Losing a memory

Before I get started I feel that we need to set a small but very significant point of clarification. Natalie Portman shaving her head in order to portray Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta was an artistic and surprisingly attractive move. Brittney Spears shaving her head for, uh, do we have a reason for this? Is it safe to make a completely unfounded guess that she was suffering from an extremely severe lice infestation? No matter, regardless of the reason Brit now looks like the most psycho ex-girlfriend you have ever known. I mean, she’s probably three days away from slashing K-Fed’s tires.

There are so many unbelievable aspects to this story. First of all, I’d much rather be K-Fed’s agent right now than Brittney’s. With K-Fed I could continue the wrestling gig and with some acting classes probably turn him into a comedy act where he just becomes a caricature of himself. Right now, Brit can’t even get that Playboy cover I’ve always predicted. Second, place this in the proper perspective given that Brit is a mother of two. That just makes her seem crazier. Finally, in all my years of pop culture analysis I thought that I had seen it all. Now I feel like I haven’t even started.

Anyway, someone asked for my thoughts on my alma mater retiring Chief Illiniwek. For those of you who didn’t catch the story, Illinois has decided to retire the….I’m not sure what the proper term for this is. People called the Chief a mascot but I always felt that was wrong. A mascot hangs out with the cheerleaders and does funny skits and ends up high fiving players on the sidelines and the Chief didn’t do any of that. Some people called him a symbol, which to be honest is way too generous a term. Let’s just refer to the Chief as what he is, a white guy from the suburbs of Chicago who wore a headdress and danced at halftime.

People have been wanting to get rid of the Chief since I was a student and thanks to pressure from the NCAA it is finally coming to fruition. I’ll be honest, even as an alum I am not horribly upset by this. I would be up in arms if we were forced to give up the name “Fighting Illini” since that refers to World War I soldiers but the Chief always struck me as a very odd ritual. He really was just some dude from the suburbs, performing a dance that was created as a part of a Boy Scout project, in an authentic Sioux outfit though the Sioux tribe had nothing to do with the state of Illinois. It seemed out of place in the early 90’s and is even worse now.

What bothers me more is that this really wasn’t Illinois’ decision. They were basically blackmailed by the NCAA when they were told that they wouldn’t be able to host postseason events as long as the Chief existed. I’d be fine if this meant that all imagery at all schools was removed but Florida State is fine thanks to the Seminole nation approving their mascot. Who, and let me be absolutely clear here, rides bare-chested onto the football field astride a stallion and proceeds to throw a flaming spear into the turf as a declaration of war. Somehow, that is considered to be perfectly acceptable.

So in the end, I can’t say that I’m upset about this. I mean, this is U of I that we are talking about. We never got up in arms about anything other than the lines at Kams. If my son decided that he wanted to be an electrical engineer and attend Illinois like his dad I don’t think that the lack of the Chief would hamper his college experience. Especially given a major in electrical engineering, which would prove much more of a hindrance to his social life than any halftime entertainment. Sure, it’s another thing that I can list off in my “back in my day” speech but at the end of the day I’d rather see Bruce Weber recruit like Ron Zook and Ron Zook coach like Bruce Weber. If I had that, I’d be happy.

The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Guided by Voices “Human Amusements at Hourly Rates”
2) Robbie Fulks “Let’s Kill Saturday Night”
3) Aimee Mann “Whatever”
4) My Morning Jacket “Z”
5) My Morning Jacket “Okonokos”