Super Blog Three

4:38 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from the Battling the Current Sports Headquarters. Commentary today is coming from EC and a cardboard cutout of Coach Ditka (who has been surprisingly quiet today). Yes, this is my Super Bowl party. Admittedly, I doubt anyone else has a Super Bowl party that features aerial photography from a hoverbot. Hey, I spent six months building the thing, might as well get some use out of it.

4:41 P.M.: This is my third year of live blogging the Super Bowl and the first where I have a major rooting interest in the game. I’ll be logging my thoughts about the game, the commercials, and whatever else crosses my mind.

4:42 P.M.: Boomer Esiason, Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe have all picked the Colts to win. This actually makes me more confident about the Bears chances.

4:48 P.M.: Did I just see referees riding ostriches? Yes, it’s the pregame festivities brought to you by Cirque du Soleil. Which is going to make me feel like I’ve already downed a keg before the game has even started.

4:52 P.M.: I have a rather interesting thought and/or criticism on Cirque du Soleil. Admittedly, this is coming from someone who has only seen them once but I had really good seats when I did. When I saw them I went wow, this is amazing, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Then when I started to think about it I realized that I’ve seen about half of the acts in other circus performances I’ve stumbled upon over the years. So what makes them so special? Basically it is a combination of funny costumes, an incomprehensible but followable story line, good music, and an ability to make the audience feel very close to the action. It’s not that what they are doing is unique, it’s the manner in which they are presenting it.

5:02 P.M.: Cooper Manning gets some television time. He’s the other Manning brother and, if the stories are to be believed, he was the best athlete of the three until a neck injury ended his football career.

5:10 P.M.: Delay before the Colts get their intro music, which is an old Who song, sans lyrics. Not my choice but still better than the Seahwaks using “Bittersweet Symphony” last year.

5:12 P.M.: Chicago comes out to more of a hip hop theme, in honor of the Common and Kanye West collaboration in preparation for the Super Bowl. I miss the regular songs though. It added a pro wrestling feel to the whole introductions. Personally, a team entering to Demolition’s old theme would rock.

5:15 P.M.: Who the hell decided to let Nicholas Cage star in another movie? And a comic book movie at that? The tagline should just be Ghost Rider: It Might Suck as Bad as Daredevil.

5:17 P.M.: Wow I’m still asking questions, who did Billy Joel sleep with to get the National Anthem gig? He hasn’t been relevant in what, a lifetime? But his performance does show that it is raining, which will help the Bears. Also, if you were betting on the National Anthem I hope you took the Under.

5:19 P.M.: Coming up, my favorite moment in every Super Bowl: The Coin Toss. Because remember, around 60% of the US population is watching television right now. That means that the majority of Americans will soon be reminded which side of a coin is heads and which side is tails. And for people like me (who has fifty bucks riding on heads) this helps us anticipate just how our luck is going to turn out tonight.

5:24 P.M.: Heads baby! Now that’s how I want the night to start! First thing that Dan Marino has done right in his entire career. Though I am disturbed by the fact that the Bears included their long snapper as one of their team captains.

5:27 P.M.: And that’s what I’m talking about! Devin Hester goes yard on the opening kickoff! That is exactly how I wanted the game to start. Nice dive to the ground by Venitari in an attempt to make a tackle. This is the first time ever that the opening kickoff was returned for a touchdown in a Super Bowl. (And stop reminding me that Ohio State returned the opening kick back in the BCS game.)

5:33 P.M.: Two false start penalties on the Colts so they’ve already been rattled. Important third and long here…and Chris Harris picks off Peyton Manning. I’m giddy with excitement here and if you know me, I don’t get giddy too often.

5:36 P.M.: That was the Doritos commercial that the kid produced and got on the air? A bunch of puns? Ok, I really need to get to LA and start writing. I could so make a killing writing for television.

5:41 P.M.: Note to Erik, after this latest sideline camera view, you’re right. Yeah hi indeed.

5:47 P.M.: Ok, I’m a little less than giddy right now. Who the hell was supposed to have Wayne on that play? There wasn’t anyone within fifteen yards of him. But the Colts blew the PAT so the Bears still lead 7-6.

5:50 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, hold on to the ball! Bears fumble the kickoff and Colts get the ball to promptly fumble it back to the Bears. This game is insane and for the record, this is the first time ever that a Super Bowl has been played in the rain.

5:52 P.M.: Thomas Jones, of the famous Jones brothers who have been cornerstones of the Cobra Kai fantasy dynasty, breaks a run into the five. First and goal for the Bears.

5:54 P.M.: Touchdown Bears! Moose with the catch and a really good throw by Grossman. 14-6 Chicago and that was something that I wanted to see. Two guys making out over a Snicker bar? Not so much. What the hell was up with that commercial? Back to the game, one of the things that I was worried about was the Bears getting bogged down in the red zone like they had at times during the playoff. Seeing Rex makes a throw like that is a really good sign.

6:02 P.M.: Yes, Danieal and Ricky, the lesser known Manning brothers.

6:04 P.M.: And Benson coughs up the ball on a great hit. Colts get the ball on the Bears side of the field. That’s two turnovers for each team in the first quarter plus a muffed PAT. It’s either rain, nerves or just random occurrences.

6:15 P.M.: And that’s the first quarter with the Bears up 14-6. GoDaddy.com gives us our requisite commercial featuring scantily clad women and Coke has what might be the first Grand Theft Auto inspired commercial in history. And it was a really good one as well.

6:17 P.M.: This has nothing to do with the game or the commercials but there is apparently a dating reality show on Lifetime called “Gay, Straight or Taken”. In it a woman goes out with three men and…well, I don’t quite know what the point is. I assume it is to guess which guy is gay, which is straight and which is married. And then bitch out the straight guy for being the least desirable of the three. Just my assumption.

6:23 P.M.: Bears play bend don’t break defense and it results in a Vinateri field goal. 14-9 Bears and now it’s time to see if the Bears can put together a drive.

6:24 P.M.: If you wanted to know what commercials would be like if I wrote them all you have to do is look at the Garmin one. They would all be inspired by episodes of Spectre-Man.

6:34 P.M.: Colts drive the field again and score a touchdown to take the lead. Bears haven’t been able to get any pressure on Manning. Add to that the fact that the Bears haven’t had a sustained drive all night and we really need to see something from the team right about now. A good drive to close out the half.

6:39 P.M.: Wow, things really are tough in the auto industry right now. GM’s to the point where they are laying off robots, sending them into a spiral of depression and leading to suicide. The hoverbot is very upset over that commercial.

6:49 P.M.: Finally the Bears pull off another turnover. And Grossman turns it right back over. For Butkus sake, this is driving me insane.

6:50 P.M.: Oh, the reason behind the Butkus references is not just because he is a former Bear it’s also because he lived in my dorm at Illinois. Along with Hugh Hefner. That’s probably more history than every other dorm at Illinois combined.

6:56 P.M.: David Spade gets yet another television show? And sadly, I’m going to watch it because it might also resemble my life. I’m not proud of that fact. Which leads into Vinateri finally missing a kick and bringing us to halftime. Colts up by two and will start with the ball in the second half. Given that the Bears must be down about ten minutes in time of possession this is closer than it should be.

7:07 P.M.: Prince’s stage is in the shape of the Prince symbol. Or so I’ve been told. I’m kind of watching the Lingerie Bowl right now. Aw come on, that was pass interference! You’ve got to call that! For crying out loud, the refs at the Puppy Bowl are better than that.

7:09 P.M.: For the record, either Prince is crazy or there isn’t a single lice track being played right now. Because you really shouldn’t play instruments in pouring rain storms. But at least they’ve included the Florida A&M band, so there are some people on the field who deserve to be there.

7:27 P.M.: Hey, the game started up again. I enjoy the fact that the rain has made my television set look a couple of decades older than it already is. Second half starts the way the entire game has been with the Colts driving down the field.

7:30 P.M.: Ben Utecht with the catch for the first down. Typically this is where I would make a snarky comment about a player. However, Ben Utecht is a part of the extended extended Battling the Current Family. And as a rule I try not to make snarky comments about a) people who might read this and b) six foot four tight ends who could easily kick my ass. So nice catch Ben.

7:37 P.M.: They’re challenging whether there were eleven men on a field? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Colts getting ready to put some points on the board either way.

7:38 P.M.: Read this story over the weekend and I need to discuss it. They arrested Chewbacca for assault. Or, they arrested a guy impersonating Chewbacca for hitting a guy outside of a theater in California. This guy is obviously not a good impersonator as a true Chewbacca afficianado would have torn the arms off the arresting officers. Colts screw up another snap but Vinateri still makes the kick to make it a five point game. Looks like we need another kickoff return for a touchdown right about now.

7:43 P.M.: Didn’t expect that you’d ever see Sheryl Crow as a spokesperson again. You know, after she divorced Lance Armstrong and all. I mean, she really broke his ball.

7:44 P.M.: Oh give me a break, my team is losing and I need to vent. Coach Ditka laughed.

7:47 P.M.: The Bears series: two good passes, one horrible sack, and one fumble. That’s Rex Grossman for you.

7:48 P.M.: I can’t believe that CareerBuilder has given up on using monkeys in their commercials. If I have learned anything in my time in marketing that whatever your product, you can sell more of it by featuring a monkey. Sadly, that might be all that I’ve learned during my time in marketing.

7:55 P.M.: And in what is becoming a repeating story, the Colts drive the field and get another field goal. Given how horrible the Bears are playing they are still just one score away from tying this game up. Oh, and a Robert Goulet commercial is awesome. Personally, I’d be very happy if Robert Goulet started hanging out in my office.

7:58 P.M.: The Bears get some good field position with a good return and a penalty. And to top things off, K-Fed is in the house. To be honest, I’m really hoping that K-Fed turns the WWE into a career. He was the best bad guy that I’ve seen in a long time.

8:04 P.M.: And some good news for the Bears, as Gould kicks a field goal to make it 22-17. Bears got a first down or two but still had the drive bog down with Grossman looking like he’s twelve. For those of you playing squares, this is one of the few times in history where the guy with two is happy.

8:10 P.M.: The Colts end the quarter like they started it, by getting yet another first down. And do we have to watch another upbeat Katie Couric commercial? We’re still not going to watch the news.

8:13 P.M.: I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Emmitt Smith is on How I Met Your Mother tomorrow. I find this quite concerning since I certainly don’t recall meeting Emmitt at any point in my life. Has my life become so boring that even my biographers have decided to make up stories?

8:18 P.M.: Bears defense holds and I’m not sure how Marvin Harrison walked off the field after that one. Legs aren’t supposed to bend that way. And a holding call against the Bears takes away a nice run. My hair is going grayer by the play. But Moose catches another nice pass and the Bears pick up a first down.

8:21 P.M.: And Rex lofts a ball into the air and it is returned for a touchdown. Even if the challenge is good the Bears are in trouble. I’m about five seconds away from throwing things around my apartment.

8:25 P.M.: Shit, the call stood. Even though there is twelve minutes left unless the Bears offense suddenly changes into the 1982 Chargers I really am not feeling good about this. But an Izod commercial at least makes me know that there will be idiots wearing Izod shirts for months to come so at least I have that to look forward to.

8:30 P.M.: Another interception by Grossman, Berrian was open but the ball just stayed in the air. Unless something insane happens, that’s pretty much ballgame.

8:32 P.M.: Ok, I need to think some happy thoughts. Here’s one, my influence on mayoral politics in this town is continuing to be felt. In his latest email Mark Funkhouser referred to himself, and this is a direct quote, as “The Doctor of Funk.” We are so close to officially changing Kansas City’s name to “Funkytown.”

8:42 P.M.: Bears have started their hurry up offense and are moving the ball. This is the best the offense has looked all day. Or it is just the prevent defense. Still, let’s improve the stat line at least.

8:45 P.M.: And the fourth down play fails and I might as well throw off my Bears jersey in disgust. Not at the team, who have played well all season and were clearly the best team in the NFC. The defense just couldn’t stop the Colts though I would really like to see what would have happened if Tommie Harris and Mike Brown weren’t injured.

8:58 P.M.: That’s the ball game. Congratulations, to Ben, Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts. I’m going to follow in the ancient Chicago tradition of that, no matter whether you win or lose, you always riot.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Gillian Welch “Soul Journey”
2) Henry Rollins “Think Tank”
3) Dave Matthews Band “Before These Crowded Streets”
4) Loreena McKennitt “Live from Paris and Toronto”
5) Bob Marley and the Wailers “Legend”