Random note of the evening: While leaving work I saw a car with a COREY license plate. This gave me the momentary hope that Corey Feldman worked at my office as I couldn’t imagine anyone else having a COREY license plate. (I doubt Corey Haim can even afford a car.) I’d just like to walk up to him at the cafeteria and go “Dude, you were awesome in Meatballs 4.”
(That was the version of Meatballs that featured water skiing. Yes, I’ve seen it. I am not proud of that fact. Doesn’t matter how many foreign films I see I doubt I’ll be able to live that one down.
So I had nearly one taker on the Get EC out of his apartment on Valentine’s Day contest. Looks like I’ll have to up the ante. Not only am I offering a dinner at the Outback Steakhouse (it’s like having dinner in Sydney if you imagined Australia resembling a mall parking lot) but I will now throw in dessert at Dairy Queen as well. I would go for Baskin Robbins but 31 flavors? That’s too rich for my blood. Plus, they offer things like French Vanilla and they are therefore unpatriotic and cannot be trusted.
(You think I’m joking but remember that Kansas just voted for Mike Huckabee. I’m surprised there aren’t pickets outside Baskin Robbins for that fact alone.)
Switching gears here as I have something a little more serious and interesting to write about. (Though really, if anyone wants a dinner date at any time look me up. I might as well make the time I have left in this town interesting.) It came up during the commentary to the movie Once and it is something that is really applicable to where I am now.
It focused on why the movie was called Once despite the fact that there is nothing in the movie that would indicate what that would mean. John Carney the director described it as an Irish condition where you find really intelligent, witty guys hanging out at the bar behind a pint of Guinness going “Once I get a job, once I write my script, once I leave home…” but never going anywhere other than the end of the bar. They’re brilliant people but they are frozen behind their pints. As you could guess this is something I can identify with.
It’s amazing how quickly my life can get frozen in place. As my friend Erik once pointed out, I put my better days in the future, which is an awfully poor place for them. It’s always been once I meet someone, once I figure out what I want to do with myself, once I find time to write my novel, then I’ll be happy. I never make headway on those goals; in some instances I seem to be intentionally be working in the opposite direction. I know why this is even though it is something I am loathe to admit.
Basically it is easier for me to accept my inadequate life than face the risk of failing at my dreams. It’s easy to think about in terms of my writing: if I sit down and write a novel and it is horrible then my entire dream of being a writer is shot and the fantasy really keeps me going. It’s worse though when you think of it in terms of meeting people, dating, having relationships, however you want to describe it. If you open yourself up to someone you run the risk of being hurt and you have to ask yourself whether you want to risk pain in order to obtain happiness. Or if a blah life is acceptable.
What I’m hoping for is that the fact that I’m taking the separation package and having the world in front of me will break me out of this fog. I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything. I’ve spent my life setting myself up to be in precisely this situation. For once, I can let myself fail. If I can convince myself that failure can be the best thing that can happen to me I might just become the person I envision myself to be.
1 comment:
Child, you are a writer if you hadn't noticed! How many years have you been writing this long-winded blog of yours? You are a writer!!!!!
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