100 Greatest Songs of the 90's: # 50 - 26

Now on to Part 3 of our countdown. By definition, every song on this list is better than Nelson's "Love and Affection". That's really not saying much. Let's get down to it...

#50: Alice in Chains "Man in the Box": Cool, Tommy Dreamer's entrance music in ECW. I probably shouldn't admit that I know that. There's an interesting case to be made about this song being the bridge between hair metal and grunge. Alice in Chains were the most metal grunge band and this song predates Nirvana. Not sure if that holds true because it is still hard for me to consider them a metal band. Creepy ass video though.

#49: Jewel "Who Will Save Your Soul": Another artist I have somehow avoided buying a CD from. Ok, I have no issue with this song being a hit or Jewel become a celebrity. It's actually a pretty good song. I could have done without her writing the best selling poetry book of all time "A Night Without Armor". And her appearance on Celebrity Bullriding with her husband Ty Murray left much to be desired. There wasn't a single goring during the entire series.

#48: Matchbox 20 "3 AM": My mother always told me that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all.

#47: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch "Good Vibrations": I've said it before and I'll say it again. I would have given all the money in the world for Mark Wahlberg to have won the Oscar last year, raise the statue to the sky and bellow "This is for the Funky Bunch!" For a guy to go from the less talented brother of a member of New Kids on the Block to an award winning actor is quite an accomplishment. Especially when his one hit song was best known for the fact that his underwear was showing.

#46: Shania Twain "You're Still the One": Shania Twain didn't put the cause of country music back twenty years. She put the cause of mammals on the whole back twenty years. A lizard in Arizona heard this song and went "I know I eat flies but at least I don't make this crap." All the credit in the world to Mutt Lange who decided to marry the pretty girl and use every trick he used with Def Leppard in order to make her a star. Dude knows his business. Art less so.

#45: Hootie and the Blowfish "Only Wanna Be With You": Whenever I discuss the inequities in music I always use Hootie as my example. This is because there is absolutely nothing wrong with Hootie. They wrote really nice songs and they played them well and they sounded great. The only thing is I can name a hundred bands from the same time that sold 10,000 times less than Hootie. Is this song 10,000 times better than The Jayhawks "Blue"? No, but that's how it sold. Until you understand that you can never make money in the music business.

#44: The Fugees "Killing Me Softly With His Song": Remember the Simpsons episode where Homer dresses up as a Battlebot in order to win Bart's love and respect? And when the other robot started cutting into his costume while the announcer said "He's killing him softly with his saw"? I know that has nothing to do with this song but I just have to say boy do I miss Battlebots.

#43: En Vogue "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)": Again, occasionally VH1 deserves props for the songs from the early 90's that they remembered. This could have been easily forgotten but it was absolutely everywhere when I was in college. Or at least it was always on TV. I've never been a big fan of girl groups but this is about as good as you can get.

#42: Collective Soul "Shine": It's sad, I'm trying to remember how this song goes and all I keep hearing is the Pat McGee Band song "Shine". I've heard this song a thousand times yet can't remember it to save my life right now. Hence, maybe this ranking is slightly too high. Collective Soul did do a good cover of the theme song to The Bugaloos though. I know how that sounds.

#41: Spin Doctors "Two Princes": True Story. August before my junior year of college I pick up the cassette of "Pocket Full of Kryptonite". I immediately tell my friends that this band is going to be hude because of three songs "Jimmy Olson's Blues", "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" and "Two Princes". In May as we were leaving for the year we were all threatening to pound the tape to pieces with a hammer because every single song had been played to death. Especially Two Princes. People out and out hated the Spin Doctors because of that song as opposed to be one of those new wave hippie bands. They deserved hatred, we just had the wrong justification.

#40: Color Me Badd "I Wanna Sex You Up": We might as well stop this list now. I mean how can you find 39 songs better than Color Me Badd? That's what makes this list so awful. I can accept that this isn't from a music critic's point of view but even from a pop culture point of view this song sucked. People knew it was stupid when it was released. There's no nostalgia about how silly we were. This is just a crappy song.

#39: Goo Goo Dolls "Iris": I appreciate this song for the following reasons. A) it was named for (but has nothing to do with) Iris Dement, B) I have on multiple occasions drank with Iris Dement, C) Iris Dement once introduced me to her step-daughter in a manner that implied that she was trying to set the two of us up, D) the song was for a soundtrack for a movie based on a Wim Wenders film, and E) I went on a date to see the original Wim Wenders film. So really I have no feelings about the song itself but I have great stories about it.

#38: Christina Aguilera "Genie In A Bottle": Family Guy said it best: Christina Aguilera is offensive to all five senses. Including taste. You know how when you walk by something that smells horrible you can kind of taste it? Yeah, that's Christina.

#37: Green Day "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)": This song has surpassed Every Breath You Take as the song most often played in the completely inappropriate context. They don't really want you to have the time of your life. They're basically saying go screw yourself. You probably shouldn't play this for your graduation.

#36: C+C Music Factory "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)": Question? (Funk Dat) Was any member of C+C Music Factory even involved in the making of this song? If I remember right this is the one where they showed the shapely singer instead of who actually sang the song. And can I say that if VH1 is going to list Color Me Badd in the Top 100 couldn't they also list Milli Vanilli. Sure it was fake but so was Color Me Badd. I sure as hell hope that wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

#35: Oasis "Wonderwall": Ah, the next Beatles. Or the next Ruttles take your pick. People give the Gallagher brothers a lot of crap much of it deserved. You'd think that with all of their feuding and bickering that at one point they could have done us all a favor and smashed watermelons over each other's heads. But when they wrote a good song it was a darn good song. Not a change the world type of song but not one that you would turn off. That should count for something.

#34: Third Eye Blind "Semi-Charmed Life": Once again this list gets stranger and stranger. Another one hit wonder and a decent song but not memorable either in terms of talent or pop culture impact. I'm pretty sure that this was a summer song, one of those songs you hear all summer and then promptly forget about. Don't think that's worth this high of ranking.

#33: Spice Girls "Wannabe": We all knew this was coming. Scary (Mel B), Sporty (Mel C), Baby (Emma), Ginger/Sexy (Geri) and Worthless/Posh (Victoria). I didn't even have to look that up. Once again, for as silly and as stupid as the whole phenomenon was (and it was bad on a Hannah Montana/High School Musical level) the songs weren't entirely horrible. You could listen to Wannabe without noticably wincing. You could watch the video and think that these girls are vaguely attractive. Just not worth their own movie. Or video game. Or reunion tour.

#32: Blackstreet "No Diggity": Another song that I've found on the list where I can finally go "Oh so that is who sings it." Now if someone could once and for all clear up my Ween, Tripping Daisy, Flaming Lips, "Push the Little Daisies", King Missle confusion.

#31: Radiohead "Creep": I saw Radiohead in concert once, opening for R.E.M. around when Creep was a hit (that and Fake Plastic Trees). Absolutely no one paid attention to them. They paid even less attention once the lead guitarist blew out all of his amps. As a result I never became a big fan and my reputation has suffered mightily as a result. Of all the songs that could even become partial hits this might be the least likely. Do you sing along with a chorus of "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here"? I mean I do but do normal people?

#30: *NSYNC "Tearin' Up My Heart": Please see entry for Matchbox 20.

#29: Vanilla Ice "Ice Ice Baby": I've mentioned in the past that I was named to prom court. I may also have mentioned that I was not the geekiest guy to be named to prom court that year. That guy danced to Ice Ice Baby. People thought it was cool back then. Much like how we wore an onion on our belt as it was the fashion at the time. Oh, and Rob was totally screwed on The Surreal Life Fame Game. He so should have beaten that chick from Baywatch.

#28: Ricky Martin "Livin' La Vida Loca": This was the big hit when I was kind of out of the pop culture loop. I mean, I knew it was a big song and everything but I don't think that I had ever heard it. I really don't think I missed much. Ricky fell off the map completely, didn't he?

#27: Counting Crows "Mr. Jones": Yep, I own this CD. And I thought it spoke to me in those college angst days. Looking back that makes me feel like more of an idiot than owning a Paula Cole CD. I think the song is still one you could listen to and enjoy and the band is still rather respectable. It's just that this band is the equivalent for me of looking at my hair in old photgraphs. I wonder how I could be so dumb and still succesfully walk across the street.

#26: Eminem "My Name Is": I'll repeat what I said last night: can't people finish their song titles? How the hell am I supposed to know what your name is if you don't tell me? On the scale of "Eminem is a poet of our time" and "Eminem is an idiot" I fall more towards the poet side of the line. Guy was a darn good rapper. He's turned into a hip hop version of Weird Al but with a track like this he was hitting on all cylinders.

Tomorrow, the top 25. Looking at the list I feel safe to say that things can only get worse.