Lots of topics to cover tonight before I head out to the bars. Don’t worry, I’m taking tomorrow off as a “Mental Health Day”. I love that phrase, I read it a few years back to describe taking a day off from work just because your mind and body has been telling you that they have no desire to sit in a box for yet another day. No real plans for tomorrow or this weekend, which is the entire point. It’s taking a day off just to have a day off.
Anyway, one last point on the Lindsay Lohan thread. I think I need to do a little “show what goes on behind the curtain” when it comes to writing the blog on this topic. See, as Erik correctly points out and my Perfect Mate list will once again confirm, I lean heavily towards indie chicks. The problem is of the ten people who read my blog I estimate that one or two nod their heads when I mention Neko Case or Lisa Hannigan, another one or two go “I’m pretty sure that is some musician that EC was rambling about at two in the morning one time” and the remainders go “Who the hell is that” and immediately skip to the next paragraph in the hope that I’ve written something interesting for a change. But when I write about my beloved at least I know that people know who I’m writing about. And remember the blog’s golden rule “75 percent of what I write is fact, 25 percent is fiction, and I never explain which part is which.”
(And I hope that I have ten readers. I haven’t audited that number nor do I have any desire to but man, please let me know that I have reached double digits.)
Next topic, the battle for Pluto, much like my innocence, has been lost. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so upset reading a news story at work before because this is just an absolute travesty. Eight planets? What type of solar system has eight planets? Pluto has its own moon for crying out loud but it isn’t a planet? Just because it has this bizarre orbit doesn’t mean that it should be declassified. That just makes it unique. I want to file an official grievance on this subject. Plus, it is going to totally screw up my trivia game whenever anyone asks a question about the planets.
And think about all of the science textbooks in Kansas that are now going to be wrong? Oh wait, they were all wrong in the first place. Yes I know, intelligent design is a plausible theory along with the belief that the universe was made by a flying spaghetti monster and that global warming is caused by a reduction in pirates. (Think about it, as we got rid of guys yelling “Argh me matey” while having parrots sit on their shoulder the planet warmed up. An obvious correlation there.)
Finally, Forbes magazine came out with their list of the drunkest cities in America. And we here at Battling the Current have to tip our hat to long time contributor Super Dave for leading Milwaukee to its number one ranking. I know that all of those comments at two in the morning were for a higher purpose. Wow, wonder what the celebration will be like in the drunkest city in the land?
Sadly, my slacking ways apparently got the better of me as I was only able to coax a 16th place finish out of Kansas City. What’s worse is that we tied with Cincinnati, which is not a town known for its partying ways. As in the place is just slightly more lively than Salt Lake City. But I am proud to state that Kansas City ranked number one in alcoholism, which just shows that what we lack in numbers we make up for in pure dedication. (For the record, I consider myself a drunkard. I drink but it is done with style and panache.) Plus, we finally have something to add to the travel brochures besides saying we have the most fountains of any city other than Rome.
But I am very disappointing to report that Miami ranked 33rd out of 35 cities, being beaten out by such hotspots as Indianapolis and Norfolk. What’s worse is they ranked next to last in the all important “binge drinking” category. So Erik, I’m looking to you to improve your adopted hometown’s standing. As an original inhabitant of the Twin Cities (ranked second overall) you need to set a good example to all of the club kids down there and show them that the purpose of going out is not to drink fifteen dollar vodka tonics to a bass beat that continues to thump in three four time for five hours straight. No, the purpose of an evening out is to be playing quarters in a bar where your feet stick to the floor while there is an old guy sitting in the same seat he’s been in for the last fifteen years. Now that’s good entertainment.
2 comments:
Point of clarification, Miami is not my adopted hometown. More like an unwanted step child. Nobody in their right mind would adopt this town anymore than a desperate couple would adopt an aborted fetus. But you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that the reason we are dead last in binge drinking is because nobody can afford it. If you plan on taking a chick to dinner then dancing at club, you're looking at an easy $500 night, no sweat. Think how far $500 would get you at the Backer. Hell, if you add up what you, me & Super have spent at the Backer in our lives I think it comes out to about 75 bucks.
One more thing EC, it's time once again for the annual Beloit List, in honor I say Battling The Current dedicates one posting to our own Beloit List.
The list could address such topics as going to computer labs in order to send this new thing called email, the post hair-band movement, 120 minutes, Beavis & Butt-head and other cultural zeitgeists of our day. I swear it feels like two weeks ago that I checked into room 411 Sullivan Hall. Weird.
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