I need two of every animal (except stink beetles)

One of the things that I like about this town is that when it rains, it freaking rains. For some reason I’ve always liked sitting out and watching a big rainstorm. It’s like having a free fireworks show in your front yard with bright lights and big bangs and no idea what is going to happen next. Sometimes I still do the same thing that I did when I was a little kid; sit out on the porch and just watch the storm go by. Except that when I do it today I tend to have my feet up on a metal railing, something that I have to admit is not the wisest idea I have ever have.

I’m saying all of this because it has been freaking raining from the moment I got back in town today. I was out for most of the weekend so I missed the tornado that took out an entire town as well as a massive storm this morning but still, it has been one thunderstorm after another. And, for a reason that has never been made quite clear to me, this town does not have a working storm sewer system so I’ve been able to watch the street outside my apartment turn into a river all night long. It’s rather fascinating.

Switching gears, I should probably talk about one of my guilty pleasures television shows: Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I do have a valid reason for watching the show in that I am still trying to lose weight and occasionally the show provides me with useful hints. I don’t usually follow them and am now so far behind my workout schedule that it isn’t even funny anymore but still, it’s a start. Mainly it is just an excuse to make fun of D-List celebrities.

(Well, except for Warren G, who is a) on the show and b) someone I really don’t want to joke about. Dude could kick my ass without lifting a finger.)

It is your usual mix of fallen celebrities and people who never were actual celebrities (how does an intern from Leno count as a celebrity?) We have former teen queen Tiffany, who apparently spent a few too many nights at the Orange Julius. I’ll give her credit for at least admitting to her mall celebrity with a straight face. I would launch into anyone who even mentioned that part of my career. We also have Marcia Brady Maureen McCormick. She might have an even tougher life that Tiffany, everything is always referring to a television show from thirty years ago. No matter how much you try to move on it’s always “How come there was only one bathroom in the entire house?” and “What was up between Alice and Sam the Butcher? Somehow I feel that went beyond the typical grocer-client relationship.”

But the only reason to watch the show is to watch Screech act totally batshit crazy. Yes, Dustin Diamond, the guy who played the geeky kid on Saved by the Bell, is being such a complete jerk on the show it leaves you wondering if this is just an act or if he is actually insane. I’ve never seen anyone go on a diet show and state that all he is going to do is drink beer and eat donuts and not exercise. He also rips into all of the other people on the show calling them has-beens and losers. This from the guy who is still being referred to as Screech and not even a porn film could change that impression of him.

Honestly, I cannot tell if this guy is just doing an act in order to get screen time and some publicity or if he is really that deluded. Look, just because your show was rerun ad nauseum on TBS doesn’t make you famous. Certainly not once the show finally leaves syndication. And you can’t even touch the fame of a Marcia Brady or a Tiffany or even the legendary goth Tina Yothers from last season. At this point, you might as well take pride in your victory over Horshack on Celebrity Boxing. I’m telling you, VH-1 might have filmed the most amazing celebrity breakdown now that Breaking Bonaduce is off the air.

The five random CD’s for the week (and another great collection):
1) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part Two”
2) The Ditty Bops “Moon Over the Freeway”
3) Cowboy Junkies “Long Journey Home”
4) The Frames “Burn the Maps”
5) Son Volt “Okemah and the Melody of Riot”