What's the world got in store...

So after a week of writing about Valentine’s Day, begging for dates and just being my old bitter self I feel compelled to address the comments on my romantic prospects. Or, to put in bluntly, just what the hell am I doing here? How in the world have I not picked up a girlfriend by now?

As someone who constantly uses football metaphors in discussing relationships I appreciate being referred to as “a late round steal of a draft pick.” That’s probably the best description of myself that I could ever come up with. I’m not flashy, I’m not the guy who walks into the bar and has every girl wanting to be with him. I don’t look like a movie star, I look like one of the accountants who tabulates the votes for the Oscars. But, as I’ve always been told I’m not the type of guy you want to date, I’m the type of guy you want to marry. I accepted this when I was in college. Now it worries me a bit more. You’d think it would have come true by now.

So why hasn’t it happened? Some of it is just dumb luck. On several occasions I’ve met and gone out with someone I felt was right for me. But then one of us had to move away or the time wasn’t right in our lives or events just got in the way. If things were different maybe things would have worked out or maybe they wouldn’t have. It really doesn’t matter. That’s just life. The question is why I don’t try harder.

Part of it is that I’m just a naturally shy person. That’s strange coming from someone who posts his every thought for the world to see but it is true. I tend to keep to myself and it takes a while to figure out what type of person I really am. So going out and meeting people and taking that risk of asking someone out is a bit of a stressor to me.

I don’t think I’m entirely afraid of rejection, at least not in terms of asking someone out. Those rejections tend not to bother me. Some people don’t like me, not a big deal. I’m much more bothered by the breakups or in my case the breakups without actually breaking up. Since I’ve moved here I’ve never had anyone go “I’m sorry EC but it’s just not working out.” They just stop returning my calls. If there is one thing that I can’t stand about dating it is that. Call me an asshole, call me an arrogant prick, say that you can’t date someone who owns his own lightsaber but at least acknowledge my existence. I really get sick of spending a month calling the girl, getting her voicemail and continuing the charade until I start wondering when the stalking charge is going to be filed. Just tell me you don’t like me. I know it’s a tough thing to say to a nice guy but I would appreciate the honesty.

(And trust me, when the Clone Wars begin (and they will) you will wish that you had someone with his own lightsaber by your side.)

But the big question that was posed in the comments is the fact that I’m not in a relationship what bugs me or the fact that I haven’t found the right girl that is an issue. I’d have to say it is the latter. I don’t define myself by who I am with and I can have fun by myself. No one understands that going to a concert by myself can be a ton of fun but it is. What bothers me is that I haven’t been able to meet that one person who keeps my interest and makes me feel those brief moments of infinity that you get when you fall in love. And I know she is out there somewhere and I just haven’t caught her at the right moment yet.

Do I have too high of standards? Most likely. Do I take enough risks and go out just to see what happens? Nowhere near enough. Are these addressable issues? Thankfully yes. There is hope for me after all.

So what happens now? I’m in a bit of a weird spot. I’ll almost certainly be moving in the next couple of months. That is a benefit for me as I tend to meet someone when I know I’ll be gone soon. That way I don’t fear failure as much. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? If I screw up horribly it’s not like I’m going to be running into her on a regular basis. That helps to put me at ease. I think mainly what I want to do is just get myself in the mindset of putting myself out there and seeing what will happen. Waiting isn’t benefiting me anymore. I just have to go up to the plate and start swinging.

I’m not sure if this post makes sense. It probably doesn’t help that I was listening to the Obama victory speech while writing it. But I really do want to find someone in this world who will be there for me. And I know she’s out there and that while I’m not a knight in shining armor I’m a nice guy with a propensity to speak in Monty Python quotes. That has to count for something in this world. All I have to do is find her. Shouldn’t be too difficult now, could it?