(Since it was asked I’ll have to say that I got even more drenched on Saturday than I did at the West Virginia game but the bigger thing was that it was a different kind of soaking. The West Virginia game was just a long, slow, agonizing drenching that sucked the life out of you but never made you think about leaving the game. This was like having a bucket of water dumped over your head and then being dropped in a wind tunnel. It was honestly the first time I had ever feared for my safety at a sporting event. After all my time in Kansas when the wind picks up that quickly you start looking for the storm cellar. Anyway, on to more pressing matters.)
Time once again to learn the secrets of the Matador. And of Mystery. And of…Tara? Seriously, couldn’t we have given her a cool name like Vixen or something? Also, I wish to have a special episode focusing on how the economic downturn impacts my pick up habits. Should I be more inclined to buy drinks for women as it shows my financial strength? Should I leave a date early by casually mentioning that I need to be at work in the morning? These are vital questions to me.
Episode 6: Those sure look like some ripe melons.
When last we left the five lions of Voltron they were learning how to attract the hired guns. Black Lion Simeon set up a date with a bikini model for a pedicure, Blue Lion Rian questioned his desire to continue on the quest and Yellow Lion Brian was ejected from the team because the Yellow Lion is totally lame. Seriously, who wants to pilot a Yellow Lion? How will are four contestants perform this week. Will any of them be able to wield their magic sword? Only time will tell.
As always we start at the elimination ceremony. Less tears this time around as people start thinking about strategy. The fact that this is a game show about picking up women makes it a very strange dynamic. It’s not like Top Chef where there is a marketable skill being contested. Also, one of them makes a Fantastic Four reference thus resulting in them spending the rest of the night discussing who gets to be Invisible Girl (I’m sorry, I mean Invisible Woman.)
We get what is my favorite challenge of the season: the picking up woman in the supermarket. Sadly, Mystery’s advice as to how to do this is unnecessarily vague. “Don’t get too close”, “tone down your game”, “avoid using negs”. That doesn’t help me. I want pick up lines that reference Tang. I want strategies involving airborne grape assaults. More than anything I want to see if this can possibly work without a restraining order being filed because if so it will make my next trip to Trader Joe’s a lot more interesting.
Matt, other than one decent line, essentially just goes shopping. If you filmed me during my usual trip to the grocery store that is what you would have seen. Rian, who is the person in the show most like me, is a lot more comfortable in a grocery store than a club. I can relate to that; I’m not someone who works well when he has to be on. He just coolly and calmly starts talking to a few women, turns an application of moisturizer into an excuse to play with a girl’s hands, and ends up getting some numbers out of the deal. Damn impressive. I’d be thrilled if I could do that on a regular basis.
Simeon decides to talk to the vegetables as opposed to the woman he is trying to pick up and as a result doesn’t even stop talking as she walks away. He then goes up to another girl, forces a number out of her, and hugs her and kisses her in a scene that creeps even me out. Greg does little more than chit chat and ends up looking like how I assume that I often look: hovering near an attractive woman, quivering with anticipation but never actually moving from the spot that my feet seem to be welded to. Rian wins and it isn’t even a question.
Lesson time as we work on the importance of being a wingman. Goose! Sorry, force of habit. This is Matador’s strong suit as he explains how to quickly build up your wingman in a conversation while also removing any obstacles standing in his way. Note the use of phrase there. They do not flat out explain how to screen off her friends (including the bitter girl who doesn’t want to be there in the first place) in order for your buddy to make out with the hot one but that is pretty much the entire point. For winning the first challenge, Rian gets to choose his wingman and chooses Greg as his wing. That leaves Simeon and Matt as our other team. Two teams enter. One team leaves. The other is probably maced. Especially since the stated goal tonight is a makeout session.
Rian takes the lead and opens for his team. I’m trying to think of the proper metaphor here. Ok, Rian is playing the Robert Gibson role in the fabled tag team of the Rock and Roll Express in answering the opening bell before tagging out to his partner Greg who is emulating Ricky Morton. Given that Ricky Morton always got his ass kicked for twenty minutes in every match maybe that isn’t such a great strategy.
But like the four time World Champion Rock and Roll Express they work like a charm. Rian gets the girls to the booth. Greg isolates and after some small talk and a rather slick move starts a makeout session. Rian works with two girls, getting himself placed between them and momentarily living out one of my favorite moments as the possibility of punches being thrown becomes palatable. Rian is so close to making out with two women at once that it scares him to death and he can’t close. Yeah, I’m embarrassed for him.
Matt and Simeon work the crazy guy, straight man routine and it works really well. They actually hit the ball out of the park with both getting some decent makeout sessions. Bonus points to Simeon who when he saw Matt lagging behind made sure to build him up to make sure that everything went according to plan. Matt and Simeon win due to their teamwork and both are immune from elimination. That leaves Greg and Rian on the chopping block.
Simeon and Matt describe the night as a life changing event. I’m not sure if that is really depressing or not. I guess we all have good nights at the bar that change the way we view the world. The elimination comes down to Greg dumping his wingman to makeout with his girl and Rian not taking the risk and making out with his. Which is the bigger sin? Apparently not making out with the chick as Rian is eliminated. May that be a life lesson for us all.
Next week: Buddies from home and the battle to the final two. More fun abounds.
Time once again to learn the secrets of the Matador. And of Mystery. And of…Tara? Seriously, couldn’t we have given her a cool name like Vixen or something? Also, I wish to have a special episode focusing on how the economic downturn impacts my pick up habits. Should I be more inclined to buy drinks for women as it shows my financial strength? Should I leave a date early by casually mentioning that I need to be at work in the morning? These are vital questions to me.
Episode 6: Those sure look like some ripe melons.
When last we left the five lions of Voltron they were learning how to attract the hired guns. Black Lion Simeon set up a date with a bikini model for a pedicure, Blue Lion Rian questioned his desire to continue on the quest and Yellow Lion Brian was ejected from the team because the Yellow Lion is totally lame. Seriously, who wants to pilot a Yellow Lion? How will are four contestants perform this week. Will any of them be able to wield their magic sword? Only time will tell.
As always we start at the elimination ceremony. Less tears this time around as people start thinking about strategy. The fact that this is a game show about picking up women makes it a very strange dynamic. It’s not like Top Chef where there is a marketable skill being contested. Also, one of them makes a Fantastic Four reference thus resulting in them spending the rest of the night discussing who gets to be Invisible Girl (I’m sorry, I mean Invisible Woman.)
We get what is my favorite challenge of the season: the picking up woman in the supermarket. Sadly, Mystery’s advice as to how to do this is unnecessarily vague. “Don’t get too close”, “tone down your game”, “avoid using negs”. That doesn’t help me. I want pick up lines that reference Tang. I want strategies involving airborne grape assaults. More than anything I want to see if this can possibly work without a restraining order being filed because if so it will make my next trip to Trader Joe’s a lot more interesting.
Matt, other than one decent line, essentially just goes shopping. If you filmed me during my usual trip to the grocery store that is what you would have seen. Rian, who is the person in the show most like me, is a lot more comfortable in a grocery store than a club. I can relate to that; I’m not someone who works well when he has to be on. He just coolly and calmly starts talking to a few women, turns an application of moisturizer into an excuse to play with a girl’s hands, and ends up getting some numbers out of the deal. Damn impressive. I’d be thrilled if I could do that on a regular basis.
Simeon decides to talk to the vegetables as opposed to the woman he is trying to pick up and as a result doesn’t even stop talking as she walks away. He then goes up to another girl, forces a number out of her, and hugs her and kisses her in a scene that creeps even me out. Greg does little more than chit chat and ends up looking like how I assume that I often look: hovering near an attractive woman, quivering with anticipation but never actually moving from the spot that my feet seem to be welded to. Rian wins and it isn’t even a question.
Lesson time as we work on the importance of being a wingman. Goose! Sorry, force of habit. This is Matador’s strong suit as he explains how to quickly build up your wingman in a conversation while also removing any obstacles standing in his way. Note the use of phrase there. They do not flat out explain how to screen off her friends (including the bitter girl who doesn’t want to be there in the first place) in order for your buddy to make out with the hot one but that is pretty much the entire point. For winning the first challenge, Rian gets to choose his wingman and chooses Greg as his wing. That leaves Simeon and Matt as our other team. Two teams enter. One team leaves. The other is probably maced. Especially since the stated goal tonight is a makeout session.
Rian takes the lead and opens for his team. I’m trying to think of the proper metaphor here. Ok, Rian is playing the Robert Gibson role in the fabled tag team of the Rock and Roll Express in answering the opening bell before tagging out to his partner Greg who is emulating Ricky Morton. Given that Ricky Morton always got his ass kicked for twenty minutes in every match maybe that isn’t such a great strategy.
But like the four time World Champion Rock and Roll Express they work like a charm. Rian gets the girls to the booth. Greg isolates and after some small talk and a rather slick move starts a makeout session. Rian works with two girls, getting himself placed between them and momentarily living out one of my favorite moments as the possibility of punches being thrown becomes palatable. Rian is so close to making out with two women at once that it scares him to death and he can’t close. Yeah, I’m embarrassed for him.
Matt and Simeon work the crazy guy, straight man routine and it works really well. They actually hit the ball out of the park with both getting some decent makeout sessions. Bonus points to Simeon who when he saw Matt lagging behind made sure to build him up to make sure that everything went according to plan. Matt and Simeon win due to their teamwork and both are immune from elimination. That leaves Greg and Rian on the chopping block.
Simeon and Matt describe the night as a life changing event. I’m not sure if that is really depressing or not. I guess we all have good nights at the bar that change the way we view the world. The elimination comes down to Greg dumping his wingman to makeout with his girl and Rian not taking the risk and making out with his. Which is the bigger sin? Apparently not making out with the chick as Rian is eliminated. May that be a life lesson for us all.
Next week: Buddies from home and the battle to the final two. More fun abounds.
1 comment:
Sad to see that HIMYM is becoming so reliant upon cameos. Barney was pretty funny though. Woooo!
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