Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy

(Editor’s Note: Slight holdup on the Perfect Mate list, mainly because I realized that there is going to be a lot of overlap between the 2004 and 2006 lists. And I hated what I wrote last night so I’m going to go back and redo my comments on the 1996 list. I’ll probably post it on Saturday.)

Anyway, today marked my Fantasy Football draft and thus the unveiling of the 2006 lineup for Cobra Kai. (By the way, is there a cooler picture in existence? This is why I am the proud owner of a Cobra Kai t-shirt). Here are my picks, drafting 2nd in a 12 team league with your standard snake draft and no TE requirement

#1: Shaun Alexander RB Seattle
#2: Julius Jones RB Dallas
#3: Larry Fitzgerald WR Arizona
#4: Chester Taylor RB Minnesota
#5: Joey Galloway WR Tampa Bay
#6: Terry Glenn WR Dallas
#7: Marc Bulger QB St. Louis
#8: Reggie Brown WR Philadelphia
#9: Seattle Defense/Special Teams
#10: Eric Moulds WR Houston
#11: Trent Green QB Kansas City
#12: Duce Staley RB Pittsburgh
#13: Jeff Reed K Pittsburgh

Team Breakdown: I think I have a killer group of running backs. Shaun Alexander was an easy pick and I had him as the number one back overall. Julius Jones is an injury risk but he can put up big numbers and fulfills my requirement of having one Notre Dame player on my roster. I think that Chester Taylor was a complete steal in the fourth round (especially given one guy’s mistake of taking Dominick Davis in the second round). With those three guys I should be able to field good teams and have some trade options.

I think that I’m okay at receiver though I’m nervous. I had a choice between Fitzgerald, Owens and Randy Moss and I took Fitzgerald because I had the least number of concerns about him. That was either a great pick or a horrible one. Galloway and Glenn should give me decent numbers week in and week out but neither will win a game for me. Brown and Moulds were picked in the “Well, they’ll have to throw to somebody” principle. This is my first year where I am really concerned about my receiving corps. I have good depth, it’s just that I feel like I have four #3 receivers.

Don’t ask me how Marc Bulger lasted until the seventh round. I know that there are still some injury concerns but as the last guy to take a quarterback I’m more than happy that he was still around. I broke one of my rules of never taking a Kansas City player by taking Trent Green but it was either him or Favre at that point and my hatred for the Packers overrides my dislike of the Chiefs. I was one pick away from getting the Steelers defense and ended up with Seattle, which was ok but not what I was hoping for. Jeff Reed is a kicker and really what else is there to say about him.

Overall, I like my lineup. It was a strange draft with one guy picking up Davis and Koren Robinson and another guy drafting 3 wide receivers and then 5 running backs to start the draft. Not what you would call the standard strategy. But I think that I’ll have a chance this year.

Turning the Wayback Machine to 1996

News Headline: President of Iran challenges Bush to a debate
EC’s immediate reaction: That’s a pretty fair fight given that English isn’t the first language for either of them.

(This coming from a guy who today could not correctly say the word “qualitative” in a presentation. Probably because I subconsciously believe that qualitative results are meaningless when compared to quantitative ones.)

Brought home another trivia victory tonight, thanks to my immense knowledge of the show Survivor. Seriously, it was a category. I knew that project in business school where I predicted the outcome of the show using statistical analysis would come in handy some day. Other than knowing that by mentioning it to people I know that I can freak them out to the point that they back away from me very slowly. Oh, and I was also able to identify a quote from the movie Baseketball, a film that I have to admit that I own on DVD. Yeah, sometimes I wonder what people who stumble across this blog think of me as a person when I admit these things. Then I move on to happier thoughts…

Like my perfect mate list. Now, I haven’t built the latest one, which I’ll try to do over the weekend as it may turn into a multimedia showcase. But I figure that this is a good time to stroll down memory lane and see who I thought was the epitome of the person I’d want to spend the rest of my life with in 1996. (And this was a legit list that I emailed out to friends that February)

#1: Emma Thompson
#2: Jennifer Jason Leigh
#3: Sarah McLachlan
#4: Meg Ryan
#5: Julie Delpy
#6: Juliette Binoche
#7: Tori Amos
#8: Tea Leoni
#9: Kat from Real World: London
#10: Liz Phair

So were they the right call looking at the list ten years later? For the most part, I’d have to say yes. Emma Thompson is still super cool, though as I wrote in the blog in December 2004, somehow I feel that she is now too old for me, which makes absolutely no sense. I would either be blissfully wed to Jennifer Jason Leigh or in therapy, she’s probably too intense for me. This was a pre-Lillith Fair Sarah McLachlan and maybe I’d be able to convince her to make music that doesn’t suck. Meg Ryan, yeah I dodged a bullet on that one. Julie Delpy will be discussed in even more detail in the coming days because, not surprisingly, she is still on the list. (But will she still be #1?)

For the others, nothing that I would be too upset about, though there are a few cases where I wish their careers hadn’t gone down the tubes. Tori Amos and Liz Phair haven’t done anything useful in the new century. But all in all, I could live with most of these choices.

Tomorrow, the 2004 list and my fantasy football picks. Because apparently all aspects of my life are fantasy related.

Metalheads versus Morrisey fans

I finished reading Chuck Klosterman’s “Fargo Rock City” over the weekend and I have a need to go into at least a bit of a discussion of the book. First, I really need to say that Chuck is living the life I would be leading if I had the courage to actually be an English major and a writer when I was in college. He’s a year older than me and is now making a living by writing about pop culture and music, which would be my dream job. When I was seventeen I was faced with the following decision: follow my dreams and become a writer knowing that I would risk having my dreams ripped out from under me or take the safe path and be an electrical engineer and have a guaranteed, well-paying job for the rest of my life. I took the safe path and will forever wonder if it was the right choice.

(And yeah, it says something that I knew that I could do EE at Illinois and have no problems with the material. Officially it is not cockiness when you are just that damn good.)

Anyway, Chuck grew up a heavy metal fan in rural North Dakota and the book is about metal, and specifically hair metal, in the 1980’s. First off, I agree with him that everyone dismisses the entire scene as meaningless, which doesn’t make sense given how huge the sales were at the time. Poison and Motley Crue were the absolute biggest bands on the planet (I think Motley Crue had the most requested video on MTV for a year straight). Then you had Bon Jovi followed by Warrant and Slaughter and Cinderella and every other band that featured guitars, drums and a surprising amount of mascara.

Now I’ll admit that this isn’t my scene at all. In fact, I’d be hard pressed to find a heavy metal CD in my entire collection. In my entire life I have only sold two CDs and both of those were heavy metal CDs I bought in college (Def Leppard purchased to impress a girl (it didn’t work) and Led Zepplin purchased before I realized how much I hate Led Zepplin). I was more of an alternative rock, R.E.M. and U2 in the 80’s kid. Can’t say I fell into the Depeche Mode, Morrisey, and The Cure camp but I definitely felt more at home listening to Michael Stipe than Vince Neil.

Klosterman’s point is that there are two types of people who listen to these different types of bands but in the end they want the same message. Kids like me who listened to R.E.M. were the intelligent outsiders in high school, people who saw how stupid high school was and how everyone around us were complete idiots and no one got the big picture and you felt like maybe you were the only one who thought that way. R.E.M. told you that you a) weren’t alone and b) you’re right and you are smarter and better and cooler than everyone else even if they don’t know it.

Of course, the kids listening to Motley Crue also felt that they were smarter and cooler than everyone else because they listened to Motley Crue, a band that had no undertones whatsoever. They were just “Here we are: sex, drugs and rock and roll. Live life to the fullest man.” And that was unbelievably attractive to a kid in high school who looks around and sees how stupid everything is. Just instead of oft-kilter guitars or Bono waving a white flag they went for sound and fury.

In the end I don’t know if I can argue with Klosterman because the music of your teenage years is so entwined with who you are and who you become I don’t think you can separate it out. I’ll always be an R.E.M. guy, even though I haven’t liked anything the band has done in the past decade. I just always focus on lyrics and meaning and insight into life. Other guys will always be heavy metal guys. I’ll defend what I listened to as a kid to the death, even though I’ve winced when I’ve had to listen to some of the discs when they came up on the random CD list (Rattle and Hum has not aged well).

That’s the point I want to close with. I’ve had a few people ask me why I haven’t moved into the iPod age. I’m still a CD guy, keeping at least one record store afloat with my purchases, and I have an account with Amazon UK for import purposes. And to them it seems silly that I have a significant portion of my apartment dedicated to housing all of these plastics discs. But the thing is, I feel that all you need to do to know who I am is look at that collection. It explains who I am, you can look through it and find a disc that you love and be amazed. Next to it will probably be something that makes you question my sanity (yeah, I don’t know how the Natalie Imbruglia disc got in their either). But the thing is, that is entirely who I am, in musical form. And somehow an iPod playlist just cannot make up for that.

Fame for fame's sake

Yes, I did correctly predict the ending of this chapter of the JonBenet Ramsey story. If this teaches us anything is that you can never underestimate a person’s desire to be famous. Even if it means taking claim for the most horrendous crime imaginable, people will go to any length to feel like their lives actually mean something. That is what happens when you have a culture where self-worth is typically equated to fame and fortune. I really feel that it is the goal of every American to be famous, we all want to be on magazine covers and to be talked about. It’s amazing what people will do just to have a taste of that experience.

(This coming from a guy who has posted somewhere over 300,000 words discussing his life in minute detail for an unknown audience. It’s a somewhat healthier method to reach fame though even I wonder if it is a finish line I ever want to cross.)

Oh and the other lesson of this story is the fact that the news channels went after this story like a pack of rabid dogs even though a) it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t real and b) it really wasn’t much of a news story to begin with. This is what happens when you cross news with entertainment, you suddenly get CNN acting like CSI except that real life isn’t nearly as well written as that show. Again, maybe I am just hoping for a world that is much more intelligent than this one but it would nice for the news to focus on the dozen incredibly important stories that are going on in the world right now instead of this filler. Or at least find another Runaway Bride story, which at least leads to good comedy.

Switching gears, I had a very interesting experience at the Jon Dee Graham concert this weekend. (For those wondering, yes, you can get your own sample of Jon Dee Graham by simply emailing me and asking for Battling the Current: Volume Two. Please do, I’ve got a pile of those discs and if I don’t get rid of them I’ll have to start using them as coasters.) It was a great show with a small crowd but one where basically everyone in the room was a fan. And Jon knew that as he had a hard time bringing himself to shill his new CD when he knew that everyone in the room had already bought a copy.

The big thing is that it was an incredibly funny show. Jon Dee has this wicked sense of humor and it comes out in his between song banter/cigarette breaks. Or when he fires his band in the middle of a song to invite random people onstage to play instead. Random people who just happened to bring their own guitars and effects pedals. (Explanation: he brought on local KC act The Gaslights (which features one of my bartenders on lead guitar) to play the song and figured that it would be funnier to act like he was sick of his own band.) It’s the type of set where you spend half the time laughing.

The reason I wanted to write about this is because it is interesting to me that two of my favorite concerts from this year was this one and The Ditty Bops, both of which I enjoyed more for the humor than for the music though both parts were excellent. And I think that means something when Battling the Current Volume Two can probably be described as very upbeat and uptempo but rather dark. It’s a great disc filled with songs I love and I listen to it all the time but much of it is looking into the dark corners of one’s soul. That’s what happens when Ball and Chain is the second song on the disc. But all this while what I’ve been enjoying the most is just upbeat and happy and funny moments. Which is probably my subconscious telling me that I should really lighten up a bit. Like everything that bubbles its way up from my subconscious, I’ll take it under advisement.

When you wake up feeling old...

You know, I would write about what happened to me Thursday night but it turned into one of those nights where I can’t remember which part was real and which I completely imagined. I know that the cast of Batman was involved at one point as well as my randomly running into my favorite bartender not named Donna who I swore was in Chicago. The full story takes about a half hour to share and let’s just put it this way, for most people it would rank as one of the most insane nights of their entire life. For me, it literally was just another Thursday.

Ok, as requested I’ve downloaded the latest Beloit College Mindset List. (Beloit College: don’t call us a cow college just because our founder was actually a cow). The mindset list puts into perspective what the latest group of college freshmen have experienced in their life and basically, just makes you feel really, really old. Which, given that I am turning thirty three next Monday, isn’t something that I precisely need help in right about now. Still, there are some gems when we talk about the class of 2010, who were born in 1988 when I was a sophomore in high school for crying out loud. Am I that bloody old?

Here are some highlights

#1: The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union: This is a major shift from my generation. I grew up with The Day After, the Lake Placid Olympics, Rocky IV, Red Dawn and countless other examples as to how the Soviets were a) evil and b) likely to launch nuclear warheads at my town before I reached my twenties. To know that college kids can’t even fathom that is amazing, though they (and really we) are now dealing with this faceless fear that is even worse.

#9: A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents’: The Bill-Monica affair would have hit when these kids were ten, which means that they were having the “What technically counts as sex?” discussion back when I still thought that an Atari was a pretty cool game machine. What’s even more is that Vietnam and Watergate, which too me were historical events that I didn’t witness but everyone talked about, our now viewed as ancient history. Much like the fact that my knowledge of Korea consists entirely of old MASH episodes, thus making it a rather wacky war until Hawkeye freaked out on the bus.

#11: A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake: Remember the days before Starbucks? Or when going to a coffee shop was something only leftist intellectuals did? Hell, back when I was in college and would go out with Heather to get coffee it was considered avant garde (as well as being an insanely cheap date). Now high school kids are amped up on espressos and that isn’t good.

#15: They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams: Arizona has held the team for that long? Seriously? How the hell has that franchise not moved to Los Angeles or Vegas by now?

#18: They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication: I thought about this when I was getting my new business cards and listed my fax number. I can’t remember the last time I got a fax. It used to be a daily occurrence and now it seems like the dumbest thing in the world. Just e-mail me a pdf file and get it over with.

#21: Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say: I was thinking about this in terms of ND. Hang out at the Backer late enough and Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer will come on. Now I remember watching the video so for me this is nostalgia for my teenage years when people just had bad tastes in music. But I’ve been thinking about the students, none of whom were older than five when that song came out, who go nuts every time it is played. What is their connection? Do they think it is cool in the same way that people my age freak out to old Village People records even though we have no connection to them? Is this nostalgia for a period that never existed?

#25: Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway: Showing that an entire generation ahs grown up without taste in musicals…

#33: They have no idea why we needed to ask “…can we all just get along?”: This one bothers me because that was freshman year in college, where somehow as a part of this a part of the Illinois library was set on fire. Not kidding, same night someone set a fire in the graduate library. It was a rage against the machine or at least a rage against history textbooks that no one read anyway. Still, that means that today’s freshmen have not experienced one serious riot in their lifetime and I can take that as a good or bad thing.

#43: They are not aware that “flock of seagulls hair” has nothing to do with birds flying into it: Hell, I’m almost too young to remember that. This was a bit of a stretch though you had to love the early days of MTV for making these kinds of references possible. Or the fact that my now writing Madness “Our House” will now have a group of people singing a ska tune for the rest of the day.

#61: Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport: And the world rejoiced. Hey, what else are you going to watch while running on a treadmill in summer? Golf?

#66: Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale: And tuna has never tasted the same since. If there is anything that I say when I eat tuna is that it really needs more dolphin.

And I’ll give one that they didn’t list (it’s close on the age but I’ll go with it). If you really want to feel old, remember that for college freshmen the following is true

Nirvana has always been referred to in the past tense.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Tragically Hip “Phantom Power”
2) The V-Roys “Are You Through Yet?”
3) Various Artists “Real: The Tom T. Hall Project”
4) Various Artists “Exposed Roots: The Best of Alt.Country”
5) Richard Thompson “1,000 Years of Popular Music”

Rule #50: Never brood in a dance bar. Never drink in a dive bar.

Lots of topics to cover tonight before I head out to the bars. Don’t worry, I’m taking tomorrow off as a “Mental Health Day”. I love that phrase, I read it a few years back to describe taking a day off from work just because your mind and body has been telling you that they have no desire to sit in a box for yet another day. No real plans for tomorrow or this weekend, which is the entire point. It’s taking a day off just to have a day off.

Anyway, one last point on the Lindsay Lohan thread. I think I need to do a little “show what goes on behind the curtain” when it comes to writing the blog on this topic. See, as Erik correctly points out and my Perfect Mate list will once again confirm, I lean heavily towards indie chicks. The problem is of the ten people who read my blog I estimate that one or two nod their heads when I mention Neko Case or Lisa Hannigan, another one or two go “I’m pretty sure that is some musician that EC was rambling about at two in the morning one time” and the remainders go “Who the hell is that” and immediately skip to the next paragraph in the hope that I’ve written something interesting for a change. But when I write about my beloved at least I know that people know who I’m writing about. And remember the blog’s golden rule “75 percent of what I write is fact, 25 percent is fiction, and I never explain which part is which.”

(And I hope that I have ten readers. I haven’t audited that number nor do I have any desire to but man, please let me know that I have reached double digits.)

Next topic, the battle for Pluto, much like my innocence, has been lost. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so upset reading a news story at work before because this is just an absolute travesty. Eight planets? What type of solar system has eight planets? Pluto has its own moon for crying out loud but it isn’t a planet? Just because it has this bizarre orbit doesn’t mean that it should be declassified. That just makes it unique. I want to file an official grievance on this subject. Plus, it is going to totally screw up my trivia game whenever anyone asks a question about the planets.

And think about all of the science textbooks in Kansas that are now going to be wrong? Oh wait, they were all wrong in the first place. Yes I know, intelligent design is a plausible theory along with the belief that the universe was made by a flying spaghetti monster and that global warming is caused by a reduction in pirates. (Think about it, as we got rid of guys yelling “Argh me matey” while having parrots sit on their shoulder the planet warmed up. An obvious correlation there.)

Finally, Forbes magazine came out with their list of the drunkest cities in America. And we here at Battling the Current have to tip our hat to long time contributor Super Dave for leading Milwaukee to its number one ranking. I know that all of those comments at two in the morning were for a higher purpose. Wow, wonder what the celebration will be like in the drunkest city in the land?

Sadly, my slacking ways apparently got the better of me as I was only able to coax a 16th place finish out of Kansas City. What’s worse is that we tied with Cincinnati, which is not a town known for its partying ways. As in the place is just slightly more lively than Salt Lake City. But I am proud to state that Kansas City ranked number one in alcoholism, which just shows that what we lack in numbers we make up for in pure dedication. (For the record, I consider myself a drunkard. I drink but it is done with style and panache.) Plus, we finally have something to add to the travel brochures besides saying we have the most fountains of any city other than Rome.

But I am very disappointing to report that Miami ranked 33rd out of 35 cities, being beaten out by such hotspots as Indianapolis and Norfolk. What’s worse is they ranked next to last in the all important “binge drinking” category. So Erik, I’m looking to you to improve your adopted hometown’s standing. As an original inhabitant of the Twin Cities (ranked second overall) you need to set a good example to all of the club kids down there and show them that the purpose of going out is not to drink fifteen dollar vodka tonics to a bass beat that continues to thump in three four time for five hours straight. No, the purpose of an evening out is to be playing quarters in a bar where your feet stick to the floor while there is an old guy sitting in the same seat he’s been in for the last fifteen years. Now that’s good entertainment.

Herbie to the rescue...

Time to bring back everyone’s favorite topic: Infrequently Asked Questions. Today’s query: “Dude, what is up with you and Lindsay Lohan? Seriously, this is getting disturbing.”

I’ll agree that I am not quite sure of where my attraction towards Lindsay (or as I prefer to call her, “My Beloved”) stems from. There are a couple of simple reasons, like the fact that until recently she was a redhead and my weakness for redheads has been well documented (to the point that I think former captured journalist Jill Carroll is pretty cute with her hair dyed red.) But that doesn’t explain my defending her against all of the other starlets out there right now.

First off, I do feel that Lindsay actually has some talent as an actress (we’ll just ignore her music career for the time being). She’s definitely not horrible but for a former child star she does have some actual ability. To me, that really puts her in a class above all of the others. Brittney Spears is a fair dancer, poor singer, worse actress and is not really that attractive. I always put her in the “fourth best looking girl on the cheerleading squad” category. I fully agree with Family Guy that Christina Aguilera is offensive to all five senses. Nicole Ritchie would float away in a slight wind and Paris Hilton is worthless in every aspect other than trust fund. (Nicky Hilton on the other hand, seems to be pretty cool.) So in that aspect Lindsay is in the lead.

Plus, until her recent “Dye my hair blonde, lose all my weight and stay up all night drinking and smoking”, she had a unique look in Hollywood in that she actually looked like a real person. She had curves and freckles and hair that wasn’t ironed straight. She was attractive because you honestly thought that you could meet someone who looked like her in a bar one night. Add to that the fact that she did seem to have a brain on her shoulders and things were looking really good.

Of course all of that seems to have gone out the window right now as she is falling apart. And maybe that is the other reason I’m so interested in her, the way this story is going there is only one ending and it isn’t a good one. So I sit around and read the gossip pages and hope that she can turn it around but know that she is a year away from rehab and four years away from The Surreal Life and that is really sad. I don’t know if I have ever seen someone rise and fall in front of my eyes in that way.

But, I still wouldn’t go so far as to put her on my Perfect Mate list. She’s fun to watch but I wouldn’t want to grow old and end up watching tv in matching recliners with her. There are only a few women who meet that criteria. And thinking of that, it has been nearly two years since I last published my Top 10 Perfect Mates so I might need to go ahead and update the list and see who now tops the list. Expect that in the next week or so.

Out of focus...

On the comment, here’s my Paris Hilton story (other than the one about the time I ran into her in a bar). I have somehow made it part of my job description to know what songs our customers are currently listening to. Don’t ask me how I pulled that off, one day I was building a bond pricing model the next I was explaining the attraction of Nelly Furtado. Anyway, I was going through the list of songs and came across “Stars are Blind” and in a millisecond went, “Yeah, that’s the Paris Hilton single.” This has me concerned on two very different but equally important fronts: 1) Some of our customers apparently listen to this song and that bothers me to the core of my being and 2) I have evolved (or more accurately devolved) into a person who is well aware of Paris Hilton singles. I had to listen to New Pornographers CDs non-stop for hours to make up for that fact.

(Side celebrity note: While playing trivia last night (yes, it’s apparently become a full time gig) in the celebrity gossip category one of the answers was Lindsay Lohan and I immediately went “It’s my beloved.” I think we’ve now reached the point when even my teammates are concerned about me and given that this is a group of people who of their own free will answer questions on state capitals on a Monday night this is quite the accomplishment. Oh, and I totally kicked ass on the math category. Knowing that an angle in a triangle of more than 90 degrees is an obtuse angle finally came in handy.)

I want to talk a little about this JonBenet Ramsey guy and the media reaction to it. First, as I said before I am certain that this guy has nothing to do with it. I’m not saying that he isn’t guilty of something (because when you are arrested while in Thailand typically there are bad things afoot), I just think that the guy is delusional and going for his fifteen minutes of fame. My gut tells me that this is a guy who got obsessed with the case, read a ton about it, and convinced himself that he did it even though his ex-wife said he was with her at the time. And this is not one of those cases where you expect your ex-wife to be rushing to your defense with an alibi.

So let’s put that aside for the moment. Why has this story been such a hit with the media to the point that I have full details on the guy’s meal on the plane? It’s not like we have a dearth of big news stories right now (Iraq, Lebanon, terrorist scare, anniversary of Katrina, the list goes on). But the news media immediately jumped on this story. One reason is that people do love unsolved mysteries (especially when hosted by Robert Stack) because we love to see them solved. And this played like a bad movie with the evil villain being caught after years in a far away land. There is also the lurid attraction of the case with those still freaky pictures of the child pageants that draws people to it like moths to the flame.

But I think what is really going on is that when you look at that list of other news stories you really have America collectively sticking its head in the sand. Because we can all say that this is technically news, it’s the solution of a murder investigation. Except that it is almost certainly isn’t and all we are doing is focusing on a ten year old murder case when there are hundreds of more pressing issues. The thing is, all of those issues are tough to deal with and depressing and challenging so we’d rather focus on the creepy guy eating prawns in business class. CNN and Fox broadcast whatever gives them the best ratings and sometimes that holds a mirror up to America that we really should take a better look at.

It is possible to be too popular

News Headline: “Bush concerned over possibility of Civil War”

EC’s First Reaction “Does he mean in the U.S. or somewhere else?”

(Maybe it is the lack of sleep talking but I really didn’t want to click on the article to read the rest of it.)

Ok, while I did not see Snakes on a Plane this weekend I really feel a need to talk about it. Because this is probably one of the best examples of an internet phenomenon going big and failing under its own weight. The box office results were rather disappointing. It was the number one film in the country but it barely beat out Talledega Nights (a film that has been out for several weeks) and doesn’t appear to have much legs to stand on. Which given the publicity the film had received prior to launch is rather surprising. That is, unless you understand the way the internet mindset works.

See, the film first started getting a buzz on some web sites mainly because of the concept. I mean, the film is called Snakes on a Plane, which is so dumb it becomes brilliant, and stars Samuel L. Jackson, who you immediately begin imagining at his foul mouthed best. You know there is going to be absolutely no plot other than what is explained in the title so everyone creates a great number of one liners riffing on the subject. As a result, everyone laughs and is really into the movie even though they haven’t seen or heard anything about it.

Then the mainstream press starts catching on and they start talking about the film. And here is where things change. Part of the appeal of the internet is that it is still this underground community. You can still get that feeling that you are part of a select few who understand just how cool something is. But once that meme crosses over into popular culture it suddenly isn’t cool any more. It’s great when I make a Snakes on a Plane reference, when my mom understands it then it really has lost all meaning.

And that’s what happened here. The movie received so much buzz that all the people who were so into it six months ago decided not to go because of the fact that everyone else knows about it. You can’t be a cult hit with a national advertising campaign. You’re not an underground sensation when the logo is plastered on billboards. It is one of those odd things about life, when something becomes very popular it suddenly becomes uncool.

And as a result, I really hope that Ask a Ninja remains this little gem of the internet that only I know of. What, you don’t know about Ask a Ninja? Well, it’s kind of like Wikipedia except that you, well, ask a ninja. It’s as simple as that.

More miles than money...

It’s interesting in that I am very tempted to write that I took this weekend off, which would imply that I did nothing other than sit on my couch and play Playstation the entire time. In fact, I didn’t do that at all. It’s more like my stories have little to do with spending a night in a bar and that is at least a little unusual. I’ll explain.

Friday night was spent in a bar or more accurately, Davey’s Uptown, as Alejandro Escovedo made a return visit to Kansas City. I was as close to the stage as I could get (technically a few people back though that woman who goes to the same shows that I do and brings her camera got next to the stage. I don’t know how she does it.) As he came on stage I did yell, “Welcome back, Al” and he looked at me and said “Thanks”, which was awesome. For those of you who don’t know the story, Alejandro is one of my favorite musicians ever. The guy started out playing punk rock and has since morphed into this singer songwriter who pulls from every source imaginable. It’s a rock band except that most rock bands don’t include a cello. When Al suffered severe medical bills a few years ago I donated to his medical fund because the enjoyment that I’ve received from his music doesn’t come anywhere near what I’ve paid for it. Any time I get to see him on stage I consider it a blessing.

The Friday night show was excellent as always. A slightly different band than his last performance but just a great high energy show. The guy just makes you love music and there are moments when a song just goes from pure punk noise to a classical cello and back again and you really wonder how anyone ever thought of combining the two. Watching the show was just a great way for me to get my head on straight after it had been somewhere else the past few weeks.

(Side note: In what can only be called a sad turn of events, the video store that was across the street from Davey’s has closed after thirty five years of business. Well, it was a video store and a, uh, “House of Adult Novelties…and other stuff.” Yeah, you get the picture. This is a bummer in a number of ways. First, it was so much fun knowing that my favorite place to see music in KC was directly across the street from a porn shop. It was like someone had a really strange sense of business synergies in mind when they designed the block. The second is that Heather (my favorite bartender of all time not named Donna) used to live in an apartment behind the store and would tell me the best stories of who she would see walking out of the place at four in the morning. Those are the sort of stories that make life interesting.)

Saturday was mainly spent watching movies in my apartment as I just felt like hanging out and watching comedies for hours on end. Rewatched The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (because I’ve been rereading the books and you can’t get enough Zooey Deschanel) and The Tao of Steve (because it is required viewing every six months or so). Sometimes I just need to sit back and laugh for a few hours and Snakes on a Plane was so fifteen minutes ago.

Today was shopping day as I actually bought clothes at the Gap for the first time in a long time. I don’t know if this means I am growing old, trying desperately to stay young or if I’ve just given up and decided to wear exactly what everyone else is wearing. On that, I have another question I’d like to pose to my readers. I’ve been thinking it is time to redo my personal style once again, or at least refine it. Meaning I don’t know if I can pull off the ironic t-shirts anymore (except when I wear them under an incredibly expensive shirt, which makes me seem successful and counter culture at the same time) but I don’t know of a look to try to emulate. I’ll take any and all suggestions because otherwise I might be forced to go back to wearing Duke Basketball t-shirts all the time and no one (including myself) wants that.

The five random CDs of the week:
1) Tanya Donnelly “Beautysleep”
2) R.E.M. “Fables of the Reconstruction”
3) Zack Burkhart “Compass” (Zack gets a shout out on the blog! Awesome.)
4) Continental Drifters “Vermillion”
5) Jesus Jones “Doubt”

Dream a little dream...

I’ll readily admit that no one ever wants to hear about someone else’s dreams. It’s one of those things that when you hear someone start in on the topic you automatically start nodding while mentally you go to your happy place and stay there until they tire out and start talking about something interesting for a change. But, I’ve been having a couple of weird dreams recently and other than writing about the JonBenet Ramsey guy (who I’ll put money down right now saying he didn’t do it) this is the material I have for the night.

Here is the first one. Over the past few weeks I have been having this series of dreams in which I am getting closer and closer to having to take a Chemistry final and I just haven’t studied or prepared. Like every week I have the same dream (which takes place at ND for some reason) and it is a day closer to the final and I still can’t bring myself to study. Well, this week was the day of the final and what would you know I got to the classroom, looked in my backpack and found that I hadn’t even bothered to finish my cheat sheet. It was only halfway done so I was screwed.

Or I would be if I wasn’t so damn logical even in my dreams. I just go up to the teacher, explain the situation and say, “I’ll be back in an hour to take the test” and go out to finish the cheat sheet. When you think about it, given that I usually finished finals with an hour to spare this is probably a very successful strategy. I know that this is just one of those great anxiety dreams that I have but it’s nice to know that while part of my subconscious is trying to freak me out the other part is calmly deriving solutions to every potential eventuality.

This next one is weirder. I was having this wild dream that was just unworldly. Or probably more like I was joking with celebrities and the like but it was clear to me that I was dreaming. So in the end I even said in the dream “Look, I’m dreaming right now so I’m going to wake up” and I did. At which point I found myself hanging out in my apartment talking to a friend of mine. As were talking and joking I look at her and realize, “Wait a minute, this can’t be happening. I must still be dreaming.” And she even goes “You realize that you are still dreaming and none of this is real.” Then I wake up, try to figure out where the hell I am and am really happy to find myself in my own bed.

I’m telling you, that is just one of the weirdest feelings in the world. I woke up from a dream just to find myself in another dream and one that really could have been my real life. Maybe I crossed into another parallel universe and that’s the reason why everything has seemed off the past month. I am in this strange dream world where my expectations are based on a world that no longer exists. Of course, why I would still have the same old blog in a parallel universe or why I couldn’t move into one where I was a billionaire is still open for debate.

Hopefully my dreams tonight will be calmer. I know I could use an adventure free weekend right about now. Have a good weekend everyone.

Lost in a Supermarket

(Lost again at trivia tonight but the categories were stacked against us this time around. I’m not too upset that I wasn’t able to name Sesame Street characters. Well, other than I missed Sherlock Hemlock, I definitely should have known that one. But I did know what LL Cool J stood for so I still have some street cred.)

The topic of dating and meeting people has been a point of interest recently at the Battling the Current summer compound (Motto: we’d have a view of the ocean if we just built a tall enough building). Thanks to Super Dave, I am now aware of a Chicago supermarket promotion that is once again on that border between sheer brilliance and the dumbest idea ever.

Here’s the concept. It’s a Friday night and you’re alone but you want to meet people. But the bar scene isn’t working out for you and for some reason the idea of just hanging out at a bar and drinking isn’t palpable. (I figure some people must think that way, the same way I figure that some people believe that the world is flat and that evolution doesn’t exist.) So instead of a bar, how about at ten in the evening on a Friday you go to a grocery store. There you will be given a number and a nametag and you can shop and send messages to other shoppers, which will be posted on video boards throughout the store.

Ok, let’s examine this one in detail.

1) First off, Friday night is the worst night to hold this thing. By going you are admitting that this is your best option for a late night on a Friday. Now I’ll admit that I do go to a bar to play trivia on a Friday but the game starts at seven so it seems a little better. I still think that if you do this on a Wednesday or a Thursday it might actually get some takers.

2) If you’re going to make me wear a number I am going to go all out and act like it is my number from when I ran a marathon. Break out the headband, the running gear, be sweating like mad, run past the free samples and grab them like it’s a water station and if anyone asks just say that you need band-aids because your nipples are chafing. Remember, life is nothing if not a platform for improv comedy.

3) Sadly, you know that you couldn’t turn this into your normal shopping trip. I’d be forced to buy all of this health food and stuff that I would never eat, like fruits or vegetables. Imagine wandering around with a cart filled with about a dozen microwave dinners and twelve different varieties of Hot Pockets. And a couple of those monster size bags of Doritos and a case of Mr. Pibb. Actually, that would be pretty awesome.

4) Finally, the message board would be the basis of some of the best one liners imaginable. Just think of the possibilities that you could post like “Trust me, you should really pick up the low fat ice cream” or “Nice melons” or “You like food? I like food! Wanna make out?” I swear, it would be like the best Beavis and Butthead episode ever.

Hey, people have had weirder first meetings. Though I would rather not have to tell my grandkids that I met their grandmother at the dairy case.

Bonus points for originality...

Hitting to all fields like Jim Thome tonight…

1) Would like to announce that Cobra Kai, the most feared team in the history of fantasy football, will be drafting second this year. This is pretty much where I wanted to be as I should be able to choose between Shaun Alexander and LaDanian Tomlison as my main running back and then whoever is left as my number two back. I would like to see Reggie Bush fall down to my second round slot but I don’t see that happening. At least my draft strategy should be a little easier to prepare this year as opposed to last year’s “Draft Peyton and every other Colt up to including Ben Utecht” gameplan.

2) Oh, and of course the team motto is “Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy”. What else could it be other than maybe “You’re the best around.”

3) Ok, my friends at Deadspin.com (who make my workday bearable to the point where they are leading the “website most likely to get me fired” pool) posted the following story from the University of Kansas. Apparently a guy has tried out and made the Jayhawk dance squad. Seriously, go to the site as they have this great picture of him uh, training with the team. I am really torn from this story. While I can barely accept the concept of male cheerleaders (mainly because they are all built like trucks and serious athletes) a guy on the dance team just seems totally wrong. On the other hand, this might be the most brilliant move that a freshman guy has ever made to meet hot girls on campus. It’s like “Yeah, I’ll probably get the crap kicked out of me for this but it’ll actually be my job to be with the dance squad.” I can guarantee you this guy ran the plus/delta excel spreadsheet and said “Dance team wins over joining a fraternity.” I’ll put it to a vote, is this brilliant or deranged or both?

4) Personally, I feel if you are going all out you should try the www.settleforbrian.com approach. You got to like a guy who not only admits that “Hey let’s be honest, I’m not Brad Pitt” but then goes ahead and lists three pages of pros and cons for dating him. That is a level of self-inventory that is even beyond me. And you know what, I can guarantee that this works.

5) That’s what I need, a catchy slogan! Ok, a free CD to anyone who comes up with a tag line or a catchphrase for me. Yeah, I know that I’m in marketing and should do this myself but I can’t be creative when I’m off the clock.

6) The other news story of the day that I want to mention is that Nasa has lost the original tape of the moon landing. Not that big of a deal since they could just drive out to Arizona and refilm it. I’ve often said that my dream job is working for Nasa. It’s just something that a kid who grew up reading about space travel and becoming an engineer just has hard wired into his DNA. But this along with the fact that they also lost the blueprints to the Saturn V rocket makes me realize that maybe I made the right choice all along.

You can't keep a good planet down

I have some rather earth shattering news to share tonight. I saw something that will completely alter my view of the universe. After twenty two months, the white car in the parking space next to my garage was finally moved. Came home today from work and it was like, “What the hell? Am I in the right apartment complex?” I’m not sure if it drove off under it’s own power or if it was towed or if it was teleported in something that will be discussed for years in literature as “The Kansas City Experiment” but it’s gone.

This is really bothering me. I count on having constants in my life, touchstones that I can rely on to never change. Like The Simpsons on a Sunday night or a bar serving beer or the Royals getting trounced by the White Sox. And I knew that no matter what happened in my life that damn white car would be parked in that spot making it a challenge for me to pull into my own garage. I even gave people directions to my place using it as a landmark. Hell, sometimes I needed it to remember if I was at the right building or not. With it gone my life just feels empty.

That’s not the only big news on the wires today. My astronomer friends (ok, it’s more like I just drank with them a couple of times but close enough) are right now meeting to determine whether or not Pluto should remain a planet. This is of great concern to me because we really, really need to keep Pluto as a planet. One, because otherwise I’ll be continuously confused as to how many planets there are in the solar system. But the main reason is that Pluto is great for symbolic reasons.

See, Pluto is just this little rock way out at the far edge of the solar system. It’s like let’s say Lawrence is Saturn and Neptune is Wichita, well then Pluto is whatever the hell is actually farther west than Wichita. It doesn’t even have a nice orbit, it’s this weird off-kilter loop that cause it to intersect with Neptune every once in a while. But despite all of this it is still a planet, just like Saturn with its cool rings and Mars with the rock formation that looks like Kermit the Frog.

(I’m not kidding, I’ve seen the pictures. There is a rock formation on Mars that looks exactly like Kermit the Frog. Screw the face of Mars as proof of a former civilization, this shows that they’ve been watching us and believe that we view television characters as our gods. Which might be pretty close to the truth when you think about it.)

So Pluto is the ultimate underdog. Always looked down upon but still holding its own. I don’t care what those scientists say, Pluto is going to remain a planet in my book. Plus, we need planets named after Disney characters, if only because it might mean that Nasa will finally get that grant to figure out just what the hell Goofy actually is. Personally I just think that Pluto is smart enough to realize that talking is overrated because if he did he’d have to get a job and stuff and would rather have Mickey feed him three squares a day while all he has to do is lie around in the sun. Pluto, the ultimate slacker genius.

Reaching for the green light...

Sometimes you just have to give credit where credit is due. The cast of Celebrity Fit Club did an incredible job of losing weight, putting my measly pound and a half lost to shame. I mean, Goth Tina Yothers dropped like eleven pounds, which is something that I would like to accomplish over two months. Admittedly, they are all taking advantage of special diets while I tend to just try to institute portion control and cut down on my snacking. I’m sorry but I don’t go for the detox diet where I can only eats fruits and vegetables because, well, this is America and I get to eat steak.

I saw another really interesting show tonight. On Ovation (the arts channel, also known as channel 387), they had this BBC special from 2000 on The Great Gatsby. Obviously, this is something that keeps me glued to the television for an hour as Gatsby is the greatest American novel and what inspires me to keep writing in the hope that I will one day write something that is a tenth as good as that novel. What is interesting (and rather chilling in retrospect) is the discussion on American culture and how much the 2000 culture resembled Gatsby. Internet millionaires being created by the minute, wealth and excess everywhere, and just this sense that nothing could go wrong and this will last forever. On the show Hunter S. Thompson said, “I fear what will happen when this all collapses.”

Can you even remember what life was like back in 2000? It seems almost like another world to me. The biggest fear was Y2K and when that didn’t happen we all laughed and thought the world was ours for the taking. I remember flying to Europe that year with my biggest fear being how to deal with jet lag. Now I’m concerned about even the concept of getting on a plane without having everyone screened and rescreened a dozen times before getting onboard. Maybe that is the best analogy for what we are living in right now, it’s the Great Depression in more ways than one. We question our government, we question our leaders and there are times when you really wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just a thought that has been spinning in my head.

Otherwise this has been a bit of a blah weekend for me. As in I spent part of Saturday night doing laundry and cleaning my apartment, which is not something I imagine that Fitzgerald was doing when he was my age. I did get the liner notes done (finally) so expect the CDs to be in the mail this week. But it has just simply been too hot to really do anything. It seems like every day this past month has been 100 degrees and muggy and you don’t even want to step outside to pick up the mail. You’d rather just sit inside and watch preseason football because of the absolute joy that one receives by watching a fourth string running back who you’ll never hear of again. Still better than watching the Royals give up 11 runs in the first inning, though.

The five random CDs for the week (and it’s an alt-country quintuple play)
1) The Jayhawks “Hollywood Town Hall”
2) Jack Ingram “Jack Ingram’s Acoustic Motel”
3) Gear Daddies “Billy’s Live Bait”
4) Nickel Creek “Nickel Creek”
5) Whiskeytown “Strangers Almanac”

Royals Win?

First things before we get to the list. I want to wish a very hearty welcome to Jillian, the latest member of the extended Battling the Current Family. She and her mom Jen are still in the hospital for observation but everything looks to be ok right now. (If you could keep them in your prayers I would really appreciate it.) Oh and Jillian, just remember that I am your favorite uncle.

Anyway, time to close out the week with a couple of notes…

1) The above pictures are from tonight’s Royals game as I ended up, well, I basically ended up on the field. As a White Sox fan I really shouldn’t show these pictures because by law I am not allowed to get this close to a Royals first base coach. (Though that is what you get for trying to coach first base in our house.) Anyway, one picture is of David Ortiz on first base and the other is of the scoreboard after the Royals completed their sweep of the Red Sox. Yes, you read that correctly. I know that I give the Royals a lot of crap (and based on their record, deservedly so) but they pulled out another come from behind win on a team that is better and more experienced. It was a fun night at the ballpark all around.

2) For those reading this who know my travel schedule in the coming weeks I just want to state that yes, I am officially freaked out by today’s big story. I’m not typically at ease when I fly but knowing what may have been planned has my anxiety level at an all time high. I mean, I’ve risked a lot for my career in the past decade. I’ve stood next to signs that read “Danger: Contaminated Area”, I’ve been in rooms where if a siren went off I had one minute to get out before they sprayed CarDox and removed the oxygen, and I even lived in Kansas for a time. But this one really has me concerned.

3) Just a general comment. I’ve never left Royals stadium having a clue of what direction I was heading in and how to get to the expressway. It doesn’t help that I think that I take a different route every time. I think I ended up in Columbia this time around. I never quite understand why my default in those situations is to simply follow the guy in front of me in the belief that he knows where he is going. Odds are, he doesn’t live in my apartment building.

4) Ever notice how some cars have stickers showing the kids baseball or football team with their name and number? Well, while driving today I saw one for little Juston. Maybe it is the last name, maybe it is the first name with a really bizarre spelling. It’s reached a point now that you really can’t tell. Other than the fact that the Oklahoma Sooners license plate holder would tend to indicate the latter.

5) Oh and Rosemary, you are right. I need to play Thomas at linebacker. I simply have to put my best athletes on the field even if that means playing them out of position. Now I just need to figure out if that advice was for the videogame or not…

Have a good weekend everyone.

Feeling dumber by the minute...

I am just so bloody pissed right now. Lost at trivia and didn’t win money for the first time ever at the Flea Market. I just could not get it going tonight, missing questions that I should certainly have known. I mean, I actually missed an “Identify the wrestler by the picture” question and that is just plain embarrassing. Sure, it was a forty year old picture of “Classie” Freddie Blassie but I still should have known that. Man, I hate losing…

It doesn’t help that as part of my renewed weight loss kick I have reinstituted the dreaded beer limit. Yes, I now have a beer quota of only so many a week (the number is a mystery known only to myself). What that means is I have to drink less on a Wednesday, otherwise by Saturday night I won’t be able to go out. Apparently, trivia is a lot less fun when you are sober. Sure my recall might be a little better but overall the experience just isn’t as good.

(I missed a freaking wrestling question? That’s twenty five years of my life spent studying that and I missed it? I can accept that I couldn’t identify a spoken lyric from Radiohead’s “Creep” but a wrestling question? Maybe I am succumbing to old age.)

Ok, the following bit was meant to go into the liner notes of the CD but sadly, I couldn’t figure out how to make an Iguanas song fit on the disc. But, this is a great story that I kind of feel like sharing this week. Not too many people know of the Iguanas, who are this great New Orleans band that features a dual saxophone attack. But you do know of one famous event that happened at an Iguanas show. It was with the Iguanas playing at Café Brasil in the French Quarter that Lyle Lovett got Julia Roberts to fall in love with him. That’s how freaking cool the band is.

Of course, when I took a girl to see the band earlier this year it resulted in her basically not wanting to have anything to do with me again. I really don’t want to analyze what that might mean, other than a biker bar in the middle of a train yard just doesn’t have the same flavor as a night in the quarter.

Yeah, I know, I know, I’m in this weird self loathing mood right now that isn’t good for anyone, especially myself. It bums me out and I actually had to stop working on the liner notes because I looked at what I was writing and realized a) this is crap and b) you know, your life really isn’t that bad. It’s just that I’m getting that feeling once again that life is passing me by and I’m about nine days away from waking up and discovering that I missed all the important bits. Maybe it’s because my birthday is in a month and my fifteen year high school reunion is in two but I’m really trying to figure out just what is going on. Sometimes you just need to go off and have a good ponder and maybe that is something I need to schedule very soon.

(Oh yeah, and I missed another one on what is the top selling ringtone in the world right now. As you can tell, my head really is in another place.)

As random as life can be...

It’s clip time…

1) As part of my research last week I came upon the following rather stunning discovery. The Backer has a web site. Given that they barely have electricity and I don’t even want to get started on the plumbing situation the fact that they have an internet presence is pretty amazing. Anyway, the site is www.backernd.com and click on the staff to get a picture and a biography of the often mentioned but never duplicated Donna, who on nights like tonight I miss a lot.

2) No, I’m not going into any further detail. It’s one of those ten percent of my life that I don’t post type of things.

3) Am I the only one who when he gets the latest copy of NCAA 07 immediately plays a game featuring the heated rivalry between the University of South Carolina and Oregon State?

4) So I’ve picked up volumes two and three of the official Beavis and Butthead collection. This means that I now have, by my count, fifteen Beavis and Butthead DVDs. Obviously, this means that I can leave the bar knowing that I’m going home to watch Beavis and Butthead every other night for a month without having to repeat discs. And trust me, it’s been done before. They have included a decent number of videos but one of the best parts is Mike Judge talking about how he would record those comments for the videos. It’s basically just him ranting and by the end he was basically so sick of videos he would just rip on anything put in front of him. Especially after Winger complained about their treatment.

5) Huh huh huh…Oregon State…

6) Wow, and I wonder why I’m dealing with point #2 right now?

7) On the Gen X theme from last night, I was wondering what tv shows out there right now could really be considered a Gen X show. Scrubs was a great one and How I Met Your Mother is another one in consideration but other than that there just aren’t many that I can think of. I’d even be more tempted to put the Adult Swim lineup on the list, which are cartoons made by guys my age for guys who won’t grow up (i.e. Family Guy). It is really strange to be in your early thirties and not really see anyone like you on television. I mean when Jim Belushi turns on the tv he seems himself and remembers that he must have sold his soul to the devil to get that gig but when I turn on the set I either see people in their forties raising kids or a twenty year old trying to vaguely sing and dance and doing neither well.

8) The track list for the disc is complete and I know they say a good mix tape should rise and fall but trust me, this one is all rise. It might be my ultimate get psyched mix. And should probably have a parental warning sticker on it just for the degree of awesomeness that it contains.

The present of Gen X

Third time’s the charm as I finally was able to get the cover image downloaded. As you can see I am keeping with a theme here as Joe Cool is quite an apt symbol for myself. Hey, a man can dream, can’t he?

(Two things I need to note before I start my main article. First, happy Picnic Day to all those of you in Australia and if you are not, add the film “Picnic at Hanging Rock” to your Netflix queue. Trust me on this one. And, I have to mention that yesterday was the fifteenth anniversary of the birth of the world wide web. For those wondering, I’ve been on for twelve of those fifteen years and have gone from watching the Hamster Dance to the Peanut Butter and Jelly song to neverending YouTube clips. What a world…)

Anyway, while waiting to get my haircut I was reading this issue of Details from last April and in it they asked whether time had passed Generation X by. They did pose the hypothetical of “Has Generation X jumped the shark?” It’s a very good question and one that I, as one of the last ones standing for the fabled 13th Gen, really should address.

From a pop culture standpoint, Generation X is definitely an afterthought. The Baby Boomers are still a big focus as they start retiring and twenty years after thirtysomething I get to see articles on how fifty is the new thirty. You know, all of those headlines like “Baby Boomers find life after work”, “The Boomers raid the social security system” and my favorite “Will you just go away already?” (Ok, I can dream). But since they are a generation that always focused on themselves it doesn’t surprise me that their media focuses on their state.

Their kids, either Gen Y or the Millenials depending on how you want to define them, have also taken control of the airwaves. They are the generation of Brittney and Paris and yes, even my beloved Lindsay. They are a generation where you can be famous just for being famous, where everyone can and should be a star and where there is no shame in selling out. Hell, that’s the entire point.

And that is why Gen X is seeming to fade into the background. We don’t sell out. We’d rather fade away than sacrifice what we hold dear to ourselves. Pearl Jam hasn’t retooled themselves for a TRL appearance, even though they’d sell a ton more discs if they did. You don’t see Richard Linklatter or Kevin Smith doing big summer movies; they’d rather film two separate takes on what life is like within the fast food industry. And by staying true to yourself you tend not to get a lot of press.

Here is my best example. Right now, the place to be if you are in Gen Y is on MySpace and you look at the average page there and it just screams “Look at me! Look at me! Aren’t I cool?” That seems so opposite from the Gen X viewpoint, where anyone doing that would be immediately called a poseur. Instead you get things like this blog, which is simple and holds no great hope for becoming famous by just existing. It’s just one person stating what is on his mind and if anyone feels like reading it, awesome.

Or think of it this way, could you imagine American Idol on the air in 1993? I mean, people absolutely hated the band Bush and Gavin Rosdale at least had some level of musical ability. Kids singing karaoke poorly would have been the dumbest thing in the world. Now it is the biggest entertainment franchise in the world due to a generation that prides fame over talent.

But has Generation X jumped the shark? Did we just have a few years in the sun that started when Nirvana asked us to come as we are and ended when Kurt left us? As the focal point of American culture that is probably the case. But typically when you say jumped the shark you mean that there is no more talent or skill or drive and that isn’t the case. We just don’t bring our own camera crews with us. There is still great art being made by my generation, we’re just quiet about it. Our movies are introspective, are music is lyrical and our goals are to find meaning and contentment in a challenging and often disappointing world. None of these things sell platinum records or fill up the googolplex. But it does make for a very satisfying life and I’m happy for that.

Paris Hilton - Like Mother Theresa but cooler

Once again, I had planned on unveiling the cover art today but Google Images and my laptop are deciding to not cooperate in letting me get the image that I’m looking for. This is most likely due to the fact that I am the first person to use Google Images to search for something that wouldn’t be, uh, shrinkwrapped and sold behind the counter at a gas station. I’ll make another valiant effort at obtaining the file I’m looking for before starting over. But, I can share the playlist…

1) Chris Mills “Brand New Day”
2) Social Distortion “Ball and Chain”
3) Son Volt “6 String Belief”
4) Jump, Little Children “The House Our Father Knew”
5) David Ford “State of the Union”
6) My Morning Jacket “Gideon”
7) The Postal Service “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight”
8) The Sundays “Here’s Where the Story Ends”
9) Jon Dee Graham “Big Sweet Life”
10) The Arcade Fire “Rebellion (Lies)”
11) The New Pornographers “Star Bodies”
12) Richard Thompson “1985”
13) The Ditty Bops “Your Head’s Too Big”
14) Josh Rouse “El Otro Lado”
15) Sufjan Stevens “Chicago”

Things (especially the order) are still subject to change as I listen to it and make sure that all the songs are getting along with each other. That is a rather difficult task given that I have Social Distortion and The Ditty Bops on the same disc, something that I don’t believe has ever been attempted in the history of mix tapes. Josh Rouse is the only direct repeat from Volume 1, though Son Volt and the New Pornographers kind of are. And yes, after ending the first disc with “Lawrence, KS” I am ending this one with “Chicago”. So if you want to be the cool kid and get an hour of free music email me with your address at either a) my real email, b) my work email or c) the seldom checked email of kcgatsby@aol.com

Ok, there is one piece of celebrity news that I must comment on. I don’t know how many of you read the British version of GQ, I mean I do but that’s because I need to know what’s cool across the pond in case England suddenly becomes cool again. Well, Paris Hilton has an interview in an upcoming issue and let’s just say that she unleashes several bombshells. The first is that she states that she is celibate. Now before we bring up the video evidence that counters that fact she states that what she means is that she isn’t sleeping with anyone right now (and you do wonder if that phrase implies that “Since I’m not sleeping with the interviewer at this very second I am technically celibate.”) So, according to the British press, Paris Hilton is celibate.

She then went on to say that she has had only two, uh, partners in her entire life. Now I am a trusting soul so I will take Paris at her word. That would mean that for a certain typically private part of one’s life, Paris has had half of it videotaped and shared with the world. That’s a pretty high percentage for someone whose career does not solely involve work that is obtained in the back room of a video store. And finally, to cap off the interview Paris compares herself to Princess Diana. Because, you know, they both ride around in cars and have their pictures taken a lot. And they both…ok, seriously, outside of standard human functions like breathing what the hell do Princess Diana and Paris Hilton have in common? I am completely at a loss here.

Oh, and I need to switch gears and at least touch on the start of Celebrity Fit Club. This is the first episode so all we get to do is see who is on the show and whether there is anyone I can compare myself to (no real luck on the last part). We’ve got Isaac from the Love Boat, who actually looks pretty fit given that he hasn’t been seen for twenty years. From Wilson Phillips we’ve got Carnie Wilson, post-gastric bypass and Playboy shoot and now falling somewhere in between the two. Erika Eleniak takes over the Kelly Lebrock role this season as the “Whoa, what the hell?” contestant. And, in what might be the highlight of my viewing year, Tina Yothers from Family Ties is on Celevrity Fit Club. A Tina Yothers who died her hair black and looks like a goth, if you were like 35 and wanted to be a goth. This show is so brilliant and I vow to lose 15 pounds by the end of the season.

Coming tomorrow: Has Generation X jumped the shark?

The five random CDs of the week
1) Steve Earle “Essential Steve Earle”
2) Gomez “How We Operate”
3) Neko Case and Her Boyfriends “The Virginian”
4) Bruce Springsteen “Human Touch”
5) Martin Zellar “Scattered”

Free gift time!

(Rina: Thanks for the comment. It’s nice to know that there are a few people out there who will vouch for my being able to wield a crowbar with deadly precision.)

Ok, I had originally planned a really big to do about this but sadly my plans failed at the last minute. Still, I am proud to announce that in honor of the 450th post to Battling the Current that Battling the Current Volume II is now ready to go into production. Yes, just for reading the blog (or just saying that you read the blog) you can receive at absolutely no charge a CD filled with some of the best music you may never had heard of. Some of the artists included are The Arcade Fire, Sufjan Stevens, Social Distortion, The Sundays and Jump, Little Children. All I need from you is your address. If I don’t have it, please send it to me. If you think I do have it please resend it to me because I can almost guarantee that I’ve lost it. If you don’t have Volume I and want that as well just let me know. I still have a few copies lying around.

(Now, I had originally planned to unveil the cover art here but I discovered that it was a copyrighted image and the web site wouldn’t let me download it. I’ll keep working at it. Plus, I still have to write the liner notes so expect it to take a few days until everything is finalized. Yes, I don’t just provide you with a mix CD, I provide you with a mix CD that comes with ten pages of in depth discussions on the intricacies of each song.)

Anyway, it is nice to know that the week is basically over. It’s been a very long one and I could use a weekend off so I can do important things like get a haircut. Yeah, it’s getting a little too close to mullet length for my liking. The fun thing is I come home from work and I have a message on my machine saying “Your appointment is at 1 on Saturday.” I don’t even have to call in for an appointment, they are made for me by people who understand that I just need to get one. It’s like the universe has decided to be my assistant.

Oh, and there is one concert coming to town that I must discuss. In October I can go to see on one stage Aerosmith and Motley Crue. Yes, the two bands that defined…that defined… uh, using umlauts in the band name? Only using one guitar chord in a twenty year career? Having your lasting legacy be an appearance on The Surreal Life? Help me out here, I’m at a loss as to why people would want to attend the show. If Liv Tyler was going to be on stage, maybe, but even she has fallen off the pop culture radar. The sad thing is I can guarantee you that the show will sell out. If people went to see Poison, they’ll go to see this. Which just means that I can sit back and know that I’ll still be in a bar with thirty people listening to good music instead.

If I only had a beer....

I got some great news this morning that did not involve a small reptile discussing my deductible. It appears that the scarecrows have finally seen the wizard. Let me explain. The Kansas primary was last night and the residents of the great state of Kansas (or scarecrows as I call them, in what might be the most derogatory term I have ever invented) finally decided to elect a school board that actually believes in evolution. This should hopefully mean that intelligent design will no longer be taught in the schools and kids will get to grow up and become scientists without being ostracized in the process. Well, I mean outside of the fact that you are automatically going to be ostracized because you are spending all of your time studying math and science while your friends are taking bowling. It just kind of comes with the territory, like the requirement that you must wear glasses and memorize all the characters in Star Wars.

(By the way, I was watching a show this evening and they actually asked, “Which would win in a fight, a Star Destroyer or the Enterprise? Dude, talk about a no contest. A Star Destroyer would so kick the Enterprise’s ass. Oh no, here comes a photon torpedo. I’ll spot the Enterprise Kirk, Picard and Sam Beckett and they’ll still get beat.)

(Yeah, and sometimes I wonder why my social life is the way it is…)

A little more on the Notre Dame thread, which I should probably write in an email but I need to fill up space in the blog. Notre Dame buying up property on the south side of campus is really there only logical next step. It’s the one direction that they can grow in and as they want to improve the quality of the school they simply need more land. Turning that area into a campus town would create a lot of benefits. More housing off-campus would reduce the number of people in the halls and allow them to increase enrollment. An actual campus town would mean that the school would actually have a campus town, which is something that is completely missing right now. I know that the idea was that everything is already contained on the campus but that is not entirely a good thing. You need a Mass. Street equivalent to give the place an additional vibe.

But in what might be the strangest one for me to mention is I bet the school wants to buy the property just to make that side of campus look nicer. It’s why they moved the road just so they could build this more elegant entrance to the school. And I love the Backer and if I rank the top ten moments of my life a good half dozen took place there but it is not a good looking building. It’s not the impression you want to put in people’s mind when they visit the campus. And in a world where perception is reality that really means a lot.

Before we all get teary eyed over the possibility of our favorite bar going way just remember the one thing we should all have realized, it is the people and not the place that is important. It wasn’t the Backer per se that was important because let’s face it, it’s a dive bar and I still don’t trust Long Island Ice Teas that are pre-made in Gatorade buckets. What mattered is that I knew I could walk into there on a Wednesday night and run into a dozen of my friends, all of whom just wanted to hang out and have a good time. My memories aren’t tied to any physical part of the place (well, other than the trivia machine) but I’ll always remember the people I was with when I was there.

Signal to noise...

1) For those of you who are extremely curious: It took me 25 minutes to drive from my apartment to company property and then an additional 7 minutes to get to a parking spot. I have a feeling that there is going to be little variation in the first number but a great deal of variation in the second. Is it bad that a significant portion of my commute involves finding a parking space?

2) Note to readers of my monthly report: I try not to spread unsubstantiated rumors. Really, that is not my goal. Especially when said rumor will result in a great deal of psychological harm. I know that when I heard that the Backer might be closing I immediately called my therapist to see how I should cope. I don’t want to see the place go away. Hell, I’m raising money for a memorial plaque to be placed in the parking lot on the exact spot of what Super Dave called “The highlight of my two years of business school and it had nothing to do with me.” As Erik told me this weekend, I need to bring my kids to the place and explain to them just what happened because they just will never believe me. So, I hope that it is false but if ND is looking to buy a property I just don’t see us putting together a competitive bid.

3) Odd choice of music for a commercial: Coldplay being used in the World Trade Center movie trailer. I’m kind of mixed on artists selling their music for commercials. On one hand, I understand that you need to make your money any way that you can and if you can get noticed by a commercial, so be it. I mean, I know that more people heard Richard Buckner in that Volkswagen commercial (even though they probably had no clue who it was) than ever bought his disc. On the other hand, it really changes your view of a song. I don’t know if I want to connect Coldplay with the World Trade Center. I wouldn’t want to link it to Snakes on a Plane, either. I’d just like it to be a song.

4) Sox beat the Royals in extra innings. I don’t really have anything to add here, I just wanted to put it in print.

5) Though I have to say that the Royals recent promotion of having one of the last surviving munchkins throw out the first pitch does have a stroke of genius related to it. Because I know when I think of major league baseball, I think of the Lollipop Guild. Sure, it doesn’t rank up there with handing out t-shirts that say Ketchup on them but then again I don’t think you could ever come up with something that brilliant again.