There are some lectures I will not be a part of

Something dawned on me while I was at the bar last night. It was one of those nights where the bar staff is giving you unemployment shots and no one believes your stories because they are actually true for once. Anyway, while sitting there, smiling to myself at just how amazingly bizarre my life can be at times, I realized that I was happier about myself and my predicament than I have been in years. At that moment I was just happy to be me. My life is far from perfect but I feel as though I have my confidence back and what happens next is entirely of my own volition. It is such a good feeling. I hope it stays with me.

Anyway, now that I am officially unemployed (even though I think I can still get into my email) I can finally tell the story about the exact moment that I knew that I had to leave my job. I didn’t want to tell this story while I was still working even though it wouldn’t have broken any rules. It has nothing to do with corporate strategy or financial maneuverings or anything that would impact a stock price. It was however a moment where I saw a flashing neon billboard telling me that my company and I were going in opposite directions.

We were in the midst of yet another reorg. In a span of two years I had gone through numerous senior VPs, VPs, directors and managers without ever changing jobs or cubicles. I’d occasionally look up, get handed a new reporting structure, and then lower my head and go back to doing precisely what I was doing before. Sometimes you needed a scorecard to keep up but I was always content knowing that I was doing work that I enjoyed and that people appreciated.

So last summer as part of the latest reorg we had our first all hands meeting with the new senior VP. I didn’t know the guy, never worked for him before, so I really didn’t know what to expect. I took my usual seat in the last row of a windowless conference room with hundreds of other employees and listened to his spiel. It was the usual talk about the future and needing to innovate and how we were to focus on change and become more productive as employees. And one of the keys to becoming more productive? Better Powerpoint slides.

I am not making this up. The next ten minutes of the presentation (remember, this is the first time I had ever heard this guy talk and he was supposed to be inspiring me at the time) were spent discussing how to properly make powerpoint slides. Including helpful hints like “check that words are spelled correctly”, “avoid using too many bullet points”, “make effective use of white space” and “don’t cloud the page with numbers.” I just sat there in shock.

Now, despite the fact that many people rightly call me an arrogant prick I seldom pull rank. I know that I have a lot of pieces of paper that say that I am smart and I don’t need to show them. But I sat there in the last row feeling completely insulted that I had to listen to this. It made me sick to my stomach that I had to sit there and act like I was appreciating this. I have a degree in electrical engineering from one of the top programs in the world. I have an MBA from Notre Dame, a school that I can mention anywhere on this planet and get nods of recognition. I’ve already accomplished more in my life than I ever expected. Yet, I was sitting there listening to someone tell me how to build powerpoint slides.

I could see this talk if everything was going along perfectly but anyone who knew anything understood that the company was in serious trouble. The financials weren’t looking good, we were floundering in the market, and there seemed to be a total lack of direction. I went into that room expecting to hear concrete details about how we were going to proceed and turn the ship around and become the top notch company we should be. Instead I was being lectured on the use of Clip Art.

The only analogy that I could think of at the moment was this. One of my idols is the former UCLA coach John Wooden. He’s one of the best leaders and strategists who ever lived. Bill Walton always tells the story about how at the first practice of the season Wooden would start practice by showing the players how to put on their shoes and socks so they wouldn’t get blisters. At the time Walton thought it was the dumbest thing he ever saw. Later he realized that this was Wooden’s way of emphasizing the importance of doing the little things right so that you can accomplish the big things later. But remember that this was at the first practice of the year. When the team was down eight with three minutes to go he wasn’t telling them how to put on their socks. He was telling them how to win the damn game.

I’ve never in my life seen a leader so completely miss the point. If it wasn’t for the people sitting next to me at the time I would have probably walked out and never looked back. Instead I hung around, did my job, and waited for the next package so that I could walk out the door. Obviously the company and I were of differing opinions as to what was important. And when that is the case I figure it is best to strike out on a new path. Now I just have to choose it.

Oh, and I got an A in my Management Speaking course so I already knew how to build powerpoint slides. What the hell.

Best of 120 Minutes: Maybe this might explain why something as insignificant as ten minutes of a presentation can set me off. This is what I grew up listening to and at the end of the day I am a punk rock kid. Joe Strummer would have left the room I can promise you that.



The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Jayhawks “Tomorrow the Green Grass”
2) Joe Henry “Trampoline”
3) Cowboy Junkies “Rarities, B Sides and Slow, Sad Waltzes”
4) Harry Connick Jr. “We Are In Love”
5) Kelly Willis “Well Traveled Love”