I’ve received several emails over the past few days all asking the same question. “EC, you are an amazing and happening guy. What qualifies you to comment on a show like The Pick Up Artist?” Well, this weekend provides the proof that I have my geek bona fides in order. I went home to see my parents and I was met with the first of what I assume will be many boxes of mine still stored in the basement. In it was the greatest gift I could ever be given. Yes, I have been reunited with my Star Wars figures. Not only did my face light up and I yelled out “Sweet!” but I brought them home with me in my carry-on luggage because I didn’t trust the airline with them. That, my friends, is what makes me qualified to write this. Nothing can come between me and my Boba Fett.
Anyway, let’s see what Mystery has in store for the Scooby Squad this week.
Episode 3: Hello, Nurse!
In last week’s episode Mr. Moore taught his students the importance of confidence. Dan impressed the women at bingo, Arvid got a girl to hug him at a bar and Jawarahal crashed and burned and was expelled from the school. What life lessons will Mr. Moore instill in his students this week? Will they be stunned by the appearance of a Scottish comedian as their new teacher? And why the hell wasn’t there a hot, redhead, poet in any of my honor classes? Only time will tell.
Like every reality show since the beginning of time the show begins with a recap of the previous episode and several contestants expressing a) their shock that someone was eliminated and b) their sadness regarding their fellow competitor. Why the rules of the show surprises them always bothers me and just once I want to see someone jump up and down and go “As long as I’m not eliminated I don’t give a damn what happens.” At least it would be honest.
So the guys make their way to a medical institute. Wonder if the doctors will list this one on their resume? The idea, and I have to admit that it is a really good one, is that your own body can undermine you when you talk to someone for the first time. When you are flush with attraction the sweaty palms, nervous laughter and quickening of speech can end your chances before you even get a sentence out. Control your body and you are one step closer to your goal. This is actually an important lesson.
Of course, we teach this lesson by strapping the guys into a bunch of biofeedback sensors and then having Nurse Samantha, who apparently has just gotten off the main stage at Bazookas, come in for a private consultation. Why no, this show doesn’t objectify women at all. Why do you ask? Per our little labels, Brian has never seen a naked woman before. Another one of those things you would never want to admit. Not as bad as Rian “Sleeps with a teddy bear”, but still bad. Essentially what you have is the guys trying to stay calm while this hot woman strips. While I’d stay calm in this challenge I would lose if only because they hit one of my weak points. Greg wins the challenge, if only because he was the only one who looked like he was actually enjoying himself, and gets to hang with Mystery in the surveillance van. Yeah, I really want to be alone in a van with a guy who wears makeup.
Class time and the focus is still on self-awareness and body language and for this lesson we get the return of Kosmo! Last year’s winner returns with his master pick up artist medallion and his stories about traveling the country teaching men how to talk to women. Seriously, people pay to listen to Kosmo. Nice to know that there are people sadder than me in this world. Main lessons are on how to stand, how to not invade people’s space and taking into account your nervousness. I would honestly like an hour on this lesson. It is my biggest issue.
Challenge time as the goal is to see who is best with their body language. Not sure exactly how this is measured but if anyone has a metric for it I bet it is Mystery. Anyway, time to hit the club so let’s bring on the awkward conversations!
Brian heads in first and immediately heads straight towards the bachelorette party. Oh that is just not fair. Anyone can get attention from a bachelorette party. He does have this manic energy about him but he carries it with a harmless vibe. I’m changing my opinion on him. He’s the guy you would want with you in a club because he attracts attention but wouldn’t get in your way. Rian, who carries with him my grim look of determination, actually starts a conversation with “Did you know that Elvis dyed his hair” and it amazingly works. His only mistake was focusing on one girl and trying to remove her from the pack. That is an advanced move and should not be tried at his level of Pick Up Artistry.
Everyone’s friend Todd makes progress with the Herman question (dudes named Herman apparently never get dates and must hate this show), convinces four girls to go to his VIP booth and gets phone numbers and a kiss on the cheek. Excellent job though I hate the fact that VIP booths are used as part of the contestants arsenal. Not all of us have those. Heck, most places I go to don’t have those. Matt, on the other hand, has two girls walk away from him while he is asking them about Sex and the City proving once again that everyone hates that show.
Simeon, who has been lectured all show to stop being so damn fidgety, has the weirdest energy level. He’s like a kid who has eaten about ten bowls of Super Sugar Crisp and is now trying to sit quietly in church. You can actually see him vibrate with energy. Sadly, while Brian turns his manic energy into a positive Simeon just comes across as a creepy guy. He’s a nice guy but just weird. Last week’s near evictee Karl is, in the words of Mystery, not reaching the girls’ spirit when he talks to them. I’m not paid nearly enough to figure out what the hell that means.
Greg, who has been sitting in the van quietly wondering just why he signed up for this show, is our final entry in the club du jour. He does a lot of body rocking (which has been mentioned all episode so now I have a Moby song in my head) and picks up two rather attractive women. Good job and I like the guy. He’s gone from being your IT tech to being a guy you would actually want to hang with. He also wins the field test and has immunity and the honor of choosing two wingmen to save from elimination.
We head off to the Elimination Chamber and Mystery introduces us to the newest medallion in the collection. I am really confident that the mystical symbols came straight from a Dungeons and Dragons handbook. Greg decides to name Matt and Brian as his wingmen even though Matt has a ton of weaknesses and even Mystery said he would have eliminated him this week. Wow, strategy in The Pick Up Artist. Our final two are Karl and Rian and they both have a look of utter fear on their faces. In the end Karl is sent back to Radio Shack. Sigh. If there is a worse fate known to man I am unaware of it.
Next week. Erogenous zones! Kissing! Random groping! Hopefully not amongst the contestants.
Anyway, let’s see what Mystery has in store for the Scooby Squad this week.
Episode 3: Hello, Nurse!
In last week’s episode Mr. Moore taught his students the importance of confidence. Dan impressed the women at bingo, Arvid got a girl to hug him at a bar and Jawarahal crashed and burned and was expelled from the school. What life lessons will Mr. Moore instill in his students this week? Will they be stunned by the appearance of a Scottish comedian as their new teacher? And why the hell wasn’t there a hot, redhead, poet in any of my honor classes? Only time will tell.
Like every reality show since the beginning of time the show begins with a recap of the previous episode and several contestants expressing a) their shock that someone was eliminated and b) their sadness regarding their fellow competitor. Why the rules of the show surprises them always bothers me and just once I want to see someone jump up and down and go “As long as I’m not eliminated I don’t give a damn what happens.” At least it would be honest.
So the guys make their way to a medical institute. Wonder if the doctors will list this one on their resume? The idea, and I have to admit that it is a really good one, is that your own body can undermine you when you talk to someone for the first time. When you are flush with attraction the sweaty palms, nervous laughter and quickening of speech can end your chances before you even get a sentence out. Control your body and you are one step closer to your goal. This is actually an important lesson.
Of course, we teach this lesson by strapping the guys into a bunch of biofeedback sensors and then having Nurse Samantha, who apparently has just gotten off the main stage at Bazookas, come in for a private consultation. Why no, this show doesn’t objectify women at all. Why do you ask? Per our little labels, Brian has never seen a naked woman before. Another one of those things you would never want to admit. Not as bad as Rian “Sleeps with a teddy bear”, but still bad. Essentially what you have is the guys trying to stay calm while this hot woman strips. While I’d stay calm in this challenge I would lose if only because they hit one of my weak points. Greg wins the challenge, if only because he was the only one who looked like he was actually enjoying himself, and gets to hang with Mystery in the surveillance van. Yeah, I really want to be alone in a van with a guy who wears makeup.
Class time and the focus is still on self-awareness and body language and for this lesson we get the return of Kosmo! Last year’s winner returns with his master pick up artist medallion and his stories about traveling the country teaching men how to talk to women. Seriously, people pay to listen to Kosmo. Nice to know that there are people sadder than me in this world. Main lessons are on how to stand, how to not invade people’s space and taking into account your nervousness. I would honestly like an hour on this lesson. It is my biggest issue.
Challenge time as the goal is to see who is best with their body language. Not sure exactly how this is measured but if anyone has a metric for it I bet it is Mystery. Anyway, time to hit the club so let’s bring on the awkward conversations!
Brian heads in first and immediately heads straight towards the bachelorette party. Oh that is just not fair. Anyone can get attention from a bachelorette party. He does have this manic energy about him but he carries it with a harmless vibe. I’m changing my opinion on him. He’s the guy you would want with you in a club because he attracts attention but wouldn’t get in your way. Rian, who carries with him my grim look of determination, actually starts a conversation with “Did you know that Elvis dyed his hair” and it amazingly works. His only mistake was focusing on one girl and trying to remove her from the pack. That is an advanced move and should not be tried at his level of Pick Up Artistry.
Everyone’s friend Todd makes progress with the Herman question (dudes named Herman apparently never get dates and must hate this show), convinces four girls to go to his VIP booth and gets phone numbers and a kiss on the cheek. Excellent job though I hate the fact that VIP booths are used as part of the contestants arsenal. Not all of us have those. Heck, most places I go to don’t have those. Matt, on the other hand, has two girls walk away from him while he is asking them about Sex and the City proving once again that everyone hates that show.
Simeon, who has been lectured all show to stop being so damn fidgety, has the weirdest energy level. He’s like a kid who has eaten about ten bowls of Super Sugar Crisp and is now trying to sit quietly in church. You can actually see him vibrate with energy. Sadly, while Brian turns his manic energy into a positive Simeon just comes across as a creepy guy. He’s a nice guy but just weird. Last week’s near evictee Karl is, in the words of Mystery, not reaching the girls’ spirit when he talks to them. I’m not paid nearly enough to figure out what the hell that means.
Greg, who has been sitting in the van quietly wondering just why he signed up for this show, is our final entry in the club du jour. He does a lot of body rocking (which has been mentioned all episode so now I have a Moby song in my head) and picks up two rather attractive women. Good job and I like the guy. He’s gone from being your IT tech to being a guy you would actually want to hang with. He also wins the field test and has immunity and the honor of choosing two wingmen to save from elimination.
We head off to the Elimination Chamber and Mystery introduces us to the newest medallion in the collection. I am really confident that the mystical symbols came straight from a Dungeons and Dragons handbook. Greg decides to name Matt and Brian as his wingmen even though Matt has a ton of weaknesses and even Mystery said he would have eliminated him this week. Wow, strategy in The Pick Up Artist. Our final two are Karl and Rian and they both have a look of utter fear on their faces. In the end Karl is sent back to Radio Shack. Sigh. If there is a worse fate known to man I am unaware of it.
Next week. Erogenous zones! Kissing! Random groping! Hopefully not amongst the contestants.
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