Preliminary Note: I will discuss the comments on “When The Cure is no longer a cure” tomorrow. I need another day to think through my response. If anyone else wants to add in their two cents on my romantic prospects please add to the thread. The comments so far have been rather outstanding.
It’s Presidents Day and if I worked for a more patriotic company I’d have had the day off today. Instead I sat in a cube running spreadsheets. This gave me plenty of time to ruminate on Presidents Day and how we have moved from celebrating Washington and Lincoln to celebrating all presidents. I figured that this would be the opportune time for me to present a quick overview of my favorite president of all time. Here are your fun facts for the nineteenth president of the United States: Rutherford B. Hayes.
· Like all presidents, was born in Ohio.
· Attended Kenyon College. Or at least lived in a dorm there while listening to Grateful Dead records.
· Voted “best beard of all bearded presidents” by the American Beardological Society
· Became president despite losing the popular vote. Surprisingly, did not use this fact to invade a middle eastern nation under spurious circumstances.
· Once described the State of the Union as “just peachy”.
· Enacted a robust foreign policy consisting of speaking slowly and loudly to all foreign ambassadors.
· Successfully prevented the Earth from falling into the sun during his presidency.
· Three time winner of the Indy 500.
· Became the first president to be featured on Trading Spaces. While upset with Hildi’s redesign of the Oval Office he did take advantage of the opportunity to hit on Paige Davis. (What is up with Paige’s hair this season? It looks really bad. I mean, so I’ve been told. It’s not like I spend my Saturday nights watching Trading Spaces or anything.)
· Created the Executive Comedy Unified Scientific Measurement Index (otherwise referred to as the EXCUSMI scale). Units of measurement include the barrel of monkeys and the Snickers fun size bar.
· Acknowledged that as president he was subservient to Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. I’m not making this up. There really was an Emperor Norton I during this time period. He lived in San Francisco, printed his own money and was viewed as a sort of civic leader. He might be my favorite person in American history just because he shows that America is a country where anyone can be a king.
· Invented invisible ink. Patent went unfiled because it was unreadable.
· B stands for “Bad Ass”
· Was the first president to use a telephone. First call was to Domino’s Pizza where he ordered a Meat Lover’s Supreme whose delivery was delayed by secret service agents long enough for him to receive the three dollar discount (or $5,287 adjusting for inflation.)
· Shot a man in Reno once just to watch him die
· Universally considered the best president named Rutherford that this country has ever had.
It’s Presidents Day and if I worked for a more patriotic company I’d have had the day off today. Instead I sat in a cube running spreadsheets. This gave me plenty of time to ruminate on Presidents Day and how we have moved from celebrating Washington and Lincoln to celebrating all presidents. I figured that this would be the opportune time for me to present a quick overview of my favorite president of all time. Here are your fun facts for the nineteenth president of the United States: Rutherford B. Hayes.
· Like all presidents, was born in Ohio.
· Attended Kenyon College. Or at least lived in a dorm there while listening to Grateful Dead records.
· Voted “best beard of all bearded presidents” by the American Beardological Society
· Became president despite losing the popular vote. Surprisingly, did not use this fact to invade a middle eastern nation under spurious circumstances.
· Once described the State of the Union as “just peachy”.
· Enacted a robust foreign policy consisting of speaking slowly and loudly to all foreign ambassadors.
· Successfully prevented the Earth from falling into the sun during his presidency.
· Three time winner of the Indy 500.
· Became the first president to be featured on Trading Spaces. While upset with Hildi’s redesign of the Oval Office he did take advantage of the opportunity to hit on Paige Davis. (What is up with Paige’s hair this season? It looks really bad. I mean, so I’ve been told. It’s not like I spend my Saturday nights watching Trading Spaces or anything.)
· Created the Executive Comedy Unified Scientific Measurement Index (otherwise referred to as the EXCUSMI scale). Units of measurement include the barrel of monkeys and the Snickers fun size bar.
· Acknowledged that as president he was subservient to Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. I’m not making this up. There really was an Emperor Norton I during this time period. He lived in San Francisco, printed his own money and was viewed as a sort of civic leader. He might be my favorite person in American history just because he shows that America is a country where anyone can be a king.
· Invented invisible ink. Patent went unfiled because it was unreadable.
· B stands for “Bad Ass”
· Was the first president to use a telephone. First call was to Domino’s Pizza where he ordered a Meat Lover’s Supreme whose delivery was delayed by secret service agents long enough for him to receive the three dollar discount (or $5,287 adjusting for inflation.)
· Shot a man in Reno once just to watch him die
· Universally considered the best president named Rutherford that this country has ever had.
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