I'll try to remember the unicorns this time...

For those in the Kansas City area I would just like to inform everyone that my work on the ark is nearly complete and I am beginning to round up two of every animal. At the present moment there is still an argument as to whether the stink beetles really need to come aboard and I would really appreciate it if the three toed sloths would hurry up a bit but I’m happy so far. Much like I am constantly looking for someone to be the Zelda to my F. Scott, if someone wants to be my, uh, Noah’s wife (or at least steady girlfriend) to my Noah I’m more than willing to accept applications.

In other words, it has been raining like mad the past few hours and it has been doing this for weeks on end. It’s like I’m living in Seattle just without the mountains and the coffee and the culture. I think I could swim down my street right now. As always I blame Al Gore for this. If we didn’t know why this was happening then we could just call it a freak of nature. Now we have to be aware it is our own damn fault. Jerk.

Been struggling for a few minutes now to think up a topic. To be honest it has been a long couple of weeks for me. Just a whole bunch of stuff that at first started to happen around me and then began to hit me more and more directly. At some point the whole blissful mood that I was in was going to have to take a bit of a hit and it did. But I’ve done what I always do. I pick myself up, dust myself up, go “I’m bleeding. Sweet!”, and get ready for the next battle. Life is still way too much fun to get caught up in a few minor details that don’t go your way.

So with that I’ve been applying to more and more jobs though I have yet to hear back from anybody. I guess that is the problem with Monster and CareerBuilder; there is a whole black hole aspect to the sites. I drop off resumes and they just disappear into the ether even for jobs I am more than qualified for. I want to find something in the next few weeks but I’m not sure when or where or how it will happen. There is no big rush, I live on the cheap any way, and my life is interesting enough without spending 40+ hours a week in a beige box but I need to start making that next step.

I guess what I want to say is that this past week has taught me that complaining about life gets you nowhere and all it results in is you forgetting all the incredible moments that you’ve just had. Life is just too short and I often wonder if I’ve wasted parts of mine, which would be an incredible shame. But I’m trying to relish every moment and experience everything the world has to offer. As Warren Zevon said before he died “Enjoy every sandwich.”

Let’s have Carbon Leaf take us home. Enjoy the weekend everybody.

I need two of every animal (except stink beetles)

One of the things that I like about this town is that when it rains, it freaking rains. For some reason I’ve always liked sitting out and watching a big rainstorm. It’s like having a free fireworks show in your front yard with bright lights and big bangs and no idea what is going to happen next. Sometimes I still do the same thing that I did when I was a little kid; sit out on the porch and just watch the storm go by. Except that when I do it today I tend to have my feet up on a metal railing, something that I have to admit is not the wisest idea I have ever have.

I’m saying all of this because it has been freaking raining from the moment I got back in town today. I was out for most of the weekend so I missed the tornado that took out an entire town as well as a massive storm this morning but still, it has been one thunderstorm after another. And, for a reason that has never been made quite clear to me, this town does not have a working storm sewer system so I’ve been able to watch the street outside my apartment turn into a river all night long. It’s rather fascinating.

Switching gears, I should probably talk about one of my guilty pleasures television shows: Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I do have a valid reason for watching the show in that I am still trying to lose weight and occasionally the show provides me with useful hints. I don’t usually follow them and am now so far behind my workout schedule that it isn’t even funny anymore but still, it’s a start. Mainly it is just an excuse to make fun of D-List celebrities.

(Well, except for Warren G, who is a) on the show and b) someone I really don’t want to joke about. Dude could kick my ass without lifting a finger.)

It is your usual mix of fallen celebrities and people who never were actual celebrities (how does an intern from Leno count as a celebrity?) We have former teen queen Tiffany, who apparently spent a few too many nights at the Orange Julius. I’ll give her credit for at least admitting to her mall celebrity with a straight face. I would launch into anyone who even mentioned that part of my career. We also have Marcia Brady Maureen McCormick. She might have an even tougher life that Tiffany, everything is always referring to a television show from thirty years ago. No matter how much you try to move on it’s always “How come there was only one bathroom in the entire house?” and “What was up between Alice and Sam the Butcher? Somehow I feel that went beyond the typical grocer-client relationship.”

But the only reason to watch the show is to watch Screech act totally batshit crazy. Yes, Dustin Diamond, the guy who played the geeky kid on Saved by the Bell, is being such a complete jerk on the show it leaves you wondering if this is just an act or if he is actually insane. I’ve never seen anyone go on a diet show and state that all he is going to do is drink beer and eat donuts and not exercise. He also rips into all of the other people on the show calling them has-beens and losers. This from the guy who is still being referred to as Screech and not even a porn film could change that impression of him.

Honestly, I cannot tell if this guy is just doing an act in order to get screen time and some publicity or if he is really that deluded. Look, just because your show was rerun ad nauseum on TBS doesn’t make you famous. Certainly not once the show finally leaves syndication. And you can’t even touch the fame of a Marcia Brady or a Tiffany or even the legendary goth Tina Yothers from last season. At this point, you might as well take pride in your victory over Horshack on Celebrity Boxing. I’m telling you, VH-1 might have filmed the most amazing celebrity breakdown now that Breaking Bonaduce is off the air.

The five random CD’s for the week (and another great collection):
1) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part Two”
2) The Ditty Bops “Moon Over the Freeway”
3) Cowboy Junkies “Long Journey Home”
4) The Frames “Burn the Maps”
5) Son Volt “Okemah and the Melody of Riot”