I have some rather distressing news to report. It has definitely set my world all atwitter. Went to a concert at Davey’s tonight and ran into my stalker. And her boyfriend. Yes, my stalker has now gotten a boyfriend. Man, you wouldn’t believe how depressed this makes me feel.
I mean, talk about rejection. For years it’s just been the two of us fighting to be the one directly in front of the stage at every show. Never talking, just silently jockeying for position and her seething glares at me when I inch in front of her and ruin her view because she was a good six inches shorter than me. Her deciding to use the camera flash to momentarily blind me and regain the prime space. I’m not kidding at about half the shows that I’ve attended over the past three years the two of us were always there and always at the front. And now she is hanging out with some dude. Like stalking me isn’t a better option?
Yeah, you can pretty much state that your life has taken a turn for the worse when even your stalker moves on.
What else to talk about… I made the mistake of actually flipping through the channel guide while on VH-1 this evening. I think they are legally required to show an hour of videos at four in the morning but otherwise it is all reality shows, all the time. And even for me, reality junkie that I am, it is a little ridiculous. Mainly because they aren’t even very good shows. I mean, I’m a wrestling fan and I don’t want to watch a show about Hulk Hogan and his kids. At least not unless it involves a cage match. And clip shows of the best celebrity embarrassments just seems to be a little overboard. Plus, I can’t believe that they were able to make only a one hour show out of my beloved Lindsay. You’d think that would be it’s own mini-series.
But the big thing that VH-1 is doing now is showing full seasons of America’s Next Top Model in one day. And in terms of shows that get your attention, it certainly fit’s the bill. Because I stumble across this and end up watching for hours. You certainly can’t fault the premise: pretty nineteen year old girls in skimpy clothing competing for “fame” and “fortune”. Except that none of the girls have actually become a top model. Hell, Adrianne (the winner of season one) is best known for marrying Christopher Knight from The Brady Bunch. Basically, I can’t see top fashion studios deciding the new face for their product line based on a game show.
And that fact makes the show itself very twisted. Because not only is there only one girl who will be the “winner” but half the girls have absolutely no chance of making it. They’re too short, too fat, too thin and in one case in Australia’s Next Top Model, too busty. Yes, the show critiques a girl because she has curves that make every guy drool. On top of that, they have them compete in challenges that are more parodies of a model’s existence than actual tests. It’s as if they are playing dress-up as a model. What makes the show interesting is that every season a few girls are smart enough to see that this is a charade and basically play it off as a lark. Two things happen then a) they get eliminated and b) they actually get signed to real modeling careers (Elyse the pre-med student from Season One who was achingly beautiful, intelligent and funny.) So, the show is basically Tyra Banks screwing with girls’ emotions while we all watch. Welcome to the future of entertainment. We all get our fifteen minutes of fame if you are willing to endure a few hours of humiliation.
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