Ok anonymous commenter, now I am really upset that I didn't think about showing up at the midnight screening of New Moon dressed as Blade the Vampire Hunter. Especially if I could have convinced someone else to dress up as whatever the hell character Kate Beckinsale plays in all of those Underworld movies. (I assume that her character has a name but I doubt that really plays a role in understanding those flicks.) Personally, I thought my garlic fries concession was going to be a gold mine. Oh how wrong I was.
(Why people care about vampires and werewolves when the zombie apocalypse is fast approaching is beyond me. Ooh, vampires are dark and brooding. What good is that going to be when a zombie is tearing out your throat? All the Twilight series is doing is allowing people to dress as if they are Cure fans without having to actually listen to the Cure. Which when you think about it really isn't a bad thing.)
Switching gears it s always interesting to note how Thanksgiving Eve has become an unofficial holiday. Hell, I remember when the day after Thanksgiving wasn't an official day off from work and now it is a given at most non-retail locations. (If you are in retail, sorry. Not for the lack of a day off; just sorry in general.) At least the four day weekend is sensible (who sets a holiday on a Thursday anyway) but the fact that Wednesday has become a de facto holiday is rather amazing. Did anyone get much accomplished today other than travelling. I don't want to sound like a curmudgeonly old man who talks about how he had to walk uphill both ways to school but you know what, those damn kids better get off my lawn.
(Ok, that may not have made sense. Sorry.)
Luckily this year is not a reunion year for me so I get to avoid any of those get togethers. Though in the age of Facebook high school reunions happen every five minutes. The only reason to attend is to see what everyone is up to and I already know that in extremely graphic detail along with how their farm is doing. When people decide what caused the downfall of Western Civilization I hope that at least a few people put in a few votes for Farmville.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Want to know what I am thankful for? The Polyphonic Spree covering Nirvana.
Showing posts with label Zombies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zombies. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It is like they are twins or something
Now I want to state up front that I really don’t care what anyone does with their body. If you have to go through immense surgery just to feel comfortable in your own skin than by all means go ahead as long as I don’t have to end up paying for it with my tax dollars. But I really wish someone would have told Chastity Bono that the Charlie Weis look is not the one to choose. No one: man, woman, Charlie Weis, or member of the Hutt clan should aspire to looking like Charlie Weis. Still, if this makes Chastity happy then by all means congratulations.
(Props to Kim to pointing me to E Online for the photo and the absolutely uncanny resemblance.)
Oh, and Charlie Weis didn’t cost us the Boston College game this year! For the first time since before I was actually a Notre Dame student. Well, he tried really hard to screw it up and I agree with DJ why the BC defenders didn’t jump on the eight yard out route at least once is beyond me but we did finally beat Boston College. It does look like my prediction that Notre Dame should go 9 – 3 will come true. Again, no reason why we shouldn’t go 11 – 1 as USC is the only team we play with more talent but Charlie will typically lead us to two losses that we shouldn’t have (Michigan and Pitt as my prediction.)
The other big news from the weekend is that Obama has declared a national emergency due to a rash of zombie outbreaks. Oh wait, that press release wasn’t meant for the public. I mean swine flu. Just ordinary, everyday swine flu. Ignore any rumors you hear about the living dead feasting on human flesh. No, I don’t know why Congress has decided to all go to the Canadian wilderness. I assume it is for the health care debate. Just carry on, all is well…(checks supplies, rereads the Zombie Survival Manual.)
Actually swine flu is a national emergency right now and you would think that I would be more nervous about it. I mean, I am someone who did at least make some preparations for Y2K (made sure my car was filled with gas, hit the cash station, checked the computer code on my robot butler) and I travel all the time. Yet on this one I am not overly concerned. I did get my regular flu shot and am taking every precaution that I can, which is mainly washing my hands a lot, but otherwise I am not too up in arms about it. That is not to say that it isn’t a serious manner and those most at risk should be vaccinated. However, it is not as though we are living through a retelling of The Stand. Though if you start having dreams about an old woman in a farmhouse in Nebraska you might take it as a bit of a sign.
Best of 120 Minutes: I am going to try to bring back my regular music video postings. 120 Minutes of Sunday, the Wednesday Night Music Club on Wednesdays and your 80’s weekend rewind on the weekends. Mainly because I enjoy searching for music videos online but hopefully others will enjoy them as well. We’ll start off by going Dutch with Bettie Serveert’s Ray Ray Rain.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Liz Phair “Somebody’s Miracle”
2) Damien Rice “O”
3) Howie Day “The Madrigals EP”
4) Neko Case “Live from Austin Texas”
5) Cowboy Junkies “Open Road”
(Props to Kim to pointing me to E Online for the photo and the absolutely uncanny resemblance.)
Oh, and Charlie Weis didn’t cost us the Boston College game this year! For the first time since before I was actually a Notre Dame student. Well, he tried really hard to screw it up and I agree with DJ why the BC defenders didn’t jump on the eight yard out route at least once is beyond me but we did finally beat Boston College. It does look like my prediction that Notre Dame should go 9 – 3 will come true. Again, no reason why we shouldn’t go 11 – 1 as USC is the only team we play with more talent but Charlie will typically lead us to two losses that we shouldn’t have (Michigan and Pitt as my prediction.)
The other big news from the weekend is that Obama has declared a national emergency due to a rash of zombie outbreaks. Oh wait, that press release wasn’t meant for the public. I mean swine flu. Just ordinary, everyday swine flu. Ignore any rumors you hear about the living dead feasting on human flesh. No, I don’t know why Congress has decided to all go to the Canadian wilderness. I assume it is for the health care debate. Just carry on, all is well…(checks supplies, rereads the Zombie Survival Manual.)
Actually swine flu is a national emergency right now and you would think that I would be more nervous about it. I mean, I am someone who did at least make some preparations for Y2K (made sure my car was filled with gas, hit the cash station, checked the computer code on my robot butler) and I travel all the time. Yet on this one I am not overly concerned. I did get my regular flu shot and am taking every precaution that I can, which is mainly washing my hands a lot, but otherwise I am not too up in arms about it. That is not to say that it isn’t a serious manner and those most at risk should be vaccinated. However, it is not as though we are living through a retelling of The Stand. Though if you start having dreams about an old woman in a farmhouse in Nebraska you might take it as a bit of a sign.
Best of 120 Minutes: I am going to try to bring back my regular music video postings. 120 Minutes of Sunday, the Wednesday Night Music Club on Wednesdays and your 80’s weekend rewind on the weekends. Mainly because I enjoy searching for music videos online but hopefully others will enjoy them as well. We’ll start off by going Dutch with Bettie Serveert’s Ray Ray Rain.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Liz Phair “Somebody’s Miracle”
2) Damien Rice “O”
3) Howie Day “The Madrigals EP”
4) Neko Case “Live from Austin Texas”
5) Cowboy Junkies “Open Road”
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Worf is not pleased
Strange habit of mine # 327: Whenever I leave the exercise room in my apartment if I am the last one out I turn off every single television in the place. I would like to say that this is because of some grand desire to not waste electricity except that I actually make more money when people waste electricity. (This is slightly less evil than when I made a living getting people to pay me ten dollars a month for their horoscope. It’s amazing what people will buy when you promote it properly.) In reality I just have this extreme need to make sure that everything is nice and tidy whenever I leave a place. Hell, I’ll properly organize the weights if they aren’t too heavy.
Workout annoyance # 26: Having a communal workout room means communal televisions. Even though every machine has a television set in it there is also a need to have the big screen on at a volume so loud that I can’t even cover it up with my Zune. This meant that I road an exercise bike tonight while listening to American Idol. I really didn’t want to watch it. I certainly didn’t want to listen to it. And I certainly don’t understand why the judges feel the need to dance during the songs. It’s still better than the dreaded “Everybody Loves Raymond” marathon workouts.
Prank (or is it?) # 53: I am extremely upset that the news media is referring to the road signs that read “Zombies sighted in area. Run for your lives!” as mere college pranks. It is laissez faire attitudes such as that which will leave civilization in ruins in the event of a Class 4 zombie outbreak. And do we have any proof that it is actually a prank? Of course not. The government is surprisingly mum about the simultaneous rash of dismemberments in the region and the media is too scared to report the increase in military activity. As a result, I am raising my official Zombie Def Con to Level 2. Those who wish to follow me to freedom and / or survival from the zombie apocalypse are asked to form an orderly line.
Weapon you should not use to rob a store # 12: A Klingon sword of honor. Did anyone else catch this story? Some guy in Colorado robbed two 7-11’s by waving a Klingon bat’leth (and yes, I did have to look that one up) at the employees. I doubt that he will be difficult to catch. First of all, he can’t run away very quickly due to his asthma. Plus, once his mom sees the sword in her basement she’ll probably call the cops on him. As a rule, robberies should not cause the person being robbed to break out in laughter.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m searching for music that explains my life right now. Maybe this one will work. Or at least “I’m drinking until my life makes sense” is a very good description of where my brain is at the present moment. Plus, a little Old 97’s makes life much nicer.
Workout annoyance # 26: Having a communal workout room means communal televisions. Even though every machine has a television set in it there is also a need to have the big screen on at a volume so loud that I can’t even cover it up with my Zune. This meant that I road an exercise bike tonight while listening to American Idol. I really didn’t want to watch it. I certainly didn’t want to listen to it. And I certainly don’t understand why the judges feel the need to dance during the songs. It’s still better than the dreaded “Everybody Loves Raymond” marathon workouts.
Prank (or is it?) # 53: I am extremely upset that the news media is referring to the road signs that read “Zombies sighted in area. Run for your lives!” as mere college pranks. It is laissez faire attitudes such as that which will leave civilization in ruins in the event of a Class 4 zombie outbreak. And do we have any proof that it is actually a prank? Of course not. The government is surprisingly mum about the simultaneous rash of dismemberments in the region and the media is too scared to report the increase in military activity. As a result, I am raising my official Zombie Def Con to Level 2. Those who wish to follow me to freedom and / or survival from the zombie apocalypse are asked to form an orderly line.
Weapon you should not use to rob a store # 12: A Klingon sword of honor. Did anyone else catch this story? Some guy in Colorado robbed two 7-11’s by waving a Klingon bat’leth (and yes, I did have to look that one up) at the employees. I doubt that he will be difficult to catch. First of all, he can’t run away very quickly due to his asthma. Plus, once his mom sees the sword in her basement she’ll probably call the cops on him. As a rule, robberies should not cause the person being robbed to break out in laughter.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m searching for music that explains my life right now. Maybe this one will work. Or at least “I’m drinking until my life makes sense” is a very good description of where my brain is at the present moment. Plus, a little Old 97’s makes life much nicer.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Your zombie economic forecast
Given that we just suffered through another 500 point drop in the Dow I thought that I should provide my view on the current state of the economy. As I do have an MBA in Finance I do possess at least a little background on the subject at hand. However, it should be noted that I am also a person who willingly paid money to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert and therefore my judgment cannot be trusted in even the best of circumstances. Here it goes, in handy question and answer format.
Q: So how bad is it?
A: Bad. Really bad. Guy coming after you wearing a hockey mask and a chainsaw bad.
Q: Eep! So what the hell is going on?
A: Let’s try to keep it simple. When you put money in the bank the bank doesn’t actually hold on to it. They lend it to people who then use it and promise to pay it back. As long as they do there is no problem. Except that now we lent to a lot of people who didn’t pay the banks back. And the banks invested in all of these strange financial instruments that were meant to reduce risk but in fact just made the risk larger. Now several banks are failing because they can’t cover what they owe while the others aren’t lending out money to anyone.
Q: So, what’s wrong with banks not lending?
A: Well, see, companies don’t actually carry cash. Whenever they need to do something (up to and including make payroll) they typically do it through a loan. Now they can’t do that so everything is seizing up. Hence, a huge downturn in the market until the credit market opens up again.
Q: What is your next to worst case scenario?
A: Dow drops to 7777 over the next several months and you have double digit unemployment (I’ll guess 12%).
Q: Why 7777? That is a rather precise figure.
A: 7777 is the next major psychological barrier for the Dow now that we have broken 10,000. Despite the fact that the number is rather meaningless people really do react to it. That’s why on Monday the market rebounded back to 10,000. They felt safe around that number. With that level gone the next safe zone is 7777, which exists because people really like the number seven. I’m not making that up. There is actually research that agrees with me.
Q: Ok, so what is your worst case scenario?
A: Complete collapse of the global economic system resulting in worldwide anarchy. However, for those of you who have heeded my advice and have prepared for the inevitable war against the zombies you will find that the plans that you have developed for that conflict will serve you well in such a situation. And no, I will not tell you where my secret hideout is. When the zombies rise we are all on our own.
Q: Wait a minute, as your ex-girlfriend won’t you come and rescue me when I call upon you for help while surrounded by zombies?
A: Ha ha. No. As anyone well versed in zombie defense tactics knows one of the first actions to be taken by any female with a known former male suitor who also happens to be a hopeless romantic is to call on said suitor for rescue. In the best case scenario, he will draw the zombies away from your position and provide a useful diversion as you escape. In the worst case scenario, he actually will rescue you and then you will have to patiently accept his company until such a time arises in which he can properly be utilized as zombie bait. Unless you are by my side when a Class 3 outbreak occurs you are out of luck.
Q: You really have put a lot of thought into this whole zombie scenario, haven’t you?
A: I keep a machete at the ready at all times. Blades don’t need reloading.
Q: Anyway, back to the market. Any suggestions?
A: If you’re my age keep plugging away at your 401K. Yes, you’ve lost a ton of money but that is money meant for thirty years from now. If the market doesn’t recover by then we will seriously be at the point where foraging for food will take precedence over retirement plans. I’d stay away from any company where they will need a lot of capital in order to start making money (sorry tech startups) until the debt markets open up. Always side on companies that make products that people have to use. People will need to buy diapers and razor blades. Otherwise, try to keep a good store of cash at the ready, have your resume up to date and start networking just in case.
Q: Ever seen the market this bad?
A: Nope. I’ve been following the market for 25 years (really, I have had my eye on it since I was 10) and I’ve never seen a configuration of events like this. The Dow is down over 30% in the past year. But, there are actually some positive signs. The whole world economy is hitting a recession and that means everyone is in the same boat and that provides opportunities for the first people to figure out a fix, which will most likely be the U.S. Plus, when people around the world get scared the money goes into the U.S. market because even in horrible times we are still the safest bet. The dollar is strengthening and the very weak dollar that we’ve had worried me more than anything. Oil prices are down and that should help provide at least a modicum of stability to the whole state of affairs. We haven’t bottomed out yet but at least I can see some positive signs out there.
Q: Still happy that you got a job when you did?
A: Yep. Might turn out to be the luckiest moment of my life. I’ll take employed in Delaware over unemployed in Kansas City any day of the week.
Off to watch the debate. Be vigilant! If anyone lurches towards you always ask yourself “Is that a zombie?” If in doubt, aim for the head. Better safe than undead I always say.
Q: So how bad is it?
A: Bad. Really bad. Guy coming after you wearing a hockey mask and a chainsaw bad.
Q: Eep! So what the hell is going on?
A: Let’s try to keep it simple. When you put money in the bank the bank doesn’t actually hold on to it. They lend it to people who then use it and promise to pay it back. As long as they do there is no problem. Except that now we lent to a lot of people who didn’t pay the banks back. And the banks invested in all of these strange financial instruments that were meant to reduce risk but in fact just made the risk larger. Now several banks are failing because they can’t cover what they owe while the others aren’t lending out money to anyone.
Q: So, what’s wrong with banks not lending?
A: Well, see, companies don’t actually carry cash. Whenever they need to do something (up to and including make payroll) they typically do it through a loan. Now they can’t do that so everything is seizing up. Hence, a huge downturn in the market until the credit market opens up again.
Q: What is your next to worst case scenario?
A: Dow drops to 7777 over the next several months and you have double digit unemployment (I’ll guess 12%).
Q: Why 7777? That is a rather precise figure.
A: 7777 is the next major psychological barrier for the Dow now that we have broken 10,000. Despite the fact that the number is rather meaningless people really do react to it. That’s why on Monday the market rebounded back to 10,000. They felt safe around that number. With that level gone the next safe zone is 7777, which exists because people really like the number seven. I’m not making that up. There is actually research that agrees with me.
Q: Ok, so what is your worst case scenario?
A: Complete collapse of the global economic system resulting in worldwide anarchy. However, for those of you who have heeded my advice and have prepared for the inevitable war against the zombies you will find that the plans that you have developed for that conflict will serve you well in such a situation. And no, I will not tell you where my secret hideout is. When the zombies rise we are all on our own.
Q: Wait a minute, as your ex-girlfriend won’t you come and rescue me when I call upon you for help while surrounded by zombies?
A: Ha ha. No. As anyone well versed in zombie defense tactics knows one of the first actions to be taken by any female with a known former male suitor who also happens to be a hopeless romantic is to call on said suitor for rescue. In the best case scenario, he will draw the zombies away from your position and provide a useful diversion as you escape. In the worst case scenario, he actually will rescue you and then you will have to patiently accept his company until such a time arises in which he can properly be utilized as zombie bait. Unless you are by my side when a Class 3 outbreak occurs you are out of luck.
Q: You really have put a lot of thought into this whole zombie scenario, haven’t you?
A: I keep a machete at the ready at all times. Blades don’t need reloading.
Q: Anyway, back to the market. Any suggestions?
A: If you’re my age keep plugging away at your 401K. Yes, you’ve lost a ton of money but that is money meant for thirty years from now. If the market doesn’t recover by then we will seriously be at the point where foraging for food will take precedence over retirement plans. I’d stay away from any company where they will need a lot of capital in order to start making money (sorry tech startups) until the debt markets open up. Always side on companies that make products that people have to use. People will need to buy diapers and razor blades. Otherwise, try to keep a good store of cash at the ready, have your resume up to date and start networking just in case.
Q: Ever seen the market this bad?
A: Nope. I’ve been following the market for 25 years (really, I have had my eye on it since I was 10) and I’ve never seen a configuration of events like this. The Dow is down over 30% in the past year. But, there are actually some positive signs. The whole world economy is hitting a recession and that means everyone is in the same boat and that provides opportunities for the first people to figure out a fix, which will most likely be the U.S. Plus, when people around the world get scared the money goes into the U.S. market because even in horrible times we are still the safest bet. The dollar is strengthening and the very weak dollar that we’ve had worried me more than anything. Oil prices are down and that should help provide at least a modicum of stability to the whole state of affairs. We haven’t bottomed out yet but at least I can see some positive signs out there.
Q: Still happy that you got a job when you did?
A: Yep. Might turn out to be the luckiest moment of my life. I’ll take employed in Delaware over unemployed in Kansas City any day of the week.
Off to watch the debate. Be vigilant! If anyone lurches towards you always ask yourself “Is that a zombie?” If in doubt, aim for the head. Better safe than undead I always say.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)