Haven’t done one of these in a while. For those who don’t remember, this is an idea taken from Nick Hornby’s book “Songbook” in which you talk about music less in critical terms and more in terms of what it means to you. Thanks to the wonders of technology I can now ensure that you actually know the song that I am talking about (as in, here is the video)
Music has a funny way of finding you. It’s not as if one can walk into a store, look at a rack of CDs and go “This one is going to speak to me the words that I need to hear.” It doesn’t work that way. Enlightenment comes from odd corners and coincidences and actions taken years earlier.
I’ve mentioned before how I became a fan of Tift Merritt. Well, less of how I became a fan of hers and more how I became aware of her. In a nutshell while leaving a Kelly Willis show I was handed a flyer promoting Tift’s debut record and I noticed that she was very pretty, a fact that was sufficient incentive to give her a listen. How that reasoning works is still a mystery to me but I’m happy for it as Bramble Rose became part of the soundtrack of my life. I followed her career, thought that Tambourine was the album of the year and even had her sign her set list for me, which hangs on my fridge to this day. The worst thing I can say about her is the fact that my inclusion of one of her songs on a mix tape resulted in the recipient saying that she never wanted to speak to me again. Admittedly that was more my fault than Tift’s and she did change her mind (eventually and for reasons I have yet to comprehend).
For the past few years though my fandom really hasn’t had any outlet. Tift disappeared from the scene and though I still listened to her discs and recommended her to friends I didn’t know when or if I would ever hear a follow up. She didn’t really fall off my radar but she was slowly become a voice from my past, tied to a specific part of my life that I had been leaving behind. When I heard recently that she had a new disc coming out I was interested to see what it was like.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I picked it up over the weekend. I wasn’t planning on finding an album explaining what I have been going through the past few years. I certainly didn’t plan on going to sleep with the chorus of “Broken” floating through my ears. But all of this happened as part of a masterful artistic turn for Tift.
In essence, this is an album about finding yourself and needing to break away in order to do so. About realizing that there are times when you have to stop and reassess what is important to you. The story as to how the songs were written seems to have been taken from an old black and white movie. Tired with life on the road, Tift headed off to Paris to live in an apartment with only her guitar and a piano for company. In that environment, free from the noise and headaches that had filled her life she was able to find what was missing and reclaim her music. She even woke up one morning hugging the leg of her piano almost as if in a scene from a movie that has never been made. These epiphanies, these moments of clarity have helped her to create a group of songs that are heartfelt and emotional and just amazing.
If I had heard this album a few years ago I don’t know if I would have appreciated it as much. Maybe in a few years time after my life has resettled I will reassess my feelings. But that first listen made me stop everything I was doing and just listen to Broken on repeat for most of the evening. It is a song that has reached me at the right moment; one of those twists of fate that makes you happy that you are open to them.
Because I don’t know if I’ve listened to anything recently that explains my life quite as well. I’ve woken up to find myself in the midst of a life that isn’t satisfying. It’s as if I look around and wonder how I got here while realizing I’ve reached an age where the phrase “I’ve reached an age” has become very appropriate. All I want to do is stop and find the path that I am meant to be on and get back to being the person I am in my heart. To do what Tift did and chuck it all for a while and just be for a little bit and listen. That’s what I love about this song; the acceptance of what is wrong and knowing that the pieces can be put back together again. “I think I will break but I mend.” I hope that is the case for me.
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