins. And while this isn’t a Chicago team but I’ve seen Duke lose on Monday night on several occasions. So I guess what I’m saying is that a) Roeper was wrong and b) I should be pretty used to this by now.
(Haven’t talked about Duke much this season as I’ve decided that I can’t have a post that consists entirely of profanity. I’ve been following this team for twenty years and while this isn’t the worst team I’ve seen they certainly are the most annoying. They just aren’t fun to watch. The team that lost so many games that Coach K claimed that he was injured at least was interesting. This year’s squad just plays an ugly form of basketball. The Illini aren’t much better and watching them tends to result in damage to my apartment. And ND’s best player is off the team due to a pot bust. This just isn’t my year.)
So yeah, I’m not exactly in a great place mentally right now. It doesn’t help that I blindly assumed this morning that the coffee in the decaf pot was, in fact, decaf. I’m pretty confident that it was not. Or at least the fact that I spent the afternoon with no appetite, a blinding headache, heart palpitations and a slight feeling that my mind had become separated from my body would seem to indicate that this was the case. Yeah, when I say that I drink decaf because of doctor’s orders it really isn’t a joke. My body just can’t handle high levels of caffeine anymore.
That little fact has influenced more people’s impressions of me over the past few years than anything else. Not that people are watching me get coffee, it’s how I’ve had to live my life in the six years since I quit cold turkey. It’s why in B-School that people thought I was more of a nerd than I actually am. I was the guy who was always on top of every assignment. I’d start studying for tests days ahead of time. People assumed that this was because I was a grade grubbing geek. Ok, that might be true but mainly it was because I couldn’t stay up late the night before studying so I had to be prepared ahead of time.
Switching gears, I want to make a quick mention of some shows I saw over the weekend. Saw Lindsay Buckingham on Friday and John Prine on Saturday. First thing is that John Prine sold out and Lindsay didn’t, which makes absolutely no sense to me. Lindsay has sold tens of millions of discs as a member of Fleetwood Mac while John Prine, and I’m not making this up, used to deliver my mail. I liked Lindsay’s show better, mainly because he did something that is brave and kind of unexpected. He didn’t go up there and play a greatest hits set. He still played songs that everyone knew but he reinterpreted them and made them fresh. His version of Tusk sounded like it was being played by The Pixies. And the guy is just an insanely good guitarist. For someone who could literally phone it in at this point in the career the guy is still daring and rocking out. Really, really impressive.
Especially for a concert that I bought a ticket for because I saw the word “Lindsay” on Ticketmaster and instinctively pressed buy.
Richard Roeper mentioned something that I thought about last night, which is that this is the first time I’ve ever seen a Chicago team lose a championship game. We’ve lost playoff games but until last night if a Chicago team was playing for the title they would win. I’ve never seen my team lose one of those games before. Well, except for my Illini against Carolina two years ago. And the Chicago Fire lost a title game as did the Bruisers in the original Arena Bowl. As did the Blackhawks in a Stanley Cup Final against the Penguins. And while this isn’t a Chicago team but I’ve seen Duke lose on Monday night on several occasions. So I guess what I’m saying is that a) Roeper was wrong and b) I should be pretty used to this by now.
(Haven’t talked about Duke much this season as I’ve decided that I can’t have a post that consists entirely of profanity. I’ve been following this team for twenty years and while this isn’t the worst team I’ve seen they certainly are the most annoying. They just aren’t fun to watch. The team that lost so many games that Coach K claimed that he was injured at least was interesting. This year’s squad just plays an ugly form of basketball. The Illini aren’t much better and watching them tends to result in damage to my apartment. And ND’s best player is off the team due to a pot bust. This just isn’t my year.)
So yeah, I’m not exactly in a great place mentally right now. It doesn’t help that I blindly assumed this morning that the coffee in the decaf pot was, in fact, decaf. I’m pretty confident that it was not. Or at least the fact that I spent the afternoon with no appetite, a blinding headache, heart palpitations and a slight feeling that my mind had become separated from my body would seem to indicate that this was the case. Yeah, when I say that I drink decaf because of doctor’s orders it really isn’t a joke. My body just can’t handle high levels of caffeine anymore.
That little fact has influenced more people’s impressions of me over the past few years than anything else. Not that people are watching me get coffee, it’s how I’ve had to live my life in the six years since I quit cold turkey. It’s why in B-School that people thought I was more of a nerd than I actually am. I was the guy who was always on top of every assignment. I’d start studying for tests days ahead of time. People assumed that this was because I was a grade grubbing geek. Ok, that might be true but mainly it was because I couldn’t stay up late the night before studying so I had to be prepared ahead of time.
Switching gears, I want to make a quick mention of some shows I saw over the weekend. Saw Lindsay Buckingham on Friday and John Prine on Saturday. First thing is that John Prine sold out and Lindsay didn’t, which makes absolutely no sense to me. Lindsay has sold tens of millions of discs as a member of Fleetwood Mac while John Prine, and I’m not making this up, used to deliver my mail. I liked Lindsay’s show better, mainly because he did something that is brave and kind of unexpected. He didn’t go up there and play a greatest hits set. He still played songs that everyone knew but he reinterpreted them and made them fresh. His version of Tusk sounded like it was being played by The Pixies. And the guy is just an insanely good guitarist. For someone who could literally phone it in at this point in the career the guy is still daring and rocking out. Really, really impressive.
Especially for a concert that I bought a ticket for because I saw the word “Lindsay” on Ticketmaster and instinctively pressed buy.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Super Blog Three
4:38 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from the Battling the Current Sports Headquarters. Commentary today is coming from EC and a cardboard cutout of Coach Ditka (who has been surprisingly quiet today). Yes, this is my Super Bowl party. Admittedly, I doubt anyone else has a Super Bowl party that features aerial photography from a hoverbot. Hey, I spent six months building the thing, might as well get some use out of it.
4:41 P.M.: This is my third year of live blogging the Super Bowl and the first where I have a major rooting interest in the game. I’ll be logging my thoughts about the game, the commercials, and whatever else crosses my mind.
4:42 P.M.: Boomer Esiason, Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe have all picked the Colts to win. This actually makes me more confident about the Bears chances.
4:48 P.M.: Did I just see referees riding ostriches? Yes, it’s the pregame festivities brought to you by Cirque du Soleil. Which is going to make me feel like I’ve already downed a keg before the game has even started.
4:52 P.M.: I have a rather interesting thought and/or criticism on Cirque du Soleil. Admittedly, this is coming from someone who has only seen them once but I had really good seats when I did. When I saw them I went wow, this is amazing, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Then when I started to think about it I realized that I’ve seen about half of the acts in other circus performances I’ve stumbled upon over the years. So what makes them so special? Basically it is a combination of funny costumes, an incomprehensible but followable story line, good music, and an ability to make the audience feel very close to the action. It’s not that what they are doing is unique, it’s the manner in which they are presenting it.
5:02 P.M.: Cooper Manning gets some television time. He’s the other Manning brother and, if the stories are to be believed, he was the best athlete of the three until a neck injury ended his football career.
5:10 P.M.: Delay before the Colts get their intro music, which is an old Who song, sans lyrics. Not my choice but still better than the Seahwaks using “Bittersweet Symphony” last year.
5:12 P.M.: Chicago comes out to more of a hip hop theme, in honor of the Common and Kanye West collaboration in preparation for the Super Bowl. I miss the regular songs though. It added a pro wrestling feel to the whole introductions. Personally, a team entering to Demolition’s old theme would rock.
5:15 P.M.: Who the hell decided to let Nicholas Cage star in another movie? And a comic book movie at that? The tagline should just be Ghost Rider: It Might Suck as Bad as Daredevil.
5:17 P.M.: Wow I’m still asking questions, who did Billy Joel sleep with to get the National Anthem gig? He hasn’t been relevant in what, a lifetime? But his performance does show that it is raining, which will help the Bears. Also, if you were betting on the National Anthem I hope you took the Under.
5:19 P.M.: Coming up, my favorite moment in every Super Bowl: The Coin Toss. Because remember, around 60% of the US population is watching television right now. That means that the majority of Americans will soon be reminded which side of a coin is heads and which side is tails. And for people like me (who has fifty bucks riding on heads) this helps us anticipate just how our luck is going to turn out tonight.
5:24 P.M.: Heads baby! Now that’s how I want the night to start! First thing that Dan Marino has done right in his entire career. Though I am disturbed by the fact that the Bears included their long snapper as one of their team captains.
5:27 P.M.: And that’s what I’m talking about! Devin Hester goes yard on the opening kickoff! That is exactly how I wanted the game to start. Nice dive to the ground by Venitari in an attempt to make a tackle. This is the first time ever that the opening kickoff was returned for a touchdown in a Super Bowl. (And stop reminding me that Ohio State returned the opening kick back in the BCS game.)
5:33 P.M.: Two false start penalties on the Colts so they’ve already been rattled. Important third and long here…and Chris Harris picks off Peyton Manning. I’m giddy with excitement here and if you know me, I don’t get giddy too often.
5:36 P.M.: That was the Doritos commercial that the kid produced and got on the air? A bunch of puns? Ok, I really need to get to LA and start writing. I could so make a killing writing for television.
5:41 P.M.: Note to Erik, after this latest sideline camera view, you’re right. Yeah hi indeed.
5:47 P.M.: Ok, I’m a little less than giddy right now. Who the hell was supposed to have Wayne on that play? There wasn’t anyone within fifteen yards of him. But the Colts blew the PAT so the Bears still lead 7-6.
5:50 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, hold on to the ball! Bears fumble the kickoff and Colts get the ball to promptly fumble it back to the Bears. This game is insane and for the record, this is the first time ever that a Super Bowl has been played in the rain.
5:52 P.M.: Thomas Jones, of the famous Jones brothers who have been cornerstones of the Cobra Kai fantasy dynasty, breaks a run into the five. First and goal for the Bears.
5:54 P.M.: Touchdown Bears! Moose with the catch and a really good throw by Grossman. 14-6 Chicago and that was something that I wanted to see. Two guys making out over a Snicker bar? Not so much. What the hell was up with that commercial? Back to the game, one of the things that I was worried about was the Bears getting bogged down in the red zone like they had at times during the playoff. Seeing Rex makes a throw like that is a really good sign.
6:02 P.M.: Yes, Danieal and Ricky, the lesser known Manning brothers.
6:04 P.M.: And Benson coughs up the ball on a great hit. Colts get the ball on the Bears side of the field. That’s two turnovers for each team in the first quarter plus a muffed PAT. It’s either rain, nerves or just random occurrences.
6:15 P.M.: And that’s the first quarter with the Bears up 14-6. GoDaddy.com gives us our requisite commercial featuring scantily clad women and Coke has what might be the first Grand Theft Auto inspired commercial in history. And it was a really good one as well.
6:17 P.M.: This has nothing to do with the game or the commercials but there is apparently a dating reality show on Lifetime called “Gay, Straight or Taken”. In it a woman goes out with three men and…well, I don’t quite know what the point is. I assume it is to guess which guy is gay, which is straight and which is married. And then bitch out the straight guy for being the least desirable of the three. Just my assumption.
6:23 P.M.: Bears play bend don’t break defense and it results in a Vinateri field goal. 14-9 Bears and now it’s time to see if the Bears can put together a drive.
6:24 P.M.: If you wanted to know what commercials would be like if I wrote them all you have to do is look at the Garmin one. They would all be inspired by episodes of Spectre-Man.
6:34 P.M.: Colts drive the field again and score a touchdown to take the lead. Bears haven’t been able to get any pressure on Manning. Add to that the fact that the Bears haven’t had a sustained drive all night and we really need to see something from the team right about now. A good drive to close out the half.
6:39 P.M.: Wow, things really are tough in the auto industry right now. GM’s to the point where they are laying off robots, sending them into a spiral of depression and leading to suicide. The hoverbot is very upset over that commercial.
6:49 P.M.: Finally the Bears pull off another turnover. And Grossman turns it right back over. For Butkus sake, this is driving me insane.
6:50 P.M.: Oh, the reason behind the Butkus references is not just because he is a former Bear it’s also because he lived in my dorm at Illinois. Along with Hugh Hefner. That’s probably more history than every other dorm at Illinois combined.
6:56 P.M.: David Spade gets yet another television show? And sadly, I’m going to watch it because it might also resemble my life. I’m not proud of that fact. Which leads into Vinateri finally missing a kick and bringing us to halftime. Colts up by two and will start with the ball in the second half. Given that the Bears must be down about ten minutes in time of possession this is closer than it should be.
7:07 P.M.: Prince’s stage is in the shape of the Prince symbol. Or so I’ve been told. I’m kind of watching the Lingerie Bowl right now. Aw come on, that was pass interference! You’ve got to call that! For crying out loud, the refs at the Puppy Bowl are better than that.
7:09 P.M.: For the record, either Prince is crazy or there isn’t a single lice track being played right now. Because you really shouldn’t play instruments in pouring rain storms. But at least they’ve included the Florida A&M band, so there are some people on the field who deserve to be there.
7:27 P.M.: Hey, the game started up again. I enjoy the fact that the rain has made my television set look a couple of decades older than it already is. Second half starts the way the entire game has been with the Colts driving down the field.
7:30 P.M.: Ben Utecht with the catch for the first down. Typically this is where I would make a snarky comment about a player. However, Ben Utecht is a part of the extended extended Battling the Current Family. And as a rule I try not to make snarky comments about a) people who might read this and b) six foot four tight ends who could easily kick my ass. So nice catch Ben.
7:37 P.M.: They’re challenging whether there were eleven men on a field? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Colts getting ready to put some points on the board either way.
7:38 P.M.: Read this story over the weekend and I need to discuss it. They arrested Chewbacca for assault. Or, they arrested a guy impersonating Chewbacca for hitting a guy outside of a theater in California. This guy is obviously not a good impersonator as a true Chewbacca afficianado would have torn the arms off the arresting officers. Colts screw up another snap but Vinateri still makes the kick to make it a five point game. Looks like we need another kickoff return for a touchdown right about now.
7:43 P.M.: Didn’t expect that you’d ever see Sheryl Crow as a spokesperson again. You know, after she divorced Lance Armstrong and all. I mean, she really broke his ball.
7:44 P.M.: Oh give me a break, my team is losing and I need to vent. Coach Ditka laughed.
7:47 P.M.: The Bears series: two good passes, one horrible sack, and one fumble. That’s Rex Grossman for you.
7:48 P.M.: I can’t believe that CareerBuilder has given up on using monkeys in their commercials. If I have learned anything in my time in marketing that whatever your product, you can sell more of it by featuring a monkey. Sadly, that might be all that I’ve learned during my time in marketing.
7:55 P.M.: And in what is becoming a repeating story, the Colts drive the field and get another field goal. Given how horrible the Bears are playing they are still just one score away from tying this game up. Oh, and a Robert Goulet commercial is awesome. Personally, I’d be very happy if Robert Goulet started hanging out in my office.
7:58 P.M.: The Bears get some good field position with a good return and a penalty. And to top things off, K-Fed is in the house. To be honest, I’m really hoping that K-Fed turns the WWE into a career. He was the best bad guy that I’ve seen in a long time.
8:04 P.M.: And some good news for the Bears, as Gould kicks a field goal to make it 22-17. Bears got a first down or two but still had the drive bog down with Grossman looking like he’s twelve. For those of you playing squares, this is one of the few times in history where the guy with two is happy.
8:10 P.M.: The Colts end the quarter like they started it, by getting yet another first down. And do we have to watch another upbeat Katie Couric commercial? We’re still not going to watch the news.
8:13 P.M.: I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Emmitt Smith is on How I Met Your Mother tomorrow. I find this quite concerning since I certainly don’t recall meeting Emmitt at any point in my life. Has my life become so boring that even my biographers have decided to make up stories?
8:18 P.M.: Bears defense holds and I’m not sure how Marvin Harrison walked off the field after that one. Legs aren’t supposed to bend that way. And a holding call against the Bears takes away a nice run. My hair is going grayer by the play. But Moose catches another nice pass and the Bears pick up a first down.
8:21 P.M.: And Rex lofts a ball into the air and it is returned for a touchdown. Even if the challenge is good the Bears are in trouble. I’m about five seconds away from throwing things around my apartment.
8:25 P.M.: Shit, the call stood. Even though there is twelve minutes left unless the Bears offense suddenly changes into the 1982 Chargers I really am not feeling good about this. But an Izod commercial at least makes me know that there will be idiots wearing Izod shirts for months to come so at least I have that to look forward to.
8:30 P.M.: Another interception by Grossman, Berrian was open but the ball just stayed in the air. Unless something insane happens, that’s pretty much ballgame.
8:32 P.M.: Ok, I need to think some happy thoughts. Here’s one, my influence on mayoral politics in this town is continuing to be felt. In his latest email Mark Funkhouser referred to himself, and this is a direct quote, as “The Doctor of Funk.” We are so close to officially changing Kansas City’s name to “Funkytown.”
8:42 P.M.: Bears have started their hurry up offense and are moving the ball. This is the best the offense has looked all day. Or it is just the prevent defense. Still, let’s improve the stat line at least.
8:45 P.M.: And the fourth down play fails and I might as well throw off my Bears jersey in disgust. Not at the team, who have played well all season and were clearly the best team in the NFC. The defense just couldn’t stop the Colts though I would really like to see what would have happened if Tommie Harris and Mike Brown weren’t injured.
8:58 P.M.: That’s the ball game. Congratulations, to Ben, Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts. I’m going to follow in the ancient Chicago tradition of that, no matter whether you win or lose, you always riot.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Gillian Welch “Soul Journey”
2) Henry Rollins “Think Tank”
3) Dave Matthews Band “Before These Crowded Streets”
4) Loreena McKennitt “Live from Paris and Toronto”
5) Bob Marley and the Wailers “Legend”
4:41 P.M.: This is my third year of live blogging the Super Bowl and the first where I have a major rooting interest in the game. I’ll be logging my thoughts about the game, the commercials, and whatever else crosses my mind.
4:42 P.M.: Boomer Esiason, Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe have all picked the Colts to win. This actually makes me more confident about the Bears chances.
4:48 P.M.: Did I just see referees riding ostriches? Yes, it’s the pregame festivities brought to you by Cirque du Soleil. Which is going to make me feel like I’ve already downed a keg before the game has even started.
4:52 P.M.: I have a rather interesting thought and/or criticism on Cirque du Soleil. Admittedly, this is coming from someone who has only seen them once but I had really good seats when I did. When I saw them I went wow, this is amazing, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Then when I started to think about it I realized that I’ve seen about half of the acts in other circus performances I’ve stumbled upon over the years. So what makes them so special? Basically it is a combination of funny costumes, an incomprehensible but followable story line, good music, and an ability to make the audience feel very close to the action. It’s not that what they are doing is unique, it’s the manner in which they are presenting it.
5:02 P.M.: Cooper Manning gets some television time. He’s the other Manning brother and, if the stories are to be believed, he was the best athlete of the three until a neck injury ended his football career.
5:10 P.M.: Delay before the Colts get their intro music, which is an old Who song, sans lyrics. Not my choice but still better than the Seahwaks using “Bittersweet Symphony” last year.
5:12 P.M.: Chicago comes out to more of a hip hop theme, in honor of the Common and Kanye West collaboration in preparation for the Super Bowl. I miss the regular songs though. It added a pro wrestling feel to the whole introductions. Personally, a team entering to Demolition’s old theme would rock.
5:15 P.M.: Who the hell decided to let Nicholas Cage star in another movie? And a comic book movie at that? The tagline should just be Ghost Rider: It Might Suck as Bad as Daredevil.
5:17 P.M.: Wow I’m still asking questions, who did Billy Joel sleep with to get the National Anthem gig? He hasn’t been relevant in what, a lifetime? But his performance does show that it is raining, which will help the Bears. Also, if you were betting on the National Anthem I hope you took the Under.
5:19 P.M.: Coming up, my favorite moment in every Super Bowl: The Coin Toss. Because remember, around 60% of the US population is watching television right now. That means that the majority of Americans will soon be reminded which side of a coin is heads and which side is tails. And for people like me (who has fifty bucks riding on heads) this helps us anticipate just how our luck is going to turn out tonight.
5:24 P.M.: Heads baby! Now that’s how I want the night to start! First thing that Dan Marino has done right in his entire career. Though I am disturbed by the fact that the Bears included their long snapper as one of their team captains.
5:27 P.M.: And that’s what I’m talking about! Devin Hester goes yard on the opening kickoff! That is exactly how I wanted the game to start. Nice dive to the ground by Venitari in an attempt to make a tackle. This is the first time ever that the opening kickoff was returned for a touchdown in a Super Bowl. (And stop reminding me that Ohio State returned the opening kick back in the BCS game.)
5:33 P.M.: Two false start penalties on the Colts so they’ve already been rattled. Important third and long here…and Chris Harris picks off Peyton Manning. I’m giddy with excitement here and if you know me, I don’t get giddy too often.
5:36 P.M.: That was the Doritos commercial that the kid produced and got on the air? A bunch of puns? Ok, I really need to get to LA and start writing. I could so make a killing writing for television.
5:41 P.M.: Note to Erik, after this latest sideline camera view, you’re right. Yeah hi indeed.
5:47 P.M.: Ok, I’m a little less than giddy right now. Who the hell was supposed to have Wayne on that play? There wasn’t anyone within fifteen yards of him. But the Colts blew the PAT so the Bears still lead 7-6.
5:50 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, hold on to the ball! Bears fumble the kickoff and Colts get the ball to promptly fumble it back to the Bears. This game is insane and for the record, this is the first time ever that a Super Bowl has been played in the rain.
5:52 P.M.: Thomas Jones, of the famous Jones brothers who have been cornerstones of the Cobra Kai fantasy dynasty, breaks a run into the five. First and goal for the Bears.
5:54 P.M.: Touchdown Bears! Moose with the catch and a really good throw by Grossman. 14-6 Chicago and that was something that I wanted to see. Two guys making out over a Snicker bar? Not so much. What the hell was up with that commercial? Back to the game, one of the things that I was worried about was the Bears getting bogged down in the red zone like they had at times during the playoff. Seeing Rex makes a throw like that is a really good sign.
6:02 P.M.: Yes, Danieal and Ricky, the lesser known Manning brothers.
6:04 P.M.: And Benson coughs up the ball on a great hit. Colts get the ball on the Bears side of the field. That’s two turnovers for each team in the first quarter plus a muffed PAT. It’s either rain, nerves or just random occurrences.
6:15 P.M.: And that’s the first quarter with the Bears up 14-6. GoDaddy.com gives us our requisite commercial featuring scantily clad women and Coke has what might be the first Grand Theft Auto inspired commercial in history. And it was a really good one as well.
6:17 P.M.: This has nothing to do with the game or the commercials but there is apparently a dating reality show on Lifetime called “Gay, Straight or Taken”. In it a woman goes out with three men and…well, I don’t quite know what the point is. I assume it is to guess which guy is gay, which is straight and which is married. And then bitch out the straight guy for being the least desirable of the three. Just my assumption.
6:23 P.M.: Bears play bend don’t break defense and it results in a Vinateri field goal. 14-9 Bears and now it’s time to see if the Bears can put together a drive.
6:24 P.M.: If you wanted to know what commercials would be like if I wrote them all you have to do is look at the Garmin one. They would all be inspired by episodes of Spectre-Man.
6:34 P.M.: Colts drive the field again and score a touchdown to take the lead. Bears haven’t been able to get any pressure on Manning. Add to that the fact that the Bears haven’t had a sustained drive all night and we really need to see something from the team right about now. A good drive to close out the half.
6:39 P.M.: Wow, things really are tough in the auto industry right now. GM’s to the point where they are laying off robots, sending them into a spiral of depression and leading to suicide. The hoverbot is very upset over that commercial.
6:49 P.M.: Finally the Bears pull off another turnover. And Grossman turns it right back over. For Butkus sake, this is driving me insane.
6:50 P.M.: Oh, the reason behind the Butkus references is not just because he is a former Bear it’s also because he lived in my dorm at Illinois. Along with Hugh Hefner. That’s probably more history than every other dorm at Illinois combined.
6:56 P.M.: David Spade gets yet another television show? And sadly, I’m going to watch it because it might also resemble my life. I’m not proud of that fact. Which leads into Vinateri finally missing a kick and bringing us to halftime. Colts up by two and will start with the ball in the second half. Given that the Bears must be down about ten minutes in time of possession this is closer than it should be.
7:07 P.M.: Prince’s stage is in the shape of the Prince symbol. Or so I’ve been told. I’m kind of watching the Lingerie Bowl right now. Aw come on, that was pass interference! You’ve got to call that! For crying out loud, the refs at the Puppy Bowl are better than that.
7:09 P.M.: For the record, either Prince is crazy or there isn’t a single lice track being played right now. Because you really shouldn’t play instruments in pouring rain storms. But at least they’ve included the Florida A&M band, so there are some people on the field who deserve to be there.
7:27 P.M.: Hey, the game started up again. I enjoy the fact that the rain has made my television set look a couple of decades older than it already is. Second half starts the way the entire game has been with the Colts driving down the field.
7:30 P.M.: Ben Utecht with the catch for the first down. Typically this is where I would make a snarky comment about a player. However, Ben Utecht is a part of the extended extended Battling the Current Family. And as a rule I try not to make snarky comments about a) people who might read this and b) six foot four tight ends who could easily kick my ass. So nice catch Ben.
7:37 P.M.: They’re challenging whether there were eleven men on a field? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Colts getting ready to put some points on the board either way.
7:38 P.M.: Read this story over the weekend and I need to discuss it. They arrested Chewbacca for assault. Or, they arrested a guy impersonating Chewbacca for hitting a guy outside of a theater in California. This guy is obviously not a good impersonator as a true Chewbacca afficianado would have torn the arms off the arresting officers. Colts screw up another snap but Vinateri still makes the kick to make it a five point game. Looks like we need another kickoff return for a touchdown right about now.
7:43 P.M.: Didn’t expect that you’d ever see Sheryl Crow as a spokesperson again. You know, after she divorced Lance Armstrong and all. I mean, she really broke his ball.
7:44 P.M.: Oh give me a break, my team is losing and I need to vent. Coach Ditka laughed.
7:47 P.M.: The Bears series: two good passes, one horrible sack, and one fumble. That’s Rex Grossman for you.
7:48 P.M.: I can’t believe that CareerBuilder has given up on using monkeys in their commercials. If I have learned anything in my time in marketing that whatever your product, you can sell more of it by featuring a monkey. Sadly, that might be all that I’ve learned during my time in marketing.
7:55 P.M.: And in what is becoming a repeating story, the Colts drive the field and get another field goal. Given how horrible the Bears are playing they are still just one score away from tying this game up. Oh, and a Robert Goulet commercial is awesome. Personally, I’d be very happy if Robert Goulet started hanging out in my office.
7:58 P.M.: The Bears get some good field position with a good return and a penalty. And to top things off, K-Fed is in the house. To be honest, I’m really hoping that K-Fed turns the WWE into a career. He was the best bad guy that I’ve seen in a long time.
8:04 P.M.: And some good news for the Bears, as Gould kicks a field goal to make it 22-17. Bears got a first down or two but still had the drive bog down with Grossman looking like he’s twelve. For those of you playing squares, this is one of the few times in history where the guy with two is happy.
8:10 P.M.: The Colts end the quarter like they started it, by getting yet another first down. And do we have to watch another upbeat Katie Couric commercial? We’re still not going to watch the news.
8:13 P.M.: I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Emmitt Smith is on How I Met Your Mother tomorrow. I find this quite concerning since I certainly don’t recall meeting Emmitt at any point in my life. Has my life become so boring that even my biographers have decided to make up stories?
8:18 P.M.: Bears defense holds and I’m not sure how Marvin Harrison walked off the field after that one. Legs aren’t supposed to bend that way. And a holding call against the Bears takes away a nice run. My hair is going grayer by the play. But Moose catches another nice pass and the Bears pick up a first down.
8:21 P.M.: And Rex lofts a ball into the air and it is returned for a touchdown. Even if the challenge is good the Bears are in trouble. I’m about five seconds away from throwing things around my apartment.
8:25 P.M.: Shit, the call stood. Even though there is twelve minutes left unless the Bears offense suddenly changes into the 1982 Chargers I really am not feeling good about this. But an Izod commercial at least makes me know that there will be idiots wearing Izod shirts for months to come so at least I have that to look forward to.
8:30 P.M.: Another interception by Grossman, Berrian was open but the ball just stayed in the air. Unless something insane happens, that’s pretty much ballgame.
8:32 P.M.: Ok, I need to think some happy thoughts. Here’s one, my influence on mayoral politics in this town is continuing to be felt. In his latest email Mark Funkhouser referred to himself, and this is a direct quote, as “The Doctor of Funk.” We are so close to officially changing Kansas City’s name to “Funkytown.”
8:42 P.M.: Bears have started their hurry up offense and are moving the ball. This is the best the offense has looked all day. Or it is just the prevent defense. Still, let’s improve the stat line at least.
8:45 P.M.: And the fourth down play fails and I might as well throw off my Bears jersey in disgust. Not at the team, who have played well all season and were clearly the best team in the NFC. The defense just couldn’t stop the Colts though I would really like to see what would have happened if Tommie Harris and Mike Brown weren’t injured.
8:58 P.M.: That’s the ball game. Congratulations, to Ben, Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts. I’m going to follow in the ancient Chicago tradition of that, no matter whether you win or lose, you always riot.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Gillian Welch “Soul Journey”
2) Henry Rollins “Think Tank”
3) Dave Matthews Band “Before These Crowded Streets”
4) Loreena McKennitt “Live from Paris and Toronto”
5) Bob Marley and the Wailers “Legend”
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Make the homies say ho and the girlies wanna scream
Pleasant Dream Update: Last night I dreamt that I was sitting outside a building in New Orleans. It was nice, I was just kind of lounging around and trying to catch a taxi. Except the city really wasn’t New Orleans, it was kind of like London but not really. It’s a city I’ve been to in my dreams a bunch of times though. Does anyone else have that? I swear, there are a few places that I’ve visited in my dreams numerous times that aren’t real but I could draw a map if I needed to. (Oh, and I really am having all of these dreams. My subconscious must be working overtime because this is way more than normal and this is coming from a guy who has spent time performing lucid dream experiments.)
Today featured two events that just made my life happier than it ever deserves to be and they are great because they are the silliest things in the world. The first is all of the hoopla surrounding the Aqua Teen Hunger Force guerilla marketing campaign. This is what shut down all of Boston yesterday as some guys put up little LED signs of the Mooninites. For those of you who don’t watch the show, the Mooninites are aliens out of a bad Atari game who attempt to disrupt the world through the use of out of date technology. So they were featured in these signs that, well, ended up disrupting the world through the use of out of date technology. Seriously people, batteries and a bunch of wires does not automatically equate to a bomb. Your iPod also has batteries and a lot of flashing lights.
Their press conference today was also the best attempt at performance art I’ve seen in years. The two guys had just left court, there are terrorism charges pending and at the press conference they state that “they will only be answering questions regarding 70’s hairstyles.” That’s just awesome. It’s ballsy but it shows just how paranoid we have become.
The other event that totally made my afternoon is something that almost no one noticed but those of who did enjoyed it to no end. In the Friends of the Blog I list Deadspin.com, which is a sports blog and the funniest site on the net that I’ve seen in ages. Part of the humor is in the articles but most of it lies in the comments, which consist of in-jokes and humor that ranges from extremely clever to extremely disturbing. One of the main themes of Deadspin is an undeclared war against ESPN, mainly bringing to light the foibles of the announcers in as graphic a manner possible. Well, after today I think we can say war is officially declared.
Today started simply enough on Deadspin, as someone noted that it is the third day since Barbaro’s passing so we were all anxiously awaiting his return. And Barbaro came through as someone in ESPN thought it would be a brilliant idea to allow people to comment on some of the posts on their website. When this function was launched it was like someone fired up the Bat-signal. Seriously, there was probably a hundred different commenters from Deadspin overriding ESPN with comments that were non-sensical to normal people but hilarious to those of us from the site. There was some poor soul at ESPN whose job it was to delete all of these comments and it just was not going to happen.
I haven’t seen an online invasion like this in almost a decade. One of the top websites on the planet was overrun by a blog and they brought it upon themselves. This is my big learning from all of this. Companies talk about how they want to build an online community and they assume that all we have to do is open the doors and everyone will act nicely and say good things about the company. That is precisely what will not happen, as any lingering issues about your company will come to the forefront in about five seconds. It also shows how the open source mindset can fail when the crowd becomes too large. This might be Wiki’s undoing. While it is a great first resource it’s just to easy to get into an edit war that will cause the signal to noise ratio to fall apart. It’s why I picked up The Wisdom of Crowds because I really want to see how the author addresses the problem of controlling the masses.
That’s it for this week. Sunday night will mark the posting of Super Blog 3 as I (along with Coach Ditka and the Superfans) will keep a running journal on the Super Bowl. Game analysis, commercial recaps, discussions of Kevin Federline’s career options, and references to Brian Baschnagel are sure to appear at some point. Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Today featured two events that just made my life happier than it ever deserves to be and they are great because they are the silliest things in the world. The first is all of the hoopla surrounding the Aqua Teen Hunger Force guerilla marketing campaign. This is what shut down all of Boston yesterday as some guys put up little LED signs of the Mooninites. For those of you who don’t watch the show, the Mooninites are aliens out of a bad Atari game who attempt to disrupt the world through the use of out of date technology. So they were featured in these signs that, well, ended up disrupting the world through the use of out of date technology. Seriously people, batteries and a bunch of wires does not automatically equate to a bomb. Your iPod also has batteries and a lot of flashing lights.
Their press conference today was also the best attempt at performance art I’ve seen in years. The two guys had just left court, there are terrorism charges pending and at the press conference they state that “they will only be answering questions regarding 70’s hairstyles.” That’s just awesome. It’s ballsy but it shows just how paranoid we have become.
The other event that totally made my afternoon is something that almost no one noticed but those of who did enjoyed it to no end. In the Friends of the Blog I list Deadspin.com, which is a sports blog and the funniest site on the net that I’ve seen in ages. Part of the humor is in the articles but most of it lies in the comments, which consist of in-jokes and humor that ranges from extremely clever to extremely disturbing. One of the main themes of Deadspin is an undeclared war against ESPN, mainly bringing to light the foibles of the announcers in as graphic a manner possible. Well, after today I think we can say war is officially declared.
Today started simply enough on Deadspin, as someone noted that it is the third day since Barbaro’s passing so we were all anxiously awaiting his return. And Barbaro came through as someone in ESPN thought it would be a brilliant idea to allow people to comment on some of the posts on their website. When this function was launched it was like someone fired up the Bat-signal. Seriously, there was probably a hundred different commenters from Deadspin overriding ESPN with comments that were non-sensical to normal people but hilarious to those of us from the site. There was some poor soul at ESPN whose job it was to delete all of these comments and it just was not going to happen.
I haven’t seen an online invasion like this in almost a decade. One of the top websites on the planet was overrun by a blog and they brought it upon themselves. This is my big learning from all of this. Companies talk about how they want to build an online community and they assume that all we have to do is open the doors and everyone will act nicely and say good things about the company. That is precisely what will not happen, as any lingering issues about your company will come to the forefront in about five seconds. It also shows how the open source mindset can fail when the crowd becomes too large. This might be Wiki’s undoing. While it is a great first resource it’s just to easy to get into an edit war that will cause the signal to noise ratio to fall apart. It’s why I picked up The Wisdom of Crowds because I really want to see how the author addresses the problem of controlling the masses.
That’s it for this week. Sunday night will mark the posting of Super Blog 3 as I (along with Coach Ditka and the Superfans) will keep a running journal on the Super Bowl. Game analysis, commercial recaps, discussions of Kevin Federline’s career options, and references to Brian Baschnagel are sure to appear at some point. Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)