Audience participation time...

I’ll start off with props to two of my schools, Illinois and Duke, for getting number one seeds and winning the Big Ten and ACC. Illinois has a pretty good bracket (I’m a bit worried about Oklahoma State) and with the “no need to get on a plane” setup they might make their first final four in sixteen years. Duke is going to have a bit of a challenge but given that I thought that they would be a four seed I’m just happy that they’ve won the ACC. I’m still pissed that Notre Dame and DePaul are in the NIT. I really wanted more out of them. Oh well, next couple of weeks should be interesting.

Now for what I’ve been wanting to write about for the past few days. In a conversation with one of my long time drinking buddies the topic of my social life (or lack of it) came up. And I came up with one of my great lines, “Much like Notre Dame, this independent schedule is killing me. I really need to join a conference.” Meaning that I’ve got to do something a bit more organized than going to the same bars every night. And one of the things that he suggested (or more accurately, dared) that I do was talk to one of those dating services places. You know the ones where they set you up for dinner with random people and you see what happens.

Given the fact that I’ve seen Ani Difranco on a dare, calling up this place seemed to be perfectly reasonable. I figured that there were two possibilities A) either this is going to be really useful and interesting or b) it’s going to be so funny that it will make a great blog posting. I’m still not sure which one is currently in effect.

See, I called the place last week and got information. Well, first I talked to an incredibly peppy woman who was so happy I called and was really excited to hear from me. That’s probably my first concern, as I am dealing with someone who is more upbeat than I would be after about six tabs of ecstasy. So, I got the details: they’ve set up over 4,000 meetings over the last year, they’ve got a clientele in their 20s and 30s and 40s, almost all are college grads and a large number have advanced degrees, I’d be guaranteed 16 dates in the next year, and it would cost me fifteen hundred bucks.

Yes, that last number is correct.

No, I still don’t believe that figure. It raises the following questions:

1) Is the market rate for a finder fee for setting me up on a date really $100?
2) More accurately, is anyone reading this willing to submit a lower bid?
3) While I’ll always agree with the statement that desperate times call for desperate measures, this seems to conjure up images of going mosquito hunting with a bazooka.
4) I’m trying to think of just what else I could do with $1500 that would be more enjoyable. Hell, that’s a vacation in New Orleans for me. Or I could revamp my entire wardrobe. Or pay for the liposuction and get those pec implants that I’ve always had my eyes on. (That last one is a joke. I mean, pec implants do exist but it’s just not my style)
5) What kind of person throws down that type of change for a service like this? I mean, it does guarantee a pretty high level of clientele but I’m really at a loss.

(Fun fact # 1: while talking to the incredibly peppy woman she asked me to tell a bit of my story. Gave her my quick spiel: from Chicago, went to B-School, got a job out here, and am having a hell of a time meeting people. Her response: “You’re from Chicago? Oh, you must feel like you’re in a different world out here.” You know, when the dating service goes, “You’re completely screwed” it’s just not a good sign.)

So here is where we currently stand. I have not spent any money on this. But I do have an appointment scheduled later this week to meet with them and talk about the situation some more. Given when I scheduled it, there is an incredibly high possibility that I will show up for this interview hungover, unshaven and wearing a Speed Racer t-shirt. And that’s if I decide to go through with it. And that is where you, my faithful reader(s) come in.

I need advice and I need it rapidly. Does this sound like a good idea? Or should I just give the money to charity, claim the good karma, and just go out and try harder? If I do it and write about it in the blog, does it qualify as a tax writeoff? So I’m looking for ideas. Anyone who wants to chime in, throw out a better option, donate to the cause, whatever, post your comments. Trust me, all ideas are welcome right about now. I have a feeling that the comedy potential of this is out of sight but this might be a bit too much to do just for a laugh.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Loreena McKennit “Live in Paris and Toronto”
2) John Wesley Harding “Awake”
3) Old 97’s “Fight Songs”
4) Various Artists “Emerald Rock” (A rather fitting entry for the week)
5) The subdues “Miracle Mule”