I haven’t done one of these for a while. Let’s fire up the wayback machine and see what the Top Ten songs were this week in 1994. For referenceAfter going through this list you will see why claims that the music industry has gone totally downhill might not be a correct statement.
#10: Mariah Carey “Hero”: I can’t recall this song offhand. I’m going to assume that in it Mariah decides to have her voice do a three octave range on a single word even though it adds absolutely nothing to the song. Do you realize that we have Mariah to blame for the way every American Idol contestant sings? Where it is entirely about the singer’s range and absolutely nothing about the song? What a legacy to have.
#9: US 3 “Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)”: Ok, I totally dug this song. In fact, I was always amazed that you never heard anything from these guys again. This was a blend of hip hop and jazz and it worked extremely well. Plus, it had this awesome video that made the band look like the coolest guys in the world. I’m happy to see this song made the top ten.
#8: Richard Marx “Now and Forever”: Because power ballads will always chart from now until the end of time. Especially when it gets close to prom season. Fun story, I lived in a dorm with a guy who looked exactly like Richard Marx. Not kind of like him, a complete mirror image except for the fact that he had a southern accent. Do you know how hysterical it is to have dinner every night with a Richard Marx impersonator who speaks in a drawl and does nothing other than ramble on about the Dallas Cowboys? It made life so much more interesting.
#7: All-4-One “So Much in Love”: I have no memory of this song whatsoever. None. I mean, I drank a lot in college and the band name is vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place this song in a million years. Oh well. I’m sure they meant well.
#6: Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting “All for Love”: This song is from the soundtrack to “The Three Musketeers”, a film I would make fun of except that Julie Delpy was the romantic lead in it and I can say nothing bad about anything associated with Julie on the belief that she may one day read this website. This song was the follow up to Bryan Adams song in the Robin Hood soundtrack. Since that was a big hit they decided to add in Rod Stewart and Sting to create a supergroup of slightly annoying blonde vocalists (ok, I like Sting but the other two outweigh his good qualities). If you went to a wedding in 1994 there is a high likelihood that you heard this song and then had dreams of cutting Rod Stewart’s throat with a broken beer bottle.
#5: Toni Braxton “Breathe Again”: Music for people who want a more soulful Mariah Carey or a less relying on duets with her late father Natalie Cole. I’d say more about her work but to be honest the female R&B scene was never something that I was ever really interested in. It has always sold an immense number of records but the entire genre just does nothing to me. It needs more guitars.
#4: Mariah Carey “Without You / Never Forget You”: Another Mariah Carey song? I remember her being big when I was in college but I didn’t think she was this popular? That said, she is another performer whose popularity has always baffled me. Though I still remember her incredible performance in the film “Glitter”.
#3: Salt-N-Pepa featuring En Vogue “Whatta Man”: Another good song on the list. This was a fun mix of hip hop and R&B that also turned out to be the high point for both groups. Ever notice how some acts have a big hit and then fall off the face of the earth? I’m not talking about a one hit wonder where the follow up fails. I mean does anyone know if Salt-N-Pepa even released another album after this one? Did the loss of Spinderella destroy the group?
#2: Ace of Base “The Sign”: Sigh. For all of my claims that the music scene while I was in college was the best ever I still have to deal with the fact that songs like this were at the top of the charts. And here is a horrible secret of mine that no one knows. Some people have probably guessed that whenever I take a test I typically have a musical soundtrack running through my head. I always study to music and I just keep the songs playing in my mind when I take the test. Well, whenever I sat in room 151 of Everitt Lab to take a EE test I always sang Ace of base songs to myself. I have no idea why. It probably explains my grades, though.
#1: Celine Dion “The Power of Love”: It’s a pre-Titanic Celine. Meaning that we didn’t all hate her with a passion yet. We soon would, of course. Here is my favorite Celine story. For her show in Vegas when she sang her big hit from Titanic the stage would transform into the bow of a ship and she would stand on the edge. Couples in the crowd would then, and I am not making this up, stand on their seats and reenact the scene from Titanic. And a sight like that makes my cynical heart….grow a lot more cynical.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Can I sleep now?
Thanks for all the comments on the New Orleans story. I’m glad to see that it came out as well as I had hoped. I still have a few more stories to tell from the trip and I plan on getting to them over the weekend. Valentine the dog definitely deserves his day in the sun as does the story of the wonders of absinthe. I’ll get to them eventually, I promise.
Oh, two other lent jokes I came up with today…
I decided to give up indecisiveness for lent. Actually, on second thought, maybe I won’t.
I was going to give up apathy for lent but I figured I would let someone else do it instead.
(It doesn’t take much to make me laugh on a Wednesday.)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the worst part of the Obama presidency has been the complete ruining of my television schedule. Last night was the second time that my viewing of The Biggest Loser was interrupted because the President wanted to tell us that we are all screwed. All I want to do when I get home from work is lie on the couch, down a whole bag of Doritos and watch fat people sweat for two hours. But no, I have to listen to a lecture on fiscal responsibility and how we are now all going to have to sell our plasma to finance the national debt. Given that pop culture is our only export you would think that the president would allow us to enjoy the fruits of our labor.
However, while I know that most people in the press disliked Governor Jindal’s response I have to state that I am for any political leader who wishes the entire nation a happy Mardi Gras. That my friends is a sign of a politician that I can work with. Now, if only he was throwing out beads and had a brass band playing in the background then we might be able to say that we are making progress once again.
Though admittedly his questions about whether we should spend money on monitoring volcanoes seems at least a little odd. I mean, our nation does contain a number of mountains that on occasion will explode and devastate the surrounding region. It would be nice if we had a sense of, you know, when that might happen. Especially strange given that he is the governor of Louisiana, a state in which occasionally the entire population has to momentarily relocate to Arkansas until the weather clears.
(Apologies if this post is really disjointed tonight. I am just dead tired as I write it and my only goal is to get to the end of the page so that I can go to sleep.)
Wednesday Night Music Club: Per one of the comments, according to Papal Bull 784 Catholics are allowed to listen to the song Hallelujah during Lent. However, only the original version by Leonard Cohen and the three approved cover versions (Jeff Buckley’s, John Cale’s, and Rufus Wainwright’s) are permitted. Any other version is considered to be a venial sin and additional time in purgatory will result. If you listen to a version by someone who is or ever was a contestant on a reality talent show then it will be considered a mortal sin and you can expect to hear that version for the rest of your eternal torment.
So for everyone’s sake here is John Cale’s version. Enjoy.
Oh, two other lent jokes I came up with today…
I decided to give up indecisiveness for lent. Actually, on second thought, maybe I won’t.
I was going to give up apathy for lent but I figured I would let someone else do it instead.
(It doesn’t take much to make me laugh on a Wednesday.)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the worst part of the Obama presidency has been the complete ruining of my television schedule. Last night was the second time that my viewing of The Biggest Loser was interrupted because the President wanted to tell us that we are all screwed. All I want to do when I get home from work is lie on the couch, down a whole bag of Doritos and watch fat people sweat for two hours. But no, I have to listen to a lecture on fiscal responsibility and how we are now all going to have to sell our plasma to finance the national debt. Given that pop culture is our only export you would think that the president would allow us to enjoy the fruits of our labor.
However, while I know that most people in the press disliked Governor Jindal’s response I have to state that I am for any political leader who wishes the entire nation a happy Mardi Gras. That my friends is a sign of a politician that I can work with. Now, if only he was throwing out beads and had a brass band playing in the background then we might be able to say that we are making progress once again.
Though admittedly his questions about whether we should spend money on monitoring volcanoes seems at least a little odd. I mean, our nation does contain a number of mountains that on occasion will explode and devastate the surrounding region. It would be nice if we had a sense of, you know, when that might happen. Especially strange given that he is the governor of Louisiana, a state in which occasionally the entire population has to momentarily relocate to Arkansas until the weather clears.
(Apologies if this post is really disjointed tonight. I am just dead tired as I write it and my only goal is to get to the end of the page so that I can go to sleep.)
Wednesday Night Music Club: Per one of the comments, according to Papal Bull 784 Catholics are allowed to listen to the song Hallelujah during Lent. However, only the original version by Leonard Cohen and the three approved cover versions (Jeff Buckley’s, John Cale’s, and Rufus Wainwright’s) are permitted. Any other version is considered to be a venial sin and additional time in purgatory will result. If you listen to a version by someone who is or ever was a contestant on a reality talent show then it will be considered a mortal sin and you can expect to hear that version for the rest of your eternal torment.
So for everyone’s sake here is John Cale’s version. Enjoy.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A bit of the big easy
Three topics tonight for the price of one…
I’d like to thank everyone who stopped by the blog yesterday as I had my biggest traffic day ever as a result of my Oscar blog. 61 hits yesterday, which doesn’t sound like much until you realize that I don’t think I actually know 61 people. In fact, that amount allows me to cross one of my New Year’s resolutions off the list as it was my goal to break 50 readers in a day. Looking back at my resolutions (posted on January 1 for those interested in seeing the list) I am surprised at just how much progress I have made in the past two months. Just wait until I actually buy a yoga mat…
On the topic of resolutions today is Mardi Gras and that means tomorrow is the start of lent otherwise known as the second chance at new year’s resolutions for Catholics. At this time of year those of us who were raised in Catholic schools feel obligated to give something up for lent. Now I always feel like I must point out why we do this and why for the next few weeks I will no longer eat meat on Friday. It is not that cows are suddenly evil or that the Catholic church has a great deal of investments in the fishing industry. No, the entire idea of giving something up is to remind ourselves how blessed we are in life and to clear our minds of some of the superfluous fluff that overtakes it.
People always have interesting choices for lent. Many people give up beer, which always confuses me as I assume that God wants us to enjoy life. For the past few years I have given up negativity for lent. It never works and usually by Thursday my snark level is at unprecedented heights but at least I try. This year I am going to do something a little different. I’m giving up junk food for lent. After putting on a few more pounds over the winter (and realizing that I have been eating like crap) I’ve decided that I must really focus on how I am treating my body. So I am putting away the Twinkies and the Chewy Chips Ahoy and the I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Large Tub of Saturated Fat. Sigh. It’s going to be a long lent.
Since it is Mardi Gras I felt like I should share one small story from my trip to New Orleans last week. This explains all that I love about the city…
It was Monday and my travelling partner and I had spent an eventful weekend in the Quarter. Given that it had been the weekend before the weekend before Mardi Gras the Quarter had been filled with people and parades and energy. We had no real plans when we got there so we were just sucked into the entire atmosphere of joy and excitement and energy. On Monday though there was nothing scheduled and the two of us just planned on walking around, making those last purchases and enjoying our last moments in the city.
One of the things that I enjoyed seeing on this trip was that all of the people who make the city interesting were back. The painters, the fortune tellers, the people who ask you where you got your shoes at, they all had returned to the city after a brief respite after Katrina. They are what gives the city its unique charm. There is no organization or structure behind them, you are not quite sure where they came from or where they go at night, but they create this other worldly atmosphere to the city. They make it unlike any place else.
My travelling partner would always carry money on her so she could put a few dollars in the hat of all of the performers. She would occasionally go into a bar with the intent of getting change just so she could tip the next person she came across, even if it meant crossing the street to do so. That just amazed me. Most people (including myself, sadly) are all too tempted to just increase our pace as we walk past and not appreciate the fact that there is a human being behind the performance. That this is not a theme park employee; this is someone for whom this moment is their life. To say that she impressed me with these small acts does not do the word or her justice.
So on our last day walking around the city we came across a guy with a mane of rather wild, curly hair playing a cello. On the list of instruments one plays to impress tourists a cello is rather highbrow. It is Mardi Gras after all and the drunken frat boys are surprisingly uninterested in classical music. We pass him by and she puts a few dollars in his hat and he thanks her. We walk around for a few hours, make a few purchases and while walking in a different part of the Quarter we walk by him again. She once again drops a few dollars in the hat and as we are about ten steps away he yells out “Thanks again!” as we both turn to see him waving and smiling at us.
Day turns into night and we end our trip with just a fantastic dinner and one last walk back to our hotel. We step onto Jackson Square and from a distance I can hear a cello playing. There is our friend, in his third location of the day at least, set up in front of St. Louis Cathedral as the last bits of light are fading from the city. I pause for a second, look at her, and went “Let’s make this guy’s day.”
The two of us rush over to him and put enough money in the hat to cover a few nights at the youth hostel. I know this because he told us exactly what he needed for the night and how he was hoping beyond hope that someone would give him enough just so he could go back and go to sleep. And instead of just doing this and walking by we talked with him to find out his story. His name was Bracken and he was from Wisconsin and he was doing this as part of what could only be described as a musical dream. He wasn’t sure quite what he was trying to accomplish but he knew that if he could go to parts of the country and just play the music that he loved and survived that it would make him a better person and a better musician. He missed his family, he missed his home, but something told him that if he made his way to New Orleans everything would work out. That this was a place he was just meant to be. When we last saw him he was making his way through the Quarter, cello in hand, with the biggest smile on his face.
I’ve often said that what I love about New Orleans is that it is an actual place and the US has very few of those. On the surface that means that the city itself is not a Xeroxed version of every other city in America with the same strip malls and chain stores. But what I really mean is that the people in the city are a wonderful set of madmen and dreamers who want to see what will happen if for one moment in your life you try to make your wishes come true. The city is built by people who pursue their art and their joy of life come hell or high water, literally.
Why do I always visit New Orleans? Because dreams permeate the city in a way I have never seen anywhere else in the world. And it is the most intoxicating sight one can imagine.
Happy Mardi Gras everyone. Enjoy some Cowboy Mouth.
I’d like to thank everyone who stopped by the blog yesterday as I had my biggest traffic day ever as a result of my Oscar blog. 61 hits yesterday, which doesn’t sound like much until you realize that I don’t think I actually know 61 people. In fact, that amount allows me to cross one of my New Year’s resolutions off the list as it was my goal to break 50 readers in a day. Looking back at my resolutions (posted on January 1 for those interested in seeing the list) I am surprised at just how much progress I have made in the past two months. Just wait until I actually buy a yoga mat…
On the topic of resolutions today is Mardi Gras and that means tomorrow is the start of lent otherwise known as the second chance at new year’s resolutions for Catholics. At this time of year those of us who were raised in Catholic schools feel obligated to give something up for lent. Now I always feel like I must point out why we do this and why for the next few weeks I will no longer eat meat on Friday. It is not that cows are suddenly evil or that the Catholic church has a great deal of investments in the fishing industry. No, the entire idea of giving something up is to remind ourselves how blessed we are in life and to clear our minds of some of the superfluous fluff that overtakes it.
People always have interesting choices for lent. Many people give up beer, which always confuses me as I assume that God wants us to enjoy life. For the past few years I have given up negativity for lent. It never works and usually by Thursday my snark level is at unprecedented heights but at least I try. This year I am going to do something a little different. I’m giving up junk food for lent. After putting on a few more pounds over the winter (and realizing that I have been eating like crap) I’ve decided that I must really focus on how I am treating my body. So I am putting away the Twinkies and the Chewy Chips Ahoy and the I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Large Tub of Saturated Fat. Sigh. It’s going to be a long lent.
Since it is Mardi Gras I felt like I should share one small story from my trip to New Orleans last week. This explains all that I love about the city…
It was Monday and my travelling partner and I had spent an eventful weekend in the Quarter. Given that it had been the weekend before the weekend before Mardi Gras the Quarter had been filled with people and parades and energy. We had no real plans when we got there so we were just sucked into the entire atmosphere of joy and excitement and energy. On Monday though there was nothing scheduled and the two of us just planned on walking around, making those last purchases and enjoying our last moments in the city.
One of the things that I enjoyed seeing on this trip was that all of the people who make the city interesting were back. The painters, the fortune tellers, the people who ask you where you got your shoes at, they all had returned to the city after a brief respite after Katrina. They are what gives the city its unique charm. There is no organization or structure behind them, you are not quite sure where they came from or where they go at night, but they create this other worldly atmosphere to the city. They make it unlike any place else.
My travelling partner would always carry money on her so she could put a few dollars in the hat of all of the performers. She would occasionally go into a bar with the intent of getting change just so she could tip the next person she came across, even if it meant crossing the street to do so. That just amazed me. Most people (including myself, sadly) are all too tempted to just increase our pace as we walk past and not appreciate the fact that there is a human being behind the performance. That this is not a theme park employee; this is someone for whom this moment is their life. To say that she impressed me with these small acts does not do the word or her justice.
So on our last day walking around the city we came across a guy with a mane of rather wild, curly hair playing a cello. On the list of instruments one plays to impress tourists a cello is rather highbrow. It is Mardi Gras after all and the drunken frat boys are surprisingly uninterested in classical music. We pass him by and she puts a few dollars in his hat and he thanks her. We walk around for a few hours, make a few purchases and while walking in a different part of the Quarter we walk by him again. She once again drops a few dollars in the hat and as we are about ten steps away he yells out “Thanks again!” as we both turn to see him waving and smiling at us.
Day turns into night and we end our trip with just a fantastic dinner and one last walk back to our hotel. We step onto Jackson Square and from a distance I can hear a cello playing. There is our friend, in his third location of the day at least, set up in front of St. Louis Cathedral as the last bits of light are fading from the city. I pause for a second, look at her, and went “Let’s make this guy’s day.”
The two of us rush over to him and put enough money in the hat to cover a few nights at the youth hostel. I know this because he told us exactly what he needed for the night and how he was hoping beyond hope that someone would give him enough just so he could go back and go to sleep. And instead of just doing this and walking by we talked with him to find out his story. His name was Bracken and he was from Wisconsin and he was doing this as part of what could only be described as a musical dream. He wasn’t sure quite what he was trying to accomplish but he knew that if he could go to parts of the country and just play the music that he loved and survived that it would make him a better person and a better musician. He missed his family, he missed his home, but something told him that if he made his way to New Orleans everything would work out. That this was a place he was just meant to be. When we last saw him he was making his way through the Quarter, cello in hand, with the biggest smile on his face.
I’ve often said that what I love about New Orleans is that it is an actual place and the US has very few of those. On the surface that means that the city itself is not a Xeroxed version of every other city in America with the same strip malls and chain stores. But what I really mean is that the people in the city are a wonderful set of madmen and dreamers who want to see what will happen if for one moment in your life you try to make your wishes come true. The city is built by people who pursue their art and their joy of life come hell or high water, literally.
Why do I always visit New Orleans? Because dreams permeate the city in a way I have never seen anywhere else in the world. And it is the most intoxicating sight one can imagine.
Happy Mardi Gras everyone. Enjoy some Cowboy Mouth.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Oscar wrap up
A few more points from the Oscars…
1) If I had to choose a word to describe the Oscars last night that word would be, sadly, masturbatory. It’s the only way I can describe the proceedings. Now all award shows have a degree of self-love associated with them given that all they are is a group of people giving each other trophies for how super they think they are. But the more I think about it the way the acting awards were handed out took it to another level. It consisted of five famous people telling five other famous people how fabulous they were for being famous. When people talk about Hollywood being insular this is exactly what they meant.
2) Off the subject but it fits in here. While in one of the many tacky t-shirt shops in New Orleans (which survived Hurricane Katrina completely unscathed) I saw a shirt that read “I’d rather be masterbating.” I’m not sure what would be the worst part about wearing this shirt. It would either a) be the fact that you are crass enough to express that feeling in public or b) be the fact that not only did you buy a shirt referencing masturbation but you couldn’t even find one that spelled it properly.
3) Back to the awards. What really bugged me about the break from tradition in showing clips from the nominated performances is that for many of the nominees I still have no clue who they are or what their movie was about. Face it, Speed Racer got more screen time in the Oscars than Frozen River or The Visitor and both of those had top acting nominees. You would think that after watching the entire show I would have some sense of what those movies are about other than a body of water in a cold climate and someone coming over to your house.
4) I could have mentioned this last night but I didn’t. I have no idea why everyone makes such a big fuss over Angelina Jolie. I don’t even find her that attractive. Yes she is dark and mysterious and seems like someone who in the middle of the night will cut out your kidney. I just don’t find that very interesting. I know there are many people who are still upset that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for her. Count me in the camp who wonders how Brad Pitt could have left Gwenyth Paltrow for either of them.
5) I’m still at a loss as to how Bruce Springsteen wasn’t nominated for his song in The Wrestler. That seemed tailor made for an Oscar nomination just because it would have gotten some people to tune into the broadcast.
6) As for Hugh Jackman, he did a fine job as host though I was quite upset that he never made an appearance as Wolverine. What is the point of our top scientists spending years working on fusing a human skeleton with adamantium if we do not get to showcase it on the world’s biggest stage? And don’t ask me why but on the list of superpowers that I would like to have Wolverine’s claws are really high on the list. They are surprisingly useless when you think about it (ooh, it is like having a knife you can’t drop) but just seem to rank really high on the coolness scale.
Since it is Lundi Gras and tomorrow is one of my favorite days in the world I thought that I would post some New Orleans music the next two nights. Tonight I’ll go with one of my favorite zydeco performers: Terrence Simien. For the record, I have bowled with his washboard player at a concert that literally took place in a bowling alley. And people wonder why I like New Orleans…
1) If I had to choose a word to describe the Oscars last night that word would be, sadly, masturbatory. It’s the only way I can describe the proceedings. Now all award shows have a degree of self-love associated with them given that all they are is a group of people giving each other trophies for how super they think they are. But the more I think about it the way the acting awards were handed out took it to another level. It consisted of five famous people telling five other famous people how fabulous they were for being famous. When people talk about Hollywood being insular this is exactly what they meant.
2) Off the subject but it fits in here. While in one of the many tacky t-shirt shops in New Orleans (which survived Hurricane Katrina completely unscathed) I saw a shirt that read “I’d rather be masterbating.” I’m not sure what would be the worst part about wearing this shirt. It would either a) be the fact that you are crass enough to express that feeling in public or b) be the fact that not only did you buy a shirt referencing masturbation but you couldn’t even find one that spelled it properly.
3) Back to the awards. What really bugged me about the break from tradition in showing clips from the nominated performances is that for many of the nominees I still have no clue who they are or what their movie was about. Face it, Speed Racer got more screen time in the Oscars than Frozen River or The Visitor and both of those had top acting nominees. You would think that after watching the entire show I would have some sense of what those movies are about other than a body of water in a cold climate and someone coming over to your house.
4) I could have mentioned this last night but I didn’t. I have no idea why everyone makes such a big fuss over Angelina Jolie. I don’t even find her that attractive. Yes she is dark and mysterious and seems like someone who in the middle of the night will cut out your kidney. I just don’t find that very interesting. I know there are many people who are still upset that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for her. Count me in the camp who wonders how Brad Pitt could have left Gwenyth Paltrow for either of them.
5) I’m still at a loss as to how Bruce Springsteen wasn’t nominated for his song in The Wrestler. That seemed tailor made for an Oscar nomination just because it would have gotten some people to tune into the broadcast.
6) As for Hugh Jackman, he did a fine job as host though I was quite upset that he never made an appearance as Wolverine. What is the point of our top scientists spending years working on fusing a human skeleton with adamantium if we do not get to showcase it on the world’s biggest stage? And don’t ask me why but on the list of superpowers that I would like to have Wolverine’s claws are really high on the list. They are surprisingly useless when you think about it (ooh, it is like having a knife you can’t drop) but just seem to rank really high on the coolness scale.
Since it is Lundi Gras and tomorrow is one of my favorite days in the world I thought that I would post some New Orleans music the next two nights. Tonight I’ll go with one of my favorite zydeco performers: Terrence Simien. For the record, I have bowled with his washboard player at a concert that literally took place in a bowling alley. And people wonder why I like New Orleans…
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Oscar Night 2009
7:55 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from the entertainment wing of the Battling the Current Headquarters for wall to wall coverage of Oscar Night 2009. In order to meet the criteria as an Oscar reporter I am currently wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.
7:58 P.M.: Yeah, and I’m alone again. My Oscar parties are like my Super Bowl parties and my Election parties. I always end up with a lot of beer left over. In no way do I consider that a bad thing.
7:59 P.M.: The rules are the same as always. I am watching the ABC coverage of the Oscars and I will spend the night making snarky remarks about anything and everything. Expect a great deal of wrestling related material and at least one skank reference.
8:00 P.M.: Sweet! We start with a Tim Gunn sighting! Let’s make it work. And Kate Winslet is gorgeous as always. She is one of the few actresses who has a) talent and b) looks like an actual human being.
8:03 P.M.: Oh my God, Amy Adams is just amazing. She has so shot up my favorite actress list. Sarah Jessica Parker looks to be wearing a ballerina skirt while Matthew Broderick seems to be rocking a combover. Or at least a very intensive hair care regimen to make it look as though he actually has hair. You have to feel sorry for Matthew Broderick. You know how you hate hearing about Sex and the City? Imagine if you had to hear it from Sarah Jessica Parker every day of your life.
8:09 P.M.: So Valentino is missing either a first or a last name. Either that or besides being a fashion designer he is also a Brazilian soccer player.
8:11 P.M.: Mickey Rourke is in the house. Come on, answer the challenge from Chris Jericho. What are you, a coward? On the other hand, he is mourning the passing of his dog so I will give him a pass on not agreeing to a ladder match.
8:15 P.M.: Remind me why I am supposed to care about Miley Cyrus again? Did she like cure cancer recently? So far we have had two interviews with Disney stars which is a wonderful case of corporate synergy. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it is completely unfair that Anne Hathaway can be that talented, beautiful and be named after Shakerspeare’s wife.
8:20 P.M.: Finally, the Price Waterhouse Coopers accountants get their moment on the red carpet. Why they are forced to wear a tuxedo is besides me. I’ve always wondered why they just don’t show up in jeans and t-shirts. It’s not like they have to do anything more difficult than carry a briefcase around.
8:23 P.M.: Oh what I would give for them to pan the scene at the Oscar bar and to see Mickey Rourke and Robert Downey Jr. just going to town at the end of the bar. That or just to see a group of people swigging Old Style and Pabst.
8:30 P.M.: We are going with a cold open and a supper club feel to the entire event. Your host is Hugh Jackman (or Huge Ackman as everyone seems to pronounce it) thus making him the first superhero to host the Oscars.
8:38 P.M.: Ok, ten points to Hugh Jackman (and a big assist to Anne Hathaway) for the opening number. That was a lot of fun. I never thought that I would get to see a barbed wire wrestling ring on stage at the Oscars.
8:41 P.M.: We get a Juliette Binoche sighting during the Best Supporting Actress retrospective. That means nothing to anyone other than me, who has the movie poster from the film Blue hanging in his dining room.
8:43 P.M.: Starting early with the big awards as we start with the Best Supporting Actress. We apparently are giving full descriptions of everyone’s performance as opposed to, say, showing a clip of it. If we do this for every award I am going to be here until two in the morning. Penelope Cruz wins it for the Woody Allen film in which she makes out with Scarlett Johannsen. Let that be a lesson to those who wish to win this award in the future.
8:51 P.M.: Hey Sprint still has enough cash to advertise! I’m…I’m…I’m rather surprised by that fact. I assumed they would just collapse without me there.
8:56 P.M.: This is different. Usually the original screenplay Oscar is later in the night. Given that this is the only Oscar I am still capable of winning I wish there would be a bit more gravitas given to it. Milk wins and again no real complaints on that one. Especially given that Wall-E barely has what can be called dialogue.
9:01 P.M.: Adapted Screenplay goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Expect to hear that a lot tonight. I was cheering for Benjamin Button just because I would have liked to have seen F. Scott Fitzgerald been thanked on stage.
9:07 P.M.: What a surprise, Wall-E wins for Best Animated Feature. I so thought this was Space Chimps year. You know it is a foregone conclusion when Jack Black jokes about the inevitability of it while presenting the award. And then we hand out the animated short film to some vague French film. I would have preferred the one about bathroom love.
9:10 P.M.: Did we just get a freaking Styx shout out? Ok, that may just have been the coolest thing ever.
9:19 P.M.: Daniel Craig looks like he can snap anyone’s neck at any time. Come on Daniel, Sarah Jessica Parker is standing right there! You know you want to do it.
9:31 P.M.: Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller. My most favorite and least favorite people on the planet. Well, at least Natalie looks pretty while I sit around and watch Ben try to be funny.
9:38 P.M.: Jessica Biel is wearing one of those vaguely half finished dresses. Jessica had the honor of being the hot young starlet who hosted the Sci Tech awards. Those are the Oscars for the geeks like me. I always find it horribly unfair that they bring out a starlet for just that one night. It is like, “This is the closest you are ever going to get to someone this fabulous so we are going to hold a contest to see who can get to touch her.”
9:45 P.M.: Necro Butcher makes the Oscar telecast! And people wonder why I’ve watched wrestling all these years. It’s not because of a case of delayed psychological development and the inability to become a mature adult. It’s because I am just so far ahead of the culture curve that I have to wait years for people to understand what I find cool.
9:53 P.M.: I’m sorry but did I stumble onto the Tony Awards? I’m kind of lost as to the purpose of this tribute to musicals. What is worse is that now that I am on the East Coast this show is already going to be an hour longer than it has for the rest of my life. And this is looking like it is going to be a long show.
10:08 P.M.: In one of those certain moments, Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight. Again, there are times in my life when I lose my snark and this is one of them. Though I will say can we add Mary Kate Olsen to the list headed by Courtney Love as people who have resulted in the loss of more art than the creation of it.
10:28 P.M.: Benjamin Button has won a surprising number of awards tonight. True, they have all been in technical categories but I had read a lot of predictions that had them winning zero awards even though it was the most nominated film of the year. It will be interesting to see if that turns into an upset on any of the big awards.
10:33 P.M.: John Mayer is in the crowd with Jennifer Aniston. You know, just if you are interested in whether they are still pretending to be dating or not.
10:35 P.M.: Here is one of the challenges of live blogging the Oscars. I feel as though I have to come up with something witty to say about the award for Best Editing. Except that it is physically impossible to come up with something witty to say about an award you don’t quite understand for a movie you haven’t seen yet. And since Will Smith just gave out the last four awards I haven’t even been able to make a joke about someone’s dress for the past fifteen minutes.
10:40 P.M.: In the Motherhood got its own TV show? Ok, back in a past life when I was doing marketing for a living I was pitched that idea and considered it dumb beyond belief. Admittedly, I was the complete opposite of the target market but I still didn’t get the purpose of having people send in real life stories to be made into short films. That has never worked no matter how many times they’ve tried.
10:44 P.M.: This year’s honorary Oscar goes to Jerry Lewis. I still have a hard time writing Oscar and Jerry Lewis in the same sentence. That is the problem with people my age. We only know of him as a parody of himself. I’m pretty certain that his style of comedy was ground breaking and if I watched it with clear eyes I would appreciate it. But I only can see it through the jokes that exist around it. But it is nice that he is honored for all of his humanitarian work. You really can’t doubt the good that he has done.
10:55 P.M.: You know, the song award just isn’t the same without Glen and Marketa. It takes all of the fun out of it. Or at least my rooting interest. Slumdog Millionaire wins both music awards which is pretty freaking amazing. Occasionally a non-English song will win but this is probably the first from a completely foreign style of music. There really is no western equivalent to Hindi music. I’ve gotten a bit of an ear for it and I like it but I can’t connect it to any of the music that I’ve listened to for my entire life.
11:11 P.M.: The annual dead person montage comes this time with a song by Queen Latifah. This still doesn’t change the fact that it is a competition to see who gets the biggest applause after they leave this world. A surprising amount of applause for Ricardo Montalban (Kahn!) and Stan Winston. Not surprisingly, Paul Newman gets the spot of honor at the end.
11:18 P.M.: Wow, that is a rather daring dress on Reese Witherspoon. It looked better from a distance than in close up. As does her eye makeup. That is the wonders of HD. I can find flaws in the look of a woman who is so beautiful she wouldn’t even take the effort to dismiss me if she saw me in public.
11:20 P.M.: Strange that we are doing director ahead of the acting awards but that has been the way this telecast has been. Danny Boyle wins for Slumdog, which is just running away with this thing. I’m going to give him props for referencing Tigger in his acceptance speech. This has been a rather odd little show. They set it up in a much less formal way than the typical Oscar telecast and I’m not sure if I like it or not. It definitely makes it interesting but we seem to get the rapid fire technical awards and less of a showing of what made the movies memorable to begin with.
11:24 P.M.: The other problem of course is that this just hasn’t been a high powered Oscar telecast. No big name films, very few big names up for awards, just a lot of low key moments.
11:26 P.M.: Best actress time and we finally explain why Sophia Loren has been in the crowd this entire time. She is flanked by Shirley Macclaine in a pantsuit for those of you who are wondering who is going to win all of the worst dressed awards tomorrow. (Also, these speeches about the nominees sound like a really bad prom court nomination ceremony. It is really sweet for the people in the theater but incredibly bizarre as a viewer sitting on his couch wrapped up in a nice blankie.) Kate Winslet finally gets her Oscar. It took them long enough to honor her.
11:37 P.M.: Best Actor time (and I thought it was Sir Anthony Hopkins along with Sir Ben Kingsley. Then again we had Seymour Philip Hoffman earlier tonight). Sean Penn beats out Mickey Rourke because the academy just does not understand the brilliant acting that is required to drive another human being through a table that is laced with barbed wire. This is a sham of a travesty of a mockery. I’ve stayed up this late and I don’t get a Mickey Rourke acceptance speech? Can I ask for a refund of my time? Or at least get a dance from Marisa Tomei just to make things even?
11:47 P.M.: And Steven Spielberg gets to send us home with Best Picture. Notice that Best Picture and Director don’t get the huge self aggrandizing speeches as the acting awards. Mainly because pictures can not talk and directors know better. And Slumdog Millionaire completes their big night. Let’s give the academy credit on this one. Talk about a film that has zero box office pull in this country. All you had was a director who was best known for a film about drug addicts a decade ago. Yet it gets the biggest award of the year. In a few years people might look back and wonder just how this film won it. I don’t think anyone will ever figure it out.
11:55 P.M.: And we close the night with images of this year’s films. In a perfect world next year’s Oscar will go to Transformers 2.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Frames “Dance the Devil…”
2) Cowboy Mouth “It Means Escape”
3) Howie Day “Live From…”
4) Victoria Williams “Loose”
5) The Subdudes “Miracle Mule”
7:58 P.M.: Yeah, and I’m alone again. My Oscar parties are like my Super Bowl parties and my Election parties. I always end up with a lot of beer left over. In no way do I consider that a bad thing.
7:59 P.M.: The rules are the same as always. I am watching the ABC coverage of the Oscars and I will spend the night making snarky remarks about anything and everything. Expect a great deal of wrestling related material and at least one skank reference.
8:00 P.M.: Sweet! We start with a Tim Gunn sighting! Let’s make it work. And Kate Winslet is gorgeous as always. She is one of the few actresses who has a) talent and b) looks like an actual human being.
8:03 P.M.: Oh my God, Amy Adams is just amazing. She has so shot up my favorite actress list. Sarah Jessica Parker looks to be wearing a ballerina skirt while Matthew Broderick seems to be rocking a combover. Or at least a very intensive hair care regimen to make it look as though he actually has hair. You have to feel sorry for Matthew Broderick. You know how you hate hearing about Sex and the City? Imagine if you had to hear it from Sarah Jessica Parker every day of your life.
8:09 P.M.: So Valentino is missing either a first or a last name. Either that or besides being a fashion designer he is also a Brazilian soccer player.
8:11 P.M.: Mickey Rourke is in the house. Come on, answer the challenge from Chris Jericho. What are you, a coward? On the other hand, he is mourning the passing of his dog so I will give him a pass on not agreeing to a ladder match.
8:15 P.M.: Remind me why I am supposed to care about Miley Cyrus again? Did she like cure cancer recently? So far we have had two interviews with Disney stars which is a wonderful case of corporate synergy. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it is completely unfair that Anne Hathaway can be that talented, beautiful and be named after Shakerspeare’s wife.
8:20 P.M.: Finally, the Price Waterhouse Coopers accountants get their moment on the red carpet. Why they are forced to wear a tuxedo is besides me. I’ve always wondered why they just don’t show up in jeans and t-shirts. It’s not like they have to do anything more difficult than carry a briefcase around.
8:23 P.M.: Oh what I would give for them to pan the scene at the Oscar bar and to see Mickey Rourke and Robert Downey Jr. just going to town at the end of the bar. That or just to see a group of people swigging Old Style and Pabst.
8:30 P.M.: We are going with a cold open and a supper club feel to the entire event. Your host is Hugh Jackman (or Huge Ackman as everyone seems to pronounce it) thus making him the first superhero to host the Oscars.
8:38 P.M.: Ok, ten points to Hugh Jackman (and a big assist to Anne Hathaway) for the opening number. That was a lot of fun. I never thought that I would get to see a barbed wire wrestling ring on stage at the Oscars.
8:41 P.M.: We get a Juliette Binoche sighting during the Best Supporting Actress retrospective. That means nothing to anyone other than me, who has the movie poster from the film Blue hanging in his dining room.
8:43 P.M.: Starting early with the big awards as we start with the Best Supporting Actress. We apparently are giving full descriptions of everyone’s performance as opposed to, say, showing a clip of it. If we do this for every award I am going to be here until two in the morning. Penelope Cruz wins it for the Woody Allen film in which she makes out with Scarlett Johannsen. Let that be a lesson to those who wish to win this award in the future.
8:51 P.M.: Hey Sprint still has enough cash to advertise! I’m…I’m…I’m rather surprised by that fact. I assumed they would just collapse without me there.
8:56 P.M.: This is different. Usually the original screenplay Oscar is later in the night. Given that this is the only Oscar I am still capable of winning I wish there would be a bit more gravitas given to it. Milk wins and again no real complaints on that one. Especially given that Wall-E barely has what can be called dialogue.
9:01 P.M.: Adapted Screenplay goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Expect to hear that a lot tonight. I was cheering for Benjamin Button just because I would have liked to have seen F. Scott Fitzgerald been thanked on stage.
9:07 P.M.: What a surprise, Wall-E wins for Best Animated Feature. I so thought this was Space Chimps year. You know it is a foregone conclusion when Jack Black jokes about the inevitability of it while presenting the award. And then we hand out the animated short film to some vague French film. I would have preferred the one about bathroom love.
9:10 P.M.: Did we just get a freaking Styx shout out? Ok, that may just have been the coolest thing ever.
9:19 P.M.: Daniel Craig looks like he can snap anyone’s neck at any time. Come on Daniel, Sarah Jessica Parker is standing right there! You know you want to do it.
9:31 P.M.: Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller. My most favorite and least favorite people on the planet. Well, at least Natalie looks pretty while I sit around and watch Ben try to be funny.
9:38 P.M.: Jessica Biel is wearing one of those vaguely half finished dresses. Jessica had the honor of being the hot young starlet who hosted the Sci Tech awards. Those are the Oscars for the geeks like me. I always find it horribly unfair that they bring out a starlet for just that one night. It is like, “This is the closest you are ever going to get to someone this fabulous so we are going to hold a contest to see who can get to touch her.”
9:45 P.M.: Necro Butcher makes the Oscar telecast! And people wonder why I’ve watched wrestling all these years. It’s not because of a case of delayed psychological development and the inability to become a mature adult. It’s because I am just so far ahead of the culture curve that I have to wait years for people to understand what I find cool.
9:53 P.M.: I’m sorry but did I stumble onto the Tony Awards? I’m kind of lost as to the purpose of this tribute to musicals. What is worse is that now that I am on the East Coast this show is already going to be an hour longer than it has for the rest of my life. And this is looking like it is going to be a long show.
10:08 P.M.: In one of those certain moments, Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight. Again, there are times in my life when I lose my snark and this is one of them. Though I will say can we add Mary Kate Olsen to the list headed by Courtney Love as people who have resulted in the loss of more art than the creation of it.
10:28 P.M.: Benjamin Button has won a surprising number of awards tonight. True, they have all been in technical categories but I had read a lot of predictions that had them winning zero awards even though it was the most nominated film of the year. It will be interesting to see if that turns into an upset on any of the big awards.
10:33 P.M.: John Mayer is in the crowd with Jennifer Aniston. You know, just if you are interested in whether they are still pretending to be dating or not.
10:35 P.M.: Here is one of the challenges of live blogging the Oscars. I feel as though I have to come up with something witty to say about the award for Best Editing. Except that it is physically impossible to come up with something witty to say about an award you don’t quite understand for a movie you haven’t seen yet. And since Will Smith just gave out the last four awards I haven’t even been able to make a joke about someone’s dress for the past fifteen minutes.
10:40 P.M.: In the Motherhood got its own TV show? Ok, back in a past life when I was doing marketing for a living I was pitched that idea and considered it dumb beyond belief. Admittedly, I was the complete opposite of the target market but I still didn’t get the purpose of having people send in real life stories to be made into short films. That has never worked no matter how many times they’ve tried.
10:44 P.M.: This year’s honorary Oscar goes to Jerry Lewis. I still have a hard time writing Oscar and Jerry Lewis in the same sentence. That is the problem with people my age. We only know of him as a parody of himself. I’m pretty certain that his style of comedy was ground breaking and if I watched it with clear eyes I would appreciate it. But I only can see it through the jokes that exist around it. But it is nice that he is honored for all of his humanitarian work. You really can’t doubt the good that he has done.
10:55 P.M.: You know, the song award just isn’t the same without Glen and Marketa. It takes all of the fun out of it. Or at least my rooting interest. Slumdog Millionaire wins both music awards which is pretty freaking amazing. Occasionally a non-English song will win but this is probably the first from a completely foreign style of music. There really is no western equivalent to Hindi music. I’ve gotten a bit of an ear for it and I like it but I can’t connect it to any of the music that I’ve listened to for my entire life.
11:11 P.M.: The annual dead person montage comes this time with a song by Queen Latifah. This still doesn’t change the fact that it is a competition to see who gets the biggest applause after they leave this world. A surprising amount of applause for Ricardo Montalban (Kahn!) and Stan Winston. Not surprisingly, Paul Newman gets the spot of honor at the end.
11:18 P.M.: Wow, that is a rather daring dress on Reese Witherspoon. It looked better from a distance than in close up. As does her eye makeup. That is the wonders of HD. I can find flaws in the look of a woman who is so beautiful she wouldn’t even take the effort to dismiss me if she saw me in public.
11:20 P.M.: Strange that we are doing director ahead of the acting awards but that has been the way this telecast has been. Danny Boyle wins for Slumdog, which is just running away with this thing. I’m going to give him props for referencing Tigger in his acceptance speech. This has been a rather odd little show. They set it up in a much less formal way than the typical Oscar telecast and I’m not sure if I like it or not. It definitely makes it interesting but we seem to get the rapid fire technical awards and less of a showing of what made the movies memorable to begin with.
11:24 P.M.: The other problem of course is that this just hasn’t been a high powered Oscar telecast. No big name films, very few big names up for awards, just a lot of low key moments.
11:26 P.M.: Best actress time and we finally explain why Sophia Loren has been in the crowd this entire time. She is flanked by Shirley Macclaine in a pantsuit for those of you who are wondering who is going to win all of the worst dressed awards tomorrow. (Also, these speeches about the nominees sound like a really bad prom court nomination ceremony. It is really sweet for the people in the theater but incredibly bizarre as a viewer sitting on his couch wrapped up in a nice blankie.) Kate Winslet finally gets her Oscar. It took them long enough to honor her.
11:37 P.M.: Best Actor time (and I thought it was Sir Anthony Hopkins along with Sir Ben Kingsley. Then again we had Seymour Philip Hoffman earlier tonight). Sean Penn beats out Mickey Rourke because the academy just does not understand the brilliant acting that is required to drive another human being through a table that is laced with barbed wire. This is a sham of a travesty of a mockery. I’ve stayed up this late and I don’t get a Mickey Rourke acceptance speech? Can I ask for a refund of my time? Or at least get a dance from Marisa Tomei just to make things even?
11:47 P.M.: And Steven Spielberg gets to send us home with Best Picture. Notice that Best Picture and Director don’t get the huge self aggrandizing speeches as the acting awards. Mainly because pictures can not talk and directors know better. And Slumdog Millionaire completes their big night. Let’s give the academy credit on this one. Talk about a film that has zero box office pull in this country. All you had was a director who was best known for a film about drug addicts a decade ago. Yet it gets the biggest award of the year. In a few years people might look back and wonder just how this film won it. I don’t think anyone will ever figure it out.
11:55 P.M.: And we close the night with images of this year’s films. In a perfect world next year’s Oscar will go to Transformers 2.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Frames “Dance the Devil…”
2) Cowboy Mouth “It Means Escape”
3) Howie Day “Live From…”
4) Victoria Williams “Loose”
5) The Subdudes “Miracle Mule”
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A smattering of random thoughts
Yes, my Illini lost to Penn State last night by a score of 38 to 33. In basketball. I can accept Illinois losing to Penn State by that score in football but in basketball? First of all, since when does Penn State even play basketball? Does Joe Pa teach the players the two handed set shot? But my god, how can you not score more than 33 points when you are playing at home? Unless the entire team was drunk I would consider this the worst loss in Illinois history (except for every single time we lost to Northwestern in any sport.)
One odd travel story from this week: When given a list of places to switch planes do not choose Orlando the day after a three day weekend. That is unless you want to spend the entire flight surrounded by a gaggle of small children, many of whom either have their faces painted or are wearing a princess costume, who will spend the entire flight talking at as loud a volume as they possibly can. There is not a volume level on my Zune that is loud enough to cover up the noise of such an amped up crew. It is not that I dislike children, it is just that I prefer dealing with them only when they are somehow related to me and we are not locked into a confined space.
Oh and on my way down to New Orleans I got to spend a few hours in the Nashville airport, which is quite an experience. It is very much a y’all type of place. The best part of the airport was the country music stars who recorded announcements. So you have the guy from Big and Rich (who may be either big or rich, I can never tell) informing you that you are no longer allowed to smoke inside the terminal building.
The best was the guy from Diamond Rio who informed me that all animals, except for service animals, must be locked up inside the terminal. That doesn’t sound funny on the surface but given a lack of sleep and a southern accent “service animals” sounds surprisingly like “circus animals”. I swear the first time I heard it I thought he said circus animals. I suddenly had visions of tigers wandering down the concourse followed by a guy wearing a sequined jacket. And to be honest, that wouldn’t have been the weirdest site I saw all weekend.
That is about it for tonight. I am just dead tired and I am so looking forward to this weekend just so I can catch up on sleep and relax. When I got back from the airport I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had spent more than a few days in my apartment. These past few weeks have just left me physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Things are good, though, don’t worry about that. I just need to turn my brain off for a little while. Sunday night will be the Oscar Live Blog. Dresses! Slumdogs! Vague questions about the merits of cinematography! See you then.
One odd travel story from this week: When given a list of places to switch planes do not choose Orlando the day after a three day weekend. That is unless you want to spend the entire flight surrounded by a gaggle of small children, many of whom either have their faces painted or are wearing a princess costume, who will spend the entire flight talking at as loud a volume as they possibly can. There is not a volume level on my Zune that is loud enough to cover up the noise of such an amped up crew. It is not that I dislike children, it is just that I prefer dealing with them only when they are somehow related to me and we are not locked into a confined space.
Oh and on my way down to New Orleans I got to spend a few hours in the Nashville airport, which is quite an experience. It is very much a y’all type of place. The best part of the airport was the country music stars who recorded announcements. So you have the guy from Big and Rich (who may be either big or rich, I can never tell) informing you that you are no longer allowed to smoke inside the terminal building.
The best was the guy from Diamond Rio who informed me that all animals, except for service animals, must be locked up inside the terminal. That doesn’t sound funny on the surface but given a lack of sleep and a southern accent “service animals” sounds surprisingly like “circus animals”. I swear the first time I heard it I thought he said circus animals. I suddenly had visions of tigers wandering down the concourse followed by a guy wearing a sequined jacket. And to be honest, that wouldn’t have been the weirdest site I saw all weekend.
That is about it for tonight. I am just dead tired and I am so looking forward to this weekend just so I can catch up on sleep and relax. When I got back from the airport I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had spent more than a few days in my apartment. These past few weeks have just left me physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Things are good, though, don’t worry about that. I just need to turn my brain off for a little while. Sunday night will be the Oscar Live Blog. Dresses! Slumdogs! Vague questions about the merits of cinematography! See you then.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
When the weather influences your mood...
Coming back to the office from a vacation is never an easy thing. You are faced with coming to grips with the fact that every day of your life is spent doing something that you would rather not do. I am sure that there are people out there who truly love their job; who every day wake up just wanting to race out of the house and see what challenges await. I am not one of those people. I like my job, I’m surprisingly good at it but it is not my entire being.
What makes going to work worse on days like today is that I left a place that was sunny and warm to come home to a day that was cold and dreary. I swear the entire day was just this entire gray blah that seemed to suck your soul right out of you. Even the fact that it was snowing at times did not improve the situation. Typically snow brightens my mood. It covers everything with this wonderful clean, white sheen. Except that today everything melted on contact so instead of making the world pure the snow instead just made everything damp.
So I am in one of those dark, self-doubting moods at the moment. The type where everything in your life is viewed from the negative perspective instead of the positive. I know there are people who would consider this to be no different than my usual personae. I mean, the cynical bastard is always viewing things from a darker perspective than the rest, right? Except for me that is not really true. I tend to view the world with awe and wonder and the cynicism is driven from the fact that the rest of the world just doesn’t seem to possess the same set of eyes that I do. I don’t consider myself to be a part of a flawed world; I see myself as a resident of a glorious place whose habitants consistently fail to do it justice.
I guess what the weather and the fact that I have to work again is driving me to is address a question that was posed to me recently as to why I tend to suffer from a lack of self-confidence. On the surface it really does seem silly that I would so often doubt my own worth. I’ve been extremely successful in life and have already accomplished more than I ever dreamed of. I’ve overcome the obstacles that have been placed in my way. Yet the doubt still creeps in and changes me from the confident, poised version of myself to the insecure, baffling version of myself.
I really wish I knew where that insecurity came from. I always tend to blame the fact that when I was younger I was just a shy, geeky kid who got picked on just a little more than was probably healthy. But I have a hard time believing that what happened decades ago is influencing who I am today. Or at least if it was I should have climbed above it like I did with everything else. In reality I just think it is my analytical mind coming back to haunt me. When faced with a difficult situation I look for the worst case scenario and focus on it. To the point that it will actually arise in a wonderful self-defeating prophecy that makes you wonder just how evolution ever decided that the way my brain is wired is considered to be a benefit. So I lack confidence because I fear that I will fail and I fear that I will fail because I am focused on what will happen if I fail and that focus causes me to fail.
I hate the guy I become when I am insecure. It isn’t who I am at all. The real me is fun and smart and relaxed. I’m trying to move beyond the other guy. I’m better on some days than on others. But I am trying. And with that, who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for two years now. It still tugs at my heart every time I hear it. I’m posting it again in honor of the one year anniversary of the greatest Oscar win ever. Fair play to those who dare to dream.
What makes going to work worse on days like today is that I left a place that was sunny and warm to come home to a day that was cold and dreary. I swear the entire day was just this entire gray blah that seemed to suck your soul right out of you. Even the fact that it was snowing at times did not improve the situation. Typically snow brightens my mood. It covers everything with this wonderful clean, white sheen. Except that today everything melted on contact so instead of making the world pure the snow instead just made everything damp.
So I am in one of those dark, self-doubting moods at the moment. The type where everything in your life is viewed from the negative perspective instead of the positive. I know there are people who would consider this to be no different than my usual personae. I mean, the cynical bastard is always viewing things from a darker perspective than the rest, right? Except for me that is not really true. I tend to view the world with awe and wonder and the cynicism is driven from the fact that the rest of the world just doesn’t seem to possess the same set of eyes that I do. I don’t consider myself to be a part of a flawed world; I see myself as a resident of a glorious place whose habitants consistently fail to do it justice.
I guess what the weather and the fact that I have to work again is driving me to is address a question that was posed to me recently as to why I tend to suffer from a lack of self-confidence. On the surface it really does seem silly that I would so often doubt my own worth. I’ve been extremely successful in life and have already accomplished more than I ever dreamed of. I’ve overcome the obstacles that have been placed in my way. Yet the doubt still creeps in and changes me from the confident, poised version of myself to the insecure, baffling version of myself.
I really wish I knew where that insecurity came from. I always tend to blame the fact that when I was younger I was just a shy, geeky kid who got picked on just a little more than was probably healthy. But I have a hard time believing that what happened decades ago is influencing who I am today. Or at least if it was I should have climbed above it like I did with everything else. In reality I just think it is my analytical mind coming back to haunt me. When faced with a difficult situation I look for the worst case scenario and focus on it. To the point that it will actually arise in a wonderful self-defeating prophecy that makes you wonder just how evolution ever decided that the way my brain is wired is considered to be a benefit. So I lack confidence because I fear that I will fail and I fear that I will fail because I am focused on what will happen if I fail and that focus causes me to fail.
I hate the guy I become when I am insecure. It isn’t who I am at all. The real me is fun and smart and relaxed. I’m trying to move beyond the other guy. I’m better on some days than on others. But I am trying. And with that, who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for two years now. It still tugs at my heart every time I hear it. I’m posting it again in honor of the one year anniversary of the greatest Oscar win ever. Fair play to those who dare to dream.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
We apologize for the inconvenience...
And I’m back…
Ok, I know I owe a bit of an explanation here. I’ve been on vacation the past few days. As is usually the case when I need to reset myself and contemplate what my future will hold I made my way to New Orleans. Because there are certain things in life that can only be comprehended over a good bowl of gumbo. I decided to log off, not check my email, rest the blog, and just be in the moment for once in my life.
It’s strange at how unusual it is for me to completely log off from the universe. I’ll admit to checking Facebook on my phone but from Friday until today that was all I did. For someone who is so wired in, who spends most of his time connected to a computer, to just spend the day walking around a city, looking at artwork and enjoying himself is a really amazing experience. I wasn’t concerned about numbers or spam emails or how many hits my blog got yesterday. I just wanted to be outside, relax and be happy.
(Interesting note on the comment about how people appreciate my posts when they are upbeat and positive. Those posts are incredibly difficult for me to write. One reason is that I just am funnier as a curmudgeon. I can make great jokes about how horrible the world is, how stupid other people are and how pathetic a loser I am in about two seconds. Those posts are incredibly easy to write. But having to write about being happy? I don’t really have the vocabulary for it.
The other reason is this. I am superstitious to the point of paralyzing fear. There is a part of my brain that is convinced that if I talk about how I am happy, that if I reveal the reason why I am happy, expound on how I expect this happiness to continue on into the future, that the happiness will then cease to be and I will be thrust back into my sad, curmudgeonly existence. This makes life rather challenging, especially given that it explains why I never seem to let myself be happy.)
I’ll probably tell some of the stories over the next few days (the Krewe of Barkus and Valentine the Dog both deserve their day in the sun). Right now I just want to unpack, relax and get ready for work tomorrow. Because I can’t avoid the real world forever.
And Valentine’s Day? Let’s just say that it is one I will never forget. And as a result I really hope to have to learn how to write upbeat and happy posts for a long time to come.
Ok, I know I owe a bit of an explanation here. I’ve been on vacation the past few days. As is usually the case when I need to reset myself and contemplate what my future will hold I made my way to New Orleans. Because there are certain things in life that can only be comprehended over a good bowl of gumbo. I decided to log off, not check my email, rest the blog, and just be in the moment for once in my life.
It’s strange at how unusual it is for me to completely log off from the universe. I’ll admit to checking Facebook on my phone but from Friday until today that was all I did. For someone who is so wired in, who spends most of his time connected to a computer, to just spend the day walking around a city, looking at artwork and enjoying himself is a really amazing experience. I wasn’t concerned about numbers or spam emails or how many hits my blog got yesterday. I just wanted to be outside, relax and be happy.
(Interesting note on the comment about how people appreciate my posts when they are upbeat and positive. Those posts are incredibly difficult for me to write. One reason is that I just am funnier as a curmudgeon. I can make great jokes about how horrible the world is, how stupid other people are and how pathetic a loser I am in about two seconds. Those posts are incredibly easy to write. But having to write about being happy? I don’t really have the vocabulary for it.
The other reason is this. I am superstitious to the point of paralyzing fear. There is a part of my brain that is convinced that if I talk about how I am happy, that if I reveal the reason why I am happy, expound on how I expect this happiness to continue on into the future, that the happiness will then cease to be and I will be thrust back into my sad, curmudgeonly existence. This makes life rather challenging, especially given that it explains why I never seem to let myself be happy.)
I’ll probably tell some of the stories over the next few days (the Krewe of Barkus and Valentine the Dog both deserve their day in the sun). Right now I just want to unpack, relax and get ready for work tomorrow. Because I can’t avoid the real world forever.
And Valentine’s Day? Let’s just say that it is one I will never forget. And as a result I really hope to have to learn how to write upbeat and happy posts for a long time to come.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I guess that is why he called the album Heartbreaker
Ryan Adams just got engaged to Mandy Moore. I was going to try to think of a clever opening but I decided that there was nothing that I could write that could compare to that simple sentence. Ryan Adams, a man who in the past has dated Beth Orton and Parker Posey (two of the women who made my Perfect Mate list because I would marry them in an instant), has decided that the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with is Mandy Moore. Now I know Ryan has this penchant of being a self-destructive artist but I feel that this is taking it one step too far. If given a choice between a stint in rehab and marrying Mandy Moore I clearly consider rehab to be the better career choice.
Plus, what type of guy gets engaged a few days before Valentine’s Day? If you are not going to pop the question at Christmas you might as well just wait until the big day so it will be both commercial and romantic. I have a feeling that Ryan popped the question sometime during the third quarter of the Super Bowl. The game began to get a little boring and his attention started to wander so he decided to ask Mandy to marry him.
(The best engagement story I know is two friends of mine who got engaged on Leap Day last year. It was brilliant because a) they would never forget the date and b) the guy would only be responsible for buying a present once every four years.)
Also, I know that many people have been awaiting my annual Valentine’s Day rant this year. Especially this year given that the big day falls on a Saturday as that means I cannot even perform my favorite weekend activity of becoming the face at the end of the bar as I would be surrounded by happy couples celebrating the night out. So I know that people have been waiting for my schedule of Smiths CDs that I would be listening to over the course of the night as I sit in my darkened apartment. Or maybe I would reinitiate my offer from last year of taking one lucky woman to dinner at Outback Steakhouse where she would be granted one (1) 25 dollar gift card to go towards the cost of her meal and drinks (any expenses over twenty five dollars to be paid for by said woman, offer not valid if used to purchase Outback Steakhouse t-shirts or souvenir boomerangs). I mean, it is tradition, right?
Well I can’t complain this year because I, uh, have plans for Saturday. Look I am as confused as you are. I’ve spent my entire life being cynical at this time of year and now I can’t and it kind of frightens me. How do people live like this? I mean, smiling takes a hell of a lot more effort than I imagined. And what about having to like things? That can’t be natural, can it?
As always, I have no idea what is going to happen next with my life. But I’ll say this, if you just open yourself to life some amazing things can happen.
Plus, what type of guy gets engaged a few days before Valentine’s Day? If you are not going to pop the question at Christmas you might as well just wait until the big day so it will be both commercial and romantic. I have a feeling that Ryan popped the question sometime during the third quarter of the Super Bowl. The game began to get a little boring and his attention started to wander so he decided to ask Mandy to marry him.
(The best engagement story I know is two friends of mine who got engaged on Leap Day last year. It was brilliant because a) they would never forget the date and b) the guy would only be responsible for buying a present once every four years.)
Also, I know that many people have been awaiting my annual Valentine’s Day rant this year. Especially this year given that the big day falls on a Saturday as that means I cannot even perform my favorite weekend activity of becoming the face at the end of the bar as I would be surrounded by happy couples celebrating the night out. So I know that people have been waiting for my schedule of Smiths CDs that I would be listening to over the course of the night as I sit in my darkened apartment. Or maybe I would reinitiate my offer from last year of taking one lucky woman to dinner at Outback Steakhouse where she would be granted one (1) 25 dollar gift card to go towards the cost of her meal and drinks (any expenses over twenty five dollars to be paid for by said woman, offer not valid if used to purchase Outback Steakhouse t-shirts or souvenir boomerangs). I mean, it is tradition, right?
Well I can’t complain this year because I, uh, have plans for Saturday. Look I am as confused as you are. I’ve spent my entire life being cynical at this time of year and now I can’t and it kind of frightens me. How do people live like this? I mean, smiling takes a hell of a lot more effort than I imagined. And what about having to like things? That can’t be natural, can it?
As always, I have no idea what is going to happen next with my life. But I’ll say this, if you just open yourself to life some amazing things can happen.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mistakes? I've made a few...
In honor of the upcoming holiday I thought that I would delve back into the wonderful world of relationship advice. Or more accurately, I’ll give my opinion on the wonderful online advice provided by Yahoo! Personals, which is quite possibly the only dating advice site that results in my calling up my old blueprints on how to build a robotic soulmate. Because that would be much easier than figuring out these instructions.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/62971/5-biggest-dating-mistakes-that-single-men-make
So let’s look at men’s biggest dating mistakes and compare that to my experience. Because let’s face it, if there is a dating mistake out there I have made it.
1) Men show off or try to impress too much: Ok, I understand that my rattling off my resume as though you are a potential employer is probably not the best tactic to make. But aren’t I supposed to talk about myself? If you ask me what I do isn’t it in my best interest to mention my nice job? When you ask where I went to school isn’t it proper to mention my MBA? It’s not showing off if I’m stating facts.
Yes, men should ask questions on the date. We need to show interest about who you are and what you are doing. But I don’t see why I can’t mention my good qualities.
Also, I love the fact that I am instructed to not try to show off where elsewhere on the site it states that if I ever want to have a second date how important it is that I wear good shoes. Because for some reason that is considered to be the best metric in determining someone’s value as a mate.
2) Men don’t listen to us when we’re talking: It’s not that we are not listening. It’s just that there is a rather interesting hockey game taking place over your left shoulder and we are trying to remember who is the goalie for the Nashville Predators. Ninety percent of men find that piece of information to be more important than your discussion of how much you love scrapbooking.
Ok, I’ll admit that I am guilty of this one. But that is just because I get bored easily. I start off every date listening intently and as the date goes on I can feel my interest in the woman and the conversation slowly wane. That is why what I am really looking for in a woman is someone who doesn’t bore me. If you can keep me interested conversation after conversation I’ll pretty much walk through a wall for you.
At least I don’t actively check out other women while on a date. Though if I’m checking my phone it is usually a sign that I am hoping beyond hope that someone will call me to free me from this date because otherwise I am going to have to reach over the bar and stick my hand in the blender just so I will no longer have to listen to the woman talk about her cat.
3) Men aren’t chivalrous: For once, a rule that I am on the right side of. I am old fashioned and caring. I open doors, I walk my date to the door, I even stand on the side nearest the street when we walk side by side so in the situation that a car bounds upon the sidewalk I will go sprawling across the hood instead of her. Except that I’ve had someone break up with me partly because I did all of these things and she thought it was silly. And I screwed up with the librarian solely because I did not pick up the check.
This is why I feel that all relationships should begin with a checklist. A handoff of information telling me whether you want me to be old fashioned or an enlightened male. Every step of the relationship could then follow the flow chart with both parties initialing what steps have been completed. This will make the mating process much more efficient in my mind.
4) Men don’t take initiative: I actually agree with this one. If there is any huge flaw in my dating tactics. Whenever I am out and the woman asks “what do you want to do” my answer is “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” In part this is because like most men it is very difficult for me to change my routine. I can’t really answer the question with “Well, since it is Saturday I typically lie on the couch all day and then go to the bar and get blitzed.” It’s tough to think of activities that do not immediately involve alcohol.
But the main issue here that I deal with is the struggle to find something that is interesting that the woman would not immediately hate. I always feel pressured to make every moment perfect. A relationship is like a minefield to me. I feel as though one wrong step and poof, the woman of my dreams will suddenly disappear. Even worse I don’t have a map to follow. So I try to get her to take the lead because in doing so I hope that I can avoid some of the biggest mistakes. Except that in doing so I show that I have no confidence and without confidence I am pretty much worthless. So the key is to have the courage to make that first step and hope that things don’t turn out too badly.
5) Men say they’ll call and then don’t: I’m sorry but I always call. How about this one. You call the woman, get her voice mail, and leave a message. A few days pass and you call again and leave another message. A week passes and still no response. After consulting with your lawyer you determine that you are allowed one last phone call to state your interest before withdrawing in defeat and despair. In the end, the guy isn’t even acknowledged as existing.
I know I’ve made this rant before but there is nothing in the realm of dating that I hate more than this. I don’t care if you don’t like me and don’t want to see me again. Ok, I care but at least if I know about it I can address it. All I want is the acknowledgement that I exist. This should go both ways. Men should call, women should return the call. It would make things so much more pleasant.
At least I can say that I am improving on this front. Or at least I think I am. Life can be awfully strange sometimes…
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ll keep with the romantic theme with Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter”. Romance is a messy thing and Damien knows how to express that fact.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/62971/5-biggest-dating-mistakes-that-single-men-make
So let’s look at men’s biggest dating mistakes and compare that to my experience. Because let’s face it, if there is a dating mistake out there I have made it.
1) Men show off or try to impress too much: Ok, I understand that my rattling off my resume as though you are a potential employer is probably not the best tactic to make. But aren’t I supposed to talk about myself? If you ask me what I do isn’t it in my best interest to mention my nice job? When you ask where I went to school isn’t it proper to mention my MBA? It’s not showing off if I’m stating facts.
Yes, men should ask questions on the date. We need to show interest about who you are and what you are doing. But I don’t see why I can’t mention my good qualities.
Also, I love the fact that I am instructed to not try to show off where elsewhere on the site it states that if I ever want to have a second date how important it is that I wear good shoes. Because for some reason that is considered to be the best metric in determining someone’s value as a mate.
2) Men don’t listen to us when we’re talking: It’s not that we are not listening. It’s just that there is a rather interesting hockey game taking place over your left shoulder and we are trying to remember who is the goalie for the Nashville Predators. Ninety percent of men find that piece of information to be more important than your discussion of how much you love scrapbooking.
Ok, I’ll admit that I am guilty of this one. But that is just because I get bored easily. I start off every date listening intently and as the date goes on I can feel my interest in the woman and the conversation slowly wane. That is why what I am really looking for in a woman is someone who doesn’t bore me. If you can keep me interested conversation after conversation I’ll pretty much walk through a wall for you.
At least I don’t actively check out other women while on a date. Though if I’m checking my phone it is usually a sign that I am hoping beyond hope that someone will call me to free me from this date because otherwise I am going to have to reach over the bar and stick my hand in the blender just so I will no longer have to listen to the woman talk about her cat.
3) Men aren’t chivalrous: For once, a rule that I am on the right side of. I am old fashioned and caring. I open doors, I walk my date to the door, I even stand on the side nearest the street when we walk side by side so in the situation that a car bounds upon the sidewalk I will go sprawling across the hood instead of her. Except that I’ve had someone break up with me partly because I did all of these things and she thought it was silly. And I screwed up with the librarian solely because I did not pick up the check.
This is why I feel that all relationships should begin with a checklist. A handoff of information telling me whether you want me to be old fashioned or an enlightened male. Every step of the relationship could then follow the flow chart with both parties initialing what steps have been completed. This will make the mating process much more efficient in my mind.
4) Men don’t take initiative: I actually agree with this one. If there is any huge flaw in my dating tactics. Whenever I am out and the woman asks “what do you want to do” my answer is “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” In part this is because like most men it is very difficult for me to change my routine. I can’t really answer the question with “Well, since it is Saturday I typically lie on the couch all day and then go to the bar and get blitzed.” It’s tough to think of activities that do not immediately involve alcohol.
But the main issue here that I deal with is the struggle to find something that is interesting that the woman would not immediately hate. I always feel pressured to make every moment perfect. A relationship is like a minefield to me. I feel as though one wrong step and poof, the woman of my dreams will suddenly disappear. Even worse I don’t have a map to follow. So I try to get her to take the lead because in doing so I hope that I can avoid some of the biggest mistakes. Except that in doing so I show that I have no confidence and without confidence I am pretty much worthless. So the key is to have the courage to make that first step and hope that things don’t turn out too badly.
5) Men say they’ll call and then don’t: I’m sorry but I always call. How about this one. You call the woman, get her voice mail, and leave a message. A few days pass and you call again and leave another message. A week passes and still no response. After consulting with your lawyer you determine that you are allowed one last phone call to state your interest before withdrawing in defeat and despair. In the end, the guy isn’t even acknowledged as existing.
I know I’ve made this rant before but there is nothing in the realm of dating that I hate more than this. I don’t care if you don’t like me and don’t want to see me again. Ok, I care but at least if I know about it I can address it. All I want is the acknowledgement that I exist. This should go both ways. Men should call, women should return the call. It would make things so much more pleasant.
At least I can say that I am improving on this front. Or at least I think I am. Life can be awfully strange sometimes…
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ll keep with the romantic theme with Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter”. Romance is a messy thing and Damien knows how to express that fact.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I'll be cowering under my blanket if you need me
Ok, remind me not to write about the economy again. Apparently my blog is read by the leading financial minds because even my implying that the economy may be weaker than previously believed resulted in a significant drop today. I apologize to those who suffered a reduction in their finances over my statements. Life is difficult when your very statements are able to influence the future.
(On the off chance that this blog really does have the ability to influence the world I would like to state that if Julie Delpy would happen to take the next plane to the states and stop by my apartment declaring her undying love for me I am extremely confident that there will be a speedy recovery to the world economy. Just, you know, in case people want to help me control the universe or anything.)
I know that the nation is going through a tough time but I would like to make a simple request to the media: can we please stop talking about the plane landing in the river? It was a great story and yes the crew can be considered heroes but this happened a few weeks ago. Do we still need to be broadcasting interviews with the crew? If we do can we at least ask why they didn’t avoid the birds? Or ask how they feel about recklessly killing innocent animals? It just isn’t a news story any more.
Of course, we do have the story about the woman who had eight children who already had six in an effort to, uh, get a show on TLC? If she was a vertically challenged home decorator she could probably account for the entire TLC programming schedule. (Sigh. I miss when TLC actually had shows about science. Or at least Junkyard Wars.) Now I tend to be pretty open minded when it comes to what people do with their bodies and how they choose to reproduce. True, I sometimes wish that it isn’t more difficult to get a driver’s license than to bring another human being into this world but I let people make up their own minds. But if you are a single mom with six kids how can you bring yourself to sign up for in vitro fertilization? Even if she just wanted twins the question of how are you going to support them has to come to the forefront. You start to wonder if she did this just so she could have her fifteen minutes of fame. I can understand people making fun of themselves on American Idol for that very purpose. All they are putting on the line is their ego. They aren’t risking the lives of innocent people who had no choice in the matter.
Oh but don’t worry everybody. CERN is prepping to restart the Large Hadron Collider in September. You know, the one where if the experiment succeeds there is a slight possibility that the entire universe will implode? Yep, that one. So, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
(On the off chance that this blog really does have the ability to influence the world I would like to state that if Julie Delpy would happen to take the next plane to the states and stop by my apartment declaring her undying love for me I am extremely confident that there will be a speedy recovery to the world economy. Just, you know, in case people want to help me control the universe or anything.)
I know that the nation is going through a tough time but I would like to make a simple request to the media: can we please stop talking about the plane landing in the river? It was a great story and yes the crew can be considered heroes but this happened a few weeks ago. Do we still need to be broadcasting interviews with the crew? If we do can we at least ask why they didn’t avoid the birds? Or ask how they feel about recklessly killing innocent animals? It just isn’t a news story any more.
Of course, we do have the story about the woman who had eight children who already had six in an effort to, uh, get a show on TLC? If she was a vertically challenged home decorator she could probably account for the entire TLC programming schedule. (Sigh. I miss when TLC actually had shows about science. Or at least Junkyard Wars.) Now I tend to be pretty open minded when it comes to what people do with their bodies and how they choose to reproduce. True, I sometimes wish that it isn’t more difficult to get a driver’s license than to bring another human being into this world but I let people make up their own minds. But if you are a single mom with six kids how can you bring yourself to sign up for in vitro fertilization? Even if she just wanted twins the question of how are you going to support them has to come to the forefront. You start to wonder if she did this just so she could have her fifteen minutes of fame. I can understand people making fun of themselves on American Idol for that very purpose. All they are putting on the line is their ego. They aren’t risking the lives of innocent people who had no choice in the matter.
Oh but don’t worry everybody. CERN is prepping to restart the Large Hadron Collider in September. You know, the one where if the experiment succeeds there is a slight possibility that the entire universe will implode? Yep, that one. So, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Since when is the President more important than The Bachelor?
I am very upset that tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother was cancelled in order for us to watch the president speak. Plus, I had to wait an hour and a half to watch The Big Bang Theory. What type of country is this? Did I suddenly move to Russia?
(However, getting to see Leonard screw up with Penny by being unable to stop analyzing the moment was something that was well worth waiting to see.)
(Oh, and wish that the reporters at the president's news conference covered all branches of the media spectrum. I want to hear Daphne LeBeau from People magazine ask "Mr. President, do you feel that Bikini Girl was unfairly booted from American Idol last week" or Joyce Deloit from Cat Fancy say "Mr. President, isn't your decision to only get a dog for your girls completely specieist?")
I guess since I am rather light on topics at the moment I will talk about the economy. One interesting thing to note is that in reality the stock market has been pretty much unchanged for the past few months. It has been languishing in the 8000s with a few tests of the 7700 floor (which I predicted back in Spetember). So despite the fact that everyone feels that the economy is getting worse the stock market has at least stabilized. I'm still really worried about what happens if we break through 7700 ( my guess is the next floor would be either 7200 or 6500) but it has been a good sign that we've been able to stay above it.
What is really impacting the economy now, and what makes this different than most of the recent recessions, is that this is really a two stage recession and we are only now hitting the second stage. All of the financial meltdowns of 2008 were really financial in nature. Banks having issues with mortgage backed securities is not something that directly effects regular people. The shock in the credit market and the failures of banks caused the huge drop in the stock market but did not initially impact most people directly. True, everyone became poorer on paper with les in their 401ks and a lower house value but their day to day paycheck was not effected. That is, until phase two began.
Which is where we are now. The companies that actually provide services are now facing with the credit crunch and know that they have to curtail their spending. This means massive layoffs, which started appearing in late 2008 but have been increasing in 2009. Now is when the recession hits the population. This is when people are unemployed and figuring out how to make ends meet. It doesn't get shown in the stock market as much (because the market is always a leading indicator) but it certainly gets shown in the American psyche.
What is next for the economy? I don't think we've seen the bottom yet but I don't feel as though we are too far removed from it. At least from a stock market perspective my fear of a 5000 Dow seems to be a lot less likely. What I expect more than anything is a very slow rebound. The only recent similarity that I can point to is the early 80's. This feels a lot like that recession (in that it is just brutal and no one can really explain why) and it took years to get back into a clearer view of the economy. So expect a few brutal months and then a little light showing at the end of the tunnel.
(However, getting to see Leonard screw up with Penny by being unable to stop analyzing the moment was something that was well worth waiting to see.)
(Oh, and wish that the reporters at the president's news conference covered all branches of the media spectrum. I want to hear Daphne LeBeau from People magazine ask "Mr. President, do you feel that Bikini Girl was unfairly booted from American Idol last week" or Joyce Deloit from Cat Fancy say "Mr. President, isn't your decision to only get a dog for your girls completely specieist?")
I guess since I am rather light on topics at the moment I will talk about the economy. One interesting thing to note is that in reality the stock market has been pretty much unchanged for the past few months. It has been languishing in the 8000s with a few tests of the 7700 floor (which I predicted back in Spetember). So despite the fact that everyone feels that the economy is getting worse the stock market has at least stabilized. I'm still really worried about what happens if we break through 7700 ( my guess is the next floor would be either 7200 or 6500) but it has been a good sign that we've been able to stay above it.
What is really impacting the economy now, and what makes this different than most of the recent recessions, is that this is really a two stage recession and we are only now hitting the second stage. All of the financial meltdowns of 2008 were really financial in nature. Banks having issues with mortgage backed securities is not something that directly effects regular people. The shock in the credit market and the failures of banks caused the huge drop in the stock market but did not initially impact most people directly. True, everyone became poorer on paper with les in their 401ks and a lower house value but their day to day paycheck was not effected. That is, until phase two began.
Which is where we are now. The companies that actually provide services are now facing with the credit crunch and know that they have to curtail their spending. This means massive layoffs, which started appearing in late 2008 but have been increasing in 2009. Now is when the recession hits the population. This is when people are unemployed and figuring out how to make ends meet. It doesn't get shown in the stock market as much (because the market is always a leading indicator) but it certainly gets shown in the American psyche.
What is next for the economy? I don't think we've seen the bottom yet but I don't feel as though we are too far removed from it. At least from a stock market perspective my fear of a 5000 Dow seems to be a lot less likely. What I expect more than anything is a very slow rebound. The only recent similarity that I can point to is the early 80's. This feels a lot like that recession (in that it is just brutal and no one can really explain why) and it took years to get back into a clearer view of the economy. So expect a few brutal months and then a little light showing at the end of the tunnel.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I've got mail!
(As some of you know, this has been a rather tough past few days for me. I'm dealing with it by doing what I always do: cracking jokes, remembering the good times and contemplating the meaning of it all. This post will focus on the first part. This is my version of therapy.)
So I am one of the few, the proud, the many AOL users. Yes I know that it is totally uncool to still have an AOL email address but you have to put things in perspective. I have had that email address since 1995. It is nearly impossible for me to change my email address because mine predates everyone else's. (Technically I had a Prodigy email that outdated them all but even I quit that.) What this means though is I get a wonderful batch of spam on a daily basis and I thought that it would be fun to go through it based on the subject headers.
Cleanse & Flush up to 20 lbs from your colon: Have you ever seen a 20 pound dumbbell? Yeah, I in no way want to have one of those flushed out of me especially given the point of egress in this scenario. What frightens me more is that 20 pounds would be 10% of my body weight. Somehow I don't feel that having 10% of me flushed out is a helthy proposition.
Make serious extra cash typing from home: This one really confuses me. First off, who actually owns a typewriter any more? If you receive this message as an email it implies that you have a computer. If you have a computer why would you need to type something. I mean, wouldn't you just scan it in and be done with it? Or print out copies of it? Is there anything done where it is handwritten and you would have to transcribe it anymore? This seems like the biggest scam that I have ever seen.
As seen on Oprah! Lose up to 20 pounds with Acai berry: Because if there is anyone that I turn to for long lasting diet advice it is Oprah. I'm very concerned about what would happen if I combined this with my first email. I would now be down 40 pounds in less than a month. Sure, I would have lost weight but between the berries and the constant colon cleansing I doubt that I would be able to attract the opposite sex.
Monster and Career Builder Job Search Results: This comes from this summer while I was in job search mode. I set up a number of automatic search queries where I would be emailed daily regarding potential opportunities. Even though I am now gainfully and happiloy employed I've kept the queries going just to get a sense of the market. Here is what I've learned. A) At least 80% of the resumes that I submitted through online sites resulted in no reaction from the companies I applied to. B) The same unknown companies appear week after week in the search results (for the same job in the same city). C) For some reason Monster is still convinced that I have a health care background. They are now recommending that I apply for a job as a gastroentrologist. Now I've bs'ed my way through a number of job interviews in my life but that would be a challenge. I'm not sure if my "I can learn as I go along" spiel would work.
Stay warm this holiday season with Snuggie: I received this email on Friday. Now let's discount the entire Slanket concept that is the Snuggie. Let's even ignore the fact that people who are unable to properly operate a blanket are most likely not online. I'm more concerned about what holiday season we are referring to. It's the first week of February. Is there a whole Groundhog Day/Valentine's Day/President's Day holiday season that I am completely unaware of? Are they now combined into one uber holiday where we express our love via rodents while wearing a comical top hat? Or is it too cost prohibitive to change the heading on an email?
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Frames "Burn the Maps"
2) Josh Rouse "Home"
3) Sarah McLachlan "The Freedom Sessions"
4) Big Head Todd and the Monsters "Live Monsters"
5) Kelly Willis "Well Traveled Love"
So I am one of the few, the proud, the many AOL users. Yes I know that it is totally uncool to still have an AOL email address but you have to put things in perspective. I have had that email address since 1995. It is nearly impossible for me to change my email address because mine predates everyone else's. (Technically I had a Prodigy email that outdated them all but even I quit that.) What this means though is I get a wonderful batch of spam on a daily basis and I thought that it would be fun to go through it based on the subject headers.
Cleanse & Flush up to 20 lbs from your colon: Have you ever seen a 20 pound dumbbell? Yeah, I in no way want to have one of those flushed out of me especially given the point of egress in this scenario. What frightens me more is that 20 pounds would be 10% of my body weight. Somehow I don't feel that having 10% of me flushed out is a helthy proposition.
Make serious extra cash typing from home: This one really confuses me. First off, who actually owns a typewriter any more? If you receive this message as an email it implies that you have a computer. If you have a computer why would you need to type something. I mean, wouldn't you just scan it in and be done with it? Or print out copies of it? Is there anything done where it is handwritten and you would have to transcribe it anymore? This seems like the biggest scam that I have ever seen.
As seen on Oprah! Lose up to 20 pounds with Acai berry: Because if there is anyone that I turn to for long lasting diet advice it is Oprah. I'm very concerned about what would happen if I combined this with my first email. I would now be down 40 pounds in less than a month. Sure, I would have lost weight but between the berries and the constant colon cleansing I doubt that I would be able to attract the opposite sex.
Monster and Career Builder Job Search Results: This comes from this summer while I was in job search mode. I set up a number of automatic search queries where I would be emailed daily regarding potential opportunities. Even though I am now gainfully and happiloy employed I've kept the queries going just to get a sense of the market. Here is what I've learned. A) At least 80% of the resumes that I submitted through online sites resulted in no reaction from the companies I applied to. B) The same unknown companies appear week after week in the search results (for the same job in the same city). C) For some reason Monster is still convinced that I have a health care background. They are now recommending that I apply for a job as a gastroentrologist. Now I've bs'ed my way through a number of job interviews in my life but that would be a challenge. I'm not sure if my "I can learn as I go along" spiel would work.
Stay warm this holiday season with Snuggie: I received this email on Friday. Now let's discount the entire Slanket concept that is the Snuggie. Let's even ignore the fact that people who are unable to properly operate a blanket are most likely not online. I'm more concerned about what holiday season we are referring to. It's the first week of February. Is there a whole Groundhog Day/Valentine's Day/President's Day holiday season that I am completely unaware of? Are they now combined into one uber holiday where we express our love via rodents while wearing a comical top hat? Or is it too cost prohibitive to change the heading on an email?
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Frames "Burn the Maps"
2) Josh Rouse "Home"
3) Sarah McLachlan "The Freedom Sessions"
4) Big Head Todd and the Monsters "Live Monsters"
5) Kelly Willis "Well Traveled Love"
Thursday, February 05, 2009
A Day in the Life of an Urban Professional
(Editor's Note: I really can't write at the moment. I mean, I could in the sense that my hands work and I am able to form complete sentences. Just that my mind is a mess of thoughts and the blog is not the right place for them. I'll explain it over the weekend. Until then, enjoy this writing project from my past.)
As soon as I looked out the grimy train window I knew that I was in trouble. In retrospect, I should have taken my time in the morning. But, I really wanted to get to the office early and do some last minute preparation for the Boddington presentation. There would be millions of dollars riding on this meeting and it was vital that I look as calm and professional as possible. So, instead of having a little breakfast and watching the morning news, I rushed headlong out of my apartment, leaving my umbrella behind.
It looked as if my umbrella was going to be necessary. Even through the greenish tint of the window, the sky looked as if it was about to burst at the seams. I tried to remain calm as the train drew nearer to Union Station. It was just going to take a few more minutes to reach Union Station and then a 10 minute walk through downtown and I'd be home free. But, as the first drops of rain began to streak the sides of the window I started to gather up my belongings. Every second I could save now would just keep me that much dryer. With my world battered briefcase which held the presentation slides at my side I started to head for the door.
After what seemed like hours I was finally able to step off the train and into the crowd slowly moving away on the platform. I began to try to force my way through the group of dour faced businessmen but quickly stopped. I imagined the papers in my briefcase slowly folding and curling as I jostled my way through Union Station. It's one thing to look a little damp when talking in front of an audience, it's another to give them outlines which looked like they had spent time in a recycling bin. So, instead of fighting my way out, I slowly flowed with the crowd, listening all the while to the first raindrops plink off the glass windows high overhead.
I bounded up the escalator, rushing to meet the inevitable outside. The situation wasn't as bad as I expected. The sky was an ugly gray laced with a greenish hue. The storm was coming but it was only a light drizzle at the moment and I was only six blocks away from the office. Maybe my hair would get wet and my suit might not be as crisp as usual but those problems weren't fatal. Heck, no one would even notice that an hour later. It was just a ten minute walk, that's all.
I made my way across the Chicago River, feeling the wind whip across my face. Fingers of lightning began to streak across the sky. My heart started to beat a little faster as I tried to snake my way around the slower pedestrians. Fat drops of rain were now striking my face and tracing a path down the length of my glasses. Thunder continued to rumble in the distance. The storm was much closer than I thought. It would be a matter of minutes before the sky would open up and leave me standing there drenched. I could just see myself standing in front of the Board of Directors with my wet shirt clinging to my back as I placed my stained overhead slides on the projector.
But I wasn't beat yet. I cut across to the north side of Adams St. to take advantage of the storefront awnings. I borrowed other people's umbrellas, ducking under them if only for a split second. Lights didn't matter, as long as I wasn't hit by the car coming towards me. The car that was coming at the puddle next to me.
Car. Puddle. Uh oh.
Luckily someone was walking the other way just as the car hit the puddle. I slid around the poor guy and let him take the brunt of the wave. It was just three blocks now and even though the rain continued to fall at a constant rate it looked like I had a chance.
Lightning and thunder continued to play in the background, causing the lady in front of me to stop to pull out her umbrella. At least that's my best guess since the next thing I knew I had plowed right into the back of her. I was barely able to keep her from falling onto the sidewalk as the metal tip of her umbrella pierced my pant leg and began to slowly tear it's way towards my foot. With throbs of pain running down my calf and slow, steady drops of water dripping from the buildings plopping on my head I was just able to mutter, "Are you ok?" It was the only polite thing to do.
"Watch where you're going, jerk. What, you can't wait two minutes to get to work?"
"I don't have two minutes," I thought as I looked down at my leg. My pants were torn and I was limping a little but that was the least of my worries. The Vice President shouldn't be focusing on my legs but he will be looking me straight in the face, which was being pelted by rain. I could feel strands of my hair slowly moving, counteracting all the measures I took this morning. The crackles of lightning was echoing around the sky like some kind of maniacal laughter, mocking me in my helpless state. But, if I could only get across the street then I could cut through the Bank Building and then I'd be all set. So, It was one last rush across the street as I dove into the revolving door and quickly stopped.
It had to be Casmir Pulaski Day. I reassessed my situation. The rain was coming down in torrents now. The sidewalks had turned into a slow moving sea of dark suits. "One block, now or never," I muttered to myself as I sprinted down the street. My briefcase was swinging wildly, hitting a few poor souls who happened to be in my way. I did everything I could to move faster short of knocking people into the path of an oncoming bus. Half a block, quarter of a block. There seemed to be more rain with every step, as if there would be a monsoon by the time I reached the lobby. Sixty yards, forty yards. As the sky let out one last roar and dumped its contents onto the still waking city I slipped into the doorway. I was a little rattled, my hair looked as if I just got out of the shower, but I was still able to make a triumphant march to my office.
"Brian, glad to see you're here early," said my boss as he saw me saunter into the room. "They've moved the presentation to the Standard Oil Building. Hope you brought your umbrella."
As soon as I looked out the grimy train window I knew that I was in trouble. In retrospect, I should have taken my time in the morning. But, I really wanted to get to the office early and do some last minute preparation for the Boddington presentation. There would be millions of dollars riding on this meeting and it was vital that I look as calm and professional as possible. So, instead of having a little breakfast and watching the morning news, I rushed headlong out of my apartment, leaving my umbrella behind.
It looked as if my umbrella was going to be necessary. Even through the greenish tint of the window, the sky looked as if it was about to burst at the seams. I tried to remain calm as the train drew nearer to Union Station. It was just going to take a few more minutes to reach Union Station and then a 10 minute walk through downtown and I'd be home free. But, as the first drops of rain began to streak the sides of the window I started to gather up my belongings. Every second I could save now would just keep me that much dryer. With my world battered briefcase which held the presentation slides at my side I started to head for the door.
After what seemed like hours I was finally able to step off the train and into the crowd slowly moving away on the platform. I began to try to force my way through the group of dour faced businessmen but quickly stopped. I imagined the papers in my briefcase slowly folding and curling as I jostled my way through Union Station. It's one thing to look a little damp when talking in front of an audience, it's another to give them outlines which looked like they had spent time in a recycling bin. So, instead of fighting my way out, I slowly flowed with the crowd, listening all the while to the first raindrops plink off the glass windows high overhead.
I bounded up the escalator, rushing to meet the inevitable outside. The situation wasn't as bad as I expected. The sky was an ugly gray laced with a greenish hue. The storm was coming but it was only a light drizzle at the moment and I was only six blocks away from the office. Maybe my hair would get wet and my suit might not be as crisp as usual but those problems weren't fatal. Heck, no one would even notice that an hour later. It was just a ten minute walk, that's all.
I made my way across the Chicago River, feeling the wind whip across my face. Fingers of lightning began to streak across the sky. My heart started to beat a little faster as I tried to snake my way around the slower pedestrians. Fat drops of rain were now striking my face and tracing a path down the length of my glasses. Thunder continued to rumble in the distance. The storm was much closer than I thought. It would be a matter of minutes before the sky would open up and leave me standing there drenched. I could just see myself standing in front of the Board of Directors with my wet shirt clinging to my back as I placed my stained overhead slides on the projector.
But I wasn't beat yet. I cut across to the north side of Adams St. to take advantage of the storefront awnings. I borrowed other people's umbrellas, ducking under them if only for a split second. Lights didn't matter, as long as I wasn't hit by the car coming towards me. The car that was coming at the puddle next to me.
Car. Puddle. Uh oh.
Luckily someone was walking the other way just as the car hit the puddle. I slid around the poor guy and let him take the brunt of the wave. It was just three blocks now and even though the rain continued to fall at a constant rate it looked like I had a chance.
Lightning and thunder continued to play in the background, causing the lady in front of me to stop to pull out her umbrella. At least that's my best guess since the next thing I knew I had plowed right into the back of her. I was barely able to keep her from falling onto the sidewalk as the metal tip of her umbrella pierced my pant leg and began to slowly tear it's way towards my foot. With throbs of pain running down my calf and slow, steady drops of water dripping from the buildings plopping on my head I was just able to mutter, "Are you ok?" It was the only polite thing to do.
"Watch where you're going, jerk. What, you can't wait two minutes to get to work?"
"I don't have two minutes," I thought as I looked down at my leg. My pants were torn and I was limping a little but that was the least of my worries. The Vice President shouldn't be focusing on my legs but he will be looking me straight in the face, which was being pelted by rain. I could feel strands of my hair slowly moving, counteracting all the measures I took this morning. The crackles of lightning was echoing around the sky like some kind of maniacal laughter, mocking me in my helpless state. But, if I could only get across the street then I could cut through the Bank Building and then I'd be all set. So, It was one last rush across the street as I dove into the revolving door and quickly stopped.
It had to be Casmir Pulaski Day. I reassessed my situation. The rain was coming down in torrents now. The sidewalks had turned into a slow moving sea of dark suits. "One block, now or never," I muttered to myself as I sprinted down the street. My briefcase was swinging wildly, hitting a few poor souls who happened to be in my way. I did everything I could to move faster short of knocking people into the path of an oncoming bus. Half a block, quarter of a block. There seemed to be more rain with every step, as if there would be a monsoon by the time I reached the lobby. Sixty yards, forty yards. As the sky let out one last roar and dumped its contents onto the still waking city I slipped into the doorway. I was a little rattled, my hair looked as if I just got out of the shower, but I was still able to make a triumphant march to my office.
"Brian, glad to see you're here early," said my boss as he saw me saunter into the room. "They've moved the presentation to the Standard Oil Building. Hope you brought your umbrella."
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Worf is not pleased
Strange habit of mine # 327: Whenever I leave the exercise room in my apartment if I am the last one out I turn off every single television in the place. I would like to say that this is because of some grand desire to not waste electricity except that I actually make more money when people waste electricity. (This is slightly less evil than when I made a living getting people to pay me ten dollars a month for their horoscope. It’s amazing what people will buy when you promote it properly.) In reality I just have this extreme need to make sure that everything is nice and tidy whenever I leave a place. Hell, I’ll properly organize the weights if they aren’t too heavy.
Workout annoyance # 26: Having a communal workout room means communal televisions. Even though every machine has a television set in it there is also a need to have the big screen on at a volume so loud that I can’t even cover it up with my Zune. This meant that I road an exercise bike tonight while listening to American Idol. I really didn’t want to watch it. I certainly didn’t want to listen to it. And I certainly don’t understand why the judges feel the need to dance during the songs. It’s still better than the dreaded “Everybody Loves Raymond” marathon workouts.
Prank (or is it?) # 53: I am extremely upset that the news media is referring to the road signs that read “Zombies sighted in area. Run for your lives!” as mere college pranks. It is laissez faire attitudes such as that which will leave civilization in ruins in the event of a Class 4 zombie outbreak. And do we have any proof that it is actually a prank? Of course not. The government is surprisingly mum about the simultaneous rash of dismemberments in the region and the media is too scared to report the increase in military activity. As a result, I am raising my official Zombie Def Con to Level 2. Those who wish to follow me to freedom and / or survival from the zombie apocalypse are asked to form an orderly line.
Weapon you should not use to rob a store # 12: A Klingon sword of honor. Did anyone else catch this story? Some guy in Colorado robbed two 7-11’s by waving a Klingon bat’leth (and yes, I did have to look that one up) at the employees. I doubt that he will be difficult to catch. First of all, he can’t run away very quickly due to his asthma. Plus, once his mom sees the sword in her basement she’ll probably call the cops on him. As a rule, robberies should not cause the person being robbed to break out in laughter.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m searching for music that explains my life right now. Maybe this one will work. Or at least “I’m drinking until my life makes sense” is a very good description of where my brain is at the present moment. Plus, a little Old 97’s makes life much nicer.
Workout annoyance # 26: Having a communal workout room means communal televisions. Even though every machine has a television set in it there is also a need to have the big screen on at a volume so loud that I can’t even cover it up with my Zune. This meant that I road an exercise bike tonight while listening to American Idol. I really didn’t want to watch it. I certainly didn’t want to listen to it. And I certainly don’t understand why the judges feel the need to dance during the songs. It’s still better than the dreaded “Everybody Loves Raymond” marathon workouts.
Prank (or is it?) # 53: I am extremely upset that the news media is referring to the road signs that read “Zombies sighted in area. Run for your lives!” as mere college pranks. It is laissez faire attitudes such as that which will leave civilization in ruins in the event of a Class 4 zombie outbreak. And do we have any proof that it is actually a prank? Of course not. The government is surprisingly mum about the simultaneous rash of dismemberments in the region and the media is too scared to report the increase in military activity. As a result, I am raising my official Zombie Def Con to Level 2. Those who wish to follow me to freedom and / or survival from the zombie apocalypse are asked to form an orderly line.
Weapon you should not use to rob a store # 12: A Klingon sword of honor. Did anyone else catch this story? Some guy in Colorado robbed two 7-11’s by waving a Klingon bat’leth (and yes, I did have to look that one up) at the employees. I doubt that he will be difficult to catch. First of all, he can’t run away very quickly due to his asthma. Plus, once his mom sees the sword in her basement she’ll probably call the cops on him. As a rule, robberies should not cause the person being robbed to break out in laughter.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m searching for music that explains my life right now. Maybe this one will work. Or at least “I’m drinking until my life makes sense” is a very good description of where my brain is at the present moment. Plus, a little Old 97’s makes life much nicer.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Forgotten Television Shows: The Leap Back
Haven’t done one of these for ages…
I’m somewhat upset that kids growing up today can watch science fiction on television without any fear of retribution. Being a fan of Battlestar Galactica now implies that you like to watch a show with excellent writing and surprisingly attractive cylons as opposed to in my day where it meant that you wanted to watch Lorne Greene and the exact same special effect shot repeated three times an episode every episode. And let’s not forget the original Star Trek reruns featuring trips to the planet of fake rocks. There was absolutely no sci fi on regular television and outside of watching Dr. Who on PBS it was an unknown genre.
Quantum Leap fixed that problem by doing one thing very well: not being an obvious science fiction show. Despite the fact that the entire premise is based in science fiction (scientist is caught in his own time travel machine, leaping from body to body through time only helped by his friendly hologram) they made sure that it didn’t get in the way of the story telling. Which is the entire point of science fiction. We aren’t interested in the technical details behind the story; it is just a setting to tell us truths about ourselves.
Few shows did that as well as Quantum Leap. You never knew what you were going to get when you sat down to watch an episode. Sure there were a few constants. Sam would spend the first part of the episode confused. Al would make a leering comment at a female. Ziggy the super computer would wait until the final minute to reveal the solution to the problem. But the stories themselves would vary from decade to decade and could focus on social ills to family struggles to just pure comedy. The fact that fifteen years later I can still recall about a dozen episodes from memory (the evil leaper, the three part trilogy, the much argued about final episode) tells you something about the quality of the show.
I think what has stayed with me most about the show is just how incredible the writing and the acting was behind the show. When you are growing up you reach a point at which your television watching habits change. You grow up laughing at shows like Alf and Perfect Strangers and while you might watch a show like St. Elsewhere you don’t really get it. Those are shows your parents watch and they control the remote. But at some point you are watching television and realize that it can be more.
Because Quantum Leap showed that subtlety could be a wonderful thing. The sly references to history hidden throughout the episode: items that would only be caught if you were paying attention. The fact that as the show progressed Sam and Al’s relationship became even more nuanced until the point in which they became more real than fiction. It was the first show that made me think. Really, really think about what I just saw and what it meant to the world.
There is one other reason behind my love of the show. I had my first lucid dream (the ability to be awake in your own dream) after watching an episode. I always say that it wasn’t coincidental. Something about the show helped to flip the switch in my brain that now allows me to fly whenever I feel the need to. I wish all shows could open up your consciousness to such a degree.
I’m somewhat upset that kids growing up today can watch science fiction on television without any fear of retribution. Being a fan of Battlestar Galactica now implies that you like to watch a show with excellent writing and surprisingly attractive cylons as opposed to in my day where it meant that you wanted to watch Lorne Greene and the exact same special effect shot repeated three times an episode every episode. And let’s not forget the original Star Trek reruns featuring trips to the planet of fake rocks. There was absolutely no sci fi on regular television and outside of watching Dr. Who on PBS it was an unknown genre.
Quantum Leap fixed that problem by doing one thing very well: not being an obvious science fiction show. Despite the fact that the entire premise is based in science fiction (scientist is caught in his own time travel machine, leaping from body to body through time only helped by his friendly hologram) they made sure that it didn’t get in the way of the story telling. Which is the entire point of science fiction. We aren’t interested in the technical details behind the story; it is just a setting to tell us truths about ourselves.
Few shows did that as well as Quantum Leap. You never knew what you were going to get when you sat down to watch an episode. Sure there were a few constants. Sam would spend the first part of the episode confused. Al would make a leering comment at a female. Ziggy the super computer would wait until the final minute to reveal the solution to the problem. But the stories themselves would vary from decade to decade and could focus on social ills to family struggles to just pure comedy. The fact that fifteen years later I can still recall about a dozen episodes from memory (the evil leaper, the three part trilogy, the much argued about final episode) tells you something about the quality of the show.
I think what has stayed with me most about the show is just how incredible the writing and the acting was behind the show. When you are growing up you reach a point at which your television watching habits change. You grow up laughing at shows like Alf and Perfect Strangers and while you might watch a show like St. Elsewhere you don’t really get it. Those are shows your parents watch and they control the remote. But at some point you are watching television and realize that it can be more.
Because Quantum Leap showed that subtlety could be a wonderful thing. The sly references to history hidden throughout the episode: items that would only be caught if you were paying attention. The fact that as the show progressed Sam and Al’s relationship became even more nuanced until the point in which they became more real than fiction. It was the first show that made me think. Really, really think about what I just saw and what it meant to the world.
There is one other reason behind my love of the show. I had my first lucid dream (the ability to be awake in your own dream) after watching an episode. I always say that it wasn’t coincidental. Something about the show helped to flip the switch in my brain that now allows me to fly whenever I feel the need to. I wish all shows could open up your consciousness to such a degree.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Super Bowl Roundup
Some other notes from the Super Bowl and the sporting world over the weekend.
1) I sadly did was not on one of the cable systems that received free porn from Comcast during the fourth quarter of the game last night. As a Comcast subscriber I find it rather disappointing that this was not a universal feature of their Super Bowl coverage. Given that I typically do not receive the channels that I actually purchase and have to deal with an on screen channel guide that states that the show I am currently watching is called “To Be Announced” I feel that at the very least I deserve some free porn now and again.
2) I can’t agree with the Super Bowl being the best ever. It may have had the best second half of the fourth quarter in Super Bowl history but the entire game would not rank as one of the best ever. The first half was rather boring, way too many penalties, and let’s face it, Pittsburgh should have blown this one away. It was a hell of a game to watch but just not the best ever. (I mean, compare this to the Chargers – Dolphins playoff game that is universally referred to as the greatest game of all time. That was a game full of highlights and reversals of fortune.)
3) For those of you wishing to own your own Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl Champions t-shirt I recommend traveling to your favorite third world country over the next few weeks. I am not making this up. As you know immediately after the game the players are all given the commemorative t-shirt which makes you wonder what would happen if the other team won. Well, they print up two versions of all the merchandise and the losing teams gear is given to charity. So this means that in some remote village at the edge of civilization we have an entire culture that is convinced that the Buffalo Bills are the greatest franchise of all time.
4) I guess the only commercials of note that I did not comment on are the annual Godaddy.com ones. I’m sorry but every time I watch those all I can think about is how bad of an agent that Danica Patrick has. Here is a beautiful, articulate woman who happens to be a race car driver so the best promotional vehicle for her that they can come up with is by placing her in bad T and A ads that just remove everything that makes her an interesting personality. Also, I’m still not quite sure the connection between scantily clad women and internet domain registration is. Between scantily clad women and the internet, yes I get the relationship, but I doubt that most people who list their occupation as “dancer” can help you with your DNS settings.
5) In the other big sports news of the weekend Michael Phelps was caught smoking pot. My response: wait, didn’t the Olympics end months ago? I thought that I didn’t have to care about Michael Phelps any more. I think this will turn out to be more interesting for how much of a non-story this will become. A lot of people will view that as an indication that the country has turned a more lax eye to marijuana. I mean, this is an Olympic hero who was caught with a bong in hand and you would have to expect this to greatly tarnish his squeaky clean reputation. Except for the fact that for the most part the Olympics have completely vanished from peoples’ minds and no one cares about a guy who we paid attention to because he was better than everyone else at not drowning. We don’t care about Aquaman so why should we care about Michael Phelps?
1) I sadly did was not on one of the cable systems that received free porn from Comcast during the fourth quarter of the game last night. As a Comcast subscriber I find it rather disappointing that this was not a universal feature of their Super Bowl coverage. Given that I typically do not receive the channels that I actually purchase and have to deal with an on screen channel guide that states that the show I am currently watching is called “To Be Announced” I feel that at the very least I deserve some free porn now and again.
2) I can’t agree with the Super Bowl being the best ever. It may have had the best second half of the fourth quarter in Super Bowl history but the entire game would not rank as one of the best ever. The first half was rather boring, way too many penalties, and let’s face it, Pittsburgh should have blown this one away. It was a hell of a game to watch but just not the best ever. (I mean, compare this to the Chargers – Dolphins playoff game that is universally referred to as the greatest game of all time. That was a game full of highlights and reversals of fortune.)
3) For those of you wishing to own your own Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl Champions t-shirt I recommend traveling to your favorite third world country over the next few weeks. I am not making this up. As you know immediately after the game the players are all given the commemorative t-shirt which makes you wonder what would happen if the other team won. Well, they print up two versions of all the merchandise and the losing teams gear is given to charity. So this means that in some remote village at the edge of civilization we have an entire culture that is convinced that the Buffalo Bills are the greatest franchise of all time.
4) I guess the only commercials of note that I did not comment on are the annual Godaddy.com ones. I’m sorry but every time I watch those all I can think about is how bad of an agent that Danica Patrick has. Here is a beautiful, articulate woman who happens to be a race car driver so the best promotional vehicle for her that they can come up with is by placing her in bad T and A ads that just remove everything that makes her an interesting personality. Also, I’m still not quite sure the connection between scantily clad women and internet domain registration is. Between scantily clad women and the internet, yes I get the relationship, but I doubt that most people who list their occupation as “dancer” can help you with your DNS settings.
5) In the other big sports news of the weekend Michael Phelps was caught smoking pot. My response: wait, didn’t the Olympics end months ago? I thought that I didn’t have to care about Michael Phelps any more. I think this will turn out to be more interesting for how much of a non-story this will become. A lot of people will view that as an indication that the country has turned a more lax eye to marijuana. I mean, this is an Olympic hero who was caught with a bong in hand and you would have to expect this to greatly tarnish his squeaky clean reputation. Except for the fact that for the most part the Olympics have completely vanished from peoples’ minds and no one cares about a guy who we paid attention to because he was better than everyone else at not drowning. We don’t care about Aquaman so why should we care about Michael Phelps?
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Super Blog V
5:40 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from Battling the Current sports headquarters for Super Blog V! I am joined by…by…Roomberto the cleaning robot. Note to self: when adjusting the settings on household robots do not tweak the A.I. to the point where it becomes self-aware.
5:43 P.M.: Yes, it is the return of the live blog. I’ll be watching the game (alone but screw it, I had a great weekend already and nothing is going to change that) and giving my commentary on the game, the commercials and whatever else is on my mind.
5:45 P.M.: For those wondering my views and cheering interest on this game. I would really like to pull for the Cardinals due to a love for the underdog and the Chicago connection but the Steelers are a more local team, a strong franchise and I’ve, uh, been threatened by a number of Steelers fans regarding my loyalty. So go Pittsburgh but put up a good fight Arizona.
5:50 P.M.: To show how awesome my Super Bowl party is I am simultaneously doing laundry. Whee!
5:53 P.M.: For those of you not interested in watching the game I present the following alternatives. A) The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. I’ll talk about this more as I can guarantee that I will be flipping to it at some point tonight. B) To Catch a Predator marathon on MSNBC. In case you want to watch guys explain to Chris Hansen why they brought wine coolers to a 13 year olds house.
5:55 P.M.: Matt Millen picks the Cardinals. Matt Freaking Millen is allowed to be an analyst? The guy who completely destroyed the Lions franchise to the point that they did not win a single game this season? The one that resulted in having fans leading protest marches in Detroit? Not only am I now certain that the Steelers will win the game but I am very confident that Kurt Warner will be the first quarterback to spontaneously combust during the game.
5:59 P.M.: The Pennsylvania Lottery uses a very disturbing groundhog puppet as its spokesman. I can never tell if the commercials are wanting me to buy scratch off tickets or inform me that this rodent will chew out my eyeballs if I’m not careful.
6:00 P.M.: Faith Hill! Music for people who enjoy Wonder Bread.
6:09 P.M.: Taking the field to vaguely techno music are your Pittsburgh Steelers! Because when I think of steel mills I immediately think of flashing strobe lights and pounding bass. The Arizona Cardinals come out to a death metal theme. Have to give the advantages to the Cardinals on that one. It looks like we have eschewed the player introductions, which is sad because it is the only time when we actually care about where the left guard went to college.
6:14 P.M.: Correction: Walter Payton is the greatest running back in NFL history. There are no qualifiers needed. Kurt Warner starts the evening by winning a trophy, the NFL Man of the Year, and we get the first shot of his wife Brenda who no longer looks like a living troll doll like she did during the Ram years.
6:16 P.M.: The U.S. Airways crew gets to go to the game. Actually, I have no snark at all for that honor.
6:20 P.M.: Curious as to where this orchestra is hiding during the national anthem. I mean, I wouldn’t want to suggest that all of this was prerecorded several months ago.
6:22 P.M.: Ok, as someone who watched G.I. Joe every day after school I do not recall the Baroness ever looking that hot. Any film that features Snake Eyes has earned my respect.
6:25 P.M.: Time for the coin toss. I have money on heads. I’m not kidding about this. I actually have a bet with someone at work on the coin toss. This may indicate some sort of problem on my end.
6:26 P.M.: Always great that we have the entire country focused on what exactly is heads and what is tails. General Petraeus with the honors and…it is heads! Boo yah! Shoe money tonight!
6:29 P.M.: Seriously, General Petraeus has nothing better to do than toss a coin in the air? You’d think he would have a few more items on his to do list. And did we just have a sideline reporter quote F. Scott Fitzgerald? Wow, don’t see that every day.
6:32 P.M.: My fellow Illini Neil Rackers with the kick and the game is underway. Rackers even gets the tackle.
6:33 P.M.: Big gain by Hines Ward on a really well designed bootleg. One of those plays where the defense goes “Aw Christ” halfway through it. Followed by a nice gain by Willie Parker.
6:38 P.M.: Roethlisberger bootlegs it into the end zone for a touchdown. Or does he? The challenge flag is out as we go to the first commercial. Wow, what office has beer at the meetings in this economy. Followed by another film featuring Tom Hanks and bad hair.
6:42 P.M.: Ooh, huge call as the touchdown is reversed and the Steelers are forced to bring out everyone’s favorite stoner kicker: Jeff Reed. And Jeff knocks it through to give the Steelers a 3-0 lead.
6:44 P.M.: Bob Dylan for Pepsi. Sigh. I just died a little inside. Though Doritos did give us snowglobe to the groin. That was nice.
6:48 P.M.: Notre Dame alum Mike Gandy gets the first penalty of the night. Thanks Mike, way to do the University proud.
6:52 P.M.: Another Jack Black movie? Really? Do we have to go?
6:53 P.M.: After a nothing drive by the Cardinals the Steelers start out with a big play. This game has “watching the Puppy Bowl in the third quarter” written all over it.
7:01 P.M.: End of the first quarter as it has been all Steelers though they only lead 3-0. Second and goal when we start the second quarter. And I really want to meet who is clamoring for a new Fast and the Furious movie. Other than Vin Diesel, who could probably use the work.
7:08 P.M.: Touchdown Steelers! That is two straight drives down the field for Pittsburgh. Oh, and Pepsi has made a Diet Pepsi for men, which is promoted by showing just how stupid men are. I’m trying to get my head around this whole “Diet drink isn’t manly” concept. Ok, I can understand why a guy might not want to be seen relaxing with a refreshing Tab but I never realized that my typical diet soda isn’t extreme enough.
7:13 P.M.: I am intrigued by the new Star Trek movie. I’m not sure if I am in sci-fi geek freak out mode yet but I am very curious as to how it will turn out. Still, I would prefer it if every add focused on Simon Pegg as Scotty.
7:18 P.M.: Cardinals actually responding with a drive. Otherwise this could turn into a very boring game very quickly, especially given that it appears impossible for the Cardinals to run the ball. And just as I type it Arizona gets a holding penalty.
7:20 P.M.: Warner gets a ton of time and hits Anquan Boldin who gets down to the two. How the hell do you let him get so open. And then a stumbling and bumbling Warner tosses a prayer to the tight end for a touchdown. Rackers with the extra point and it is now 10-7 Steelers. We have a game of it.
7:23 P.M.: I actually liked that Cars.com commercial. Low-key, interesting and memorable. I’m not sure if subtlety is your best bet during the Super Bowl but I appreciate it. Plus, no reason to apply to Princeton unless it is for dean.
7:28 P.M.: Arizona’s defensive coordinator is named Clancy. That must make it really difficult to earn the player’s respect. “Ok everyone. Let’s all be quiet so Clancy can speak.”
7:31 P.M.: After an Arizona defensive stand Steve Breaston, a former Wolverine, breaks out a huge return. Like everyone else who grew up in the mid 80’s I can only respond, “Wolverines!”
7:41 P.M.: Arizona went nowhere but then tipped a Roethlisberger pass and get the first turnover of the day as we hit the two minute warning. And I have now been warned to not send flowers in a box or declare my desire to see a coworker naked. Good advice, now that you think about it.
7:52 P.M.: And in what will go down as the biggest play of the game: Arizona had the ball with goal to go on the two with 18 seconds left and Warner throws a pick and James Harrison runs it back 100 yards for a touchdown as time expires. So we went from possibly 14-10 Cardinals to 17-7 Steelers except now the play is being reviewed. It stands so that is just a momentum killer for the Cardinals going into the half. Now they have to sit in a room and think about this while Bruce Springsteen has a concert.
7:58 P.M.: Monsters vs. Aliens will probably be my second favorite versus movie after the classic: Kramer vs. Predator.
8:19 P.M.: As is tradition, I call my parents at halftime so I can avoid watching the halftime show. However, I did have it on mute so I did at least get to see Bruce go sliding into the cameraman. That was worth it.
8:37 P.M.: I’m confused. So an advertisement that features people driving on the moon (to House of Pain’s “Jump Around” no less0 has a notification on it stating “Professional driver on a closed course.” Does this mean that they actually flew to the moon to film this commercial? Or am I being warned to not build my own rocket and lunar excursion vehicle, fly to the moon and then drive recklessly?
8:39 P.M.: Arizona has the ball for the first drive but it just kind of goes nowhere and they punt it away. They needed to have something happen on that drive because if Pittsburgh puts together a big drive here the game is over.
8:43 P.M.: The Rock continues his solid acting career in Race to Witch Mountain. Again, there is a lot less snark in that comment than you would expect. He is really the only person I have ever seen transition from a wrestling career to a successful acting career. Hell, he is one of a handful of people who has been able to leave wrestling on his own terms and never have to look back.
8:48 P.M.: I have to mention that a few years ago that the Cardinals changed their helmets in order to give the Cardinal a bit more of a nasty smirk to it. It’s tough to try to portray a tough football attitude when your mascot is a small, rather adorable, bird. For reference my high school’s nickname was the Roadrunners. Again, it is tough to promote that macho image when your mascot is best known for running away from danger.
8:53 P.M.: Jeff Reed, who you know owns a van with a picture of the universe spray painted over it, hits the field goal to make it 20-7. But wait! Arizona roughed the holder and pretty much gave him the business thus making it first and goal for the Steelers. Add to the list of dumb penalties by the Cardinals tonight.
8:57 P.M.: Second verse, same as the first. Reed kicks a field goal to make it 20-7.
8:59 P.M.: You know, after that last commercial I begin to realize why Career Builder was slightly less than effective in my job search. Though using their site did make me want to punch a koala.
9:02 P.M.: Here is my favorite story from the entire playoffs. Kurt Warner was asked by a fan to draw a picture of God. What Kurt drew was what appeared to be a combination of Jesus and the character Duke from G.I. Joe. I don’t know the meaning of that fact but I just find it cool.
9:05 P.M.: We are through three quarters with the score Steelers 20 Cardinals 7. Not the greatest game of all time but it certainly has been interesting.
9:09 P.M.: Gandy again with the hold. Jeez, Notre Dame is even having a bad season in the Super Bowl.
9:20 P.M.: Despite the fact that cash4gold is apparently pretty much a scam I have to admit that having MC Hammer selling a gold medallion of MC Hammer wearing a gold medallion is a rather brilliant idea.
9:24 P.M.: While I thought the commercial with the electric scarecrow was good I have an issue with this whole “smart grid” concept. Understand that I’ve spent the majority of my adult life studying, designing and operating electrical grids. I still don’t quite understand what they mean by a smart grid. Everything follows the laws of physics. Not much intelligence to it.
9:26 P.M.: Larry Fitzgerald, who should be your favorite football player, catches a touchdown pass to make it 20-14 Steelers. Boy, that last second interception return is huge right now. Still, we have a game of it in the fourth quarter, which is more than most people expected.
9:32 P.M.: Good defensive stand by the Cardinals and Warner will have the ball, down six, with five and a half minutes to go. This is what they call crunch time.
9:35 P.M.: We have a Richard Dean Anderson sighting! What else could make this night better?
9:40 P.M.: Cardinals drive gets going but Gandy gets another hold call resulting in an Arizona punt. Steelers then get a roughing call but now the Steelers start on their own one. Three and a half left in the game.
9:44 P.M.: Steelers seem to make a miraculous escape from the end zone we get a holding call in the end zone resulting in a safety. 20-16 Steelers with a free kick coming up with just under three minutes to play. This one is going down to the end.
9:48 P.M.: Oh my freaking God! Fitzgerald just got wide open in the middle of the field and just outran everyone on the field. He could have gone for three hundred yards on that play. And for the first time all night the Cardinals lead the game 23 -20. You’ve read that correct folks: with just over two minutes to go in the Super Bowl that Arizona Cardinals are in the lead. Maybe it is prophetic that Cuba Gooding Jr. is in attendance.
9:57 P.M.: And with under a minute to play Santonio Holmes breaks open and brings it within the ten. This is getting rather insane.
10:01 P.M.: In just an amazing catch, Santonio Holmes does a tiptoe catch in the endzone for a touchdown. Watching it live I thought that there was no way he stayed in bounds but on replay it certainly looks like he did. Just freaking incredible. Now 27-23 Steelers and the Cardinals have thirty seconds and two timeouts to pull out the third miracle drive in a row.
10:09 P.M.: Is the game over? Did Warner fumble the ball? It’s time to go to the replay booth. If not there is one play left. Yes, it is a fumble! Steelers win the Super Bowl 27 – 23. That game was a thousand times better than it had any right being.
Thanks for joining me, congrats to all the Steeler fans and I’ll be back to normal operations tomorrow.
Best of 120 Minutes: One of the best lines anyone said to me “All I could do is leave you in Misouri”. Makes this Soul Asylum song take on a totally different meaning.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Drive-By Truckers “Brighter Than Creation’s Dark”
2) Rhett Miller “The Instigator”
3) Lyle Lovett and his Large Band “It’s Not Big, It’s Large”
4) Po’ Girl “Vagabond Lullabyes”
5) Sarah McLachlan “Rarities, B-Sides and Other Stuff”
5:43 P.M.: Yes, it is the return of the live blog. I’ll be watching the game (alone but screw it, I had a great weekend already and nothing is going to change that) and giving my commentary on the game, the commercials and whatever else is on my mind.
5:45 P.M.: For those wondering my views and cheering interest on this game. I would really like to pull for the Cardinals due to a love for the underdog and the Chicago connection but the Steelers are a more local team, a strong franchise and I’ve, uh, been threatened by a number of Steelers fans regarding my loyalty. So go Pittsburgh but put up a good fight Arizona.
5:50 P.M.: To show how awesome my Super Bowl party is I am simultaneously doing laundry. Whee!
5:53 P.M.: For those of you not interested in watching the game I present the following alternatives. A) The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. I’ll talk about this more as I can guarantee that I will be flipping to it at some point tonight. B) To Catch a Predator marathon on MSNBC. In case you want to watch guys explain to Chris Hansen why they brought wine coolers to a 13 year olds house.
5:55 P.M.: Matt Millen picks the Cardinals. Matt Freaking Millen is allowed to be an analyst? The guy who completely destroyed the Lions franchise to the point that they did not win a single game this season? The one that resulted in having fans leading protest marches in Detroit? Not only am I now certain that the Steelers will win the game but I am very confident that Kurt Warner will be the first quarterback to spontaneously combust during the game.
5:59 P.M.: The Pennsylvania Lottery uses a very disturbing groundhog puppet as its spokesman. I can never tell if the commercials are wanting me to buy scratch off tickets or inform me that this rodent will chew out my eyeballs if I’m not careful.
6:00 P.M.: Faith Hill! Music for people who enjoy Wonder Bread.
6:09 P.M.: Taking the field to vaguely techno music are your Pittsburgh Steelers! Because when I think of steel mills I immediately think of flashing strobe lights and pounding bass. The Arizona Cardinals come out to a death metal theme. Have to give the advantages to the Cardinals on that one. It looks like we have eschewed the player introductions, which is sad because it is the only time when we actually care about where the left guard went to college.
6:14 P.M.: Correction: Walter Payton is the greatest running back in NFL history. There are no qualifiers needed. Kurt Warner starts the evening by winning a trophy, the NFL Man of the Year, and we get the first shot of his wife Brenda who no longer looks like a living troll doll like she did during the Ram years.
6:16 P.M.: The U.S. Airways crew gets to go to the game. Actually, I have no snark at all for that honor.
6:20 P.M.: Curious as to where this orchestra is hiding during the national anthem. I mean, I wouldn’t want to suggest that all of this was prerecorded several months ago.
6:22 P.M.: Ok, as someone who watched G.I. Joe every day after school I do not recall the Baroness ever looking that hot. Any film that features Snake Eyes has earned my respect.
6:25 P.M.: Time for the coin toss. I have money on heads. I’m not kidding about this. I actually have a bet with someone at work on the coin toss. This may indicate some sort of problem on my end.
6:26 P.M.: Always great that we have the entire country focused on what exactly is heads and what is tails. General Petraeus with the honors and…it is heads! Boo yah! Shoe money tonight!
6:29 P.M.: Seriously, General Petraeus has nothing better to do than toss a coin in the air? You’d think he would have a few more items on his to do list. And did we just have a sideline reporter quote F. Scott Fitzgerald? Wow, don’t see that every day.
6:32 P.M.: My fellow Illini Neil Rackers with the kick and the game is underway. Rackers even gets the tackle.
6:33 P.M.: Big gain by Hines Ward on a really well designed bootleg. One of those plays where the defense goes “Aw Christ” halfway through it. Followed by a nice gain by Willie Parker.
6:38 P.M.: Roethlisberger bootlegs it into the end zone for a touchdown. Or does he? The challenge flag is out as we go to the first commercial. Wow, what office has beer at the meetings in this economy. Followed by another film featuring Tom Hanks and bad hair.
6:42 P.M.: Ooh, huge call as the touchdown is reversed and the Steelers are forced to bring out everyone’s favorite stoner kicker: Jeff Reed. And Jeff knocks it through to give the Steelers a 3-0 lead.
6:44 P.M.: Bob Dylan for Pepsi. Sigh. I just died a little inside. Though Doritos did give us snowglobe to the groin. That was nice.
6:48 P.M.: Notre Dame alum Mike Gandy gets the first penalty of the night. Thanks Mike, way to do the University proud.
6:52 P.M.: Another Jack Black movie? Really? Do we have to go?
6:53 P.M.: After a nothing drive by the Cardinals the Steelers start out with a big play. This game has “watching the Puppy Bowl in the third quarter” written all over it.
7:01 P.M.: End of the first quarter as it has been all Steelers though they only lead 3-0. Second and goal when we start the second quarter. And I really want to meet who is clamoring for a new Fast and the Furious movie. Other than Vin Diesel, who could probably use the work.
7:08 P.M.: Touchdown Steelers! That is two straight drives down the field for Pittsburgh. Oh, and Pepsi has made a Diet Pepsi for men, which is promoted by showing just how stupid men are. I’m trying to get my head around this whole “Diet drink isn’t manly” concept. Ok, I can understand why a guy might not want to be seen relaxing with a refreshing Tab but I never realized that my typical diet soda isn’t extreme enough.
7:13 P.M.: I am intrigued by the new Star Trek movie. I’m not sure if I am in sci-fi geek freak out mode yet but I am very curious as to how it will turn out. Still, I would prefer it if every add focused on Simon Pegg as Scotty.
7:18 P.M.: Cardinals actually responding with a drive. Otherwise this could turn into a very boring game very quickly, especially given that it appears impossible for the Cardinals to run the ball. And just as I type it Arizona gets a holding penalty.
7:20 P.M.: Warner gets a ton of time and hits Anquan Boldin who gets down to the two. How the hell do you let him get so open. And then a stumbling and bumbling Warner tosses a prayer to the tight end for a touchdown. Rackers with the extra point and it is now 10-7 Steelers. We have a game of it.
7:23 P.M.: I actually liked that Cars.com commercial. Low-key, interesting and memorable. I’m not sure if subtlety is your best bet during the Super Bowl but I appreciate it. Plus, no reason to apply to Princeton unless it is for dean.
7:28 P.M.: Arizona’s defensive coordinator is named Clancy. That must make it really difficult to earn the player’s respect. “Ok everyone. Let’s all be quiet so Clancy can speak.”
7:31 P.M.: After an Arizona defensive stand Steve Breaston, a former Wolverine, breaks out a huge return. Like everyone else who grew up in the mid 80’s I can only respond, “Wolverines!”
7:41 P.M.: Arizona went nowhere but then tipped a Roethlisberger pass and get the first turnover of the day as we hit the two minute warning. And I have now been warned to not send flowers in a box or declare my desire to see a coworker naked. Good advice, now that you think about it.
7:52 P.M.: And in what will go down as the biggest play of the game: Arizona had the ball with goal to go on the two with 18 seconds left and Warner throws a pick and James Harrison runs it back 100 yards for a touchdown as time expires. So we went from possibly 14-10 Cardinals to 17-7 Steelers except now the play is being reviewed. It stands so that is just a momentum killer for the Cardinals going into the half. Now they have to sit in a room and think about this while Bruce Springsteen has a concert.
7:58 P.M.: Monsters vs. Aliens will probably be my second favorite versus movie after the classic: Kramer vs. Predator.
8:19 P.M.: As is tradition, I call my parents at halftime so I can avoid watching the halftime show. However, I did have it on mute so I did at least get to see Bruce go sliding into the cameraman. That was worth it.
8:37 P.M.: I’m confused. So an advertisement that features people driving on the moon (to House of Pain’s “Jump Around” no less0 has a notification on it stating “Professional driver on a closed course.” Does this mean that they actually flew to the moon to film this commercial? Or am I being warned to not build my own rocket and lunar excursion vehicle, fly to the moon and then drive recklessly?
8:39 P.M.: Arizona has the ball for the first drive but it just kind of goes nowhere and they punt it away. They needed to have something happen on that drive because if Pittsburgh puts together a big drive here the game is over.
8:43 P.M.: The Rock continues his solid acting career in Race to Witch Mountain. Again, there is a lot less snark in that comment than you would expect. He is really the only person I have ever seen transition from a wrestling career to a successful acting career. Hell, he is one of a handful of people who has been able to leave wrestling on his own terms and never have to look back.
8:48 P.M.: I have to mention that a few years ago that the Cardinals changed their helmets in order to give the Cardinal a bit more of a nasty smirk to it. It’s tough to try to portray a tough football attitude when your mascot is a small, rather adorable, bird. For reference my high school’s nickname was the Roadrunners. Again, it is tough to promote that macho image when your mascot is best known for running away from danger.
8:53 P.M.: Jeff Reed, who you know owns a van with a picture of the universe spray painted over it, hits the field goal to make it 20-7. But wait! Arizona roughed the holder and pretty much gave him the business thus making it first and goal for the Steelers. Add to the list of dumb penalties by the Cardinals tonight.
8:57 P.M.: Second verse, same as the first. Reed kicks a field goal to make it 20-7.
8:59 P.M.: You know, after that last commercial I begin to realize why Career Builder was slightly less than effective in my job search. Though using their site did make me want to punch a koala.
9:02 P.M.: Here is my favorite story from the entire playoffs. Kurt Warner was asked by a fan to draw a picture of God. What Kurt drew was what appeared to be a combination of Jesus and the character Duke from G.I. Joe. I don’t know the meaning of that fact but I just find it cool.
9:05 P.M.: We are through three quarters with the score Steelers 20 Cardinals 7. Not the greatest game of all time but it certainly has been interesting.
9:09 P.M.: Gandy again with the hold. Jeez, Notre Dame is even having a bad season in the Super Bowl.
9:20 P.M.: Despite the fact that cash4gold is apparently pretty much a scam I have to admit that having MC Hammer selling a gold medallion of MC Hammer wearing a gold medallion is a rather brilliant idea.
9:24 P.M.: While I thought the commercial with the electric scarecrow was good I have an issue with this whole “smart grid” concept. Understand that I’ve spent the majority of my adult life studying, designing and operating electrical grids. I still don’t quite understand what they mean by a smart grid. Everything follows the laws of physics. Not much intelligence to it.
9:26 P.M.: Larry Fitzgerald, who should be your favorite football player, catches a touchdown pass to make it 20-14 Steelers. Boy, that last second interception return is huge right now. Still, we have a game of it in the fourth quarter, which is more than most people expected.
9:32 P.M.: Good defensive stand by the Cardinals and Warner will have the ball, down six, with five and a half minutes to go. This is what they call crunch time.
9:35 P.M.: We have a Richard Dean Anderson sighting! What else could make this night better?
9:40 P.M.: Cardinals drive gets going but Gandy gets another hold call resulting in an Arizona punt. Steelers then get a roughing call but now the Steelers start on their own one. Three and a half left in the game.
9:44 P.M.: Steelers seem to make a miraculous escape from the end zone we get a holding call in the end zone resulting in a safety. 20-16 Steelers with a free kick coming up with just under three minutes to play. This one is going down to the end.
9:48 P.M.: Oh my freaking God! Fitzgerald just got wide open in the middle of the field and just outran everyone on the field. He could have gone for three hundred yards on that play. And for the first time all night the Cardinals lead the game 23 -20. You’ve read that correct folks: with just over two minutes to go in the Super Bowl that Arizona Cardinals are in the lead. Maybe it is prophetic that Cuba Gooding Jr. is in attendance.
9:57 P.M.: And with under a minute to play Santonio Holmes breaks open and brings it within the ten. This is getting rather insane.
10:01 P.M.: In just an amazing catch, Santonio Holmes does a tiptoe catch in the endzone for a touchdown. Watching it live I thought that there was no way he stayed in bounds but on replay it certainly looks like he did. Just freaking incredible. Now 27-23 Steelers and the Cardinals have thirty seconds and two timeouts to pull out the third miracle drive in a row.
10:09 P.M.: Is the game over? Did Warner fumble the ball? It’s time to go to the replay booth. If not there is one play left. Yes, it is a fumble! Steelers win the Super Bowl 27 – 23. That game was a thousand times better than it had any right being.
Thanks for joining me, congrats to all the Steeler fans and I’ll be back to normal operations tomorrow.
Best of 120 Minutes: One of the best lines anyone said to me “All I could do is leave you in Misouri”. Makes this Soul Asylum song take on a totally different meaning.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Drive-By Truckers “Brighter Than Creation’s Dark”
2) Rhett Miller “The Instigator”
3) Lyle Lovett and his Large Band “It’s Not Big, It’s Large”
4) Po’ Girl “Vagabond Lullabyes”
5) Sarah McLachlan “Rarities, B-Sides and Other Stuff”
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