One of the hard and fast rules of this blog has always been that I never talk about work. A lot of people have found that strange; you would think that the place that takes up a good third of my life would get a lot more focus. Instead I’ve tried to put it to the side since a) my life really does revolve around spreadsheets and the only thing more boring than reading about spreadsheets is writing about them, b) there typically isn’t anything to write about that wouldn’t take a long setup to even explain and c) it’s a company that no one would ever claim has a good sense of humor. But two things have occurred that will make me grant a one day waiver to the rule. The first is that I’ve made 350 posts and they haven’t fired me yet, so I think that I might have some leeway here. The other is that it is physically impossible for me not to write on the following subject. (Oh, and it was requested as well so at least I have someone to blame if this goes horribly wrong.)
I work for a large corporation. A massively large corporation. On Tuesday I timed it and it took me fifteen minutes from the moment that I entered company property to when I stepped into my cubicle. So hopefully that gives you a sense of scale. Obviously, like most offices we have a security staff who for the most part have been very good natured and gracious, especially given that most of their job responsibilities are signing in visitors and dealing with employees who have forgotten their ID badge. Heck, one went above and beyond the call when Maggie actually dropped her CD off at the security desk for me and he was able to track me down and give it to me. All of this is to give the next bit a little more context.
Last week while walking between buildings to go to a meeting I ran into one of the security guys and he was riding a Segway. You know what a Segway is, one of those motorized standing scooters that were developed to revolutionize the way people get hit by cars. I didn’t know quite what to make of it as I hustled to my meeting, I just assumed that I had a really late night the night before and was imagining things. Nope, not the case as on the internal website we are proudly stating that we are using Segways for the security staff. In the blurb they mentioned what might be the single most amazing statement that I’ve seen in a corporate document. One of the main reasons behind this was for “improved crowd control.”
Yes, I work in an office where there is a serious discussion as to how to best manage crowd control. Apparently, there are near daily riots that I am not aware of that need to be put down before a large portion of Kansas erupts into a state of near chaos. And the best, no may I be so bold as to state the only, way to keep the situation under control is to put a guy with a bicycle helmet on an oversized scooter and have him zoom around the sidewalk. I bet that there were meetings held to discuss this very scenario. Sometimes I just have to shake my head, wonder what the hell they put in the water in Kansas, and then remind myself to only drink bottled water from now on.
Ok, switching topics I have one last Oscar story (other than if you go to Youtube.com you can pull up a clip of Tom Hanks swearing at the orchestra for playing the Forrest Gump theme as he takes the stage to hand out Best Director.) There is one film that was definitely, definitely screwed over in the entire Oscar process. They didn’t get nominated and this astounds me. I am talking, of course, of the complete and utter oversight of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for Best Adapted Screenplay. How did this not get nominated? Do you know how bloody difficult it must be to write a full movie around a magical pair of jeans? You try it, I bet that at about the fifteen minute mark you’d go “This entire thing is insane” and give up. But did they? No, they went through and finished an entire motion picture in which the entire plot hinges on denim. Where’s the props for that?
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