11:04 A.M.: And coming to you live from….I guess my apartment….it’s time for….why am I up again? Oh yeah, the Indy 500.
11:06 A.M.: Damn, out of bloody mary mix. This is going to be a tough morning.
11:08 A.M.: Ok, joking aside, this is once again my attempt to keep a running log of the Indy 500. It’ll be the usual mix of humor, insight and stories from the weekend. Also, I’m simultaneously doing laundry so I’ll probably start talking about that at some point.
11:12 A.M.: Is 11 still technically morning? Not quite sure if it is more correct to say midday. Thanks to Indiana finally going to daylight savings time the race is actually starting an hour later than it has historically, which makes things much nicer. Though it changes a bit of my traditional Indy preparations, which mainly consist of my sitting around and eating junk food all day. I’ve always watched the race and it is just something that I enjoy. It might be a bunch of people turning left but I find it cool.
11:19 A.M.: I’m not sure if it is possible to blog pre-race coverage. We’re twenty minutes into this and it’s been “The Andrettis! Danica Patrick! And a whole bunch of people you have never heard of.”
11:23 A.M.: Was Milka Duno speaking English? Spanish? Esperanto? It would have been better if she was speaking Klingon. Actually, that would be awesome.
11:31 A.M.: George Foreman is going to be on American Inventor! Because he…he… put his name on someone else’s product? Does he have a lot of patents that I’ve never heard about? Not that I fault the George Foreman grill. As a single male, I rely on the George Foreman grill for most of my cooking needs.
11:40 A.M.: Great, they decided to turn on Daughtry’s microphone. They really didn’t need to do that. No one would have complained. In fact, the crowd would have been eternally grateful. Do we need to hear from the 12th best person on American Idol?
11:58 A.M.: Ok, I know that Jim Nabors is not able to sing “Back Home Again in Indiana” this year but does that mean that they are not going to show it at all? There are three songs you have to hear every May: My Old Kentucky Home, Maryland My Maryland, and Back Home Again in Indiana. Those are pretty much the only state songs that I know.
12:04 P.M.: That’s better, they are having the crowd singing it. Though they could have brought Florence Henderson back. She used to sing at every race as well as remind everyone that she is still alive.
12:10 P.M.: Helio Castroneves is already having a bad race and they haven’t even started yet. It’s never a good sign when you can’t get the car to start.
12:22 P.M.: We have our first caution as John Andretti loses a mirror. You’d think that would be important to a car. Thankfully it isn’t Danica’s car as otherwise she wouldn’t be able to put on her makeup.
12:43 P.M.: Another caution as Roberto Moreno is into the wall. Or possibly it was Rita Moreno, it’s difficult to tell.
12:47 P.M.: And now Helio can’t get fuel into his car. This has been a strange race: mirrors falling off, fuel pumps not working. Toss in a flat tire or two and it would be like the entire field is driving my GrandAm.
12:50 P.M.: Hey, the KFC bowls now come with a biscuit. That is such a wonderful product as it consists of literally taking whatever is lying around, throw it all in a bowl and call it a meal. Adding in a biscuit actually classes things up a bit.
12:59 P.M.: From Danica Patrick’s in-car audio…
Crew Chief: “We’re back under caution. Come in to the pits with everyone.”
Danica: “I can’t…”
Crew Chief: “Why?”
Danica: “Well, it might be crowded”
Crew Chief: “Why the hell would that be a problem?”
Danica: “Well I might have to parallel park.”
1:08 P.M.: Yes, I know that I haven’t been talking about the race that much as I am still somewhat sleepy from a very late night. An interesting one though things would have been better if I had a) had a wingman and b) brought something other than my D game. Probably not in that order. Though I did spend most of the night talking to a woman who looked vaguely like Tori Amos so I really have nothing to complain about.
1:12 P.M.: I have realized though that I am back in the same position as I was when I was in my first year of business school. I’ve reverted to being that same shy and insecure guy. Except that now I am a shy and insecure guy with a rather significant bar tab.
1:14 P.M.: In what really isn’t that much of a surprise, Milka Duno crashed. Your second race ever should not be at Indy. My fun Milka story. While grocery shopping yesterday I saw a guy wearing a Milka Duno t-shirt. I’m not making this up. It’s one thing to declare your support of a driver to the world. I understand why someone would want everyone to know that they are a fan of Jeff Gordon or Dale Jr. But why in the world would you want everyone to know that you are a fan of someone who can’t win and can barely drive? Is it because you feel proud to wear a shirt with a picture of a vaguely attractive woman on it? And is Sun Fresh the best place to make that statement?
1:18 P.M.: By the way, I still have an open offer to pay anyone who would do my grocery shopping for me. I consider it to be such a waste of time. Every two weeks I buy exactly the same things and waste an hour of my life walking the aisles. Seriously, anyone willing to do this for me? Grocery shopping is one of the few things in my life that I can’t multitask.
1:23 P.M.: And Dario Franchitti (better known as Mr. Ashley Judd) has taken the lead. Ashley Judd is a very strange type of celebrity. Everyone knows who she is, knows that she is an actress, but no one can ever name a movie that she has been in. It’s always “She was in that one with Greg Kinnear” or “She was in that one with Morgan Freeman”. And it’s not that she is a bad actress or someone that you don’t enjoy watching. There just is something entirely unmemorable about her performance.
1:33 P.M.: In a tradition that is up there with Jim Nabors singing Tomas Shekkter just ran into the back of Sam Hornish. Every single Indy 500 Tomas hits someone or something. Hell, I wouldn’t want to drive next to him in a rental car on the way back to the hotel this evening.
1:42 P.M.: I find it funny that Indy Cars have brake lights. It just seems to be so unnecessary. It would be like putting headlights on a horse drawn buggy.
1:49 P.M.: “The Evolution Will Be Televised”. Not only can I write a better pilot than the caveman show but I certainly could write a better tag line. Or at least one that makes me less disgusted with being a sentient being.
2:08 P.M.: And it’s now raining and the race has been stopped. Tony Kanaan is in the lead and may be the winner depending on if they can get the race restarted. This means that I a) now get to watch people sit in the rain and b) catch up on my sleep.
5:01 P.M.: And we’re back after a three hour rain delay. Or a nap in my case. Though I might start simultaneously blogging Indy and the Coca-Cola 600 at the same time. It’s good that they are going to try to get the race in though it looks like there is another storm coming through and that will probably mark the end of the race.
5:03 P.M.: For those wondering, it’s Kanaan in first, Marco Andretti in second and Danica in third.
5:04 P.M.: Oh, can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet. Did anyone else have a feeling Saturday morning like your beloved had made a horrible mistake? I felt a great disturbance in the force. Like a starlet had her Mercedes jump a curb and get arrested.
5:24 P.M.: Pit stops are exciting in a “Hey cool, they’re getting gas” sort of way. They also should be required to pick up a Big Gulp and some Slim Jims in the process.
5:25 P.M.: Have I ever mentioned my gas station business plan? Getting gas is another one of those things that I do every week that wastes minutes of my life, which has probably turned into several days over my lifetime. But, in Nascar those guys can fill up a tank in seconds. Hence, a gas station filled with Nascar pit crews. Pull in, have these guys run up and in thirty seconds your done. I’d pay more for that.
5:40 P.M.: Tony Kanaan spins out but saves it. He’s pretty much out of it from a race perspective though.
5:47 P.M.: Marco Andretti got airborne but looks to be okay. That’s probably one of the scariest things you can ever watch in seeing one of those cars get up in the air. I saw an interview with drivers once where they asked what they do while they are in the air and they all answered that they still tried to turn the wheel.
5:50 P.M.: And the rain is coming back down and that will probably be the race. And Ashley Judd is now talking about dealing with understeer. That is surprisingly attractive.
5:55 P.M.: So that’s going to be it for me. The race was good while it was going but the rain delay and my lack of sleep has kind of put a damper on things. So congrats to Dario Franchitti who gets to win the Indy 500 and be married to Ashley Judd. Wow. I’d probably retire for the rest of my life based on that accomplishment.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Beth Orton “Daybreaker”
2) Sonny Landreth “Levee Town”
3) Various Artists “Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics”
4) Wilco “Being There”
5) Cirque du Soleil “Varekai”
No comments:
Post a Comment