Bracketology 368

Kind of short on ideas tonight so I’m going to take the easy way out and give a breakdown of my bracket…

Atlanta or South Regional: If you feel like picking a team solely on the basis of their nickname the Gaels of Iona would be a good upset choice here. When in doubt, never take the school that has the full name of a person so bet against George Washington in the eight-nine game. I’ve got Southern Illinois as my upset special because the Salukis (which were the guard dogs for the Egyptian pharaohs) would kick the ass of a Mountaineer in a fight. In the end, I’ve got Duke over Iowa in the regional final since A) Duke is the best team in this bracket and B) Duke always beats Iowa.

Washington D.C. or East Regional: We should never have gotten rid of the directional names. Just saying. Anyway, there is no way in the world that Tennessee deserves a number two seed but I would still pencil them in to the Sweet 16 because I can’t see them losing to a team from Wichita. Remember, Wichita St. is made up of players who willingly chose to go to school in Wichita. Based on that alone I can’t trust their decision making in a pressure filled tournament game. I really want to show Illinois in an upset here but I think that they will run into a Uconn team that will actually decide to play and win their way into the Final Four by beating North Carolina (who might lose in the first round. I have no idea where Carolina will really end up).

Minneapolis or Midwest Regional: Let’s see, we’ve got Florida coached by that fat piece of (bleep) Billy Donovan who will probably lead his team to the Sweet Sixteen while chowing down on Krispey Kreemes. (Yeah, I have a feud with Donovan that goes way back) I’ve heard people talk about Georgetown as an upset special but I really can’t go for a team that Notre Dame should have beaten three times over the course of the year. If you want to go for an upset take a really tough Boston College team but I’m going to write my third number one seed into the Final Four with Villanova squeaking by a surprisingly good Ohio State squad.

Oakland or West Regional: Also known as the “Who the hell is going to win this one?” regional. I so want to pick Bradley over Kansas but can’t. I will say that the Bradley-Kansas game is going to be of huge interest to me because a) a number of my siblings went to Bradley, b) I’m surrounded by Kansas fans, c) it’s on St. Patrick’s Day and d) the combination of those things means that the odds that I will be in a bar brawl are pretty damn high. Instead, I’ve got Kansas in the Elite Eight but will be really happy when they lose early and cost me money. In the end I’m going with Gonzaga because you’ve just got to go with the team with the dude sporting the porn star mustache.

Final Four: In the Uconn-Villanova battle you’ve got to take Uconn. Duke-Gonzaga will finally give us the Redick-Morrison matchup, which Redick will win when Duke realizes that no one else on Gonzaga can score and they unleash the first ever quintuple team. That leaves us with Duke-Uconn facing each other for the fifth time since 1990. The last two times Uconn won even though they didn’t have the better team. This time they clearly have the better team. So go with Duke because I just see Uconn choking away this one and Duke becoming the first team to go through an entire tournament without having a single foul called on them.