1:43 P.M.: And coming to you live from the Battling the Current Sports Compound, it’s time for the NFC championship between my beloved Chicago Bears and the hated New Orleans Saints. Yep, I’m booing the Saints. I’m probably going to hell for this.
1:44 P.M.: And yes, I am alone watching this game. That’s mainly because people can’t stand being next to a Bears fan who will be screaming at the television during the coin toss.
1:45 P.M.: Well, technically I’m not alone. I’m just not sure how to classify the life size cardboard cutout of Mike Ditka that is joining me for today’s game. When some people have problems they consult family or friends. Me, I ask Coach Ditka for advice. What’s that Coach Ditka? I agree, a bratwurst sounds good for a pre-game snack.
1:50 P.M.: For those wondering, this is another attempt at live blogging. I’ll watch the game and make my comments and since I have a strong emotional investment in this game (with both teams) it might get a little heated.
1:52 P.M.: Advice to that American Idol loser singing the national anthem: shave the neck beard. You look like a hobbit.
2:04 P.M.: This is basically all I can hope for in a Bears playoff game. It’s cold, there’s snow on the ground and the wind is howling. Now all we need is a huge amount of fog and we’ll be ready to game. It’s still weird watching the Bears play in the spaceship version of Soldier Field. I haven’t seen a game in the new stadium and I bet it is a much better fan experience but architecturally speaking, they took something that looked classic and turned it into a bit of a high-tech mess that doesn’t match anything else on the lakefront.
2:10 P.M.: Bears defense holds after a long pass play. Actually, that was just a damn good catch by Henderson. Punt went into the end zone, which at times makes me happy in that Hester isn’t returning it. He’ll either score a touchdown or fumble. And sometimes both on the same play.
2:14 P.M.: I find it very hard to face the fact that essentially my entire worth as a person right now is riding on the arm of a guy named Rex. It’s just not the type of name you want in a quarterback. A depression era gumshoe detective, yes, quarterback, no. That said, Drew is arguably a girl’s name and what the hell is Peyton anyway? Tom, now there’s a fine name.
2:20 P.M.: For the love of Butkus, fall on the ball. Awesome hit on Brees to cause the fumble but we could have receovered for better field position. Still, Hester had a nice little return.
2:32 P.M.: And this time we get the fumble. If the Bears are going to win the game it’s going to be a result of the defense making plays like that and being essentially a second offensive unit.
2:37 P.M.: You know, the Burger King sacking Matt Hasslebeck is not that impressive. I’m pretty sure that I can. Or hell, his sister-in-law Elizabeth from The View could probably take him down. Bears go for it on fourth down and make it through with the “fake calling a timeout and running up the middle” play.
2:39 P.M.: Damnit Rex, throw the ball lower. Third and goal from the one… and Grossman throws an incomplete. And this time we take the field goal and the Bears have a 3-0 lead.
2:43 P.M.: They’re going to overturn the fumble on the kickoff return on replay. Which is probably good for my friends from New Orleans who are throwing things at their television sets right now.
2:45 P.M.: Wow, that call stood? I’m sorry but the guy’s knee was down before the ball came loose. Now it’s time for the Bears to take advantage of this and build up a bit of a lead.
2:47 P.M.: I haven’t seen this commercial during the game today but I just have to write about it. Orville Reddenbacher has a new commercial out that features Orville out and about and wearing an iPod. Which is interesting since Orville Reddenbacher has been dead for a decade now. You can do an awful lot with animation and computer graphics but in this commercial Orville looks, well, like a ten year old corpse brought to life. He looks like a zombie pitchman, telling you about the benefits of popcorn before breaking down and yelling “Brains!” and reeking havoc on the set. Heck, we could make a whole set of commercials featuring zombies. Let’s call up The It’s Time to Make the Donuts guy, Mr. Whipple, and Charlie the Tuna.
2:51 P.M.: Another field goal for the Bears. 6-0 lead though I would like to see a touchdown, or a first down, at some point in the game.
2:58 P.M.: Ok, I have to admit the FedEx commercial was pretty cool. I’d like to work in an office where “Folding under pressure”, “Not living up to your resume” and “constantly waffling” were job titles. Just need to add the “guy who takes naps during meetings” and I’m there.
3:01 P.M.: Cedric Benson is finally showing why we used a first round draft pick on the guy. He’s a north-south runner that is just made for this type of weather. Bears are knocking on the end zone once again. But we can’t get anything to happen so it’s another Robbie Gould field goal to make it a 9-0 game. Yep, lots of excitement out here on the lakefront.
3:06 P.M.: Dude, I so can’t believe that Kumar is a terrorist on 24. All this time I just thought that he wanted to go to White Castle…
3:12 P.M.: You know, I always enjoy the crowd shots at Bears games. It’s not just that everyone in the crowd is wearing a jersey, just in case they need to be called on to play at any given moment. It’s the fact that half the jerseys are for players that haven’t played in decades. You’ll always see Payton and Singletary and McMahon jerseys, along with some classic Butkus and Sayers throwbacks. To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if they showed someone in a Tom Waddle jersey in the second half.
3:16 P.M.: Bears are just running downhill right now. With two big running backs and a beat up field, this might be a way to take control of the game. Oh and can someone tell me what the deal is with the football playing robot that Fox feels it needs to bring out at any given moment? Are they just prepping us for the future where we will no longer have to deal with pesky humans playing football? Which, if I remember correctly, was a plot point in an episode of The Jetsons.
3:21 P.M.: Touchdown Thomas Jones! Now that’s what I wanted to see! Gives us a nice 16-0 lead without having to throw the ball. Not that it is the best way to run an offense but at this point, I’ll take what I can get.
3:30 P.M.: And the Saints take the ball and run the two minute offense to perfection to make it a 16-7 game. I was expecting to give up a field goal as a result of the damn prevent defense, not a touchdown. Game just got a little closer than I like.
3:41 P.M.: For a pre-taped report, Brian Balldinger may have done the absolute worst job I have ever seen done by a sideline reporter. How the hell can you have a half dozen flubs in a pre-taped report? Can’t you at least go, “Can we shoot this again so I don’t say “uh” a half-dozen times and look like a complete dumbass.”
3:56 P.M.: Man I hate Reggie Bush. He goes ninety yards untouched to make it a 16-14 game. It was a great play, though. He just snuck in behind the defense and there wasn’t a chance in the world to stop him. This is going to be an interesting game.
3:57 P.M.: Story from yesterday that I feel like sharing. While running errands I ended up at Best Buy and was able to pick up “Pump Up the Volume” on DVD for four bucks. It’s really tough to pass up an offer like that, if only because it helps me to fill out my ultimate Gen X movie collection. Watching the film last night it strikes me as seemingly brilliant and full of plot holes at the same time. As a kid I just was thrilled by the cynicism and didn’t bother to ask why there were only five teachers in the entire school. Or why the girl takes her shirt off in the one scene. Not complaining, but it was like, “Well, it’s a teen comedy. Throw in a handful of boobs.”
4:01 P.M.: Rex Grossman is killing me right now. He seems to complete a pass about every other drive. Saints have the ball back and a chance to drive and take the lead.
4:11 P.M.: After a couple of scary moments (can we please stop someone on third down?) the Saints miss a field goal. Now it’s time for the Bears offense to…to…I’m going to go out on a limb and say “run the ball up the middle.”
4:12 P.M.: Oh, and what other errands did I run this weekend? Picked up a new shower curtain, a mop, and a whiteboard for my home office. I swear, my life is one half youthful indiscretion and one half middle aged doldrums. It’s nice having a whiteboard at home, don’t even have one of those at work. Not quite sure why I picked it up but I assume that it will come in handy at some point.
4:18 P.M.: And score two points for the defense! Personally, I like the fact that the Bears got that call by having several large men surround the referee to complain until he throws the flag. Like I said earlier, this is a game where we will need the defense to score some points. Right now, I’d be happy for a field goal on this drive just so we’ll be back to a touchdown lead.
4:22 P.M.: Or a first down. A first down would be nice.
4:29 P.M.: After two good passes by Grossman we’re into the fourth quarter. Fifteen minutes away from Miami and the George Halas Trophy. And it’s that damn Ben Seaver commercial again. Followed by John Mellencamp telling me that this is our country. You know, sometimes I hate television.
4:30 P.M.: Better take that last sentence back given that, you know, my blog and pretty much my entire lifestyle is dependent on television.
4:32 P.M.: Every once in a while Rex looks like a quarterback and that was just one of those times. Touchdown Berrian who may have been the first guy I’ve ever seen do a backwards summersault into the end zone. This of course leads to the crowd breaking into a rendition of “Bear Down Chicago Bears”, which is the only fight song in the history of sports to make a specific point of giving props to an offensive formation.
4:37 P.M.: That should be a fumble recovery by the Bears. If they considered it a fumble then Ogunlye was down by contact thanks to former Domer Jeff Faine. You want to get a sense of how America has changed in the past twenty years? The Bears have gone from having guys named Hampton and Dent on their defensive line to having guys named Ogunlye. That’s just awesome.
4:40 P.M.: Here’s what cool about high-def, when I looked up from my laptop it looked like it was snowing in my living room. Though given the state of my apartment that might actually be the case.
4:44 P.M.: And Benson pounds it up the middle for another touchdown! If the Bears go to the Super Bowl, it should be a result of them playing incredible defense in the snow. It’s just the way the world works. With an eighteen point lead I am currently “cautiously optimistic”. It’s kind of like with the White Sox, when I was just waiting for them to declare the World Series a best of thirteen contest. That always happens to Chicago.
4:50 P.M.: Nice interception by Vasher. While Drew Brees isn’t having a great game he has just had an incredible season and is one of the main reasons the Saints made it this far. This is made even more amazing by the fact that he had shoulder surgery a year ago for a torn labrum and rotator cuff. I have no idea how what he has done is even physically possible. I separated my shoulder and tore some of the muscles nine years ago and when I woke up this morning I went, “Man, does my shoulder hurt.”
5:00 P.M.: And with seven and a half minutes left in the game the Bears crowd has started singing, “Sha na na na, Sha na na na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye.” This is a nearly thirty year old tradition at any Chicago sporting event where you have a large number of guys from the South Side present. We’re not sure why we took a vaguely disco song as our citywide theme song. It’s just one of those things that made sense at the time.
5:03 P.M.: I’ll say this about the Saints and it comes from one of my friends who is from New Orleans. And I’ll get back to this after mentioning a brilliant Thomas Jones cutback that results in another touchdown. Even I’m pretty much calling this ball game.
5:04 P.M.: Anyway, in talking with Jim the Bartender on Friday night about the Saints he gave me his view on the matter. Basically, no one in their right mind thought that the Saints would be in this position. He was hoping that the team would be competitive, definitely not winning a division or a playoff team. They exceeded every single expectation that they had. And in doing so, they brought a lot of light and attention to the situation that still exists in New Orleans. It’s amazing how quickly this country forgets that sixteen months ago this country lost a major city as well as one of its cultural touchstones. People don’t realize that 80% of the city was under water, that 80,000 homes were uninhabitable with everything inside destroyed, and that half of the residents still haven’t been able to come home. The Saints’ miracle season has had two unintended consequences. First of all, it gave the residents of Nola a release. The city isn’t a ghost town nor is everything back to normal. It’s a place going through a really hard time. And to have the team they follow religiously make a dramatic run into contention is a ray of hope. The other point is that with every game people are reminded that the city still isn’t rebuilt and that so much more help is needed. And that is something that should never be forgotten.
5:17 P.M.: And that’s the game. The Bears are going to the Super Bowl! I’ll do this again in two weeks when I’ll also get to make fun of commercials. Right now, I’m just going to blare Super Bowl Shuffle for the next two hours.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) De La Soul “3 Feet High and Rising”
2) The Jayhawks “Sound of Lies”
3) Freedy Johnston “This Perfect World”
4) Po’ Girl “Vagabond Lullabies”
5) The V-Roys “Just Add Ice”
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