Time for more lessons from Mystery and Matador and….Tara? I have no problems with the name Tara but if you are going to have a wingwoman shouldn’t she have a cool name like, I don’t know, Harley Quinn or Poison Ivy or Invisible Woman? How dumb would it sound saying “I’d like you to meet my friends Matador and Tara.” Anyway, on to the show.
Episode 2: Can I borrow your napkin my car just hit a water buffalo
When last we left our band of Mario Brothers in search of Princess Peach they had ventured into the magic kingdom of clubs and fell down the sewer pipe only to have Mystery rescue them and provide them with a new suit of powers. Sadly, Alex was devoured by Bowser and now only eight contestants remain. We’re at the early point in a reality show where you have too many contestants and not enough stories.
We start with the fabled reality cliché “Oh my God I can’t believe that someone was eliminated” moment. Despite the fact that it is the entire point of the show contestants are always stunned by this. At least they aren’t crying over the departure of some dude they met yesterday. Rian is also shown as a videogame salesman. That is sad.
The crew meets Mystery outside of an “Italian Club”. That is literally what it says on the awning. Apparently Arizona is the land of generic places. This is the reward challenge where the guys will need to make conversation with women in order to get over their nervousness and awkwardness. Winner receives one of Mystery’s accessories and a personal lesson from Mystery on how to use it. Seriously? It needs instructions? What the hell?
Anyway, the guys all run in with the hope that it is a strip club. Sadly that is an advanced lesson and instead are led into a bingo parlor. Which, to be honest, is a lot more of what I envision the Arizona club scene to be like. At least most of the guys realize that the point is to make conversations with anyone. Kevin (or possibly Kumar) asks if they have any stories from World War II. Brian scares them but to be honest he scares me. Matt wins in a landslide and deservedly so. The guy actually looks good in a suit as well.
Class time as the guys break out the notebooks. Today the lesson is on indirect openers as you cannot just walk up to a woman and tell her that she is beautiful. Instead you must discuss this fight outside while saying you have only a minute to talk. Also, there is apparently a way you need to stand. Greg agrees with my sentiment that I was unaware that I was standing incorrectly my entire life. Matt gets his award which is a black feathered boa. Wow, great reward. You get to look like a guy who wears a black feathered boa.
The guys then make their way to the club for their first field test. The fact that they are all on a bus frantically reviewing pages of notes on opening lines is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. I’m waiting for one to have notes written on their hands. But soon enough they are time at the club and it is time to bring on the ladies…
We start with Matt and the “scarf”. He has trouble starting a set even when the women come up to him. He is actually stunned when a women starts talking to him as it has never happened before. (Really? Drunk chicks talk to me all the time and I’m not even trying.) He does finally meet someone, gives her the scarf but then takes it bad and strikes out. Todd, our super nice guy, just out and out nails it. Best I’ve ever seen it done on this show because it doesn’t look staged.
(Also, Matador has some serious biceps. Wow.)
Greg rushes into things with a story that goes nowhere. He recovers but then flees like a frightened rabbit when he makes the rookie mistake of not talking to the girl’s friend. Rian does a better job than I would have expected and was smart enough to talk to the guy first at a table in order to look non-threatening. Simeon walks in and immediately is told to go screw off. He does need to tone down his energy level.
Karl, the Radio Shack employee of the month, is talking to himself. He needs a drink. Brian and his afro mentions that he likes pickle juice. I’ll have to say that despite the fact that I think he is a freak he works the room with a manic style and ends up getting hugs from girls. Maybe you just need to put yourself out there. Kevin (or possibly Harold) enters the White Castle of Fear and starts swearing every third word. He does at least mention contingency plans in his post-interview, which rules. Brian wins. I did not see that coming. He then cries over having to choose wingmen. I haven’t seen this much emotion from a guy since the release of the latest World of Warcraft expansion pack.
Elimination time as well as the handing out of the magic medallions. I have yet to figure out why they need these things or why they have mystical symbols on them. Elimination comes down to Karl and Kevin. And in the end Kevin gets eliminated which is good because I don’t believe I have any more White Castle puns left in me. Mystery made the right call. You just don’t go up to random women in a club and start dropping f bombs.
Next week: Kosmo returns! And a stripper nurse! Can’t wait.
Episode 2: Can I borrow your napkin my car just hit a water buffalo
When last we left our band of Mario Brothers in search of Princess Peach they had ventured into the magic kingdom of clubs and fell down the sewer pipe only to have Mystery rescue them and provide them with a new suit of powers. Sadly, Alex was devoured by Bowser and now only eight contestants remain. We’re at the early point in a reality show where you have too many contestants and not enough stories.
We start with the fabled reality cliché “Oh my God I can’t believe that someone was eliminated” moment. Despite the fact that it is the entire point of the show contestants are always stunned by this. At least they aren’t crying over the departure of some dude they met yesterday. Rian is also shown as a videogame salesman. That is sad.
The crew meets Mystery outside of an “Italian Club”. That is literally what it says on the awning. Apparently Arizona is the land of generic places. This is the reward challenge where the guys will need to make conversation with women in order to get over their nervousness and awkwardness. Winner receives one of Mystery’s accessories and a personal lesson from Mystery on how to use it. Seriously? It needs instructions? What the hell?
Anyway, the guys all run in with the hope that it is a strip club. Sadly that is an advanced lesson and instead are led into a bingo parlor. Which, to be honest, is a lot more of what I envision the Arizona club scene to be like. At least most of the guys realize that the point is to make conversations with anyone. Kevin (or possibly Kumar) asks if they have any stories from World War II. Brian scares them but to be honest he scares me. Matt wins in a landslide and deservedly so. The guy actually looks good in a suit as well.
Class time as the guys break out the notebooks. Today the lesson is on indirect openers as you cannot just walk up to a woman and tell her that she is beautiful. Instead you must discuss this fight outside while saying you have only a minute to talk. Also, there is apparently a way you need to stand. Greg agrees with my sentiment that I was unaware that I was standing incorrectly my entire life. Matt gets his award which is a black feathered boa. Wow, great reward. You get to look like a guy who wears a black feathered boa.
The guys then make their way to the club for their first field test. The fact that they are all on a bus frantically reviewing pages of notes on opening lines is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. I’m waiting for one to have notes written on their hands. But soon enough they are time at the club and it is time to bring on the ladies…
We start with Matt and the “scarf”. He has trouble starting a set even when the women come up to him. He is actually stunned when a women starts talking to him as it has never happened before. (Really? Drunk chicks talk to me all the time and I’m not even trying.) He does finally meet someone, gives her the scarf but then takes it bad and strikes out. Todd, our super nice guy, just out and out nails it. Best I’ve ever seen it done on this show because it doesn’t look staged.
(Also, Matador has some serious biceps. Wow.)
Greg rushes into things with a story that goes nowhere. He recovers but then flees like a frightened rabbit when he makes the rookie mistake of not talking to the girl’s friend. Rian does a better job than I would have expected and was smart enough to talk to the guy first at a table in order to look non-threatening. Simeon walks in and immediately is told to go screw off. He does need to tone down his energy level.
Karl, the Radio Shack employee of the month, is talking to himself. He needs a drink. Brian and his afro mentions that he likes pickle juice. I’ll have to say that despite the fact that I think he is a freak he works the room with a manic style and ends up getting hugs from girls. Maybe you just need to put yourself out there. Kevin (or possibly Harold) enters the White Castle of Fear and starts swearing every third word. He does at least mention contingency plans in his post-interview, which rules. Brian wins. I did not see that coming. He then cries over having to choose wingmen. I haven’t seen this much emotion from a guy since the release of the latest World of Warcraft expansion pack.
Elimination time as well as the handing out of the magic medallions. I have yet to figure out why they need these things or why they have mystical symbols on them. Elimination comes down to Karl and Kevin. And in the end Kevin gets eliminated which is good because I don’t believe I have any more White Castle puns left in me. Mystery made the right call. You just don’t go up to random women in a club and start dropping f bombs.
Next week: Kosmo returns! And a stripper nurse! Can’t wait.
1 comment:
OMG. I am so tempted to now watch the show, but afraid it won't be near as good as the recap! :)
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