Oscar Blog 2006

6:50 P.M.: Coming to you live from the Media Center at EC Manor it is time for Oscar Blog 2006. Commentating tonight will be myself and… well, it’s just me again. Dude, my parties suck.

6:51 P.M.: Ok, you know the drill, I’m going to watch the Oscars and comment as things go along. As opposed to last year I don’t have as much of a rooting interest in this year’s ceremonies, other than in Best Song. This means probably a lot more mean spirited comments on how rich people dress. Plus, it is the Oscars and as Richard Roeper wrote earlier this week, “You have to admit that the Oscars are just a Little League awards banquet on steroids. What they are doing is giving prizes for pretending better than other people pretend.”

6:53 P.M.: Wow, Chris Connelly is still alive. Now if we find Kurt Loder and Tabitha Soren we can have a whole MTV News reunion. Actually, what did happen to Tabitha Soren? Was I the only one who was really into her in college?

7:02 P.M.: Ok, solid opening about choosing an Oscar host. Still, at least they weren’t down to choosing Howie Mandel. And I like Jon Stewart so I’m pulling for him tonight.

7:08 P.M.: Jack Nicholson is in traditional front row seat this year. He doesn’t have to actually appear in any films, or at least any good films, just show up, go “I’m Jack”, and he’s escorted to the front.

7:10 P.M.: What does Charlize Theron have on her shoulder? A boombox? That is not looking good at all.

7:18 P.M.: I’m pulling for George Clooney, if only for the potential Facts of Life shoutout. And he actually wins! Come on, please yell “Tootie this one’s for you.” It will make my life complete. Really good acceptance speech.

7:26 P.M.: See, Tom Hanks thanked Hooch. It’s not unprecedented.

7:31 P.M.: Did the orchestra just play Reese Witherspoon on with an upbeat version of Ring of Fire? There is no such thing as an upbeat version of that song.

7:32 P.M.: Wallace and Grommit won, which is cool since what they do is so incredibly difficult. Plus, Howl’s Moving Castle doesn’t match up to Miyzaki’s best work with Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away. And yes, for those of you who wonder what Princess Mononoke is on my profile, it is this brilliant anime film that should be required viewing.

7:36 P.M.: Did Dolly Parton just give a shout out to Dollywood? Now that is a businesswoman for you.

7:50 P.M.: I love the tradition of having animated characters give out the animation awards. Completely meaningless use of technology though this year we get the “Why the hell doesn’t Donald Duck wear pants?” issue. Plus, he wears a sailor suit and hangs out with his “nephews”. Once we address this hopefully we can get to the “What the hell is Goofy anyway?”

7:52 P.M.: So we are giving a shout out to biography in films? Ok, this is your typical award show filler but do we have to perpetuate the myth of Jim Morrison being famous and worth remembering. Please, no more Doors references. This would be like twenty years from now there being movies made about INXS.

8:01 P.M.: The scientific and technical awards! My favorite awards since they are the only ones that I might still have a chance of winning (I’d be really hard pressed to pull off a screenwriting award). Plus, I love the fact that they have the hot actress at the time host the show since let’s be honest, it’s not like guys like me will have many other chances of meeting Rachel McAdams.

8:05 P.M.: Who would have thought that Michelle Williams would have been the cast member from Dawson’s Creek to get an Oscar nomination? She’s looking darn good tonight, which is something that I would not have anticipated based on Dawson’s Creek either. Rachel Weisz takes home Supporting Actress, which is nice. She’s a good actress and deserves the recognition.

8:12 P.M.: Lauren Bacall lost her last chance at an Oscar to the brilliant Juliette Binoche, one of the regulars on my perfect mate list. I just mentioned that because I want people to remember Juliette Binoche. She did introduce the tribute to Flim Noir, which is one of my favorite film styles ever. Any style that just consists of Bogart being a bad ass, great dialogue and the occasional Robert Mitchum rampage is high on my list.

8:21 P.M.: I’m going with the idea that Charlize’s dress comes with its own pillow. Documentary film is one of the best categories of this year. March of the Penguins wins, which is a popular choice, but you really owe it to yourself to see Enron (especially if you work in any type of corporate environment) and Murderball (to see that there is nothing in life that can set you back without your own consent).

8:24 P.M.: We just introduced Jennifer Lopez as an actress. That is really stretching the definition of that term.

8:33 P.M.: Ok, who decided to pair Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves as presenters? Are we supposed to have some great memories of Speed arise to make our lives more complete? And do we really need to listen to Keanu Reeves read off a teleprompter with so little emotion they might as well be using a Speak and Spell?

8:41 P.M.: You know what I miss from the Oscar ceremomy? What happened to the three minute discussion of how the voting process occurs including the introduction of the accounting firm that tracks the voting? That was some of the best television of the year as they were forced to make accounting look glamorous.

8:57 P.M.: I see that the Oscars are still in the “Please go to the movies mode.” Like the epic majesty of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo cannot be fully appreciated on DVD. I do like the fact that Jon Stewart has called out the fact that there has just been a boatload of montages this year. And we still haven’t gotten to the “In Memoriam” montage.

9:13 P.M.: It is really good to see Robert Altman getting an honorary Oscar. When I first started to get really into movies from an artistic standpoint (as opposed to the see the big shoot ‘em up, big sex ‘em up films) two of the films that I watched were The Player and Short Cuts. Both just seemed to explain that you could do more with film than just tell a story from A to Z . That’s when it really started to dawn on me that there is much more you can do with a medium than what everyone else does.

9:18 P.M.: Ludacris is a presenter? Well, that is cool. And this does lead to my favorite moment of the night since the Three 6 Mafia is in the hiz-ouse. Yes, I am the whitest person in existence to ever utter that phrase. But do we need the interpretive dancers in this performance? We never get those during the annual Randy Newman song.

9:23 P.M.: Yes! It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won for Best Song! After years of having Phil Collins and Aerosmith take home friggin Oscars (and for crying out loud, Counting Crows was nominated last year) we get the Three 6 Mafia winning one. Man, this is why I watch these things. Plus, this song just confirms what the Godfather said all those years ago, “Pimpin ain’t easy.”

9:34 P.M.: We have the traditional In Memoriam segment. Very glad to see a mention of Fayrad Nicholas, who ninety nine percent of the people in the world have never heard of but if you have ever seen tape of the Nicholas Brothers you will be amazed that human beings could do some of the things that they did. But the Memoriam segment is still this weird “Let’s see who can get the most applause” moment in which the director of The Sound of Music loses out to Mr. Miyagi.

9:47 P.M.: Best Actor goes to Phillip Seymour Hoffman in another deserving award. Just watching clips of him doing Capote shows him really embracing the role as opposed to just become a caricature of Capote, which is really easy because Capote became a caricature of Capote in his later years. Plus, he is one of those actors who has been in great roles for about the past decade without anyone noticing while we are subjected to leading men like Vin Diesel in The Pacifier.

9:50 P.M.: I’ve got to say this again, Michelle Williams is in the front row and looks damn good in that dress. I mean, seriously, she is stealing the show by just sitting there. I believe that we can officially state that I am smitten.

9:55 P.M.: John Travolta is a two-time Academy Award nominee? When the hell did that happen? Pulp Fiction I understand. What was the other one for? Did he actually get nominated for Saturday Night Fever? Or Staying Alive?

9:59 P.M.: It’s Best Actress time. For the record, all you need to do to get nominated is to appear in a Jane Austen film. I think it’s a law or something. Reese Witherspoon wins for playing June Carter Cash. Big win for her and she is one of those actresses who has gone from playing high school students in Election to being a comedy star to really being a legitimate actress. Not a path that you see the American Pie stars following. (But I want to cheer Felicity Huffman for getting nominated. Any time one of the stars of Sports Night does something well it should be noted.)

10:07 P.M.: Ok, my local news report just said that there is a Guinness flavored ice cream. I’m…I’m…I’m probably never going to leave the house now. Especially once I get banned from Baskin-Robbins.

10:10 P.M.: Maybe I might have a shot at Screenplay someday. I’ve never actually learned how to write in that manner though given that I now write a lot of dialogue I might be able to do it. It might take twenty years but Affleck and Damon won in this category so it can’t be too difficult.

10:20 P.M.: Note to Ang Lee: Just because we’ve given you an Oscar doesn’t mean that we’ve forgotten about The Hulk. How could you screw up that franchise? It’s The Hulk. He’s big, he's green and he breaks stuff. It is not a challenge to make a film under that premise.

10:23 P.M.: And in a minor upset, Crash wins Best Picture. Well, actually, it was the underdog for a while but in the past week a lot of people thought that it would win. Still, lots of positives here. A film released earlier in the year wins the Oscar. Plus, always good to see a meaningful film win. A really good night overall for the Oscars.

The five random CDs of the week:
1) The Iguanas “Sugar Town”
2) Chris Mills “Every Night Fight For Your Life”
3) Blake Babies “God Bless the Blake Babies”
4) Caitlin Cary “While You Weren’t Looking”
5) The Sundays “reading, writing and arithmetic”