When you have the same commute every day little things take on a great deal of significance and annoyance. I had a great example of one of these today. I found myself behind a loaner Lexus on a two lane road. This isn’t too big of a deal, it’s nice to know that a dealership will still lend out loaner vehicles, but I noticed that the car had its window wipers on when it wasn’t raining. And continued to have the window wipers on for the entire fifteen minutes that I followed it.
You would not believe how much this upset me. It was even worse than when you follow someone with their turn signal on. Sure, that drives you up the wall but at least you understand how it could happen. We all have left a turn signal on only to notice twenty or thirty seconds later. It is easy to miss. But how the hell can you not notice that your windshield wipers are on? Even in an unfamiliar car it shouldn’t be that difficult to figure out how to turn them off. Given that it is a loaner car it is not as though it should be in bad condition. I just got more pissed off every time I looked through the windshield and saw those blades flip across. Made me wonder how they got their hands on a Lexus in the first place.
Anyway, so we fired Charlie Weis today. That means we won’t have him to kick around anymore, which is kind of a shame since he was a rather large target. My choice to fill his sweatshirt is Mark Mangino. I think we can all agree that our hope of having a talented, inspiring coach on the Notre Dame sideline is pretty much a pipe dream. Instead I think we should just focus on hiring fatter and fatter coaches until TLC dedicates a camera crew to the team to film their “800 pound coach” special. If anyone can explain to me what those shows on hyper-obese people have to do with learning I am all ears. All it teaches me to do is put down the sandwich.
Tiger Woods Update: He will not play in his own tournament and is likely out until the start of next year. Also, one of his friends has stated that he is in the market for a “Kobe special.” I’m guessing that he is going to go shopping at Jared’s. Because what is the 13 letter answer to “What does a guy do after hooking up with a skank in Australia who then brags about it to all of her friends in New York?”
It is interesting to see that other people are picking up on whether or not this should be a story or not. If this is indicative of an affair or spousal abuse does not at the moment impact whether he makes a 20 foot putt. But since Tiger Woods is a billion dollar brand built upon being a squeaky clean image this is a huge story. If John Mallinger had this happen to him it would not even have made the ESPN ticker. Who is John Mallinger? He was the 50th best golfer in the world last year bringing in $1.7 million. Tiger Woods is paid for being a celebrity that is what endorsement dollars are for. In return for those payments you lose the right to privacy. Yes, in a perfect world we would let Tiger sort this out on his own but we all want to see our heroes get dirty. It makes them human.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tiger Woods: Threat or Menace?
Time for me to play my favorite pastime: Speculating on events that I know nothing about and in all reality have no impact on my day to day existence. Today’s topic: Tiger Woods.
Let’s start with what we can actually state as facts. On Wednesday the National Enquirer reported a rumor that Tiger Woods had known a 34 year old NYC woman who was not his wife in the biblical sense. Said woman is also well known for spending much of her time pursuing famous people and uh, looking vaguely plastic based on the pictures. (Seriously, she looks like someone who works the afternoon shift at a strip club.) At 2 in the morning on Thanksgiving night Tiger Woods ran his Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree on his property resulting in a) his wife needing an eight iron to remove him from the car and b) a trip to the hospital for Tiger. Everything else is officially speculation at this point.
Now I will be breaking this down from various angles over the next couple of days as more information comes out. So far our theories are a) this was a simple car accident, b) he was caught cheating on his wife who responded by beating him up, running him out of the house and knocking the back window out of his car causing the accident or c) which is basically b except that he didn’t cheat on his wife. But right now I want to focus on two aspects of what makes this a story because in reality the entire event should be a non-story.
The reason this caught everyone’s attention is because the story broke as “Tiger Woods in car accident and is hospitalized in serious condition.” I mean, they went to John Saunders in the studio during my Illinois – Cincy game to make this known. This made everyone stop and wonder how badly was he injured or how this would impact his golf game. Those words “serious conditions” indicate to most people that while he wasn’t about to die there was a good chance that he was in surgery at the moment, which wasn’t the case at all. When the story broke he was already out of the hospital. If the story was “Tiger Woods in minor car accident, taken to the hospital for facial lacerations and released” no one would really care. If there really is a cover up at play in the background then Tiger should fire his PR person for making this sound much more serious than it actually is.
But this leads us into the other point, which is why do we care about this in the first place? Again, very few people are directly tied to Tiger Woods so his health and safety, while meaningful on a personal level, has no impact on day to day existence. Tiger falls into a rather interesting category though as he has been for around fifteen years now a constant in the media landscape. He is the pinnacle of his sport made even more of a spotlight as in it is a purely solo sport. The camera is always on him during a tournament. Watching the final round of the Masters is essentially like walking the course for four hours with Tiger. Even Jordan did not have that level of detail as there were always other stars on the court at the same time.
Adding to this are his endorsements, which have made him the first billion dollar athlete. The image has always been one of a clean cut, driven and determined athlete. The only flaws to him are that he is too much of a perfectionist but that is played off via his natural humor. He is the perfect pitchman, excellent in his field and on the screen with no baggage looming in the background. So even a minor accident becomes news and tie that with the possibility that our hero may be flawed and this becomes a feeding frenzy. There is nothing we like to do more as a culture than build up our idols and then tear them down when they fail us even if their failures have no impact on our lives.
I’ll keep an eye on the media circus this week. This story has some definite legs to it.
Best Videos of the Decade: For this last month of the year (ok, we aren’t into December yet but the Christmas season is in full swing so go with me) I will be taking some time to highlight some of the best music videos of the decade. Given that this has been the decade that marked the end of MTV as having anything to do with music this may be a little easier than one would think. There still were some excellent examples of art with first and foremost being the video for Johnny Cash’s “Hurt.” If this doesn’t give you chills you officially have no soul.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Blake Babies “God Bless the Blake Babies”
2) Keb Mo’ “Keb Mo’”
3) Guster “Lost and Gone Forever”
4) Old Crow Medicine Show “Big Iron World”
5) Pearl Jam “Ten”
Let’s start with what we can actually state as facts. On Wednesday the National Enquirer reported a rumor that Tiger Woods had known a 34 year old NYC woman who was not his wife in the biblical sense. Said woman is also well known for spending much of her time pursuing famous people and uh, looking vaguely plastic based on the pictures. (Seriously, she looks like someone who works the afternoon shift at a strip club.) At 2 in the morning on Thanksgiving night Tiger Woods ran his Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree on his property resulting in a) his wife needing an eight iron to remove him from the car and b) a trip to the hospital for Tiger. Everything else is officially speculation at this point.
Now I will be breaking this down from various angles over the next couple of days as more information comes out. So far our theories are a) this was a simple car accident, b) he was caught cheating on his wife who responded by beating him up, running him out of the house and knocking the back window out of his car causing the accident or c) which is basically b except that he didn’t cheat on his wife. But right now I want to focus on two aspects of what makes this a story because in reality the entire event should be a non-story.
The reason this caught everyone’s attention is because the story broke as “Tiger Woods in car accident and is hospitalized in serious condition.” I mean, they went to John Saunders in the studio during my Illinois – Cincy game to make this known. This made everyone stop and wonder how badly was he injured or how this would impact his golf game. Those words “serious conditions” indicate to most people that while he wasn’t about to die there was a good chance that he was in surgery at the moment, which wasn’t the case at all. When the story broke he was already out of the hospital. If the story was “Tiger Woods in minor car accident, taken to the hospital for facial lacerations and released” no one would really care. If there really is a cover up at play in the background then Tiger should fire his PR person for making this sound much more serious than it actually is.
But this leads us into the other point, which is why do we care about this in the first place? Again, very few people are directly tied to Tiger Woods so his health and safety, while meaningful on a personal level, has no impact on day to day existence. Tiger falls into a rather interesting category though as he has been for around fifteen years now a constant in the media landscape. He is the pinnacle of his sport made even more of a spotlight as in it is a purely solo sport. The camera is always on him during a tournament. Watching the final round of the Masters is essentially like walking the course for four hours with Tiger. Even Jordan did not have that level of detail as there were always other stars on the court at the same time.
Adding to this are his endorsements, which have made him the first billion dollar athlete. The image has always been one of a clean cut, driven and determined athlete. The only flaws to him are that he is too much of a perfectionist but that is played off via his natural humor. He is the perfect pitchman, excellent in his field and on the screen with no baggage looming in the background. So even a minor accident becomes news and tie that with the possibility that our hero may be flawed and this becomes a feeding frenzy. There is nothing we like to do more as a culture than build up our idols and then tear them down when they fail us even if their failures have no impact on our lives.
I’ll keep an eye on the media circus this week. This story has some definite legs to it.
Best Videos of the Decade: For this last month of the year (ok, we aren’t into December yet but the Christmas season is in full swing so go with me) I will be taking some time to highlight some of the best music videos of the decade. Given that this has been the decade that marked the end of MTV as having anything to do with music this may be a little easier than one would think. There still were some excellent examples of art with first and foremost being the video for Johnny Cash’s “Hurt.” If this doesn’t give you chills you officially have no soul.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Blake Babies “God Bless the Blake Babies”
2) Keb Mo’ “Keb Mo’”
3) Guster “Lost and Gone Forever”
4) Old Crow Medicine Show “Big Iron World”
5) Pearl Jam “Ten”
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Your 2009 Holiday Viewing Guide
It is time for that annual holiday tradition: My overview of the Holiday television schedule. Yes, this is my opportunity to inform you of the best choices for your viewing options. All times are CST, channels are listed, and I promise you I am not making these shows up.
Thursday, November 26th
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (9 AM, NBC): I recommend building a time machine to fully enjoy this annual treat. Besides featuring the classic ginat balloons of Kermit, Garfield and a smurf we also were treated to lip synched performances by every vaguely teen performer in existence, all of whom seem to be rocking emo bangs. Yes, I am now at the point where I look at the TV and yell, "Get a haircut you damn hippie!"
Home Alone (11 AM, FX): Macauley Culkin woke up in a hangover daze this morning, turned on the television and saw that the highlight of his life consisted of several acts of horrible violence against Joe Pesci. Come to think of it, that would be the highlight of anyone's life.
Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special (7 PM, Comedy Central): The popularity of Jeff Dunham amazes me. Heck, the fact that this guy has a career stuns me. Who the hell gets a ventriloquism bit to work for fifteen years? He even sells CDs. You know how easy it is to ventriloquism on a CD?
Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau (11 PM, CMT): Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit quite like Larry the Cable Guy and vague Hawaiian themes. Some people ask how I can be such a cynical bastard during the holiday season. To them I present Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau. By the time you finish watching it you will want to punt an elf.
Friday, November 27
The Santa Clause (8 PM, TBS): Remember when Tim Allen was funny? Yeah, me neither.
Saturday, November 28
Holly and Hal Moose: Our Uplifting Christmas (9 AM, ABC Family): A pair of moose (mooses?, meeses?) discover Santa's workshop and disclose the horrific sweatshop conditions maintained inside. Nice to see a change of pace regarding our holiday creatures, though.
The National Tree (7 PM, Hallmark): Andrew McCarthy (better known as that other guy in every movie you watched in the 1980's) helps his son haul an evergreen to DC. I assume they are using a truck of some sort though a father and son heroically dragging a tree down the highway would be inspiring. Instead I assume that this just discusses the importance of maintaining proper air pressure in your tires.
Sunday, November 29
A Christmas Carol (1 PM, Hallmark): The tale of how dedication and perserverence to one's chosen field will result in admiration and respect amongst one's fellow man. George C. Scott version.
A Dog Named Christmas (8 PM, CBS): Having met two dogs named Valentine this year I think that even I will get misty eyed about a show in which a young man helps out a shelter's adoption program.
Larry the Cable Guy Star Studded Christmas Spectacular (10:30 PM, CMT): Yes, not only one but two Larry the Cable Guy Christmas specials. This one featuring Toby Keith, Montgomery Gentry and and Jeff Foxworthy! You know how you might be a redneck? If you find yourself watching a Larry the Cable Guy Christmas special at 10:30 on a Sunday Night in November.
Monday, November 30
Naughty or Nice (7 PM, ABC Family): A sick boy convinces a Chicago shock jock (admirally protrayed by George Lopez) to be nice for one day. If believing in Santa is too easy, just try wrapping your head around George Lopez having a successful radio career or a shock jock doing anything remotely noble.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (7 PM, ABC): The tale of how Whoville's existence of decadence and depravity is overturned by one brave individual who has a body three times to large for his heart. I'm sorry but Whoville totally got what they deserved.
Tuesday, December 1
The Year Without a Santa Claus (6 PM, ABC Family): Come for the Heat Miser and Snow Miser, stay for....do you really need a reason to stay? We're talking the Heat Miser! An all time great.
A Charlie Brown Christmas (7 PM, ABC): The best ever. Hands down even if said hands are holding Dolly Madison Zingers. Snoopy's portrayals of all the animals in the bible, the kids dancing and the little tree that just needs a little love. No, I'm not crying just thinking about it. It's just a little dusty in here that is all.
Disney Prep and Landing (7:30 PM, ABC): So after spending the past half hour reliving your childhood with one of the most touching programs ever produced why not stay tuned for a crass comercial about how elves (sponsored by Disney) prepare houses for Santa's arrival (also sponsored by Disney.) Remember kids, if your toys don't say Disney it means that your parents don't really love you.
Wednesday, December 2
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (7 PM, CBS): Still should be referred to by it's original title: Hermie the Misfit Elf and Friends. That said, I will watch this show just for the line, "She thinks I'm cute!" That and maybe I will finally find out what games reindeer actually play. I'm guessing No Limit Hold'Em but that is a little passe.
Thursday, December 3
A Christmas Carol (7 PM, TCM): A reminder to all budding entrepreneurs to carefully choose their accountants to avoid any unneccessary discussions as to what constitutes a proper deduction. Reginald Owen version.
A Diva's Christmas Carol (7 PM, Hallmark): See above, except replace accountant with assistant and Reginald Owen with that Miss America contestant who was nude in Playboy.
Saturday, December 5
12 Men of Christmas (8 PM, Lifetime): Kristin Chenoweth stars as a New Yorker who must skip town after a disastorous office party. Yes, it is either the SEC Title Game or this and Kristin Chenoweth does make it a little bit of a tough decision. Odds of a Meredith Baxter-Birney sighting: 60 %.
Monday, December 7
'Twas the Night Before Christmas (6 PM, ABC Family): My absolute favorite special. I just liked one that featured an incredibly smart mouse with glasses as the main character who ruins Christmas and then has to try to redeem himself. Any analogies to myself there are purely incidental.
Cranberry Christmas (6:30 PM, ABC Family): Here is the preview, direct from the Chicago Sun-Times "A meanie wants to take away the Cranberryport skating bog." Please give your thoughts on whatever the hell this might mean in the comments because I haven't a freaking clue.
Jack Frost (9 PM, ABC Family): I am going to assume that this is not the horror film starring a killer snowman but given they had just had a show about a skating bog I really can't be sure.
Tuesday, December 8
Mickey's Christmas Carrol (6 PM, ABC Family): Explains the true meaning of Christmas. Does not explain how Goofy is a dog that can walk and talk while Pluto is a dog who is, well, a dog. Scrooge McDuck version.
Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too! (6:30 PM, ABC Family): From the A.A. Milne classic tale of Santa Claus. Sigh. I'd like to make more fun of this but as a kid I so loved the stories because of Christopher Robin (the only character who had the same first name as me.) I'll probably end up taping this and then complaining about how the room is dusty every time I watch.
A Miser Brothers Christmas (8 PM, ABC Family): Finally someone gets the point. All Miser Brothers, all the time. They should have their own sitcom.
Rudolph's Shiny New Year (8:30 PM, ABC Family): For the record, it is two and a half weeks before Christmas and we have a New Year's Special. First Valentine's Day special is planned for December 20th.
Friday, December 11
Yes, Virginia (7 PM, CBS): A skeptical girl asks a newspaper for the truth about Santa, a more in depth discussion of the health care bills and a comics section that is awesome like it was when we had Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side. Also inquires the staff as to why they are employed in a dying industry.
The Flight Before Christmas (7:30 PM, CBS): Again from the Sun Times "Ambitious reindeer tries to find missing father." Thus, this story might really be a tale of parental abandonment as his father takes flight before the holidays much in the manner of "I'm going out for a pack of cigarettes." This implies a much more complex social structure in the reindeer community than I have ever imagined.
Saturday, December 12
Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (8 AM, ABC Family): I am slowly getting the feeling that ABC Family just bought up the rights to every show with Christmas in its title. I'm assuming that he uses his long ears to fly in a helicopter fashion to help lower Santa into chimneys.
Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (11 AM, ABC Family): And I complained about the New Year's Special. Why aren't they showing this in July? And since when did Rudolph and Frosty form some sort of magical Christmas tag-team? I expect to see them in a double Russian chain match against the Miser Brothers.
It's a Wonderful Life (7 PM, NBC): I still have not seen this movie. I am not kidding. I know that it is a holiday staple but I simply have never sat down to watch it. It just wasn't in my family's rotation. Apologies to those who feel that this makes me pure evil.
Sunday, December 13
Santa Baby (5 PM, ABC Family): Jenny McCarthy stars as Santa's efficiency expert daughter who must fill her old man's shoes when he falls ill. The logical inconsistencies present in the "Jenny McCarthy" and "efficiency expert" makes this one sound like a twelve egg nog special.
The Christmas Blessing (5 PM, Lifetime Movie): Neil Patrick Harris. You don't even need a plot description; it stars Neil Patrick Harris. If that isn't enough to make you watch nothing will.
Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe (7 PM, ABC Family): My god, they made a sequel. And her first name is apparently Mary. I think I am losing brain cells just by typing this.
The Christmas Hope (7 PM, Lifetime Movie): A foster child wins over a couple starring Madeline Stowe thus answering the question "Whatever happened to Madeline Stowe?"
Christmas at the White House (9 PM, ABC): Oprah grills the president on his foreign policy decisions.
Tuesday, December 15
I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (7 PM, ABC): Can't have too many Peanuts specials, especially ones featuring Rerun. If you need to think up a quick present for me anything related to Charles Schulz is usually a good choice.
Friday, December 18
Frosty the Snowman (7 PM, CBS): Ok, raise your hands. How many of you cried when Frosty has to go away? I thought so. Maybe the most heart wrenching Christmas special ever. You fall in love with the big guy and then he vanishes and there is nothing that you can do about it. Great lesson to teach children.
Frosty Returns (7:30 PM, CBS): Well, maybe his disappearance wasn't so permanent after all.
Tuesday, December 22
A Very Brady Christmas (Noon, ABC Family): I have a problem with this. The holidays are all about nostalgia, which is why I am writing about shows that I remember watching thirty years ago. Yet this is a special in which Christmas nostalgia is combined with old TV show nostalgia and it is just too much.
Once Upon a Christmas (2 PM, ABC Family): Santa's Daughter again must try to save the day. In this instance, Santa's daughter is played by Kathy Ireland. I consider that an upgrade.
Twice Upon a Christmas (4 PM, ABC Family): For crying out loud, how many movies about Santa's daughters featuring former pin up models are there? Are there a whole bunch starring Elle McPhereson that I am somehow missing?
A Christmas Carol (7 PM, TNT): Jean-Luc Picard version. Set phasers to awesome. Let's see those ghosts try to mess with Scrooge this time.
Christmas Eve
A Christmas Story (7 PM and on continual loop, TBS): Peter Billingsly directed Couples Retreat and was executive producer for Iron Man. I have no idea what significance that hold but really what else can one say about this film. I really think that it has become so popular that everyone should take a few years off from watching it just so it can regain a bit of its awesomeness. And trust me, it is awesome.
Christmas Day
The Yule Log (2 AM, WGN): Because what better way to enjoy the holidays than by watching a fireplace on your TV.
Enjoy the holidays everyone!
Thursday, November 26th
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (9 AM, NBC): I recommend building a time machine to fully enjoy this annual treat. Besides featuring the classic ginat balloons of Kermit, Garfield and a smurf we also were treated to lip synched performances by every vaguely teen performer in existence, all of whom seem to be rocking emo bangs. Yes, I am now at the point where I look at the TV and yell, "Get a haircut you damn hippie!"
Home Alone (11 AM, FX): Macauley Culkin woke up in a hangover daze this morning, turned on the television and saw that the highlight of his life consisted of several acts of horrible violence against Joe Pesci. Come to think of it, that would be the highlight of anyone's life.
Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special (7 PM, Comedy Central): The popularity of Jeff Dunham amazes me. Heck, the fact that this guy has a career stuns me. Who the hell gets a ventriloquism bit to work for fifteen years? He even sells CDs. You know how easy it is to ventriloquism on a CD?
Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau (11 PM, CMT): Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit quite like Larry the Cable Guy and vague Hawaiian themes. Some people ask how I can be such a cynical bastard during the holiday season. To them I present Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau. By the time you finish watching it you will want to punt an elf.
Friday, November 27
The Santa Clause (8 PM, TBS): Remember when Tim Allen was funny? Yeah, me neither.
Saturday, November 28
Holly and Hal Moose: Our Uplifting Christmas (9 AM, ABC Family): A pair of moose (mooses?, meeses?) discover Santa's workshop and disclose the horrific sweatshop conditions maintained inside. Nice to see a change of pace regarding our holiday creatures, though.
The National Tree (7 PM, Hallmark): Andrew McCarthy (better known as that other guy in every movie you watched in the 1980's) helps his son haul an evergreen to DC. I assume they are using a truck of some sort though a father and son heroically dragging a tree down the highway would be inspiring. Instead I assume that this just discusses the importance of maintaining proper air pressure in your tires.
Sunday, November 29
A Christmas Carol (1 PM, Hallmark): The tale of how dedication and perserverence to one's chosen field will result in admiration and respect amongst one's fellow man. George C. Scott version.
A Dog Named Christmas (8 PM, CBS): Having met two dogs named Valentine this year I think that even I will get misty eyed about a show in which a young man helps out a shelter's adoption program.
Larry the Cable Guy Star Studded Christmas Spectacular (10:30 PM, CMT): Yes, not only one but two Larry the Cable Guy Christmas specials. This one featuring Toby Keith, Montgomery Gentry and and Jeff Foxworthy! You know how you might be a redneck? If you find yourself watching a Larry the Cable Guy Christmas special at 10:30 on a Sunday Night in November.
Monday, November 30
Naughty or Nice (7 PM, ABC Family): A sick boy convinces a Chicago shock jock (admirally protrayed by George Lopez) to be nice for one day. If believing in Santa is too easy, just try wrapping your head around George Lopez having a successful radio career or a shock jock doing anything remotely noble.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (7 PM, ABC): The tale of how Whoville's existence of decadence and depravity is overturned by one brave individual who has a body three times to large for his heart. I'm sorry but Whoville totally got what they deserved.
Tuesday, December 1
The Year Without a Santa Claus (6 PM, ABC Family): Come for the Heat Miser and Snow Miser, stay for....do you really need a reason to stay? We're talking the Heat Miser! An all time great.
A Charlie Brown Christmas (7 PM, ABC): The best ever. Hands down even if said hands are holding Dolly Madison Zingers. Snoopy's portrayals of all the animals in the bible, the kids dancing and the little tree that just needs a little love. No, I'm not crying just thinking about it. It's just a little dusty in here that is all.
Disney Prep and Landing (7:30 PM, ABC): So after spending the past half hour reliving your childhood with one of the most touching programs ever produced why not stay tuned for a crass comercial about how elves (sponsored by Disney) prepare houses for Santa's arrival (also sponsored by Disney.) Remember kids, if your toys don't say Disney it means that your parents don't really love you.
Wednesday, December 2
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (7 PM, CBS): Still should be referred to by it's original title: Hermie the Misfit Elf and Friends. That said, I will watch this show just for the line, "She thinks I'm cute!" That and maybe I will finally find out what games reindeer actually play. I'm guessing No Limit Hold'Em but that is a little passe.
Thursday, December 3
A Christmas Carol (7 PM, TCM): A reminder to all budding entrepreneurs to carefully choose their accountants to avoid any unneccessary discussions as to what constitutes a proper deduction. Reginald Owen version.
A Diva's Christmas Carol (7 PM, Hallmark): See above, except replace accountant with assistant and Reginald Owen with that Miss America contestant who was nude in Playboy.
Saturday, December 5
12 Men of Christmas (8 PM, Lifetime): Kristin Chenoweth stars as a New Yorker who must skip town after a disastorous office party. Yes, it is either the SEC Title Game or this and Kristin Chenoweth does make it a little bit of a tough decision. Odds of a Meredith Baxter-Birney sighting: 60 %.
Monday, December 7
'Twas the Night Before Christmas (6 PM, ABC Family): My absolute favorite special. I just liked one that featured an incredibly smart mouse with glasses as the main character who ruins Christmas and then has to try to redeem himself. Any analogies to myself there are purely incidental.
Cranberry Christmas (6:30 PM, ABC Family): Here is the preview, direct from the Chicago Sun-Times "A meanie wants to take away the Cranberryport skating bog." Please give your thoughts on whatever the hell this might mean in the comments because I haven't a freaking clue.
Jack Frost (9 PM, ABC Family): I am going to assume that this is not the horror film starring a killer snowman but given they had just had a show about a skating bog I really can't be sure.
Tuesday, December 8
Mickey's Christmas Carrol (6 PM, ABC Family): Explains the true meaning of Christmas. Does not explain how Goofy is a dog that can walk and talk while Pluto is a dog who is, well, a dog. Scrooge McDuck version.
Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too! (6:30 PM, ABC Family): From the A.A. Milne classic tale of Santa Claus. Sigh. I'd like to make more fun of this but as a kid I so loved the stories because of Christopher Robin (the only character who had the same first name as me.) I'll probably end up taping this and then complaining about how the room is dusty every time I watch.
A Miser Brothers Christmas (8 PM, ABC Family): Finally someone gets the point. All Miser Brothers, all the time. They should have their own sitcom.
Rudolph's Shiny New Year (8:30 PM, ABC Family): For the record, it is two and a half weeks before Christmas and we have a New Year's Special. First Valentine's Day special is planned for December 20th.
Friday, December 11
Yes, Virginia (7 PM, CBS): A skeptical girl asks a newspaper for the truth about Santa, a more in depth discussion of the health care bills and a comics section that is awesome like it was when we had Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side. Also inquires the staff as to why they are employed in a dying industry.
The Flight Before Christmas (7:30 PM, CBS): Again from the Sun Times "Ambitious reindeer tries to find missing father." Thus, this story might really be a tale of parental abandonment as his father takes flight before the holidays much in the manner of "I'm going out for a pack of cigarettes." This implies a much more complex social structure in the reindeer community than I have ever imagined.
Saturday, December 12
Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (8 AM, ABC Family): I am slowly getting the feeling that ABC Family just bought up the rights to every show with Christmas in its title. I'm assuming that he uses his long ears to fly in a helicopter fashion to help lower Santa into chimneys.
Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (11 AM, ABC Family): And I complained about the New Year's Special. Why aren't they showing this in July? And since when did Rudolph and Frosty form some sort of magical Christmas tag-team? I expect to see them in a double Russian chain match against the Miser Brothers.
It's a Wonderful Life (7 PM, NBC): I still have not seen this movie. I am not kidding. I know that it is a holiday staple but I simply have never sat down to watch it. It just wasn't in my family's rotation. Apologies to those who feel that this makes me pure evil.
Sunday, December 13
Santa Baby (5 PM, ABC Family): Jenny McCarthy stars as Santa's efficiency expert daughter who must fill her old man's shoes when he falls ill. The logical inconsistencies present in the "Jenny McCarthy" and "efficiency expert" makes this one sound like a twelve egg nog special.
The Christmas Blessing (5 PM, Lifetime Movie): Neil Patrick Harris. You don't even need a plot description; it stars Neil Patrick Harris. If that isn't enough to make you watch nothing will.
Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe (7 PM, ABC Family): My god, they made a sequel. And her first name is apparently Mary. I think I am losing brain cells just by typing this.
The Christmas Hope (7 PM, Lifetime Movie): A foster child wins over a couple starring Madeline Stowe thus answering the question "Whatever happened to Madeline Stowe?"
Christmas at the White House (9 PM, ABC): Oprah grills the president on his foreign policy decisions.
Tuesday, December 15
I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (7 PM, ABC): Can't have too many Peanuts specials, especially ones featuring Rerun. If you need to think up a quick present for me anything related to Charles Schulz is usually a good choice.
Friday, December 18
Frosty the Snowman (7 PM, CBS): Ok, raise your hands. How many of you cried when Frosty has to go away? I thought so. Maybe the most heart wrenching Christmas special ever. You fall in love with the big guy and then he vanishes and there is nothing that you can do about it. Great lesson to teach children.
Frosty Returns (7:30 PM, CBS): Well, maybe his disappearance wasn't so permanent after all.
Tuesday, December 22
A Very Brady Christmas (Noon, ABC Family): I have a problem with this. The holidays are all about nostalgia, which is why I am writing about shows that I remember watching thirty years ago. Yet this is a special in which Christmas nostalgia is combined with old TV show nostalgia and it is just too much.
Once Upon a Christmas (2 PM, ABC Family): Santa's Daughter again must try to save the day. In this instance, Santa's daughter is played by Kathy Ireland. I consider that an upgrade.
Twice Upon a Christmas (4 PM, ABC Family): For crying out loud, how many movies about Santa's daughters featuring former pin up models are there? Are there a whole bunch starring Elle McPhereson that I am somehow missing?
A Christmas Carol (7 PM, TNT): Jean-Luc Picard version. Set phasers to awesome. Let's see those ghosts try to mess with Scrooge this time.
Christmas Eve
A Christmas Story (7 PM and on continual loop, TBS): Peter Billingsly directed Couples Retreat and was executive producer for Iron Man. I have no idea what significance that hold but really what else can one say about this film. I really think that it has become so popular that everyone should take a few years off from watching it just so it can regain a bit of its awesomeness. And trust me, it is awesome.
Christmas Day
The Yule Log (2 AM, WGN): Because what better way to enjoy the holidays than by watching a fireplace on your TV.
Enjoy the holidays everyone!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I also shouldn't have brought my pointy stick collection
Ok anonymous commenter, now I am really upset that I didn't think about showing up at the midnight screening of New Moon dressed as Blade the Vampire Hunter. Especially if I could have convinced someone else to dress up as whatever the hell character Kate Beckinsale plays in all of those Underworld movies. (I assume that her character has a name but I doubt that really plays a role in understanding those flicks.) Personally, I thought my garlic fries concession was going to be a gold mine. Oh how wrong I was.
(Why people care about vampires and werewolves when the zombie apocalypse is fast approaching is beyond me. Ooh, vampires are dark and brooding. What good is that going to be when a zombie is tearing out your throat? All the Twilight series is doing is allowing people to dress as if they are Cure fans without having to actually listen to the Cure. Which when you think about it really isn't a bad thing.)
Switching gears it s always interesting to note how Thanksgiving Eve has become an unofficial holiday. Hell, I remember when the day after Thanksgiving wasn't an official day off from work and now it is a given at most non-retail locations. (If you are in retail, sorry. Not for the lack of a day off; just sorry in general.) At least the four day weekend is sensible (who sets a holiday on a Thursday anyway) but the fact that Wednesday has become a de facto holiday is rather amazing. Did anyone get much accomplished today other than travelling. I don't want to sound like a curmudgeonly old man who talks about how he had to walk uphill both ways to school but you know what, those damn kids better get off my lawn.
(Ok, that may not have made sense. Sorry.)
Luckily this year is not a reunion year for me so I get to avoid any of those get togethers. Though in the age of Facebook high school reunions happen every five minutes. The only reason to attend is to see what everyone is up to and I already know that in extremely graphic detail along with how their farm is doing. When people decide what caused the downfall of Western Civilization I hope that at least a few people put in a few votes for Farmville.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Want to know what I am thankful for? The Polyphonic Spree covering Nirvana.
(Why people care about vampires and werewolves when the zombie apocalypse is fast approaching is beyond me. Ooh, vampires are dark and brooding. What good is that going to be when a zombie is tearing out your throat? All the Twilight series is doing is allowing people to dress as if they are Cure fans without having to actually listen to the Cure. Which when you think about it really isn't a bad thing.)
Switching gears it s always interesting to note how Thanksgiving Eve has become an unofficial holiday. Hell, I remember when the day after Thanksgiving wasn't an official day off from work and now it is a given at most non-retail locations. (If you are in retail, sorry. Not for the lack of a day off; just sorry in general.) At least the four day weekend is sensible (who sets a holiday on a Thursday anyway) but the fact that Wednesday has become a de facto holiday is rather amazing. Did anyone get much accomplished today other than travelling. I don't want to sound like a curmudgeonly old man who talks about how he had to walk uphill both ways to school but you know what, those damn kids better get off my lawn.
(Ok, that may not have made sense. Sorry.)
Luckily this year is not a reunion year for me so I get to avoid any of those get togethers. Though in the age of Facebook high school reunions happen every five minutes. The only reason to attend is to see what everyone is up to and I already know that in extremely graphic detail along with how their farm is doing. When people decide what caused the downfall of Western Civilization I hope that at least a few people put in a few votes for Farmville.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Want to know what I am thankful for? The Polyphonic Spree covering Nirvana.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Encouragement: South Bend Style
It only took three years but someone finally punched Jimmy Claussen in the face. It creates a nice bookend for his Notre Dame career. He starts it by getting out of a stretch limo in front of the College Football Hall of Fame and ends it by getting sucker punched at CJs.
For those who haven’t heard the story or are unfamiliar with the details of the South Bend bar scene I’ll try to fill you in. Jimmy Claussen, the 22 year old true junior quarterback…let me go off on that point for a moment. When I was 22 I had already graduated and was well into the first year of my job. Claussen is just starting his junior year. Does that strike anyone else as really, really bad? No wonder he looks like a stud compared to 18 year old defensive backs. Anyway, after the horrendous loss to UConn Jimmy was with his family at CJs having a nice dinner at two in the morning when he was assaulted by a disgruntled fan.
Now to put CJs in perspective the only times in my two years in South Bend that I can recall going there involve either a) Erik playing a gig there or b) bar golf and to be honest I can’t actually recall the night of bar golf. I just assume I was there. Basically it is a dive bar amongst dive bars only known for having a decent burger and being conveniently located next to the hospital. So you are there only if you feel like getting completely trashed. So it is at least a little odd that this is where we find young Jimmy.
Did he deserve to get punched in the face? Discounting the fact that every picture of him makes him look like a smug jerk and I would love to see the injury report read Claussen: Out (Douchebag) I really can’t blame the crappy season on him. It’s not his fault that the defense can’t tackle anybody. Or that the redzone offense consists of randomly throwing the ball in the air and hoping that someone tall catches it. Still, if you want a good understanding of the level of discontent in South Bend we are starting to beat up the players on our team who are actually good. Imagine what we are doing to the linebacking corps.
Remember everyone this is the time of year where we give thanks. As in “Thank God this season is over” and “Thankfully I will have an excuse to watch the Little Caesars’ Pizza Bowl this year.”
For those who haven’t heard the story or are unfamiliar with the details of the South Bend bar scene I’ll try to fill you in. Jimmy Claussen, the 22 year old true junior quarterback…let me go off on that point for a moment. When I was 22 I had already graduated and was well into the first year of my job. Claussen is just starting his junior year. Does that strike anyone else as really, really bad? No wonder he looks like a stud compared to 18 year old defensive backs. Anyway, after the horrendous loss to UConn Jimmy was with his family at CJs having a nice dinner at two in the morning when he was assaulted by a disgruntled fan.
Now to put CJs in perspective the only times in my two years in South Bend that I can recall going there involve either a) Erik playing a gig there or b) bar golf and to be honest I can’t actually recall the night of bar golf. I just assume I was there. Basically it is a dive bar amongst dive bars only known for having a decent burger and being conveniently located next to the hospital. So you are there only if you feel like getting completely trashed. So it is at least a little odd that this is where we find young Jimmy.
Did he deserve to get punched in the face? Discounting the fact that every picture of him makes him look like a smug jerk and I would love to see the injury report read Claussen: Out (Douchebag) I really can’t blame the crappy season on him. It’s not his fault that the defense can’t tackle anybody. Or that the redzone offense consists of randomly throwing the ball in the air and hoping that someone tall catches it. Still, if you want a good understanding of the level of discontent in South Bend we are starting to beat up the players on our team who are actually good. Imagine what we are doing to the linebacking corps.
Remember everyone this is the time of year where we give thanks. As in “Thank God this season is over” and “Thankfully I will have an excuse to watch the Little Caesars’ Pizza Bowl this year.”
Monday, November 23, 2009
Replace the fat cats with actual cats
Sometimes I just look at our government and shake my head in befuddlement. Actually, that is pretty much all I ever do with regards to politics. Maybe it is one of my weak points in that I never really take a hugely active role in the system. Sure I vote and everything but you never see me on the front lines arguing for policy, organizing protests or trying to get my voice heard much at all. On some level I guess I have always viewed myself as an observer away from the fray. It really isn’t the best way to handle the situation so I should probably change it.
Right now my biggest beef is with the entire health care debacle and that is really the only thing that you can call it. Every plan is ill conceived and too expensive and massive to be implemented and simultaneously we seem to be releasing standards that vary from nonsensical to unethical. I would never have expected anyone to ever suggest that preventative cancer screening is unnecessary. The best argument (outside of it would save money) is that it will reduce unnecessary anxiety due to false positives. Sure, that might be true but I think that is a small price to pay for what happens when real positives are missed. A month after everyone was focused on breast cancer awareness we now have government saying essentially that it isn’t a big deal. It would be comical if it wasn’t so serious.
Now I don’t think that health care reform will pass and I certainly hope that it doesn’t in its present form for two reasons. The first is that every proposal that I have seen does put us on the path to socialized medicine and once we start on that path we will not be able to stop. I’ve been in an emergency room in England and trust me I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through that experience. My bigger issue though is even simpler. We simply don’t have the money for a major overhaul right now.
If you viewed the US as a company right now you probably wouldn’t buy stock in it. There is way too much debt, we are constantly running a deficit and our production has shifted from tangible products to things like knowledge and information and “service.” It is a very dangerous change as while people will always need steel they may not always require knowledge and while only certain people can produce knowledge pretty much anyone can work at a mill. I really think it is one of the reasons behind the high unemployment. The blue collar jobs that were the backbone are now gone and those workers have nowhere to go.
This is what is bothering me about the current administration, which I must admit I did vote for and therefore really have no room to bitch for the next few years. In my mind, the immediate focus of the Obama camp should have been secure the economy, get the nation back on growth and fix the foreign policy situation. I can give them credit that the economy is secure in that the Dow isn’t at 4500 like I had feared but I’m still not sure what they did to cause it other than make sure the banks survived. But even with the Dow at 10,000 and a technical end to the recession I can’t see the economy as being in good shape. We have double digit unemployment and an incredibly weak dollar and no indication that either of those things are going to change in the near future. Add in the housing crisis that is continuing to snowball and we have a huge amount of immediate worries that are being pushed aside for a health care fight that really no one wants.
So what would I do if I was in DC? I’d cut bait on health care because it simply will not fly. Yes, it is a political hit but so is six more months of work for a bill that will not pass. I’d make a decision on Afghanistan (and please let it not be one where we half ass it to the point where we send just enough troops to accomplish nothing other than losing a lot of good soldiers) and make our intentions known. And I’d put all my focus and political capital on the economy and the long term finances of the country. Because right now if we don’t fix that part of the equation we are headed down a seriously bad slope.
Am I correct in my view? Don’t know. I just know that in the past year I can’t point to a single accomplishment that I can pin to the Dems and that makes me feel pretty sad given that I voted for them. I was not one who came into this thinking that the world would be transformed into a land of unicorns and rainbows but I thought that we would at least have some forward progress. Right now we are just spinning in a circle with the hope that once we stop that we will be pointing in the right direction.
Right now my biggest beef is with the entire health care debacle and that is really the only thing that you can call it. Every plan is ill conceived and too expensive and massive to be implemented and simultaneously we seem to be releasing standards that vary from nonsensical to unethical. I would never have expected anyone to ever suggest that preventative cancer screening is unnecessary. The best argument (outside of it would save money) is that it will reduce unnecessary anxiety due to false positives. Sure, that might be true but I think that is a small price to pay for what happens when real positives are missed. A month after everyone was focused on breast cancer awareness we now have government saying essentially that it isn’t a big deal. It would be comical if it wasn’t so serious.
Now I don’t think that health care reform will pass and I certainly hope that it doesn’t in its present form for two reasons. The first is that every proposal that I have seen does put us on the path to socialized medicine and once we start on that path we will not be able to stop. I’ve been in an emergency room in England and trust me I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through that experience. My bigger issue though is even simpler. We simply don’t have the money for a major overhaul right now.
If you viewed the US as a company right now you probably wouldn’t buy stock in it. There is way too much debt, we are constantly running a deficit and our production has shifted from tangible products to things like knowledge and information and “service.” It is a very dangerous change as while people will always need steel they may not always require knowledge and while only certain people can produce knowledge pretty much anyone can work at a mill. I really think it is one of the reasons behind the high unemployment. The blue collar jobs that were the backbone are now gone and those workers have nowhere to go.
This is what is bothering me about the current administration, which I must admit I did vote for and therefore really have no room to bitch for the next few years. In my mind, the immediate focus of the Obama camp should have been secure the economy, get the nation back on growth and fix the foreign policy situation. I can give them credit that the economy is secure in that the Dow isn’t at 4500 like I had feared but I’m still not sure what they did to cause it other than make sure the banks survived. But even with the Dow at 10,000 and a technical end to the recession I can’t see the economy as being in good shape. We have double digit unemployment and an incredibly weak dollar and no indication that either of those things are going to change in the near future. Add in the housing crisis that is continuing to snowball and we have a huge amount of immediate worries that are being pushed aside for a health care fight that really no one wants.
So what would I do if I was in DC? I’d cut bait on health care because it simply will not fly. Yes, it is a political hit but so is six more months of work for a bill that will not pass. I’d make a decision on Afghanistan (and please let it not be one where we half ass it to the point where we send just enough troops to accomplish nothing other than losing a lot of good soldiers) and make our intentions known. And I’d put all my focus and political capital on the economy and the long term finances of the country. Because right now if we don’t fix that part of the equation we are headed down a seriously bad slope.
Am I correct in my view? Don’t know. I just know that in the past year I can’t point to a single accomplishment that I can pin to the Dems and that makes me feel pretty sad given that I voted for them. I was not one who came into this thinking that the world would be transformed into a land of unicorns and rainbows but I thought that we would at least have some forward progress. Right now we are just spinning in a circle with the hope that once we stop that we will be pointing in the right direction.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Werewolves AND vampires?
Wasn’t New Moon amazing? I mean, I knew I was going to have to wait out in the cold Thursday night for the midnight showing but it was so worth it….
(While driving around this weekend I saw a minivan with “Honk if you are a New Moon fan” painted on the window. What a bunch of nerds and this is coming from a guy with his own stormtrooper costume. I’ll leave it with this: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; never underestimate the purchasing power of teenage girls.)
Glad to see that people enjoyed the Bon Jovi post. I hoped that it would go over well especially given that I have had to spend the past several days with that song running through my head. You can only hear yourself go “Oh ho!” so many times before you want to push a pencil in your ear to make it stop. Next one will most likely be either Poison or Whitesnake as hair metal seems to be an endless source of material.
Well I did force myself to watch the Notre Dame game over the weekend and I have to say that this has to be the end for Charlie Weis. He may have done a good job as a recruiter, particularly on offense, but I have never seen a coach lose so many winnable games. This isn’t a case of the team having .500 talent. There is no reason why this shouldn’t be a 9-3 team playing in the Gator Bowl based on talent alone. At some point you have to look at the head coach and go something is wrong.
Yes, it would help if we had anyone coaching or possibly even playing defense. I was thinking, have we had an NFL caliber linebacker since Rocky Boivan? Or an NFL cornerback since…since…I can’t even name the last one. You would think that defense would be our strong suit but outside of linemen like Justin Tuck we really haven’t been producing top talent on that side of the ball.
The good news is that Weis pretty much knows that he is done so there will not be much drama on that end. Plus, the ND job will be the highest profile job opening so we should be able to get the best of the possible candidates. I’m not sold on the Cincinnati coach, mainly because I can’t remember his name and being able to win in the Big East is not exactly something I consider to be that challenging. I would like Gruden but that is probably not going to happen. I’ll take a guy who gets the players to live up to their talent. That would be a good start.
Best of 120 Minutes: Keeping on the Notre Dame front, this was like one of the five good songs one could choose from the Backer jukebox back in my day. Which was 2002.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Polyphonic Spree “Together We’re heavy”
2) De La Soul “3 Feet High and Rising”
3) Harry Connick Jr. “We are in Love”
4) Caitlin Cary “While You Weren’t Looking”
5) Caitlin Cary “I’m Staying Out”
(While driving around this weekend I saw a minivan with “Honk if you are a New Moon fan” painted on the window. What a bunch of nerds and this is coming from a guy with his own stormtrooper costume. I’ll leave it with this: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; never underestimate the purchasing power of teenage girls.)
Glad to see that people enjoyed the Bon Jovi post. I hoped that it would go over well especially given that I have had to spend the past several days with that song running through my head. You can only hear yourself go “Oh ho!” so many times before you want to push a pencil in your ear to make it stop. Next one will most likely be either Poison or Whitesnake as hair metal seems to be an endless source of material.
Well I did force myself to watch the Notre Dame game over the weekend and I have to say that this has to be the end for Charlie Weis. He may have done a good job as a recruiter, particularly on offense, but I have never seen a coach lose so many winnable games. This isn’t a case of the team having .500 talent. There is no reason why this shouldn’t be a 9-3 team playing in the Gator Bowl based on talent alone. At some point you have to look at the head coach and go something is wrong.
Yes, it would help if we had anyone coaching or possibly even playing defense. I was thinking, have we had an NFL caliber linebacker since Rocky Boivan? Or an NFL cornerback since…since…I can’t even name the last one. You would think that defense would be our strong suit but outside of linemen like Justin Tuck we really haven’t been producing top talent on that side of the ball.
The good news is that Weis pretty much knows that he is done so there will not be much drama on that end. Plus, the ND job will be the highest profile job opening so we should be able to get the best of the possible candidates. I’m not sold on the Cincinnati coach, mainly because I can’t remember his name and being able to win in the Big East is not exactly something I consider to be that challenging. I would like Gruden but that is probably not going to happen. I’ll take a guy who gets the players to live up to their talent. That would be a good start.
Best of 120 Minutes: Keeping on the Notre Dame front, this was like one of the five good songs one could choose from the Backer jukebox back in my day. Which was 2002.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Polyphonic Spree “Together We’re heavy”
2) De La Soul “3 Feet High and Rising”
3) Harry Connick Jr. “We are in Love”
4) Caitlin Cary “While You Weren’t Looking”
5) Caitlin Cary “I’m Staying Out”
Thursday, November 19, 2009
80's Video Critical Interpretation: Lesson Two
Per a very vocal request here is a line by line deconstruction of one of the most popular songs of my high school (and well beyond) life: Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”.
Living on a Prayer
Lyrics by Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora and Desmond Child
Note #1: Desmond Child is a songwriter who is also responsible for “You Give Love a Bad Name” and “Living La Vida Loca.” Take that for what you will other than the fact that not all of the lyrical credit in this song can be given to Messrs. Sambora and Bon Jovi.
Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Much like a prologue in a Shakespearean drama, the opening couplet to the song is used to set the stage for the action to follow. In this case the scene is created that the song will be a fairy tale of sorts but one set in a more modern era. Hence we do not expect to find neither knights nor dragons nor imperial stormtroopers but we still anticipate a morality fable to arise over the next four minutes.
Tommy used to work on the docks
This lyric introduces us to the protagonist of the song who is clearly a blue collar worker due to the fact that a) he is a former dockworker and b) does not go by a more formal name such as Tom or Thomas. Also, it immediately raises the question of just how did Tommy lose his job working on the docks, which is answered in the next line.
Union’s been on strike
This provides us with more vital information on Tommy. He is clearly a member of the union, most likely the Teamsters, and given the assumed setting of New Jersey he may quite possibly know the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body. We can also assume a more Democratic leading political ideology that is being shaken due to the length of the strike.
He’s down on his luck it’s tough. So tough.
Here is the first instance in which the lyrics of the song break down from acceptable logic. First, we are led to believe that Tommy is out of work due to the union strike. However, as a union member Tommy could have prevented this via his vote or by taking a more vocal position in union matters and preventing or at a minimum, settling the strike. Also, as it appears that the union is not providing for its members during the strike Tommy should have had the forethought and initiative to prepare himself for such a situation if it would arise. Thus while it may be tough luck has absolutely nothing to do with it. A simple degree of financial planning and political activism would have made his problems rather inconsequential.
Gina works the diner all day
As is common it most forms of modern literature after the introduction of the male protagonist it is customary to introduce the female lead. In this instance it is Gina, a service industry employee and if one can suppose based on name and New Jersey residency most likely Italian. Clearly she either works double shifts or lies to Tommy about what she does all day.
Note #2: Until reading the lyrics I had always assumed that this line was “Gina wants to die of old age”, which, to be honest, is not exactly the type of lyric one expects in a pop rock song. That said, it is preferable to “Gina wishes to die in a freak Weed Whacker accident at 23.”
Working for her man
The meaning here is rather unclear. Does Tommy own the diner or is he simply a manager? Is there an almost pimp like aspect to their relationship? Or is she simply working while Tommy is sitting on his ass, drinking beer and watching the Mets game?
She brings home her pay for love. For love.
Again, we have to once again raise the strange implications of a pimp relationship here. Or that she needs to bring Tommy financial assistance for him to love her. Sure, one can read this as she is madly in love with him and would do everything, including pour coffee to truckers all day, in order to please him but you aren’t going to get a master’s in English if you view things that simply.
(Chorus begins)
She says we’ve got to hold on to what we got
Clearly Gina wears the pants in this relationship. She dictates what actions should be taken, shows the initiative that Tommy is sorely lacking, and possesses the financial acumen to understand that at this moment in time all unnecessary expenses are verboten.
‘Cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not
A slight change in tone here as a degree of realism or fatalism (depending on your point of view) comes into play. While she pleads for her and Tommy to hold on to their mutual possessions she also has succumbed to the reality that their actions will have no significant impact on their overall situation. Much like characters in a Kafka short story or a Beckett play they are totally at the whim of outside forces.
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
I wish to propose an alternate reading to this line than that published in most critical texts. Typically music scholars view this on a metaphorical level in that having each other in terms of a loving and caring relationship matters more than what any tangible asset (whether financial or material) could bring. I believe that this line should be read much more literally. Given the high level of obesity found in the state of New Jersey I believe that here the point is being made that by having each other they have a lot just in terms of pure mass.
For love we’ll give it a shot
This line is almost defeatist by nature. Instead of stating that all effort will be given due to the loving relationship they state that they will only make a token effort. Any degree of success is lessened by the sheer lack of determination.
We’re halfway there
In a rather interesting piece of songcraft this part of the chorus does not make any sense until the reading of the second verse. Nowhere in the song up to this point has a trip been mentioned so it is impossible to understand just where are we halfway to. This creates an air of mystery that has been sorely lacking to this point.
Livin’ on a prayer
Referencing again the poverty and dire situations that could have been easily avoided through better career management or not buying that new Camaro.
Take my hand and we’ll make it I swear
This may be the most troubling line of the entire song. Just a few lines earlier it was made clear that it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. But now one party is declaring to the gods above that they will make it even though it will apparently not make a difference. Is this a matter of effort for no reason other than pride? A delusion that they can impact events that are out of their control? A contrived reason to hold hands? The debate rages on.
Livin’ on a prayer
See above
(Second verse)
Tommy got his six string in hock
In an effort to increase his current cash assets Tommy has been forced to pawn his guitar. Now as Tommy’s music career has not been mentioned up to this point we can safely assume that he is not earning any income via his guitar. Thus while he was implored to hold on to what he’s got in this case it is a sensible solution to momentarily relieve himself of one of his assets in the name of greater liquidity.
Now he’s holding in
What he used to make talk so tough. It’s tough.
Along with poor career planning Tommy also has significant emotional issues. As shown in these lines Tommy can only profess emotions through his guitar and once removed he is psychologically shaken. Also note the fact that he used his guitar to talk tough in an effort to suppress a childhood trauma that he has yet to come to grips with.
Gina dreams of running away
A completely sensible dream for someone in a relationship with an emotionally stunted, unemployed man who is forced to live in New Jersey.
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers “Baby it’s okay. Someday.”
Personally, I do not agree with some of the other critics who take the crying to be symbolic of an abusive relationship. I find myself in the camp that the smog and pollution found in lower class areas would naturally create eye secretions in the evening hours. In this case Tommy is simply reassuring her of his belief that environmental regulations will soon pass Congress and thus greatly reduce the emissions of the nearby plants.
Repeat Chorus
Or, in the words of Herman’s Hermits “Second verse, same as the first.”
We’ve got to hold on, ready or not
Truly, this couple needs every excuse imaginable to just hold hands. Even if they did not prepare by washing beforehand or properly trimming their nails. Also, if it doesn’t make a difference would it really matter if they are ready or not?
You live for the fight when it’s all that you got
The moral of the tale in eleven words. If through lack of foresight all you have remaining is anger and resentment that is all your life will revolve around.
Repeat Chorus until either a) tight jeans begin to chafe or b) harness fails and you fall into the crowd
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
And I'm back... (again)
For those wondering, no I did not go into hiding after yet another Notre Dame defeat. Or even for Illinois losing the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk to Northwestern. Wait, it’s not the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk anymore? Do you mean that not only did we lose the Chief but we lost the Tomahawk as well? Who cares about playing for the Land of Lincoln trophy, which is apparently shaped like a stovepipe hat? I think the NCAA is doing everything it can to make Illini athletics even more depressing than it usually is.
Anyway, the reason for a lack of posts is that I was traveling for work and since I don’t have a laptop (and internet access in the hotel’s business center cost forty cents a minute) I didn’t have a chance to post. It is nice to know though that I am well on my way to being officially named a Road Warrior. All I need is my pair of spiked shoulder pads and I will be good to go.
I don’t know about anyone else but every once in a while I get hit with this irrational fear that I am landing at the wrong airport in the wrong city. Given how much I fly and the fact that I have never gotten on the wrong plane this would seem to be a rather low probability. Even so I still look out the window for some sign that I am in the right place even though for the most part every place looks the same. I will say that at least when I land in Philly I know that I am there; mainly because it is the only airport where your plane will be stuck in a fifteen minute traffic jam on the way back to the terminal.
But as a result of all of this I am just dead tired at the moment and really just want to crawl into bed. I’ll write more tomorrow and I promise some posts over the weekend to make up for the lack of content.
Random Note of the Day: Eggo shortages are expected in 2010. Prepare your hoarding techniques now or face the consequences. Leggo my Eggo will no longer be an empty threat.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Here is some My Morning Jacket (in tuxedo jackets, naturally) to brighten up the mood.
Anyway, the reason for a lack of posts is that I was traveling for work and since I don’t have a laptop (and internet access in the hotel’s business center cost forty cents a minute) I didn’t have a chance to post. It is nice to know though that I am well on my way to being officially named a Road Warrior. All I need is my pair of spiked shoulder pads and I will be good to go.
I don’t know about anyone else but every once in a while I get hit with this irrational fear that I am landing at the wrong airport in the wrong city. Given how much I fly and the fact that I have never gotten on the wrong plane this would seem to be a rather low probability. Even so I still look out the window for some sign that I am in the right place even though for the most part every place looks the same. I will say that at least when I land in Philly I know that I am there; mainly because it is the only airport where your plane will be stuck in a fifteen minute traffic jam on the way back to the terminal.
But as a result of all of this I am just dead tired at the moment and really just want to crawl into bed. I’ll write more tomorrow and I promise some posts over the weekend to make up for the lack of content.
Random Note of the Day: Eggo shortages are expected in 2010. Prepare your hoarding techniques now or face the consequences. Leggo my Eggo will no longer be an empty threat.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Here is some My Morning Jacket (in tuxedo jackets, naturally) to brighten up the mood.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Hoping for a bid in the Brut (by Faberge) Sun Bowl
I get the most wonderful things in the mail. Earlier this week due to my status as a regular donor I received my Notre Dame Football Bowl Game ticket application in which I could request tickets for Notre Dame’s appearance in either the Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta or BCS Championship Game. I am not making this up. Apparently the Notre Dame athletic department is holding on to the hope that all twenty five teams ranked in front of us lose all of their remaining games by fifty points apiece.
(In fact my only options for games that ND could possibly attend are the Cotton Bowl, the Gator Bowl (free DeBolt!), or the fabled “Any bowl not listed on this application, even if said bowl might be held in Detroit.”)
Let’s face it, like most Notre Dame fans I am rather dispirited after having to watch a second defeat to Navy in three years. It is great that we admire the students of the Naval Academy for their hard work and dedication and devotion to our country. That doesn’t mean that we should lose to them, though. And the fact is, though Notre Dame blew about a half dozen scoring opportunities in the game I can’t sit here and say that Notre Dame was the best team on the field. At some point you have to start looking at the coach.
I’m not going to get into the fundamentals here. The defense was horrible to the point of being non-existent and it has been that way for years. I don’t know why that is the case, if it is coaching or recruiting, but you would think that defense would be the hallmark of an ND team. It ties into the type of athlete we recruit. Smart, hardworking, tenacious, all of the qualities that make up a great defensive player. We might not get the best athletes but the ones that we do get should be the smartest and most dedicated guys that you could find.
That is really my biggest problem with the team. They do so many things that are the antithesis of what Notre Dame football should be about. Offensive lineman (and Jimmy Claussen) pick up stupid personal fouls. The snap count seems to be forgotten once a series. Coverages are blown and composure is lost. All of these are things that ND players should never do. We are really meant to be Navy with better athletes. We may not have the sheer talent of an Alabama but in a perfect world we would beat them through intelligence and discipline. Right now that thought seems rather laughable.
Basically I am done with the Charlie Weis experiment or as I like to call it “Life with Chaz.” He has never shown that he can beat a team that he isn’t expected to beat or consistently beat the opponent in an even match up. Sure he can develop offensive talent for the pros but they do not achieve what they are capable of in college. I just don’t see the leadership or even the creation of a team in his image. Maybe Gruden can come in and turn things around. I just hope that I don’t have to watch us lose to a team coached by Dave Freaking Waanstadt for a second year in a row.
(In fact my only options for games that ND could possibly attend are the Cotton Bowl, the Gator Bowl (free DeBolt!), or the fabled “Any bowl not listed on this application, even if said bowl might be held in Detroit.”)
Let’s face it, like most Notre Dame fans I am rather dispirited after having to watch a second defeat to Navy in three years. It is great that we admire the students of the Naval Academy for their hard work and dedication and devotion to our country. That doesn’t mean that we should lose to them, though. And the fact is, though Notre Dame blew about a half dozen scoring opportunities in the game I can’t sit here and say that Notre Dame was the best team on the field. At some point you have to start looking at the coach.
I’m not going to get into the fundamentals here. The defense was horrible to the point of being non-existent and it has been that way for years. I don’t know why that is the case, if it is coaching or recruiting, but you would think that defense would be the hallmark of an ND team. It ties into the type of athlete we recruit. Smart, hardworking, tenacious, all of the qualities that make up a great defensive player. We might not get the best athletes but the ones that we do get should be the smartest and most dedicated guys that you could find.
That is really my biggest problem with the team. They do so many things that are the antithesis of what Notre Dame football should be about. Offensive lineman (and Jimmy Claussen) pick up stupid personal fouls. The snap count seems to be forgotten once a series. Coverages are blown and composure is lost. All of these are things that ND players should never do. We are really meant to be Navy with better athletes. We may not have the sheer talent of an Alabama but in a perfect world we would beat them through intelligence and discipline. Right now that thought seems rather laughable.
Basically I am done with the Charlie Weis experiment or as I like to call it “Life with Chaz.” He has never shown that he can beat a team that he isn’t expected to beat or consistently beat the opponent in an even match up. Sure he can develop offensive talent for the pros but they do not achieve what they are capable of in college. I just don’t see the leadership or even the creation of a team in his image. Maybe Gruden can come in and turn things around. I just hope that I don’t have to watch us lose to a team coached by Dave Freaking Waanstadt for a second year in a row.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
80's Video Critical Interpretation: Lesson One
In what may or may not become a recurring feature on the blog I am going to take one video from the 1980’s and truly dive into the treasure trove of symbolism and clichés held within. Tonight we will start with Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages.”
· First off, does anyone else find it strange watching a Def Leppard video in which the drummer has the use of both of his arms? We’re at the point now where a one armed drummer is considered the norm.
· The video starts off with the classic chorus of monks singing “Glooper Gleebum Glotten Globun”, which is Olde English for “Let’s hope this looks cool in twenty five years.”
· The monks appear from time to time throughout the video to provide a chorus. Typically bands would have scantily clad women perform this role but Def Leppard kept it real. They knew what their fans wanted and they wanted hooded monks.
· I have no idea why at one point the main image is of the guitarist’s ass in tight white jeans. That said, this video was made during an era where Judas Priest made videos featuring the band in studded leather and no one questioned the meaning of that at all.
· The primary portion of the video is your classic early eighties performance piece in which the band acts as though they are performing. Which would be true except that none of the instruments are plugged in, there are no monitors on the stage and they clearly aren’t on the same beat. Except for the drummer of course because no one could ever figure out how to fake hitting a cymbal.
· Keeping with the monks we also have the damsel in distress chained to some sort of tree like thing. This implies a whole dragon slayer motif that becomes especially clear when the lead singer pulls out a sword.
· Let’s examine the sword in more detail. First off, it is pretty clear what the sword symbolizes. Large, straight objects held at crotch level typically have only one meaning especially when they are so comically large that they would be a rather ineffective weapon in warfare against dragons. But more importantly, why did the lead singer grab a sword? I know it was the 80’s but wouldn’t there be a better item in the arsenal to defeat a fire breathing lizard?
· And in the most classic scene, the singer lays down his sword for it to become a guitar, thus showing that the guitar is the modern version of the sword and that the band are the metaphorical recreations of knights and thus should get all of the maidens to show them their wares backstage after the show. However, this doesn’t address the fact that the lead singer ends up with a guitar that he cannot play. I mean, what the hell is he going to do with it? Wouldn’t he want a mic stand instead?
· In the end the maiden is freed, the monks continue singing, and the band realizes that in the video for Photograph they really need to up the amount of scantily clad women.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
We can enter kindergarten now!
Break out the cake and streamers! Put on the fanciful party hats! Prepare a plate of the finest meats and cheeses in all the land! Battling the Current has turned five years old!
Yes, in an accomplishment that even I have a hard time believing I have now been running this blog for five years. That encompasses 1,290 posts, somewhere around 800,000 words and an obsession with Lindsay Lohan that has seen her go from starring in Mean Girls to getting arrested in Hollywood to being unable to get arrested in Hollywood. She has gone from a hot young starlet worthy of a crush to someone who even looking at her picture online makes you wonder if you need a shot of penicillin. Just shows what five years can do to somebody.
I, on the other hand, have aged rather well. As I’ve said on many occasions I don’t think I ever expected the blog to turn out the way it has. I didn’t exactly start it as a lark (as I knew precisely what I wanted to do with it) but I never anticipated having enough material to write about night after night after night. Sure, I kept a writer’s journal but I didn’t expect anyone would actually want to read it. Now over the course of a month I have hits from every continent and a surprisingly large fan base in Norway. (Shout out to my Norwegians! Johann Olav Koss rules!) I look at the hit map daily and I am amazed by it every time.
I find it fascinating to look back over the archives and see just what I was writing about at any point in time. You can get a glimpse into what was on my mind, what was going on in the world or just get a sense of time and place. That is the wonder of writing every day; it does provide you with a record of your life. True, most people don’t share theirs with the entire world but it is very worthwhile.
I will say that it has changed over the years. I really feel that my writing style has improved and that the humor flows a little easier now. I have increased the multimedia aspects and would still like to do more of that. But most of all I think I have found my voice. I know what I want to write about and how to make it work. I always dreamed of being a novelist but in reality I think what I am best at is precisely what I am doing. I know how to write short essays filled with self-deprecating humor that expose some facts on modern life. I may not have written a novel yet but I have this to my credit.
There is one change that has occurred over the past year and as always Glen Hansard explains it better than I do. I read an interview with him today and he mentioned “When you are sad you write pages in your diary. On your happiest days the pages are blank.” Some people may have noticed that the blog has had more than a few blank pages over this past year and for good reason. I am happier with my life now than I can ever recall. I am dating the woman of my dreams, I have a job that challenges me and my life finally seems to be in order. That wasn’t the case when I started this. In fact, it was pretty much the exact opposite. It is amazing what can happen to someone in a few years time and it is nice to know that this site documents it.
To everyone, thanks for reading this and commenting and just taking a second to check out my little corner of cyberspace. I’m going to keep on writing until I come up with a good reason to stop. But I figure I have to hit a million words now. Too close to stop.
Oh, and my gift to you is I am opening the blog again for questions or post ideas. Any lingering questions on your mind? Do you need to know how a thermos can keep coffee hot and lemonade cold? Just send them my way.
Yes, in an accomplishment that even I have a hard time believing I have now been running this blog for five years. That encompasses 1,290 posts, somewhere around 800,000 words and an obsession with Lindsay Lohan that has seen her go from starring in Mean Girls to getting arrested in Hollywood to being unable to get arrested in Hollywood. She has gone from a hot young starlet worthy of a crush to someone who even looking at her picture online makes you wonder if you need a shot of penicillin. Just shows what five years can do to somebody.
I, on the other hand, have aged rather well. As I’ve said on many occasions I don’t think I ever expected the blog to turn out the way it has. I didn’t exactly start it as a lark (as I knew precisely what I wanted to do with it) but I never anticipated having enough material to write about night after night after night. Sure, I kept a writer’s journal but I didn’t expect anyone would actually want to read it. Now over the course of a month I have hits from every continent and a surprisingly large fan base in Norway. (Shout out to my Norwegians! Johann Olav Koss rules!) I look at the hit map daily and I am amazed by it every time.
I find it fascinating to look back over the archives and see just what I was writing about at any point in time. You can get a glimpse into what was on my mind, what was going on in the world or just get a sense of time and place. That is the wonder of writing every day; it does provide you with a record of your life. True, most people don’t share theirs with the entire world but it is very worthwhile.
I will say that it has changed over the years. I really feel that my writing style has improved and that the humor flows a little easier now. I have increased the multimedia aspects and would still like to do more of that. But most of all I think I have found my voice. I know what I want to write about and how to make it work. I always dreamed of being a novelist but in reality I think what I am best at is precisely what I am doing. I know how to write short essays filled with self-deprecating humor that expose some facts on modern life. I may not have written a novel yet but I have this to my credit.
There is one change that has occurred over the past year and as always Glen Hansard explains it better than I do. I read an interview with him today and he mentioned “When you are sad you write pages in your diary. On your happiest days the pages are blank.” Some people may have noticed that the blog has had more than a few blank pages over this past year and for good reason. I am happier with my life now than I can ever recall. I am dating the woman of my dreams, I have a job that challenges me and my life finally seems to be in order. That wasn’t the case when I started this. In fact, it was pretty much the exact opposite. It is amazing what can happen to someone in a few years time and it is nice to know that this site documents it.
To everyone, thanks for reading this and commenting and just taking a second to check out my little corner of cyberspace. I’m going to keep on writing until I come up with a good reason to stop. But I figure I have to hit a million words now. Too close to stop.
Oh, and my gift to you is I am opening the blog again for questions or post ideas. Any lingering questions on your mind? Do you need to know how a thermos can keep coffee hot and lemonade cold? Just send them my way.
Monday, November 09, 2009
A nation of ignorance
(Apologies for the picture quality. This is what you get when all you have on hand is a four year old camera phone.)
I’ve been wondering about whether or not the average American has become dumber recently. This sign really seemed to symbolize what I am seeing much too often. It was on the elevator at the Shop Rite near my apartment and no, I don’t know why a grocery store requires an elevator. I was stunned when I saw it because the terminology used could only imply one of two things: 1) the author did not know the phrase “Out of Order” or 2) the author realized that most of the people in the store would not understand what “Out of Order” meant and had to describe it instead.
Is it me or this one of the most depressing things that you have ever seen? I mean, we are not talking about high level reasoning here. We are not looking for the use of integral calculus or a well thought out critique on the role of Ophelia in Hamlet. Just a three word sign indicating that one elevator is not operating properly. Yet even something that simple, something so basic that I cannot recall a time where I would not understand the phrase, seems completely beyond the comprehension of the typical Delaware resident.
I am seeing this more and more often. It is almost as though the logic in the movie Idiocracy is coming true. Evolution is now working in reverse. Instead of a continual striving towards excellence we are in a race towards the bottom. Intelligence is no longer a desired trait. It has become an evolutionary disadvantage.
It really does bother me how society really does have a negative view towards intelligence and reason. I still remember the first time I saw the “My kid beats up your honor student” bumper sticker. Given that I was an honor student who had to work to avoid his share of beatings I really can’t stand things like this. Striving to be smart, to do well in school and being excellent in your endeavors is something that should be applauded. If I am the best in my school on the football field I am a hero. If I am the best in the classroom I am the jerk who ruined the curve. In school people really did yell at me for doing my best on a test and making them look bad. Imagine if I told the quarterback to suck more so I would look better in comparison. What do you think the reaction would be then?
Some people may say that I am being silly and using high school as an analogy for the rest of my life but I really feel that this hatred of knowledge is perpetrating all aspects of society. How many people are afraid of vaccinations because they believe that it is all some sort of scientific plot? They’d rather risk their lives or the lives of their loved ones than trust knowledge and reason. How many people cling to beliefs that are really no more than superstitions? Walk down the store aisles, watch the infomercials and see how the market plays on people’s ignorance and fear. News coverage on all fronts has become little more than fear mongering. It really makes me worry about the state of our society. I don’t want to be part of the last generation of people who can truly consider themselves to be intelligent.
Now excuse me, I have to go watch my tape of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.
I’ve been wondering about whether or not the average American has become dumber recently. This sign really seemed to symbolize what I am seeing much too often. It was on the elevator at the Shop Rite near my apartment and no, I don’t know why a grocery store requires an elevator. I was stunned when I saw it because the terminology used could only imply one of two things: 1) the author did not know the phrase “Out of Order” or 2) the author realized that most of the people in the store would not understand what “Out of Order” meant and had to describe it instead.
Is it me or this one of the most depressing things that you have ever seen? I mean, we are not talking about high level reasoning here. We are not looking for the use of integral calculus or a well thought out critique on the role of Ophelia in Hamlet. Just a three word sign indicating that one elevator is not operating properly. Yet even something that simple, something so basic that I cannot recall a time where I would not understand the phrase, seems completely beyond the comprehension of the typical Delaware resident.
I am seeing this more and more often. It is almost as though the logic in the movie Idiocracy is coming true. Evolution is now working in reverse. Instead of a continual striving towards excellence we are in a race towards the bottom. Intelligence is no longer a desired trait. It has become an evolutionary disadvantage.
It really does bother me how society really does have a negative view towards intelligence and reason. I still remember the first time I saw the “My kid beats up your honor student” bumper sticker. Given that I was an honor student who had to work to avoid his share of beatings I really can’t stand things like this. Striving to be smart, to do well in school and being excellent in your endeavors is something that should be applauded. If I am the best in my school on the football field I am a hero. If I am the best in the classroom I am the jerk who ruined the curve. In school people really did yell at me for doing my best on a test and making them look bad. Imagine if I told the quarterback to suck more so I would look better in comparison. What do you think the reaction would be then?
Some people may say that I am being silly and using high school as an analogy for the rest of my life but I really feel that this hatred of knowledge is perpetrating all aspects of society. How many people are afraid of vaccinations because they believe that it is all some sort of scientific plot? They’d rather risk their lives or the lives of their loved ones than trust knowledge and reason. How many people cling to beliefs that are really no more than superstitions? Walk down the store aisles, watch the infomercials and see how the market plays on people’s ignorance and fear. News coverage on all fronts has become little more than fear mongering. It really makes me worry about the state of our society. I don’t want to be part of the last generation of people who can truly consider themselves to be intelligent.
Now excuse me, I have to go watch my tape of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Candy Everybody Wants
As I mentioned last week one of the strange aspects of the 21st Century version of Halloween is that everyone buys candy for trick or treaters who do not appear because everyone is afraid of sending their kids out to get candy from strangers. This leaves adults with a glut of candy that tends to end up in their offices. My company has decided that the wise solution is to donate that candy in an effort to…promote obesity? I’m not quite certain who benefits from candy donations. Anyway, this is all just a wonderful reason for me to reminisce about some of the candy that I obtained in my trick or treating prime.
Candy Corn: I may be the only person on the planet who actually enjoys candy corn. I could eat it all day. In the middle of July I will see a bag of candy corn in the store that has clearly been there for nine months and have to be physically restrained from buying it. This despite the fact that candy corn has no discernable taste or even reason to exist. I just consider it to be the physical embodiment of awesomeness. Also, I really do have to wonder about why we are donating candy corn to the poor as it is like going, “Sorry you can’t have real vegetables but here is a confectionary vision of what vegetables are like.”
Circus Peanuts: In the history of the planet no one has ever eaten a circus peanut. I believe that they may be the least popular candy ever made. In fact, I don’t even know if they technically make them. I think that they made one batch in 1967 and they have sat on store shelves ever since. If you went into a store and put a note on the back of a bag of circus peanuts and returned in a year that same bag would still be there. Please, if any of my worldwide readers can profess to being a fan of this item let it be known in the comments.
Nerds: Ah, one of the candies of the gods. Now, as someone who was called a nerd his entire childhood (shocking, I know) I was at first a little hesitant about a candy called Nerds. I mean it is just another opening for wet willies and the dreaded rear admiral. But, Nerds were absolutely kick ass. You got two flavors that you could either enjoy on their own or in combination and the entire thing was basically pure sugar. Even better was the fact that it wasn’t something that you would down in thirty seconds. A candy bar is finished in moments but a box of Nerds could last you an entire day. Best fifty cents you could ever spend.
Whatchamacalit: Is it a chocolate bar? Is it a peanut butter bar? Is it one of those damn Fiber One bars that I am now forced to eat as an adult in an effort to become “regular?” No one knows. It is the glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction of candy bars. Everyone has theories but there is no conclusive proof.
Rolos: The favorite of dentists everywhere. In fact, I have always assumed that most of the candy industry is funded by dentists in a wonderful perpetual cycle of tooth decay. Nothing can be more tasty and more damaging than the Rolo. Just gooey caramel and chocolate that will stick to your molars and you can actually feel it tear the enamel away and you just don’t care. I mean, it is freaking caramel! You would drink a glass of the stuff if you could.
Dr. Pepper: Wait you say. Dr. Pepper isn’t candy? That may be true everywhere except in wonderful Berwyn where as a kid one of our neighbors would on Halloween give each of us a can of Dr. Pepper. I swear I am not making this up. All of my brothers can attest to this fact. I have never understood why this was the case or why none of us ever questioned it. I love my hometown but you have to admit this might explain why I ended up being someone who you wouldn’t describe as typical.
Best of 120 Minutes: I don’t know if the Freddy Jones Band ever appeared on 120 Minutes but I listened to them in college so I figured that it would be a good match. Plus I believe that this video captures every early 90’s video cliché imaginable. Out of focus band shots? Check. Angsty slow motion? Check. Unnecessary use of blue screen? Check. Great band though.
The five random CDs of the week (new car, same story):
1) Loreena McKennitt “The Book of Secrets”
2) Gillian Welch “Time (The Revelator)”
3) Son Volt “American Central Dust”
4) The Iguanas “Super Ball”
5) Jay Bennett and Edward Burch “The Palace at 4 AM (Part One)”
Candy Corn: I may be the only person on the planet who actually enjoys candy corn. I could eat it all day. In the middle of July I will see a bag of candy corn in the store that has clearly been there for nine months and have to be physically restrained from buying it. This despite the fact that candy corn has no discernable taste or even reason to exist. I just consider it to be the physical embodiment of awesomeness. Also, I really do have to wonder about why we are donating candy corn to the poor as it is like going, “Sorry you can’t have real vegetables but here is a confectionary vision of what vegetables are like.”
Circus Peanuts: In the history of the planet no one has ever eaten a circus peanut. I believe that they may be the least popular candy ever made. In fact, I don’t even know if they technically make them. I think that they made one batch in 1967 and they have sat on store shelves ever since. If you went into a store and put a note on the back of a bag of circus peanuts and returned in a year that same bag would still be there. Please, if any of my worldwide readers can profess to being a fan of this item let it be known in the comments.
Nerds: Ah, one of the candies of the gods. Now, as someone who was called a nerd his entire childhood (shocking, I know) I was at first a little hesitant about a candy called Nerds. I mean it is just another opening for wet willies and the dreaded rear admiral. But, Nerds were absolutely kick ass. You got two flavors that you could either enjoy on their own or in combination and the entire thing was basically pure sugar. Even better was the fact that it wasn’t something that you would down in thirty seconds. A candy bar is finished in moments but a box of Nerds could last you an entire day. Best fifty cents you could ever spend.
Whatchamacalit: Is it a chocolate bar? Is it a peanut butter bar? Is it one of those damn Fiber One bars that I am now forced to eat as an adult in an effort to become “regular?” No one knows. It is the glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction of candy bars. Everyone has theories but there is no conclusive proof.
Rolos: The favorite of dentists everywhere. In fact, I have always assumed that most of the candy industry is funded by dentists in a wonderful perpetual cycle of tooth decay. Nothing can be more tasty and more damaging than the Rolo. Just gooey caramel and chocolate that will stick to your molars and you can actually feel it tear the enamel away and you just don’t care. I mean, it is freaking caramel! You would drink a glass of the stuff if you could.
Dr. Pepper: Wait you say. Dr. Pepper isn’t candy? That may be true everywhere except in wonderful Berwyn where as a kid one of our neighbors would on Halloween give each of us a can of Dr. Pepper. I swear I am not making this up. All of my brothers can attest to this fact. I have never understood why this was the case or why none of us ever questioned it. I love my hometown but you have to admit this might explain why I ended up being someone who you wouldn’t describe as typical.
Best of 120 Minutes: I don’t know if the Freddy Jones Band ever appeared on 120 Minutes but I listened to them in college so I figured that it would be a good match. Plus I believe that this video captures every early 90’s video cliché imaginable. Out of focus band shots? Check. Angsty slow motion? Check. Unnecessary use of blue screen? Check. Great band though.
The five random CDs of the week (new car, same story):
1) Loreena McKennitt “The Book of Secrets”
2) Gillian Welch “Time (The Revelator)”
3) Son Volt “American Central Dust”
4) The Iguanas “Super Ball”
5) Jay Bennett and Edward Burch “The Palace at 4 AM (Part One)”
Thursday, November 05, 2009
And you've won a brand new car!
Well I’ve finally done it. I’ve broken down and purchased a new car. Mainly because my old car had broken down as well. Let me explain the entire process.
As I may have mentioned before I have had an issue with my passenger side window. As in it had fallen off the track and now was unable to move. (The moment that it first fell off may have coincided with Kim trying to lower it though I blame eight years of wear over her actions.) Now for the past few months this was crappy but manageable. I’d push the window up so that it was as flush as could be and a week later it slides down, I spend a drive with more wind than I would like and I push it back up again. That worked great until last night when I took a turn that caused the window to fall completely off the track and go down into the depths of the door where it could not be returned leaving me sans a window.
If I lived in a more temperate climate this may not be so bad. It would at least be manageable and since I never keep anything of value in my car it is not like I was at risk of anything being taken. However, Delaware in November is rather cold and rainy and that makes the act of driving to work rather painful when you have one window rolled down in forty degree weather. Hence, it was time to buy a new car.
For the record I’ve been planning to buy a new car for months. My Grand Am was eight years old with just under 84,000 miles on it, all of which I had driven. She still ran well and someone is going to end up with a nice car when they fix her up but it was time for me to say goodbye. And yes, I did literally have to go and say goodbye when I traded her in. Think about it: that car was with me every moment from when I went to Notre Dame to today. That is a pretty sizable chunk of my life spent in the comfortable, if stained, seats.
So I went to my local Ford dealer to pick up a car. I chose Ford for two simple reasons. One, I’m not a communist so I buy American. I had been a GM guy but given that Ford has been doing well and I don’t trust GM at the moment they had my vote. Plus, Kim is from a Ford family and if I have learned anything in life is that you keep the family happy. Not that I would have chosen differently even if she wasn’t but let’s face it, after the whole paying for dinner fiasco of a few years ago I now try to be as conscious as possible about these things.
What did I buy? I am now the proud owner of a Ford Taurus and trust me, this isn’t one of those old Taurus’s that you probably drove in Driver’s Ed. This car is pretty freaking sweet. Great pickup, nice engine, stylish as all get out. I am really psyched about owning this car. Officially I am going to refer to it as the Taunton. Partly because I used it to escape from the cold and partly because there is a glow in the dark emergency latch in the trunk that will allow me to escape from the inside. Hence I literally can crawl up inside the belly of the car if need be to protect myself from the weather on Hoth and then escape in the morning. What better reason to buy a car than that?
As I may have mentioned before I have had an issue with my passenger side window. As in it had fallen off the track and now was unable to move. (The moment that it first fell off may have coincided with Kim trying to lower it though I blame eight years of wear over her actions.) Now for the past few months this was crappy but manageable. I’d push the window up so that it was as flush as could be and a week later it slides down, I spend a drive with more wind than I would like and I push it back up again. That worked great until last night when I took a turn that caused the window to fall completely off the track and go down into the depths of the door where it could not be returned leaving me sans a window.
If I lived in a more temperate climate this may not be so bad. It would at least be manageable and since I never keep anything of value in my car it is not like I was at risk of anything being taken. However, Delaware in November is rather cold and rainy and that makes the act of driving to work rather painful when you have one window rolled down in forty degree weather. Hence, it was time to buy a new car.
For the record I’ve been planning to buy a new car for months. My Grand Am was eight years old with just under 84,000 miles on it, all of which I had driven. She still ran well and someone is going to end up with a nice car when they fix her up but it was time for me to say goodbye. And yes, I did literally have to go and say goodbye when I traded her in. Think about it: that car was with me every moment from when I went to Notre Dame to today. That is a pretty sizable chunk of my life spent in the comfortable, if stained, seats.
So I went to my local Ford dealer to pick up a car. I chose Ford for two simple reasons. One, I’m not a communist so I buy American. I had been a GM guy but given that Ford has been doing well and I don’t trust GM at the moment they had my vote. Plus, Kim is from a Ford family and if I have learned anything in life is that you keep the family happy. Not that I would have chosen differently even if she wasn’t but let’s face it, after the whole paying for dinner fiasco of a few years ago I now try to be as conscious as possible about these things.
What did I buy? I am now the proud owner of a Ford Taurus and trust me, this isn’t one of those old Taurus’s that you probably drove in Driver’s Ed. This car is pretty freaking sweet. Great pickup, nice engine, stylish as all get out. I am really psyched about owning this car. Officially I am going to refer to it as the Taunton. Partly because I used it to escape from the cold and partly because there is a glow in the dark emergency latch in the trunk that will allow me to escape from the inside. Hence I literally can crawl up inside the belly of the car if need be to protect myself from the weather on Hoth and then escape in the morning. What better reason to buy a car than that?
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
The unwritten rules of pro wrestling
· Victory can either be by pinfall, submission, countout or disqualification
· Submission can be signaled by the wrestler tapping out or by the referee lifting the wrestler’s arm and dropping it three times without the wrestler keeping it raised, thus signaling that the wrestler is unconscious. In the history of pro wrestling this has never happened. Every single time the wrestler will let his arm fall twice and on the third try start his comeback.
· If one wrestler offers to shake another wrestler’s hand the other wrestler will look at the crowd using their reaction as to whether to shake hands or not.
· If they do shake hands, within thirty seconds somebody is getting punched.
· If a birthday cake is brought into the ring someone is going to be shoved into the case. Likewise, all trophies carried into the ring will likewise be broken over someone’s head before the end of the match.
· The strongest substance in pro wrestling is the championship belt. Being hit with the belt will cause immediate unconsciousness even if the other wrestler had spent the past thirty minutes seemingly impervious to being dropped on his head or smacked in the face with a steel chair.
· The second strongest substance in pro wrestling is the skull of a Samoan wrestler. It is assumed to have something to do with the fact that they are unable to wear shoes.
· Under no circumstances are wrestlers allowed to acknowledge the camera crew in the backstage segments in which they reveal their nefarious plot to attack another wrestler.
· Likewise, none of the wrestlers backstage watch the show that they are currently appearing on in order to realize that “Hey, those guys just mentioned that they planned on jumping me in the parking lot. I think I should be cautious when I go out there.”
· Newton’s First Law of Wrestling: Force equals mass times acceleration times the number of flips in the air
· Einstein’s Corollary: The cooler it looks, the more it hurts
· If a good guy starts to grow facial hair it means that he is about to become a bad guy.
· Foreign wrestlers are by nature evil no matter where they are actually from. Thus we can hate Nikolai Volkoff even though he is from Detroit. Or better yet the case of Ludvig Borga, a wrestler from Finland who played the role of evil foreign monster even though no one in the crowd could figure out precisely why we were supposed to hate Finland.
· If a wrestler comes to the ring without entrance music he is going to lose
· Touching a referee will render him unconscious for a good five minutes. However, he will regain consciousness just in time for the match to have a proper finish.
· If a match is announced as having a time limit said match will be a time limit draw. (Sadly, we have done away with time limits in pro wrestling as well as the announcing of home town and weight. Thus we no longer have wrestlers hailing from parts unknown with weight unknown. Parts unknown I always understood but how can you have weight unknown? Is the guy deathly afraid of a scale?)
· Russian wrestlers always lose Russian Chain matches. However, wrestlers with a “dog” nickname will always win dog collar matches.
Wednesday Night Music Club: In honor of their new album here is a Swell Season song.
· Submission can be signaled by the wrestler tapping out or by the referee lifting the wrestler’s arm and dropping it three times without the wrestler keeping it raised, thus signaling that the wrestler is unconscious. In the history of pro wrestling this has never happened. Every single time the wrestler will let his arm fall twice and on the third try start his comeback.
· If one wrestler offers to shake another wrestler’s hand the other wrestler will look at the crowd using their reaction as to whether to shake hands or not.
· If they do shake hands, within thirty seconds somebody is getting punched.
· If a birthday cake is brought into the ring someone is going to be shoved into the case. Likewise, all trophies carried into the ring will likewise be broken over someone’s head before the end of the match.
· The strongest substance in pro wrestling is the championship belt. Being hit with the belt will cause immediate unconsciousness even if the other wrestler had spent the past thirty minutes seemingly impervious to being dropped on his head or smacked in the face with a steel chair.
· The second strongest substance in pro wrestling is the skull of a Samoan wrestler. It is assumed to have something to do with the fact that they are unable to wear shoes.
· Under no circumstances are wrestlers allowed to acknowledge the camera crew in the backstage segments in which they reveal their nefarious plot to attack another wrestler.
· Likewise, none of the wrestlers backstage watch the show that they are currently appearing on in order to realize that “Hey, those guys just mentioned that they planned on jumping me in the parking lot. I think I should be cautious when I go out there.”
· Newton’s First Law of Wrestling: Force equals mass times acceleration times the number of flips in the air
· Einstein’s Corollary: The cooler it looks, the more it hurts
· If a good guy starts to grow facial hair it means that he is about to become a bad guy.
· Foreign wrestlers are by nature evil no matter where they are actually from. Thus we can hate Nikolai Volkoff even though he is from Detroit. Or better yet the case of Ludvig Borga, a wrestler from Finland who played the role of evil foreign monster even though no one in the crowd could figure out precisely why we were supposed to hate Finland.
· If a wrestler comes to the ring without entrance music he is going to lose
· Touching a referee will render him unconscious for a good five minutes. However, he will regain consciousness just in time for the match to have a proper finish.
· If a match is announced as having a time limit said match will be a time limit draw. (Sadly, we have done away with time limits in pro wrestling as well as the announcing of home town and weight. Thus we no longer have wrestlers hailing from parts unknown with weight unknown. Parts unknown I always understood but how can you have weight unknown? Is the guy deathly afraid of a scale?)
· Russian wrestlers always lose Russian Chain matches. However, wrestlers with a “dog” nickname will always win dog collar matches.
Wednesday Night Music Club: In honor of their new album here is a Swell Season song.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Music on a personal level
I read Nick Hornby’s latest novel “Juliet, Naked” this weekend and like most of Nick’s work it is an absolute masterpiece. To be honest if there is any writer that I would like to be like it would be Nick Hornby as his books center around music, relationships and literature and how they all interact. His latest is no exception as one of its central themes is that of being a music fan and the connection that one can create to music.
Of all the art forms, music may be the one that creates the most intensely personal reaction between the artist and the consumer. I think that it is because at its core music is mainly consumed on a very personal level. When you put on your headphones music becomes an entirely solo experience. Only you are hearing that song at precisely that moment and no one around you can even tell what you are listening to. The act of listening alone changes the facets of a song, which is why listening to a band live is so much different than listening to an album. It is not just the fact that the slick production is missing; listening with others changes the way a song sounds.
Compare this to other media. Movies are meant to be viewed with other people, which is why a comedy is never quite as funny at home as in the theater. Laughter is contagious or so say the people who put laugh tracks on television shows. Television is also more of a group experience and most other performance arts require a crowd. But music is pretty unique in that it can really be an intimate experience with mass produced content.
(Yes, I know I should put books in the same category as music here especially given there is no concert analogue for literature. No one is going, “Dude, did you listen to that Tom Wolfe book reading bootleg I sent you?” A lot of these arguments would fit for books as well. Just go with me for a moment. I mean, what is a good song other than a poem with a good beat.)
What the intimacy of music allows for is a connection between the fan and the artist that no other media can match. A song can speak to you, can be used to inspire you, can become the soundtrack for your life. It can be an enigma in which you spend hours trying to decipher every last meaning. Certain artists become parallels for your own life with their records seeming to tie to every moment you encounter. For me I can say things like “The only thing that kept me going in 1998 were Kelly Willis CDs” or “Every time I listen to Josh Rouse something good happens” and mean every word of it. There is a connection there that can’t be denied and that I have never felt from a movie or a TV show.
The strange thing though is that most, if not all, of that connection comes from the fans themselves. When Kelly Willis recorded “What I Deserve” she did not do so in order to provide me personally with music that made my life worthwhile. She created great songs, songs that she felt had meaning and heart, and hoped that someone out there would listen to them. But the meaning and importance that I put into them are all my own. Same as people do with Bon Jovi songs or Bruce Springsteen tracks or god forbid the latest Creed album. Music creates fans who feel an incredibly personal connection to the music even though it may be one the musician never intended.
Nick Hornby understands that nature of being a fan of music. Yes, sometimes it is very geeky to spend all of your life centered around little discs or computer files that you use to define who you are as a person. But to be honest, I’ll still listen to Kelly after a hard day at the office. At times, music is all you need.
Of all the art forms, music may be the one that creates the most intensely personal reaction between the artist and the consumer. I think that it is because at its core music is mainly consumed on a very personal level. When you put on your headphones music becomes an entirely solo experience. Only you are hearing that song at precisely that moment and no one around you can even tell what you are listening to. The act of listening alone changes the facets of a song, which is why listening to a band live is so much different than listening to an album. It is not just the fact that the slick production is missing; listening with others changes the way a song sounds.
Compare this to other media. Movies are meant to be viewed with other people, which is why a comedy is never quite as funny at home as in the theater. Laughter is contagious or so say the people who put laugh tracks on television shows. Television is also more of a group experience and most other performance arts require a crowd. But music is pretty unique in that it can really be an intimate experience with mass produced content.
(Yes, I know I should put books in the same category as music here especially given there is no concert analogue for literature. No one is going, “Dude, did you listen to that Tom Wolfe book reading bootleg I sent you?” A lot of these arguments would fit for books as well. Just go with me for a moment. I mean, what is a good song other than a poem with a good beat.)
What the intimacy of music allows for is a connection between the fan and the artist that no other media can match. A song can speak to you, can be used to inspire you, can become the soundtrack for your life. It can be an enigma in which you spend hours trying to decipher every last meaning. Certain artists become parallels for your own life with their records seeming to tie to every moment you encounter. For me I can say things like “The only thing that kept me going in 1998 were Kelly Willis CDs” or “Every time I listen to Josh Rouse something good happens” and mean every word of it. There is a connection there that can’t be denied and that I have never felt from a movie or a TV show.
The strange thing though is that most, if not all, of that connection comes from the fans themselves. When Kelly Willis recorded “What I Deserve” she did not do so in order to provide me personally with music that made my life worthwhile. She created great songs, songs that she felt had meaning and heart, and hoped that someone out there would listen to them. But the meaning and importance that I put into them are all my own. Same as people do with Bon Jovi songs or Bruce Springsteen tracks or god forbid the latest Creed album. Music creates fans who feel an incredibly personal connection to the music even though it may be one the musician never intended.
Nick Hornby understands that nature of being a fan of music. Yes, sometimes it is very geeky to spend all of your life centered around little discs or computer files that you use to define who you are as a person. But to be honest, I’ll still listen to Kelly after a hard day at the office. At times, music is all you need.
Monday, November 02, 2009
And a battle kite
I need a Cylon toaster. Like, now.
Ok, I fixed my post from last night so that the video doesn’t cause complete havoc with the formatting. Had to play around with some HTML code to do it, which just shows you the level of difficulty involved in operating a blog. Basically, MTV Music doesn’t format as well in terms of embedding as YouTube does. I would have posted the video from YouTube except that Sony Music will not allow me to do that. The fact that I cannot post a twenty year old Social Distortion video because of Sony Music is a level of delicious irony that even I can’t believe. The man wins after all these years.
(For the record, Ball and Chain is still my ringtone. Which does draw some interesting stares during meetings when people call me.)
(Editor's Note: Crap. Ok, the edits didn't work so I just removed the video to keep the formatting normal. Thanks MTV and Sony Music! Enjoy your complete lack of relevance!)
Survived my first day back in the office after my vacation. It is always a challenge when you return to the office because you never quite know what may have happened in your absence. You always have a sinking suspicion that the entire world has collapsed while you were gone and if you are like me you find yourself kind of sad that it didn’t. I mean, how else am I supposed to maintain my massive ego?
Seriously though, I still follow the rule that a friend of mine taught me. For every day out of the office it is an hour for you to catch up. Emails, voice mails, no matter how much you tried to maintain things while you were away it takes a full hour to get yourself back to normal. Add in the time change that makes the last hour in the office seem extremely late and you really end up just being happy to make it through.
The piles of Halloween candy did make it worthwhile though. That is the strange side effect of frightened parents. Whereas I walked around my entire neighborhood knocking on random doors as a kid today parents now only take their little ones to select houses if they go out at all. But parents still buy bags and bags of candy for children who will never appear. Hence, adults eat all of the candy. I’m not sure of the logic behind all of this other than Halloween was a lot cooler when I was a kid.
Ok, I fixed my post from last night so that the video doesn’t cause complete havoc with the formatting. Had to play around with some HTML code to do it, which just shows you the level of difficulty involved in operating a blog. Basically, MTV Music doesn’t format as well in terms of embedding as YouTube does. I would have posted the video from YouTube except that Sony Music will not allow me to do that. The fact that I cannot post a twenty year old Social Distortion video because of Sony Music is a level of delicious irony that even I can’t believe. The man wins after all these years.
(For the record, Ball and Chain is still my ringtone. Which does draw some interesting stares during meetings when people call me.)
(Editor's Note: Crap. Ok, the edits didn't work so I just removed the video to keep the formatting normal. Thanks MTV and Sony Music! Enjoy your complete lack of relevance!)
Survived my first day back in the office after my vacation. It is always a challenge when you return to the office because you never quite know what may have happened in your absence. You always have a sinking suspicion that the entire world has collapsed while you were gone and if you are like me you find yourself kind of sad that it didn’t. I mean, how else am I supposed to maintain my massive ego?
Seriously though, I still follow the rule that a friend of mine taught me. For every day out of the office it is an hour for you to catch up. Emails, voice mails, no matter how much you tried to maintain things while you were away it takes a full hour to get yourself back to normal. Add in the time change that makes the last hour in the office seem extremely late and you really end up just being happy to make it through.
The piles of Halloween candy did make it worthwhile though. That is the strange side effect of frightened parents. Whereas I walked around my entire neighborhood knocking on random doors as a kid today parents now only take their little ones to select houses if they go out at all. But parents still buy bags and bags of candy for children who will never appear. Hence, adults eat all of the candy. I’m not sure of the logic behind all of this other than Halloween was a lot cooler when I was a kid.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
That's right, you're not from Texas
Sorry for the lack of posts but Kim and I were having a nice vacation in San Antonio where we were remembering that place that was surprisingly difficult to find and even after you found it you were slightly underwhelmed. Incredibly, if Wikipedia and our river cruise driver is to be believed, San Antonio is the 7th largest city in the country. That makes you wonder how Kansas City can have baseball and football teams while San Antonio has only the Spurs.
We had just an amazing time in the city. We were in town for the Notre Dame – Washington State game, which I have yet to hear a good reason for why the game was in the Alamodome. On the plus side, it was very easy to tell who was rooting for which team as everyone was decked out in team colors except for Kim and myself. We were for game day of course but the rest of the time we dressed in clothes without logos and I swear we were the only ones who did so. The River Walk was a blast, the weather was perfect and it was a few days of pure enjoyment. Got to meet up with a few friends along the way as well, which makes life even better.
It was also Halloween while we were there (obviously) and I have to yet again bring up a comment on Halloween costumes. Mainly, are there any costumes for women that cannot be described as “slutty?” Seriously, I know that this adults wearing costumes is a bit of a recent phenomenon but I swear that every costume looked as though as it was purchased in the back room of a shop with age restrictions on the door. I understand that this would be an option for some costumes but pretty much every single one fell into this category. You’d think that at some point somebody would try something different.
And we didn’t even go in the Coyote Ugly on Halloween so I am not even using that as a reference point. But yes, we did drink there one afternoon. No, I didn’t dance on the bar. I did look for Piper Pearbo though.
That is about it for tonight. I’m rather tired from the trip, the flights, and the numerous time changes. Remember to turn your clocks back, even if you live in Indiana. Actually, apologies if you live in Indiana. Changing clocks should be the least of your worries. I am going to go to bed and have a nice long, non-margarita enduced nap.
Best of 120 Minutes: Social Distortion. I have only two words for you. Fuck and Yeah.
Video removed due to awesomeness
The five random CDs for the week:
1) U2 “Achtung Baby”
2) She and Him “Volume One”
3) The Freddy Jones Band “Lucid”
4) John Wesley Harding “The Confessions of St. Ace”
5) Emmylou Harris “Wrecking Ball”
We had just an amazing time in the city. We were in town for the Notre Dame – Washington State game, which I have yet to hear a good reason for why the game was in the Alamodome. On the plus side, it was very easy to tell who was rooting for which team as everyone was decked out in team colors except for Kim and myself. We were for game day of course but the rest of the time we dressed in clothes without logos and I swear we were the only ones who did so. The River Walk was a blast, the weather was perfect and it was a few days of pure enjoyment. Got to meet up with a few friends along the way as well, which makes life even better.
It was also Halloween while we were there (obviously) and I have to yet again bring up a comment on Halloween costumes. Mainly, are there any costumes for women that cannot be described as “slutty?” Seriously, I know that this adults wearing costumes is a bit of a recent phenomenon but I swear that every costume looked as though as it was purchased in the back room of a shop with age restrictions on the door. I understand that this would be an option for some costumes but pretty much every single one fell into this category. You’d think that at some point somebody would try something different.
And we didn’t even go in the Coyote Ugly on Halloween so I am not even using that as a reference point. But yes, we did drink there one afternoon. No, I didn’t dance on the bar. I did look for Piper Pearbo though.
That is about it for tonight. I’m rather tired from the trip, the flights, and the numerous time changes. Remember to turn your clocks back, even if you live in Indiana. Actually, apologies if you live in Indiana. Changing clocks should be the least of your worries. I am going to go to bed and have a nice long, non-margarita enduced nap.
Best of 120 Minutes: Social Distortion. I have only two words for you. Fuck and Yeah.
Video removed due to awesomeness
The five random CDs for the week:
1) U2 “Achtung Baby”
2) She and Him “Volume One”
3) The Freddy Jones Band “Lucid”
4) John Wesley Harding “The Confessions of St. Ace”
5) Emmylou Harris “Wrecking Ball”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)