Questions, we've got questions

I’ll end the week with another installment of Infrequently Asked Questions (also known as “I have no idea of a topic right about now”)

Question: So what are your plans for St. Patrick’s Day?
Answer: Working. Yes, that is a sad answer and it is the first time I’ll be working on the big day in many a year. I’ll still go out (and I’m hoping to take off from work a little early) but it’s not an all day event like it has been in the past for me. I’ve described New Year’s Eve as amateur night while I’m a grizzled veteran. Well, let’s say that right now I’m the guy recovering from Tommy John surgery hoping that he’ll have just enough left in the tank when he returns to make the Hall of Fame ballot. I’ve only got a limited number of innings left in me and I have to use them wisely.

Question: Since you’ve answered the age old Ginger vs. Mary Ann question let’s go to the next obvious one, which of the Facts of Life girls would you choose?
Answer: Yowzers. This should be a question for psychological profiling. I’m tempted to go with Jo here just because she could probably change the oil on my car for me. But I’m going to cheat and say I’ll find which school Molly Ringwald transferred to after the first season and see if she is still around.

Question: How long do you think you will last without a job before going completely out of your mind from boredom?
Answer: I’m guessing I’ll be able to make it to Thursday. At that point I will probably be cataloguing my socks in excel in an attempt to do something productive (and trust me, in my mind that would be productive). That’s why I’ll end up writing a book; I’m going to have to do something to fill up the hours.

Question: Speaking of writing, any changes to the blog publishing schedule because of all of this?
Answer: None that I plan on. I’ll still post Sunday through Thursday. Only thing that might change is that I might not keep to the “always in the late evening” schedule that I’ve had for the past four years. In a perfect world I’d be writing earlier in the day while I’m wide awake. Instead I have a feeling that given no set schedule I’m going to return to my night owl tendencies so there may be some late night posts. I just see myself doing job search in the morning and writing in the evening with fun somewhere in between.

Question: Toast always lands butter side down. Cats always land on their feet. If you strap a piece of toast to the back of a cat and the cat jumps off the dining room table what happens?
Answer: As the cat nears the floor an antigravity rotational vortex will form. As the cats feet near parallel to the floor the toast will assert its own force causing the cat to spin in midair. Then, as the toast reaches parallel the cat’s feet will then assert a force. Thus, the cat/toast hybrid will be forever suspended in midair, rotating slowly like a slab of gyro meat.

I believe a girl broke up with me due to my proposing of this experiment. So along with “You’re a jerk” and “You’re too cynical” I’ve also been told “I can’t date anyone who wants to perform theoretical physics experiments on my cat.” Some people just have no respect for the advancement of science.

Question: Any special plans for next week?
Answer: Definitely. Next week marks the 16th anniversary of the recording of one of the greatest albums of all time: Uncle Tupelo’s “March 16-20, 1992”, an album so cool they just named it after the recording session. As a result of this, and in honor of the end of No Depression magazine, each day will feature music by an artist representative of the No Depression banner. Should be fun.