How fat can a Tuesday get?

Lots and lots of topics tonight…

Topic # 1: So Britney has finally faced reality and checked into rehab. It still isn’t clear if this is “live on a farm for two months” rehab or the Lindsay Lohan approved “rehab where you are allowed to leave and go clubbing.” For our sake, I’m hoping that it is the former because otherwise we are just going to have an epidemic of fourteen year old girls shaving their heads to look like their idol. And Natalie Portman and Sigourney Weaver (in that Aliens film) aside, that really isn’t a good look.

All in all, this is a good thing for Brit as she is obviously dealing with a whole bunch of issues and is handling none of them well. An escape from the spotlight is well-deserved. However, I am now more and more amazed that Paris Hilton is still alive. I mean, how the hell is she still standing after all of this. Brit and Lindsay end up in rehab with their careers ruined. Nicole Ritchie is a walking skeleton. Tara Reid is missing and presumed passed out on a bar. And what the hell happened to the Olsen twins? They’re not even attractive anymore. But somehow, throughout all of this, Paris is still floating through life completely unharmed. I swear, she has to be Emperor Palpatine. I’d challenge her to a duel but her force lightning would be too powerful.

Topic # 2: I’ll say this about Kansas City, when winter ends in this town it ends. Last week was bitterly cold, to the point where you think about slicing open the Taunton and climbing inside for warmth. This week, we’re in the fifties and it feels like springtime. There really is no in between, one day you’re freezing to death and the next you are in shorts. At least this time we had an actual winter with snow that stayed on the ground and wind chills that caused your face to hurt. It felt almost, somewhat, vaguely like home. Not quite, but close.

Topic # 3: So, in preparation for putting Quo Vadimus together, a task that is looking so daunting that I might bail on it before it even starts, I am going through all of my old blog posts. This is a lot more taxing than I anticipated. There’s around 600 posts and it is tough to classify a lot of them without using the words “random stuff”. It’s interesting to see how things have changed. When I started I would at least pick a topic and stick to it, though I would also just post something from The Onion on a pretty regular basis. I’m happy I’ve stopped with the plagiarism but it wouldn’t hurt to not have every post be random thoughts. Oh, and I discovered that I make an awful, awful lot of Star Wars references. Including entire posts spent discussing the character of Boba Fett and the illogical nature of the Death Star having a trash compactor. I’m not sure if this is a good thing.

It’s why I’ve always joked about what happens when I tell someone about my blog. I like having people read this, as I hope that it is at times interesting and it shows off the creative side of my personality. On the other hand, since this is a very unfiltered view into my mind I have a feeling that people learn more about me than they would ever want to know. Hell, looking at the old posts even I was going “I can’t believe I told that story.” Some of those old posts make the Lindsay infatuation seem quaint.

Topic # 4: In rereading last night’s post I mentioned “News of the Starz” as a trivia category and realized that it would be awesome to have a category based entirely on Starzan’s life. Every question would start with the word “Dude” and reference places that had to be next to a body of water. (As always, feel free to check out the Starzan Tees link on the page. The guy is funny as all get out.)

Topic # 5: Time to go out and celebrate Mardi Gras. And to E and Super Dave, remember that it was Mardi Gras four years ago that we decided that, much like Steve Austin, I could be remade and that we had the technology. I do have to say that it has worked, maybe not in the manner that we initially intended but it did work. Still, how in the world was that four years ago? It seems like last week. Anyway, I’ll hoist a red headed slut in your honor, kind sirs.

Oh, Inverted World

In the end, I decided to play trivia tonight. Sadly, no one else did as it was the smallest crowd of people I’ve seen at the game since the snowstorm game. I’m not sure if that made things more or less depressing. Still, my two man team (which suffered defections of our own) came in second, which meant that the payout was the same as it usually is. Amazingly, this was on a night when the categories were things that we were not expecting much out of. Flags, Geography and 2006 song lyrics were all bad news. Luckily, there was a NASA category and that allowed me to pay my bar tab. Oh well, still an interesting way to spend an evening.

Hey, I’ve been meaning to mention this and now is as good of time as any. If anyone is interested in being a guest blogger sometime over the next month and a half please let me know. Starting March 1 and going through April 15 I am going to be working on, well, I’m not sure what I’m going to call it other than “Quo Vadimus”. Consider it a memoir/essay collection for simplicity’s sake. Basically, I am going to go through the 27 months of blog postings, take the best pieces, and rewrite them so that they are a much better read. I’m also going to be adding new material (hopefully around 20,000 words worth including stories on being the guy at the end of the bar, an ultrasound picture that changed my view of the world, and my journal of watching every Star Wars film back to back to back to back to back to back.) Since this means that I’m going to be spending time every evening writing and rewriting I wouldn’t mind taking a night off from my blog duties once in a while. So, if you ever wanted to post your innermost thoughts to the world, or at least to the dozens of people who read this site, here is your chance. Just drop me a line and we will work something out.

(Oh, and what amazes me is how I am preparing for this project. I have built a spreadsheet and I am going through all of my old posts and cataloging them. I have to be the only writer who, when he decides to write a book, makes sure that the first thing he does is build a spreadsheet. Probably explains my writing style. The good thing about this though is that it is identifying some old stories that will show up again in my novel or television series. One of my earliest posts is my jury duty story and that would probably be the second script I would write (which I might be doing this summer.) I know some people will say that I am reusing old material, I consider it to be taking all of these random thoughts I’ve had over the years and placing them in a cohesive package.)

Some quick thoughts on The Shins show, since I promised to write about it last night. Viva Voce opened and they were a pretty good act. I’ll give the woman who played guitar credit as she was the first woman I have ever seen not named Bonnie Raitt play a guitar solo that didn’t suck. Before anyone calls me a sexist pig for that statement, this is based on Juliana Hatfield’s great comment that it is physically impossible for a woman to play a guitar solo. You can call me a sexist pig for a lot of other reasons, this just isn’t one of them.

The Shins are a great band and they played a good mix of their old and new material. It is a slightly strange show to watch though as I’m not quite sure what the crowd’s reaction should be. It’s not music you dance to or sing along with. You kind of just stand there, nod your head, and go, “Man, that is so awesome.” It’s also cool that the band looks like a bunch of regular guys. The lead singer is a tan Kevin Spacey, one guy looks like SNLs Chris Parnell, another looks like he’s a mechanic in his spare time, and the drummer looks like he might possibly spontaneously combust on stage. Plus, I love the fact that the band doesn’t have a regular bass player. Two of the guys hand off the bass on every song. Like they’re going “Crap, I don’t want to play bass. Here, you do it.” It’s so random that I love it.

The other interesting thing is that even though these guys are being called the next big thing by every music magazine they are still playing small venues in college towns. A few years ago they were just some guys from Albuquerque. Then they were the guys from Garden State (or The O.C. or The Gilmore Girls). Now, they might become the next band that can actually play music to break into the mainstream and I really hope they are. It would be nice to see videos from real bands once more.