4:50 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from the Battling the Current sports headquarters joined by a cast of…yeah, it’s just me again. According to Facebook I have friends so at least I have that going for me.
4:51 P.M.: This is my fourth year of live blogging the Super Bowl. The idea is that I will give my running commentary on the game, the announcers, the commercials and whatever else I find interesting at the time. The fact that I am simultaneously making dinner, doing laundry and building the 2007 concert discs might make this rather interesting.
4:55 P.M.: Apparently Ben Franklin has insights on today’s game. Maybe I’ll make Ben Franklin impersonator my next career. Though anything that gets Jim Brown on television is good for me. And Alan Page as well.
5:04 P.M.: So the pre-game show is followed by the pre-kick show. I assume the pre-coin toss show is next and then the pre-first illegal conduct penalty show.
5:05 P.M.: Just once I would like to hear a player say when asked how he feels before the game “I’m scared to death right now. Honestly, I’m hoping I pull a hamstring on the opening kickoff.”
5:12 P.M.: The Giants take the field to random techno music. I’m not sure if that is the most inspiring thing one can hear as they take the field. I’m not sure anyone gets pumped by Moby. Well, Eli maybe.
5:14 P.M.: I know my friends from Boston will hate me for this but I’m happy that Pats got booed as they took the field. They are cheaters after all. However, props for coming to the field to Crazy Train. We need more Ozzy in our football.
5:21 P.M.: It’s coin toss time. Once again I have twenty bucks riding on heads. No, I don’t have a gambling problem. Why do you ask?
5:26 P.M.: And I just lost twenty bucks. Screw you Ronnie Lott. You can’t toss a coin to save your life. At least I still have my bet that Tom Petty will end the halftime show with Running Down a Dream to make me some serious cash.
5:28 P.M.: Per Troy Aikman, no one forgets the Super Bowl. Except for those who suffer concussions during the game, they tend to forget it. Or the players who get blown out. They’d like to forget it.
5:30 P.M.: I can no longer tell the difference between car commercials and episodes of Mythbusters. We now test cars by having them do everything other than drive down the road unless centrifuges are a lot more common than I thought.
5:37 P.M.: Bud Light makes you breathe fire. That’s pretty close to truth in advertising there. To be honest, they should promote themselves as an almost drinkable beer. I mean, you wouldn’t want to drink it but you can.
5:38 P.M.: Giants have been moving the ball well on the opening drive here. It is strange that the announcers fawn over the fact that Eli can complete a pass. No one gives him any respect. I think they expect him to throw the ball in random directions.
5:43 P.M.: This is one long opening drive. We’re going to have like a five minute block of commercials coming up. Field goal try coming up from former Chief Lawrence Tynes. And it’s good. 3-0 Giants.
5:46 P.M.: Diet Pepsi Max: Because we can’t technically sell Crystal Meth. Seriously, you don’t need that much caffeine. Just get a little more sleep and exercise.
5:49 P.M.: Apparently Under Armor is becoming its own rebellion. That was a rather passionate and frightening commercial. Pats start with the ball at midfield.
5:54 P.M.: Wes Welker gets the first down. I would like to publicly thank Wes Welker for making me a lot of money in fantasy football this year. I spent my entire draft trying to get him in the tenth round and it worked. Didn’t win it all but made a profit at least.
5:58 P.M.: Patriot Pat is a very frightening mascot. Interference call in the end zone so this should be academic from the one. But it will have to wait to the second quarter. A 30 minute first quarter in the Super Bowl. This is going insanely fast. At this pace I won’t have time to watch Puppy Bowl IV at halftime.
6:00 P.M.: Cool, the Terminator finally kicked that Fox robot’s ass. Never knew why we needed a football playing robot anyway.
6:02 P.M.: Maroney punches it in to give the Pats the lead. 7-3 Pats as they were never really threatened with a stop the entire drive.
6:10 P.M.: I know this has nothing to do with the game but I saw a preview for Speed Racer this weekend and I can’t tell if this is going to be horrible or the greatest film of all time. Christina Ricci as Trixie, John Goodman as Pops, insane, off the wall graphics. But they are using a real monkey for Chim Chim and that is the most important thing.
6:14 P.M.: Eli throws a first down ball that gets tipped for an interception. Not really Eli’s fault on that one. Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man is all types of awesome. Especially since they are using both the gray and classic red and gold versions of the suit.
6:24 P.M.: For those wondering, no I did not announce that I was leaving my job by having my heart leap out of my chest. I’ve had enough health problems for the month thank you very much. Though the fact that I am apparently seeing lizards dancing to Thriller indicates that I should up my medication.
6:26 P.M.: Hey, Justin Tuck made a tackle! I remember him at Notre Dame. I’m pleased that he’s actually made an NFL career. I’m not sure I expected that. Brady gets sacked as well. Game has slowed down in the second quarter with neither team doing much of anything.
6:40 P.M.: Down to the two minute warning with the Pats having the ball on their own 11. Giants were driving again but screwed it up, forcing me to watch a Justin Timberlake commercial. Bet Brittney is pissed right now. Well I guess that depends on her Depends but you understand.
6:51 P.M.: Brady fumbles at midfield on their last drive of the half. Justin Tuck is playing really strong these last ten minutes. Ten seconds for Eli Manning to try to do something productive. Or take a knee and bring on Tom Petty. 7-3 Pats at half. Bring on the absolutely meaningless halftime show.
7:11 P.M.: I strangely miss the old days of halftime shows that featured Michael Jackson dancing with frightened children. I might win my bet though as Petty just played Running Down a Dream after Free Fallin. There was a lot of money on Free Fallin as the last song but I figured it was too much of a downer. Now just please don’t play Learning to Fly.
7:16 P.M.: Yes! I win my bet. Now on to Puppy Bowl IV.
7:21 P.M.: For those who wonder what in the world Puppy Bowl IV is it is the greatest counter programming tactic ever. Just beating the Playmate Fear Factor that was done in 2002. Basically Animal Planet just shows hours of puppies running around in a makeshift stadium with large plush toys scattered about. It is surprisingly engrossing. Plus, they are just so darn cute. It’s like a sorbet before I start the next course of watching incredibly large men attempt to dismember each other.
8:23 P.M.: Ok, I was called away on a phone call. Did I miss anything? Other than the Giants taking the lead and an awesome commercial featuring Stewie and Underdog fighting for a Coke only to lose to Charlie brown in what has to win the best commercial of the night. Other than that I think I’m up to date.
Sorry about that but I needed to take the call. I’m sure you’ll be able to find witty coverage elsewhere. But it is 10-7 Giants in the fourth quarter as I pick back up with my recap.
8:33 P.M.: Man, Welker is having a huge game. I think he is the only guy who Brady has thrown to. When you have ten guys covering Randy Moss that tends to make the slow white guy open.
8:39 P.M.: Touchdown Randy Moss as the Pats go back on top. Looks like the defender fell down and this means that Eli manning is going to have to lead his team down the field for a game winning touchdown. That’s a tall order.
8:51 P.M.: Wow, that was an awesome play by Manning. He just refused to go down with the sack and just launched it downfield. I’d write more but I’m really enjoying just watching this game.
8:55 P.M.: First down for the Giants at the fifteen. This has been a heck of a game.
8:56 P.M.: Touchdown Giants! Plaxico broke free of the defender and Manning got him the ball with 35 seconds left on the clock. 17-14 Giants and now it is up to Tom Terrific to see how much magic he still has in his lovely manicured hands.
8:59 P.M.: 28 seconds, three timeouts, and really good hair. That’s what Tom Brady has left right now to get the ball in the range for a young kicker to tie the game.
9:00 P.M.: Brady down with a sack. I’d feel bad for Tom but he’s going to see Gisele Budchen at the end of the night and avoid the kid he had with Bridget Moynihan. Can’t really feel sorry for the guy.
9:03 P.M.: Ballgame. Or at least that is what everyone thought except there is still a second left on the clock so let’s let Eli kneel down and end it. Bellicheck has already left the field, which might be the douchebagiest move since the Pistons walked off the court when the Bulls finally beat them. Sorry Rosemary and DJ but I’m happy that the Giants won.
9:06 P.M.: Maybe now everyone will stop making fun of Eli Manning. The guy has been lambasted his entire career, always compared to his dad and his brother, and in the biggest game he stepped up to win.
9:07 P.M.: That’s it for the game. Sorry for the lack of posts in the second half but I was on the phone and it was better for me to talk than write jokes about commercials. Great win for the Giants, great game and a fun night. Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to do with my time now that football season is over. I mean besides trying to find a new job. Anyone have one? I mean I have skills. Mad skills.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Subdudes “Annunciation”
2) Tom Petty “Full Moon Fever” (I swear that was a random number selection, not me)
3) The Jayhawks “Blue Earth”
4) Richard Buckner “Bloomed”
5) R.E.M. “Murmur”
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