Does it bother anyone else that the year is already one-twelfth over? Seriously, did I miss the entire month of January? Even though I’ve documented every single thing that I have done during the month I still have no idea what happened. I’m pretty sure that New Year’s was last Monday. It really does bother me that time accelerates as you age. I’m very confident that the summer when I was ten years old lasted approximately three years. And one whole year of that is accounted for by sitting on my couch and watching Sale of the Century.
Things are going much nicer for me tonight so hopefully I won’t be suffering from undue stress. We won at trivia tonight, making two in a row and it could have been three if I hadn’t blown a tiebreaker question a few weeks back. (My weakness for Dorothy Parker, or more accurately, my weakness for Jennifer Jason Leigh portraying Dorothy Parker, came back to haunt me.) I swept a Super Bowl trivia category, even knowing who is calling the coin toss on Sunday. For the record, I will once again be placing money on the coin toss. I figure it’s the safest bet on the board. I mean, tails never fails.
Plus, my Amazon order came in and this will provide me with much enjoyment. This is continuing my effort to cash in all of my loose change for Amazon gift certificates and thus fund my media collection. Picked up a bunch of CDs, to the point where I think I’m losing ground in the random CD project. Filled in some gaps in my Aimee Mann collection and picked up some Rilo Kiley, who were on Austin City Limits over the weekend and Jenny Lewis impressed me to the point that I wanted to pick up a couple of discs. Grabbed a couple of books: one on improving your personal productivity (which should just be titled “Stop being a lazy piece of crap”) and one on crowdsourcing and the wisdom of the masses. Maybe not the first choice of reading materials for most people but it’s a field I’m getting more and more involved in. But the biggest thing is I finally picked up my White Sox World Series DVD collection so I can spend all weekend watching every game in preparation for my next championship celebration.
Switching gears, I would like to make a request of the people of Kansas City. Maybe the Funkster could add this to his campaign pledges, given that he is bombarding me with emails and not once has he promised to reunite Sly and the Family Stone. We had an inch of snow tonight and it pretty much caused the city to stop. Seriously, my commute nearly doubled even though you could actually still see the concrete. I’d just like to make the following suggestions to the people who live here just so an inch of snow doesn’t cause the schools to close. First, it’s not a bad idea to have a scraper in your car and to use it when it snows. An inch of fluffy snow takes upwards of one minute to remove from your car and when you do so it means you can actually see out your windows. Thus, you don’t have to go five miles an hour while going “I can’t see the road.” You don’t know how much this bothers me. Do that and simply pay attention to what is going on around you and everything will be fine. You need a little more stopping distance and a slight bit more patience. Maybe some more intelligence, which admittedly is lacking at times in this town, but I’ll settle for distance and patience.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Some general updates...
Some of the more observant amongst you may have noticed some changes to the blog over the past few days. Basically, Blogger has enforced an upgrade on me, thus resulting in my using the newer, cleaner, more user friendly version of the software as opposed to the archaic version that I enjoyed. The biggest change is that at the end of each post you’ll see labels, which is where I’ll tag each post with what it is about. Theoretically, over time you’d be able to click on the “U2” link and see everything that I’ve ever written about U2. Problem is I have nearly 600 posts, none of which are tagged, and I can’t hire an intern to classify everything for me. I’ll at least go back and tag the live blogs, forgotten television shows, and songbooks. Beyond that, this is more of a go forward effort.
I’ll also have to upgrade my profile, as last time I checked it said that I was 250 years old. Wow, I knew I had been in this town for a while but I didn’t think that it had aged me that much. Maybe that is just in reference to the psychic who said that I had an old soul. Though 250 is probably young from a soul’s point of view.
I’ve also accomplished one of my main goals for the week, which is to complete my 2006 concert discs. This two disc set contains 33 songs by 32 artists, all of whom I saw in concert at some point during 2006 (Aimee Mann gets two songs because she is too awesome for just one.) This was a bit of a tougher mix to build than in previous years. It just seemed like I had a couple of bands that sounded so entirely different from everything else that they couldn’t easily be built into a mix CD. But, after spending most of Saturday night working on this, and some additional tweaks over the next few days, the discs are production ready. As always, if anyone wants a copy, just let me know.
(And yeah, I did spend Saturday night with my laptop and piles of CDs making mix tapes for myself. Every once in a while not going out to the bars sounds like a good idea.)
One last housekeeping issue. With the launch of Windows Vista this means that I’ll finally have the opportunity to go out and get a new laptop. I’ve been wanting to for the past few months and figured if I was going to make a technology upgrade I might as well go for the whole kit and caboodle. My biggest issue is not what type of machine that I’ll get but rather what will I name it. My last two laptops have been called “Helena Mark 4” and “Julie”, my current machine and quite possibly the best computer that I’ve ever had. Right now, the leaders for names are “Julie 2.0” and “Natalie” (after Natalie Portman, who could probably be viewed as a younger and more modern version of Julie Delpy.) “Lindsay” still has a chance though I have a feeling that with that name the machine will be flaky, unreliable, and, to be honest, prone to really nasty viruses.
Stress dream update: I’m going to log these until they stop. Last night I dreamt that in order to escape a criminal charge I built a time machine. A working time machine that I used in my dream to travel back and forth like I was in an episode of Quantum Leap. It was actually one of the coolest dreams that I’ve had in a while. Especially this strange waiting room you end up in while you time travel, which I have to reuse for a story one of these days. Still, I’m hoping for an end to stress dreams and waking up with headaches when I’ve done nothing the night before to deserve them.
I’ll also have to upgrade my profile, as last time I checked it said that I was 250 years old. Wow, I knew I had been in this town for a while but I didn’t think that it had aged me that much. Maybe that is just in reference to the psychic who said that I had an old soul. Though 250 is probably young from a soul’s point of view.
I’ve also accomplished one of my main goals for the week, which is to complete my 2006 concert discs. This two disc set contains 33 songs by 32 artists, all of whom I saw in concert at some point during 2006 (Aimee Mann gets two songs because she is too awesome for just one.) This was a bit of a tougher mix to build than in previous years. It just seemed like I had a couple of bands that sounded so entirely different from everything else that they couldn’t easily be built into a mix CD. But, after spending most of Saturday night working on this, and some additional tweaks over the next few days, the discs are production ready. As always, if anyone wants a copy, just let me know.
(And yeah, I did spend Saturday night with my laptop and piles of CDs making mix tapes for myself. Every once in a while not going out to the bars sounds like a good idea.)
One last housekeeping issue. With the launch of Windows Vista this means that I’ll finally have the opportunity to go out and get a new laptop. I’ve been wanting to for the past few months and figured if I was going to make a technology upgrade I might as well go for the whole kit and caboodle. My biggest issue is not what type of machine that I’ll get but rather what will I name it. My last two laptops have been called “Helena Mark 4” and “Julie”, my current machine and quite possibly the best computer that I’ve ever had. Right now, the leaders for names are “Julie 2.0” and “Natalie” (after Natalie Portman, who could probably be viewed as a younger and more modern version of Julie Delpy.) “Lindsay” still has a chance though I have a feeling that with that name the machine will be flaky, unreliable, and, to be honest, prone to really nasty viruses.
Stress dream update: I’m going to log these until they stop. Last night I dreamt that in order to escape a criminal charge I built a time machine. A working time machine that I used in my dream to travel back and forth like I was in an episode of Quantum Leap. It was actually one of the coolest dreams that I’ve had in a while. Especially this strange waiting room you end up in while you time travel, which I have to reuse for a story one of these days. Still, I’m hoping for an end to stress dreams and waking up with headaches when I’ve done nothing the night before to deserve them.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Our Communion Hymn is "Bullet the Blue Sky"
Stress dream from last night #1: Dreamt that I walked back to my car to find a guy breaking into it and stealing my stereo.
Stress dream from last night #2: Dreamt that I had a calculus test in a few days that I hadn’t studied for and between now and the test I had to fly to England and back to give a presentation.
Not quite sure why the second one stressed me out. I mean, I’d obviously would have a lot of dead time on the plane where my only other option would be to watch unfunny Jim Carrey films (not as if there is any other kind). That would give me plenty of time to study and run problems. Really don’t see much of a challenge there at all. Still, I find it interesting that even though it’s been three and a half years since I’ve been in school and more than a decade since I’ve had a test where I was worried about math problems that when I get stressed out my subconscious immediately sends me back to school.
(This does mark several weeks worth of stress dreams. I really need a vacation. Or sunlight. Either would be beneficial right about now.)
Saw this news article today and felt that it would be interesting to talk about. A church in England has decided to replace its normal hymns with U2 songs. Written like that it sounds like one of those bad Folger’s coffee commercials from the eighties. “We’ve replaced their normal hymns with songs by a sometimes bombastic rock band. Let’s see if the parishioners notice the difference.” Now, ignoring the whole fact that this is just a pretty transparent ploy to try to make church seem hip and interesting while not offering any real source of solace, there are some U2 songs that would really fit in here. Back in the early 80’s U2 was viewed as almost a Christian Rock band except that they had good songs. Gloria is religious in nature and 40 is based on Psalm 40 (and was an awesome set ender back in the day.) Toss in One and Beautiful Day and you’ve got a service.
Of course, I read this and think of what would be the worst possible U2 songs to use in church. “I Threw a Brick Through a Window” is probably not one you would want to use in a place with a lot of stained glass. “Elvis Presley and America” probably wouldn’t work given that I’ve listened to the song for twenty years and still couldn’t tell you what the hell it means. Personally, I would go with “Lemon” as the worst possible song if only because it would require the entire congregation to sing in a bad falsetto. That or anything from Pop, though that would be less religious and more pure torture.
I’ll end on a sad note. I would like to wish a fond farewell to Barbaro: Kentucky Derby winner, Deadspin’s 2006 SportsHuman of the Year, and beloved by women with inordinately large numbers of cats everywhere. I have never seen so much emotional attachment to a horse before. The Barbaro message board, which featured people writing get well messages to a horse that, unless I missed something, did not know how to read, is a sociology paper just waiting to be written. Still, he was a darn good racehorse. See you on the other side.
Stress dream from last night #2: Dreamt that I had a calculus test in a few days that I hadn’t studied for and between now and the test I had to fly to England and back to give a presentation.
Not quite sure why the second one stressed me out. I mean, I’d obviously would have a lot of dead time on the plane where my only other option would be to watch unfunny Jim Carrey films (not as if there is any other kind). That would give me plenty of time to study and run problems. Really don’t see much of a challenge there at all. Still, I find it interesting that even though it’s been three and a half years since I’ve been in school and more than a decade since I’ve had a test where I was worried about math problems that when I get stressed out my subconscious immediately sends me back to school.
(This does mark several weeks worth of stress dreams. I really need a vacation. Or sunlight. Either would be beneficial right about now.)
Saw this news article today and felt that it would be interesting to talk about. A church in England has decided to replace its normal hymns with U2 songs. Written like that it sounds like one of those bad Folger’s coffee commercials from the eighties. “We’ve replaced their normal hymns with songs by a sometimes bombastic rock band. Let’s see if the parishioners notice the difference.” Now, ignoring the whole fact that this is just a pretty transparent ploy to try to make church seem hip and interesting while not offering any real source of solace, there are some U2 songs that would really fit in here. Back in the early 80’s U2 was viewed as almost a Christian Rock band except that they had good songs. Gloria is religious in nature and 40 is based on Psalm 40 (and was an awesome set ender back in the day.) Toss in One and Beautiful Day and you’ve got a service.
Of course, I read this and think of what would be the worst possible U2 songs to use in church. “I Threw a Brick Through a Window” is probably not one you would want to use in a place with a lot of stained glass. “Elvis Presley and America” probably wouldn’t work given that I’ve listened to the song for twenty years and still couldn’t tell you what the hell it means. Personally, I would go with “Lemon” as the worst possible song if only because it would require the entire congregation to sing in a bad falsetto. That or anything from Pop, though that would be less religious and more pure torture.
I’ll end on a sad note. I would like to wish a fond farewell to Barbaro: Kentucky Derby winner, Deadspin’s 2006 SportsHuman of the Year, and beloved by women with inordinately large numbers of cats everywhere. I have never seen so much emotional attachment to a horse before. The Barbaro message board, which featured people writing get well messages to a horse that, unless I missed something, did not know how to read, is a sociology paper just waiting to be written. Still, he was a darn good racehorse. See you on the other side.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Today Kansas City, Tommorrow the World
There was a bit of serendipity going on Friday afternoon. I received the blog comment on Po’ Girl within an hour of my discovering the connection with The Be Good Tanyas on Wikipedia. Wiki is rather amazing as it has an entire section on alternative country bands and, well, sometimes I have a lot of free time. This does at least partially explain how the hell I ended up with this CD but doesn’t help in figuring out why I like one band and not the other when they are effectively the same band. My guess is that it is due to the strange rap sections that appear in Po’ Girl songs. 10 out of 10 for originality, minus several thousand for execution.
I had another email on Friday that will go down as the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me as a result of the blog. I received an email from the Funkhouser for Mayor campaign containing a press release about how the internet has gotten behind his campaign with the first words being “We Want the Funk.” This means a couple of things. 1) Political campaigns are reading my blog. 2) They are then using my ideas in their press releases. 3) My late night ramblings may impact the political scene in a somewhat major US city. Yes, I will now appoint myself Kingmaker in this Midwestern metropolis.
(I’m not making any of this up. I was singled out as a blogger despite the fact that I a) admitted that all I know about local politics comes from yard signs and b) my main insight into his candidacy is that he has a funny name.)
So, since I am apparently an unpaid consultant for the Funkhouser for Mayor campaign I figured that I might as well build his political platform. Here is my agenda for what I want to see during the Funk era in Kansas City.
Item One: Immediate rechristening of the Sprint Center as “The Mothership”.
Item Two: Forget a light rail initiative, we will have a “Grand Funk Rail” initiative.
Item Three: All residents will be encouraged to check themselves on a regular basis in order to prevent recurring instances of wrecking themselves.
Item Four: A combination education and health initiative focusing on freeing one’s mind as the ass will then follow.
Item Five: Slugger will be replaced as Royals mascot by that dude in Parliament Funkadelic who plays guitar while wearing a diaper.
Basically, this is just the starting point in brining the focus in this town away from political platforms and back where it belongs, on very impractical platform shoes. People of Kansas City! Rise up and let your voices be heard. Let us create One Nation Under Funk!
(While I’m in no way associated with the following website or campaign, I should give them props. http://Funkhouserformayor.blogspot.com The fact that he is an auditor and looks, well, kind of like Rasputin, just makes this more interesting.)
Not saying that this town doesn’t need help politically or in any aspect of PR. This is based on the fact that I spent part of the day watching Kansas City SWAT on A&E. See, we can’t be like Muncie, Indiana and have Erik Estrada acting like a cop and being followed by a camera crew. That would be slightly cool. Hell, who wouldn’t want to be arrested by Ponch. Instead, we get a very intense view of hostage standoffs and drug raids. The sort of things where when you watch and say, “Hey, my house is on TV!” you realize that it might not be a good thing.
The five random CDs for the week
1) Jay Bennett & Edward Burch “The Palace at 4am (Part 1)”
2) Golden Smog “Down By the Old Mainstream”
3) Mike Plume Band “Fools for the Radio”
4) The Two Dollar Pistols with Tift Merritt “The Two Dollar Pistols with Tift Merritt”
5) U2 “The Eye of the Fly” (U2 live in Detroit and Madison 9/92)
I had another email on Friday that will go down as the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me as a result of the blog. I received an email from the Funkhouser for Mayor campaign containing a press release about how the internet has gotten behind his campaign with the first words being “We Want the Funk.” This means a couple of things. 1) Political campaigns are reading my blog. 2) They are then using my ideas in their press releases. 3) My late night ramblings may impact the political scene in a somewhat major US city. Yes, I will now appoint myself Kingmaker in this Midwestern metropolis.
(I’m not making any of this up. I was singled out as a blogger despite the fact that I a) admitted that all I know about local politics comes from yard signs and b) my main insight into his candidacy is that he has a funny name.)
So, since I am apparently an unpaid consultant for the Funkhouser for Mayor campaign I figured that I might as well build his political platform. Here is my agenda for what I want to see during the Funk era in Kansas City.
Item One: Immediate rechristening of the Sprint Center as “The Mothership”.
Item Two: Forget a light rail initiative, we will have a “Grand Funk Rail” initiative.
Item Three: All residents will be encouraged to check themselves on a regular basis in order to prevent recurring instances of wrecking themselves.
Item Four: A combination education and health initiative focusing on freeing one’s mind as the ass will then follow.
Item Five: Slugger will be replaced as Royals mascot by that dude in Parliament Funkadelic who plays guitar while wearing a diaper.
Basically, this is just the starting point in brining the focus in this town away from political platforms and back where it belongs, on very impractical platform shoes. People of Kansas City! Rise up and let your voices be heard. Let us create One Nation Under Funk!
(While I’m in no way associated with the following website or campaign, I should give them props. http://Funkhouserformayor.blogspot.com The fact that he is an auditor and looks, well, kind of like Rasputin, just makes this more interesting.)
Not saying that this town doesn’t need help politically or in any aspect of PR. This is based on the fact that I spent part of the day watching Kansas City SWAT on A&E. See, we can’t be like Muncie, Indiana and have Erik Estrada acting like a cop and being followed by a camera crew. That would be slightly cool. Hell, who wouldn’t want to be arrested by Ponch. Instead, we get a very intense view of hostage standoffs and drug raids. The sort of things where when you watch and say, “Hey, my house is on TV!” you realize that it might not be a good thing.
The five random CDs for the week
1) Jay Bennett & Edward Burch “The Palace at 4am (Part 1)”
2) Golden Smog “Down By the Old Mainstream”
3) Mike Plume Band “Fools for the Radio”
4) The Two Dollar Pistols with Tift Merritt “The Two Dollar Pistols with Tift Merritt”
5) U2 “The Eye of the Fly” (U2 live in Detroit and Madison 9/92)
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Much on my mind
This has been a rather long week for me for a simple but still important reason. Looking back at the calendar this is the first time in over six weeks that I’ve actually had to be in the office every day of the week. My streak of taking at least one day off a week started well before Christmas and between holidays and some traveling it continued through this week. While this was a lot of fun it means that getting back to a full work week is just a total pain in the ass. I could function very happily with a four day work week, though I doubt that they’d pay me the same.
And sadly, I’m kind of thinking that I need to take another vacation as I’ve been having recurring stress dreams the past few nights. I should probably explain this. One of the cool things that I’ve discovered about myself is that I have very vivid dreams and they are typically very indicative of my mental state. When I’m happy this means really cool dreams where I get to fly around and be all different types of awesome. But when I’m stressed I dream of having papers due, needing to take a final in a class I never attended or I have one like I did last night, which basically consisted of me having one long nervous breakdown because someone moved my bed to another room.
(Look, I didn’t say that my subconscious makes any sense. I just said that it indicates things.)
Without going into too much detail let’s just say that my life has been very tense recently. I have a lot of really big decisions to make very quickly and they are all occurring at a time of the year where I am never in a good state mentally. (Just a warning, you don’t want to deal with me in February. If you think I’m bitter to start with I get a lot worse when I haven’t seen the sun for two months.) Not quite sure how I’m going to handle all of this or how I will proceed. I just know that I have a two page list of things to do this weekend and other than “Write To Do List” none of them are easy to accomplish.
On the plus side, I get to do all of this while listening to the new Shins disc, which on first listen sounds very interesting. It’s probably going to be a huge seller and all the critics are already talking about how awesome it is so you have roughly five minutes to jump on the bandwagon. It is an evolutionary step for the band and given the pressure that they were under after Garden State it looks like they are one of the few bands who might live up to their promise. I’m going to see them in concert in a few weeks and it will be interesting to see how they play the new material as well as what the crowd is like. Last time I saw them it was with a bunch of high school kids because they had just been on the O.C.
That said, there is a very good chance I’ll end up lying on my couch and watching Pump Up the Volume again. And then jumping on Amazon to buy Heathers. Screw a novel, I should just write a career retrospective on Christian Slater. I could do a whole chapter on Gleaming the Cube, including a few pages on just what the hell the title means. And Chapter 7: “Can you build an entire career on a Jack Nicholson impression?”
And sadly, I’m kind of thinking that I need to take another vacation as I’ve been having recurring stress dreams the past few nights. I should probably explain this. One of the cool things that I’ve discovered about myself is that I have very vivid dreams and they are typically very indicative of my mental state. When I’m happy this means really cool dreams where I get to fly around and be all different types of awesome. But when I’m stressed I dream of having papers due, needing to take a final in a class I never attended or I have one like I did last night, which basically consisted of me having one long nervous breakdown because someone moved my bed to another room.
(Look, I didn’t say that my subconscious makes any sense. I just said that it indicates things.)
Without going into too much detail let’s just say that my life has been very tense recently. I have a lot of really big decisions to make very quickly and they are all occurring at a time of the year where I am never in a good state mentally. (Just a warning, you don’t want to deal with me in February. If you think I’m bitter to start with I get a lot worse when I haven’t seen the sun for two months.) Not quite sure how I’m going to handle all of this or how I will proceed. I just know that I have a two page list of things to do this weekend and other than “Write To Do List” none of them are easy to accomplish.
On the plus side, I get to do all of this while listening to the new Shins disc, which on first listen sounds very interesting. It’s probably going to be a huge seller and all the critics are already talking about how awesome it is so you have roughly five minutes to jump on the bandwagon. It is an evolutionary step for the band and given the pressure that they were under after Garden State it looks like they are one of the few bands who might live up to their promise. I’m going to see them in concert in a few weeks and it will be interesting to see how they play the new material as well as what the crowd is like. Last time I saw them it was with a bunch of high school kids because they had just been on the O.C.
That said, there is a very good chance I’ll end up lying on my couch and watching Pump Up the Volume again. And then jumping on Amazon to buy Heathers. Screw a novel, I should just write a career retrospective on Christian Slater. I could do a whole chapter on Gleaming the Cube, including a few pages on just what the hell the title means. And Chapter 7: “Can you build an entire career on a Jack Nicholson impression?”
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Still a kid on a couch...
I’ve had an interesting experience today. Thanks to the random number generator I listened to Po’ Girl’s album “Vagabond Lullaby.” Obviously, no one reading this has ever heard this album because on reflection, I don’t think I ever had. For the life of me, I cannot remember buying this disc. I listened to every song and there wasn’t a single one that sounded in any way familiar. This concerns me because it makes me think that my CD collection is expanding on its own. Like it’s gotten so large that it attracts discs through the sheer force of gravity. Why it chose a disc featuring three female singers and a vaguely bluegrass fiddle is beyond me.
(All I can think of is that I bought this disc thinking it was like The Be Good Tanyas, a band that I like. This one, not so much.)
My other interesting experience from today is based on my train of thought while driving to work this morning. For some reason I was thinking about Mystery Science Theater 3000 and how awesome it was watching that show right after I graduated from college. See, after graduation I had a month and a half off before my job started. That left me living at my parents (since I had absolutely no money) and I spent many a late night sitting around watching MST3K. And around this time I was talking with my brother-in-law and he said that at some point in my life I won’t be able to stay up late watching 120 Minutes. And he’s right. Now, I stay up late watching Pants Off Dance Off. Because those bastards cancelled 120 Minutes.
This conversation took place nearly twelve years ago and yet here I am, still staying up late, still watching incredibly odd cable shows. I’m not sure if I should be proud of this fact or disturbed. A part of me wouldn’t mind growing up and being an actual adult and another part of me says that I’m an adult enough of the day, I need at least some time to myself. That’s the really strange thing. I’ve had this incredibly successful life while at the same time basically being the pop culture slacker I’ve always been. I’m the type of guy who talks to executives the morning after attending a New Pornographers concert. It’s rather amazing.
I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this up. As most people reading this know, I believe that at some point in my life falling in love and getting married would be a good thing. I’m guessing that at that point I’ll be encouraged to, you know, get a life and stop spending every single moment in front of a television set. Though to be honest, I assume that is all married couples do. Like if I get married I’ll suddenly become very interested in what is happening on Grey’s Anatomy. I’d like to avoid that at all possible.
Not sure if I have a point to all of this other than at times I really feel like part of me is nineteen and part of me is forty-five. And I’m not quite sure which side is winning. Eventually I’ll start acting my age, just as soon as I figure out what that will entail.
(All I can think of is that I bought this disc thinking it was like The Be Good Tanyas, a band that I like. This one, not so much.)
My other interesting experience from today is based on my train of thought while driving to work this morning. For some reason I was thinking about Mystery Science Theater 3000 and how awesome it was watching that show right after I graduated from college. See, after graduation I had a month and a half off before my job started. That left me living at my parents (since I had absolutely no money) and I spent many a late night sitting around watching MST3K. And around this time I was talking with my brother-in-law and he said that at some point in my life I won’t be able to stay up late watching 120 Minutes. And he’s right. Now, I stay up late watching Pants Off Dance Off. Because those bastards cancelled 120 Minutes.
This conversation took place nearly twelve years ago and yet here I am, still staying up late, still watching incredibly odd cable shows. I’m not sure if I should be proud of this fact or disturbed. A part of me wouldn’t mind growing up and being an actual adult and another part of me says that I’m an adult enough of the day, I need at least some time to myself. That’s the really strange thing. I’ve had this incredibly successful life while at the same time basically being the pop culture slacker I’ve always been. I’m the type of guy who talks to executives the morning after attending a New Pornographers concert. It’s rather amazing.
I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this up. As most people reading this know, I believe that at some point in my life falling in love and getting married would be a good thing. I’m guessing that at that point I’ll be encouraged to, you know, get a life and stop spending every single moment in front of a television set. Though to be honest, I assume that is all married couples do. Like if I get married I’ll suddenly become very interested in what is happening on Grey’s Anatomy. I’d like to avoid that at all possible.
Not sure if I have a point to all of this other than at times I really feel like part of me is nineteen and part of me is forty-five. And I’m not quite sure which side is winning. Eventually I’ll start acting my age, just as soon as I figure out what that will entail.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Global....damn
You know, I thought about live blogging the State of the Union address tonight but I tend to throw more things at the television set during that than I do during the Bears game. Anyway, some thoughts on a number of topics.
Topic # 1: For a moment there I thought that we were about to witness a historic moment during the president’s speech. I really thought that he was actually going to say the words “global warming.” Instead, we at least got him to say “global climate change.” Hey, we’ll take it one small step at a time. Though at this pace we’ll accept that global warming exists roughly when we cancel the Winter Olympics because there is no longer any snow.
Topic # 2: I was just glancing at the screen during the democrat’s response by the new senator from Virginia and something caught my eye. He had the state flag of Virginia behind him and you could just make out the state motto of “Sic Semper Tyranus” or for those of you who don’t speak state mottoes “ Thus Always to Tyrants.” This also happens to be what John Wilkes Booth shouted when he shot Lincoln. It says something about our country that we feel this is perfectly fine to have emblazoned on our flag.
Topic # 3: So the Oscar nominations were released today and given that I haven’t seen many movies this year I can’t really comment on many of them. However, I am concerned by the Eddie Murphy versus Mark Wahlberg competition for Best Supporting Actor. Mainly, I don’t know if I can live in a world where The Nutty Professor is an Oscar winner. I’m actually pulling for Marky Mark in this one, if just for the outside chance that his victory speech will include the phrase “And I’d like to thank The Funky Bunch.” Well, at least Penelope Cruz got nominated so I’ll have something to look at during the ceremony. Ok, leer at.
Topic # 4: I don’t have the exact address of the place that Brad and Angelina have purchased in the French Quarter but I have it on pretty good authority that it is near the French Market, possibly on Decatur. I consider this to be very good news in that during one news report the house they showed looked dangerously similar to the place that I want to buy down there and sadly, was in the right price range. It’s tough having a dream home that you need to win the lottery to afford. To win the lottery and then outbid Brad Pitt is asking too much of one man.
Topic # 5: I’d like to thank the Cook County court system for allowing Tank Johnson to travel to the Super Bowl in two weeks. Sure, he may have violated the terms of his probation but that doesn’t mean he can’t play defensive tackle in the biggest game in twenty years. This decision was in doubt for a moment but remember, this is Cook County we are talking about here. You got to give it up for any courthouse that has the motto “Reasonable doubt for a reasonable price.”
Topic # 1: For a moment there I thought that we were about to witness a historic moment during the president’s speech. I really thought that he was actually going to say the words “global warming.” Instead, we at least got him to say “global climate change.” Hey, we’ll take it one small step at a time. Though at this pace we’ll accept that global warming exists roughly when we cancel the Winter Olympics because there is no longer any snow.
Topic # 2: I was just glancing at the screen during the democrat’s response by the new senator from Virginia and something caught my eye. He had the state flag of Virginia behind him and you could just make out the state motto of “Sic Semper Tyranus” or for those of you who don’t speak state mottoes “ Thus Always to Tyrants.” This also happens to be what John Wilkes Booth shouted when he shot Lincoln. It says something about our country that we feel this is perfectly fine to have emblazoned on our flag.
Topic # 3: So the Oscar nominations were released today and given that I haven’t seen many movies this year I can’t really comment on many of them. However, I am concerned by the Eddie Murphy versus Mark Wahlberg competition for Best Supporting Actor. Mainly, I don’t know if I can live in a world where The Nutty Professor is an Oscar winner. I’m actually pulling for Marky Mark in this one, if just for the outside chance that his victory speech will include the phrase “And I’d like to thank The Funky Bunch.” Well, at least Penelope Cruz got nominated so I’ll have something to look at during the ceremony. Ok, leer at.
Topic # 4: I don’t have the exact address of the place that Brad and Angelina have purchased in the French Quarter but I have it on pretty good authority that it is near the French Market, possibly on Decatur. I consider this to be very good news in that during one news report the house they showed looked dangerously similar to the place that I want to buy down there and sadly, was in the right price range. It’s tough having a dream home that you need to win the lottery to afford. To win the lottery and then outbid Brad Pitt is asking too much of one man.
Topic # 5: I’d like to thank the Cook County court system for allowing Tank Johnson to travel to the Super Bowl in two weeks. Sure, he may have violated the terms of his probation but that doesn’t mean he can’t play defensive tackle in the biggest game in twenty years. This decision was in doubt for a moment but remember, this is Cook County we are talking about here. You got to give it up for any courthouse that has the motto “Reasonable doubt for a reasonable price.”
Monday, January 22, 2007
1992: Bad taste abounds...
During the second quarter of the Pats-Colts game (during which I pretty much figured the game was over) I switched over to VH-1 Classic to check out the show Class of 92. The idea behind the show is that take a year and play a whole bunch of videos from that year. Pretty simple and 1992 is a great year to do. But in watching it for a bit I have two things to say.
First of all, will please get it through their heads that Smells Like Teen Spirit was released in 1991 and not 1992. I swear, every time people talk about Nirvana they mention the wrong year. Nevermind was released in 91 and I clearly remember watching this video a billion times during the first semester of my freshman year. How am I supposed to take a show seriously when they can’t even get the year right?
Secondly, they showed pretty much the full version of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” and I have to say with fifteen years of perspective this might be the most unintentionally funny video ever created. Here’s the story line. We start with Maccauley Culkin rocking out in his bedroom until his dad (good old Norm (also known as George Wendt)) tells him to turn the racket down. Culkin responds by rolling the largest speakers ever into the living room, menacingly (or at least as menacing as he could) puts on a glove, and plays a power chord sending Norm’s recliner rocketing through the ceiling of the house.
And that just takes us to the beginning of the song.
So Norm’s recliner lands somewhere with a lot of natives as Michael joins us for what can only be described as “Michael Jackson dances badly with people from around the world.” Here’s Michael with indigenous people. Now he’s with a bunch of cowboys and Indians. Oh look, he’s segued into a Bollywood production. Hey even made his way to Russia to dance with all of those guys with the funny hats. And that leads us to the Maccauley Culkin rap interlude.
Remember this? Where Culkin and a whole bunch of kids stand on stairs and try to look street and badly lip synch to a rap. You can tell that they were directed to look tough but instead it looks like a few of the kids from Sesame Street started to wear Raiders jackets. And given all that we know about Michael now this scene looks even weirder.
Get a little more dancing by Michael, this time on the Statue of Liberty leading us to the grand finale. The faces morphing scene. Which features Tyra Banks, of all people. The bizarreness ends there (except in the extended version where Michael dances on a car and breaks windows.) Trust me, having not seen this for a decade at least I am stunned to find that at any point of time people went, “Wow, this is so cool.”
Speaking of cool, I have to share one Celebrity Big Brother story. A few of you may have heard about this. Celebrity Big Brother is airing in England and there is this huge controversy about racist comments made towards this Bollywood star who is competing. This is major news in England and the prime minister even had to make a comment as it is raising a lot of questions about what type of country has England become. I’m not going to get into that here. Instead, I’m going to focus on what I figure is the much better story.
One of the people on the show is Dirk Benedict, one of my childhood heroes. Why was he a hero of mine? Who else was on Battlestar Galactica (as the cool Starbuck) and the A-Team (as the even cooler Face)? His entrance to Big Brother has to go down as the best thing ever to happen on television. He pulls up to the house in the A-Team van, theme music playing in the background, and steps into the house. He walks in and one of the fellow competitors greets him with the following, “Hey, you’re Dirk fucking Benedict.” His reply?
“I seldom use my middle name.”
Dirk Benedict: too awesome for words.
First of all, will please get it through their heads that Smells Like Teen Spirit was released in 1991 and not 1992. I swear, every time people talk about Nirvana they mention the wrong year. Nevermind was released in 91 and I clearly remember watching this video a billion times during the first semester of my freshman year. How am I supposed to take a show seriously when they can’t even get the year right?
Secondly, they showed pretty much the full version of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” and I have to say with fifteen years of perspective this might be the most unintentionally funny video ever created. Here’s the story line. We start with Maccauley Culkin rocking out in his bedroom until his dad (good old Norm (also known as George Wendt)) tells him to turn the racket down. Culkin responds by rolling the largest speakers ever into the living room, menacingly (or at least as menacing as he could) puts on a glove, and plays a power chord sending Norm’s recliner rocketing through the ceiling of the house.
And that just takes us to the beginning of the song.
So Norm’s recliner lands somewhere with a lot of natives as Michael joins us for what can only be described as “Michael Jackson dances badly with people from around the world.” Here’s Michael with indigenous people. Now he’s with a bunch of cowboys and Indians. Oh look, he’s segued into a Bollywood production. Hey even made his way to Russia to dance with all of those guys with the funny hats. And that leads us to the Maccauley Culkin rap interlude.
Remember this? Where Culkin and a whole bunch of kids stand on stairs and try to look street and badly lip synch to a rap. You can tell that they were directed to look tough but instead it looks like a few of the kids from Sesame Street started to wear Raiders jackets. And given all that we know about Michael now this scene looks even weirder.
Get a little more dancing by Michael, this time on the Statue of Liberty leading us to the grand finale. The faces morphing scene. Which features Tyra Banks, of all people. The bizarreness ends there (except in the extended version where Michael dances on a car and breaks windows.) Trust me, having not seen this for a decade at least I am stunned to find that at any point of time people went, “Wow, this is so cool.”
Speaking of cool, I have to share one Celebrity Big Brother story. A few of you may have heard about this. Celebrity Big Brother is airing in England and there is this huge controversy about racist comments made towards this Bollywood star who is competing. This is major news in England and the prime minister even had to make a comment as it is raising a lot of questions about what type of country has England become. I’m not going to get into that here. Instead, I’m going to focus on what I figure is the much better story.
One of the people on the show is Dirk Benedict, one of my childhood heroes. Why was he a hero of mine? Who else was on Battlestar Galactica (as the cool Starbuck) and the A-Team (as the even cooler Face)? His entrance to Big Brother has to go down as the best thing ever to happen on television. He pulls up to the house in the A-Team van, theme music playing in the background, and steps into the house. He walks in and one of the fellow competitors greets him with the following, “Hey, you’re Dirk fucking Benedict.” His reply?
“I seldom use my middle name.”
Dirk Benedict: too awesome for words.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
NFC Championship Review
1:43 P.M.: And coming to you live from the Battling the Current Sports Compound, it’s time for the NFC championship between my beloved Chicago Bears and the hated New Orleans Saints. Yep, I’m booing the Saints. I’m probably going to hell for this.
1:44 P.M.: And yes, I am alone watching this game. That’s mainly because people can’t stand being next to a Bears fan who will be screaming at the television during the coin toss.
1:45 P.M.: Well, technically I’m not alone. I’m just not sure how to classify the life size cardboard cutout of Mike Ditka that is joining me for today’s game. When some people have problems they consult family or friends. Me, I ask Coach Ditka for advice. What’s that Coach Ditka? I agree, a bratwurst sounds good for a pre-game snack.
1:50 P.M.: For those wondering, this is another attempt at live blogging. I’ll watch the game and make my comments and since I have a strong emotional investment in this game (with both teams) it might get a little heated.
1:52 P.M.: Advice to that American Idol loser singing the national anthem: shave the neck beard. You look like a hobbit.
2:04 P.M.: This is basically all I can hope for in a Bears playoff game. It’s cold, there’s snow on the ground and the wind is howling. Now all we need is a huge amount of fog and we’ll be ready to game. It’s still weird watching the Bears play in the spaceship version of Soldier Field. I haven’t seen a game in the new stadium and I bet it is a much better fan experience but architecturally speaking, they took something that looked classic and turned it into a bit of a high-tech mess that doesn’t match anything else on the lakefront.
2:10 P.M.: Bears defense holds after a long pass play. Actually, that was just a damn good catch by Henderson. Punt went into the end zone, which at times makes me happy in that Hester isn’t returning it. He’ll either score a touchdown or fumble. And sometimes both on the same play.
2:14 P.M.: I find it very hard to face the fact that essentially my entire worth as a person right now is riding on the arm of a guy named Rex. It’s just not the type of name you want in a quarterback. A depression era gumshoe detective, yes, quarterback, no. That said, Drew is arguably a girl’s name and what the hell is Peyton anyway? Tom, now there’s a fine name.
2:20 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, fall on the ball. Awesome hit on Brees to cause the fumble but we could have receovered for better field position. Still, Hester had a nice little return.
2:32 P.M.: And this time we get the fumble. If the Bears are going to win the game it’s going to be a result of the defense making plays like that and being essentially a second offensive unit.
2:37 P.M.: You know, the Burger King sacking Matt Hasslebeck is not that impressive. I’m pretty sure that I can. Or hell, his sister-in-law Elizabeth from The View could probably take him down. Bears go for it on fourth down and make it through with the “fake calling a timeout and running up the middle” play.
2:39 P.M.: Damnit Rex, throw the ball lower. Third and goal from the one… and Grossman throws an incomplete. And this time we take the field goal and the Bears have a 3-0 lead.
2:43 P.M.: They’re going to overturn the fumble on the kickoff return on replay. Which is probably good for my friends from New Orleans who are throwing things at their television sets right now.
2:45 P.M.: Wow, that call stood? I’m sorry but the guy’s knee was down before the ball came loose. Now it’s time for the Bears to take advantage of this and build up a bit of a lead.
2:47 P.M.: I haven’t seen this commercial during the game today but I just have to write about it. Orville Reddenbacher has a new commercial out that features Orville out and about and wearing an iPod. Which is interesting since Orville Reddenbacher has been dead for a decade now. You can do an awful lot with animation and computer graphics but in this commercial Orville looks, well, like a ten year old corpse brought to life. He looks like a zombie pitchman, telling you about the benefits of popcorn before breaking down and yelling “Brains!” and reeking havoc on the set. Heck, we could make a whole set of commercials featuring zombies. Let’s call up The It’s Time to Make the Donuts guy, Mr. Whipple, and Charlie the Tuna.
2:51 P.M.: Another field goal for the Bears. 6-0 lead though I would like to see a touchdown, or a first down, at some point in the game.
2:58 P.M.: Ok, I have to admit the FedEx commercial was pretty cool. I’d like to work in an office where “Folding under pressure”, “Not living up to your resume” and “constantly waffling” were job titles. Just need to add the “guy who takes naps during meetings” and I’m there.
3:01 P.M.: Cedric Benson is finally showing why we used a first round draft pick on the guy. He’s a north-south runner that is just made for this type of weather. Bears are knocking on the end zone once again. But we can’t get anything to happen so it’s another Robbie Gould field goal to make it a 9-0 game. Yep, lots of excitement out here on the lakefront.
3:06 P.M.: Dude, I so can’t believe that Kumar is a terrorist on 24. All this time I just thought that he wanted to go to White Castle…
3:12 P.M.: You know, I always enjoy the crowd shots at Bears games. It’s not just that everyone in the crowd is wearing a jersey, just in case they need to be called on to play at any given moment. It’s the fact that half the jerseys are for players that haven’t played in decades. You’ll always see Payton and Singletary and McMahon jerseys, along with some classic Butkus and Sayers throwbacks. To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if they showed someone in a Tom Waddle jersey in the second half.
3:16 P.M.: Bears are just running downhill right now. With two big running backs and a beat up field, this might be a way to take control of the game. Oh and can someone tell me what the deal is with the football playing robot that Fox feels it needs to bring out at any given moment? Are they just prepping us for the future where we will no longer have to deal with pesky humans playing football? Which, if I remember correctly, was a plot point in an episode of The Jetsons.
3:21 P.M.: Touchdown Thomas Jones! Now that’s what I wanted to see! Gives us a nice 16-0 lead without having to throw the ball. Not that it is the best way to run an offense but at this point, I’ll take what I can get.
3:30 P.M.: And the Saints take the ball and run the two minute offense to perfection to make it a 16-7 game. I was expecting to give up a field goal as a result of the damn prevent defense, not a touchdown. Game just got a little closer than I like.
3:41 P.M.: For a pre-taped report, Brian Balldinger may have done the absolute worst job I have ever seen done by a sideline reporter. How the hell can you have a half dozen flubs in a pre-taped report? Can’t you at least go, “Can we shoot this again so I don’t say “uh” a half-dozen times and look like a complete dumbass.”
3:56 P.M.: Man I hate Reggie Bush. He goes ninety yards untouched to make it a 16-14 game. It was a great play, though. He just snuck in behind the defense and there wasn’t a chance in the world to stop him. This is going to be an interesting game.
3:57 P.M.: Story from yesterday that I feel like sharing. While running errands I ended up at Best Buy and was able to pick up “Pump Up the Volume” on DVD for four bucks. It’s really tough to pass up an offer like that, if only because it helps me to fill out my ultimate Gen X movie collection. Watching the film last night it strikes me as seemingly brilliant and full of plot holes at the same time. As a kid I just was thrilled by the cynicism and didn’t bother to ask why there were only five teachers in the entire school. Or why the girl takes her shirt off in the one scene. Not complaining, but it was like, “Well, it’s a teen comedy. Throw in a handful of boobs.”
4:01 P.M.: Rex Grossman is killing me right now. He seems to complete a pass about every other drive. Saints have the ball back and a chance to drive and take the lead.
4:11 P.M.: After a couple of scary moments (can we please stop someone on third down?) the Saints miss a field goal. Now it’s time for the Bears offense to…to…I’m going to go out on a limb and say “run the ball up the middle.”
4:12 P.M.: Oh, and what other errands did I run this weekend? Picked up a new shower curtain, a mop, and a whiteboard for my home office. I swear, my life is one half youthful indiscretion and one half middle aged doldrums. It’s nice having a whiteboard at home, don’t even have one of those at work. Not quite sure why I picked it up but I assume that it will come in handy at some point.
4:18 P.M.: And score two points for the defense! Personally, I like the fact that the Bears got that call by having several large men surround the referee to complain until he throws the flag. Like I said earlier, this is a game where we will need the defense to score some points. Right now, I’d be happy for a field goal on this drive just so we’ll be back to a touchdown lead.
4:22 P.M.: Or a first down. A first down would be nice.
4:29 P.M.: After two good passes by Grossman we’re into the fourth quarter. Fifteen minutes away from Miami and the George Halas Trophy. And it’s that damn Ben Seaver commercial again. Followed by John Mellencamp telling me that this is our country. You know, sometimes I hate television.
4:30 P.M.: Better take that last sentence back given that, you know, my blog and pretty much my entire lifestyle is dependent on television.
4:32 P.M.: Every once in a while Rex looks like a quarterback and that was just one of those times. Touchdown Berrian who may have been the first guy I’ve ever seen do a backwards summersault into the end zone. This of course leads to the crowd breaking into a rendition of “Bear Down Chicago Bears”, which is the only fight song in the history of sports to make a specific point of giving props to an offensive formation.
4:37 P.M.: That should be a fumble recovery by the Bears. If they considered it a fumble then Ogunlye was down by contact thanks to former Domer Jeff Faine. You want to get a sense of how America has changed in the past twenty years? The Bears have gone from having guys named Hampton and Dent on their defensive line to having guys named Ogunlye. That’s just awesome.
4:40 P.M.: Here’s what cool about high-def, when I looked up from my laptop it looked like it was snowing in my living room. Though given the state of my apartment that might actually be the case.
4:44 P.M.: And Benson pounds it up the middle for another touchdown! If the Bears go to the Super Bowl, it should be a result of them playing incredible defense in the snow. It’s just the way the world works. With an eighteen point lead I am currently “cautiously optimistic”. It’s kind of like with the White Sox, when I was just waiting for them to declare the World Series a best of thirteen contest. That always happens to Chicago.
4:50 P.M.: Nice interception by Vasher. While Drew Brees isn’t having a great game he has just had an incredible season and is one of the main reasons the Saints made it this far. This is made even more amazing by the fact that he had shoulder surgery a year ago for a torn labrum and rotator cuff. I have no idea how what he has done is even physically possible. I separated my shoulder and tore some of the muscles nine years ago and when I woke up this morning I went, “Man, does my shoulder hurt.”
5:00 P.M.: And with seven and a half minutes left in the game the Bears crowd has started singing, “Sha na na na, Sha na na na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye.” This is a nearly thirty year old tradition at any Chicago sporting event where you have a large number of guys from the South Side present. We’re not sure why we took a vaguely disco song as our citywide theme song. It’s just one of those things that made sense at the time.
5:03 P.M.: I’ll say this about the Saints and it comes from one of my friends who is from New Orleans. And I’ll get back to this after mentioning a brilliant Thomas Jones cutback that results in another touchdown. Even I’m pretty much calling this ball game.
5:04 P.M.: Anyway, in talking with Jim the Bartender on Friday night about the Saints he gave me his view on the matter. Basically, no one in their right mind thought that the Saints would be in this position. He was hoping that the team would be competitive, definitely not winning a division or a playoff team. They exceeded every single expectation that they had. And in doing so, they brought a lot of light and attention to the situation that still exists in New Orleans. It’s amazing how quickly this country forgets that sixteen months ago this country lost a major city as well as one of its cultural touchstones. People don’t realize that 80% of the city was under water, that 80,000 homes were uninhabitable with everything inside destroyed, and that half of the residents still haven’t been able to come home. The Saints’ miracle season has had two unintended consequences. First of all, it gave the residents of Nola a release. The city isn’t a ghost town nor is everything back to normal. It’s a place going through a really hard time. And to have the team they follow religiously make a dramatic run into contention is a ray of hope. The other point is that with every game people are reminded that the city still isn’t rebuilt and that so much more help is needed. And that is something that should never be forgotten.
5:17 P.M.: And that’s the game. The Bears are going to the Super Bowl! I’ll do this again in two weeks when I’ll also get to make fun of commercials. Right now, I’m just going to blare Super Bowl Shuffle for the next two hours.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) De La Soul “3 Feet High and Rising”
2) The Jayhawks “Sound of Lies”
3) Freedy Johnston “This Perfect World”
4) Po’ Girl “Vagabond Lullabies”
5) The V-Roys “Just Add Ice”
1:44 P.M.: And yes, I am alone watching this game. That’s mainly because people can’t stand being next to a Bears fan who will be screaming at the television during the coin toss.
1:45 P.M.: Well, technically I’m not alone. I’m just not sure how to classify the life size cardboard cutout of Mike Ditka that is joining me for today’s game. When some people have problems they consult family or friends. Me, I ask Coach Ditka for advice. What’s that Coach Ditka? I agree, a bratwurst sounds good for a pre-game snack.
1:50 P.M.: For those wondering, this is another attempt at live blogging. I’ll watch the game and make my comments and since I have a strong emotional investment in this game (with both teams) it might get a little heated.
1:52 P.M.: Advice to that American Idol loser singing the national anthem: shave the neck beard. You look like a hobbit.
2:04 P.M.: This is basically all I can hope for in a Bears playoff game. It’s cold, there’s snow on the ground and the wind is howling. Now all we need is a huge amount of fog and we’ll be ready to game. It’s still weird watching the Bears play in the spaceship version of Soldier Field. I haven’t seen a game in the new stadium and I bet it is a much better fan experience but architecturally speaking, they took something that looked classic and turned it into a bit of a high-tech mess that doesn’t match anything else on the lakefront.
2:10 P.M.: Bears defense holds after a long pass play. Actually, that was just a damn good catch by Henderson. Punt went into the end zone, which at times makes me happy in that Hester isn’t returning it. He’ll either score a touchdown or fumble. And sometimes both on the same play.
2:14 P.M.: I find it very hard to face the fact that essentially my entire worth as a person right now is riding on the arm of a guy named Rex. It’s just not the type of name you want in a quarterback. A depression era gumshoe detective, yes, quarterback, no. That said, Drew is arguably a girl’s name and what the hell is Peyton anyway? Tom, now there’s a fine name.
2:20 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, fall on the ball. Awesome hit on Brees to cause the fumble but we could have receovered for better field position. Still, Hester had a nice little return.
2:32 P.M.: And this time we get the fumble. If the Bears are going to win the game it’s going to be a result of the defense making plays like that and being essentially a second offensive unit.
2:37 P.M.: You know, the Burger King sacking Matt Hasslebeck is not that impressive. I’m pretty sure that I can. Or hell, his sister-in-law Elizabeth from The View could probably take him down. Bears go for it on fourth down and make it through with the “fake calling a timeout and running up the middle” play.
2:39 P.M.: Damnit Rex, throw the ball lower. Third and goal from the one… and Grossman throws an incomplete. And this time we take the field goal and the Bears have a 3-0 lead.
2:43 P.M.: They’re going to overturn the fumble on the kickoff return on replay. Which is probably good for my friends from New Orleans who are throwing things at their television sets right now.
2:45 P.M.: Wow, that call stood? I’m sorry but the guy’s knee was down before the ball came loose. Now it’s time for the Bears to take advantage of this and build up a bit of a lead.
2:47 P.M.: I haven’t seen this commercial during the game today but I just have to write about it. Orville Reddenbacher has a new commercial out that features Orville out and about and wearing an iPod. Which is interesting since Orville Reddenbacher has been dead for a decade now. You can do an awful lot with animation and computer graphics but in this commercial Orville looks, well, like a ten year old corpse brought to life. He looks like a zombie pitchman, telling you about the benefits of popcorn before breaking down and yelling “Brains!” and reeking havoc on the set. Heck, we could make a whole set of commercials featuring zombies. Let’s call up The It’s Time to Make the Donuts guy, Mr. Whipple, and Charlie the Tuna.
2:51 P.M.: Another field goal for the Bears. 6-0 lead though I would like to see a touchdown, or a first down, at some point in the game.
2:58 P.M.: Ok, I have to admit the FedEx commercial was pretty cool. I’d like to work in an office where “Folding under pressure”, “Not living up to your resume” and “constantly waffling” were job titles. Just need to add the “guy who takes naps during meetings” and I’m there.
3:01 P.M.: Cedric Benson is finally showing why we used a first round draft pick on the guy. He’s a north-south runner that is just made for this type of weather. Bears are knocking on the end zone once again. But we can’t get anything to happen so it’s another Robbie Gould field goal to make it a 9-0 game. Yep, lots of excitement out here on the lakefront.
3:06 P.M.: Dude, I so can’t believe that Kumar is a terrorist on 24. All this time I just thought that he wanted to go to White Castle…
3:12 P.M.: You know, I always enjoy the crowd shots at Bears games. It’s not just that everyone in the crowd is wearing a jersey, just in case they need to be called on to play at any given moment. It’s the fact that half the jerseys are for players that haven’t played in decades. You’ll always see Payton and Singletary and McMahon jerseys, along with some classic Butkus and Sayers throwbacks. To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if they showed someone in a Tom Waddle jersey in the second half.
3:16 P.M.: Bears are just running downhill right now. With two big running backs and a beat up field, this might be a way to take control of the game. Oh and can someone tell me what the deal is with the football playing robot that Fox feels it needs to bring out at any given moment? Are they just prepping us for the future where we will no longer have to deal with pesky humans playing football? Which, if I remember correctly, was a plot point in an episode of The Jetsons.
3:21 P.M.: Touchdown Thomas Jones! Now that’s what I wanted to see! Gives us a nice 16-0 lead without having to throw the ball. Not that it is the best way to run an offense but at this point, I’ll take what I can get.
3:30 P.M.: And the Saints take the ball and run the two minute offense to perfection to make it a 16-7 game. I was expecting to give up a field goal as a result of the damn prevent defense, not a touchdown. Game just got a little closer than I like.
3:41 P.M.: For a pre-taped report, Brian Balldinger may have done the absolute worst job I have ever seen done by a sideline reporter. How the hell can you have a half dozen flubs in a pre-taped report? Can’t you at least go, “Can we shoot this again so I don’t say “uh” a half-dozen times and look like a complete dumbass.”
3:56 P.M.: Man I hate Reggie Bush. He goes ninety yards untouched to make it a 16-14 game. It was a great play, though. He just snuck in behind the defense and there wasn’t a chance in the world to stop him. This is going to be an interesting game.
3:57 P.M.: Story from yesterday that I feel like sharing. While running errands I ended up at Best Buy and was able to pick up “Pump Up the Volume” on DVD for four bucks. It’s really tough to pass up an offer like that, if only because it helps me to fill out my ultimate Gen X movie collection. Watching the film last night it strikes me as seemingly brilliant and full of plot holes at the same time. As a kid I just was thrilled by the cynicism and didn’t bother to ask why there were only five teachers in the entire school. Or why the girl takes her shirt off in the one scene. Not complaining, but it was like, “Well, it’s a teen comedy. Throw in a handful of boobs.”
4:01 P.M.: Rex Grossman is killing me right now. He seems to complete a pass about every other drive. Saints have the ball back and a chance to drive and take the lead.
4:11 P.M.: After a couple of scary moments (can we please stop someone on third down?) the Saints miss a field goal. Now it’s time for the Bears offense to…to…I’m going to go out on a limb and say “run the ball up the middle.”
4:12 P.M.: Oh, and what other errands did I run this weekend? Picked up a new shower curtain, a mop, and a whiteboard for my home office. I swear, my life is one half youthful indiscretion and one half middle aged doldrums. It’s nice having a whiteboard at home, don’t even have one of those at work. Not quite sure why I picked it up but I assume that it will come in handy at some point.
4:18 P.M.: And score two points for the defense! Personally, I like the fact that the Bears got that call by having several large men surround the referee to complain until he throws the flag. Like I said earlier, this is a game where we will need the defense to score some points. Right now, I’d be happy for a field goal on this drive just so we’ll be back to a touchdown lead.
4:22 P.M.: Or a first down. A first down would be nice.
4:29 P.M.: After two good passes by Grossman we’re into the fourth quarter. Fifteen minutes away from Miami and the George Halas Trophy. And it’s that damn Ben Seaver commercial again. Followed by John Mellencamp telling me that this is our country. You know, sometimes I hate television.
4:30 P.M.: Better take that last sentence back given that, you know, my blog and pretty much my entire lifestyle is dependent on television.
4:32 P.M.: Every once in a while Rex looks like a quarterback and that was just one of those times. Touchdown Berrian who may have been the first guy I’ve ever seen do a backwards summersault into the end zone. This of course leads to the crowd breaking into a rendition of “Bear Down Chicago Bears”, which is the only fight song in the history of sports to make a specific point of giving props to an offensive formation.
4:37 P.M.: That should be a fumble recovery by the Bears. If they considered it a fumble then Ogunlye was down by contact thanks to former Domer Jeff Faine. You want to get a sense of how America has changed in the past twenty years? The Bears have gone from having guys named Hampton and Dent on their defensive line to having guys named Ogunlye. That’s just awesome.
4:40 P.M.: Here’s what cool about high-def, when I looked up from my laptop it looked like it was snowing in my living room. Though given the state of my apartment that might actually be the case.
4:44 P.M.: And Benson pounds it up the middle for another touchdown! If the Bears go to the Super Bowl, it should be a result of them playing incredible defense in the snow. It’s just the way the world works. With an eighteen point lead I am currently “cautiously optimistic”. It’s kind of like with the White Sox, when I was just waiting for them to declare the World Series a best of thirteen contest. That always happens to Chicago.
4:50 P.M.: Nice interception by Vasher. While Drew Brees isn’t having a great game he has just had an incredible season and is one of the main reasons the Saints made it this far. This is made even more amazing by the fact that he had shoulder surgery a year ago for a torn labrum and rotator cuff. I have no idea how what he has done is even physically possible. I separated my shoulder and tore some of the muscles nine years ago and when I woke up this morning I went, “Man, does my shoulder hurt.”
5:00 P.M.: And with seven and a half minutes left in the game the Bears crowd has started singing, “Sha na na na, Sha na na na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye.” This is a nearly thirty year old tradition at any Chicago sporting event where you have a large number of guys from the South Side present. We’re not sure why we took a vaguely disco song as our citywide theme song. It’s just one of those things that made sense at the time.
5:03 P.M.: I’ll say this about the Saints and it comes from one of my friends who is from New Orleans. And I’ll get back to this after mentioning a brilliant Thomas Jones cutback that results in another touchdown. Even I’m pretty much calling this ball game.
5:04 P.M.: Anyway, in talking with Jim the Bartender on Friday night about the Saints he gave me his view on the matter. Basically, no one in their right mind thought that the Saints would be in this position. He was hoping that the team would be competitive, definitely not winning a division or a playoff team. They exceeded every single expectation that they had. And in doing so, they brought a lot of light and attention to the situation that still exists in New Orleans. It’s amazing how quickly this country forgets that sixteen months ago this country lost a major city as well as one of its cultural touchstones. People don’t realize that 80% of the city was under water, that 80,000 homes were uninhabitable with everything inside destroyed, and that half of the residents still haven’t been able to come home. The Saints’ miracle season has had two unintended consequences. First of all, it gave the residents of Nola a release. The city isn’t a ghost town nor is everything back to normal. It’s a place going through a really hard time. And to have the team they follow religiously make a dramatic run into contention is a ray of hope. The other point is that with every game people are reminded that the city still isn’t rebuilt and that so much more help is needed. And that is something that should never be forgotten.
5:17 P.M.: And that’s the game. The Bears are going to the Super Bowl! I’ll do this again in two weeks when I’ll also get to make fun of commercials. Right now, I’m just going to blare Super Bowl Shuffle for the next two hours.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) De La Soul “3 Feet High and Rising”
2) The Jayhawks “Sound of Lies”
3) Freedy Johnston “This Perfect World”
4) Po’ Girl “Vagabond Lullabies”
5) The V-Roys “Just Add Ice”
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Last of My Kind
I had an interesting experience this morning. Went out to my garage and when I opened the door I discovered that my garage was a lot brighter than it usually is. Which meant that I forgot to close the garage door the night before, leaving my car wide open for anyone who wanted to take a shot at it. This is the second time that I’ve done this since moving here, which is either a good statistic or a sign of senility, I’m not sure. It is interesting to note that no one bothered to try to take my CDs because, well, they probably looked at them and had no idea who they were by.
That did make me think about the current status of the random CD project. Started last year, this is my attempt to listen to every CD in my collection by randomly selecting five of them on a weekly basis and never repeating. The current stats are as follows: I have made it through 43% of my collection for a grand total of 280 CDs. I still believe that Excel’s random number generator is a piece of crap because of the 21 CDs that I have by the Cowboy Junkies and Cowboy Mouth I have listened to a grand total of two of them and both of those came in December. And yes, my life has reached the point where I will argue about the accuracy of random numbers.
Still, this puts me on track to finish the project sometime in 2008. I can’t give an exact date since my collection is continually growing so for all I know it might end up being 2009 before I listen to every single note. It is a really interesting task, mainly because I end up listening to discs that I haven’t picked up in over a decade. I know that there are people who will ask why I own music that I don’t listen to and I can only say that it is the collector in me. A lot of the time I feel that it is important to own every disc a band has made, even though no one in their right mind would play U2’s “October” on a regular basis.
Then there is the ego boost I get from the collection, which really shouldn’t be discounted. I’m sorry that I’m breaking the deadly sin of pride but it is really cool to look at all of these discs and go “All of this is mine.” I don’t think that you can get that same thrill from an iPod. It’s not just a music collection for me, it’s a decorating statement. Plus, as I’ve always said, I can guarantee that anyone visiting my place will look and go “I can’t believe you own this disc” twice, once in excited approval and once in utter disgust.
I know that the fact that I still buy CDs goes against my high tech image but what can I say, I grew up on the album and the full length recording. I’ve attended midnight releases where I waited to be the first person to buy the disc. I’ve probably spent months of my life scouring the shelves of stores trying to find that rarity to complete my collection. There is an enjoyment to all of that and even though I know I could do the exact same thing in five minutes online it just takes some of the fun out of it. Infinite choice isn’t always a good thing. It tends to make you incapable of making a decision. So I’ll be the last person in a record store, much like the dinosaurs that are still holding on to vinyl. Hell, might as well start growing that gray ponytail.
That’s it for the week. Bear down, Chicago Bears…
That did make me think about the current status of the random CD project. Started last year, this is my attempt to listen to every CD in my collection by randomly selecting five of them on a weekly basis and never repeating. The current stats are as follows: I have made it through 43% of my collection for a grand total of 280 CDs. I still believe that Excel’s random number generator is a piece of crap because of the 21 CDs that I have by the Cowboy Junkies and Cowboy Mouth I have listened to a grand total of two of them and both of those came in December. And yes, my life has reached the point where I will argue about the accuracy of random numbers.
Still, this puts me on track to finish the project sometime in 2008. I can’t give an exact date since my collection is continually growing so for all I know it might end up being 2009 before I listen to every single note. It is a really interesting task, mainly because I end up listening to discs that I haven’t picked up in over a decade. I know that there are people who will ask why I own music that I don’t listen to and I can only say that it is the collector in me. A lot of the time I feel that it is important to own every disc a band has made, even though no one in their right mind would play U2’s “October” on a regular basis.
Then there is the ego boost I get from the collection, which really shouldn’t be discounted. I’m sorry that I’m breaking the deadly sin of pride but it is really cool to look at all of these discs and go “All of this is mine.” I don’t think that you can get that same thrill from an iPod. It’s not just a music collection for me, it’s a decorating statement. Plus, as I’ve always said, I can guarantee that anyone visiting my place will look and go “I can’t believe you own this disc” twice, once in excited approval and once in utter disgust.
I know that the fact that I still buy CDs goes against my high tech image but what can I say, I grew up on the album and the full length recording. I’ve attended midnight releases where I waited to be the first person to buy the disc. I’ve probably spent months of my life scouring the shelves of stores trying to find that rarity to complete my collection. There is an enjoyment to all of that and even though I know I could do the exact same thing in five minutes online it just takes some of the fun out of it. Infinite choice isn’t always a good thing. It tends to make you incapable of making a decision. So I’ll be the last person in a record store, much like the dinosaurs that are still holding on to vinyl. Hell, might as well start growing that gray ponytail.
That’s it for the week. Bear down, Chicago Bears…
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The House of Funk
Two topics tonight, on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. At some point my life will be more cohesive and I’ll be able to write complete thoughts in the blog. Hell, I’d be happy if I could get through a post without using a parenthesis. I am the only person who has asides in his inner monologue.
Apparently there is a mayoral election coming up. I say apparently because I’m basing this on a number of lawn signs that I see while I drive to work. I know I should be better informed but the local news tends to vacillate between missing child stories and Death Storm 2007 coverage. And the Kansas City Star makes the South Bend Tribune look like the friggin New York Times (and has a really crappy comics section.) So my knowledge of local politics is based solely on yard signs.
With that, I would like to publicly announce my support for Mark Funkhouser based on his name alone. Because I feel strong in saying that we need to bring the funk back to KC. In fact, I think the signs should read “Four years of Funk” and “One nation under Funk.” I envision Bootsy Collins as the Chief of Staff, the Mothership replacing City Hall, and the state of the city address replaced with a three hour jam session. We need the Funk. Gotta have that Funk.
My other note is a bit of a self serving one but it’s one I’ve been wanting to discuss. I have received a lot of great feedback from people over the past few weeks on my writing and really encouraging me to go forward with a big project. (I appreciate all the notes, it really makes this all worthwhile.) Also, I’ve been reading a book about the National Novel Writing Month, which is where a group of people promise to write a novel in 30 days. So I am getting psyched to do something mammoth but I have two problems.
The first is that due to things like word counts I don’t think that I could write a novel in thirty days and keep the blog going without having to go without something important, like play trivia or showering. But I’m pretty sure that a forty-five day deadline would be feasible, though still an insane challenge. The second one is that while a novel is in the cards I have also thought about writing a collection of primarily non-fiction essays (still about 50K words) or putting together a TV pilot and maybe another episode or two (though I’ve never even attempted to write something in that style.)
So here is my thinking. I’m going to start this on March 1 with the deadline being April 15. It’s a pretty memorable date and it’s also the deadline for the Bulwer-Lytton short fiction contest, which marked my first entry into print. What I’d like to hear from whoever reads this is what do you think I should attempt first? My novel (which has a plot and characters and is my dream to write but scares me to death), a collection of essays (a little easier to write and probably a lot easier to read) or a television pilot? Send your ideas my way and I’ll take them under consideration. I hope to have a decision by the start of February, spend that month taking care of all of the ground work and then locking myself away for six weeks and pounding out the story. It’s a challenge to myself, really, and those are the kind that I like most.
Apparently there is a mayoral election coming up. I say apparently because I’m basing this on a number of lawn signs that I see while I drive to work. I know I should be better informed but the local news tends to vacillate between missing child stories and Death Storm 2007 coverage. And the Kansas City Star makes the South Bend Tribune look like the friggin New York Times (and has a really crappy comics section.) So my knowledge of local politics is based solely on yard signs.
With that, I would like to publicly announce my support for Mark Funkhouser based on his name alone. Because I feel strong in saying that we need to bring the funk back to KC. In fact, I think the signs should read “Four years of Funk” and “One nation under Funk.” I envision Bootsy Collins as the Chief of Staff, the Mothership replacing City Hall, and the state of the city address replaced with a three hour jam session. We need the Funk. Gotta have that Funk.
My other note is a bit of a self serving one but it’s one I’ve been wanting to discuss. I have received a lot of great feedback from people over the past few weeks on my writing and really encouraging me to go forward with a big project. (I appreciate all the notes, it really makes this all worthwhile.) Also, I’ve been reading a book about the National Novel Writing Month, which is where a group of people promise to write a novel in 30 days. So I am getting psyched to do something mammoth but I have two problems.
The first is that due to things like word counts I don’t think that I could write a novel in thirty days and keep the blog going without having to go without something important, like play trivia or showering. But I’m pretty sure that a forty-five day deadline would be feasible, though still an insane challenge. The second one is that while a novel is in the cards I have also thought about writing a collection of primarily non-fiction essays (still about 50K words) or putting together a TV pilot and maybe another episode or two (though I’ve never even attempted to write something in that style.)
So here is my thinking. I’m going to start this on March 1 with the deadline being April 15. It’s a pretty memorable date and it’s also the deadline for the Bulwer-Lytton short fiction contest, which marked my first entry into print. What I’d like to hear from whoever reads this is what do you think I should attempt first? My novel (which has a plot and characters and is my dream to write but scares me to death), a collection of essays (a little easier to write and probably a lot easier to read) or a television pilot? Send your ideas my way and I’ll take them under consideration. I hope to have a decision by the start of February, spend that month taking care of all of the ground work and then locking myself away for six weeks and pounding out the story. It’s a challenge to myself, really, and those are the kind that I like most.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Every day a snow day
Apparently I am still stressed out by the events of this weekend. Had a dream last night in which I a) woke up at 9:30 and realized I was horribly late for work and b) while getting dressed to leave I looked back at the clock and saw that it was 10:30 and that I was totally screwed. I seriously dreamt of running through my morning routine and freaking out about how I was going to get fired until I told myself, “Wait a minute, I’m dreaming, aren’t I.” And then I woke up, relieved to find that I would get to go back to sleep just to wake up and go to work in the morning. Ok, maybe relief isn’t the best word, more like amused detachment.
(Oh, and a hint to see if you are dreaming or not. If you see a clock or a piece of paper look at it and then look at it again. It will never say the same thing twice and sometimes the words will start moving on you. Usually when I do this I get to stay lucid for a while and have an experience that for most people requires a trip to Tibet and/or heavy chemicals.)
This town still confuses me at times. A number of schools were closed today and will still be closed tomorrow even though it isn’t snowing and the roads are fine. The official reason is that it is in the single digits and it is too cold for the kids to go to school. I know this is going to sound like “back in my day” but, well, back in my day we didn’t close school for cold unless there was a thirty below wind chill. For single digits we were told to dress in layers and wear a hat. (This explains my look today, when it is cold I don’t give a damn about style.) KC kids get more snow days than anyone in the country, though I think this means that they have to be in school until July.
Changing gears, as my concert list clearly showed a majority of my paycheck goes to the Ticketmaster corporation, who are possibly my least favorite people on earth. I have an issue with a business that at one point charged me twelve bucks for a five dollar concert. And canceled a show but kept their three dollar processing fee because I used their website. But, being a frequent purchaser does have its advantages. Such as the free gift certificate I received last week for being such a loyal customer.
A $15 gift certificate to QVC.
Wow, that just makes my customer experience so much better. Seriously, QVC? You couldn’t pay me to shop at QVC. Hell, that’s what Ticketmaster is trying to do and it’s not working. There are so many other ways to at least not make me think that your company is pure evil but this isn’t one of them. Got to love a monopoly trying to make people think better of them, though.
(Oh, and on the title of last night’s post: what the hell happened to Christina Ricci? She was one of the most promising actresses of her group and she just fell off the map. Natalie Portman kept on getting good roles but Ricci just disappeared. Really, really odd. And sad given that I read today that someone has decided to let Tara Reid star in another movie.)
(Oh, and a hint to see if you are dreaming or not. If you see a clock or a piece of paper look at it and then look at it again. It will never say the same thing twice and sometimes the words will start moving on you. Usually when I do this I get to stay lucid for a while and have an experience that for most people requires a trip to Tibet and/or heavy chemicals.)
This town still confuses me at times. A number of schools were closed today and will still be closed tomorrow even though it isn’t snowing and the roads are fine. The official reason is that it is in the single digits and it is too cold for the kids to go to school. I know this is going to sound like “back in my day” but, well, back in my day we didn’t close school for cold unless there was a thirty below wind chill. For single digits we were told to dress in layers and wear a hat. (This explains my look today, when it is cold I don’t give a damn about style.) KC kids get more snow days than anyone in the country, though I think this means that they have to be in school until July.
Changing gears, as my concert list clearly showed a majority of my paycheck goes to the Ticketmaster corporation, who are possibly my least favorite people on earth. I have an issue with a business that at one point charged me twelve bucks for a five dollar concert. And canceled a show but kept their three dollar processing fee because I used their website. But, being a frequent purchaser does have its advantages. Such as the free gift certificate I received last week for being such a loyal customer.
A $15 gift certificate to QVC.
Wow, that just makes my customer experience so much better. Seriously, QVC? You couldn’t pay me to shop at QVC. Hell, that’s what Ticketmaster is trying to do and it’s not working. There are so many other ways to at least not make me think that your company is pure evil but this isn’t one of them. Got to love a monopoly trying to make people think better of them, though.
(Oh, and on the title of last night’s post: what the hell happened to Christina Ricci? She was one of the most promising actresses of her group and she just fell off the map. Natalie Portman kept on getting good roles but Ricci just disappeared. Really, really odd. And sad given that I read today that someone has decided to let Tara Reid star in another movie.)
Monday, January 15, 2007
An ice storm without Christina Ricci...
Just because I had a day off from work doesn’t mean I get to take a day off from the blog. For starters, the blog pays better…
Topic # 1: A travel story I forgot to mention yesterday. Leaving your car in a parking lot for two days while an ice storm passes by is not exactly the smartest thing in the world. Especially when you’ve been parking your car in a garage for the past three years. It’s not that I’m not used to scraping car windows, I’ve been doing that longer than I’ve been able to drive. It’s just that I haven’t done it for a while and man am I out of shape. It’s always fun when you start thinking things like, “Do I really need to see what is going on behind me?” However, I am proud that my Chicago upbringing had taught me to keep an ice scraper in my car at all times, even though it is disconcerting to people who ride in my car in July.
Topic # 2: As I was stressed out this weekend it really didn’t surprise me that I had my stress dream. Whenever my anxiety level is really high I have the same dream: I’m back in school and I have a test looming that I haven’t studied for and a paper (always on some bizarre science topic) that I haven’t even started due in like two days. Except that this time in addition to those two standbys I also had to write my novel. Wow, that might mark the most stress that I have ever encountered in my life.
Topic # 3: For those who don’t believe how word choice can influence opinion, pay attention to how 60 Minutes was promoted this week. They had a segment on the parents of the “boys” that were accused in the Duke lacrosse case. The word “boys” was specifically used and the connotations of that cannot be ignored. Boys imply ignorance and naivety or even a “boys will be boys” attitude. There is a definite implied innocence to that term. Now, the case against them should never have been made but that still doesn’t mean that a group of 20 year old guys should be called boys. Maybe it’s because we can’t use guys as an official description. Juniors in college aren’t really men but they definitely aren’t boys. Still, it’s fascinating how important one word can be in a report.
Topic # 4: Because of football, the weather and the long weekend I have spent way too much time in front of a television set recently. As a result, I feel personally responsible to make the following announcement. If they don’t stop airing those damn McDonald’s Dollar Menuaires commercials someone is going to get hurt. First of all, they are not hip. Second, I don’t want to hear about how some chick has gained a mantourage because she ordered French fries, unless it is my beloved and that is just because it would be a good sign that she is eating again. Finally, anything that puts Ben Seaver back on my television screen is a bad idea. If I am forced to watch forming Growing Pains actors can’t we at least bring back Tracey Gold?
Topic # 5: How I Met Your Mother was a rerun once again but I did bother to stay tuned to The Class and I have to say, the show has gotten a lot funnier than it was at the start of the season. I had given it a shot and gave up on it out of boredom but it had some great laugh out loud moments. Or at least I can relate to the looking at the phone and waiting for it to ring. Hell, I’m pretty sure that everyone can relate to that, they just were funnier about it than usual.
Topic # 1: A travel story I forgot to mention yesterday. Leaving your car in a parking lot for two days while an ice storm passes by is not exactly the smartest thing in the world. Especially when you’ve been parking your car in a garage for the past three years. It’s not that I’m not used to scraping car windows, I’ve been doing that longer than I’ve been able to drive. It’s just that I haven’t done it for a while and man am I out of shape. It’s always fun when you start thinking things like, “Do I really need to see what is going on behind me?” However, I am proud that my Chicago upbringing had taught me to keep an ice scraper in my car at all times, even though it is disconcerting to people who ride in my car in July.
Topic # 2: As I was stressed out this weekend it really didn’t surprise me that I had my stress dream. Whenever my anxiety level is really high I have the same dream: I’m back in school and I have a test looming that I haven’t studied for and a paper (always on some bizarre science topic) that I haven’t even started due in like two days. Except that this time in addition to those two standbys I also had to write my novel. Wow, that might mark the most stress that I have ever encountered in my life.
Topic # 3: For those who don’t believe how word choice can influence opinion, pay attention to how 60 Minutes was promoted this week. They had a segment on the parents of the “boys” that were accused in the Duke lacrosse case. The word “boys” was specifically used and the connotations of that cannot be ignored. Boys imply ignorance and naivety or even a “boys will be boys” attitude. There is a definite implied innocence to that term. Now, the case against them should never have been made but that still doesn’t mean that a group of 20 year old guys should be called boys. Maybe it’s because we can’t use guys as an official description. Juniors in college aren’t really men but they definitely aren’t boys. Still, it’s fascinating how important one word can be in a report.
Topic # 4: Because of football, the weather and the long weekend I have spent way too much time in front of a television set recently. As a result, I feel personally responsible to make the following announcement. If they don’t stop airing those damn McDonald’s Dollar Menuaires commercials someone is going to get hurt. First of all, they are not hip. Second, I don’t want to hear about how some chick has gained a mantourage because she ordered French fries, unless it is my beloved and that is just because it would be a good sign that she is eating again. Finally, anything that puts Ben Seaver back on my television screen is a bad idea. If I am forced to watch forming Growing Pains actors can’t we at least bring back Tracey Gold?
Topic # 5: How I Met Your Mother was a rerun once again but I did bother to stay tuned to The Class and I have to say, the show has gotten a lot funnier than it was at the start of the season. I had given it a shot and gave up on it out of boredom but it had some great laugh out loud moments. Or at least I can relate to the looking at the phone and waiting for it to ring. Hell, I’m pretty sure that everyone can relate to that, they just were funnier about it than usual.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Travel stories...
I’ve often described my life as an excellent adventure and I’m never sure if people a) agree with the terminology or b) believe any of the stories that I tell. Well, this is another one of my patented true stories wherein my life once again resembles an episode of the Amazing Race.
It started when I woke up Friday morning to discover myself lying in bed and wearing my glasses. This happens about once a year and it is disconcerting as hell. I spend the next five minutes trying to figure out if I had never taken them off, hazily put them on before my alarm went off or put them on while sleepwalking the night before in a journey that probably involved me gassing up my car and stopping by Kelly’s while still in my pajamas. It’s just the sort of thing that makes the entire day feel a little oft-kilter.
The good news is that I was taking Friday off because I was flying to Chicago and getting a haircut, though not in that order. I knew that the weather report was for sleet and freezing rain but it wasn’t until I went out to fill up the car (which sadly I did not do while sleeping though that would be a great way to multitask) that I noticed just how bad it was. Really slick roads and it made me wonder about my flight. But I was able to get my haircut and drove to the airport early and checked into my flight as part of the A boarding group on Southwest so I was feeling good about myself.
I went into my usual airport routine of grabbing dinner and checking out the magazines when I glanced at the flight board to discover that my flight was cancelled. And that the last flight to Chicago was leaving in fifteen minutes. After a great deal of swearing I dashed through security where I…ok, how to explain this. I’m a creature of habit. More accurately, I’m obsessive to the nth degree (a topic I’ll write about eventually). When I go through security I follow a very strict procedure of placing my keys and cel phone in my backpack and having my ticket in a certain pocket and being really zen while going through security. Well, this time it was more like screw that. I cut in line, through my stuff on the conveyer belt and hustled through the metal detector completely forgetting that I had my keys and cel phone still in my pocket causing the guard to even go “What the hell?” I profess my stupidity and somehow make it through.
Get to the last Chicago flight and along with a half dozen other people who noticed that the flight was cancelled was able to get a seat on the flight though I had no guarantee if my checked bag was also going to be on the flight. I am the last person on the plane and grab a seat and I realize that everything is wrong. I’m sitting up front, on the right side of the plane, and in a middle seat and I always sit in the back left next to the window. Again, this just freaks me out more.
But I do get to Chicago as does my luggage so I meet up with my family, as the reason for this entire trip was to celebrate my dad’s birthday. It was tough for me to relax because I was so out of sorts from my flight as well as the fact that I kept on checking the weather and the airport and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be able to make it out of Chicago on Sunday. I moved up my flight but still wasn’t sure it was good enough. I was literally trying to time a flight between two weather systems while still hopefully catching most of the Bears game.
That leads to my trip back today, where I get to the airport early to see if I could weasel my way onto an earlier flight. I was prepared this time, leaving my shaving kit at my parents though this means that I currently do not have any toothpaste or deodorant. Got placed on standby but was told that the flight was oversold and that my chances weren’t good. But, I got lucky once again and picked off one of the last seats on this flight, which turned out to be the last Chicago to KC flight that got in today. And I was back home in time to watch the second half of the Bears game.
Of course, everything that I just wrote is really pretty meaningless. Just a bit of a humorous and harrowing travel story. It’s not at all what I’ll remember from this weekend. I’ll remember having all of my family back in one place again and having a great time. I’ll remember being ordered around by my four year old niece. But most of all I’ll remember playing with my nephew and making him laugh and giggle and smile more than I’ve ever seen. The little guy has had a tougher life than anyone his age should and just those moments of happiness might be my proudest moment in years. And no snow storm in the world could make me miss it.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Continental Drifters “Continental Drifters”
2) Paul Burch “Last of My Kind”
3) Liz Phair “Juvenalia”
4) Nora O’Connor “Til the Dawn”
5) Various Artists “New Orleans Party Classics”
It started when I woke up Friday morning to discover myself lying in bed and wearing my glasses. This happens about once a year and it is disconcerting as hell. I spend the next five minutes trying to figure out if I had never taken them off, hazily put them on before my alarm went off or put them on while sleepwalking the night before in a journey that probably involved me gassing up my car and stopping by Kelly’s while still in my pajamas. It’s just the sort of thing that makes the entire day feel a little oft-kilter.
The good news is that I was taking Friday off because I was flying to Chicago and getting a haircut, though not in that order. I knew that the weather report was for sleet and freezing rain but it wasn’t until I went out to fill up the car (which sadly I did not do while sleeping though that would be a great way to multitask) that I noticed just how bad it was. Really slick roads and it made me wonder about my flight. But I was able to get my haircut and drove to the airport early and checked into my flight as part of the A boarding group on Southwest so I was feeling good about myself.
I went into my usual airport routine of grabbing dinner and checking out the magazines when I glanced at the flight board to discover that my flight was cancelled. And that the last flight to Chicago was leaving in fifteen minutes. After a great deal of swearing I dashed through security where I…ok, how to explain this. I’m a creature of habit. More accurately, I’m obsessive to the nth degree (a topic I’ll write about eventually). When I go through security I follow a very strict procedure of placing my keys and cel phone in my backpack and having my ticket in a certain pocket and being really zen while going through security. Well, this time it was more like screw that. I cut in line, through my stuff on the conveyer belt and hustled through the metal detector completely forgetting that I had my keys and cel phone still in my pocket causing the guard to even go “What the hell?” I profess my stupidity and somehow make it through.
Get to the last Chicago flight and along with a half dozen other people who noticed that the flight was cancelled was able to get a seat on the flight though I had no guarantee if my checked bag was also going to be on the flight. I am the last person on the plane and grab a seat and I realize that everything is wrong. I’m sitting up front, on the right side of the plane, and in a middle seat and I always sit in the back left next to the window. Again, this just freaks me out more.
But I do get to Chicago as does my luggage so I meet up with my family, as the reason for this entire trip was to celebrate my dad’s birthday. It was tough for me to relax because I was so out of sorts from my flight as well as the fact that I kept on checking the weather and the airport and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be able to make it out of Chicago on Sunday. I moved up my flight but still wasn’t sure it was good enough. I was literally trying to time a flight between two weather systems while still hopefully catching most of the Bears game.
That leads to my trip back today, where I get to the airport early to see if I could weasel my way onto an earlier flight. I was prepared this time, leaving my shaving kit at my parents though this means that I currently do not have any toothpaste or deodorant. Got placed on standby but was told that the flight was oversold and that my chances weren’t good. But, I got lucky once again and picked off one of the last seats on this flight, which turned out to be the last Chicago to KC flight that got in today. And I was back home in time to watch the second half of the Bears game.
Of course, everything that I just wrote is really pretty meaningless. Just a bit of a humorous and harrowing travel story. It’s not at all what I’ll remember from this weekend. I’ll remember having all of my family back in one place again and having a great time. I’ll remember being ordered around by my four year old niece. But most of all I’ll remember playing with my nephew and making him laugh and giggle and smile more than I’ve ever seen. The little guy has had a tougher life than anyone his age should and just those moments of happiness might be my proudest moment in years. And no snow storm in the world could make me miss it.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Continental Drifters “Continental Drifters”
2) Paul Burch “Last of My Kind”
3) Liz Phair “Juvenalia”
4) Nora O’Connor “Til the Dawn”
5) Various Artists “New Orleans Party Classics”
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Topical Depression
Got a few end of the week topics to cover…
Topic # 1: I’ve recently read about something that might be the most brilliant and twisted marketing campaign ever. If you go to mymms.com you’ll see that M&M’s has set up a website where you can create messages that they will place on M&M’s. The idea is that you’ll come up with some sweet saying, probably for Valentine’s Day, and it will make a great gift. Personally, I view this as the possibility for some of the cruelest jokes ever.
Want to encourage someone to lose weight? Give them the M&M’s labeled “Have a Carrot” or “Lard Ass”. For that special someone on the 14th how about “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I’m married to the sea” or even “I’m dating your sister”. I don’t even want to think what middle school kids would do with these. Somehow this feels like it was thought up by someone wearing bad idea jeans.
Topic # 2: Saw a personalized license plate the other day that read “Linux”. It’s always nice to know that I’m not the biggest geek in the metro area. I’ve been inspired to do a lot of bizarre things in my life, getting a personalized license plate that declares my preference for an operating system is not one of them. Now, “Jedi”, that is one I could go for.
Topic # 3: Another driving story. KC has these big overhead electronic signs on the highway that are never used except for Amber alerts and telling you that the reason that you are stuck in traffic is because of an accident right ahead of you. Vaguely useful information but nothing that changes your world. Well now they’ve started to show travel times on the board, which would be really useful except for a couple of factors. 1) Traffic is pretty constant in KC so everything is basically ten minutes away, 2) People slow down in order to read the signs and 3) Hence, traffic is actually moving slower because people are trying to do math and drive at the same time. Seriously, I wonder how many accidents there were the first day they tried this as motorists looked up and went, “Oh wow, words.”
Topic # 4: The Yale glee club was assaulted in San Francisco for their singing of the Star Spangled Banner. Now I don’t know any more about the story than that sentence but I have to say, if there is anyone in the world who probably deserves a beating it’s likely the members of the Yale glee club. Not exactly a challenging target, though. I mean, I could probably take them all on by myself and win. I’m not sure you could hold your head high afterwards and go, “Man, did you see how I kicked that baritone’s ass? That’s what you get for trying to sing four part harmony in our house!”
Topic # 5: There was a news story this week about the possibility that in the course of its experiments the Viking lander on Mars may have actually killed life instead of finding it. The idea is that the radiation used in a test would have killed a theoretical lifeform that the lander was not able to recognize. I think that pretty much sums up the human race in a nutshell. Not only are we rapidly trying to eliminate every form of life on Earth, we’re now deciding to get rid of it on other planets as well. As I said before, sometimes I wonder if the creationists are right only because there is no way in the world that monkeys would be this stupid.
Topic # 1: I’ve recently read about something that might be the most brilliant and twisted marketing campaign ever. If you go to mymms.com you’ll see that M&M’s has set up a website where you can create messages that they will place on M&M’s. The idea is that you’ll come up with some sweet saying, probably for Valentine’s Day, and it will make a great gift. Personally, I view this as the possibility for some of the cruelest jokes ever.
Want to encourage someone to lose weight? Give them the M&M’s labeled “Have a Carrot” or “Lard Ass”. For that special someone on the 14th how about “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I’m married to the sea” or even “I’m dating your sister”. I don’t even want to think what middle school kids would do with these. Somehow this feels like it was thought up by someone wearing bad idea jeans.
Topic # 2: Saw a personalized license plate the other day that read “Linux”. It’s always nice to know that I’m not the biggest geek in the metro area. I’ve been inspired to do a lot of bizarre things in my life, getting a personalized license plate that declares my preference for an operating system is not one of them. Now, “Jedi”, that is one I could go for.
Topic # 3: Another driving story. KC has these big overhead electronic signs on the highway that are never used except for Amber alerts and telling you that the reason that you are stuck in traffic is because of an accident right ahead of you. Vaguely useful information but nothing that changes your world. Well now they’ve started to show travel times on the board, which would be really useful except for a couple of factors. 1) Traffic is pretty constant in KC so everything is basically ten minutes away, 2) People slow down in order to read the signs and 3) Hence, traffic is actually moving slower because people are trying to do math and drive at the same time. Seriously, I wonder how many accidents there were the first day they tried this as motorists looked up and went, “Oh wow, words.”
Topic # 4: The Yale glee club was assaulted in San Francisco for their singing of the Star Spangled Banner. Now I don’t know any more about the story than that sentence but I have to say, if there is anyone in the world who probably deserves a beating it’s likely the members of the Yale glee club. Not exactly a challenging target, though. I mean, I could probably take them all on by myself and win. I’m not sure you could hold your head high afterwards and go, “Man, did you see how I kicked that baritone’s ass? That’s what you get for trying to sing four part harmony in our house!”
Topic # 5: There was a news story this week about the possibility that in the course of its experiments the Viking lander on Mars may have actually killed life instead of finding it. The idea is that the radiation used in a test would have killed a theoretical lifeform that the lander was not able to recognize. I think that pretty much sums up the human race in a nutshell. Not only are we rapidly trying to eliminate every form of life on Earth, we’re now deciding to get rid of it on other planets as well. As I said before, sometimes I wonder if the creationists are right only because there is no way in the world that monkeys would be this stupid.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
2006 Year in Books
Time to finish off the Year in Review, focusing on the books I read in 2006 this time around. This isn’t a definitive list but it gives a good sense of what I read as the year went by…
“Bodyslams” by Gary Michael Capetta: Some people read histories of professional wrestling. Some people read autobiographies by pro wrestlers. Me? I read the autobiography of pro wrestling ring announcers. Yeah, a book by the guy who went, “Coming to the ring and hailing from Parts Unknown…” And it was like a three hundred page book. And I probably shouldn’t be admitting any of this on a website.
“Turning Thirty”, “Brand New Friend” and “His n Hers” by Mike Gayle: My favorite writer that no one outside of England has ever heard of. He is one of the best at writing a guy’s confessional novel. Basically a guy’s Bridget Jones or what my novel will be like when it is finally written. These three books focused on turning thirty and realizing that you missed all of your old friends from school, how difficult it is for a guy to make new friends as his adult and the age old question of whether a guy and a girl can be friends, and about breaking up a long relationship and wondering if it wasn’t the biggest mistake you ever made. Please pick up one of his books. (On a side note: my life no longer goes to hell when I read one of his books. Or, that has just become my steady state.)
“To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee: I was very disappointed by this book. I don’t remember a single hunting scene in the entire book. By the title it was clear that someone was going to go bird hunting. In all honesty, I don’t know how I went so long without reading this book. It just was never on a required reading list and it got to the point where I embarrassed that I hadn’t read it. Great book, a classic, and another book to cross off on the back of my copy of Cliff Notes.
“Angels and Demons” by Dan Brown: I spend a lot of time on planes and it is required that I read a Dan Brown novel at least part of the time. A fun book if you ignore things like “characters with absolutely no motivation” and “a plot that would be implausible in an episode of Scooby Doo”. Just goes to show how easy it is to make a multi-million dollar publishing empire.
“Fight Club” by Chuck Palahnick: You want to have a good time watching other people? Read Fight Club while in a crowded plane. Be sure to wield a highlighter and utilize broad sweeping strokes. And say things like “That’s awesome” and “Yeah, I should punch the next person who talks to me.”
“Jpod” by Douglas Coupland: It’s a book about being a computer programmer in Vancouver. Lots of parallels with my life in this book along with certain plot lines that make the book border on farce at times. Oh, and entire pages are filled with the numerical sequence of pi. It’s a book after my own heart.
“The Google Story” by Donald Vise, “The Search” by John Batelle, “The Long Tail” by Chris Anderson: All of which I read for work, which might give a little indication on just what I do for a living. Let’s just say that I’ve learned more about the human condition than any one being ever should. My vocabulary has increased, sadly it’s filled with a lot of words I can’t use in proper conversation.
“Sox and the City” by Richard Roeper: A book detailing the White Sox’s championship season as well as a reflection of what life was life growing up a Sox fan. A great book if you want to remember what old Commiskey was like in its beautiful, decrepit, smelly glory. However, I can not believe that Roeper could write a book about being a Sox fan and not once mention Andy the Clown. He was a legend at the old park or more accurately he was a guy who dressed up in a clown costume and went to the games. I was raised to believe that this was perfectly normal behavior.
“New Orleans, Mon Amour” by Andrei Codrescu: A collection of essays on New Orleans by one of her favorite sons, albeit a son who was originally born in Transylvania. If you want to understand why I love this city so much and why I have hope that it will one day return you really should read this book. Andrei explains things much better than I ever could.
“V for Vendetta” by Alan Moore: Look, graphic novels count as books. It’s my list and I make the rules. If you want to get into the graphic novel scene there are three books to read: V for Vendetta, Watchmen, and The Sandman. And you can’t complain about anything that is filmed with Natalie Portman in the lead role.
“Sight Hound” by Pam Houston: Read this book over the holidays and I’m on record as saying that Pam has one of the best voices of any author I have ever read. She is a very lyrical writer. However, this is her first novel and well, it’s a novel about a dog and it reads like something that will be featured in book clubs from now until the end of time. Which means that the dog is certainly not going to make it to the last page. And I’m sorry but after reading Sounder and Old Yeller growing up I don’t want to ever have to read another book about a dog dying.
“Fragile Things” by Neil Gaiman: Probably my favorite author on the planet. He’s the writer behind the aforementioned Sandman as well as some great fantasy novels. This is a collection of short stories and poems and other little bits that he has written along the way. The greatest compliment that I can give him is that he has the ability to create an entire mythology out of whole cloth. Even in a short story he can create his own little world and you believe every single part of it. You can’t go wrong with anything he has written. (Well, except for that quickie biography he wrote about Duran Duran in the 80’s but he was a struggling writer who needed the money.)
“Bodyslams” by Gary Michael Capetta: Some people read histories of professional wrestling. Some people read autobiographies by pro wrestlers. Me? I read the autobiography of pro wrestling ring announcers. Yeah, a book by the guy who went, “Coming to the ring and hailing from Parts Unknown…” And it was like a three hundred page book. And I probably shouldn’t be admitting any of this on a website.
“Turning Thirty”, “Brand New Friend” and “His n Hers” by Mike Gayle: My favorite writer that no one outside of England has ever heard of. He is one of the best at writing a guy’s confessional novel. Basically a guy’s Bridget Jones or what my novel will be like when it is finally written. These three books focused on turning thirty and realizing that you missed all of your old friends from school, how difficult it is for a guy to make new friends as his adult and the age old question of whether a guy and a girl can be friends, and about breaking up a long relationship and wondering if it wasn’t the biggest mistake you ever made. Please pick up one of his books. (On a side note: my life no longer goes to hell when I read one of his books. Or, that has just become my steady state.)
“To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee: I was very disappointed by this book. I don’t remember a single hunting scene in the entire book. By the title it was clear that someone was going to go bird hunting. In all honesty, I don’t know how I went so long without reading this book. It just was never on a required reading list and it got to the point where I embarrassed that I hadn’t read it. Great book, a classic, and another book to cross off on the back of my copy of Cliff Notes.
“Angels and Demons” by Dan Brown: I spend a lot of time on planes and it is required that I read a Dan Brown novel at least part of the time. A fun book if you ignore things like “characters with absolutely no motivation” and “a plot that would be implausible in an episode of Scooby Doo”. Just goes to show how easy it is to make a multi-million dollar publishing empire.
“Fight Club” by Chuck Palahnick: You want to have a good time watching other people? Read Fight Club while in a crowded plane. Be sure to wield a highlighter and utilize broad sweeping strokes. And say things like “That’s awesome” and “Yeah, I should punch the next person who talks to me.”
“Jpod” by Douglas Coupland: It’s a book about being a computer programmer in Vancouver. Lots of parallels with my life in this book along with certain plot lines that make the book border on farce at times. Oh, and entire pages are filled with the numerical sequence of pi. It’s a book after my own heart.
“The Google Story” by Donald Vise, “The Search” by John Batelle, “The Long Tail” by Chris Anderson: All of which I read for work, which might give a little indication on just what I do for a living. Let’s just say that I’ve learned more about the human condition than any one being ever should. My vocabulary has increased, sadly it’s filled with a lot of words I can’t use in proper conversation.
“Sox and the City” by Richard Roeper: A book detailing the White Sox’s championship season as well as a reflection of what life was life growing up a Sox fan. A great book if you want to remember what old Commiskey was like in its beautiful, decrepit, smelly glory. However, I can not believe that Roeper could write a book about being a Sox fan and not once mention Andy the Clown. He was a legend at the old park or more accurately he was a guy who dressed up in a clown costume and went to the games. I was raised to believe that this was perfectly normal behavior.
“New Orleans, Mon Amour” by Andrei Codrescu: A collection of essays on New Orleans by one of her favorite sons, albeit a son who was originally born in Transylvania. If you want to understand why I love this city so much and why I have hope that it will one day return you really should read this book. Andrei explains things much better than I ever could.
“V for Vendetta” by Alan Moore: Look, graphic novels count as books. It’s my list and I make the rules. If you want to get into the graphic novel scene there are three books to read: V for Vendetta, Watchmen, and The Sandman. And you can’t complain about anything that is filmed with Natalie Portman in the lead role.
“Sight Hound” by Pam Houston: Read this book over the holidays and I’m on record as saying that Pam has one of the best voices of any author I have ever read. She is a very lyrical writer. However, this is her first novel and well, it’s a novel about a dog and it reads like something that will be featured in book clubs from now until the end of time. Which means that the dog is certainly not going to make it to the last page. And I’m sorry but after reading Sounder and Old Yeller growing up I don’t want to ever have to read another book about a dog dying.
“Fragile Things” by Neil Gaiman: Probably my favorite author on the planet. He’s the writer behind the aforementioned Sandman as well as some great fantasy novels. This is a collection of short stories and poems and other little bits that he has written along the way. The greatest compliment that I can give him is that he has the ability to create an entire mythology out of whole cloth. Even in a short story he can create his own little world and you believe every single part of it. You can’t go wrong with anything he has written. (Well, except for that quickie biography he wrote about Duran Duran in the 80’s but he was a struggling writer who needed the money.)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Decreasing entropy
I’ve been on this strange organizational trip as of late. I could probably blame it on the start of a new year. That always makes me focus on trying to get my life together for the first time in my entire existence. On the plus side, it does mean that my apartment is organized and clean for the first time in ages. However, it also means that I put together a full page of To Do’s for tonight that began with, and I’m not kidding here, “have dinner”. Yep, while sitting at work and compiling this list I actually went, “Better remind myself to eat.” I probably should also have included items like “drive home”, “get mail” and “watch CSI reruns for two hours because it’s that cool one where they bury Nick alive.” Still, I’m at least going to accomplish most of what I listed out this morning.
(Yes, I spent part of today at work creating to do lists. Along with a few other really detail oriented reporting tasks without the benefit of headphones. Anything to keep my mind off the press releases of the past few days.)
In lighter news, I started reading Crime and Punishment today. Yep, since it is January that means I have to once again tackle a challenging/important piece of literature. In the past this has had me reading Faust, Ulysses, the Pilgrim’s Progress and To Kill a Mockingbird. Ok, maybe the last one shouldn’t count as a challenge but it was a book that I was embarrassed to say that I had never read. I think the blame goes to Ivy for recommending this one in an email thread and as I have never read the Russians to the degree that I feel I should have I challenge Dostoevsky and his novel where every character is seemingly named Ivan. Or that’s how I assume it will be, I’m just fifteen pages into it right now. Who knows, maybe it turns out to be like a Harry Potter book and I’m suddenly reading about the Russian version of Quidditch.
In truly lighter news, it appears that the candlelight vigil for Lindsay was very successful as she was seen out and about last weekend. Most people have their appendix removed and they spend the next week in bed. Not our Lindsay, who was out dancing on tables at a club the next day. She’s like the cheerleader from Heroes; you just can’t keep her down. Except instead of trying to save the planet from annihilation she’s trying to…she’s trying to…you know, I’m her biggest fan and I don’t have a friggin clue was Lindsay’s motivation is any more. Maybe she wants to be an singer, maybe she wants to be a movie star, she’s like that girl you knew in college who had like three majors and each one was less useful than the previous one until she ended up with a degree in communications and the only reason you talked to her is because she always seemed to be at the bar and falling into guys’ arms. Lindsay Lohan, that girl in college who when you saw her you went, “Oh no, not her again…”
(Yes, I spent part of today at work creating to do lists. Along with a few other really detail oriented reporting tasks without the benefit of headphones. Anything to keep my mind off the press releases of the past few days.)
In lighter news, I started reading Crime and Punishment today. Yep, since it is January that means I have to once again tackle a challenging/important piece of literature. In the past this has had me reading Faust, Ulysses, the Pilgrim’s Progress and To Kill a Mockingbird. Ok, maybe the last one shouldn’t count as a challenge but it was a book that I was embarrassed to say that I had never read. I think the blame goes to Ivy for recommending this one in an email thread and as I have never read the Russians to the degree that I feel I should have I challenge Dostoevsky and his novel where every character is seemingly named Ivan. Or that’s how I assume it will be, I’m just fifteen pages into it right now. Who knows, maybe it turns out to be like a Harry Potter book and I’m suddenly reading about the Russian version of Quidditch.
In truly lighter news, it appears that the candlelight vigil for Lindsay was very successful as she was seen out and about last weekend. Most people have their appendix removed and they spend the next week in bed. Not our Lindsay, who was out dancing on tables at a club the next day. She’s like the cheerleader from Heroes; you just can’t keep her down. Except instead of trying to save the planet from annihilation she’s trying to…she’s trying to…you know, I’m her biggest fan and I don’t have a friggin clue was Lindsay’s motivation is any more. Maybe she wants to be an singer, maybe she wants to be a movie star, she’s like that girl you knew in college who had like three majors and each one was less useful than the previous one until she ended up with a degree in communications and the only reason you talked to her is because she always seemed to be at the bar and falling into guys’ arms. Lindsay Lohan, that girl in college who when you saw her you went, “Oh no, not her again…”
Monday, January 08, 2007
The future's so bright...
Back to our usual writing schedule. I still have one more “Look Back at 2006” piece to go, this time focusing on the books that I read over the year. I didn’t initially mean for this to turn into a major retrospective, I always planned on writing about books and concerts but somehow I have a feeling that if I don’t put an end to it now in March I’ll be writing something about “The five best vending machine snacks I purchased in 2006”.
(Have to go with the Hershey Bar with Almonds on that one. Tasty and you get to tell yourself “It’s got almonds in it. Almonds are healthy. I mean just disregard the pound of chocolate that surrounds them.”)
As many of you may know, my apartment looks out over a parking lot. Obviously I did not splurge for the scenic view but then again, this is Kansas City, I’m not quite sure what the scenic view would be of. I think I live as far away from a body of water or a change of elevation or hell, a tree, as is humanly possible. So, while the view could be better it’s never really bothered me all that much. Until recently that is.
See, this parking lot contains a couple of street lights that historically have been kind of flaky. Sometimes they are on, sometimes they are off and occasionally they’ll just start flickering and I get this strobe light effect in my bedroom. (Actually, that is pretty freaking sweet.) Again, just one of those things like upstairs neighbors who apparently decide to celebrate one in the morning by jumping up and down in combat boots that just comes with apartment living. Well, sometime over the holiday they went ahead and finally fixed the streetlights and installed new bulbs. Really bright new bulbs. Insanely bright bulbs. Like someone decided to focus a spotlight on my building.
I’m not kidding here, I don’t have to turn on the lights when I walk into my apartment because it is being lit by the street. While I don’t mind the fact that my electric bill is lower because of this it does make sleeping a bit more of a challenge. Or just relaxing as whenever I turn there is this pulsating light beaming into every room of my apartment. I swear I’m this close to breaking out the old slingshot. Or purchasing some 60 watt bulbs and replacing them myself.
Not much else to note. Florida is winning and by my math that should make Boise State the national champions. And on How I Met Your Mother putting Barney in Dirty Dancing was both inspired and disturbing at the same time. I’m still not sure if I’m happy that they’ve med Ted four years younger than I am. That said, no one can ever correctly guess my age anyway so whatever works to get the story sold works for me.
(Have to go with the Hershey Bar with Almonds on that one. Tasty and you get to tell yourself “It’s got almonds in it. Almonds are healthy. I mean just disregard the pound of chocolate that surrounds them.”)
As many of you may know, my apartment looks out over a parking lot. Obviously I did not splurge for the scenic view but then again, this is Kansas City, I’m not quite sure what the scenic view would be of. I think I live as far away from a body of water or a change of elevation or hell, a tree, as is humanly possible. So, while the view could be better it’s never really bothered me all that much. Until recently that is.
See, this parking lot contains a couple of street lights that historically have been kind of flaky. Sometimes they are on, sometimes they are off and occasionally they’ll just start flickering and I get this strobe light effect in my bedroom. (Actually, that is pretty freaking sweet.) Again, just one of those things like upstairs neighbors who apparently decide to celebrate one in the morning by jumping up and down in combat boots that just comes with apartment living. Well, sometime over the holiday they went ahead and finally fixed the streetlights and installed new bulbs. Really bright new bulbs. Insanely bright bulbs. Like someone decided to focus a spotlight on my building.
I’m not kidding here, I don’t have to turn on the lights when I walk into my apartment because it is being lit by the street. While I don’t mind the fact that my electric bill is lower because of this it does make sleeping a bit more of a challenge. Or just relaxing as whenever I turn there is this pulsating light beaming into every room of my apartment. I swear I’m this close to breaking out the old slingshot. Or purchasing some 60 watt bulbs and replacing them myself.
Not much else to note. Florida is winning and by my math that should make Boise State the national champions. And on How I Met Your Mother putting Barney in Dirty Dancing was both inspired and disturbing at the same time. I’m still not sure if I’m happy that they’ve med Ted four years younger than I am. That said, no one can ever correctly guess my age anyway so whatever works to get the story sold works for me.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
2006 Concerts: Part Three
Ok, time to finish off the 2006 concert reviews. Before I do that, I thought it would be cool to share my concert going stats over the past three years. I have no idea if this is of interest to anyone other than me but it’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to (cry if I want to, die if I want to). (Actually, that sentiment is wrong. It should be more like “whine if I want to, suffer from a nasty hangover if I want to.” I mean seriously, just because you’re having a party doesn’t mean you have to die.)
Over the past three years I have gone to a total of 122 concerts featuring 169 different acts. 29 of those shows took place at Davey’s Uptown while another 18 involved my driving to Lawrence to see someone at Liberty Hall. Obviously, I saw a number of acts more than once and here are the most frequently seen acts..
5 times: Jon Dee Graham, Richard Buckner
4 times: Carbon Leaf, The Gaslights, Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys
3 times: Alejandro Escovedo, Ani DiFranco, Cowboy Mouth, Hank Williams III, Howie Day, Jack Ingram, Old Crow Medicine Show, Robert Earl Keen, The Get Up Kids
2 times: Way too many to list
Let’s finish the reviews, shall we?
Beaumont Club (Kansas City, MO)
1) Robert Earl Keen (Opening Acts: Full Throttle, Cross Canadian Ragweed): This was a big homecoming show for Cross Canadian Ragweed as I think they are from Oklahoma or something. This just meant that the crowd was a lot more into the band than I was as I just recall standing there hoping that their set would eventually end. Robert Earl Keen is typically a great person to see live but this show just was not doing it for me. Maybe it was because it was actually sponsored by one of the local country radio stations and while my musical tastes might indicate otherwise, I really try to stay away from anything associated with country radio. This show was really high on my list of disappointments of the year and boy, is that a list worth writing about.
2) Guster (Opening Acts: Nada Surf): You’ve actually heard of Nada Surf. They had a hit in the late 90’s/early naughts with “Popular” where the lead singer spends half the song in a spoken rant. The thing is, while that looks really cool in a video, it doesn’t translate very well to a stage. Guster put on their usual fun set though you could tell that they were pissed about the venue. See, this show was originally supposed to be at City Market, which meant that they were going to be playing in this big parking lot. Apparently they didn’t sell enough tickets so they moved it to the Beaumont, which is essentially a country bar up to and including a mechanical bull sitting in the back of the bar. It’s always fun to see a band realize that it has entered a scene from the Blues Brothers and start quickly trying to remember all of the words to Rawhide.
Grand Emporium (Kansas City, MO)
1) Jack Ingram (Opening Act: Ryan Boles Band): I am as stunned as anyone that Jack Ingram has actually earned a top country song and a spot singing the national anthem at the NBA Finals. When I first saw him he was pleased as hell to be playing in a half empty bar because he never thought that he would ever headline a show in Chicago. The guy is talented as hell and while his electric shows don’t match the awesomeness of his acoustic shows they can be fun as hell. This show does win for the worst sound mix of the year as Jack spent the first thirty minutes arguing with the sound board to the point that the opening lyric to one song was “Guitar down, damnit!”
2) Gomez (Opening Act: David Ford): I am on public record as to hating the new, clean Grand Emporium. It’s very prim and proper and I feel like I should be sipping on a martini while smoking a cigar as opposed to seeing a band. However, the place is intimate as hell and there is no way in the world that a band as good as Gomez should be playing in a place of that size. Just a killer British band that is part blues, part rock, part country and part Harry Potter. Or at least that’s who their keyboardist always reminds me of. David Ford was the best opening act this year with a very Damien Rice-esq vibe to him. Lots of loops, lots of emotion and I’m pretty sure that on his last song he blew out half his amps and broke two guitars and enjoyed every moment of it.
3) The Ditty Bops: There is one word I almost never use in describing music and that word is unique. It’s almost impossible for me to stumble upon something and go, “Wow, I’ve never heard anything like that before.” But damnit, Abby and Amanda are unique as hell. Part bluegrass, part vaudeville, part performance art, The Ditty Bops put on one of the most enjoyable shows you’ll ever see. You’ll laugh, you’ll dance, you’ll sing along, you will have your jaw drop when Amanda does an onstage costume change from the good witch to the bad witch. Without a doubt, this is a band to check out for the novelty alone.
Kansas City Irish Fest (Kansas City, MO)
1) Black 47: I don’t think I wrote about this show because I was on a flight to London the next day (and it was my birthday, so things were hazy to begin with). I’ve been a fan of Black 47 for years and while they are a great Irish band I was surprised to see them on the Irish Fest circuit. In kind of the same way that it would amaze me to see Shane McGowan show up at one of those things. Still, that was me next to the stage when they played the song “James Connolly”. As someone who has stood where James Connolly was executed let’s just say that this was a very moving experience. Even if it was part of a toursity Irish fest.
VooDoo Lounge at Harrah’s Casino (North Kansas City, MO)
1) Cowboy Mouth (Opening Act: Pomeroy): This was a fourth and ten play for one game in my relationship season and I have to say that Cowboy Mouth completely failed in the clutch. It was like having Terrell Owens out there at wide receiver, not only does he drop the ball but then he yells about not throwing the ball enough. Anyway, I saw this exact same show two weeks ago so I’ll talk about this more at number five.
2) Lucinda Williams (Opening Act: Tim Easton): Most bizarre moment at a concert this year. Get in right as the show started and all the seats on the floor are taken so I head to the balcony and grab a seat in the last row. After the opening set I look up and see Kristen and Bill, two people who I only see at concerts walking straight towards me. It was as random as life could get. This was pretty much an acoustic show (or at least one without a drummer) for Lucinda and she is such an incredible songwriter that it just makes for a great night. She might not have the best voice or stage presence in the world and she needs a music stand with lyrics in front of her but man, can she write.
3) The Neville Brothers: Ran into former Chiefs great Neil Smith at this show. Or more like he ran through me getting to his seat and yeah, I’m not a very good left tackle. One gripe about this show, everyone in the crowd was a) older than me and b) sitting down. This does not make for a good show by the Nevilles. These guys feed off of the crowd’s energy and it was as subdued a group of people that you could ever find. Still, there are times in your life when the prescription is to listen to the Nevilles do their thing because when they are at their best, they’re the best in the world.
4) Soul Asylum (Opening Act: The New Amsterdams): It’s nice to reminisce about my college years even if half of those memories involve circuit diagrams. That’s what going to Soul Asylum was all about, reliving songs from a decade ago because they happen to be really good songs. This show was better than it had any right being and I’ll probably end up getting “Stand Up and be Strong” because of how good some of their new songs were. Dave and Dan are aging like the rest of us but for a little bit we can all remember being younger and dating Winona Ryder.
5) Cowboy Mouth (Opening Act: Pomeroy): I have a problem with Cowboy Mouth and it sucks because they were one of my favorite bands ever. When I got into one of my down moods their CDs were one of my quick cures to get me off the couch and tackling life again. That said, I’ve been pissed at their shows because of Fred the Drummer’s consistent requests that we make more noise and throw our hands in the air and jump up and down on every single song. There is a difference between passion and pandering and I think over the past five years or so the band has crossed the line. It’s like it’s gone from fun to work. I just think the best moments come naturally. Like watching Jay Farrar play “Still Be Around” and having the crowd, with no prodding” sing along. I’ll take one of those over two dozen “Jump around and scream.”
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cathy Richardson Band “All Excess: Live at Park West”
2) The Juliana Hatfield Three “Become What You Are”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Hooray for the Moon”
4) Keb’ Mo’ “Keb’ Mo’”
5) C.J. Chenier and the Red Hot Louisiana Band “Hot Rod”
Over the past three years I have gone to a total of 122 concerts featuring 169 different acts. 29 of those shows took place at Davey’s Uptown while another 18 involved my driving to Lawrence to see someone at Liberty Hall. Obviously, I saw a number of acts more than once and here are the most frequently seen acts..
5 times: Jon Dee Graham, Richard Buckner
4 times: Carbon Leaf, The Gaslights, Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys
3 times: Alejandro Escovedo, Ani DiFranco, Cowboy Mouth, Hank Williams III, Howie Day, Jack Ingram, Old Crow Medicine Show, Robert Earl Keen, The Get Up Kids
2 times: Way too many to list
Let’s finish the reviews, shall we?
Beaumont Club (Kansas City, MO)
1) Robert Earl Keen (Opening Acts: Full Throttle, Cross Canadian Ragweed): This was a big homecoming show for Cross Canadian Ragweed as I think they are from Oklahoma or something. This just meant that the crowd was a lot more into the band than I was as I just recall standing there hoping that their set would eventually end. Robert Earl Keen is typically a great person to see live but this show just was not doing it for me. Maybe it was because it was actually sponsored by one of the local country radio stations and while my musical tastes might indicate otherwise, I really try to stay away from anything associated with country radio. This show was really high on my list of disappointments of the year and boy, is that a list worth writing about.
2) Guster (Opening Acts: Nada Surf): You’ve actually heard of Nada Surf. They had a hit in the late 90’s/early naughts with “Popular” where the lead singer spends half the song in a spoken rant. The thing is, while that looks really cool in a video, it doesn’t translate very well to a stage. Guster put on their usual fun set though you could tell that they were pissed about the venue. See, this show was originally supposed to be at City Market, which meant that they were going to be playing in this big parking lot. Apparently they didn’t sell enough tickets so they moved it to the Beaumont, which is essentially a country bar up to and including a mechanical bull sitting in the back of the bar. It’s always fun to see a band realize that it has entered a scene from the Blues Brothers and start quickly trying to remember all of the words to Rawhide.
Grand Emporium (Kansas City, MO)
1) Jack Ingram (Opening Act: Ryan Boles Band): I am as stunned as anyone that Jack Ingram has actually earned a top country song and a spot singing the national anthem at the NBA Finals. When I first saw him he was pleased as hell to be playing in a half empty bar because he never thought that he would ever headline a show in Chicago. The guy is talented as hell and while his electric shows don’t match the awesomeness of his acoustic shows they can be fun as hell. This show does win for the worst sound mix of the year as Jack spent the first thirty minutes arguing with the sound board to the point that the opening lyric to one song was “Guitar down, damnit!”
2) Gomez (Opening Act: David Ford): I am on public record as to hating the new, clean Grand Emporium. It’s very prim and proper and I feel like I should be sipping on a martini while smoking a cigar as opposed to seeing a band. However, the place is intimate as hell and there is no way in the world that a band as good as Gomez should be playing in a place of that size. Just a killer British band that is part blues, part rock, part country and part Harry Potter. Or at least that’s who their keyboardist always reminds me of. David Ford was the best opening act this year with a very Damien Rice-esq vibe to him. Lots of loops, lots of emotion and I’m pretty sure that on his last song he blew out half his amps and broke two guitars and enjoyed every moment of it.
3) The Ditty Bops: There is one word I almost never use in describing music and that word is unique. It’s almost impossible for me to stumble upon something and go, “Wow, I’ve never heard anything like that before.” But damnit, Abby and Amanda are unique as hell. Part bluegrass, part vaudeville, part performance art, The Ditty Bops put on one of the most enjoyable shows you’ll ever see. You’ll laugh, you’ll dance, you’ll sing along, you will have your jaw drop when Amanda does an onstage costume change from the good witch to the bad witch. Without a doubt, this is a band to check out for the novelty alone.
Kansas City Irish Fest (Kansas City, MO)
1) Black 47: I don’t think I wrote about this show because I was on a flight to London the next day (and it was my birthday, so things were hazy to begin with). I’ve been a fan of Black 47 for years and while they are a great Irish band I was surprised to see them on the Irish Fest circuit. In kind of the same way that it would amaze me to see Shane McGowan show up at one of those things. Still, that was me next to the stage when they played the song “James Connolly”. As someone who has stood where James Connolly was executed let’s just say that this was a very moving experience. Even if it was part of a toursity Irish fest.
VooDoo Lounge at Harrah’s Casino (North Kansas City, MO)
1) Cowboy Mouth (Opening Act: Pomeroy): This was a fourth and ten play for one game in my relationship season and I have to say that Cowboy Mouth completely failed in the clutch. It was like having Terrell Owens out there at wide receiver, not only does he drop the ball but then he yells about not throwing the ball enough. Anyway, I saw this exact same show two weeks ago so I’ll talk about this more at number five.
2) Lucinda Williams (Opening Act: Tim Easton): Most bizarre moment at a concert this year. Get in right as the show started and all the seats on the floor are taken so I head to the balcony and grab a seat in the last row. After the opening set I look up and see Kristen and Bill, two people who I only see at concerts walking straight towards me. It was as random as life could get. This was pretty much an acoustic show (or at least one without a drummer) for Lucinda and she is such an incredible songwriter that it just makes for a great night. She might not have the best voice or stage presence in the world and she needs a music stand with lyrics in front of her but man, can she write.
3) The Neville Brothers: Ran into former Chiefs great Neil Smith at this show. Or more like he ran through me getting to his seat and yeah, I’m not a very good left tackle. One gripe about this show, everyone in the crowd was a) older than me and b) sitting down. This does not make for a good show by the Nevilles. These guys feed off of the crowd’s energy and it was as subdued a group of people that you could ever find. Still, there are times in your life when the prescription is to listen to the Nevilles do their thing because when they are at their best, they’re the best in the world.
4) Soul Asylum (Opening Act: The New Amsterdams): It’s nice to reminisce about my college years even if half of those memories involve circuit diagrams. That’s what going to Soul Asylum was all about, reliving songs from a decade ago because they happen to be really good songs. This show was better than it had any right being and I’ll probably end up getting “Stand Up and be Strong” because of how good some of their new songs were. Dave and Dan are aging like the rest of us but for a little bit we can all remember being younger and dating Winona Ryder.
5) Cowboy Mouth (Opening Act: Pomeroy): I have a problem with Cowboy Mouth and it sucks because they were one of my favorite bands ever. When I got into one of my down moods their CDs were one of my quick cures to get me off the couch and tackling life again. That said, I’ve been pissed at their shows because of Fred the Drummer’s consistent requests that we make more noise and throw our hands in the air and jump up and down on every single song. There is a difference between passion and pandering and I think over the past five years or so the band has crossed the line. It’s like it’s gone from fun to work. I just think the best moments come naturally. Like watching Jay Farrar play “Still Be Around” and having the crowd, with no prodding” sing along. I’ll take one of those over two dozen “Jump around and scream.”
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cathy Richardson Band “All Excess: Live at Park West”
2) The Juliana Hatfield Three “Become What You Are”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Hooray for the Moon”
4) Keb’ Mo’ “Keb’ Mo’”
5) C.J. Chenier and the Red Hot Louisiana Band “Hot Rod”
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Lindsay's rather daring weight loss strategy...
I’m taking one more day off before I finish off the concert list. The good news is that there are some interesting shows to write about so it should be a more enjoyable experience for all of us. Also, as I have done the past two years I will also be putting together a couple of CDs featuring every band that I saw this year whom I have at least one track from. Which means that I will be forced to include an Ani song this year (damn you, Paste CD sampler). If you want a copy of this or any of my other past CD collections just drop me a line.
Instead, time to do some topical discussions…
Topic # 1: We here at Batlling the Current would like to send get well wishes out to Lindsay Lohan, who had her appendix removed today. We wish her a speedy recover from this surgery and hope that the installation of the auxiliary liver was also successful and that in a few weeks she’ll be back to her fun-loving self. In lieu of flowers, the Lohan camp is requesting that bottles of Gray Goose be sent to the hospital room. I know I speak for everyone when I say that life would be much less interesting without my beloved.
(And no, this post isn’t being written from a candelight vigil held outside the hospital. Why do you ask?)
Topic # 2: I found out that today is National Trivia Day, which raises the question “Why the hell was I at work today?” Seriously, if there is anything close to a national holiday for me this would be it. Ok, maybe Pi Day would also suffice but this is more of a day meant to honor me. Yep, probably should have made a New Year’s resolution to cut down on the arrogance as well.
Topic # 3: I have to take issue with my friend Maygun’s grossly inaccurate article in the Pitch on the upcoming WWE show in Kansas City this weekend. First of all, Kurt Angle isn’t retired. He’s simply wrestling in TNA because the WWE fired him for health reasons. Also, if you were watching Rey Mysterio and the Undertaker then you were watching Smackdown, not Raw. It is a nuance to be sure but until you watch wrestling with that level of detail all you are doing is looking at large men hit each other. Still don’t know what is more interesting, the fact that I know someone who writes for the Pitch or that I didn’t even have to look up any of the wrestling facts that I mentioned.
Topic # 4: To whoever texted me at three in the morning on New Year’s Eve I would like to pass along the following notes. 1) Thanks for the message. 2) I have no clue who you are because you’re not in my phone book and 3) Technically, at three in the morning I’m past welcoming in the new year and am at the point where I’m actively complaining about how much this year sucks. But it’s the thought that counts.
Topic # 5: I’m trying to work the following into a short story and I need help from the audience. The idea is that a group of guys are discussing the fact that all strippers are named after either a) minerals or b) drinks. Hence all of the Sapphires and Diamonds and Tanquerays that you meet. Or theoretically meet. Anyway, I was trying to figure out what the funniest names would be using that convention. Here are my choices “Sierra Mist”, “Dr. Pepper”, “Quartz” and “Zinc”. Personally, I can see a great deal of humor in the line “Now appearing on the main stage, Dr. Pepper.”
Yeah, it’s been a long week… Have a great weekend everyone.
Instead, time to do some topical discussions…
Topic # 1: We here at Batlling the Current would like to send get well wishes out to Lindsay Lohan, who had her appendix removed today. We wish her a speedy recover from this surgery and hope that the installation of the auxiliary liver was also successful and that in a few weeks she’ll be back to her fun-loving self. In lieu of flowers, the Lohan camp is requesting that bottles of Gray Goose be sent to the hospital room. I know I speak for everyone when I say that life would be much less interesting without my beloved.
(And no, this post isn’t being written from a candelight vigil held outside the hospital. Why do you ask?)
Topic # 2: I found out that today is National Trivia Day, which raises the question “Why the hell was I at work today?” Seriously, if there is anything close to a national holiday for me this would be it. Ok, maybe Pi Day would also suffice but this is more of a day meant to honor me. Yep, probably should have made a New Year’s resolution to cut down on the arrogance as well.
Topic # 3: I have to take issue with my friend Maygun’s grossly inaccurate article in the Pitch on the upcoming WWE show in Kansas City this weekend. First of all, Kurt Angle isn’t retired. He’s simply wrestling in TNA because the WWE fired him for health reasons. Also, if you were watching Rey Mysterio and the Undertaker then you were watching Smackdown, not Raw. It is a nuance to be sure but until you watch wrestling with that level of detail all you are doing is looking at large men hit each other. Still don’t know what is more interesting, the fact that I know someone who writes for the Pitch or that I didn’t even have to look up any of the wrestling facts that I mentioned.
Topic # 4: To whoever texted me at three in the morning on New Year’s Eve I would like to pass along the following notes. 1) Thanks for the message. 2) I have no clue who you are because you’re not in my phone book and 3) Technically, at three in the morning I’m past welcoming in the new year and am at the point where I’m actively complaining about how much this year sucks. But it’s the thought that counts.
Topic # 5: I’m trying to work the following into a short story and I need help from the audience. The idea is that a group of guys are discussing the fact that all strippers are named after either a) minerals or b) drinks. Hence all of the Sapphires and Diamonds and Tanquerays that you meet. Or theoretically meet. Anyway, I was trying to figure out what the funniest names would be using that convention. Here are my choices “Sierra Mist”, “Dr. Pepper”, “Quartz” and “Zinc”. Personally, I can see a great deal of humor in the line “Now appearing on the main stage, Dr. Pepper.”
Yeah, it’s been a long week… Have a great weekend everyone.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Musical Musings...
Just to give a bit of an indication of the current status of my life, I was all set to spend this evening sitting on my couch and watching the Notre Dame game. Then I was paged to ensure that I would attend my weekly trivia game with the promise that the game would be on right next to our table. That, and a mistimed fake punt (do you really need to do that three minutes into the game?) sent me across the street to play trivia. We should have won but came up just short. On the plus side, I ended up winning enough money that I drank for free, which is all one can hope for in life.
I’m going to take a little break from writing about the concerts in particular and spend a little time talking about something that has been bothering me while writing about the shows. This is the third straight year where I’ve done a detailed year-end analysis of the shows and it has historically been one of my most enjoyable things to write. I don’t know if it is fun to read but I always looked forward to it. This year though it has been more of a struggle and I think it shows. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.
I think the main reason is that when I listed my top shows for the year the only person who I had never seen before this year was Aimee Mann. All of the other shows were from artists I have seen before, often a number of times. And to be honest, Aimee was the only person I saw who made me drop everything and start picking up their entire catalog. So that is part of it, I just didn’t come across mainstream acts that caught my fancy.
But the bigger one is that I didn’t come across an act I had never heard of who then became my favorite band. That is really unusual because in the past couple of years it has been a constant that I would see an unknown opening act who would become one of my favorite bands before the end of their set. You had The Ditty Bops with their vaudeville shtick meshing with some wonderful music. When The Brunettes opened for The Shins I thought they were just a silly little band but by the end I was having their discs shipped to me from New Zealand. Even Immaculate Machine was just an opening act that caught my attention. And the biggest one is The Frames, a band whose show I almost skipped and has since become the soundtrack to my life.
It’s tough to describe just how incredible and inspiring finding these gems of a band is. There is something about watching a set where you have no preset feelings at all about the group. You don’t know a single song or what they might sound like but you give them a song or two to convince you they are worth your time. And when they prove that they are worthwhile it’s just this massive thrill that you know something that no one else knows. I’m not sure why that didn’t happen this year other than it just was an odd year for shows. Maybe it was just a cyclical thing. I hope that this year will have some better pickings.
Anyway, I promised in my monthly report that I would list my historic albums of the year. This year’s winner goes to Beth Orton’s “Comfort of Strangers”, a disc that always seems to find its way back into my CD player. It barely beat out Neko Case’s “Fox Confessor Brings the Flood”, which I love but it still feels to me that there are too many tracks on the disc that are ideas of songs rather than songs themselves. There were a few other good but uneven discs (Damien Rice’s “9”, Alejandro Escovedo “The Boxing Mirror”) and one favorite that I would have no qualms listing as the best but just doesn’t feel right (Jon Dee Graham’s “Full”). Anyway, here is the historic list, going back to 1991, which is when I bought my first CD player.
2006: Beth Orton “Comfort of Strangers”
2005: Josh Rouse “Nashville”
2004: Tift Merritt “Tambourine”
2003: Jack Johnson “On and On”
2002: Wilco “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot”
2001: Gillian Welch “Time (The Revelator)”
2000: Neko Case and Her Boyfriends “Furnace Room Lullaby”
1999: Kelly Willis “What I Deserve”
1998: Liz Phair “Whitechocolatespaceegg”
1997: Beth Orton “Trailer Park”
1996: Lyle Lovett “The Road to Ensenada”
1995: Son Volt “Trace”
1994: Jeff Buckley “Grace”
1993: Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream”
1992: R.E.M. “Automatic for the People”
1991: U2 “Achtung Baby”
I’m going to take a little break from writing about the concerts in particular and spend a little time talking about something that has been bothering me while writing about the shows. This is the third straight year where I’ve done a detailed year-end analysis of the shows and it has historically been one of my most enjoyable things to write. I don’t know if it is fun to read but I always looked forward to it. This year though it has been more of a struggle and I think it shows. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.
I think the main reason is that when I listed my top shows for the year the only person who I had never seen before this year was Aimee Mann. All of the other shows were from artists I have seen before, often a number of times. And to be honest, Aimee was the only person I saw who made me drop everything and start picking up their entire catalog. So that is part of it, I just didn’t come across mainstream acts that caught my fancy.
But the bigger one is that I didn’t come across an act I had never heard of who then became my favorite band. That is really unusual because in the past couple of years it has been a constant that I would see an unknown opening act who would become one of my favorite bands before the end of their set. You had The Ditty Bops with their vaudeville shtick meshing with some wonderful music. When The Brunettes opened for The Shins I thought they were just a silly little band but by the end I was having their discs shipped to me from New Zealand. Even Immaculate Machine was just an opening act that caught my attention. And the biggest one is The Frames, a band whose show I almost skipped and has since become the soundtrack to my life.
It’s tough to describe just how incredible and inspiring finding these gems of a band is. There is something about watching a set where you have no preset feelings at all about the group. You don’t know a single song or what they might sound like but you give them a song or two to convince you they are worth your time. And when they prove that they are worthwhile it’s just this massive thrill that you know something that no one else knows. I’m not sure why that didn’t happen this year other than it just was an odd year for shows. Maybe it was just a cyclical thing. I hope that this year will have some better pickings.
Anyway, I promised in my monthly report that I would list my historic albums of the year. This year’s winner goes to Beth Orton’s “Comfort of Strangers”, a disc that always seems to find its way back into my CD player. It barely beat out Neko Case’s “Fox Confessor Brings the Flood”, which I love but it still feels to me that there are too many tracks on the disc that are ideas of songs rather than songs themselves. There were a few other good but uneven discs (Damien Rice’s “9”, Alejandro Escovedo “The Boxing Mirror”) and one favorite that I would have no qualms listing as the best but just doesn’t feel right (Jon Dee Graham’s “Full”). Anyway, here is the historic list, going back to 1991, which is when I bought my first CD player.
2006: Beth Orton “Comfort of Strangers”
2005: Josh Rouse “Nashville”
2004: Tift Merritt “Tambourine”
2003: Jack Johnson “On and On”
2002: Wilco “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot”
2001: Gillian Welch “Time (The Revelator)”
2000: Neko Case and Her Boyfriends “Furnace Room Lullaby”
1999: Kelly Willis “What I Deserve”
1998: Liz Phair “Whitechocolatespaceegg”
1997: Beth Orton “Trailer Park”
1996: Lyle Lovett “The Road to Ensenada”
1995: Son Volt “Trace”
1994: Jeff Buckley “Grace”
1993: Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream”
1992: R.E.M. “Automatic for the People”
1991: U2 “Achtung Baby”
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2006 Concerts: Part Two
Time to continue with the concert review, this time with some shows from the great state of Missouri. I’ll try to show a little more enthusiasm in this post. As many people know, I had to write my Year-End Review email this weekend which I think clocked in at ten pages and pretty much has left me running on empty from a creative standpoint. That and the fact that I actually have to start working again and facing a slog to a cubicle is never something one finds inspiring. Anyway, more concerts that I vaguely remember
Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club (Kansas City, MO)
1) Richard Buckner (Opening Act: Some guy whose name I didn’t catch): Richard was accompanied on this set by one of the guys from Guided by Voices. I would not want to try to play guitar with Richard as his shows are lacking in a few aspects. Like breaks between songs. Or stage banter. Hell, Richard hasn’t written a song with a chorus in eight years. The guy (whose name I am just too lazy to look up right now) played the set with just pages of notes in front of him so he could keep up. Still, a fun show and different than his usual set (which I’ll be talking about in a minute).
2) Garrison Starr: A while ago my mom asked me what type of music I’ve been listening to recently. Thinking better of having to define the entire “No Depression” genre I went, “I’ve been listening to a lot of girls play guitar.” It’s kind of a shorthand for the incredible number of female singer-songwriters that I have in my CD collection. For some reason I seem to be drawn to this music, maybe it’s because of the emotional content, maybe it’s because any woman playing guitar on stage immediately becomes attractive to me. Take your pick. Garrison falls into this category with her southern drawl and attitude and interesting songs. (Side note: I recall being yelled at by someone in the crowd at this show because I was standing. I apologize for actually being, you know, interested in the band.)
3) Patrice Pike (Opening Act: Ginger Leigh): Patrice is one of my favorite voices in the Austin music scene and much to my dismay, finished middle of the pack on Rock Star: Supernova. I’m not quite sure how she would have performed in a band with Tommy Lee. Or exactly why she would want to be in a band with Tommy Lee. Great music from her solo work as well as her days in Sister Seven.
4) Jon Dee Graham: I’ll talk about this more at number seven…
5) Richard Buckner: I’ve described his shows before but I’ll repeat it again. The stage is bare except for a chair and two guitars. While the crowd is mulling about he stumbles to the stage and seemingly starts tuning. Except that he isn’t, he’s started the show and they haven’t turned off the house music yet. He starts the first song and when he finishes he starts looping a guitar part. With the loop playing in the background he puts down the guitar and picks up the other one and starts playing the next song. This goes on for an entire set. After the last song he just has a loop playing in the background as he walks off stage. After we cheer him back he plugs back in, plays an encore and says the only words he’s spoken to the crowd the entire time “Thanks, you’ve guys have been great. Good night.” I have all of his music and even I can’t tell where songs start or end. It’s as bizarre a show that you ever could see.
6) Alejando Escovedo: It’s always great to see Alejandro on stage. As sick as he has been in recent years, the fact that he is back on tour and putting on killer live sets makes life worthwhile. This show didn’t match last years two night bill mainly because those were probably in the top five shows I’ve ever seen in my life. Still, there are very few shows you can ever see where the band will break into The Stooges “I Wanna Be Your Dog” and feature a cello solo in the middle of it.
7) Jon Dee Graham: One of the reasons why Alejandro’s show wasn’t at its peak is that Jon Dee (his usual guitarist) was touring in support of his solo disc. And man, what a great disc and show it is. With a gravely growl of a voice he’ll sing a song about abandoning your car and disappearing without a trace and then follow it up with a song about how it’s a big, sweet life. In between he tells the funniest stories imaginable and you spend more time laughing than anything. Hell, at one point in the show he fired his backup band in order to invite strangers in the crowd to play with him. (The strangers being the local legends, The Gaslights). He is a talent that is woefully underappreciated.
8) Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys (Opening Act: Switch Hitter): If I remember correctly, Switch Hitter’s lead singer was a guy in drag. Actually, I really hope that I am remembering that correctly. If I imagined it then I probably should up my medication. Rex Hobart is a KC act, though I first saw him back when I was spending all of my time at Fitzgerald’s in Berwyn. I think every song he has written is about drinking and heartbreak and drinking because of heartbreak. Basically whenever you ask yourself “Why isn’t she returning my calls?” it’s time to break out Rex’s CDs.
9) The Gaslights (Opening Act: The Expassionates): My New Year’s Eve show, marking the third straight year that I rang in the new year at Davey’s. Just a good rockabilly band featuring one of my former bartenders. They’re a talented bunch, my bartending brethren. Mainly, I just like spending New Year’s Eve listening to good music in a fun atmosphere where the fact that I don’t have a date isn’t the end of the world.
Uptown Theater (Kansas City, MO)
1) Robert Randolph and the Family Band (Opening Act: “Something” Soul): Yeah, I was rather lazy in getting the names of opening acts this year. Mainly because they were rather forgettable. Now I like Robert Randolph as he is one of the best pedal steel players out there and he does things with it that I didn’t think were possible. But this show fell into my dreaded jam band category where even someone like Bela Fleck (who might be the most talented musician alive) becomes incredibly boring to me after an hour. I care less about musical technicianship than I do about emotions and lyrics. So while this was a good show I’ve realized I just can’t stand solo after solo.
2) Wilco (Opening Act: Mess Hall): Wilco is on my short list of best bands on the planet and much like I’ve said about Jay Farrar, over the past decade I’ve probably not gone more than two weeks without listening to a Jeff Tweedy song. On the plus side, I’m happy to see that Wilco is now at the point where they can sell out the Uptown. However, this means that there are a lot of people at the show who don’t appreciate the music and for some reason think that Wilco is a great band to get drunk to. Doesn’t make sense to me at all. Great set and really the only way to appreciate the album “A Ghost is Born” is to see the band live. The songs make a lot more sense in that content.
3) Lyle Lovett and his Large Band: One of the reasons I go to concerts is that occasionally they send a chill up my spine. This show did early on with a song I had never heard before. It started with four people on stage and every once in a while another person would step on stage and start playing until it ended with seventeen people joining in. You didn’t really notice it until it was complete and it was damn impressive. I like Lyle, who has always been his own man and can write a song better than almost anyone else on the planet. People get on him for his look but he ended up with Julia Roberts. Can’t argue with success.
Knuckleheads Saloon (Kansas City, MO)
1) The Iguanas: One of my favorite bands from New Orleans who I have seen numerous times over the years. Caught this show during one of those down times in my life and as they usually do, they helped bring me out of my funk. It was also great to talk to the guys in the band between sets and they encouraged me to get back down to Nola and help out. I still don’t think I’ve done enough for that town (given all that it has done for me) but this show helped me realize that what I loved about the place was still there.
That’s it for tonight. One more to go though that might take a few days. Tomorrow night is Notre Dame-LSU and well, that is going to be my focus for the night. And I probably won’t be able to focus by the end of it…
Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club (Kansas City, MO)
1) Richard Buckner (Opening Act: Some guy whose name I didn’t catch): Richard was accompanied on this set by one of the guys from Guided by Voices. I would not want to try to play guitar with Richard as his shows are lacking in a few aspects. Like breaks between songs. Or stage banter. Hell, Richard hasn’t written a song with a chorus in eight years. The guy (whose name I am just too lazy to look up right now) played the set with just pages of notes in front of him so he could keep up. Still, a fun show and different than his usual set (which I’ll be talking about in a minute).
2) Garrison Starr: A while ago my mom asked me what type of music I’ve been listening to recently. Thinking better of having to define the entire “No Depression” genre I went, “I’ve been listening to a lot of girls play guitar.” It’s kind of a shorthand for the incredible number of female singer-songwriters that I have in my CD collection. For some reason I seem to be drawn to this music, maybe it’s because of the emotional content, maybe it’s because any woman playing guitar on stage immediately becomes attractive to me. Take your pick. Garrison falls into this category with her southern drawl and attitude and interesting songs. (Side note: I recall being yelled at by someone in the crowd at this show because I was standing. I apologize for actually being, you know, interested in the band.)
3) Patrice Pike (Opening Act: Ginger Leigh): Patrice is one of my favorite voices in the Austin music scene and much to my dismay, finished middle of the pack on Rock Star: Supernova. I’m not quite sure how she would have performed in a band with Tommy Lee. Or exactly why she would want to be in a band with Tommy Lee. Great music from her solo work as well as her days in Sister Seven.
4) Jon Dee Graham: I’ll talk about this more at number seven…
5) Richard Buckner: I’ve described his shows before but I’ll repeat it again. The stage is bare except for a chair and two guitars. While the crowd is mulling about he stumbles to the stage and seemingly starts tuning. Except that he isn’t, he’s started the show and they haven’t turned off the house music yet. He starts the first song and when he finishes he starts looping a guitar part. With the loop playing in the background he puts down the guitar and picks up the other one and starts playing the next song. This goes on for an entire set. After the last song he just has a loop playing in the background as he walks off stage. After we cheer him back he plugs back in, plays an encore and says the only words he’s spoken to the crowd the entire time “Thanks, you’ve guys have been great. Good night.” I have all of his music and even I can’t tell where songs start or end. It’s as bizarre a show that you ever could see.
6) Alejando Escovedo: It’s always great to see Alejandro on stage. As sick as he has been in recent years, the fact that he is back on tour and putting on killer live sets makes life worthwhile. This show didn’t match last years two night bill mainly because those were probably in the top five shows I’ve ever seen in my life. Still, there are very few shows you can ever see where the band will break into The Stooges “I Wanna Be Your Dog” and feature a cello solo in the middle of it.
7) Jon Dee Graham: One of the reasons why Alejandro’s show wasn’t at its peak is that Jon Dee (his usual guitarist) was touring in support of his solo disc. And man, what a great disc and show it is. With a gravely growl of a voice he’ll sing a song about abandoning your car and disappearing without a trace and then follow it up with a song about how it’s a big, sweet life. In between he tells the funniest stories imaginable and you spend more time laughing than anything. Hell, at one point in the show he fired his backup band in order to invite strangers in the crowd to play with him. (The strangers being the local legends, The Gaslights). He is a talent that is woefully underappreciated.
8) Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys (Opening Act: Switch Hitter): If I remember correctly, Switch Hitter’s lead singer was a guy in drag. Actually, I really hope that I am remembering that correctly. If I imagined it then I probably should up my medication. Rex Hobart is a KC act, though I first saw him back when I was spending all of my time at Fitzgerald’s in Berwyn. I think every song he has written is about drinking and heartbreak and drinking because of heartbreak. Basically whenever you ask yourself “Why isn’t she returning my calls?” it’s time to break out Rex’s CDs.
9) The Gaslights (Opening Act: The Expassionates): My New Year’s Eve show, marking the third straight year that I rang in the new year at Davey’s. Just a good rockabilly band featuring one of my former bartenders. They’re a talented bunch, my bartending brethren. Mainly, I just like spending New Year’s Eve listening to good music in a fun atmosphere where the fact that I don’t have a date isn’t the end of the world.
Uptown Theater (Kansas City, MO)
1) Robert Randolph and the Family Band (Opening Act: “Something” Soul): Yeah, I was rather lazy in getting the names of opening acts this year. Mainly because they were rather forgettable. Now I like Robert Randolph as he is one of the best pedal steel players out there and he does things with it that I didn’t think were possible. But this show fell into my dreaded jam band category where even someone like Bela Fleck (who might be the most talented musician alive) becomes incredibly boring to me after an hour. I care less about musical technicianship than I do about emotions and lyrics. So while this was a good show I’ve realized I just can’t stand solo after solo.
2) Wilco (Opening Act: Mess Hall): Wilco is on my short list of best bands on the planet and much like I’ve said about Jay Farrar, over the past decade I’ve probably not gone more than two weeks without listening to a Jeff Tweedy song. On the plus side, I’m happy to see that Wilco is now at the point where they can sell out the Uptown. However, this means that there are a lot of people at the show who don’t appreciate the music and for some reason think that Wilco is a great band to get drunk to. Doesn’t make sense to me at all. Great set and really the only way to appreciate the album “A Ghost is Born” is to see the band live. The songs make a lot more sense in that content.
3) Lyle Lovett and his Large Band: One of the reasons I go to concerts is that occasionally they send a chill up my spine. This show did early on with a song I had never heard before. It started with four people on stage and every once in a while another person would step on stage and start playing until it ended with seventeen people joining in. You didn’t really notice it until it was complete and it was damn impressive. I like Lyle, who has always been his own man and can write a song better than almost anyone else on the planet. People get on him for his look but he ended up with Julia Roberts. Can’t argue with success.
Knuckleheads Saloon (Kansas City, MO)
1) The Iguanas: One of my favorite bands from New Orleans who I have seen numerous times over the years. Caught this show during one of those down times in my life and as they usually do, they helped bring me out of my funk. It was also great to talk to the guys in the band between sets and they encouraged me to get back down to Nola and help out. I still don’t think I’ve done enough for that town (given all that it has done for me) but this show helped me realize that what I loved about the place was still there.
That’s it for tonight. One more to go though that might take a few days. Tomorrow night is Notre Dame-LSU and well, that is going to be my focus for the night. And I probably won’t be able to focus by the end of it…
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