Thursday, August 07, 2008

Who gets a participant medal?

I am very concerned by this development of Brett Farve, the former quarterback of the fabled Cobra Kai fantasy team, being traded to the New York Jets. Doesn’t he know that once a Jet a Jet he shall stay from his first cigarette to his last dying day? If Broadway musicals have taught us anything it is that becoming a Jet in New York will only end in tragedy that will be replayed endlessly by drama kids in high school gyms. Also, I learned that trains can sing. Thanks Andrew Lloyd Webber. How high were you when you came up with that one?

Oh and I spoke too soon about Big Brother. My local CBS affiliate, whose offices will be picketed tomorrow due to their actions in recent days, decided that the Chiefs pre-season game was more important than the live eviction on Big Brother. Now they were playing the Bears so I give them a little leeway but it is a preseason game. It doesn’t count, it doesn’t matter and the Chiefs barely count as a professional team. Surely they could have just done score updates and left us with watching whether Jessie or Memphis was eliminated? Is that too much to ask for in this world?

The Olympics start tomorrow so that is always a reason for great joy in my part of the world. This is one of the few times of the year where I can unleash my intense and irrational hatred of certain countries and be considered completely within my rights for doing so. Not as fun as the Winter Olympics, during which I constantly spew my hatred regarding those damn Latvians. Seriously, who the hell elects Victor Von Doom to be their president?

First off, expect to see the standard puff pieces that show just how advanced the United States is compared to the rest of the world. You’ll get swimming events where we discuss how the American’s parents installed an Olympic size pool in their backyard while the guy in the next lane is from a nation where 98% of the residents do not have access to clean water. If that doesn’t make you proud to be an American (where at least I know I’m free) I don’t know what will.

I’m contemplating live blogging the opening ceremonies tomorrow except that I won’t be watching it live. Well, no one will since it will be in China but I’m going to be taping it anyway. I always find the opening ceremonies to be interesting just for the whole spectacle of it. Also, the fact that multiple hours of network television can be taken up by showing people walking is a pretty amazing thing. But I dig the spectacle and I’ve watched every ceremony since 1984 so I should keep up with the tradition.

This is going to be an interesting games. Every summer Olympics tends to be mismanaged and confusing due to the sheer size of the thing but this one has the possibility of being an absolute nightmare. We have the Chinese trying to control the weather and the smog, which will either fail miserably causing the athletes to suffer or work and scare us all due to the fact that the Chinese can now control the weather. There also just aren’t as many great stories out there. With all the doping scandals track and field doesn’t have the same buzz as before, both Hamm brothers are out of the gymnastics competition though they will appear in the next season of Ninja Warrior, and once again Live Pigeon Shooting is not included as an Olympic event. I can only hope for a large amount of beach volleyball coverage.

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