Strange habit of mine # 327: Whenever I leave the exercise room in my apartment if I am the last one out I turn off every single television in the place. I would like to say that this is because of some grand desire to not waste electricity except that I actually make more money when people waste electricity. (This is slightly less evil than when I made a living getting people to pay me ten dollars a month for their horoscope. It’s amazing what people will buy when you promote it properly.) In reality I just have this extreme need to make sure that everything is nice and tidy whenever I leave a place. Hell, I’ll properly organize the weights if they aren’t too heavy.
Workout annoyance # 26: Having a communal workout room means communal televisions. Even though every machine has a television set in it there is also a need to have the big screen on at a volume so loud that I can’t even cover it up with my Zune. This meant that I road an exercise bike tonight while listening to American Idol. I really didn’t want to watch it. I certainly didn’t want to listen to it. And I certainly don’t understand why the judges feel the need to dance during the songs. It’s still better than the dreaded “Everybody Loves Raymond” marathon workouts.
Prank (or is it?) # 53: I am extremely upset that the news media is referring to the road signs that read “Zombies sighted in area. Run for your lives!” as mere college pranks. It is laissez faire attitudes such as that which will leave civilization in ruins in the event of a Class 4 zombie outbreak. And do we have any proof that it is actually a prank? Of course not. The government is surprisingly mum about the simultaneous rash of dismemberments in the region and the media is too scared to report the increase in military activity. As a result, I am raising my official Zombie Def Con to Level 2. Those who wish to follow me to freedom and / or survival from the zombie apocalypse are asked to form an orderly line.
Weapon you should not use to rob a store # 12: A Klingon sword of honor. Did anyone else catch this story? Some guy in Colorado robbed two 7-11’s by waving a Klingon bat’leth (and yes, I did have to look that one up) at the employees. I doubt that he will be difficult to catch. First of all, he can’t run away very quickly due to his asthma. Plus, once his mom sees the sword in her basement she’ll probably call the cops on him. As a rule, robberies should not cause the person being robbed to break out in laughter.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m searching for music that explains my life right now. Maybe this one will work. Or at least “I’m drinking until my life makes sense” is a very good description of where my brain is at the present moment. Plus, a little Old 97’s makes life much nicer.
No comments:
Post a Comment