100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: #25 - 1

Finally we reach the pinnacle of human achievement. The following songs exemplify what the 90s were all about. The prime of my life, from my senior year in high school to my mid 20s are all encapsulated in these songs. According to VH1, this is what should be placed in the time capsule. I shudder to think what we will find here.

#25: Soundgarden “Black Hole Sun”: I never really liked this song. Liked the band of course but I never understood what was so incredible about this track. On the other hand, I don’t think that I could spend five minutes on a TV show explaining how awesome Spoonman is. At the end of the day, it really is just about a guy who plays spoons.

#24: House of Pain “Jump Around”: Most songs get worse as time goes by, especially one hit wonders. But this song has actually improved and has gone from being almost a novelty track featuring white rappers to a pretty common sports anthem. And as sports anthems go it is a pretty good song. It helps that Everlast went on to have an interesting career (and What It’s Like is missing from this list.)

#23: Salt-N-Pepa with En Vogue “Whatta Man”: Let’s pay some respect to Salt-N-Pepa here before we address the fact that they are now on VH1 reality shows. When rap was still outside the mainstream they became stars and add to that they were almost the only female rappers you could name. (Add Queen Latifah to the list.) Plus, you would have expected them to disappear after Push It. Instead, they really took center stage in the music biz in the early 90’s and this song was rather brilliant. Great collaboration between rap and R&B.

#22: Beck “Loser”: I’ve talked a lot the past couple of days about one hit wonders and how Beck didn’t become one is beyond me. Not that he isn’t talented, it’s just that he hit the scene with such an odd song that you would expect no one to ever pay attention to him. Everyone calls this song a slacker anthem but I don’t really agree with that notion. Mainly because I never identified with the song. I felt more anger than resignation to my fate at the time. Plus, I just thought the dude was wacko.

#21: Celine Dion “My Heart Will Go On”: Celine’s Vegas review ended this week. I had heard the following story about her show. When she would sing this song the stage would transform into the bow of a ship and she would sing from the edge. Meanwhile couples in the crowd would stand on their chairs and reenact the scene from Titanic. Yes, those people are allowed to vote though if Proposition 57 passes, as we all hope it will, we will be able to replace them with house plants.

#20: Hanson “MMMBop”: I’ve actually had several chances to see Hanson recently and skipped all of them. It might be the only bit of pride that I have left. However, on one of my hits of the 90s box sets this song is included and I have found myself washing dishes and humming this song. That wasn’t the lowest point in my life but it’s the lowest that I will admit to. Oh, and this came up in trivia tonight, is Hanson a boy band? I wouldn’t classify them as such but it is up for debate.

#19: Beastie Boys “Sabotage”: Another song that is better known for having one of the coolest videos ever. You can’t go wrong with a spot on homage to 70’s cop shows. The song also has some of the best pacing you can find as it just builds upon itself until just the right moment when all of the energy is unleashed. This should be even higher on the list.

#18: Metallica “Enter Sandman”: Metal was such a weird beast in the 90’s. You had the last remnants of the fluff hair bands while the hardcore bands kept going (and still are, changes in pop culture be damned. Slayer will always be Slayer.) Then there was Metallica, which went much more mainstream but you never questioned their credibility. I’m not even sure that if you threw Enter Sandman on the radio to someone who had never heard it before if they would consider it heavy metal. This isn’t when metal went pop, this is more when metal became hard rock.

#17: Destiny’s Child “Say My Name”: What does it say that I truly can’t recall hearing one of the top 20 songs of the 90s? Maybe I’m not as in tune with pop culture as I think. I never got all the interest in this act or Beyonce.

#16: MC Hammer “U Can’t Touch This”: Once again, what are we not supposed to touch? Is there a switch or a button of some sort that we should all be aware? Possibly a lever? Yep, this song was also played at my prom, in a mix that included Superfreak. Add this to the fact that our theme song for prom was a Bodeans song and it was a bizarre night all around. This song isn’t as musically offensive as you might think. One of those where you can’t really find anything wrong with it, just not much right with it.

#15: Red Hot Chili Peppers “Under the Bridge”: I quite possibly watched this video 700 times in college. Multiple times a day for multiple years. At one point MTV just had it on a continuous loop. I always watched it as it was post-apocalyptic enough that it was part of the inspiration for my first novel attempt (mercifully killed after 30 pages and more plot holes than actual plot.) Another instance of a band’s biggest hit being when they do something totally opposite of what they had been doing their entire career.

#14: Mariah Carey “Vision of Love”: Can we blame American Idol on Mariah? Not the show, I doubt that she was involved with it. But this whole singing style of “let’s show off how many octaves we can reach” on every syllable whether it adds to the song or not? It’s what I hate most about that entire style of music; it is entirely about the singer and not the song. She could be singing the phone book and that really bothers me.

#13: Dr. Dre (featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg) “Nuthin but a G Thang”: This might be the first video that I remember that had things blurred out. Not just naughty bits but entire t-shirts. It gave the message that these guys are so cool we can’t even show you what they are wearing. A song that made everyone want to hang out with Dre and Snoop despite the fact that we were so uncool we shouldn’t even had been allowed to listen to the song.

#12: Alanis Morisette “You Oughta Know”: I will never be able to listen to this song knowing that there is even a possibility that it might be about Dave Coullier. It brings up images that I just would rather live without. I’ve grown to respect Alanis’ music (and the fact that she was on You Can’t Do That On Television) but I’ve always had one huge problem with her. She never figured out that sometimes a whisper is more powerful than a scream.

#11: Pearl Jam “Jeremy”: I’m amazed this isn’t in the top five. I think it’s the best video ever in terms of legitimately crossing the line from promotional vehicle into art. Even if it led to months of arguing what happened at the end. It also changed the way that grunge was viewed by a lot of people. Nirvana and other Pearl Jam songs gave a lot of people the impression that this was just a new brand of punk. But this song wasn’t punk and it was undeniably powerful. It might not make you dance but it catches your breath.

#10: Sinead O’Connor “Nothing Compares 2 U”: I wish we could talk about Sinead without having to discuss politics and protests. Just take her music and her voice at face value and just marvel at it. Pretty impressive that a cover song makes the top ten and one that is truly a reinterpreting of the song. I don’t think this is what Prince had in mind, especially the video of Sinead singing straight on into the camera. About as emotionally bare as you can get in music and images.

#9: R.E.M. “Losing My Religion”: I’ve discussed this before but I don’t think this song has aged well. If you listen to it now you kind of wonder what the fuss was about. But as someone who listened to this incessantly as an 18 year old it was a huge breath of fresh air. It was a break from Bon Jovi and New Kids. Something that was new and different and man did I hate it when the guys who made fun of me started liking the band. As a song, I think it could be better but it gets this ranking just because of what it helped to usher in.

#8: TLC “Waterfalls”: Best known for being a bestselling record that puts the band into bankruptcy. No one seems to understand the points system or how that makes the labels a ton of money.

#7: Britney Spears “…Baby One More Time”: Jeez, even when I write about music I can’t get away from her. I said this at the time, I really never got the appeal. The music was pure bubblegum and I never found her to be that attractive. I know there was this whole Lolita aspect to her but she just always seemed like, I don’t know, someone who would marry some scummy guy, have two kids, then lose it and shave her head.

#6: Sir Mix-A-Lot “Baby Got Back”: Show of hands, how many people actually called 1-800-Mix-A-lot? The top rap track of the 90’s goes to an ode about big butts. 4 minutes that consist only of discussions of big butts. Hell, the song opens with “I like big butts, I cannot lie.” What amazes me is that there was outrage over this song. Given what is shown in the media today this song seems rather quaint. Like it’s sung at senior citizen homes or something. (I dream of when I’m in my 70’s the super oldies station will alternate between playing this and Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina”.)

#5: Madonna “Vogue”: I know this was released in 1990 but I barely consider it a 90s song. It’s Madonna, we’ll give her credit for her image and her ability to commercialize herself but I don’t think we need to respect her music. Even if you view this as one of her best songs all it is about is waving your hands in front of your face.

#4: Whitney Houston “I Will Always Love You”: Another cover song except this time the original was better. Come on, it’s Dolly Parton. How are you going to improve on Dolly Parton? Can I just continue my claim of being a cynical bastard and say that I dislike this song? I never even put it on a mixtape.

#3: Backstreet Boys “I Want It That Way”: Yeah, the late 90s sucked in terms of music. This is why I ended up hanging out in the country section of music stores and buying CDs from artists I knew personally.

#2: U2 “One”: A fine choice for the number two song of the decade. Don’t know what I can say about it. Even given my much discussed hatred towards Bono this is about as perfect you can get for four minutes of music. Remember to that when this song came out we were still making fun of Rattle and Hum era U2. The bombastic to the point of parody band. This song (and Achtung Baby as a whole) was one of the best reinventions of the decade.

#1: Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit”: There never was any real doubt about this one. Very seldom can you point to one piece of music and say “This is where everything changed.” The entire musical landscape shifted when this song became a hit. Even on a larger cultural scale, Gen X became important because of this song. This put us in the spotlight…for three years until we lost Kurt. But it was a great three years.

Smells Like Teen Spirit is the song that knocked hair metal to the ground. Come As You Are is the song that kicked hair metal’s face in. I’ll discuss the injustice of that song being left off the list and some other mind boggling exclusions tomorrow.

100 Greatest Songs of the 90's: # 50 - 26

Now on to Part 3 of our countdown. By definition, every song on this list is better than Nelson's "Love and Affection". That's really not saying much. Let's get down to it...

#50: Alice in Chains "Man in the Box": Cool, Tommy Dreamer's entrance music in ECW. I probably shouldn't admit that I know that. There's an interesting case to be made about this song being the bridge between hair metal and grunge. Alice in Chains were the most metal grunge band and this song predates Nirvana. Not sure if that holds true because it is still hard for me to consider them a metal band. Creepy ass video though.

#49: Jewel "Who Will Save Your Soul": Another artist I have somehow avoided buying a CD from. Ok, I have no issue with this song being a hit or Jewel become a celebrity. It's actually a pretty good song. I could have done without her writing the best selling poetry book of all time "A Night Without Armor". And her appearance on Celebrity Bullriding with her husband Ty Murray left much to be desired. There wasn't a single goring during the entire series.

#48: Matchbox 20 "3 AM": My mother always told me that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all.

#47: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch "Good Vibrations": I've said it before and I'll say it again. I would have given all the money in the world for Mark Wahlberg to have won the Oscar last year, raise the statue to the sky and bellow "This is for the Funky Bunch!" For a guy to go from the less talented brother of a member of New Kids on the Block to an award winning actor is quite an accomplishment. Especially when his one hit song was best known for the fact that his underwear was showing.

#46: Shania Twain "You're Still the One": Shania Twain didn't put the cause of country music back twenty years. She put the cause of mammals on the whole back twenty years. A lizard in Arizona heard this song and went "I know I eat flies but at least I don't make this crap." All the credit in the world to Mutt Lange who decided to marry the pretty girl and use every trick he used with Def Leppard in order to make her a star. Dude knows his business. Art less so.

#45: Hootie and the Blowfish "Only Wanna Be With You": Whenever I discuss the inequities in music I always use Hootie as my example. This is because there is absolutely nothing wrong with Hootie. They wrote really nice songs and they played them well and they sounded great. The only thing is I can name a hundred bands from the same time that sold 10,000 times less than Hootie. Is this song 10,000 times better than The Jayhawks "Blue"? No, but that's how it sold. Until you understand that you can never make money in the music business.

#44: The Fugees "Killing Me Softly With His Song": Remember the Simpsons episode where Homer dresses up as a Battlebot in order to win Bart's love and respect? And when the other robot started cutting into his costume while the announcer said "He's killing him softly with his saw"? I know that has nothing to do with this song but I just have to say boy do I miss Battlebots.

#43: En Vogue "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)": Again, occasionally VH1 deserves props for the songs from the early 90's that they remembered. This could have been easily forgotten but it was absolutely everywhere when I was in college. Or at least it was always on TV. I've never been a big fan of girl groups but this is about as good as you can get.

#42: Collective Soul "Shine": It's sad, I'm trying to remember how this song goes and all I keep hearing is the Pat McGee Band song "Shine". I've heard this song a thousand times yet can't remember it to save my life right now. Hence, maybe this ranking is slightly too high. Collective Soul did do a good cover of the theme song to The Bugaloos though. I know how that sounds.

#41: Spin Doctors "Two Princes": True Story. August before my junior year of college I pick up the cassette of "Pocket Full of Kryptonite". I immediately tell my friends that this band is going to be hude because of three songs "Jimmy Olson's Blues", "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" and "Two Princes". In May as we were leaving for the year we were all threatening to pound the tape to pieces with a hammer because every single song had been played to death. Especially Two Princes. People out and out hated the Spin Doctors because of that song as opposed to be one of those new wave hippie bands. They deserved hatred, we just had the wrong justification.

#40: Color Me Badd "I Wanna Sex You Up": We might as well stop this list now. I mean how can you find 39 songs better than Color Me Badd? That's what makes this list so awful. I can accept that this isn't from a music critic's point of view but even from a pop culture point of view this song sucked. People knew it was stupid when it was released. There's no nostalgia about how silly we were. This is just a crappy song.

#39: Goo Goo Dolls "Iris": I appreciate this song for the following reasons. A) it was named for (but has nothing to do with) Iris Dement, B) I have on multiple occasions drank with Iris Dement, C) Iris Dement once introduced me to her step-daughter in a manner that implied that she was trying to set the two of us up, D) the song was for a soundtrack for a movie based on a Wim Wenders film, and E) I went on a date to see the original Wim Wenders film. So really I have no feelings about the song itself but I have great stories about it.

#38: Christina Aguilera "Genie In A Bottle": Family Guy said it best: Christina Aguilera is offensive to all five senses. Including taste. You know how when you walk by something that smells horrible you can kind of taste it? Yeah, that's Christina.

#37: Green Day "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)": This song has surpassed Every Breath You Take as the song most often played in the completely inappropriate context. They don't really want you to have the time of your life. They're basically saying go screw yourself. You probably shouldn't play this for your graduation.

#36: C+C Music Factory "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)": Question? (Funk Dat) Was any member of C+C Music Factory even involved in the making of this song? If I remember right this is the one where they showed the shapely singer instead of who actually sang the song. And can I say that if VH1 is going to list Color Me Badd in the Top 100 couldn't they also list Milli Vanilli. Sure it was fake but so was Color Me Badd. I sure as hell hope that wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

#35: Oasis "Wonderwall": Ah, the next Beatles. Or the next Ruttles take your pick. People give the Gallagher brothers a lot of crap much of it deserved. You'd think that with all of their feuding and bickering that at one point they could have done us all a favor and smashed watermelons over each other's heads. But when they wrote a good song it was a darn good song. Not a change the world type of song but not one that you would turn off. That should count for something.

#34: Third Eye Blind "Semi-Charmed Life": Once again this list gets stranger and stranger. Another one hit wonder and a decent song but not memorable either in terms of talent or pop culture impact. I'm pretty sure that this was a summer song, one of those songs you hear all summer and then promptly forget about. Don't think that's worth this high of ranking.

#33: Spice Girls "Wannabe": We all knew this was coming. Scary (Mel B), Sporty (Mel C), Baby (Emma), Ginger/Sexy (Geri) and Worthless/Posh (Victoria). I didn't even have to look that up. Once again, for as silly and as stupid as the whole phenomenon was (and it was bad on a Hannah Montana/High School Musical level) the songs weren't entirely horrible. You could listen to Wannabe without noticably wincing. You could watch the video and think that these girls are vaguely attractive. Just not worth their own movie. Or video game. Or reunion tour.

#32: Blackstreet "No Diggity": Another song that I've found on the list where I can finally go "Oh so that is who sings it." Now if someone could once and for all clear up my Ween, Tripping Daisy, Flaming Lips, "Push the Little Daisies", King Missle confusion.

#31: Radiohead "Creep": I saw Radiohead in concert once, opening for R.E.M. around when Creep was a hit (that and Fake Plastic Trees). Absolutely no one paid attention to them. They paid even less attention once the lead guitarist blew out all of his amps. As a result I never became a big fan and my reputation has suffered mightily as a result. Of all the songs that could even become partial hits this might be the least likely. Do you sing along with a chorus of "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here"? I mean I do but do normal people?

#30: *NSYNC "Tearin' Up My Heart": Please see entry for Matchbox 20.

#29: Vanilla Ice "Ice Ice Baby": I've mentioned in the past that I was named to prom court. I may also have mentioned that I was not the geekiest guy to be named to prom court that year. That guy danced to Ice Ice Baby. People thought it was cool back then. Much like how we wore an onion on our belt as it was the fashion at the time. Oh, and Rob was totally screwed on The Surreal Life Fame Game. He so should have beaten that chick from Baywatch.

#28: Ricky Martin "Livin' La Vida Loca": This was the big hit when I was kind of out of the pop culture loop. I mean, I knew it was a big song and everything but I don't think that I had ever heard it. I really don't think I missed much. Ricky fell off the map completely, didn't he?

#27: Counting Crows "Mr. Jones": Yep, I own this CD. And I thought it spoke to me in those college angst days. Looking back that makes me feel like more of an idiot than owning a Paula Cole CD. I think the song is still one you could listen to and enjoy and the band is still rather respectable. It's just that this band is the equivalent for me of looking at my hair in old photgraphs. I wonder how I could be so dumb and still succesfully walk across the street.

#26: Eminem "My Name Is": I'll repeat what I said last night: can't people finish their song titles? How the hell am I supposed to know what your name is if you don't tell me? On the scale of "Eminem is a poet of our time" and "Eminem is an idiot" I fall more towards the poet side of the line. Guy was a darn good rapper. He's turned into a hip hop version of Weird Al but with a track like this he was hitting on all cylinders.

Tomorrow, the top 25. Looking at the list I feel safe to say that things can only get worse.

The 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: # 75 to 51

Like most people I spend my Christmas Eve following that most time honored tradition: Arguing about the release date of Public Enemy songs...

Re: Fight the Power: Crap, I was wrong. Fight the Power was released as a single in 1989 as part of the Do the Right Thing soundtrack (which I should have remembered). I was confused due to the fact that the track is on Fear of a Black Planet with 911 is a Joke and that was released in 1990. So I made a mistake. Please write down the date as this is one of the few times that I have ever made a mistake, much less admitted to one.

Anyway, back to the countdown of what VH1 considers great...

#75: Kris Kross "Jump": Daddy Mack and Mack Daddy were so hip that they wore their clothes backwards. I assume this made going to the bathroom an extremely challenging proposition though this was at the same time the Depends adult undergarment was introduced. When people wonder how hip hop became mainstream it is sad to admit that part of the reason was two 13 year olds wearing backwards clothes.

#74: Cher "Believe": I'd have a hard time considering this to be one of Cher's top 100 songs. Not memorable for anything other than being another instance of an artist turning to electronica as the next cool thing right after Moby decided to record a punk rock album.

#73: Marcy Playground "Sex and Candy": Two great tastes that go great together. A rather good song that is surprisingly dark sounding for a one hit wonder. Was seemingly everywhere one summer and then the band just disappeared. I don't even know if they recorded another song.

#72: Barenaked Ladies "One Week": I'm surprisingly ambivalent towards the Barenaked Ladies. I have friends who are big fans but they never did anything for me. I don't dislike them, I have no problem listening to their music when I come across it, but I just never understood what the big deal was. When I can't get behind a band that discusses Sailor Moon in their biggest song I think that is a serious sign that something is horribly wrong.

#71: Arrested Development "Tennessee": Another groundbreaking hip hop song and one that showed that rap can be intelligent. Not that Public Enemy and others weren't showing that before it's just now it didn't scare people in the suburbs. Sadly this song is best remembered for the most awful rap in the middle about horseshoes. It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now.

#70: Jamiroquai "Virtual Insanity": Are we talking greatest videos or greatest songs here? I mean the video was awesome in the "Whoa, the guy is dancing while the floor is moving" sort of way but the song isn't memorable in the least. I remember the guy's hat, which I believe was later purchased by Mystery, more than the song itself.

#69: Korn "Freak on a Leash": I don't really have any problem with this song being on the list. Of all of those new metal bands of the late 90's this was the best track of the bunch. Loud, disturbing and with a rather indecipherable meaning. At least there is no Limp Bizkit in the Top 100. VH1 apaprently has some standards.

#68: Will Smith "Getting Jiggy Wit It": Questions people seldom ask me "EC, are you presently getting jiggy with it?" What are we supposed to be getting jiggy with I do ask? The song title is woefully indescriptive when it comes to the entire state of jigginess. That said, Will Smith could have had a career path of Young MC (one hit song in the 80s leading to an appearance on Celebrity Fit Club in the naughts). Instead he is the biggest movie star around. Pretty cool career path.

#67: Dee-Lite "Groove is in the Heart": Crap, I was in high school when this song came out. That's literally half a lifetime ago now. It's still a for lack of a better term groovy sort of song. Plus, any track that has a surprise appearance by Bootsie Collins will always make a best of list.

#66: Edwin McCain "I'll Be": I honestly don't remember this song at all. In fact, all I know of Edwin McCain is that he is one of those guys like Chris Jericho who is always on VH1s I Love the [Insert Decade Here] shows despite not having any fame whatsoever. Well, Chris Jericho is famous but you know what I mean.

#65: Digital Underground "The Humpty Dance": I now officially call BS on this list. How is this song not in the Top 20? I can guarantee you that if you play this at any social gathering you will get everyone doing the Humpty Hump even though it was never clear what the Humpty Hump was. This track was just all kinds of awesome. Let's remember the lyric that carried me through many a tough time growing up "My name is Humpty, it rhymes with Umpty, I like my oatmeal lumpy."

#64: The Presidents of the United States of America "Peaches": We're not talking about metaphorical peaches here. The song is actually about the fruit and/or vegetable. I think the fact that this song became a hit even took the band by surprise. One of the few times I've ever seen a band interviewed regarding their hit song and they reply "I seriously don't understand why anyone is buying it."

#63: The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Mase and Puff Daddy "Mo Money Mo Problems": So far I have seen minimal empirical data that proves that having mo money conclusively leads to mo problems. I have filed the paperwork to receive a grant to better study this issue in detail. Can't disagree with this track making the list.

#62: Live "I Alone": This is the song featuring the shirtless lead singer bouncing around like a total douche and not their other hit song that featured the word "placenta" in one of the verses. That would be Lightning Crashes, which is up their with Ben Folds Five "Brick" as songs that became hits due to the fact that no one paid attention to what they were actually about. For some reason I always disliked Live even though their songs were pretty good. I just always felt that they were trying too hard to be U2 at a time when there really wasn't a need for another U2.

#61: Sheryl Crow "All I Wanna Do": Yes, I did get this album when it became a big hit. The song has aged well but man, the rest of the album has not. She's another artist who deserves credit for taking advantage of an opportunity and just never letting go. No reason why she didn't turn into a one hit wonder but instead she became one of the biggest stars of the 90s. Again, no complaints about this song making the list.

#60: Bell Biv Devoe "Poison": The degree to which I liked this song when I was 17 is indescribable. I can't tell you why I liked it, other than MTV played it on their countdown show every day, I just did. Of all the former New Edition stars I'd much rather by a new Bell Biv Devoe record than a new Bobby Brown disc.

#59: Weezer "Buddy Holly": I'm amazed that Weezer is still around. Mainly because they are too good of a band to still be in the popular eye a decade after they first hit the scene. A great dorky song and a video set literally in an episode of Happy Days. I've still never quite figured out how they shot the video. It is quite possible that Spike Jonez perfected the Time Machine and simply sent the band back, bribed Garry Marshall, and filmed it during an episode.

#58: Sophie B. Hawkins "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover": Here's the strange thing about VH1, for as much they are doing a bunch of one hit wonders and big but bad songs they still added tracks like this. It's higher than it should be but it was a good song. But I doubt that it was ever a hit. Sophie had a rather interesting, breathy type of voice that made her intoning of the chorus sound, uh how can I put this, rather exciting? Especially when you never could quite figure out if she was singing to a guy or a girl or some sort of mermaid.

#57: Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule "Can I Get a...": Once again, I call for specifity in song titles. How do I know what to bring you if you aren't clear about it. I really shouldn't make fun of this song given that Jay-Z owns about half the planet right now.

#56: LL Cool J "Mama Said Knock You Out": It's a freaking crime that they didn't put this track in the Top 20. "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years." This is probably on every workout mix ever made and for good reason. It is the ultimate pump yourself up song. Also, this was part of the brilliant Yo MTV Raps Unplugged where LL pulls out a rather amazing version of this song in a new environment. Ah, back when MTV actually gave a rat's ass about music.

#55: Fiona Apple "Criminal": I'm kind of amazed that I don't own a Fiona Apple CD. Given what else is in my collection you would think that I would have gone for this. Maybe I was just put off by her attitude even though it was just the attitude of any 18 year old who thought they understood the world's problems. It's just that most 18 years olds are rightfully not given a microphone and national airplay. This is a killer song with a video that to this day makes me wonder how in the world were they able to air it.

#54: Joan Osborne "One of Us": I hate this song. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. I didn't have a problem with it when I first bought the disc before it became a hit. It's just that after months and motnhs of constantly hearing this whiny song you were actively cheering for her career to go down the drain. This is a great example of how one song can ruin someone's career simply by it never getting off the airwaves.

#53: Naughty by Nature "O.P.P.": We used to discuss and/or sing this song while waiting in line at the cafeteria in college. Given that I hung out almost exclusively with engineers, a group that all wore glasses and looked like we were trying out for the Dilbert convention, this must have been quite a sight. I would like to apologize to Naughty by Nature for any damage this caused to their reputation. And for once, I will say not specifying what the other P stood for added to the mystique of the song.

#52: Sugar Ray "Fly": While I don't really like Sugar Ray there is one story about the band that I love. VH1 used to do Celebrity Music Jeopardy for charity. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray was unstoppable in the game. It would literally be going into Final Jeopardy "Mark McGrath: 15,000 CC Deville: 4. That's why he has ended up hosting entertainment shows, he's better suited to being a knowledgable personality than a rock star. I give the guy credit just for that.

#51: Tupac (featuring Dr. Dre and Roger Trautman) "California": Closing out the night with the Mad Max inspired video for this song. I never quite understood how a post apocalyptic landscape lent itself to this track but it worked for me. I could go into a discussion of how Tupac has released more albums after he died than he did while he was alive but as a Jeff Buckley fan I have absolutely no ground to stand on in that argument. Hell, I've twice bought rereleases of Jeff Buckley albums that I already owned.

So that's the first half. All the songs should be better from here on in. Sadly looking at the list that is in no way the case. Merry Christmas everyone.

The 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s: #100 - 76

I'm going to try something a little different this week. Much like television networks are now bombarding us with holiday programming I am going to do a special presentation of my own. However, I hope that mine turns out to be slightly better than forcing your family to sit down and watch The Santa Clause 2. That Tim Allen, he sure is...he sure is...something.

Anyway, last week VH1 released their list of the Top 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s and I feel that there is no better person than myself to go through the list and critique it. I'll do it 25 songs at a time and on Thursday I'll write up the songs that they missed and oh boy, did they miss a few. I have no idea what their criteria was, or how they considered something "great", and it looks like only one song per band was included. This should be interesting.

(And yes, you can go to www.vh1.com to see the full list, check out videos and I don't know, hire Kris Kross for your kids birthday party. Do so at your leisure.)

#100: Gerardo "Rico Suave": And we start off with an indication that we are really being loose with the definition of "Greatest". A song that is best known for the video featuring the rappers abs and a rather out of place mariachi band. That said, whenever someone says "Rico" I pretty much autonatically respond with "Suave".

#99: Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)": Don't know this song. Sorry.

#98: EMF "Unbelievable": To truly understand the early 90's you do have to include a song that features a sample of Andrew Dice Clay. He was just a 1990 type of guy. While I'm not a fan of the song it really was one of the first rave type songs to break out and bring the Madchester scene to America. Plus, the rumor that the band name stood for Ecstasy MFers is up there with KMFDM standing for Kill MFing Depeche Mode.

#97: Prince and the New Power Generation "Get Off": Thankfully for Blogger this was back when Prince was Prince. One of those videos that I appreciated greatly mainly because I was a freshman in college with basic cable. Not a bad song even if it will always be remembered for Prince's VMA performance of it in assless pants.

#96: Nelson "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection": So theoretically in all of the 90's there were only 95 songs that were better than this. Now I'll admit that the end of the decade sucked but I can name 95 songs in 1993 that were better than this one. Is this the one with the video featuring the indian and the feather and the kid dreaming that Nelson would save him? Yeah, this list sucks.

#95: Montell Jordan "This Is How We Do It": The song you heard at every party and/or dance club for a good decade. Until today I never knew who performed it.

#94: Fastball "The Way": In the late 90's there were about three dozen songs like the way a bunch of which show up on the list. It's the only song you ever heard from the band and you constantly go "Was that Semisonic or was it Marcy Playground?"

#93: Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories "Stay": First song that I think should be higher. This was so much a mid-90's staple and a classic story as well. Unsigned singer lives next to Ethan Hawke, gets him to put her song on the Reality Bites soundtrack and it goes on to become this major hit. Video was one of those brilliant one shot/no edits pieces featuring Lisa looking like every girl I wanted to date in college but could never figure out how to ask out.

#92: Public Enemy "911 is a Joke": I like Flavor Flav. He is an American original. But if you are going to have one PE song on this list how the hell can it not be Fight the Power. That is the song that made you sit back and go "whoa". This was more "why is he wearing a clock?"

#91: Sarah McLachlan "Building a Mystery": For the record, I never went to Lilith Fair. I listened to every single artist who performed but never actually went. Not my favorite song of Sarah's but it is a rather good one. Man, did she have a killer voice.

#90: New Radicals "You Get What You Give": Of all the one hit wonders in the 90's this is probably my favorite. Up beat, catchy and calls out Courtney Love, Marilyn Manson and Hanson at various points. It's still a great song today and that is saying something.

#89: Liz Phair "Never Said": Got to give VH1 some credit, I wouldn't expect Liz Phair to make the list. As with all Liz songs, it's not the song itself that matters it is what she is saying and how she is saying it. More than the Lilith Fair artists, Liz is the one who broke down the door for the female confessional song in which she has no qualms saying precisely what she feels. I'm still a fan even if she has gone pop.

#88: Duncan Sheik "Barely Breathing": Another late 90's wussy rock song. A nice song but nothing worth writing about.

#87: Billy Ray Cyrus "Achy Breaky Heart": It's because of songs like this that I have a hard time standing in the country section of a record store. I'm continually frightened by any song that has a well organized and intricate dance associated with it. I don't dance much but I've always assumed that it was to release your inner emotions and uniqueness. The "stand in a line and do precisely what everyone else does" really bothers me.

#86: The Cranberries "Linger": One of those songs that you forget about for years and then just the name makes you sigh. What a freaking beautiful song with a black and white video featuring Delores O'Riordan looking gorgeous beyond belief. This song went on many a mix tape back when I was in college. Hell, I'd still use it today if I had a reason to.

#85: Cypress Hill "Insane in the Brain": Insane in the membrane. It's insane got no brain. Insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain. Repeat as necessary. B-Real, truly a poet of our time. I'm still bummed I didn't go to the Lollapalooza tour where they performed.

#84: Snow "Informer": Because what would the 90's have been without a white rapper from Toronto performing vaguely reggae songs. To be honest, this wasn't even a hit back when it was a hit. No way it should be on this list.

#83: The Breeders "Cannonball": Hell yeah! My best example of why the early 90's were awesome as a music fan: this was a legitimate hit song despite the fact that it had almost no redeeming pop qualities at all. Just a bass loop, distorted vocals and the Deal twins screaming into microphones. This was also when Alternative Nation was its own nightly show on MTV and you'd deal with Kennedy just to see these videos nightly.

#82: Geto Boys "Mind Playing Tricks On Me": Best known for Bushwick Bill, the little person rapper shot by his girlfriend. For the album cover they used the actual picture of him being taken out of the ambulance. As a white kid from the suburbs this made me go "These dudes are seriously hardcore."

#81: Paula Cole "I Don't Want to Wait": I own this CD. I don't know when I bought it. I don't know how I bought it. I don't know why it is in my CD collection still. If anyone can provide any rationale behind why I ever thought this was a good song please let me know. Otherwise it will just have to wait until I complete my time machine.

#80: Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy": This is a top 25 song if there ever was one. Not of the 90's, of all time. He's too sexy for his cat for crying out loud! What do you think about that? I've spent more than a decade defending the awesomeness of this song mainly because everyone involved knew it was a joke and played it as such. They didn't use this to try to become serious artists, they knew they had written a brilliant, funny, nonsensical pop song and went for it. Some groups only have one song in them. For The Kingsmen it was "Louie Louie", for Right Said Fred it is "I'm Too Sexy".

#79: Meredith Brooks "Bitch": Not all of Lillith Fair was good. I'm not sure we needed this to be a hit song. Incredibly, Tori Amos isn't on this list (I'll add her on Thursday) but this song is. I'm not sure if many people even remember it.

#78: Lenny Kravitz "Are You Gonna Go My Way": More than the fact that this song rocks, I'll always remember the female drummer with the best afro ever. She looked so cool that MTV News actually had to do a bit where they showed that she was the actual drummer and not an actress portraying one for the video. Sure, it's just a Hendrix song but Jimi was awesome. Might as well copy from the best.

#77: Ice Cube "It Was a Good Day": They mentioned this on the special but can you believe that the guy who headed up NWA now stars in movies like "Are We There Yet"? That just seems so wrong. It's like having Johnny Rotten appear as judge on a reality show for rock bands. Oh wait, that happened too...

#76: Blues Traveler "Run Around": Closing tonight out with a non jam song by a jam band. I was happy when this song became a hit because I really felt that these guys deserved to be popular. When I finally saw them in concert a decade later I realized that a) they were better when the lead singer was fat and b) if they played another freaking bass solo I was going to hit someone across the back of the head with a chair.

Tomorrow, 75-51. And if I'm up to it, I might make up my own list as well.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Golden Smog "Blood on the Slacks"
2) Emmylou Harris "Red Dirt Girl"
3) Smashing Pumpkins "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness"
4) Spoon "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga"
5) Kelly Hogan "Because It Feel Good"

Bowling for dollars

In order to continue my fine tradition of community service it is time for me to once again put on the orange jumpsuit and serve the greater good. Tonight: an overview of the college bowl season. I’d review all 32 games but heck, even I have a life. Here we go.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs. Navy: I’ve been watching the game tonight and I have to say that I really want to bank at the San Diego County Credit Union. Good customer service, reasonable rates and some snappy commercials. It would make going to the ATM a bitch though. Hopefully you watched the game to see the triple option, which you would think Notre Dame would learn to defend after seeing it every year.

Papajohns.com Bowl: Southern Miss. vs. Cincinnati: Not sponsored by Papa Johns mind you, buy by their website. Be sure to stay tuned to the halftime spectacular “Honoring those peppers we put in the box that no one has ever eaten.” I’ll take Brett Favre’s alma mater in this one, partly because he carried my fantasy team and partly because I didn’t even know Cincinnati had a football team.

New Mexico Bowl: Nevada vs. New Mexico: Yes, New Mexico is playing in the New Mexico Bowl. That is the college football equivalent of receiving a participant ribbon. That has to suck for the team. You work all season and you get to celebrate by playing again in the exact same place as you’ve played all season.

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl: UCLA vs. BYU: I believe that this is the second straight year that BYU is playing in Vegas. Apparently they spent so much money on the strip last time they had to be invited back. Thankfully the casinos now know to stock up on O’Doul’s in advance of the onslaught of fans. And hell, UCLA couldn’t even beat Notre Dame. How the hell did they end up in a bowl game.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Boise State vs. East Carolia: Wow, there’s an East Carolina now. The things the Republicans do to insure a few more electoral college votes. The New Mexico players must hate Boise State, who get to leave Idaho and hang out in Hawaii for a week. Now that’s even better than beating Oklahoma last year.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Arizona State vs. Texas: Historically, this is the best bowl game of the year. For some reason it always ends up being 57-53 with a half dozen trick plays in between. Texas brings good uniforms and Arizona State brings….a dude in a devil costume? Cute coeds? The return of Jake “The Snake” Plummer? Something like that.

Texas Bowl: TCU vs. Houston: It’s like the New Mexico Bowl except it thinks it is bigger and more important. We’ll all agree to not tell them that we still don’t care and maybe they’ll be quiet for a while.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: UConn vs. Wake Forest: Come for the tire rotation, stay for the bowl game. This would have been a great matchup if it was a) in the mid-90’s and b) in basketball. I think I lost more money betting on Tim Duncan in college than any other team in my history. I’m still waiting for Wake to make a damn Final Four.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Penn State vs. Texas A&M: I believe that the Valero is that car that Homer Simpson designed. You know, the one with the bubble roof and the huge tailfins and the cup holders for the super big gulp. Hey, they turned 7-11’s into Kwik-E-Marts I think we could use more imaginary bowl sponsors. I’ll be cheering for Penn State here just so I can have more proof that the Big Ten is superior to the Big 12. It is, I just need proof.

PetroSun Independence Bowl: Alabama vs. Colorado: I would like to institute a moment of silence for the former Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl. For as much as I make fun of the sponsorships there will never be a cooler sponsor than Poulan Weed Eaters. It is the only reason that I can tell you that this game is in Shreveport and I guarantee you that when I reach a point in my life where I need to buy a weed eater I will buy a Poulan.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: California vs. Air Force: First rule of gambling: Do not bet against a military academy in the Armed Forces Bowl.

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State: My favorite bowl game of the year. It’s the Humanitarian Bowl where unsportsmanlike conduct is not allowed, played on blue turf in Boise, Idaho. Georgia Tech receives the punishment from the ACC this year and has to play this game. And yes, I did once refer to someone as “the female equivalent of the Humanitarian Bowl.” Screw rating women on a 1-10 scale, bowl games are much more descriptive.

Brut Sun Bowl: South Florida vs. Oregon: I’ll only watch this game if the announcers continually refer to it as the Brut by Faberge Sun Bowl. Brut by Faberge, it’s what you wear when you want to smell slightly less like ass.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: Clemson vs. Auburn: Ah, the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl. I enjoy this game for a reason that has absolutely nothing to do with football or affordably priced chicken sandwiches. Mainly due to one of my greatest lines in business school. “Sure, I could date her but it would be like accepting a bid to the Humanitarian Bowl. I’ll be favored and I’ll definitely put points on the board but at some point I would realize that I’m playing on blue turf in Boise in December. But if I tried for the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl I know I’ll be a heavy underdog but you know what, at least I’m playing somewhere warm in January.” Yeah, that analogy probably explains why things didn’t work out with either party.

AT&T Cotton Bowl: Missouri vs. Arkansas: I like Missouri, they’re a fun team to watch. Not a national championship team and Illinois should have beaten them but a good team nonetheless. Even with all of the coaching changes I just see Darren McFadden running wild on Missouri. Plus it is a bit of a bummer in the BCS that Mizzou went from the title game to this in about thirty seconds.

FedEx Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Kansas: Question: Do they have to rebalance the load on the airplane for Mark Mangino? This isn’t just my usual ragging on local teams but I can see Kansas just getting blitzed in this game. They’ve never been on this big of a stage, I don’t think they’re as good as their record and the Hokies can just unleash their defense and special teams. Admittedly, Virginia Tech doesn’t have an offense and if Mangino can make adjustments during the three hour halftime spectacular/buffet they might have a chance.

And of course, the biggest game of them all…
Rose Bowl presented by Citi: Illinois vs. USC: Woo! We’re playing in the Rose Bowl! We’re playing in the Rose Bowl! So what if we lose, we finally get to play in the Rose Bowl! I’ll probably provide a live blog of this one if only so I can use all of my Illini football stories. I know that no one gives us a chance but you know what, I like this squad. If anything, we might get to see how well the kids perform on a big stage. At least for one day I’ll get to wear my orange and blue with pride.

The time and the season

I don’t know if this is a result of where I live or how I live but it is really difficult for me to get into the holiday spirit. I know that part of this is just a factor of getting older and realizing that I will never look at getting presents with quite as much glee as I did as a nine year old. But there are some other factors there and I kind of want to talk about them.

One of which can either be described as either global warming or what it is like living a little farther south than I would typically like. See for me Christmas is synonymous with snow. While that wasn’t always the case growing up I am used to snow covered ground on Christmas morning. Here in KC we got a really nice three inch snowfall over the weekend where at one point it looked like a near whiteout. One of those storms that let you know that winter is here and it is time to focus on the season. Or that is what you would do if it wasn’t in the forties today and all the snow has melted. So instead of having everything covered in a blanket of pure, white snow I get to spend my drive to work looking at dead, yellow grass and trees with half their leaves still stubbornly staying put. That just doesn’t seem like Christmas to me.

I can’t really understand what someone who grew up in California associates with Christmas. The weather is the same weather it always is. I can’t see a kid going “I have to wear a windbreaker that means Christmastime is here.” I know this is a minor thing but to me it is as important as lights on houses and specials on television. It lets you know that time has passed.

But probably the bigger factor is how I live or at least how I experience the world. Most of my week is spent in an office where besides a few token decorations every day looks like every other day. As I’ve often said, I can’t even see a window so there is no sense of a holiday. At best you have a sense of people rushing to use the last of their vacation before they lose it. That’s just an odd state of affairs. Now I’m not fond of Secret Santa or any other organized holiday festivities but my office certainly isn’t a place that puts you in the spirit.

The rest of my life, well, it doesn’t match the pictures in commercials either. When you design for yourself a space age bachelor pad existence the holidays really don’t factor into the equation. I lack certain items like a tree or a wreath, which makes things seem a little less than festive. Again, I’m not sure if I find anything wrong with that. My life is at a point where having those things would seem completely silly. But I know I’m missing something and it bothers me.

I’ve been writing about the trappings of the season and I know those have little to nothing to do with the entire spirit of the time. A time to take a step back and recollect and thank those who help us through the year. I understand the meaning of Christmas but that doesn’t mean I always get to experience it. That’s what the trappings are for, to help provide emotional cues. It might be silly and cliché but sometimes that’s what you need in order to experience the moment.

Since it’s Wednesday and I needed to post a song I decided to go with the greatest Christmas song ever (and not just because I won money in a trivia contest for knowing that Midge Ure was the cowriter.)

We really need a Spears Family Christmas Special

One of the horrible things about the writers’ strike is that it greatly reduces the number of topics I have to write about. No new How I Met Your Mother episodes (by the way, if the series does not resume the creators have informed me that the mother is the coat check girl) and The Big Bang Theory is in indefinite reruns. What in the world could possibly happen that I might be able to write about? I mean, it’s not like the younger sister of a troubled starlet is going to get pregnant or anything…

Oops…I did it again.

(Yes it is a horrible pun but do you know how many headlines are going to have a variation of that in the morning.)

For those of you who have missed the big news, Brit’s little sister and star of the hit Nickelodeon series Zoey 101, Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers. Now when you read Nickelodeon star and preggers that leads to one simple question with an obvious answer; Jamie Lynn is 16 years old. I think I speak for most of North America when I say that is seriously f-ed up.

I mean, being pregnant at sixteen is messed up to begin with. Last night I made fun of people with the Clapper having kids but at least they are adults. At sixteen you should barely be allowed to drive at night much less be involved in raising a child. Now on top of that, imagine having something like this play out in the national media. Does anyone ever dream of being the poster child for unwed teenage mothers?

Now add this to the banner year that the Spears family has been having already. Brit’s a complete mess and can’t even be bothered to make the court dates to argue for custody of her own two children. That’s the sad part of that whole state of affairs; she’s so screwed up that she can’t even be bothered to get out of bed to see if she can gain custody. Brit claims illness but let’s be honest, most mothers would come to court with their leg in a bear trap if it meant a better chance at seeing their kids. Maybe it is understandable that her little sister gets pregnant. It might be the only attention she has gotten all year.

You really have to look at their parents throughout all of this and wonder just what the hell they were thinking. Remember that both girls were raised to be superstars and not kids. This is like one of those beauty pageant moms gone berserk. The idea was to groom the girls into pop superstardom and as a result I don’t know if they have any grounding in reality. One can’t purchase fame and while you can manufacture infamy it just isn’t the same. Now Brit is a tired joke and Jamie Lynn will be handing her kid off to a nanny while wondering how to resurrect her career at 18. What a strange world.

(Switching gears, one story from the weekend that I need to share here. I had a dream that I was in How I Met Your Mother over the weekend. As in I was Ted or Ted was me or since the character is based on me I am me. Either way, I was literally in a bar with Barney and was able to successfully steal a girl away from him. That might be my biggest accomplishment of the past month and it wasn’t even real.)

Welcome to your future

Ladies and gentlemen, I have found the ultimate gift. If you are still fretting about finding that perfect present for the special someone in your life have no fear. I have found your solution. Even if you have completed your shopping and your gifts are now meticulously wrapped I suggest that you throw everything you bought out, no, not even that. I ask that you build a bonfire in your backyard out of those pitiful trifles that you misguidedly thought could bring joy to your loved ones. The ultimate expression of the modern American experience is available for purchase. Better than the Chia Tree. More glorious than the OvGlove. Yes, even more stupendous than the Billy Bass. I give to you the Clapper Plus.

(This is real. Oh yes, this is real.)

Now I assume that everyone is familiar with the Clapper. A rather simple switch that is activated through an auditory input, most commonly a forceful slapping of one’s hands together in what is colloquially referred to as “a clap”. By connecting a device such as a lamp to the Clapper one can control the flow of electricity to the lamp thus allowing the illumination of a room to be commanded from the comfort of their own chair. No longer must one be confronted by long, treacherous walks and confusing switches. The Clapper solves all of those perplexing issues.

However, under certain circumstances one finds themselves in situations where clapping (or loud noises in general) are frowned upon. As the commercial clearly indicates, suppose that you are in a room with a mother and her small child who has finally fallen asleep. In such an instance one cannot haphazardly clap their hands and risk waking the infant, possibly causing irreparable harm to the child’s psyche resulting in a lifetime of psychiatric care. But how can one then turn off the light? For such a situation the Clapper Plus was created. Clapper Plus: The Clapper with a remote control.

Yes, while the Clapper freed you from the tedium of having to use both legs and a modicum of fine motor control in order to turn off the lights, the Clapper Plus now frees you from having to utilize all of your arm muscles. Now turning off the lights is simply a button push away. For the more adventurous amongst you they recommend mounting the Clapper Plus remote to the wall, thus replacing a light switch with another, more convenient light switch. The possibilities boggle the mind.

What does this say about our society? Are we so lazy that we can no longer be bothered to clap? Is cynicism running so rampant that people no longer understand how to clap? Should the Clapper Plus be bundled with coupons for gastric bypass surgery? Given that the use case shown in the commercial involves a mother and child (the Madonna with child imagery running rampant throughout the entire 30 second spot), doesn’t this raise the question of whether people who own a Clapper should be allowed to procreate? If operating light switches proves difficult how in the world will one provide food, shelter and emotional support for a helpless, totally dependent human being?

What worries me the most about this is the fact that it shows that we are becoming more and more dependent on things to do even the most simplest tasks. Douglas Adams wrote about this a decade ago when he asked the simple question “Could you build a toaster?” Think about it, we are sitting in the most technically advanced civilization that has ever existed (at least since the destruction of Atlantis) yet if I asked you to make toast you would be lost without a toaster. Even with a EE degree I’d struggle in building one and would be lucky to only burn the toast as opposed to an entire building. Part of that is modern society; with so much specialization we can no longer understand much that surrounds us. But you have to fight it. Not all technology is necessary. At the end of the day, you need to be able to flip the switch yourself.

The Blue Lion is Still the Coolest...

Best of 120 Minutes: Sigh. I miss the early 90’s. Not only did you still have videos but you could make them for under a hundred bucks and still get them in major rotation. I think I spent my entire junior year of college sitting around watching Pavement videos. Well that and nearly cracking under the pressure of electrical engineering classes. (I’ll tell that story one of these days. Closest I’ve ever come to giving up at anything in my life.) Not sure why I’m posting this under than I got a haircut over the weekend.

Sadly, that might be my biggest accomplishment of the entire weekend. It was just one of those weekends where my plans for going out on Saturday night were derailed by the fact that I decided to lie down at nine o’clock and could never convince myself to get back up again. As a general rule of thumb, you should never go out when you are already yawning. I wish I could say that I was tired due to a busy Saturday but in reality all I did was watch television as it snowed outside. Not a huge storm but enough to screw up the roads for awhile. It does make things pretty, I’ll give it that much.

Actually, driving down Ward Parkway after the ice storm last week was really cool. All of these old trees completely covered with ice and the branches slowly being dragged towards the ground were an awesome visual. Especially when a) they’re not my trees and b) I’m not the one worrying if they are going to hit a power line. As I’ve said in the past the one thing that worried me when I worked for the utility was an ice storm because there was nothing that you could do. You just sat there, watched your system collapse and then tried to figure out how many weeks it would take to replace all the poles. It’s never nice to feel helpless especially when it is your job we are talking about.

(Though it does look like the storm will result in my losing in the fantasy football playoffs. When you’ve spent the entire season living off of your wide receivers and the quarterbacks can’t even see them because of the snow it’s just not to be. Put up one hell of a fight though.)

I also got my Christmas shopping done or at least effectively done. That means that I have enough vague gifts to give to everyone on my list but there are a few other things that I need to pick up which shouldn’t be too challenging. Going in with a gameplan does make shopping a little easier as well as knowing when to shop. Chiefs games are always a good time in this town as is any time there is snow on the ground. I also picked up a very special gift for myself: the Black Lion edition of the Voltron DVDs. This gives me all five lions and, uh, probably something else I should hide in my apartment. Honestly, the wrestling DVDs are hidden now but Voltron and Beavis and Butthead still hold a prominent place in the collection. I’m not sure if that is a good thing.

(It doesn’t help that the Voltron series came in these ultra-cool metallic bins so they automatically attract attention. It’s just not always the type of attraction that one always wants. Having to explain that you are in your mid-thirties and collect episodes regarding robotic lions piloted by teenagers who can combine to form a super-robot with a large sword is not the easiest thing to do on a first date.)

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen”
2) Sonny Landreth “The Road We’re On”
3) Kasey Chambers “The Captain”
4) Freakwater “End Time”
5) Whiskeytown “Faithless Street”

Jack and Diane wasn't even a good song

John Cougar Mellencamp? Are you freaking kidding me? In the entire history of rock and roll they decide that the person most in need of honoring is John Freaking Cougar Freaking Mellencamp?

I think that every year I rant and rail against the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now you do need to understand the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has about as much legitimacy as the WWE Hall of Fame in that there is no real structure as to who is chosen. Basically while the inductees are officially chosen by music critics there is a lot of smoky back room deals going on where the final choices are basically determined by Rolling Stone and Atlantic Records (because they funded the damn thing in the first place). And much like you shouldn’t turn to Rolling Stone for music reviews you shouldn’t trust their taste in determining the best musicians of all time.

(On the other hand, the WWE Hall of Fame has improved in recent years in acknowledging performers who were never in the WWE proper. It still is biased as hell and if you pissed off Vince you’ll be ignored but at least they inducted Curt Hennig. That’s a start. Call me when they induct Rikidozan or El Santo though.)

Anyway, as you can see I am more than a bit irate in the nominations. Did John Cougar Mellencamp have hits? Yep, no question about it. In fact he had a massive amount of them when you think about it. I can’t even make many jokes about him as a human being given all of the support he gave to Farm Aid. The worst thing you can say about him is the damn “This Is Our Country” commercial that is seemingly played during every sporting event. So on the surface he has hall of fame credentials.

But do you legitimately think that twenty years from now anyone is going to give a damn about John Cougar Mellencamp? His music is nice and that isn’t what you want to memorialize. Let’s remember the daring and the challenging and the world changing. They’re inducting Madonna as well who definitely falls behind him on the musical scale but will be remembered for her image and self-promotion more than anything else. At least that is what a huge portion of rock and roll is about: it’s all about image.

Incredibly though there was one induction that floored me. They’re actually going to induct Leonard Cohen. Now that is someone who deserves to be remembered even though I don’t think he ever had anything that could be considered a legitimate hit. Heck, I’m not even sure if you gave the average listener one of his discs whether or not they would actually like it. But there is one thing that should guarantee his induction. He wrote “Halleluiah”.

It may be the best song ever written. Everyone covers it and no one sings it the same way. I’ll probably end up writing a master’s thesis on what it means. But it is just about as close to perfection as we can get on this planet. Here is Rufus Wainwright’s version (I’d post Jeff Buckley’s but Sony won’t allow embedded videos.)

Fear does not exist in my dojo

I’m proud to announce that after much thought and effort I have successfully led Cobra Kai into the Fantasy Football playoffs. We had a great regular season winning our division by two games and having the high score in the league for four of the fourteen weeks. Led by team captain Joseph Addai, the quarterback hydra and super sub Wes Welker we now move on to challenge the horribly named Loves Tigers (featuring Tom Brady and Ladanian Tomlinson) in the semi-finals.

(For those wondering about the team I drafted for my buddy, he won the wild card berth and had the high score for three weeks. Now that is some good drafting.)

However, I am looking for some added guidance in my lineup decision for this week. The big decision is at quarterback as I must choose amongst my three headed monster of Brett Favre, Matt Hasselbeck and Derek Anderson. Right now I have Anderson but if anyone, especially someone with access to Green Bay info, wants to challenge my selection please let me know. The other choice is between Lee Evans and Jerricho Cotchery for my third wide receiver. Lee is good for either 20 points or 2 points, you never know which. Any ideas from the crowd?

One other fantasy football comment, which I know bores the pants off of people. I have ended up with Josh Brown as my kicker. I’ve been playing this game for four years and every year Josh Brown ends up as my kicker. I don’t even draft the guy anymore, he just gets placed on the team. Anyone else have a guy they always seem to end up playing?

Switching gears, I saw some sad news online from a source that might not be totally official but is as strong as I could find. One of my favorite writers, Terry Pratchett, has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. To give a sense of to what degree he is one of my favorites I just counted and from where I am sitting I can see over thirty books of his that I have scattered about, a number of which I traveled to England in order to buy. His Discworld series is one part fantasy and one part social satire and can go from funny to thought provoking and back again in an instance. Take care Terry and if you haven’t read his books you definitely should. Basically, if you liked Douglas Adams you will like Terry.

(I also have to say that in keeping with his sense of humor he ended his press release to his fans by saying roughly “I know it is human nature to say ‘Is there anything I can do to help?” but right now I’m not entertaining any offers unless you have a high-end knowledge of brain chemistry.” That’s actually a good attitude to have in my mind.)

Wednesday Night Music Club: There were a few shows this year that I missed because I was out of town. None bothers me as much as missing Old Crow Medicine Show. There is something wonderful about watching people younger than me play bluegrass. They have no idea of the rules and all have a punk rock aesthetic and it just changes the nature of the music. It’s old timey for a new age. If you get a chance to see them you really should. I don’t know if seeing Duke football was a sufficient excuse.

I even made my own coffee

Coming next fall on ABC: One’s a mascot. One’s a coach. They’re both cops. Mark Mangino as “Thin” Lou Scalzetti and Obie the Orange as Derek Blue in “The Thin Blue Line”.

(Props to Deadspin for the photo)

Can I ask a simple question? Does the University of Kansas even have a school of nutrition? It worries me that I would go to the ER at KU Med when it is clear that they can’t even tell their head coach to lay off the carbs. He’s the only head coach who wouldn’t surprise me if he rode around the sidelines on a scooter. Either that or a band member playing a tuba should follow him around and provide a soundtrack.

So I did something different today in that I worked from home. Now to be honest, the ice storm didn’t turn out nearly as bad as was feared and I could have made it to work. I just would have been a little later than usual. But, I had permission to work from home and I had never intentionally set out to spend a day telecommuting so I wanted to try it. I’ve worked nights and weekends before but never a typical workday. It was a rather interesting experience.

First off, I have to say that for the first time in, oh, over a freaking decade I finally got to work next to a window. Seriously, no one can understand just how much happier having natural light makes me feel. Also, getting to play music without wearing headphones was a nice treat. A little Polyphonic Spree here, a little Ryan Adams there, hell I even broke out the old Jeff Buckley DVD to make it feel like I was in grad school again. Lunch was quick and didn’t cost me money and I was able to spend part of my lunch hour watching my tape of Monday Night Raw from the night before. I don’t typically get to do that at work. I said typically, I’m not saying it hasn’t been done.

(Before anyone gives me grief it was the 15th Anniversary of Monday Night Raw. Sunny came back. Even The Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman made an appearance. For someone who has been watching Raw for, uh, 15 years this was a big deal.)

Back to the subject at hand, the obvious question is whether or not I was more productive. I’m not entirely sure. I definitely was able to pound through a lot of rather challenging work without any distractions. Heck, the fact that I figure things out by talking them out and was able to do that was good (talking to myself in a cubicle is apparently frowned upon.) But it’s just weird to wonder what you should do next and go “Well, I could vacuum.” That’s not something I typically do during the workday though given the way things are going it may become part of my job description. In the end, I think I prefer going to the office. All I did today was sit in my apartment and spend all day on a computer without talking to a single soul. I do that enough as it is.

One quick How I Met Your Mother comment (which I’ll probably build on tomorrow). The absolute best part of the episode was Marshall telling Barney “Don’t kill the bar.” That was due to Barney’s attempt to hook up with the waitress which when it inevitably fell apart would lead to enough awkwardness that none of them could go to the bar. You don’t know just how real a thing this is. When a bar becomes your own anything that you do that might threaten that status becomes extremely frightening. This doesn’t just address dating bar staff. It also extends to dating other regulars because after the breakup you must decide who gets ownership of the bar and that is not a fun discussion. Best case, one of you just decides to never go into that bar again. While from personal experience I must state that I have cost Harry’s some business because of this I probably made it up to them just by imbibing more due to the fact that I cost them business. It all evens out in the end.

The Trouble With Nostalgia

I had an interesting decision to make last night. There were two concerts competing for my attention. I had to choose between a) paying 20 bucks to see the Lemonheads or b) accepting free tickets to a radio station’s Christmas concert featuring Jackyl. I was greatly tempted by the latter as free is always good and I couldn’t believe that the members of Jackyl were still alive much less touring. I just assumed that they were all killed in some freak onstage chainsaw accident. But, I knew that I had only one choice to make. It was time to put on the flannel and see the Lemonheads.

Now I’ll admit that I am not that big of a fan of the band. In fact, I only know three songs and they are the exact same three songs that everyone else knows: Into Your Arms, It’s a Shame About Ray, and the cover of Mrs. Robinson. Still, this was one of those uber-present bands of my college years. Every magazine had an article about Evan Dando. It wasn’t that he was the most important artist of the day; he just happened to be really photogenic. In fact, all I can remember about him is that he seemed to date every musician in Boston and seemed to be a screwup on many levels.

But I had to go. How else was I going to relive my youth?

I had a strange feeling even looking around the crowd. Sure, some people there made sense. There are few places where wearing a Juliana Hatfield shirt looks normal and a Lemonheads show is one of them. But other people were much too young. I can’t imagine anyone under thirty wanting to go see this band. Is there now some degree of post-modern ironic coolness to the early 90’s? Do the art kids today wish they were in school with me like those idiots I went to school with who thought that the 60’s were awesome? That’s my first problem with nostalgia. You never want to experience someone younger than you feeling nostalgic for your own life.

Things didn’t improve when I mistook Evan Dando for a guitar tech. Honestly, I could have run into him at the grocery store earlier and would never have recognized him. Now it’s not fair for me to say “wow, has he aged” because it’s been fourteen years since the glory days of 1993. Compare what I am today to the pictures of me back then and I’m not sure if I’d come out any better. I’m fifty pounds heavier with graying hair and acne that will go away once I finish puberty, which is probably when I turn sixty. But still, he didn’t look like a rock star. He looked like some guy who was happy to have a gig on a Sunday night.

What really got me though was the music. I didn’t have any technical problems with it. Sound was great, band was tight and people were bouncing up and down. It was more a matter of the songs not making sense any more. Take the song “Into Your Arms”, which I posted the video for last week. That is the ultimate post-adolescent love song. It’s what you put on a mix tape when you’re a sophomore in college (in fact, I’m pretty sure that I did.) It’s about how you can feel that nothing in the world can bother you as long as you have someone by your side. When I listen to the song it doesn’t touch me as being eternally true, it just seems to be the way foolish kids think. It’s made worse by having it sung by a guy in his forties.

See, you don’t view love the same way at 34 as you do at 20. In college it is this wonderful experience that you truly believe has never happened to anyone else but you. It solves every problem and overrides any and all possible concerns. But time makes you view love as being so much more complicated than that. You realize that it isn’t simple and it isn’t a cure all and sometimes no matter how much you care about the other person it just doesn’t work out. I’m pretty much a hopeless romantic and even I feel this way. So while Into Your Arms is still a great song and it makes me think about the past it has no meaning to me in the present. It’s almost non-sensical now. And that leads into what I consider to be the real problem with nostalgia.

Now it is clear that I love the music of my college years, especially given that I scour YouTube for videos every week. I’ll fight to the death about how it was a period of great bands and meaningful music. However even I have to admit that my feelings toward the music have less to do with the bands and more to do with the time in my life. When I think about Jesus Jones’ “Right Here, Right Now” I’m not liking the song because of some great musical epiphany. I like the song because Mike Murray and I rocked out to it during a high school assembly. I’m not nostalgic for music; I just use music to remember people. That’s the problem with nostalgia. It makes you pine for the wrong things. I didn’t see the Lemonheads to see the band. I went to see the band in the hope that all of my friends from college would suddenly arrive and we could have fun again.

For a few people reading this there is an obvious parallel to our nostalgia for the Backer. While it is still my favorite bar ever always remember that it isn’t the bar itself that we are nostalgic for. The Backer is just a bunch of stools, a few beer tabs, a sticky floor and a popcorn machine, which probably took more years off of my life than the alcohol ever did. We don’t miss the place. We miss the people in the place. We miss the staff and each other and knowing that you could just walk in and meet someone you knew. It was a moment in your life where you were surrounded by the coolest and smartest and nicest people you have ever known. Just remember that when you talk about nostalgia you tend to focus on things: places or events or songs. That’s not what you really miss. You really miss the people.

It's dang cold outside

Best of 120 Minutes: There are about a hundred reasons as to why I hang out at Harry’s. High on the list is the fact that there music is played off of an incredibly well programmed iPod. For example, last night I got to hang out and listen to old Morphine songs. There are very few bars around (and definitely none in KC that I know of) where that is a common occurrence. Hell, it was followed by Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and I thought of posting that video as well. It’s just that this video seems to be about scaring children and that is actually more upbeat than a Joy Division song.

Though to be honest, I’m not sure what it says about me that when faced with an ice storm that was shutting down much of the city I decide the best course of action would be to head to a bar. For the record, I was out of beer in my apartment and I do live closer to a bar than a liquor store and I can walk there. Or, since it is downhill I more like slid there. That was a lot of fun on my way in but showed a slight lack of planning on my part as walking up ice laden sidewalks after you’ve been out is not the easiest task in the world.

Since I was cooped up for most of the weekend I ended up cleaning my apartment. It’s probably now the cleanest it has ever been, which means that I will have absolutely no visitors for the next month at least. That’s one of those bizarre rules of my life. If my apartment is disheveled with magazines lying everywhere then everyone will show up at my doorstep. When I get it looking clean and festive no one is there to appreciate it. Just the way life is I guess.

I don’t have much in ways of topics tonight (outside of my trip to Harry’s my weekend consisted of errands that are not worth recounting) I have two items that I might as well bring up now. First is that I am more than open for topic suggestions from anyone out there. If there is something that you’d like to hear my opinion on just let me know. Also, if there are any questions out there (like in the Infrequently Asked Questions posts) send them my way. Anything you want to know: trivia, pop culture analysis, what really happened in the parking lot of the Backer, all is fair game. If there is something about me that you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask here is your chance.

The other is that I’ll be sending out the CDs this week to whoever wants one. Send me an address or convenient drop off point and I’ll make sure they get there. I’ve added Mindy Smith and Keane, removed Steve Earle, switched Jon Dee Graham songs and changed the track order completely. Toughest call was on Steve Earle as I love the song but a) it didn’t play well with the others and b) I’m still pissed that it was also used in a Ford commercial. The Flaming Lips nearly suffered the same fate and I still wonder if the disc would be better off without the song. Still, if you want to get a sense of where my head is at through music here you go.

The five random CDs of the week:
1) Cowboy Mouth “Easy”
2) Josh Ritter “The Animal Years”
3) Mindy Smith “One Moment More”
4) Mindy Smith “My Holiday” (cool, I get to listen to a Christmas CD in December)
5) The Jayhawks “Smile”

This is not a blizzard...

It snowed today, our first snow of the season. As a result, please indulge me in my annual rant entitled “Are you all a bunch of freaking morons?”

Seriously, is there a single person in this town who knows how to drive?

Understand that we received an inch of snow today. No more, no less. Even without treating the streets an inch of snow should not prove to be a hindrance to anyone. Yes, things will be sloppy and slick but the roads are in no way impassible in this condition. Yet we have people leaving work early, avoiding the office and spinning out on the roads all because they seem to be completely oblivious as to how to drive in the snow.

As a guide to those of you who were not granted with common sense, here is all you need to do. 1) Go slower than you usually drive. 2) Give people space because you can’t brake as quickly. 3) If you feel that traction is going to be a problem drop down to a lower gear. There is a reason why your automatic transmission has those numbers 1, 2 and 3 after D. 4) When you clean the snow off your car don’t just clean off the front windshield. And don’t feel proud of yourself for cleaning the rear windshield as well. Clean off the roof of your car and your front and rear hoods. If you don’t all of that snow ends up either on your windshield or the windshield of the guy behind you.

See, that’s not too difficult. I lived through Chicago winters driving a Grand Am with no ground clearance. If I can get around following these rules I don’t know why other people can’t.

I’m embarrassed that events were cancelled tonight because of the snow. (Well, that’s in general to my usual embarrassment about Kansas City. You know that whole “evolution is a myth” thing really doesn’t make you proud of where you happen to find yourself.) This isn’t bad weather at all. I can understand cancellations when there are four or five inches of snow on the ground or during ice storms. But this is like cancelling due to rain.

I’ve never quite understood this town when it comes to snow. If I was in Arkansas or Oklahoma (why I haven’t the clue) I could understand people freaking out due to snow. There it would be a once every five or ten year event and the city wouldn’t have the equipment to handle it. But every year KC gets four or five snowstorms with one really good half a foot storm. Nothing unusual about this at all yet from watching the news you would get the impression that people are storing provisions in anticipation of not being able to dig out of their homes. It’s just bizarre.

Remember that I really like snow. It makes driving a pain and I’ve shoveled more driveways in my time than I would like to admit but there is one huge benefit to a nice snowstorm. It makes the world a lot prettier. At this time of year everything is dark and gloomy and I can go an entire day without seeing the sun. Drive to work in the dark, spend the day in a cubicle where I have to walk around a corner to see a window, and then drive home in the dark. Even when the sun is out all you see are leafless trees and brown grass. Snow creates a clean palate for the world.

Oh well, tomorrow I’ll go to work along with everyone in their SUV’s doing their best to insure that global warming causes an end to winter as we know it. Enjoy the snow while it lasts kids.

Songbook: Volume Six

(Last week I had a comment on my blog on an old Songbook posting. I realized that I hadn’t written one for more than a year and I thought that since I’m now posting videos that this might make writing about a song a little easier. Here we go.)

Perfection is a funny thing. We all strive for it, whether we admit it or not. No one wants to screw up, everyone wants to be the star. We want to look the best and be the best at everything that we do. The fact that I come up short drives me up the wall because I can never figure out why can’t I just be perfect.

The thing is people who actually are perfect are amongst the most boring people alive to the point where there perfection ruins themselves. Take a model for instance. She might epitomize beauty, every single pore on her body can be considered magnificent, but you wouldn’t want to date her. Heck, a lot of the time you wouldn’t even consider her to be pretty. Flawless yes, pretty no. For some reason I always use Celine Dion as an example of this. She has a perfect voice that is completely forgettable. There is absolutely nothing there to latch on to.

What I love about Beth Orton (and it’s a long list) is that she is the most wonderfully flawed person I’ve ever seen. Her voice isn’t crystal clear, it has nooks and crannies and odd little corners that you never noticed before. There’s something about the range she sings in and the tone of her voice that just stays with you. Not in a humming the chorus when you leave the car sort of way. More like the song has become a part of your soul.

(I even extend it to her look. Beth has been on my Perfect Mate list for years even though I don’t know if people would consider her to be conventionally pretty. It’s just that even in this video she can throw a glance that makes me want to marry her (except that I think she already is married).)

In the end what I look for in music is not perfection but passion. I don’t need to hear technical mastery. It can bore me in less than an hour. But someone like Beth can sing in a key that only she knows and I am just spellbound by it. Passion doesn’t always mean jumping around on stage, playing full volume or begging the crowd for a reaction. Often it is just putting your heart and soul out there for the world to see even if it is not the image that most people would have originally drawn.

“Stolen Car” is a track from the wonderful and underappreciated disc Central Reservation. It’s another song about relationships as that is what most songs in the world are. Is the meaning important? I’m not sure it is. I just know that every time someone asks me who my favorite artists are Beth Orton always makes the list. Flaws are a wonderful thing.

I still have a copy of the test somewhere...

Ugh, I’ve just had one of those nights where you spend the entire evening taking care of all the work that you didn’t do during the day when they were technically paying you to work. Not that it was intense work, it’s just that I tend to have a few tasks that just take time and that are best done with music in the background. Sadly, my company frowns on my tendency to play Slayer during normal working hours. Something about choruses of “Destruction will occur” not being suitable for the modern workplace I guess.

True work story (since I doubt anyone believes the Slayer bit): There are a few reasons why I’ve been posting videos. One is because I do hope that people enjoy them and maybe find out about a new band. The other is that over the past few months I’ve created my online playlist through these videos (just click on either Wednesday Night Music Club or Best of 120 Minutes on one of those posts and you’ll see what I mean.) So if I get bored with Pandora or my MP3 player I’ll just click on the videos.

What this means is that occasionally I will be at my cubicle with the Rollins Band’s “Liar” playing very loudly in my headphones. And if I’m not careful I might hit the wrong tab and call up the webpage in which a red painted Henry Rollins is simply screaming into the camera. There are many things that are going to keep me from being an executive and the fact that this is the way I prefer to work is high on the list. Still, talk about getting pumped up at the office.

I’ve got another true story to share based off of a news headline I saw today. It probably explains a lot about why I am the way I am. For those of you who missed it, scientists recently found that in a certain logic test chimpanzees were smarter than college students. The experiment involved identifying patterns based on numbers being flashed on a screen. Given that numbers were involved I assumed that the college students scores were normalized for the inclusion of liberal arts majors because otherwise the chimps would have had a definite natural advantage. But, this isn’t the only example of a chimp being smarter than a college student.

Fall semester junior year I took ECE 340: Solid State Electronic Design. This was one of those course every electrical engineer took at Illinois for reasons that escape me. The course gave you the overview on how all electronic devices (transistors, computer chips) were built. Specifically, you dealt with all of the math and physics behind the design and talked about the diffusion of electrons across a 9 micrometer surface. Yeah, this was not exactly the most intuitive material one could study.

Anyway, it’s time for our first exam and I spend the entire weekend studying for it. I feel like I have a great grasp of the material, can answer all of the homework problems and was helping others prior to the test. Plus, how tough could the test be? It was fifteen questions, multiple choice. I mean, by definition a monkey could get a four on the exam.

I got a five.

With an entire weekend of study I could barely beat a chimp. A buddy of mine actually got a three. One guy, who didn’t even know until that morning that we had an exam, got a twelve. I think the class average was eight. That was what it was like being an electrical engineering major at Illinois. You knew by definition that you were one of the brightest people on the campus but that still meant that you were barely smarter than a chimp.

I think the rest of my life has been spent trying to prove to myself two things. One, I am more than an intelligent ape. Two, no matter how bad my life gets it will never be as bad as ECE 340.

Fame (or lack of it)

Ok, I’ve only watched a little bit of Tin Man on the Sci Fi Channel, which is this kind of weird reinterpretation of The Wizard of Oz turning it into steampunk or something like that. But I have to say that whenever I make up my new Perfect Mate list I really should include Zooey Deschannel on the list. Wow, there is something about her that just grabs my attention. She just exudes cool and how can you not like someone named Zooey?

(The series looks really cool so I’ll try to catch it on replays. I probably should have Tivoed it from the start. Given that the writers’ strike isn’t going to end any time soon I should stock up on good television while I can. It’s going to be all reality television all the time very soon.)

I should mention the best news from the weekend, which is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with her boyfriend. This would be that snowboard dude who called off his engagement to date Lindsay, which his fiancée found out about by reading the tabloids. Typically I can say that I’ve been through worse breakups but I think that one trumps mine (though I still claim that one girl broke up with me because I spent a week volunteering in New Orleans.) The buzz online is that this guy was being a jerk and couldn’t handle the paparazzi so that ended it pretty quickly. As a result I move up one more slot on the “Lindsay Lohan’s potential boyfriends” depth chart. I think I’m now officially on the practice squad. Just a few more months and I’ll be in the starting lineup.

Staying on the celebrity gossip front (because nothing else interesting happened today other than my parking garage reopened) I forgot to wish Brit a happy birthday this weekend. She was off celebrating with Paris who, if the picture in The Superficial is correct, seems to have injected her lips with about twenty pounds of bacon fat. I’m sorry but I’ve never gotten that insanely big lips look. It looks like you’re suffering from an intense allergic reaction and desperately need medical treatment. Anyway, you’ve got to hand it to Brit. Everyone thinks your life is a mess, you have no career to speak of, people are actively rooting for Kevin Federline to gain custody of your children and yet you still party on with Paris Hilton. If she was that dedicated to her craft she’d…what was her craft anyway? Is media whore an actual profession nowadays?

(By the way, if you check out The Superficial you can also find a picture of Tara Reid that looks like, well, let me explain. Ever hang out in a dive bar and notice that one older woman who always seems to be at the end of the bar chainsmoking cigarettes? The one who decided to hit a tanning bed twenty years ago and never stopped? The one you dread talking to because she tends to burn you with her cigarettes and still expects you to buy her a drink? Yeah, that’s Tara Reid. I should cut her break as she just got off a flight to Australia but wow, that’s a bad picture.

Oh, and props to Jennifer Love Hewitt for attacking people for attacking her for looking less than perfect in a picture. I know that might seem hypocritical of me but Jennifer does have a career that goes beyond her looks. People like Tara and Paris are now known for nothing other than being famous and no one can remember why they are famous in the first place.)

Last note: Keane’s “Is It Any Wonder?” is making a strong push to make the CD. More like I listened to the song a dozen times today and can’t believe that there aren’t any guitars in it. A very cool band who might make the Wednesday Night Music Club at a minimum.

Mix CDs: Poetry for the new age

Battling the Current Volume 3 is finished! Probably. I think. I’m still playing around with the track list and might try to fit one more song in there but it is effectively complete.

The cover art will most likely be the above picture by Tom Everhart. For those of you who are wondering who this guy is, he is the only artist in the world who is allowed to use Peanuts characters in fine art. I have been a huge fan of his for a number of years as his work is often a wild reimagining of the characters. Thanks to my friends at Jack Gallery in New Orleans I was even able to score an invite to his latest gallery opening in Las Vegas. I missed it (due to attending a Polyphonic Spree concert) but there is something about the fact that my life has advanced to the point where I get invited to art gallery openings that I am incredibly proud of.

Anyway, here is the track listing, order subject to change as I listen to it:
1) Josh Rouse “Laughter”
2) Steve Earle “The Revolution Starts Now”
3) Rilo Kiley “Close Call”
4) Son Volt “Beacon Soul”
5) Paul Burch and the WPA Ballclub “Willpower”
6) Richard Thompson “Oops!...I Did It Again”
7) Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova “When Your Minds Made Up”
8) Jon Dee Graham “Something Wonderful”
9) The Flaming Lips “Do You Realize??”
10) Garrison Starr “5 Minutes”
11) The New Pornographers “Adventures in Solitude”
12) Kathleen Edwards “Somewhere Else”
13) Cowboy Mouth “New Orleans”
14) The Polyphonic Spree “The Championship”

Like I said, I still might make a change here or there but this is my first cut. I continue my tradition of having a Jay Farrar track as well as a song named after a city. My goal on this CD, and really on every one I ever send out, is to make people familiar with bands they might otherwise never listen to. Hopefully people hear these songs and become as big of fans as I am of this music. That’s my goal.

If you want a copy (complete with liner notes) just drop me a line with an address, PO box number, or any other location you would want me to drop off a copy. If you want any of the earlier editions let me know that as well. Someday these things will be collector’s items. Mainly because no one will use CDs anymore.

(The best description of my CDs came from Super Dave who called them “like the soundtrack to a good Cameron Crowe movie. I’ll take that as a compliment. The fact that I go through the effort of making cover art and liner notes for a glorified mix tape that I might send to a dozen friends is a different matter completely. But how else are you going to experience Richard Thompson singing Britney Spears?)

Ok, I’m off to celebrate Illinois making the Rose Bowl. At least that’s what I thought I read. I assume it is a misprint and they’ll be sending us to the Alamo Bowl tomorrow. I mean, we’re Illinois. There is no way in hell we’re going to the freaking Rose Bowl. It’s been 23 years since we’ve been in that game. Going into this season I was going to be thrilled with a 7-5 record. Now we get to play in one of the biggest games. That more than makes up for a horrible Irish season.

Best of 120 Minutes: Per a comment posted tonight, The Lemonheads (ok, Evan Dando and three guys who needed a gig) are playing at the Record Bar next Sunday night. To psyche everyone up, here is the World Premiere of Into Your Arms. Honestly, I’d play the video just to feel nostalgic about MTV’s old World Premiere Video introduction.



The 5 random CDs for the week:
1) Victoria Williams “Musings of a Creekdipper”
2) Rilo Kiley “More Adventurous”
3) Keane “Under the Iron Sea”
4) Gomez “Liquid Skin”
5) Joe Ely “Live at Antone’s”