8:59 P.M.: And we are coming to you live from Sports Central at Battling the Current headquarters. I am joined by…looks around sheepishly…dear god do my parties suck.
9:00 P.M.: Yep, it’s live blog time once again as I will cover the NCAA basketball finals between Duke and Butler. It is David vs. Goliath and I am cheering for Goliath. Yes, I am pure evil.
9:01 P.M.: No, I am not kidding here, the Christian Laettner jersey has been unretired and I am once again wearing the Duke 32 jersey that I bought in college. It is a lot tighter now than it was before. It only comes out for title games and it does have a 2-1 record so we’ll see how it does tonight. I know that I wrote last week that I didn’t feel really connected to this team and I can’t say that I do so I will do my best to not be an obnoxious fan because I haven’t earned the right (plus I hate obnoxious Duke fans.) But, I really do admire Coach K and I would like to see him get his fourth title to move him past Bobby Knight and into the legendary level.
9:04 P.M.: Before the game starts I’ll mention that my Monday Weigh In is 209.5 pounds for a gain of 1 pound from last week. I gained a pound? How could that happen? I mean, I worked out once, kind of. I didn’t even eat meat on Friday. Time to kick it up a notch. Tomorrow.
9:11 P.M.: I’ve never quite understood the concept of “Prelude to a Championship.” No other sporting event has a prelude. It is the only time that a sporting event gets compared to a symphony.
9:16 P.M.: Can anyone explain to my why in the Enterprise Rental Car ad the guy let’s his mom drive? Dude looks to be nearing 30 at least. At that age you take the wheel, not your mom.
9:19 P.M.: Ok, it is really cool that Butler is the smallest school to make the title game since probably Indiana State. And that the players actually come from the same state that the school is located in (as opposed to Duke or West Virginia.)
9:22 P.M.: Well, if player introductions are any indications it is a rather partisan crowd in Indianapolis. And I might as well admit it now: the Butler head coach is younger than I am. Occasionally I think that I have accomplished some things with my life. Then I see someone like him and realize that I am completely wrong.
9:24 P.M.: Opening tip to Butler. I just lost 50 bucks on a prop bet. And Butler takes the lead costing me another 50.
9:25 P.M.: Duke takes the lead. All is right with the world.
9:29 P.M.: The Plumley brothers enter the game thus I believe setting a record for tall, non-mobile white guys on the floor at one time for a team playing for a title. Seriously, where the hell does Duke find all these guys? They never had depth in the frontcourt for the past decade. 6-4 Duke at the first television timeout. (Lance Thomas also has two fouls, which may become a factor later on.)
9:34 P.M.: A three second call? What the hell is this, a grade school game? Not that I wasn’t called for like a dozen or those in my lifetime.
9:36 P.M.: Zoubek draws a charge and doesn’t ruin the career of his opponent in a nice change of pace.
9:41 P.M.: It’s 16-14 Duke with a little over 11 minutes left. Butler plays hella good defense. And it’s not one of those trick zone defenses you use to disguise a lack of talent. They are just damn good defenders.
9:46 P.M.: One of the things about these games in domes that they use an elevated floor and that really bugs me. The benches are below the floor and the coaches sit on stools on the sideline. Coaches should stalk the sideline. Sitting on stools is for bad lounge singers.
9:49 P.M.: Butler leads by two with eight minutes left. Anxiety level: 2 out of 10. Also, Mr. Coke Zero guy: Dry your damn hair. You look like a total douche.
9:54 P.M.: The thing about Butler keeping this game close is that this isn’t one of those Duke squads that puts on those huge ten point runs in a minute on a team. They are really a grind it out type of team. If Butler keeps on hanging in with them they will be there at the end.
9:57 P.M.: And after I write that Duke goes on an 8-0 run and Butler wisely calls a timeout. But it still isn’t a killer run. It was an eight point run that featured defense, a jump ball and either a good move or a travel by Singler on a drive.
9:59 P.M.: I might as well start camping out for Iron Man 2 now. It just looks super cool. And the Butler players were in class today so I really like them for that.
10:04 P.M.: Someone needs to explain to Clark Kellogg that one team’s defensive rebounding is another team’s offensive rebounding. So if they are good at one it means that the other team is bad at the other. Still better than having to listen to Billy Packer though.
10:06 P.M.: Personally, I find it hysterical that the guy at Applebee’s who orders an under 500 calorie meal is doing so while drinking a 20 Oz. beer. Because, you know, beer doesn’t have calories. Or at least I hope to god that it doesn’t. Maybe that explains that weight gain.
10:10 P.M.: And it’s halftime with Duke leading 33 – 32. Really good first half by both teams with the refs deciding to let them play. I’d say that my anxiety level is at 4 right now. My feeling is that if Duke scores 70 they will win the game. Less than that and it is anyone’s game. Duke needs to get some rebounds though as Butler is getting a ton of second chance shots. But something in me has a bad feeling about this. Duke should be up by seven right now and they aren’t.
10:18 P.M.: The fan behind Greg Gumbel waving the sign that is cheering for Duke and the Patriots may quite possibly be the most annoying fan in the history of the planet. I’ll just make the assumption that he is a Red Sox fan as well. And it’s official that De’sean Butler absolutely destroyed his knee on Saturday night. I feel horrible about that because he seems to be a great guy and I hate the fact that his pro career was jeopardized in his last game. Hope he recovers.
10:25 P.M.: Great, Army of Darkness is on HBO. Now I’m going to have to decide what to watch.
10:32 P.M.: Here we go, twenty minutes to history. I’ll take Bruce Campbell over the army of skeletons in the other matchup.
10:34 P.M.: Well no one is going to say that Duke is getting calls tonight. No one is getting calls tonight. Guys on both teams are getting mugged tonight.
10:40 P.M.: 40 all with 15 minutes left. It honestly looks like Butler has seven people on the floor when they are on defense. I’ve never seen a ballhandler be double teamed and yet have no one open.
10:44 P.M.: Matt Howard of Butler, who has one of those mustaches you see on a high school senior, picks up his fourth foul. That is Butler’s main inside man out of there but Butler has been playing great when they have had to play small so I am not sure if that is a bad thing. Butler takes a one point lead to prove the point.
10:48 P.M.: It is so interesting that Jackie Earle Haley started his career as one of the kids in the Bad News Bears and then stayed out of the limelight until the past few years. He just had to wait until he grew into some new roles, which our characters like Freddy Kreuger and Rorshach. I really don’t want to know what happened to him after the Bad News Bears now that I think about it.
10:52 P.M.: And Duke draws one of its legendary Duke charging calls. Blame Dick Vitale for this. For years Vitale talked about how great Duke was at getting charges. Suddenly on every play under the basket Duke drew the charge. This has led to Duke guys flopping like mad trying to draw charges, which cost them the 99 title against UConn when the refs finally decided to stop calling it. Moral of the story: stop flopping unless you want to lose again.
11:03 P.M.: Always cool to find out that Butler has one of the Van Zants on the team. Skynyrd rules!!! Duke up four with a free throw to come with eight minutes left. Anxiety level is easily an 8 right now. I will say that this is one of the better championship games that I can remember in a long time. Probably since the Illinois – North Carolina game. Burn in hell Sean May, by the way.
11:09 P.M.: Kyle Singler is playing one hell of a game. Third big block of the night from a guy who isn’t known for it. Can’t convert on the other end though. Duke up five with under six minutes left. Butler keeps on making defensive stands when they have to. I really haven’t seen team defense like that for a long time.
11:14 P.M.: Lance Thomas takes down Matt Hayward and it looks bad but isn’t a flagrant foul. As the announcers say it is the right call but it sure looks like he got mugged. Butler cuts it to a one point game with five minutes left as Duke calls timeout. Anxiety level is now at 10. I’m freaking out right about now. I know I said that I didn’t really care about this team but hey, old habits die hard. That said, Butler is a freaking amazing team and if they win they completely deserve it.
11:17 P.M.: Another time out after Duke goes up three. Think about it. Butler had to go through Syracuse, Kansas State and Michigan State to make the title game. That means they had to play either the best or second best team in the Big East, Big 12 and Big Ten to play the best team in the ACC. That is a hell of an accomplishment for any team.
11:20 P.M.: Duke at the line with 3:16 left. I wish we didn’t have to go to commercials at this point. Now I have to deal with that weird British dude in the HP commercials talking to Dr. Dre. Talk about having a commercial that totally takes you out of a game.
11:23 P.M.: And it is a five point lead as we get another jump ball. Again, I can’t ever remember so many jump balls in a championship game. Hell, in any game. That is how tough the defense has been all night from both teams.
11:26 P.M.: Butler has lost their offensive rhythm and hasn’t made baskets in a few minutes. If it wasn’t for their tough defense, which just led to a travel call on Duke, this game would be decided. It is seven and a half minutes plus without a basket for Butler, which means that they just make one. Duke by three with the ball. Ninety seconds to go.
11:27 P.M.: Butler cuts it to one. 54 seconds left. Duke calls timeout. Anxiety level now 15 out of 10. I’m just going to write one entry from here on out. Duke loses the ball. Butler’s ball with 33 seconds left down one. No shot clock. Defense Duke. Defense. Out of bounds to Butler with 13.6 left. Butler calls timeout. Looks like we are going to be down to one shot for the title. Again, do we have to have commercials? Butler has to call timeout after not getting the ball inbounds. No timeouts left for Butler. I believe that I have stopped breathing. Hayward misses a challenged shot, Zoubek rebounds and is fouled with 3.6 left!!! Makes the first! Misses the second….Hayward from half court…..and hits the rim! Wow!!!!! How freaking close can you get!!!!
11:37 P.M.: I’m still not breathing. Duke 61 Butler 59. I wish my teacher, old friend and the guy who told me in 1987 to follow this team was still with us to see this moment. Four titles Kevin. I can’t believe it myself.
11:44 P.M.: One Shining Moment!!!
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Sally Timms “Cowboy Sally’s Twilight Laments for Lost Buckaroos”
2) Blue Rodeo “The Days in Between”
3) Webb Wilder “Hybrid Vigor”
4) The Subdudes “The Subdudes”
5) The Subdudes “Primitive Streak”
Showing posts with label NCAA Tournament. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NCAA Tournament. Show all posts
Monday, April 05, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tournament Breakdown: Part Two
On to the second half of the brackets starting with the South.
Duke vs. Arkansas – Pine Bluff: Sigh. I have now been a Duke fan for over twenty years. When I started off in the late 80’s I was cool, cheering for the unknown school that would always make the Final Four. Then I became the guy who was essentially cheering the Yankees or Microsoft. Now even I can’t stand the team or their fans. The past few years the word I’ve used to describe Duke basketball is annoying. I’ll take the teams when Chris Carrawell was the best player on the court over what they have now. They’ll win this game and probably make the final four, maybe even win everything, but I’m not really happy about it.
Cal vs. Louisville: No, I have no idea why it is Cal as opposed to California. Maybe it is just too cool to be called by its full name. You have a Pac 10 vs. Big East matchup here or a matchup between the worst and best conferences. In that situation, take the team from the better conference even if it is coached by Rick Pitino who I swear looks like he is about to start selling life insurance policies from the sideline.
Texas A&M vs. Utah State: The Aggies explode here in the first round. I understand the war of the Tigers in the Clemson – Mizzou matchup but seriously, how many Aggies are there to matchup in college basketball. Since by law I am required to pick one 5-12 upset I am going to go with Utah State here. No real reason other than, hell, I assume Texas A&M runs the wishbone even when playing basketball.
Purdue vs. Siena: Let’s run through our upset checklist here. 1) Favorite team recently suffered season ending injury to star player? Check. 2) Underdog does not have a single underclassmen in starting lineup? Check. 3) Underdog has a coach who has won tournament games before? Check. 4) Favorite team is in the Big Ten? Check. Go with the crowd and take Siena here.
Notre Dame vs. Old Dominion: Kim and I have four alma maters between us and Notre Dame is the only one to make the tournament. At least it is one that we share. As much as I like ND here and will obviously be picking them to win this matchup scares the hell out of me. Not for any technical reason (it’s not as if I’ve studied game film of Old Dominion) just that this just smells right for an upset. Notre Dame made a good run in the Big East and is playing well but still trying to figure out how to bring their best player off the bench following injury. ODU is one of those schools that always seems to pull upsets in the tournament. Never trust a small school from Virginia whose name makes it sound like a member of the Wu Tang Clan. I’m hoping we bring the good leprechaun for this game.
Baylor vs. Sam Houston State: Well, at least we’ll get rid of one of the Texas schools in the first round. Sam Houston State are the Bearkats: Part bear, part cat, and part student forced to retake remedial English. I’ll take Baylor because Mike Singletary went to Baylor and that is a good enough reason as any.
Richmond vs. Saint Mary’s: Oh what I would give for a Notre Dame – St. Mary’s matchup in the Sweet Sixteen. It would turn South Bend into an absolute war zone. Wait, you mean that this isn’t that St. Mary’s? That would be like there being another Holy Cross? I’ve loved Richmond for years as a kick ass upset pick. They always seem to get out of the first round no matter what they are ranked. Sorry Smickers, got to go with the Spiders on this one.
Villanova vs. Robert Morris: Robert Morris falls into that dangerous category of schools that could be mistaken for one guy. Always have to worry about those. On the other hand, Robert Morris also sounds like one of those schools that are advertised on television where you could major in appliance repair. (On that note, why the hell doesn’t the University of Phoenix have a better basketball team?) Anyway, as an almost Philadelphia resident I have to go with Villanova here. They’ll get out of the first round but I don’t see them going much farther than that.
Finally, over to the west.
Syracuse vs. Vermont: Ah, the classic Orange vs. Catamount rivalry. Yes, it’s Orange as opposed to Orangemen. They are now named after the color. Let’s face it, there isn’t much you can say about a 1 vs. 16 matchup other than making fun of the names. The 1 seed wins. Let’s just leave it at that.
Gonzaga vs. Florida State: On my list of least favorite schools Florida State ranks with, well, no one else at the top of my list. Even sans Bowden I still find them incredibly annoying. Gonzaga has made the switch from tournament darling to old standby rather quickly. I actually think that is rather cool given how it always seems to be the same teams in the mix every year. Can’t see any reason why Gonzaga does not win this one.
Butler vs. UTEP: I’ve probably known a half dozen people in my life who have attended Butler. Or maybe Drake. Unless it was possibly Grinnell. Life would be a lot easier if they just combined all of those small, Midwestern private schools into one. Unless UTEP morphs back into Texas Western I don’t see them having a chance in hell at winning this game.
Vanderbilt vs. Murray State: I can never trust Vandy’s record. They have a home court that it is best described as totally unfair. The benches are under the basket and the court is actually above the floor. You get a headache watching the games on television, much less playing in them. Still, they are better than Murray State, the school best known for requiring each student to graduate with at least six credit hours in dance.
Xavier vs. Minnesota: Here is where my Illini would have ended up if it wasn’t for Tubby Smith bribing the selection committee. Who the hell goes by the name Tubby anyway? He isn’t even that fat. Guys named Tubby should be at least 500 pounds. I’m really big on the Atlantic 10 this year and I can’t get behind the Gophers in any sport that does not involve skates so I’m with the Musketeers. Any team that is led by D’artagnan is good enough for me.
Pitt vs. Oakland: If I am correct this is the Michigan Oakland and not the Oakland Oakland. That should be a requirement to be listed in the team name as otherwise it gets really confusing. Hell, why they aren’t called Southeast Michigan is beyond me. Anyway, Pitt is another one of those teams that survived the war that was the Big East and there is no reason why they can’t continue their winning ways. Plus, losing would mean that they would be forced to return to Pittsbugh and that is more motivation than you could ever imagine.
BYU vs. Florida: Two fanbases who have everything in common here. Florida is led by Billy Donovan, a fat tub of lard who should have another doughnut while he is at it. Not that I am bitter about a few players of his (ahem…Teddy Dupuay) or anything. I like BYU here due to their veteran leadership that arises from having guys go on Mormon missions and thus return as 25 year old seniors.
Kansas State vs. North Texas: One of my old Kansas City stories is how I spent one night talking to this girl and completely hitting it off only to find out three hours later that she had a boyfriend who was a Kansas State alum. I’ve hated the school ever since. She wasn’t lying either; I spent the next five years running into the two of them all around town. Given that I now realize that was the universe’s way of keeping me available to have my whirlwind romance with Kim I guess I should try to reconsider my opinion of the school. Still can’t stand their color scheme or the fact that they hired Bob Huggins to coach them at one point and thought that was a good idea. But they are better than the Mean Green and will make the Sweet 16 at least.
Final Four: Kansas, Kentucky, Duke and Pitt
Championship Game: Kansas, Kentucky
Champion: Kansas
Now excuse me, I’m going to grab a case of beer and a couch for the next couple of days.
Wednesday Night Music Club: My random CD program brought up my favorite concept album this week, which combines my two favorite things: 90’s alternative rock and cartoon theme songs. I mean, you have Juliana Hatfield and Tanya Donnelly singing the theme to Josie and the Pussycats. Nothing in life could be better than that. And don’t ask me why Drew Barrymore is there because I don’t know.
Duke vs. Arkansas – Pine Bluff: Sigh. I have now been a Duke fan for over twenty years. When I started off in the late 80’s I was cool, cheering for the unknown school that would always make the Final Four. Then I became the guy who was essentially cheering the Yankees or Microsoft. Now even I can’t stand the team or their fans. The past few years the word I’ve used to describe Duke basketball is annoying. I’ll take the teams when Chris Carrawell was the best player on the court over what they have now. They’ll win this game and probably make the final four, maybe even win everything, but I’m not really happy about it.
Cal vs. Louisville: No, I have no idea why it is Cal as opposed to California. Maybe it is just too cool to be called by its full name. You have a Pac 10 vs. Big East matchup here or a matchup between the worst and best conferences. In that situation, take the team from the better conference even if it is coached by Rick Pitino who I swear looks like he is about to start selling life insurance policies from the sideline.
Texas A&M vs. Utah State: The Aggies explode here in the first round. I understand the war of the Tigers in the Clemson – Mizzou matchup but seriously, how many Aggies are there to matchup in college basketball. Since by law I am required to pick one 5-12 upset I am going to go with Utah State here. No real reason other than, hell, I assume Texas A&M runs the wishbone even when playing basketball.
Purdue vs. Siena: Let’s run through our upset checklist here. 1) Favorite team recently suffered season ending injury to star player? Check. 2) Underdog does not have a single underclassmen in starting lineup? Check. 3) Underdog has a coach who has won tournament games before? Check. 4) Favorite team is in the Big Ten? Check. Go with the crowd and take Siena here.
Notre Dame vs. Old Dominion: Kim and I have four alma maters between us and Notre Dame is the only one to make the tournament. At least it is one that we share. As much as I like ND here and will obviously be picking them to win this matchup scares the hell out of me. Not for any technical reason (it’s not as if I’ve studied game film of Old Dominion) just that this just smells right for an upset. Notre Dame made a good run in the Big East and is playing well but still trying to figure out how to bring their best player off the bench following injury. ODU is one of those schools that always seems to pull upsets in the tournament. Never trust a small school from Virginia whose name makes it sound like a member of the Wu Tang Clan. I’m hoping we bring the good leprechaun for this game.
Baylor vs. Sam Houston State: Well, at least we’ll get rid of one of the Texas schools in the first round. Sam Houston State are the Bearkats: Part bear, part cat, and part student forced to retake remedial English. I’ll take Baylor because Mike Singletary went to Baylor and that is a good enough reason as any.
Richmond vs. Saint Mary’s: Oh what I would give for a Notre Dame – St. Mary’s matchup in the Sweet Sixteen. It would turn South Bend into an absolute war zone. Wait, you mean that this isn’t that St. Mary’s? That would be like there being another Holy Cross? I’ve loved Richmond for years as a kick ass upset pick. They always seem to get out of the first round no matter what they are ranked. Sorry Smickers, got to go with the Spiders on this one.
Villanova vs. Robert Morris: Robert Morris falls into that dangerous category of schools that could be mistaken for one guy. Always have to worry about those. On the other hand, Robert Morris also sounds like one of those schools that are advertised on television where you could major in appliance repair. (On that note, why the hell doesn’t the University of Phoenix have a better basketball team?) Anyway, as an almost Philadelphia resident I have to go with Villanova here. They’ll get out of the first round but I don’t see them going much farther than that.
Finally, over to the west.
Syracuse vs. Vermont: Ah, the classic Orange vs. Catamount rivalry. Yes, it’s Orange as opposed to Orangemen. They are now named after the color. Let’s face it, there isn’t much you can say about a 1 vs. 16 matchup other than making fun of the names. The 1 seed wins. Let’s just leave it at that.
Gonzaga vs. Florida State: On my list of least favorite schools Florida State ranks with, well, no one else at the top of my list. Even sans Bowden I still find them incredibly annoying. Gonzaga has made the switch from tournament darling to old standby rather quickly. I actually think that is rather cool given how it always seems to be the same teams in the mix every year. Can’t see any reason why Gonzaga does not win this one.
Butler vs. UTEP: I’ve probably known a half dozen people in my life who have attended Butler. Or maybe Drake. Unless it was possibly Grinnell. Life would be a lot easier if they just combined all of those small, Midwestern private schools into one. Unless UTEP morphs back into Texas Western I don’t see them having a chance in hell at winning this game.
Vanderbilt vs. Murray State: I can never trust Vandy’s record. They have a home court that it is best described as totally unfair. The benches are under the basket and the court is actually above the floor. You get a headache watching the games on television, much less playing in them. Still, they are better than Murray State, the school best known for requiring each student to graduate with at least six credit hours in dance.
Xavier vs. Minnesota: Here is where my Illini would have ended up if it wasn’t for Tubby Smith bribing the selection committee. Who the hell goes by the name Tubby anyway? He isn’t even that fat. Guys named Tubby should be at least 500 pounds. I’m really big on the Atlantic 10 this year and I can’t get behind the Gophers in any sport that does not involve skates so I’m with the Musketeers. Any team that is led by D’artagnan is good enough for me.
Pitt vs. Oakland: If I am correct this is the Michigan Oakland and not the Oakland Oakland. That should be a requirement to be listed in the team name as otherwise it gets really confusing. Hell, why they aren’t called Southeast Michigan is beyond me. Anyway, Pitt is another one of those teams that survived the war that was the Big East and there is no reason why they can’t continue their winning ways. Plus, losing would mean that they would be forced to return to Pittsbugh and that is more motivation than you could ever imagine.
BYU vs. Florida: Two fanbases who have everything in common here. Florida is led by Billy Donovan, a fat tub of lard who should have another doughnut while he is at it. Not that I am bitter about a few players of his (ahem…Teddy Dupuay) or anything. I like BYU here due to their veteran leadership that arises from having guys go on Mormon missions and thus return as 25 year old seniors.
Kansas State vs. North Texas: One of my old Kansas City stories is how I spent one night talking to this girl and completely hitting it off only to find out three hours later that she had a boyfriend who was a Kansas State alum. I’ve hated the school ever since. She wasn’t lying either; I spent the next five years running into the two of them all around town. Given that I now realize that was the universe’s way of keeping me available to have my whirlwind romance with Kim I guess I should try to reconsider my opinion of the school. Still can’t stand their color scheme or the fact that they hired Bob Huggins to coach them at one point and thought that was a good idea. But they are better than the Mean Green and will make the Sweet 16 at least.
Final Four: Kansas, Kentucky, Duke and Pitt
Championship Game: Kansas, Kentucky
Champion: Kansas
Now excuse me, I’m going to grab a case of beer and a couch for the next couple of days.
Wednesday Night Music Club: My random CD program brought up my favorite concept album this week, which combines my two favorite things: 90’s alternative rock and cartoon theme songs. I mean, you have Juliana Hatfield and Tanya Donnelly singing the theme to Josie and the Pussycats. Nothing in life could be better than that. And don’t ask me why Drew Barrymore is there because I don’t know.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tournament Breakdown: Part One
It’s tournament time again and this year I am going to break down all 32 first round games for you. Now I’ll state up front that I watched less college basketball this year than I have in any year since I was probably seven years old. When your alma mater a) makes the NIT and b) can’t play a home game because Cirque du Soleil has reserved the arena that night you begin to dread watching basketball. Still, I feel more than qualified to comment on the games. I’ll start with the Midwest bracket.
(Oh yes, we are back to having directional regions now as opposed to the whole “Atlanta bracket” experiment that everyone hated.)
Kansas vs. Lehigh: I hate Bill Self and his damn toupee. If I could take a lighter to that thing I would. Given that I had to be held back at a Royals game from showing my Illini / White Sox pride and taking him down while he was standing on the first base line I think you can say that I have some strong emotions here. Basically all Lehigh has going for them here is the nickname Mountain Hawks and that is counteracted by Kansas having a guy named Morningstar coming off their bench. Go with the team where evil lurks on the bench in Kansas.
UNLV vs. Northern Iowa: Why precisely do we need a Northern Iowa? I understand how we can have an Iowa and maybe even an Iowa State but after that is there really any need for additional schools in Iowa? I’ve driven through the state a few times and I really haven’t seen the need for them. With Lon Kruger at the helm UNLV will probably be facing NCAA sanctions by halftime so I’ll have to go with directional Iowa.
Michigan State vs. New Mexico State: On paper this looks like one of those first round games that the Big Ten always loses. Underachieving Big Ten team versus underrated mid-major. The thing is Michigan State tends to play well in the tournament and they made the championship game last year. Also, without Lou Henson at the helm I don’t think we can cheer for New Mexico State. They should wheel him out on the sidelines at all times.
Maryland vs. Houston: Over under on when Gary Williams sweats through his jacket: First television timeout. This game consists of two teams that do nothing but run so it might be one of the most interesting games in the tournament. Houston did one of those miracle conference tournament runs to get into the dance which means that they either a) have a ton of momentum or b) are dead tired and have already peaked. I’m going with the latter though it will be close.
Tennessee vs. San Diego State: Wow, the Midwest bracket should just be called “Coaches I hate.” Seriously, Bruce Pearl resulted in my having to sit through four wretched years of Illinois basketball where we had to convince ourselves that Tommy Michael was a legitimate Big 10 player. I know nothing about San Diego State other than Marshall Faulk went there but I’m picking them just out of pure spite.
Georgetown vs. Ohio: This is the other Ohio for those wondering, not the one that for some reason needs to be referred to as “The”. Ohio also couldn’t even have a winning record in the MAC while Georgetown held their own in the Big East. Personally, I would like Georgetown to require either a) have all their players wear grey t-shirts under their jerseys like Patrick Ewing or b) require one player on their team to change his name to Michael Jackson every year just to remind us of the old days. Georgetown in a walk.
Oklahoma State vs. Georgia Tech: Now that I’ve left Kansas City I no longer have to listen to sports radio in which the announcers truly believe that anyone gives a shit about the Big 12. No one does, seriously. People in Oklahoma don’t even care about Oklahoma State basketball. Unless Bryant Reeves comes back can we just say Georgia Tech won by five and get it over with? We don’t really need to waste television time on this one.
Ohio State vs. UC Santa Barbara: Ohio State: it’s like Ohio but with a “duh” in front of it. This UC school is the Gauchos, which is the second best nickname amongst the UC schools behind the Banana Slugs. Ohio State won the Big Ten tournament while playing some incredibly crappy basketball. Imagine what they will do when they start caring, which is lose in the Sweet Sixteen but that is getting ahead of ourselves.
And over in the East Region…
Kentucky vs. East Tennessee State: I really want to take East Tennessee State here. Not because they are going to win the game, John Wall is going to run right over them, but because in three years all of Kentucky’s wins from this season will be stripped due to recruiting violations. So I am going to call the upset that will occur on a technicality some point in the future. Watch John Wall now before he gets stuck playing for the Nets for the next three years.
Texas vs. Wake Forest: I’ve always like Texas’ basketball uniforms. For some reason the color just really works well. Sadly the team doesn’t as they somehow started 17-0 and finished 7-9. I have probably lost more money on Wake Forest than any other team in college basketball. I believe that I picked them to make the Final Four every year that Tim Duncan played and even one where he didn’t and lost money every time. Damnit, I’m still going to pick them to win. Bastards have to help me out eventually.
Temple vs. Cornell: This is another one of those games that I would really like to watch just because it is going to be so technically sound. This will be like bizarro world to any NBA game as it will consist entirely of passing, back door cuts and screens. If it wasn’t for the shot clock the final score would be something like 12 – 10. I know people like Cornell because it is cool to pick an Ivy League school but they just aren’t that good. Certainly not 12 seed good. Temple wins bigger than most people think.
Wisconsin vs. Wofford: Very difficult to pronounce Wofford without sounding like you have a lisp. Also, you expect their team name to be the Wofford Wunnin Webels or something like that instead of Terriers. Wisconsin plays the most boring style of basketball imaginable made only slightly more palatable by the fact that they usually win. Want to watch defense, lots of passing and no shooting? This game is for you. Wisconsin wins in a wout.
Marquette vs. Washington: I was taught the following rules about picking brackets growing up: always pick the Big 10 teams and the catholic schools. Suffice it to say it took me a few years until I figured out that I might actually want to win money one of these years. Still, I’ll keep a soft spot for Marquette against a Pac 10 team that could barely win a Pac 10 tournament that I believe only fielded three teams. Seriously, what the hell happened to the Pac 10? Did UCLA stop playing basketball when I wasn’t looking? Where the hell is Arizona?
New Mexico vs. Montana: (Yes, Arizona is next to New Mexico, I know.) Why this game is in the Midwest and not the West is beyond me. Have to like the Lobos in this one mainly because of their name. They’ll still lose early (probably to Marquette in the second round) but they’ll make it past this one. For those wondering, Montana is coached by Wayne Tinkle. He comes from a long line of Tinkles, tee hee.
Clemson vs. Missouri: It’s a battle of the Tigers and also a battle of two schools whose campuses I have been on. Clemson features orange tiger paws leading up to the football stadium. Missouri features, uh, a line of porn shops off of I-70 as you make your way into Columbia. And these places all look pretty dicey even when you are starting from the fact that they are porn shops. Like you would get a disease by parking in the lot and not getting out of your car. Mizzou is crashing as of late and even though the ACC is hella weak this year I always go with them so onwards Clemson.
West Virginia vs. Morgan State: The Mountaineers features a mascot who not only carries a rifle but actually occasionally fires it. Seems unfair that Morgan State is not allowed to have a bear roam free on the sideline potentially mauling members of the opposition. I’m going with West Virginia solely because I got drunk with one of their assistant coaches one night in Kansas City. It was amazing who you could meet on the stools at Harry’s.
(Oh yes, we are back to having directional regions now as opposed to the whole “Atlanta bracket” experiment that everyone hated.)
Kansas vs. Lehigh: I hate Bill Self and his damn toupee. If I could take a lighter to that thing I would. Given that I had to be held back at a Royals game from showing my Illini / White Sox pride and taking him down while he was standing on the first base line I think you can say that I have some strong emotions here. Basically all Lehigh has going for them here is the nickname Mountain Hawks and that is counteracted by Kansas having a guy named Morningstar coming off their bench. Go with the team where evil lurks on the bench in Kansas.
UNLV vs. Northern Iowa: Why precisely do we need a Northern Iowa? I understand how we can have an Iowa and maybe even an Iowa State but after that is there really any need for additional schools in Iowa? I’ve driven through the state a few times and I really haven’t seen the need for them. With Lon Kruger at the helm UNLV will probably be facing NCAA sanctions by halftime so I’ll have to go with directional Iowa.
Michigan State vs. New Mexico State: On paper this looks like one of those first round games that the Big Ten always loses. Underachieving Big Ten team versus underrated mid-major. The thing is Michigan State tends to play well in the tournament and they made the championship game last year. Also, without Lou Henson at the helm I don’t think we can cheer for New Mexico State. They should wheel him out on the sidelines at all times.
Maryland vs. Houston: Over under on when Gary Williams sweats through his jacket: First television timeout. This game consists of two teams that do nothing but run so it might be one of the most interesting games in the tournament. Houston did one of those miracle conference tournament runs to get into the dance which means that they either a) have a ton of momentum or b) are dead tired and have already peaked. I’m going with the latter though it will be close.
Tennessee vs. San Diego State: Wow, the Midwest bracket should just be called “Coaches I hate.” Seriously, Bruce Pearl resulted in my having to sit through four wretched years of Illinois basketball where we had to convince ourselves that Tommy Michael was a legitimate Big 10 player. I know nothing about San Diego State other than Marshall Faulk went there but I’m picking them just out of pure spite.
Georgetown vs. Ohio: This is the other Ohio for those wondering, not the one that for some reason needs to be referred to as “The”. Ohio also couldn’t even have a winning record in the MAC while Georgetown held their own in the Big East. Personally, I would like Georgetown to require either a) have all their players wear grey t-shirts under their jerseys like Patrick Ewing or b) require one player on their team to change his name to Michael Jackson every year just to remind us of the old days. Georgetown in a walk.
Oklahoma State vs. Georgia Tech: Now that I’ve left Kansas City I no longer have to listen to sports radio in which the announcers truly believe that anyone gives a shit about the Big 12. No one does, seriously. People in Oklahoma don’t even care about Oklahoma State basketball. Unless Bryant Reeves comes back can we just say Georgia Tech won by five and get it over with? We don’t really need to waste television time on this one.
Ohio State vs. UC Santa Barbara: Ohio State: it’s like Ohio but with a “duh” in front of it. This UC school is the Gauchos, which is the second best nickname amongst the UC schools behind the Banana Slugs. Ohio State won the Big Ten tournament while playing some incredibly crappy basketball. Imagine what they will do when they start caring, which is lose in the Sweet Sixteen but that is getting ahead of ourselves.
And over in the East Region…
Kentucky vs. East Tennessee State: I really want to take East Tennessee State here. Not because they are going to win the game, John Wall is going to run right over them, but because in three years all of Kentucky’s wins from this season will be stripped due to recruiting violations. So I am going to call the upset that will occur on a technicality some point in the future. Watch John Wall now before he gets stuck playing for the Nets for the next three years.
Texas vs. Wake Forest: I’ve always like Texas’ basketball uniforms. For some reason the color just really works well. Sadly the team doesn’t as they somehow started 17-0 and finished 7-9. I have probably lost more money on Wake Forest than any other team in college basketball. I believe that I picked them to make the Final Four every year that Tim Duncan played and even one where he didn’t and lost money every time. Damnit, I’m still going to pick them to win. Bastards have to help me out eventually.
Temple vs. Cornell: This is another one of those games that I would really like to watch just because it is going to be so technically sound. This will be like bizarro world to any NBA game as it will consist entirely of passing, back door cuts and screens. If it wasn’t for the shot clock the final score would be something like 12 – 10. I know people like Cornell because it is cool to pick an Ivy League school but they just aren’t that good. Certainly not 12 seed good. Temple wins bigger than most people think.
Wisconsin vs. Wofford: Very difficult to pronounce Wofford without sounding like you have a lisp. Also, you expect their team name to be the Wofford Wunnin Webels or something like that instead of Terriers. Wisconsin plays the most boring style of basketball imaginable made only slightly more palatable by the fact that they usually win. Want to watch defense, lots of passing and no shooting? This game is for you. Wisconsin wins in a wout.
Marquette vs. Washington: I was taught the following rules about picking brackets growing up: always pick the Big 10 teams and the catholic schools. Suffice it to say it took me a few years until I figured out that I might actually want to win money one of these years. Still, I’ll keep a soft spot for Marquette against a Pac 10 team that could barely win a Pac 10 tournament that I believe only fielded three teams. Seriously, what the hell happened to the Pac 10? Did UCLA stop playing basketball when I wasn’t looking? Where the hell is Arizona?
New Mexico vs. Montana: (Yes, Arizona is next to New Mexico, I know.) Why this game is in the Midwest and not the West is beyond me. Have to like the Lobos in this one mainly because of their name. They’ll still lose early (probably to Marquette in the second round) but they’ll make it past this one. For those wondering, Montana is coached by Wayne Tinkle. He comes from a long line of Tinkles, tee hee.
Clemson vs. Missouri: It’s a battle of the Tigers and also a battle of two schools whose campuses I have been on. Clemson features orange tiger paws leading up to the football stadium. Missouri features, uh, a line of porn shops off of I-70 as you make your way into Columbia. And these places all look pretty dicey even when you are starting from the fact that they are porn shops. Like you would get a disease by parking in the lot and not getting out of your car. Mizzou is crashing as of late and even though the ACC is hella weak this year I always go with them so onwards Clemson.
West Virginia vs. Morgan State: The Mountaineers features a mascot who not only carries a rifle but actually occasionally fires it. Seems unfair that Morgan State is not allowed to have a bear roam free on the sideline potentially mauling members of the opposition. I’m going with West Virginia solely because I got drunk with one of their assistant coaches one night in Kansas City. It was amazing who you could meet on the stools at Harry’s.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Insert One Shining Moment Theme Here...
Tomorrow is the big day. Typically the NCAA tournament is reason enough for a four day weekend for me. It is the single male’s version of Spring Break made only better when it directly corresponds with St. Patrick’s Day. Sadly this year I will be spending the first round in my office. There are two very good reasons for this: 1) I now have a much more important task to use my vacation days for and 2) There are like three dozen televisions in my office so I won’t even have to move from my desk to watch the games.
Anyway, as is tradition I will now diagnose all of the brackets for those of you who still haven’t; made your picks. It is interesting to note that since I was flying home on Sunday night this marks the first time, well, ever, that I did not write out the brackets in a notebook as they were announced. Keep that in mind while analyzing my choices.
Midwest Region: I’ve got Siena in the 8/9 game just because I appreciate any school that names itself after a Crayola color. The easy upset selection here is North Dakota State over Kansas. Game is being played early in the morning in Minneapolis and the entire state of North Dakota has tickets apparently. I believe that will fill up a row. While tempting, avoid choosing Robert Morris as your upset selection as I can never bring myself to pick any school whose name reminds me that I should call my lawyer. I have Wake Forest in the Sweet Sixteen thus continuing my longstanding tradition of continually losing money by picking Wake Forest to do well in the tournament. (I’m telling you, I could put a kid through college based on what I lost on Tim Duncan. And don’t even get me started on Randolph Childress.) Really this is Louisville’s bracket to lose as the only team I like is West Virginia and I can’t bring myself to pick a Bob Huggins team because if I do I have to spend the next three hours in the shower and it’s the type of dirt that just doesn’t wash off.
West Regional: I love the fact that we have first round matchups in Boise. For some reason every year there are games in Dayton and in Boise, the land of the multi-color key and freaky bounces. There are always a few good upsets in that town. Take Mississippi State as your upset special (Washington really isn’t anything special) and keep an eye on Utah State, the school that always makes you ask “They need two state schools in Utah?” I would take Cornell over Missouri only if there was a Quiz Bowl held at halftime that would be added to the score. Purdue versus Northern Iowa is one of those games I would always end up having to watch while living in the Midwest based on the fact that television networks believed that we all enjoyed watching rather boring basketball played by teams in states that bordered ours. This is an interesting bracket as you have Uconn and Memphis and then not much of anything. Illinois ran Missouri out of the building earlier this year so I can’t really put much behind them. I’m going with Memphis, they might not have played anyone but I just don’t think Connecticut is that good of a squad.
East Regional: Have to love some of the teams in this region. You’ve got Portland State, which isn’t a state, and Binghamton, which sounds like the name of some snotty prep school whose kids complain because they didn’t get a Lexus for their eighteenth birthday. You also have American, the school you must cheer for lest you be considered unpatriotic. (Ten bucks says that on the American University promotional video they play “Proud to be an American” and “Coming to America….Today!” in the background.) Some of these games (like UCLA – VCU) sound like a good game to watch while others (Wisconsin versus Florida State) makes you wish they were being played in the Capital One Bowl. Who do I have winning this bracket? For the twenty third consecutive year I have placed Duke in the Final Four. I don’t even look at matchups anymore. I just pencil them in. To be honest I’m not even that big of a fan of this squad or any of the recent squads. These aren’t the cool nineties teams anymore. No Christian Laettner proving to be the most awesome human being on the face of the earth. No Trajan Langdon making me think that being from Alaska is cool. They just happen to be better than Pitt and that is all they need to be this year.
South Regional: My Illini made the tournament! And we somehow have a fifth seed which means that everyone on the planet has us losing to Western Kentucky in the first round. I don’t see that happening unless their Grimace cousin of a mascot is allowed to play. I’d even try to write Illinois into the Sweet 16 but they won’t be able to get past Gonzaga in Portland. (Also, when I first when through the brackets I thought that it said that Gonzaga was playing Akon. That is a sign that I really did spend too much time selling ringtones.) North Carolina will make it past their first round opponent in Radford even though Radford is so rad they put it in their name. My favorite team in the entire tournament: “Stone Cold” Stephen F. Austin. I assume that they are referred to as either the Texas Rattlesnakes or the Bionic Rednecks or possibly both. Look for a stunning upset of Syracuse in the first round. Interesting that Oklahoma gets to play in Kansas City but Kansas doesn’t. In reality this bracket looks pretty easy as North Carolina should just walk through it. There isn’t a team in the bracket that I think could match them on a good day.
Final Four: Being held in Detroit this year, which makes me wonder what the shots from the Goodyear blimp are going to look like. “As you can see outside the arena next to the Fan Fest the recently foreclosed residents have constructed a shantytown.” Louisville and Memphis will have one of those classic Metro conference games from back when the Metro conference actually existed along with the added benefit of possible punches being thrown between Pitino and Calipari over who has the better hair. Louisville has the better team and makes it to the finals. Duke and Carolina finally meet in the Final Four (which has never happened) and therefore start a second Civil War in the state of North Carolina. The Tar Heels win this one. I’m a fan but hey, while the race isn’t always to the swift and the battle not always to the strong that is how you should bet. In the championship game as much as I hate to say it I have to go with Roy Williams and the Tar Heels. They are just the best team in the country and they know how to win. I think that is all they need to be.
Anyway, as is tradition I will now diagnose all of the brackets for those of you who still haven’t; made your picks. It is interesting to note that since I was flying home on Sunday night this marks the first time, well, ever, that I did not write out the brackets in a notebook as they were announced. Keep that in mind while analyzing my choices.
Midwest Region: I’ve got Siena in the 8/9 game just because I appreciate any school that names itself after a Crayola color. The easy upset selection here is North Dakota State over Kansas. Game is being played early in the morning in Minneapolis and the entire state of North Dakota has tickets apparently. I believe that will fill up a row. While tempting, avoid choosing Robert Morris as your upset selection as I can never bring myself to pick any school whose name reminds me that I should call my lawyer. I have Wake Forest in the Sweet Sixteen thus continuing my longstanding tradition of continually losing money by picking Wake Forest to do well in the tournament. (I’m telling you, I could put a kid through college based on what I lost on Tim Duncan. And don’t even get me started on Randolph Childress.) Really this is Louisville’s bracket to lose as the only team I like is West Virginia and I can’t bring myself to pick a Bob Huggins team because if I do I have to spend the next three hours in the shower and it’s the type of dirt that just doesn’t wash off.
West Regional: I love the fact that we have first round matchups in Boise. For some reason every year there are games in Dayton and in Boise, the land of the multi-color key and freaky bounces. There are always a few good upsets in that town. Take Mississippi State as your upset special (Washington really isn’t anything special) and keep an eye on Utah State, the school that always makes you ask “They need two state schools in Utah?” I would take Cornell over Missouri only if there was a Quiz Bowl held at halftime that would be added to the score. Purdue versus Northern Iowa is one of those games I would always end up having to watch while living in the Midwest based on the fact that television networks believed that we all enjoyed watching rather boring basketball played by teams in states that bordered ours. This is an interesting bracket as you have Uconn and Memphis and then not much of anything. Illinois ran Missouri out of the building earlier this year so I can’t really put much behind them. I’m going with Memphis, they might not have played anyone but I just don’t think Connecticut is that good of a squad.
East Regional: Have to love some of the teams in this region. You’ve got Portland State, which isn’t a state, and Binghamton, which sounds like the name of some snotty prep school whose kids complain because they didn’t get a Lexus for their eighteenth birthday. You also have American, the school you must cheer for lest you be considered unpatriotic. (Ten bucks says that on the American University promotional video they play “Proud to be an American” and “Coming to America….Today!” in the background.) Some of these games (like UCLA – VCU) sound like a good game to watch while others (Wisconsin versus Florida State) makes you wish they were being played in the Capital One Bowl. Who do I have winning this bracket? For the twenty third consecutive year I have placed Duke in the Final Four. I don’t even look at matchups anymore. I just pencil them in. To be honest I’m not even that big of a fan of this squad or any of the recent squads. These aren’t the cool nineties teams anymore. No Christian Laettner proving to be the most awesome human being on the face of the earth. No Trajan Langdon making me think that being from Alaska is cool. They just happen to be better than Pitt and that is all they need to be this year.
South Regional: My Illini made the tournament! And we somehow have a fifth seed which means that everyone on the planet has us losing to Western Kentucky in the first round. I don’t see that happening unless their Grimace cousin of a mascot is allowed to play. I’d even try to write Illinois into the Sweet 16 but they won’t be able to get past Gonzaga in Portland. (Also, when I first when through the brackets I thought that it said that Gonzaga was playing Akon. That is a sign that I really did spend too much time selling ringtones.) North Carolina will make it past their first round opponent in Radford even though Radford is so rad they put it in their name. My favorite team in the entire tournament: “Stone Cold” Stephen F. Austin. I assume that they are referred to as either the Texas Rattlesnakes or the Bionic Rednecks or possibly both. Look for a stunning upset of Syracuse in the first round. Interesting that Oklahoma gets to play in Kansas City but Kansas doesn’t. In reality this bracket looks pretty easy as North Carolina should just walk through it. There isn’t a team in the bracket that I think could match them on a good day.
Final Four: Being held in Detroit this year, which makes me wonder what the shots from the Goodyear blimp are going to look like. “As you can see outside the arena next to the Fan Fest the recently foreclosed residents have constructed a shantytown.” Louisville and Memphis will have one of those classic Metro conference games from back when the Metro conference actually existed along with the added benefit of possible punches being thrown between Pitino and Calipari over who has the better hair. Louisville has the better team and makes it to the finals. Duke and Carolina finally meet in the Final Four (which has never happened) and therefore start a second Civil War in the state of North Carolina. The Tar Heels win this one. I’m a fan but hey, while the race isn’t always to the swift and the battle not always to the strong that is how you should bet. In the championship game as much as I hate to say it I have to go with Roy Williams and the Tar Heels. They are just the best team in the country and they know how to win. I think that is all they need to be.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Congrats to those in the Sunflower State
Sigh. I know I know. I’ve made a living, or at least as much of a living as one can make on a blog with no revenue stream, making fun of Kansas in general. But tonight I have to congratulate the Kansas Jayhawks and most valuable player Supernintendo Chalmers for winning the national championship tonight. I have to give them credit. A team that I constantly deride for folding and choking whenever things get tough made an amazing comeback. They didn’t give up, they made a huge steal when they needed it and they went for the kill in overtime. Congrats to all of those partying on Mass. Street and elsewhere tonight.
(I still stand by my belief that Bill Self is a toupee wearing traitor. I am an Illini after all. But I think I even like him more than Calapari, who makes me feel like I need to take a shower after just watching him coach.)
As opposed to writing a review of the game, which you’ll probably find elsewhere on the web written by people who actually took notes other than Chris Douglas-Roberts really should have just stayed with his maiden name, I have two commercials that I saw that I need to discuss. The first was I believe for Degree anti-preprint. This ad features our hero using degree before he rushes off to a futuristic business meeting. One that requires a jet pack and numerous technological advances to meet with his boss which is apparently a liquid metal robot. A robot who uses thousands of years of scientific advancement to determine whether or not he is sweating when he enters the room.
I have two issues with this ad. First off, what would the robot care if he was sweating or not? Does he have some incredible olfactory sensors built in to his design? Why would a robot be programmed to be incredibly sensitive to the point of being offended by biological based faux pas? That seems like a major waste of code. Secondly, if we are now at the point where we have jetpacks and liquid metal robots wouldn’t you think that we would be able to also invent some decent videoconferencing capabilities? Why in the world is this guy in such a hurry for a face to liquid metal construct meeting? Just set up a webcam. It would save a lot of effort.
The other was a Miller Lite ad for beer heaven. Obviously I am someone who has spent a lot of time dreaming of a beer heaven. Many nights have been spent at the end of the bar wondering just what a place would be like. They were right on many aspects. The beer that automatically moves from the bartenders hand to your own. The stool with your own name on it that turns into a recliner. Those I both dream of. However, the bartender was a dude, which wasn’t quite the way I envisioned it. While it was nice that the waitress didn’t shatter the bottles when she dropped them when she picked them up she didn’t turn to the guy and tell him to stop by after closing. And most importantly, it seemed like you were only able to order Miller Lite. Now I do drink Miller Lite, it is my default beer of choice when I really don’t care what I am drinking, but I would hope to have other options in beer heaven. A keg of Boulevard Wheat. The occasional Guinness. A Pilsner Urquell always at the ready. That is my idea of heaven.
Speaking of that, I am rather confident that there is a large party going on down the block from me right now. I’ve been ordered out drinking so that others can live vicariously through me. Good enough reason for me.
(I still stand by my belief that Bill Self is a toupee wearing traitor. I am an Illini after all. But I think I even like him more than Calapari, who makes me feel like I need to take a shower after just watching him coach.)
As opposed to writing a review of the game, which you’ll probably find elsewhere on the web written by people who actually took notes other than Chris Douglas-Roberts really should have just stayed with his maiden name, I have two commercials that I saw that I need to discuss. The first was I believe for Degree anti-preprint. This ad features our hero using degree before he rushes off to a futuristic business meeting. One that requires a jet pack and numerous technological advances to meet with his boss which is apparently a liquid metal robot. A robot who uses thousands of years of scientific advancement to determine whether or not he is sweating when he enters the room.
I have two issues with this ad. First off, what would the robot care if he was sweating or not? Does he have some incredible olfactory sensors built in to his design? Why would a robot be programmed to be incredibly sensitive to the point of being offended by biological based faux pas? That seems like a major waste of code. Secondly, if we are now at the point where we have jetpacks and liquid metal robots wouldn’t you think that we would be able to also invent some decent videoconferencing capabilities? Why in the world is this guy in such a hurry for a face to liquid metal construct meeting? Just set up a webcam. It would save a lot of effort.
The other was a Miller Lite ad for beer heaven. Obviously I am someone who has spent a lot of time dreaming of a beer heaven. Many nights have been spent at the end of the bar wondering just what a place would be like. They were right on many aspects. The beer that automatically moves from the bartenders hand to your own. The stool with your own name on it that turns into a recliner. Those I both dream of. However, the bartender was a dude, which wasn’t quite the way I envisioned it. While it was nice that the waitress didn’t shatter the bottles when she dropped them when she picked them up she didn’t turn to the guy and tell him to stop by after closing. And most importantly, it seemed like you were only able to order Miller Lite. Now I do drink Miller Lite, it is my default beer of choice when I really don’t care what I am drinking, but I would hope to have other options in beer heaven. A keg of Boulevard Wheat. The occasional Guinness. A Pilsner Urquell always at the ready. That is my idea of heaven.
Speaking of that, I am rather confident that there is a large party going on down the block from me right now. I’ve been ordered out drinking so that others can live vicariously through me. Good enough reason for me.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
When in doubt, pick the team with the cooler mascot
While driving to work this morning I found myself behind a car with the license plate “DR RE”. I can only assume that this is Dr. Dre’s less talented younger brother who moved to KC to get as far away from the whole East Coast-West Coast drama as is humanly possible.
Ok, let’s run through the rest of the brackets and another installment of No Depression Week:
South Region: First off, I’m going to have to go with St. Mary’s in the first round. I mean, I certainly didn’t expect the Smickers to put together such a strong performance this year and the Belles should be able to take Miami. Wait, you mean there is another St. Mary’s? What the hell, go with them anyway because Miami never wins at basketball. Other big upset will be Temple over Michigan State due to the way the Spartans just collapsed against Wisconsin in a way that was just embarrassing.
There are a few other interesting first round matchups. You have Cornell, who are the Big Red despite the fact that their mascot is a bear, going up against Stanford in Nerd Bowl 2008. Take Stanford because they really are a bunch of dorks. I mean, their mascot is a color. What is their fight song “Cardinal is an awesome shade of red?” (This from an Illini whose fight song consists of drunkenly yelling “Oskee Wow Wow” at random moments.) Oral Roberts features MC 900 Foot Jesus, which would seem to be an advantage until you realize that it is rather difficult to drop a ball 890 feet into a hoop. Go with Pitt in that one.
Basically I have no faith in Memphis in this bracket. Calipari seems to be a guy who chokes as a big game coach and I don’t see this as any different. I see Pitt beating them to make the elite eight where they lose to a Texas team playing in Houston. I don’t like Texas either but I’m just going to ride home court advantage on this one.
Midwest Region: This is the region I will get to know well because it is all anyone in this damn town will talk about for the next few weeks. I’ll start with Kansas State whose somewhat silly use of purple as a uniform color is offset by the fact that their logo is borrowed from the Thundercats. Personally, I feel Panthro’s play in the low post will overcome Mumm-Ra’s outside shooting and get them through to the second round where they lose to a Wisconsin team that plays the type of basketball that makes you want to gouge your eyes out due to boredom.
My favorite team name in the tournament is the UMBC Retrievers for two reasons. 1) UMBC sounds like the name of a bank that just purchased your mortgage and 2) They must have the most non-threatening mascots in the history of the world. They should at least be the Fighting Retrievers or the Hounds from Hell or something like that. They’ll get slaughtered by the Hoyas, whose mascot is a bulldog even though a Hoya is a latin phrase. I’ve got two overlooked teams to watch for in this bracket: Clemson and Davidson. Both played Duke and Carolina incredibly tough and might make some noise.
But this bracket is all about Kansas and I’m torn here. On one hand, Kansas is by far the most talented and experienced team in this region. On the other hand, Bill Self is a traitor and a coward who turned his back on Illinois and will suffer karmically for that for the rest of his career. (Not that I’m bitter about that or anything). But more importantly, Self just can not win an important game and I just don’t see that changing this year. I’ve got to go with Georgetown. I expect hate mail over this one.
West Region: I’ll start with my Blue Devils. I said it during the Carolina game, this looks like a Duke squad that is going to lose in the Sweet Sixteen. They still don’t have a guy that I want with the ball in his hands during crunch time. I know this breaks my tradition but they will lose to Xavier. Hate to say it but I don’t know how they make the Final Four with this squad.
Easiest pick in the first round is West Virginia over Arizona again due to karma. I can’t cheer for a team whose coach has taken more time off to deal with his divorce than he did for the death of his wife. In a feel good story take Baylor over Purdue (feel good in that coaches are no longer telling players to lie to cover up a murder charge). And just one random question, do we really need a Western Kentucky? Don’t we have enough states already?
This is the only bracket I’m confident in. UCLA is the team to beat and there isn’t anyone in their draw that worries me. Some people are worried because they’ve gotten a ton of lucky breaks recently but that should just give them confidence. Also be wary of people who assume they can pull off a miracle.
Final Four: North Carolina over Georgetown and UCLA over Texas in games with better name recognition than actual gameplay. UCLA to take it all because it just feels right. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to pick North Carolina to win anything.
No Depression Week: Have to feature one of my favorite people in the world (and someone I would marry just so I could hear her voice every day) in Neko Case. I talk/post/rant about her awesomeness a lot and I find it completely justified. It is true that all of my business school applications were written while listening to her CDs. I just find her voice amazing in the way that it sounds like Patsy Cline if Patsy Cline had spent a lot of time hanging out with Nirvana. Plus, I actually met her a few times in Chicago and she is just incredibly cool and down to earth.
Ok, let’s run through the rest of the brackets and another installment of No Depression Week:
South Region: First off, I’m going to have to go with St. Mary’s in the first round. I mean, I certainly didn’t expect the Smickers to put together such a strong performance this year and the Belles should be able to take Miami. Wait, you mean there is another St. Mary’s? What the hell, go with them anyway because Miami never wins at basketball. Other big upset will be Temple over Michigan State due to the way the Spartans just collapsed against Wisconsin in a way that was just embarrassing.
There are a few other interesting first round matchups. You have Cornell, who are the Big Red despite the fact that their mascot is a bear, going up against Stanford in Nerd Bowl 2008. Take Stanford because they really are a bunch of dorks. I mean, their mascot is a color. What is their fight song “Cardinal is an awesome shade of red?” (This from an Illini whose fight song consists of drunkenly yelling “Oskee Wow Wow” at random moments.) Oral Roberts features MC 900 Foot Jesus, which would seem to be an advantage until you realize that it is rather difficult to drop a ball 890 feet into a hoop. Go with Pitt in that one.
Basically I have no faith in Memphis in this bracket. Calipari seems to be a guy who chokes as a big game coach and I don’t see this as any different. I see Pitt beating them to make the elite eight where they lose to a Texas team playing in Houston. I don’t like Texas either but I’m just going to ride home court advantage on this one.
Midwest Region: This is the region I will get to know well because it is all anyone in this damn town will talk about for the next few weeks. I’ll start with Kansas State whose somewhat silly use of purple as a uniform color is offset by the fact that their logo is borrowed from the Thundercats. Personally, I feel Panthro’s play in the low post will overcome Mumm-Ra’s outside shooting and get them through to the second round where they lose to a Wisconsin team that plays the type of basketball that makes you want to gouge your eyes out due to boredom.
My favorite team name in the tournament is the UMBC Retrievers for two reasons. 1) UMBC sounds like the name of a bank that just purchased your mortgage and 2) They must have the most non-threatening mascots in the history of the world. They should at least be the Fighting Retrievers or the Hounds from Hell or something like that. They’ll get slaughtered by the Hoyas, whose mascot is a bulldog even though a Hoya is a latin phrase. I’ve got two overlooked teams to watch for in this bracket: Clemson and Davidson. Both played Duke and Carolina incredibly tough and might make some noise.
But this bracket is all about Kansas and I’m torn here. On one hand, Kansas is by far the most talented and experienced team in this region. On the other hand, Bill Self is a traitor and a coward who turned his back on Illinois and will suffer karmically for that for the rest of his career. (Not that I’m bitter about that or anything). But more importantly, Self just can not win an important game and I just don’t see that changing this year. I’ve got to go with Georgetown. I expect hate mail over this one.
West Region: I’ll start with my Blue Devils. I said it during the Carolina game, this looks like a Duke squad that is going to lose in the Sweet Sixteen. They still don’t have a guy that I want with the ball in his hands during crunch time. I know this breaks my tradition but they will lose to Xavier. Hate to say it but I don’t know how they make the Final Four with this squad.
Easiest pick in the first round is West Virginia over Arizona again due to karma. I can’t cheer for a team whose coach has taken more time off to deal with his divorce than he did for the death of his wife. In a feel good story take Baylor over Purdue (feel good in that coaches are no longer telling players to lie to cover up a murder charge). And just one random question, do we really need a Western Kentucky? Don’t we have enough states already?
This is the only bracket I’m confident in. UCLA is the team to beat and there isn’t anyone in their draw that worries me. Some people are worried because they’ve gotten a ton of lucky breaks recently but that should just give them confidence. Also be wary of people who assume they can pull off a miracle.
Final Four: North Carolina over Georgetown and UCLA over Texas in games with better name recognition than actual gameplay. UCLA to take it all because it just feels right. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to pick North Carolina to win anything.
No Depression Week: Have to feature one of my favorite people in the world (and someone I would marry just so I could hear her voice every day) in Neko Case. I talk/post/rant about her awesomeness a lot and I find it completely justified. It is true that all of my business school applications were written while listening to her CDs. I just find her voice amazing in the way that it sounds like Patsy Cline if Patsy Cline had spent a lot of time hanging out with Nirvana. Plus, I actually met her a few times in Chicago and she is just incredibly cool and down to earth.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Topics that may not be, in fact, topical
Starting note: For those of you who work with me (or have worked with me) in that large collection of buildings somewhere in Kansas I just want to remind you that my leaving work happy hour is Wednesday night. Please stop by because it would be really, really sad if I was the only one there. Not as sad as the time when everyone in the building was sent home early due to snow except no one bothered to tell me and I didn’t notice until I took off my headphones and realized that no one else was around. (That’s a true story, by the way). Anyway, email me if you need the details. To prevent confusion, this is not to be confused with my Trivia Victory Lap or Last Night in KC celebrations. Both of those will take place once I figure out where life is taking me next and I’ll be sure to let everyone know.
(Looks like I’ll be here until June if just to see the greatest concert double bill ever: Chicago and the Doobie Brothers. I’m not kidding, I got an email about this today. Kansas City, now only 28 years behind the times.)
Comment on the last post: “Think of it as monetizing your desire to be taken seriously as a potential suitor”
Finally, advice that actually makes sense to me! Why hasn’t anyone used financing analogies before in offering me relationship advice? I understand discount rates; can’t we frame the discussion in those terms as opposed to all of these vague terms like “emotions” and “attraction”? Could I just go up to a woman and say, “Trust me, you’ll be duly impressed by my cash flow” and just leave it at that? Then break out a detailed spreadsheet to seal the deal? I can at least dream, can’t I?
Here is a reason why I am looking forward to unemployment in two weeks. So I went out last night for St. Patrick’s Day but had to leave early because I had a 9 AM meeting that I had to be functional for. In some ways that is a good thing (because I probably shouldn’t be spending Monday night in a bar) but in many more ways that is a horrible thing (because it is friggin St. Patrick’s Day, the one day where I can wear all my Notre Dame gear with pride and have a blast.) Get to work this morning, more bitter than hungover, check my email and find out that the meeting had been cancelled. Which would have been great information to have, I don’t know, last night! So I screwed over my social life for a meeting that didn’t exist in a job I’m quitting. Luckily unemployment will give me control over my schedule again. Sure, all I will do is watch daytime tv but damn it, my hand will be on the remote.
Ok, I want to analyze each region in the NCAA tournament but I’ve already hit a lot of topics tonight so I’ll just do the East Regional tonight and I’ll catch the other three tomorrow.
East Region: This bracket features my three most hated teams in existence as well as the one I will be actively cheering for. My Irish pulled a five seed, which is about right, and I can see them getting past George Mason and then Winthrop, who I’m picking mainly because I think the team is comprised of snooty English butlers. They might not have the hops of some of the other teams but they play a rather refined style of basketball.
Indiana is led by the traitor Eric Gordon who was fouled by Illinois during the pre-game introductions. They’ll get past Arkansas but then collapse because, well, they are Indiana, that’s what they do. In some other first round upsets I’d take South Alabama over Butler because the game is in Birmingham and St. Joe’s over Oklahoma because I believe that there is only one basketball in the entire state of Oklahoma.
Really this is a two team bracket. North Carolina is led by Tyler Hansborough, who looks that frat guy in college who spent his entire time in English 101 discussing how awesome their Barn Dance was going to be. I’m not encouraging anyone to give him a hard foul. I’d prefer a steel chair to the skull. Tennessee is coached by Bruce Pearl who along with Bono is most responsible for my crappy college experience. (Bruce Pearl snitched on the Illini and put us on probation while U2 cancelled a concert and cost me a date because apparently St. Bono didn’t want me to score.) Personally, I’ll be cheering for American in their first round against the Volunteers because, well, it would be un-American otherwise. It sickens me to say that Pearl, who shouldn’t even be allowed on a college campus much less coach, will get this team to the final eight and then North Carolina and their crappy uniforms will make the Final Four.
No Depression Week: If there is a current poster child for No Depression and all of its good and bad qualities it would be Ryan Adams. He is alternately a genius and a complete screw up depending on how he feels at the time. Starting with Whiskeytown he has written some amazing music that spans from pure country to hard edged rock. He also has screwed up relationships with Parker Posey, Beth Orton, My Beloved Lindsay, Winona Ryder and probably a dozen that I have forgotten by now. Judge his genius for yourself with “Come Lift Me Up” from Letterman. Performance would have been better if they would have kept in the swearing.
(Looks like I’ll be here until June if just to see the greatest concert double bill ever: Chicago and the Doobie Brothers. I’m not kidding, I got an email about this today. Kansas City, now only 28 years behind the times.)
Comment on the last post: “Think of it as monetizing your desire to be taken seriously as a potential suitor”
Finally, advice that actually makes sense to me! Why hasn’t anyone used financing analogies before in offering me relationship advice? I understand discount rates; can’t we frame the discussion in those terms as opposed to all of these vague terms like “emotions” and “attraction”? Could I just go up to a woman and say, “Trust me, you’ll be duly impressed by my cash flow” and just leave it at that? Then break out a detailed spreadsheet to seal the deal? I can at least dream, can’t I?
Here is a reason why I am looking forward to unemployment in two weeks. So I went out last night for St. Patrick’s Day but had to leave early because I had a 9 AM meeting that I had to be functional for. In some ways that is a good thing (because I probably shouldn’t be spending Monday night in a bar) but in many more ways that is a horrible thing (because it is friggin St. Patrick’s Day, the one day where I can wear all my Notre Dame gear with pride and have a blast.) Get to work this morning, more bitter than hungover, check my email and find out that the meeting had been cancelled. Which would have been great information to have, I don’t know, last night! So I screwed over my social life for a meeting that didn’t exist in a job I’m quitting. Luckily unemployment will give me control over my schedule again. Sure, all I will do is watch daytime tv but damn it, my hand will be on the remote.
Ok, I want to analyze each region in the NCAA tournament but I’ve already hit a lot of topics tonight so I’ll just do the East Regional tonight and I’ll catch the other three tomorrow.
East Region: This bracket features my three most hated teams in existence as well as the one I will be actively cheering for. My Irish pulled a five seed, which is about right, and I can see them getting past George Mason and then Winthrop, who I’m picking mainly because I think the team is comprised of snooty English butlers. They might not have the hops of some of the other teams but they play a rather refined style of basketball.
Indiana is led by the traitor Eric Gordon who was fouled by Illinois during the pre-game introductions. They’ll get past Arkansas but then collapse because, well, they are Indiana, that’s what they do. In some other first round upsets I’d take South Alabama over Butler because the game is in Birmingham and St. Joe’s over Oklahoma because I believe that there is only one basketball in the entire state of Oklahoma.
Really this is a two team bracket. North Carolina is led by Tyler Hansborough, who looks that frat guy in college who spent his entire time in English 101 discussing how awesome their Barn Dance was going to be. I’m not encouraging anyone to give him a hard foul. I’d prefer a steel chair to the skull. Tennessee is coached by Bruce Pearl who along with Bono is most responsible for my crappy college experience. (Bruce Pearl snitched on the Illini and put us on probation while U2 cancelled a concert and cost me a date because apparently St. Bono didn’t want me to score.) Personally, I’ll be cheering for American in their first round against the Volunteers because, well, it would be un-American otherwise. It sickens me to say that Pearl, who shouldn’t even be allowed on a college campus much less coach, will get this team to the final eight and then North Carolina and their crappy uniforms will make the Final Four.
No Depression Week: If there is a current poster child for No Depression and all of its good and bad qualities it would be Ryan Adams. He is alternately a genius and a complete screw up depending on how he feels at the time. Starting with Whiskeytown he has written some amazing music that spans from pure country to hard edged rock. He also has screwed up relationships with Parker Posey, Beth Orton, My Beloved Lindsay, Winona Ryder and probably a dozen that I have forgotten by now. Judge his genius for yourself with “Come Lift Me Up” from Letterman. Performance would have been better if they would have kept in the swearing.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
All hail the Funk!
Tonight’s pictures: For those of you wondering what my view of the world was on many a night this one pretty much sums it up. I was always amazed when I watched Donna and Joey close up the tabs at the end of the night since the cash register seems to have been made fifty years ago and watching that thing print out the end record was always a wonder to behold. Especially after a few too many shots. Plus, you can see the televisions that always distracted me when Erik and I would have our father-son discussions (which always seemed to devolve into a conversation about music.) I’m sorry but bright lights and motion always get my attention.
Plus, since I walked by them I figured that I would take a picture of the trophy case with the seven Heisman trophies. That’s not something you see everyday. Especially not on the Illinois campus where we still talk about how great Jeff George was.
Ok, on to business. I would like to take a moment and officially recognize that the reign of Funk is at hand! Yes, thanks to my tireless efforts the mothership has landed in Kansas City and Mark Funkhouser has been elected mayor. No, I’m not kidding. It’s the same guy I wrote about a few months ago and came up with campaign slogans for that just happened to show up in his advertisements. The one who started inviting me to press events. Even after I wrote that he “looks vaguely like Rasputin” and “always seems to be auditioning for the role of third zombie in the next Dawn of the Dead remake.” It is entirely possible that I a) influenced the politics of a mid-major American city and b) might be named vice mayor as a result. I deserve an easy politico job out of this to say the least.
But wow, the Funkster has been elected. I’ll have to say that this will make reading the news much more enjoyable. Can you read the words “Mayor Funkhouser” and not smile? Plus, if he can actually do what he wants to focus on he might actually be a good mayor. He has big plans like fixing the sewer system so that a) the streets don’t flood every time it rains and b) the water mains no longer burst, thus flooding the streets every time it doesn’t rain. Or fixing the potholes that seem to swallow up entire cars. Or dealing with a mass transit system that I’m not sure technically exists. It’ll be some interesting times, that’s for sure.
(And please can we have P Funk for the inaugural ball? That dude in the diaper should definitely play Hail to the Mayor or The Train from Kansas City or whatever the hell the official song is.)
Also, in a case of target marketing gone berserk Ticketmaster made sure that I was the first person to know that I can get tickets to see Morrisey play in KC. I’m not sure that this is a good thing. For the record, I’ve never been a Morrisey/Smiths fan though seemingly everyone I hung out with was. But there is something intriguing about going to see a show from someone who lost relevancy once I left high school. Plus, what is it like at one of his shows anyway? Do we all just hang out and get collectively bummed? Except now that we are old and bummed? It’s like you’ll have an entire crowd in their mid-thirties going “Aw man, this reminds me of being back in high school and being depressed and being picked on by jocks and having no one understand me. Man those were the days.”
Finally, I have a link to pass on thanks to my good friends at deadspin.com. One of the great things about college basketball is that the season ends with the greatest montage in sports; the playing of One Shining Moment. As cheesy as it may sound, this one song always gets to me. This one site has decided to collect all of the clips in one handy link. Plus, I think he goes back far enough for the awesome Teddy Pendergrass version. If you have time to kill (and don’t mind getting choked up as you watch your favorite team lose in the title game) these are incredible. The link is http://tmastc.blogspot.com/2007/03/one-shining-moment.html
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The not so lucky Irish
Definitely not one of my better NCAA tournaments. All of my teams lost in the first round in heartbreaking fashion. Duke choked away the game against VCU, Illinois had Va. Tech beat and then somehow decided to not play for the last six months and, in all honesty, I dozed off while watching the Notre Dame game only to wake up to discover that ND was down twenty and I was now watching the Wisconsin game. ND came back and actually took the lead but ran out of steam and lost to Winthrop. My bracket is pretty much destroyed and my days of winning tournament pools seem to be far in the past. On the plus side, I’ve gained a lot more free time over the next few weeks.
(Oh well, at least Notre Dame picked up a number one seed in the hockey tournament. And, if I heard correctly, they are playing a team from Alabama in the first round, which is odd because I can’t imagine anyone in the entire state playing hockey.)
On the free time comment, I did realize something that might turn into the biggest conflict ever. I have tickets to see Guster in Lawrence on April 2nd. That just happens to be the night of the championship game, something that I didn’t notice when I bought the tickets. But depending on whose playing I could see myself catching a concert over watching the game. However, there is a measurable probability that KU will be in the title game. This would cause an interesting predicament. First off, I can’t imagine that there would be anyone at the concert. Lawrence has a bunch of art kids who don’t care about sports but given that this would be an excellent excuse to party I don’t think that they would miss it to watch Guster. Also, in this scenario I would be going to a show in the middle of the campus of a team in a title game, which is basically just asking to place yourself in the middle of a riot. It’ll be interesting to see how things turn out.
I did go out for St. Patrick’s Day and it was actually a rather uneventful night. I didn’t see a single arrest, though I did hear a bunch of sirens during the night so there probably were a couple. You didn’t get a violent vibe from the crowd, though. Everyone seemed to be calm and having a good time. I spent most of the afternoon at Harry’s where knowing all the staff made getting served much easier. The patio there is a great place to experience Westport on St. Pat’s as you can just sit back and watch everyone else be idiots. And cheer the guy who set up a stand that said “Magic” on it. Yes, a guy was doing card tricks for extremely drunk people. That has to be the easiest gig in the world. “Is this the card you chose?” “I chose a card? Woo hoo!”
Headed over to the Record Bar in the evening where I did get a compliment on my Backer t-shirt from a St. Mary’s alum. There is something that must be said about a bar that even when your hundreds of miles away people go, “Oh my god, did you drink there?” Having the t-shirt makes you a rock star in the drunkard world. Went there mainly to see a U2 cover band, which is interesting given that I probably wouldn’t go see U2 if they were playing a few blocks away. (At least not until Bono offers me a personal apology.)
They were a surprisingly good cover band. They learned quickly to make up for their lack of talent with volume. The lead singer wore sunglasses and looked like my buddy Fortino making him look almost, but not entirely, unlike Bono. The rest of the band looked like a bunch of guys from an IT department but sounded good even if they made no effort to resemble the band. Plus, they included a cover of “Electric Co.”, a song that even U2 doesn’t bother to play anymore. Some nights I’m not looking for music that will change my view of the world. Sometimes I just want to hear songs I know with large amounts of alcohol present.
All in all, not a bad St. Patrick’s Day. An improvement over past years in that I didn’t end the night with a girl crying in my arms, which did happen a few years ago. I might be the only one to remember this though it isn’t something you easily forget. There are very few moments when you are trying to simultaneously a) figure out what the hell is this girl’s problem, b) comfort her, c) explain to your buddies in pantomime what is going on and d) drink a beer. And definitely not in that order.
The five random CDs for the week (and man, what a good list):
1) R.E.M. “Dead Letter Office”
2) Uncle Tupelo “No Depression”
3) Martin Zellar “Born Under”
4) Kelly Willis “Kelly Willis”
5) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part One”
(Oh well, at least Notre Dame picked up a number one seed in the hockey tournament. And, if I heard correctly, they are playing a team from Alabama in the first round, which is odd because I can’t imagine anyone in the entire state playing hockey.)
On the free time comment, I did realize something that might turn into the biggest conflict ever. I have tickets to see Guster in Lawrence on April 2nd. That just happens to be the night of the championship game, something that I didn’t notice when I bought the tickets. But depending on whose playing I could see myself catching a concert over watching the game. However, there is a measurable probability that KU will be in the title game. This would cause an interesting predicament. First off, I can’t imagine that there would be anyone at the concert. Lawrence has a bunch of art kids who don’t care about sports but given that this would be an excellent excuse to party I don’t think that they would miss it to watch Guster. Also, in this scenario I would be going to a show in the middle of the campus of a team in a title game, which is basically just asking to place yourself in the middle of a riot. It’ll be interesting to see how things turn out.
I did go out for St. Patrick’s Day and it was actually a rather uneventful night. I didn’t see a single arrest, though I did hear a bunch of sirens during the night so there probably were a couple. You didn’t get a violent vibe from the crowd, though. Everyone seemed to be calm and having a good time. I spent most of the afternoon at Harry’s where knowing all the staff made getting served much easier. The patio there is a great place to experience Westport on St. Pat’s as you can just sit back and watch everyone else be idiots. And cheer the guy who set up a stand that said “Magic” on it. Yes, a guy was doing card tricks for extremely drunk people. That has to be the easiest gig in the world. “Is this the card you chose?” “I chose a card? Woo hoo!”
Headed over to the Record Bar in the evening where I did get a compliment on my Backer t-shirt from a St. Mary’s alum. There is something that must be said about a bar that even when your hundreds of miles away people go, “Oh my god, did you drink there?” Having the t-shirt makes you a rock star in the drunkard world. Went there mainly to see a U2 cover band, which is interesting given that I probably wouldn’t go see U2 if they were playing a few blocks away. (At least not until Bono offers me a personal apology.)
They were a surprisingly good cover band. They learned quickly to make up for their lack of talent with volume. The lead singer wore sunglasses and looked like my buddy Fortino making him look almost, but not entirely, unlike Bono. The rest of the band looked like a bunch of guys from an IT department but sounded good even if they made no effort to resemble the band. Plus, they included a cover of “Electric Co.”, a song that even U2 doesn’t bother to play anymore. Some nights I’m not looking for music that will change my view of the world. Sometimes I just want to hear songs I know with large amounts of alcohol present.
All in all, not a bad St. Patrick’s Day. An improvement over past years in that I didn’t end the night with a girl crying in my arms, which did happen a few years ago. I might be the only one to remember this though it isn’t something you easily forget. There are very few moments when you are trying to simultaneously a) figure out what the hell is this girl’s problem, b) comfort her, c) explain to your buddies in pantomime what is going on and d) drink a beer. And definitely not in that order.
The five random CDs for the week (and man, what a good list):
1) R.E.M. “Dead Letter Office”
2) Uncle Tupelo “No Depression”
3) Martin Zellar “Born Under”
4) Kelly Willis “Kelly Willis”
5) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part One”
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Time for March Mental Deficiencies...
Time to go over my picks for the NCAA tournament. As always, remember that filling out a bracket is done for entertainment purposes only and is never associated with wagers of any kind. Especially in years when you can’t write Duke into the championship game and be assured of at least getting third place.
East Region: North Carolina is the number one seed and features Tyler Hansborough in a Jason mask courtesy of the fact that he smashed his face into Gerald Henderson’s perfectly harmless elbow. They’ll make the Sweet Sixteen but lose to Texas because a) Kevin Durant is insane and b) the game will be a mental checkers match between Rick Barnes and Roy Williams so pick the team with the guy who will just win the game one on five. You’ve got a great sleeper team in Oral Roberts. They already have beaten Kansas at Allen Fieldhouse and feature a 900 foot Jesus in the low post and that is really tough to defend against. (Sorry, I meant that they had MC 900 ft. Jesus. My mistake.) Washington State is horribly overrated and is going to choke big time so write Georgetown into the Final Four. They’re a good squad, they play a maddening type of offense that you can’t prepare for in a day and in the eighties they had Michael Jackson playing in their backcourt. And man, does that last bit read a lot dirtier than I intended it to.
Midwest Region: Notre Dame got kind of hosed with a six seed as well as being forced to play a tough Winthrop squad. I just have a good feeling about this, though, so I see a Sweet Sixteen run as they will beat Oregon because, come on, they’re the Ducks. Who the hell is afraid of a Duck? I picked Wisconsin through the Elite Eight and I have to say that I hate that pick. They looked horrible in the Big Ten tournament, are without their center, and play the most boring style of basketball imaginable. But, I hate UNLV and there is no one else in that bracket who can really compare with them. In the other half, Old Dominion will be your twelve seed that wins a game. And Florida, led by that tub of lard Billy Donnovan, will just run through this entire region without breaking a sweat.
South Region: Memphis is the only team I’ve ever known to be a two seed without ever appearing on television. I know nothing about them other than Calipari is still coaching them so that means a second round loss to Nevada. I’m tempted to pick the Albany Great Danes over Virginia solely based on a description of their mascot as looking like “a wife beating Scooby Doo.” Not going to happen and I hope Tennessee loses in the first round because it is Bruce Pearl’s fault that I had to deal with four years of horrible basketball at Illinois. Thanks for putting us on probation, asshole. It’s because of you I had to sit through the T. J. Wheeler era. Anyway, Ohio State is going to smoke this region. Pay attention to Mike Conley Jr., their freshman point guard. He is the son of the Olympic triple jump gold medalist and a member of the Conley clan, who ruled Luther South athletics. They were in our conference in high school and were without a doubt the best athletes I have seen in my life.
West Region: I’d love to pick Illinois in an upset but it just isn’t going to happen. I’m just happy that they are in the brackets. Duke shouldn’t be a six seed, they really should be an eight or a nine. Still, I’ll take them to win in the first round and lose in the second marking the first time that I do not have them going to the final four in…in…I think nine years? Yeesh, and in all that time they’ve only won one championship. I’d be more optimistic but I think Paulus has turned the ball over three times already. Gonzaga will win in the first round but lose in the second as the shrooms wear off. Southern Illinois will make the Sweet 16 based on the fact that a Saluki is an Egyptian guard dog and that has to count for something. In the end it’s going to be UCLA over Kansas because Bill Self will never a win a game that matters. Or take off his toupee. Or admit that he is a worthless traitor who shouldn’t be allowed to coach again after the way he left the Illini. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Final Four: Pretty easy as we’ll get an Ohio State-Florida matchup in the championship game. And here I am forced to make a tough decision. See, back in college one of my good friends was this guy named Pat Bradshaw. And we were both looking at grad schools and at one poin the had decided to go to Ohio State and I had decided to go to Florida. I changed my mind and he didn’t and for a few years we joked about our respective teams as I celebrated a Florida national championship in football and he got one in football. So, that should make this easy, right?
Except that I hate Billy Donovan. I hated him when he was a fat shooting guard at Providence. I hated him when he was a fat assistant coach at Kentucky. And I hate him now that he is a fat head coach at Florida. He runs a dirty program with dirty players who specialize in hard fouls and cheap shots. Just ask Mateen Cleaves who probably could have filed battery charges against Teddy Dupuy in the championship game a few years back. I can’t stand the guy. So I’m going for Ohio State to return the title to the Big Ten.
East Region: North Carolina is the number one seed and features Tyler Hansborough in a Jason mask courtesy of the fact that he smashed his face into Gerald Henderson’s perfectly harmless elbow. They’ll make the Sweet Sixteen but lose to Texas because a) Kevin Durant is insane and b) the game will be a mental checkers match between Rick Barnes and Roy Williams so pick the team with the guy who will just win the game one on five. You’ve got a great sleeper team in Oral Roberts. They already have beaten Kansas at Allen Fieldhouse and feature a 900 foot Jesus in the low post and that is really tough to defend against. (Sorry, I meant that they had MC 900 ft. Jesus. My mistake.) Washington State is horribly overrated and is going to choke big time so write Georgetown into the Final Four. They’re a good squad, they play a maddening type of offense that you can’t prepare for in a day and in the eighties they had Michael Jackson playing in their backcourt. And man, does that last bit read a lot dirtier than I intended it to.
Midwest Region: Notre Dame got kind of hosed with a six seed as well as being forced to play a tough Winthrop squad. I just have a good feeling about this, though, so I see a Sweet Sixteen run as they will beat Oregon because, come on, they’re the Ducks. Who the hell is afraid of a Duck? I picked Wisconsin through the Elite Eight and I have to say that I hate that pick. They looked horrible in the Big Ten tournament, are without their center, and play the most boring style of basketball imaginable. But, I hate UNLV and there is no one else in that bracket who can really compare with them. In the other half, Old Dominion will be your twelve seed that wins a game. And Florida, led by that tub of lard Billy Donnovan, will just run through this entire region without breaking a sweat.
South Region: Memphis is the only team I’ve ever known to be a two seed without ever appearing on television. I know nothing about them other than Calipari is still coaching them so that means a second round loss to Nevada. I’m tempted to pick the Albany Great Danes over Virginia solely based on a description of their mascot as looking like “a wife beating Scooby Doo.” Not going to happen and I hope Tennessee loses in the first round because it is Bruce Pearl’s fault that I had to deal with four years of horrible basketball at Illinois. Thanks for putting us on probation, asshole. It’s because of you I had to sit through the T. J. Wheeler era. Anyway, Ohio State is going to smoke this region. Pay attention to Mike Conley Jr., their freshman point guard. He is the son of the Olympic triple jump gold medalist and a member of the Conley clan, who ruled Luther South athletics. They were in our conference in high school and were without a doubt the best athletes I have seen in my life.
West Region: I’d love to pick Illinois in an upset but it just isn’t going to happen. I’m just happy that they are in the brackets. Duke shouldn’t be a six seed, they really should be an eight or a nine. Still, I’ll take them to win in the first round and lose in the second marking the first time that I do not have them going to the final four in…in…I think nine years? Yeesh, and in all that time they’ve only won one championship. I’d be more optimistic but I think Paulus has turned the ball over three times already. Gonzaga will win in the first round but lose in the second as the shrooms wear off. Southern Illinois will make the Sweet 16 based on the fact that a Saluki is an Egyptian guard dog and that has to count for something. In the end it’s going to be UCLA over Kansas because Bill Self will never a win a game that matters. Or take off his toupee. Or admit that he is a worthless traitor who shouldn’t be allowed to coach again after the way he left the Illini. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Final Four: Pretty easy as we’ll get an Ohio State-Florida matchup in the championship game. And here I am forced to make a tough decision. See, back in college one of my good friends was this guy named Pat Bradshaw. And we were both looking at grad schools and at one poin the had decided to go to Ohio State and I had decided to go to Florida. I changed my mind and he didn’t and for a few years we joked about our respective teams as I celebrated a Florida national championship in football and he got one in football. So, that should make this easy, right?
Except that I hate Billy Donovan. I hated him when he was a fat shooting guard at Providence. I hated him when he was a fat assistant coach at Kentucky. And I hate him now that he is a fat head coach at Florida. He runs a dirty program with dirty players who specialize in hard fouls and cheap shots. Just ask Mateen Cleaves who probably could have filed battery charges against Teddy Dupuy in the championship game a few years back. I can’t stand the guy. So I’m going for Ohio State to return the title to the Big Ten.
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