Mistakes? I've made a few...

In honor of the upcoming holiday I thought that I would delve back into the wonderful world of relationship advice. Or more accurately, I’ll give my opinion on the wonderful online advice provided by Yahoo! Personals, which is quite possibly the only dating advice site that results in my calling up my old blueprints on how to build a robotic soulmate. Because that would be much easier than figuring out these instructions.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/62971/5-biggest-dating-mistakes-that-single-men-make

So let’s look at men’s biggest dating mistakes and compare that to my experience. Because let’s face it, if there is a dating mistake out there I have made it.

1) Men show off or try to impress too much: Ok, I understand that my rattling off my resume as though you are a potential employer is probably not the best tactic to make. But aren’t I supposed to talk about myself? If you ask me what I do isn’t it in my best interest to mention my nice job? When you ask where I went to school isn’t it proper to mention my MBA? It’s not showing off if I’m stating facts.

Yes, men should ask questions on the date. We need to show interest about who you are and what you are doing. But I don’t see why I can’t mention my good qualities.

Also, I love the fact that I am instructed to not try to show off where elsewhere on the site it states that if I ever want to have a second date how important it is that I wear good shoes. Because for some reason that is considered to be the best metric in determining someone’s value as a mate.

2) Men don’t listen to us when we’re talking: It’s not that we are not listening. It’s just that there is a rather interesting hockey game taking place over your left shoulder and we are trying to remember who is the goalie for the Nashville Predators. Ninety percent of men find that piece of information to be more important than your discussion of how much you love scrapbooking.

Ok, I’ll admit that I am guilty of this one. But that is just because I get bored easily. I start off every date listening intently and as the date goes on I can feel my interest in the woman and the conversation slowly wane. That is why what I am really looking for in a woman is someone who doesn’t bore me. If you can keep me interested conversation after conversation I’ll pretty much walk through a wall for you.

At least I don’t actively check out other women while on a date. Though if I’m checking my phone it is usually a sign that I am hoping beyond hope that someone will call me to free me from this date because otherwise I am going to have to reach over the bar and stick my hand in the blender just so I will no longer have to listen to the woman talk about her cat.

3) Men aren’t chivalrous: For once, a rule that I am on the right side of. I am old fashioned and caring. I open doors, I walk my date to the door, I even stand on the side nearest the street when we walk side by side so in the situation that a car bounds upon the sidewalk I will go sprawling across the hood instead of her. Except that I’ve had someone break up with me partly because I did all of these things and she thought it was silly. And I screwed up with the librarian solely because I did not pick up the check.

This is why I feel that all relationships should begin with a checklist. A handoff of information telling me whether you want me to be old fashioned or an enlightened male. Every step of the relationship could then follow the flow chart with both parties initialing what steps have been completed. This will make the mating process much more efficient in my mind.

4) Men don’t take initiative: I actually agree with this one. If there is any huge flaw in my dating tactics. Whenever I am out and the woman asks “what do you want to do” my answer is “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” In part this is because like most men it is very difficult for me to change my routine. I can’t really answer the question with “Well, since it is Saturday I typically lie on the couch all day and then go to the bar and get blitzed.” It’s tough to think of activities that do not immediately involve alcohol.

But the main issue here that I deal with is the struggle to find something that is interesting that the woman would not immediately hate. I always feel pressured to make every moment perfect. A relationship is like a minefield to me. I feel as though one wrong step and poof, the woman of my dreams will suddenly disappear. Even worse I don’t have a map to follow. So I try to get her to take the lead because in doing so I hope that I can avoid some of the biggest mistakes. Except that in doing so I show that I have no confidence and without confidence I am pretty much worthless. So the key is to have the courage to make that first step and hope that things don’t turn out too badly.

5) Men say they’ll call and then don’t: I’m sorry but I always call. How about this one. You call the woman, get her voice mail, and leave a message. A few days pass and you call again and leave another message. A week passes and still no response. After consulting with your lawyer you determine that you are allowed one last phone call to state your interest before withdrawing in defeat and despair. In the end, the guy isn’t even acknowledged as existing.

I know I’ve made this rant before but there is nothing in the realm of dating that I hate more than this. I don’t care if you don’t like me and don’t want to see me again. Ok, I care but at least if I know about it I can address it. All I want is the acknowledgement that I exist. This should go both ways. Men should call, women should return the call. It would make things so much more pleasant.

At least I can say that I am improving on this front. Or at least I think I am. Life can be awfully strange sometimes…

Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ll keep with the romantic theme with Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter”. Romance is a messy thing and Damien knows how to express that fact.

Damien Rice MTV Music