Elmo knows bowling

So, I was watching Sesame Street this morning….yeah, screw you. I’m unemployed, what the hell else am I supposed to do? Stop judging me. Anyway, so I ended up watching Elmo learn how to bowl. There were four easy steps: point, swing back, swing forward and roll. After the lesson Elmo tries and misses all the pins and throws a huge fit saying that he doesn’t want to bowl ever again and he hates the game. This leads to a song where Elmo is told that sometimes in life you just have to keep trying. Elmo listens, tries again, knocks down one pin, and celebrates like mad.

Here is what I learned from that exchange. 1) Apparently bowling is a lot easier than I recall. 2) I share the same mentality as Elmo when it comes to participating in sports (hence my not picking up a golf club for eight years). 3) We are really setting a low bar for success if knocking down one pin is cause for celebration as opposed to riotous laughter. 4) Dude, Gordon is old. Not Mr. Hooper old but he’s getting up there.

I was on the road again this weekend, checking out what may be my new home. I do at least now have proof that Delaware exists. Or at least I have been there. It still is one of those places that seems to exist only in terms of trivia questions than in actual locales. I mean, the place is about five miles wide and is lucky that it is the first state because they got in before we figured out what a state actually was.

I rented a car and as is always the case I was rocking the PT Cruiser. It seems that every time I rent a car I end up with a PT Cruiser. I’m beginning to believe that no one ever actually bought one of those and that everyone you see with one is driving a rental. With that said, I actually like renting them and I tend to pick the one with the worst color scheme imaginable. That way you don’t have to worry about finding it in a lot. Just look for the worst car in the lot and you know that it is yours.

(Also, I may have found people who are worse drivers than the residents of Kansas. I didn’t believe that was even possible. I don’t trust someone from Kansas driving anything other than a tractor and that is only because I know that I can outrun a tractor.)

I’m thinking about cars a lot as mine is in the shop right now, hopefully fixed but I still do not have any proof on that. This is much of the disaster I alluded to on Friday. Went out to start my car and it wouldn’t go, which was a bit of an issue given that I was going to the airport the next day. Towed it to the shop and found out that my security system was on the fritz again and that my car was convinced that I was trying to steal it. Why this happens is beyond me but I tend to have this problem. Once a car hits 70,000 miles the security system should just realize that no one is going to bother to steal the car.

So, it is time for me to once again send out a request for advice on cars. I am going to need a new one once I get my new job so what is a good make and model. I think we can safely say that I am heading into full on mid-life crisis mode so pretty much everything is in play. What will make me look cool and relevant? What will show off my style and grace? What will fill that empty space inside of me than gnaws at my very soul like a pack of wolverines crawling through the tundra? Ok, I’ll need more than a car for that one.

Best of 120 Minutes: Why does the internet exist? Mainly so that I can spend a Monday night watching old Billy Bragg concerts.